AMC Transcript Wednesday 9/12/07

All My Children Transcript Wednesday 9/12/07


Provided By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Erica: You're on probation, Pam -- you know that.

Pam: I understand, Erica.

Erica: That sneaky little stunt you pulled -- sending that tape to the network of Jack and me arguing about Greenlee --

Pam: Will never happen again -- you have my word.

Erica: Oh. So it's going to be "abject humility," is it? That's an interesting choice for you -- actually, suits you.

Pam: Whatever you say, Erica.

Erica: Actually, I would say that I would like another producer. But at the moment, apparently, I'm stuck with you.

Pam: Jackson, hey -- old times, huh?

Jack: Pam.

Pam: I have to meet with Casey and Ginger. Then we'll hash out today's concept and questions -- if that's all right with you.

Erica: Oh. Yes, it's all right with me.

Jack: So here I am.

Erica: Here you are -- you're late.

Jack: Erica, I was with a client. I'm still trying to practice law in my spare time, you know?

[Erica sighs]

Jack: So what's the topic du jour?

Erica: How about how to disarm a sociopathic daughter and end her reign of terror?

[Music plays at The Comeback]

Krystal: Ok. On the wagon, huh?

Aidan: Let's just say I'm pacing myself.

Krystal: Well, it is a marathon, not a sprint.

Aidan: Hallelujah. Here's to --

[Aidan remembers kissing Greenlee]

Singer: A tall cool glass so the blues the blues

Aidan: Greenlee.

Greenlee: Can we sit, because it kind of hurts to stretch?

Aidan: Sure. How's that? Is that better?

Greenlee: Perfect.

[Greenlee slaps Aidan almost off his stool]

Babe: What if the stick turns blue? What if Ava's pregnant?

Annie: Don't even go there.

Babe: I'm sorry, but somebody has to. I mean, this whole campaign is centered around her head-to-toe body shots. If she screwed this up, I swear to God I'm going to toss her out the window.

[Babe's voice echoes]

Girl's voice: Ring around the rosie, pocket full of posies, ashes, ashes

Man's voice: We all fall down

Annie: No.

Babe: Annie?

Annie: It was supposed to go away.

Babe: What the --

Annie: Why doesn't it go away?

Ava: Oh, damn! Damn, why is it happening to me? It isn't fair!

J.R.: Don't worry -- it's not.

Ava: What?

J.R.: You could stop faking it now. There's no cameras or reporters around.

Ava: You son of a --

J.R.: You better be careful. I might drop you -- then you'll really be in pain.

Ava: I am in pain, you bastard!

J.R.: Oh, you're a better actress than I thought!

Ava: God! God, oh, I think I'm pregnant!

J.R.: What?

Ava: Why is this happening to me -- "why"?

J.R.: Well, you're just a regular train wreck, aren't you?

Ava: Wait -- what are you doing? What are you doing?

J.R.: I think this is where I'm supposed to leave you with your pregnancy test sticks.

Ava: No!

J.R.: Good luck, Mom.

Ava: If you desert me now, I will tell the world this baby is yours.

Babe: You ok?

Annie: I'm -- I'm just tired. Can we just pretend that never happened? Huh. Excuse me.

Babe: You talked to Ryan about it. Do you want to talk to me?

Annie: It's complicated.

Babe: And that's fine. Hey -- I have time.

Annie: I thought talking to Ryan about everything and digging up that past -- I thought it would fix everything.

Babe: But it didn't?

Annie: Obviously not.

Babe: I'm so sorry, Annie.

Annie: Hey, at least it makes me a little more interesting. Right? Crazy Annie --

Babe: Stop it.

Annie: On the verge of a nervous breakdown. We should sell tickets.

Babe: No, it's not funny.

Annie: Hey, I'm -- I'm fine, Babe.

Babe: If you say so.

Annie: I do. So, what's -- what's on the agenda for tomorrow? Really.

Babe: Um -- we have got a 9:00 a.m. with legal.

Annie: About Ava?

Babe: Not yet. Just covering our bases liability-wise for Fusion Green in case somebody wants to haul us into court.

