AMC Transcript Friday 6/22/07

All My Children Transcript Friday 6/22/07

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Jack: Erica, we don't have to go through with this divorce. We shouldn't even have filed for this divorce.

Erica: But Jack, you --

Pam: I knew it!

Jack: What the --

Man: Can you explain this? You were kissing.

Erica: We weren't exactly kissing.

Man: We know what we saw. Now America wants to know -- is it official? Is the divorce off?

Babe: Ok, the 24th amendment was the poll tax. Or was it the 26th? I can't remember.

Jamie: The 24th.

Babe: I cannot keep these straight.

Jamie: Look, most of the questions ask for a conclusion based on the information they give.

Babe: How can I infer when I can't think?

Jamie: You'll do fine. Look, think about -- uh -- getting the certificate. Think about how proud your mom and Little A will be. I'm proud of you already.

Krystal: All right, well, you two cats let me know if you need anything else.

Tad: Ok. All right -- um -- my turn, right?

Milla: Mm-hmm.

Tad: Um -- um -- um -- ok. Here's to -- here's to being the other woman.

Milla: Well, being scandalous has never been more fun.

Tad: Hmm, hmm.

Milla: Here's to "New Divorce."

Tad: No, no. No, it's "The New Divorce," and absolutely not. Here's to praying that we haven't been cast in -- in recurring roles, ok?

Milla: Oh, to you.

Singer: Why don't you tell me what's on your mind?

Milla: Mmm.

Tad: I feel sorry for Jack.

Milla: Yeah, you know, Jackson is such a great guy. But Erica Kane?

Tad: Oh, yeah, I know.

Milla: Wow.

Tad: Well, you know what they say -- it takes an entire village to raise a single Erica.

Milla: Well, I am just happy not to be in their way.

Tad: Hmm.

Milla: Besides, you are a much better date.

Tad: You're not half bad yourself.

J.R.: We're going to get out of here, ok? Everything's going to be just fine.

Amanda: You don't know that. Ok? Do you hear that? It's the sound of your plan going "boom."

J.R.: Yeah, well, then I'm going to come up with another plan.

Amanda: You are not in charge anymore, J.R. Your muscle-head kidnapping buds -- they deserted us. Ok, you have no idea what will happen. Huh, we could die in here.

J.R.: No. No, no, no, no, no. We are going to get out of here.

Amanda: And I should trust you, why?

J.R.: Because my father's all about power. He's all about control all the time. And he'll do whatever it takes to track me down.

Amanda: Because he loves you so much?

J.R.: No. Because I lost him $100 million.

Adam: Half-wits!

[Adam sighs]

Adam: The man assigned to following those thugs just dropped the ball.

Zach: And whoever dropped off the information is what?

Adam: Just gone, it's just gone. Damn it! Have you had any luck with your contacts?

Zach: Afraid not.

Adam: Why won't the kidnappers call?

Zach: Has the ransom transfer gone through?

Adam: It will within the hour.

Zach: We'll hear from them then.

Adam: No, no. Once the kidnappers have their money, J.R.'s not going to be of any use to them.

Zach: They'll release him.

Adam: No, they're not going to release him and risk being identified. We have to find J.R. before they kill him! I cannot lose my son.

J.R.: My dad will use losing his ransom as a way to attack my stocks, and my company --

Amanda: Who cares about your freaking company? Help me find a way out of here.

J.R.: Look, I am Adam Chandler's son. That means I'm his property, and I'm going to make him pay for it.

Amanda: Help me move this.

J.R.: You know, it'll serve him right if I starve to death down here.

Amanda: Shut up, J.R.! You know the only way your dad's going to cough up the cash is if he still cares about you.

J.R.: Are you even listening? My father is all about control.

Amanda: Oh, please. We could die in here and you can't focus on anything but Adam. This whole kidnapping drama is to prove that Daddy still loves you. You want your father back.

Jack: I made it clear to you at The Comeback. Keep the camera away.

Pam: This isn't my camera, it's Larry Longan's from his show.

Erica: Jack, let me handle this.

Man: You stole our idea for "Divorce Watch" for your show. You owe us.

Jack: I don't owe anybody anything.