Man: Liar. Liar!

[Gavel pounds]

Man: She's lying.


[Annie gasps]

Babe: Annie?

Annie: What?

Babe: What happened? Where did you go just now? What -- why are you a liar?

Annie: Nothing -- I'm -- I'm here. I'm right here.

Babe: What's going on? I -- do you want me to call Ryan?

Annie: No, no, no.

Babe: Why?

Annie: Don't call Ryan -- because I'm a liar.

Babe: Annie, stop it.

Annie: Because I'm a liar --

Babe: Annie, you're not.

[Music plays]

Jack: I thought we agreed that daughters were off-limits.

Erica: That was before your daughter went way off-limits and invaded Kendall's life, once again uninvited.

Jack: What are you talking about, that Hilliard thing again?

Erica: Oh, I'm sorry if this is such old news to you, Jack. But Spike could've died because of that witch doctor that -- that Greenlee dug up.

Jack: What are you talking about?

Erica: Oh, that's right, of course. You -- you don't know, you couldn't possibly know.

Jack: No.

Erica: That -- that phony "doctor" that Greenlee found? He prescribed some toxic vitamin cocktail for Spike.

Jack: Oh, my God. Is Spike all right? What about Kendall?

Erica: Spike stopped breathing. I mean, thank God he is all right -- I mean, he's going to be all right. And Kendall -- I mean, you could imagine.

Jack: Yeah, I could imagine. I had no idea. I'm so, so sorry.

Erica: Well, you didn't do it, Jack. It's -- it's Greenlee.

Jack: But, Erica, you have to know that Greenlee never meant to hurt Spike, right?

Erica: You mean just like she never meant to kidnap Spike?

Jack: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you ever going to stop this?

Erica: No, I'm not going to stop until Greenlee stops attacking my family.

Jack: Well, wait --

Pam: You guys ready for the run-through?

Erica: What?

Pam: The show -- you know, the reason, "He Said/She said" -- the reason we're all here?

Erica: Oh, yeah, there's the Pam I know. What, is that a little attitude I detect?

Jack: Yeah, yes, yes, Erica. Yes, Pam, we're ready -- we're more than ready. What's on for today?

Pam: Engaged couple, Jud and Elaine. Wedding scheduled in a month.

Jack: Let me guess -- "prenups -- do they kill romance?"

Erica: How about "weddings -- do they kill romance?"

Jack: Oh, this is going to be fun.

Pam: Hmm. I bet so.

Erica: So, the question is -- should I meet you at the altar or kick you to the curb? "He said, she said."

[Music plays]

Greenlee: You're a fake, Aidan, a spy for hire. No job too devious or despicable.

Aidan: Yeah. I don't --

Greenlee: Ryan.

Aidan: You're going to have to give me a lot more than that, Greenlee.

Greenlee: Ryan -- boss? Salary, spying, me? You gave me Alphonso!

Aidan: Yeah, you know what -- in a rare moment of weakness. So?

Greenlee: A stuffed tiger -- for me? And I reacted exactly how you wanted me to -- fell right into your little net.

Singer: I want you

Aidan: I'm sorry, I must be missing something here. I mean, is it because I'm sober? Should I get a triple shot of something?

Greenlee: You pretended to like me. You took me to bed, for God's sake.

Aidan: Oh, Greenlee, Greenlee --

Greenlee: Was that part of your job, too, by the way? Did you get extra combat pay for that?

Aidan: Will you stop being so ridiculous?

Greenlee: I fell for your stupid little act like some desperate loser. I mean, I really thought you liked me.

Aidan: I do, when you're not being completely impossible like you're acting right now.

Greenlee: Did you do all this to throw me off, to make sure I didn't know you were working for Ryan?

Aidan: I'm not working for Ryan.

Greenlee: Oh, yeah, sure you're not. I'm just some job to you -- creep.

Aidan: Greenlee? You're wrong.

Greenlee: No, I'm not. I figured you out.

Aidan: Listen, I'm telling you -- you're wrong.

Singer: Watch me rock the block

Ava: Help! Help me!

J.R.: Oh, somebody --

Ava: Help me, help me!

J.R.: Take this!

Ava: Oh, my God -- I'm in pain! I'm in pain -- Julia!

Julia: Ava, what happened?

Ava: Oh. I don't know. I just --

J.R.: Apparently --

Ava: I'm in pain. I need something to help me.

J.R.: The bun in the oven's angry at the mama.

Ava: Shut up!

Julia: She's pregnant?

J.R.: That's what she told me.

Ava: Oh!

Julia: Where does it hurt?

Ava: Everywhere!

Julia: Can you be a little bit more specific?

Ava: No! Ow!

J.R.: I think she's hurting somewhere in this area.

Ava: Yeah -- thanks, genius.

Julia: I'm going to go see which cubicles are free.

Ava: Oh! Oh! Oh, God, I need something for pain, like morphine or something, please.

Joe: All right.

Ava: Please!

Joe: Just calm down. Tell me what you're feeling.

Ava: I don't know. I feel like -- I feel like it was food poisoning or something, but it's not.

Joe: Have you taken drugs again?

Ava: No! I just -- oh -- feel like something's messed up in my stomach.

J.R.: She says that she's pregnant.

Joe: Are you?

Ava: I think. But, I mean, it's not supposed to hurt this bad until the baby comes out -- oh, God! Oh! Oh!

Julia: All the cubicles are full, but we'll take her to a room.

Joe: Let's go.

Ava: Oh!

J.R.: Wait a minute.

Ava: What?

J.R.: She's not faking, is she? This could be bad.

Julia: What do you think?

[Music plays]

Aidan: Can we talk about this like rational adults?

Greenlee: I don't know.

Aidan: Well, I think we can, all right? We've done it before. It's pretty easy -- you ask me a question, and I give you an honest answer.

Greenlee: Are you working for Ryan?

Aidan: Not at the moment, no.

Greenlee: Do you promise on your life?

Aidan: I could promise on your life if you -- no, I'm not.

Greenlee: I shouldn't have slapped you.

Aidan: You're right, yeah. Let me get you some ice, all right?

Krystal: Oh. I read your mind.

Aidan: Krystal, you are too good. Please, sit down.

Greenlee: I am so stupid and selfish and, even worse, dangerous. I don't know why they allow me to walk around with normal people.

Aidan: Normal people in Pine Valley -- yeah, that really is a stretch. You name me three normal people, and I will buy you a gold medal. Ah. Look, why would Ryan pay me to have a good time with you?

Greenlee: Uh -- I don't want to tell you.

Aidan: Well, I don't want to squeeze it out of you because I don't think your ribs can take it.

Greenlee: The doctor I found --

Aidan: Dr. Hilliard -- ok. What happened?

Greenlee: He gave Spike some vitamins -- and he had an allergic reaction. If the doctors weren't there, he -- he might have died.

Aidan: Is Spike all right?

Greenlee: Well, he's alive, but he still can't hear. Ryan wishes I were dead.

Aidan: But you -- you didn't give Spike the vitamins, right?

Greenlee: No.

Aidan: Well, then you've done nothing wrong. And you didn't know that Spike was allergic to them.

Greenlee: No, of course not.

Aidan: So you were only trying to help. I mean, it's not exactly a devil's motive, is it?

Singers: Watch me walk

Aidan: Greenlee, what is Ryan doing to you?

Greenlee: He's put me under a microscope -- I'm being watched. He gets reports on where I go, what I eat, who I see, what I wear to bed. Guess that'll make you think twice, huh?

Aidan: And you think you're being watched, even now?

Greenlee: Well, that's what he promised, 24/7. I thought you were one of them. I'm really sorry.

Wes: One dark and stormy. Enjoy.

Greenlee: No, I didn't order that.

Wes: Well, you didn't have to.

Greenlee: But who sent it?

Man: Hey. What -- hey, back off!

Aidan: Hey -- feeling a bit generous today, are we, Bill -- buying the lady a drink?

Bill: It's a free country. Pretty girl -- why not?

Aidan: Because she hates rum, and she's with me.