Erica: I had no idea that you were coming. How is Larry?

Man: Oh, he's going to be sorry that he missed this. Pam called, said the tide was turning on "Divorce Watch."

Pam: There are enough ratings to go around.

Jack: Well, I'm not going to tell you again, I don't want any part of this, you understand?

Erica: Jack, wait a minute.

Pam: Erica, this is for sweeps. We had to go for it.

Man: Apparently, so did you. How did it feel to kiss the love of your life again?

Jack: I have no comment.

Man: Are you two getting back together?

Erica: No. No, we're not.

Man: What did that kiss mean?

Erica: It meant that Jack is having a very hard time coming to terms with the inevitable.

Jack: Is that what it meant?

Man: Jack, was that a good-bye kiss, or the flicker of an old flame?

Jack: I'll tell you exactly what that was. It was none of your damn business.

Man: What's your answer to America?

Jack: I'll tell you my answer to you -- go to hell!

Erica: No, no, no, no. He -- what he means is that --

Man: Oh, we know what it means. You can't hide from your fans. What do you say? Now is not the time to be shy. Let your heart pour out. Let our viewers feel your pain.

[Jack pushes the microphone away and punches the host in the face]

Erica: Oh!

Milla: Tad the cad?

Tad: Yeah, believe it or not.

Milla: Really?

Tad: Yeah. Sounds like a snack, doesn't it?

[Milla laughs]

Tad: Yep. Way back when, when the world was still cooling. I don't want to brag, but I was known to have a certain fondness for the ladies.

Milla: Huh. Well, they still seem to have a fondness for you.

Tad: Yeah, because I got money.

[Milla laughs]

Tad: I know. Have another drink.

Milla: Why don't we have that other drink back at my place?

Tad: Uh -- hmm. Whoo. Wow -- um -- I'd -- I'd love to, but --

Milla: But you're not that into me, are you?

Tad: No, no, no, no, no, wait, wait -- no, no, it's not that. Really, it's not that. It's -- you're definitely -- definitely. I -- I just -- I don't -- I don't think I can tonight. I'm sorry.

Milla: Huh. Your loss. But if you change your mind, give me a call sometime.

Tad: I will do that.

Milla: Hmm. Good night.

Tad: Good night.

Milla: Good night.

Krystal: Ice water? The closest thing I have to a cold shower.

Tad: Yeah, well, I could use it.

Krystal: What happened? Huh? Ms. Candy Pants and you seemed to be ready to close the deal.

Tad: Oh, I closed it all right. I pretty much nailed it shut.

Krystal: Well, that's a shame. She had "disappointment" written all across her forehead when she left.

Tad: I'm just not in a place where I can get into the dating thing, that's all.

Krystal: Yeah, I know. I know. You haven't been getting into the dating thing for quite some time now.

Tad: Is that obvious?

Krystal: Oh, come on. A beautiful, smart, successful, available attorney is interested in you, and you turn her down. Come on, what happened to "Tad the cad"?

Tad: The cad has been retired.

Krystal: The cad is a coward.

Babe: What about clueless plus wrong equals lost?

Jamie: Come on, give it a try. It's a 50/50 chance.

Babe: I hate Math. You don't understand. I have been alive for over 20 years, and I haven't used this stuff once.

Jamie: That's it. It's break time, come on.

Babe: What? No, no, where are we going? I do need to study.

Jamie: You, my dear patient, need to learn how to relax. Let's go. Skedaddle.

[Ava whimpers in her sleep]

Jonathan: Ava? Ava, are you ok? Hey.

Ava: What are you doing here?

Jonathan: Ava, it's ok, it's ok. You're safe here.

Ava: What, from you? This is not a peep show.

Jonathan: You were having a nightmare. You sounded scared.

Ava: And why do you care?

Jonathan: I just wanted to make sure that you're ok.

Ava: Oh.

Jonathan: You know, the first night in any new place -- it's -- it's weird.

Ava: Yeah, that's one word to describe it.

Jonathan: Yeah. No, but -- but you're sure you're all right?

Ava: Yeah, I'm fine now.

Jonathan: Ok.

Ava: So do I look more like Lily when I sleep?

Jonathan: Good night, Ava.