Krystal: All right, look, you take it easy, or you take it outside.

Aidan: Krystal, everything's ok. It's just an old friend learning a lesson. Listen here, Bill -- as of today, Greenlee is off your radar, and you can tell your boss that I said so.

Pam: Ok, let's dry-run to make sure we have enough material for the segment. Rusty?

Rusty: In five, four, three, two --

[Theme music plays]

Erica: Hello, and thank you so much for joining us on "She Said/He Said."

Jack: That's "He Said/She Said."

Erica: I'm Erica Kane.

Jack: And I'm Jackson Montgomery.

Erica: And we are about to tackle both a timely and timeless topic.

Jack: Cold feet -- is it nature's way of saying "Save yourself -- run"?

Erica: That's the question Elaine and Jud are asking themselves today.

Jack: And here they are.

Erica: Hi.

Jack: Welcome to the show.

[Cheers and applause]

Jack: Jud, let's start with you.

Erica: Ahem.

Jack: Tell us -- what's going on here?

Erica: When did the trouble all start?

Jud: Elaine has control issues.

Elaine: You're the one who wants to run this relationship.

Erica: Oh, you mean, Elaine, that he wants you where he wants, who he wants you to be. Is that it?

Elaine: Have you dated him, too?

Erica: Oh.

Jud: Can she do that?

Erica: Well, it's a flaw that so many men share.

Jack: Thank God there's women around to point that out. So, Jud, tell us -- what exactly about you is Elaine trying to control?

Jud: Well, at first, I noticed the little things -- how I dress, my friends. But she feels this need to be the center of the universe, to control the world.

Jack: Well, then Jud has certainly come to the right place for advice, because here is where the center of the universe got her start.

Aidan: Ah. You know what? I hate amateurs.

Krystal: That was a paying customer.

Aidan: No, Krystal, that was a private detective called Billy, and he's not a very good one.

Krystal: And so that bum's rush was just sort of a brotherhood of private detectives?

Greenlee: No, I'm being followed.

Krystal: You want to tell me more?

[Greenlee sighs]

Krystal: Oh, wait -- do -- do I want to know more?

Aidan: Well, that's up to you.

Krystal: I'm thinking no, I don't.

Wes: Huh. Uh -- that was my bad. I'm -- I'm sorry.

Greenlee: It's ok, forget about it.

Aidan: No, really -- no harm, no foul, all right?

Wes: Next time, I'll ask.

Greenlee: I know that we're not supposed to be impressed, but --

Aidan: Whew.

Greenlee: That was kind of cool what you just did.

Aidan: Who's "we"?

Greenlee: The modern, sophisticated woman, in which I am a very proud, card-carrying member.

Aidan: Greenlee, Ryan shouldn't be doing this to you.

Greenlee: Yeah, well, I know that, and I told him, but do you think he'll listen? I mean, he wants me out of town.

Aidan: What, by trying to scare you off?

Greenlee: Well, it was working until it -- until I slapped you. Why do you put up with me?

Aidan: Uh -- I guess I'm a glutton for punishment.

Greenlee: Seriously.

Aidan: I hate bullies. Kicking people while they're down is not high on my list.

Greenlee: So you were defending my honor, is that it?

Aidan: I'm sorry -- your honor?

Greenlee: Oh.

Aidan: I mean, we'd have to send a search party out for that.

Greenlee: Oh, you're bad! I mean in a good way.

Aidan: Yeah, I know, thank you.

Greenlee: But you're not going to hurt anyone, right?

Aidan: I'm a big pussycat -- you know me.

Greenlee: Yeah -- more like tiger.

Aidan: Listen, I'm going to take care of them and you concentrate on the other things, all right?

Greenlee: Such as?

Aidan: Your love story.


Jack: Welcome back.

Erica: Welcome back. Elaine, no one knows better than I your need for independence. And actually, in the right relationship, you really could expand your horizons. I think the right partner wants you to live up to and even surpass your -- your greatest potential.

Jack: And, Jud, while I would never trivialize your concerns -- because they are legitimate ones -- I must say they're also pretty normal.

Erica: Yes. I mean, you fall in love and then -- then you become intimate, and you worry that maybe this isn't the same person.

Jack: What if I continue to grow and change and he or she doesn't?

Erica: Yes, and so then you worry that, well, "forever" becomes just a few years -- or months.

Jack: Marriage is life-changing, and compromise is a part of commitment. You can't navigate a marriage without it.

Erica: Well, no, because it's a partnership. It's -- it's 50/50, and you're each part of that whole.

Jack: That's right. And later, if you're blessed enough to have children -- well, you'll find --

Pam: That's enough. Whoo, that was amazing -- wow! Jack and Erica, can we talk?

Jack and Erica: Sure.

Jack: Excuse me.

Erica: Excuse me. Well, that was surprising, I know. We actually agreed on something, I was surprised.

Jack: Yeah, so was I. It was nice.

Erica: Yeah.

Pam: Yeah, well, while, you know, you're congratulating yourselves, America just fell asleep.

Ava: So there's really no baby? I'm not pregnant?

Joe: No, you're not.

Ava: Ah -- just appendicitis?

Joe: It's severe appendicitis.

Ava: Oh.

Joe: A CT will tell us more.

Ava: God, I'm so lucky. You have no idea.

Julia: And neither do you if it perforates.

Ava: What?

Joe: Ava, we've got to get you into surgery before your appendix bursts.

Ava: No, no, uh-uh. I -- I don't do operations.

Julia: This isn't going to pass, Ava.

Joe: Hmm. Julia's right. We need to remove your appendix right away.

Ava: Oh, please. Come on, who dies from appendicitis?

Joe: Well, these days, in the United States, not very many, but that's because they have treatment.

Ava: That's what I want. Just give me some pain pills or a prescription or something, please.

Julia: You're past that point, Ava.

Ava: No -- no one is going to slice me up like human sushi, ok? I'm an actress and I model and scars aren't that big in Hollywood, ok?

Julia: It won't be that bad.

Ava: Well, then you have one.

Joe: If we get to it before it ruptures, we can remove the appendix with only three or four small incisions.

Ava: Three or four scars? No! No way!

J.R.: Ava, will you stop being an idiot and let them operate?

Ava: Oh, God!

Babe: Take your time, relax.

Annie: Don't look so serious.

Babe: I am serious, Annie. This isn't good.

Annie: Ok, I'll go home. And I'll -- I'll take off tomorrow. You can handle legal?

Babe: All I have to do is show up.

Annie: Ok. You take it, then.

[Annie sighs]

Babe: Maybe you should take more than just a few days off.

Annie: I just -- I keep having these weird flashes to when I was a kid, and I guess -- I guess talking to Ryan about it brought it all back. I'm sorry for being such a pain right now.

Babe: You're not. Stop it -- you're not a pain. You're a friend, and you can talk to me any time that you want.

Annie: Thank you.

Babe: You know, I'm actually going to swing by The Comeback, see my mom. You want to come with?

Annie: Uh -- I'd be lousy company right now.

Babe: Come on. We'll have a drink, we'll chill. We'll talk about my problems -- deal?

Annie: Well --

Babe: Come on. I officially declare Fusion closed. You grab the lights, and I'll get the elevator.

Annie: Oh -- oh --

[Annie screams when she finds her mother's body swinging from a noose and gasps as she kneels down to pick up the broken pocket watch]

Babe: Come on, Annie, let's go.

Joe: Ava --

Ava: Listen to me. You can say anything you want, but I am not doing any surgery.

Joe: All right. Julia --

Ava: Oh -- God. Oh -- oh! Jeez! Oh, my God -- are you still here?

J.R.: What are you trying to do? Are you trying to kill yourself?

Ava: Like you'd even care.

J.R.: You know, surprisingly, I would. So would your public.

Ava: Just get me a wheelchair. Wheel me out of here. Get me away from these butchers.

J.R.: There's a lot of staff between here and that exit.

Ava: So what? They can't force me to stay. I have rights.

J.R.: Yeah, you have the right to leave a beautiful corpse behind. What do you want me to say at your funeral?