Ava: Jonathan, wait. Don't leave.

Adam: No email. The webcam is still down. Maybe they've already killed him.

Zach: They want their money.

Adam: Huh. I told -- I told J.R. That I -- that he was dead to me. I looked him right in the eye and said "You're gone." Huh. I pushed him away. It's my fault he's in this mess.

Zach: I doubt that.

Adam: So help me, I would -- I would forgive anything for J.R. right now. Whatever it takes. Just bring him back alive. Bring my son home to me.

[Phone rings]

Adam: Chandler here. Have you found my son? Ah, yeah -- um -- yes, thank you. The money transfer has gone through.

J.R.: Oh, you have been locked up way too long. You're getting delusional. I give two spits about my father.

Amanda: Denial, party of one, your table's now ready.

J.R.: I set up this kidnapping to get back at my dad. I don't care if he loves me or not.

Amanda: I have been locked up here with you for god knows how long -- hours, days -- and it's all about Adam. Everything you say, think, and do -- "Daddy, love me. Daddy, pay attention to me."

J.R.: Oh, you have lost touch with reality.

Amanda: Despite everything, you love your dad, and you want him to love you back.

J.R.: I have my son, and that's all the family that I need.

Amanda: Look, I go to bed at night hoping that I will wake up and my mom won't be sick anymore. That it will all be part of some horrible dream, but it's not, ok? It's real. But I still love her, despite everything that she's done.

J.R.: Oh, no, no, no -- do not compare my father to your mother.

Amanda: You cannot trade in your family when they hurt you, J.R.

J.R.: You know, you're starting to sound like your mother now. It's like crazy time. Whoo-hoo!

Amanda: Don't get mad at me because I called you out.

J.R.: No, you didn't do jack.

Amanda: You know that I'm right.

J.R. Yeah, keep telling yourself that.

Amanda: You are hung up on your dad, and you always will be.

J.R.: Ugh! Look, I don't care about my father. I hate my father. And you know what? He can go to hell. And you can go right there with him.

[Phone rings]

Adam: Yeah, Adam Chandler. Yes, yeah -- you have my money now. How is my son? Where is he? Is he all right? Yes, I -- I know where that is. It's -- 550. Got it. Hey -- thank you --

Erica: Jackson, what were you thinking? Are you all right?

Jack: Tell me something -- does that answer your question?

Pam: Maybe you'd better put some ice on that.

Man: Are you insane? You broke my nose!

Jack: Yeah, my aim's off. I was shooting for your jaw.

Erica: No, your nose is not broken, it'll heal.

Man: If I'm scarred -- if I'm disfigured, you're looking at a seven-figure lawsuit, buddy.

Jack: Yeah, you're looking at a countersuit -- violation of property, trespass-- stalking. Now get the hell out of here before I give you another pop right in the mouth. And you, too, Pam. Get out of here, both of you. Now!

Man: You'll be hearing from me.

Jack: Oh, I'll count the hours and minutes. Don't trip on the cord. That was surely nice. You must be so proud of yourself.

Erica: I had nothing to do with that.

Jack: Oh, come on, Erica. Sweeps, ratings? Two of your favorite words. You want me to believe you didn't have anything to do with that?

Erica: Pam handled all of that. She arranged all of that. I knew nothing about it, trust me.

Jack: Oh, but you loved it, though, didn't you? "Oh, absolutely, definitely, surely we're going to get divorced." You keep telling America that's what you want.

Erica: Well, we are getting a divorce, Jack. You said that's what you want. And I still want it.

Jack: No, I'll tell you what you want. What you want -- what you want is to tease me in front of your fans. What you want is to drive me so crazy that I what you want is a season finale with me crawling on my hands and knees begging you to come back, pleading for you to end all this. Well, you know what? I understand that. I understand why. You want to know why? Here's why. Because that way, you get to claim victory, and you get me back.

Ava: Well, I didn't mean to upset you about Lily.

Jonathan: I don't want to talk about Lily.

Ava: Ok, that's fine. No worries.

Jonathan: All right, so you asked me to stay. Why?

Ava: Because I want to thank you again for giving me the 411 on this joint.

Jonathan: Well, you know, we're all going to make sure that you feel welcomed here.