Ava: Shut up.

J.R.: I'm just trying to understand why you're so scared.

Ava: My life, J.R., ok? And my job, my career. It's all tied up in my face and body.

J.R.: Which is why you need to protect yourself. You have a lot more to live for than you know.

Ava: Yeah, is that so? Like what?

J.R.: Just have the operation, and I will paint you a picture of Ava Benton's fame, money -- more money.

Ava: I'm doing fine, J.R.

J.R.: No, you've barely even started. What I have planned for you is bigtime, Ava.

Ava: What "you" have planned?

J.R.: Yeah, a whole network that revolves around you -- what you like, what you wear. You'll be on lunchboxes, T-shirts, Ava Benton dolls -- but only if you live long enough to do it.

Ava: Really?

J.R.: Yeah. You're a star, Ava. You know it, and I get it.

Ava: A star, yeah.

J.R.: Yeah, a star. So what do you say?

Ava: I say --

[Ava groans]

Ava: Ow!

Julia: Ava --

Ava: Come on, you're supposed to help people in pain!

Julia: Will you agree to surgery?

Ava: No, just get me some pills or a shot or something!

Julia: Pain pills -- not going to stop this.

Ava: It'll take away the damn pain!

Julia: Yes, and your appendix will burst, and you'll go septic, and you could die.

Lily: Ava --

Ava: Oh --

Lily: We have to fix this. I don't want you to die.

Erica: Pam -- would it be redundant if I fire you?

Pam: Erica, you can do whatever you want, but come on -- even you have to admit that segment was one long snore.

Erica: I thought it was interesting.

Jack: Pam, was it really that bad?

Erica: Oh, now she's the expert?

Pam: Listen, guys, "The New Divorce" wasn't such a big hit with our audience because it was a love-fest. Take the gloves off, mix it up.

Erica: Back off.

Pam: Erica, I admire you, I want to work for you, but I won't lie to you, either one of you. America loves your honesty. They want fireworks, not sugar water.

[Phone rings]

Pam: Yeah?

Erica: You were overly sweet.

Jack: Well, maybe that's because I just happened to agree with you.

Erica: Oh, that'd be a first.

Jack: You see, Jud? That's what you have to look forward to for the next ten years or so.

Pam: Roll tape.

Jack: So if I were you, I would get myself a catcher's mask and a protective cup, because you're going to need both.

Erica: Oh, poor Jack. Did I hurt his feelings? As if it's always my fault.

Jack: I never said that.

Erica: All this because I don't conform to what you think I should be.

Jack: You see what they do, Jud? You see what they do? If they don't like what you're saying, they just change the subject.

Erica: Oh, Elaine, you want to know what it's like to be married to a control freak? Well, there he is -- the great suffocater.

Jack: Me? I don't suck the air out of every room I walk into, Erica. That would be your job, and you do it so very well.

Erica: You haven't changed a bit.

Jack: Well, neither have you.

Pam: Cut. That was brilliant.

Greenlee: What do you mean, my love story?

Aidan: Don't get excited. I'm talking about -- ah -- this.

Greenlee: Right. My beach treasure. It looks very nice on you.

Aidan: Why, thank you. Is our bet still on?

Greenlee: Mm-hmm. My dollar says it's love, yours says it's a horror story.

Aidan: Well, I'll tell you what. When I track down the owner, I'll prove it.

Greenlee: And two long-lost lovers will be reunited because of this symbol of devotion that'll make their lives whole.

Aidan: Oh, Greenlee, I think you're going to make me cry.

Greenlee: Well, you should. It's a great story.

Aidan: We'll see about that, right?

Greenlee: You know, not everyone's a cynic. Not everybody lives miserably ever after -- present company excluded, of course.

Aidan: Poor baby.

Greenlee: That was pitiful, wasn't it?

Aidan: Yeah, maybe just a little bit. Maybe you should sort of ditch "miserably" and try "happily."

Greenlee: I am trying.

Aidan: Well, try harder.

[Greenlee chuckles]

Krystal: "Hey," baby doll! How's my favorite GED graduate?

Babe: Oh, I'm good, thanks. But tell the world, why don't you?

Krystal: Oh! Hey, look, I'm proud of you, and I don't care who knows it.

[Krystal chuckles]

Krystal: So what do you guys want to celebrate?

Babe: Um -- I guess I'm -- I'll have a beer. You?

Annie: Vodka tonic with lime, thanks.

Babe: Nice.

Krystal: Coming right up.

Babe: Good choice.

Krystal: I just wanted to give you a little heads-up, though. Greenlee's over there.

[Greenlee laughs]

Babe: Greenlee and Aidan? Are you saying --

Krystal: I don't know, but they sure are here together a lot.

Babe: I wonder what Greenlee would have to laugh about.

Aidan: Yeah.

[Annie is stunned to see her mother's pocket watch hanging from Aidan's neck]

Babe: So, where do you want to sit? Should we grab that table or maybe sit at the bar?

Annie: You know what, Babe? I -- I completely forgot, I have to pick up Emma. I lost track.

Babe: Ok, yeah. Um -- rain check, though, ok?

Annie: Sure.

Babe: Hmm. Ok.

Wes: Hey, hey!

Babe: Hi.

Wes: For you. Two-fisting it now?

Babe: My friend had to leave.

Wes: Well, do you want to hold on to it?

Babe: Uh -- no. God, how do I get her to open up?

Wes: I'm sorry -- was that meant for me?

Babe: Not really, but I mean, why not, right? You -- you tend bar, all bartenders are psychiatrists. So here's the thing, I --

Wes: No, no, no, I am not a therapist, no.

Babe: Oh, come on, close enough. Here's the thing.

[Wes sighs]

Babe: When a friend's upset, how do you get them to open up?

Wes: Male or female?

Babe: Female.

Wes: Oh -- order a bottle of wine and a slow dance, come on.

Babe: Thanks -- that took a lot of thought.

Wes: That's because it's so easy. You women are open to that sort of thing.

Babe: Not this one.

Aidan: So, what was our bet again? It was, uh, a dollar and a movie?

Greenlee: No, a movie -- for me, a chick flick, you, something blood and guts.

Aidan: Ok, so how about we do this -- how about we do a movie and a dollar?

Greenlee: Oh! Last of the big spenders, huh?

Aidan: Hey, well, I'm -- I'm all out for making it more interesting if you are.

Greenlee: Ok. Um -- how about --

Aidan: Oh, the brain's clicking. I think I hear a jackhammer outside.

Greenlee: The winner gets to call it. The "loser" does what I want.

Aidan: Yeah -- dream on. You mean, you'll have to do what I want.

Greenlee: Works for me.

Aidan: Yep. You know, it works for me, too. Are you hungry? Why don't we -- why don't we go get some dinner?

Greenlee: Ok.

Aidan: We could go somewhere and, say -- eat?

Greenlee: How about the beach? We could have a picnic.

Aidan: Yeah. We can pick some food up on the way.

Greenlee: Or if you give me an hour, I could pull something together.

Aidan: Something tells me that it's not going to be a home-cooked dinner. Ha, ha, ha.

Greenlee: Yeah -- "not home-cooked." But --

Aidan: Yeah.

Greenlee: Health department-approved.

Aidan: Ok -- one hour. I'm going to follow up on this little locket and then maybe I'll find the answer about this little locket, and I can collect my winnings for dessert.

Greenlee: Oh, uh, you mean I will.

Aidan: I'll see you at the beach.

Annie: I got rid of it, and it's back. It all keeps coming back.

Erica: What do you mean, "brilliant"? We weren't on.

Pam: Actually, you were.

Jack: Oh, that's right -- I forgot for a minute. Pam likes the more candid moments between us.

Erica: Well, it was laughable.

Jack: It was offensive.

Pam: It was exactly what the network wants -- honest, spirited, dramatic. You'll be a smash -- oh!

Erica: Oh!

Pam: Congratulations!

Jack: Yeah.

Pam: I'm calling the network.

[Jack sighs]

Jack: Well, at least we make good television. That's all that counts, right?