Ava: Thanks for checking in on me. That was really -- really nice.

Jonathan: You know, anytime.

Ava: And thanks, too, for the ghost stories. Yeah, fell asleep dreaming about decapitated claws and hands.

Jonathan: I'm sorry about that.

Ava: That was some nightmare. I was dreaming that I was running in a forest, and I couldn't find my way out, and then all of a sudden, I see my mom, except for she's not my mom, she's this crazy, pot-boiling, cackling witch.

Jonathan: Any similarity to the real one?

Ava: Well, my real mom doesn't have a pot.

Jonathan: Right, I get it.

Ava: Yeah, let's just say we weren't the best of friends, never were.

Jonathan: I know the feeling.

Ava: Yeah, so I didn't have any heart-to-hearts with Mommy. But whatever. People grow up with crappy parents all the time. They just move on and get over it.

Jonathan: Some people, you know, spend their entire lives trying to move on.

Ava: Right. I heard about your dad.

Jonathan: Yeah -- um -- Dad -- he was a real charmer, that guy.

Ava: Yeah, Lily told me he gave you a brain tumor?

Jonathan: Yeah. Something like that.

Ava: Wow. That's one big scar. Probably not one that's so easy to just get over, huh?

Jonathan: Yeah, but move on, though, right?

Ava: Right.

Jonathan: Right.

Ava: God, is it always so cold in here? Who cranked up the AC?

Jonathan: Right here. [Foreign accent] It gets much cooler here at night, ok? [Normal voice] So --

Ava: Thank you.

Jonathan: You're welcome. Here you go.

Di: Ava? Is it too late? You have a visitor.

Jonathan: Lily.

Lily: I got your message. Thank you for inviting my sister to stay with you.

Ava: Lily, I didn't want you to worry.

Di: It's our pleasure.

Lily: And this place is closer to your job than my house is, right?

Jonathan: Job?

Ava: Oh, it's just -- it's really boring. You don't want to hear it. Lily, babe, what are you doing here?

Lily: I found something that belongs to you, and I knew you'd want it. How are you going to make your wishes at night without it?

Ava: This stupid thing? It's nothing.

Di: What do you wish for?

Ava: It's lame. Forget it.

Jonathan: Oh, no, no, no. It's too late now. You got to tell us.

Ava: Lily, how's your dad doing?

Lily: He's very busy. Every night, Ava holds her crystal and wishes for, A, stardom, B, a big, huge Hollywood mansion, and C, a bitchin' happy life.

Ava: Well, they're just joke wishes. I mean, have you ever heard of throwing pennies in a fountain? It's no big deal.

Di: They sound like pretty good wishes to me.

Jonathan: They sound like pretty big ones to me.

Lily: And sometimes she adds other stuff, but mostly she just wishes for those three things.

Ava: Lily, what do you think of my room? It's pretty sweet, huh?

Lily: It's too big.

Ava: I've never had this much space.

Lily: I still like it when you're at my house better. I miss you.

Ava: I miss you, too. But you can still come over, all the time, whenever. I mean, they've got a really sweet pool.

Di: Yeah, don't remind Del about that. He's going to want to play pool boy.

Ava: But you two probably won't want to go swimming down by the boathouse, right? Where you shipped your wedding stuff down the river?

Lily: One action wouldn't preclude the other.

Di: Well, what's this about weddings and rivers? What?

Ava: Well, Jonathan and Lily packed up all their wedding stuff, like her bouquet, and things that you would put in a scrapbook, and they floated it off, like a Japanese lantern or something.

Di: That's beautiful.

Ava: Yeah, I thought so, too.

[Jonathan walks out of the room]

Ava: He'll never stop loving you, Lily.

Jamie: All right, step one -- burgers. Grease, a little-known fact, is a great cramming food. Step two is just peace and quiet.

Babe: That I get, but the burgers, I'm not sold on, sorry.

Jamie: You know, I like to come here sometimes when I'm pulling an all-nighter. Just hang out on the dock, stretch out.

Babe: Yeah, I feel better already.

Jamie: It's amazing what a change of scenery can do.

Babe: Thank you for getting me out.

Jamie: You know, when I'm really fried, I like to just strip down and dive right in.

Babe: Oh --

Jamie: It's a real jolt. It's better than a whole pot of coffee.

Babe: Yeah, I think I'm going to stick to the whole caffeine thing, thanks.

Jamie: You're missing out.

Babe: Another time. Right now, I'm going to stick to the whole studying-on-the-dock thing.

Jamie: All right. Where do you want to start?

Babe: Um -- you know, I actually need to go over a few more chapters of the GED before you start firing off any more questions at me.

Jamie: Yeah, it's all good. I got Anatomy to go over, so --

Babe: Cool.

Jamie: What's up?

Babe: This is nice.

Jamie: I told you so.

Babe: Being here with you. By the water, it -- it reminds me when we first met. On the beach.

Jamie: That was some night.

Babe: Yes, it was.

Erica: I am not luring you back for ratings or a season finale, or anything.

Jack: This whole thing is one big tease for you, isn't it?

Erica: You know, I can't help what you choose to believe.

Jack: Oh, come on, that little show you and Tad put on -- that dance around the pool table? What the hell was that about, huh?

Erica: Has it ever occurred to you that maybe you want me to entice you?

Jack: Oh -- I'll tell you what that was for. You were trying to get back at me.

Erica: Oh, for what? For -- for that woman? That Milla, Meela -- whatever the heck her name is? Not even on my radar.

Jack: Oh, well, you certainly have a funny way of showing that.

Erica: You were teasing me -- with that flirting, with that -- that Milla Godzilla person, whoever she is, and you didn't have any problem with the cameras in your face then.

Jack: Consider it a warning. Because if you keep this up -- if you keep this up, we're going to get this divorce, Erica. And then I'll be free to date anybody I want.

Erica: Oh, hey, be free now. Knock yourself out, I don't care.

Jack: So that's what you want? You want me to marry Milla, or one of the 800 women who are so interested?

Erica: There were only 300.

Jack: Oh, well, let's not split hairs, shall we? My point is I'm not going to do what you want. I'm not going to come crawling back to you.

Erica: I don't expect you to.

Jack: Ok. You want to save our marriage? It's easy. Three-step program -- one, stop this reality-show nonsense right now. Two, admit that you don't want this divorce. And, three, you tell the world that you want me back.

Krystal: I can now officially call my first night as a bar owner "over."

Tad: How do you feel?

Krystal: Exhausted.

Tad: Hmm.

Krystal: You?

Tad: You know, it's funny you should ask. I -- I don't feel like a coward.

Krystal: Oh, come on, are we back to that again?

Tad: No, we never left. I can't believe that you, for one, cannot accept the fact that I'm simply not in a place to get involved in extracurricular activities.

Krystal: Learning is done in more places than the classroom, grasshopper.

Tad: Ok, tell you what. Let's leave the -- the little barroom wisdom behind the bar and have a serious conversation. You know my life. You know my job. We're both involved with Jenny. I -- I can't afford any entanglements, that's it. That's -- it's that simple.

Krystal: I know your job is demanding, it always has been.

Tad: Well, thank you for --

Krystal: And I'm glad you are involved in Jenny's life. I appreciate that, but you have always had kids, and you have always managed to dally about in the past.

Tad: That was different.

Krystal: You mean you were different.

Tad: Is that such a bad thing?

Krystal: That depends. Are you really living your life, or are you just existing in it?

Tad: Oh, ok. You know what? I got a -- I got an idea. Let's leave the little cornucopia of goodies behind the bar for paying customers, ok?

Krystal: Tad, you are afraid. You're afraid to take a risk and get yourself out there and live life.

Tad: How would you know?

Krystal: Because, after my break with Adam, I was headed for hibernation, honey. And then almost losing Jenny -- I was like a mama bear only out to protect my cubs and nothing else, and then you came along, showed up at my door with those raggedly flowers.

Tad: Is this the part where you call me a gift horse?

Krystal: No. I appreciate it. That's the thing. That is my point. You knew that I needed a break. You knew that I needed to be more than just than the future ex-Mrs. Adam Chandler, so you dragged me here, we had some fun, and I found a little piece of myself here. And then look what happened.