Erica: No, Jack. No, we -- we can't do this anymore.

Ava: Lily, what are you doing here?

Lily: J.R. called me.

Ava: You called Lily?

J.R.: The lady at the front desk wanted your next of kin here. She wouldn't shut up about it.

Lily: J.R. sounded very worried about you.

Ava: Lily, he's a creep.

Lily: I know that this is out of character for him, but, Ava, you have to do what Dr. Martin tells you.

Ava: Lily, this -- this environment is not good for you.

Lily: It's ok. I can handle the stimulation, but, Ava, you need to save your life.

Ava: Lily, it's ok.

Lily: But we're sisters, and sisters help each other.

Julia: J.R., you want to give them some time alone?

J.R.: She needs this.

Ava: Please, kick him out, now.

Lily: As soon as J.R. called, I looked up "appendicitis" online. It's very serious.

Ava: Well, I'll take my chances.

[Ava sighs]

Lily: Of survival? Without treatment?

Ava: What are my odds, Lily? Give me some percentages or something.

Lily: I don't understand. Do you want to die?

Ava: No. It's just -- oh -- when I was little, my mom had this jewelry box thing. And when you opened it up, there was, like, a ballerina in it, you know, and it, like, spinned and danced to this music. She loved it, you know? She liked it a lot more than she liked me, so -- oh -- I wanted to be that ballerina. So I got up on a stupid coffee table and started dancing, and spinning, and got dizzy, and fell, and I smacked my head on the side of the table, and it bust open. So my mom -- oh! She -- she took me to the hospital to get stitches, and I was so scared, and she just gave the nurse all my info, and then she took off. I -- I thought that she had left me there to die, alone. I thought they were going to cut me up, and that I was going to die there, and no one that gave a damn about me was going to be there, you know? I'd just die alone -- with a bunch of strangers.

Lily: You don't have to be alone anymore. You have me, and I won't leave you with strangers.

Jack: With honey and lemon.

Erica: Thank you.

Jack: Yep.

Erica: I hate what happened today.

Jack: Not a fan of great television, huh?

Erica: We're so quick to rip -- rip each other apart.

Jack: It seems to come naturally.

Erica: More and more lately. We've loved each other for so long, but we always end up fighting.

Jack: And then making up.

Erica: And then we're fine. Till something else comes along to set us off. What's going on? Why can't we stop?

Jack: I don't know. I'll tell you what -- I'll break my contract with the show, if you like.

Erica: No, I don't want you out of my life, Jack. I -- I just want to stop the constant bickering.

Jack: Ok, then, maybe I should extend my contract with the show, instead.

Erica: I don't follow.

Jack: We have the perfect outlet here -- "He Said, She Said," the fight. But only on camera.

Erica: You mean, get our anger out on the show?

Jack: We have the format, we have a producer who wants blood.

Erica: You mean, vent on camera?

Jack: We help our guests, and we help our viewers, but we also help ourselves.

Erica: Use "He Said, She Said" as our own personal on-air relationship therapy?

Jack: Well said. It's worth a try, isn't it?

Erica: I think it'll work.

Jack: I know it will.

Lily: Ava, this is way more serious than stitches to close a cut.

Ava: I don't care!

Lily: But you don't have to be afraid. I won't leave you.

Ava: I could kill J.R. for dragging you into this.

[Ava groans]

Lily: Ava?

Ava: Oh, God!

Lily: Ava? Ava, what's happening?

Ava: Oh.

Lily: What are you doing? No, no! No, no, no, no, no! Ava, please don't die! Please don't let my sister die. Ava? Ava, wake up!

[Surf crashes and Greenlee hums as she happily sets up a picnic on the beach. When Aidan approaches to join her, someone hits him on the head with a rock and takes the pocket watch from around his neck.]

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Joe (to Lily): As Ava's closest relative, you do have the authority to sign the release forms.

Ava: No.

Annie (to Ryan): I saw Aidan with my mother's locket. It follows me no matter what I do.

Greenlee: Aidan? Aidan? Are you ok?

Zach (to Kendall): It's time. Go hold your son.

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