Tad: Yeah, look what happened. You made a really dubious career choice.

Krystal: No. In a year of a lot of bad choices, I think I made a really good one.

Tad: Congratulations.

Krystal: Don't you see? I really love this new part of my life.

Tad: Ok, so what's your point, babe -- you want me to open up a sports bar down the street, give you a run for the money? Is that it?

Krystal: You don't need another business, you need a life.

Tad: Seriously, ouch.

Krystal: Oh, come on. I'm sorry, Tad. You need a social life.

Tad: Who do you think you're talking to, ok? Look, I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but do you honestly think this bar is going to keep you warm at night?

Krystal: I -- I got a date. I have a date.

Tad: Oh, sure. With who?

Krystal: With Derek Frye.

Tad: Oh, when is it? Come on, when is it?

Krystal: When I'm ready.

Tad: When you're ready? Let's be honest, ok, sweetie? It's nobody here but you and me. Let's tell the truth. You're never going to be ready. You're never going to be ready as long as you and Adam keep circling one another.

J.R.: We are done discussing my father. Done.

Amanda: Well -- fine.

J.R.: Ugh! Damn it!

Amanda: Stop, J.R., it's no use.

J.R.: No, I'm getting out of here. Ugh!

Amanda: You're going to hurt yourself.

J.R.: So?

Amanda: Fine, but I don't know how to fix a dislocated shoulder.

[Knocking]

Amanda: Hello? Hello?

J.R.: What the hell --

Adam: J.R. -- Thank God -- thank God you're alive. J.R., J.R., my son, my son, my son. Oh -- I was afraid I'd lost you, buddy. Oh, J.R., you're home. Home safe.

[Adam chuckles]

J.R.: It's good to see you, too, Dad.

Adam: Oh -- "good." It's a miracle. Are you all right?

J.R.: Yeah. Yeah, we're fine.

Amanda: Yeah, thanks for asking.

Adam: Amanda, we didn't know --

Zach: So you've been here this whole time?

J.R.: Dad, the money. Tell me you didn't transfer the money.

Adam: Of course.

J.R.: What? You're out of $100 million?

Adam: Son, I'm -- I'm keeping track of the money. We'll get it back.

Zach: I hope so, for your sake.

J.R.: Why is he here? What are you doing in this?

Zach: I'm a silent fundraising partner.

Adam: Not so silent.

Zach: Whatever.

J.R.: What? What, of all the people, you chose Slater? You didn't -- you didn't need any financing!

Adam: Shh, shh, shh. You're my son, I had to bring you home.

Amanda: Oh, speaking of, can we --

Zach: You sure you're all right?

Adam: Come on.

Amanda: Nothing some pizza and a good bed won't fix.

Adam: Come on. Come on, I know what I'm doing. I've protected myself and my money.

J.R.: Yeah, that's what I thought.

Adam: What do you mean?

J.R.: Dad, just -- listen to me, listen to me, listen to me. Make the call, ok? Make the call and track down the trail, find your -- find the money, ok?

Adam: What aren't you telling me?

J.R.: Just do it.

Tad: Every time you and Adam are together in the same room, the rest of us have to scurry around locking the doors and the window --

Krystal: What?

Tad: For fear they're going to get sucked off their hinges.

Krystal: No! We are finished.

Tad: Oh, who do you think you're talking to? I was in the -- the same room when he stopped by for a visit.

Krystal: No.

Tad: I saw you, I saw him.

Krystal: Not true.

Tad: "Not -- not true." I -- it is true. I can -- I can even prove it. I dare you --

Krystal: Oh, really?

Tad: Madam bartender. Bet me a free drink. Come on.

Krystal: You're on.

Tad: All right, fine.

Krystal: You're on.

Tad: Get it over here right now.

Krystal: You got it.

Tad: Two fingers, some real -- some real rotgut -- give me that third red eye right there. All right, now answer the questions, all right? True or false -- just true or false, that's it. True or false, you still sign your name Chandler?

Krystal: True -- at least business, legal.

Tad: Hmm -- just true or false, that's it. True or false, you still have stuff over at the mansion.

Krystal: True, I'm leaving it there.

Tad: Hey, hey, hey, I was --

Krystal: True, true. True.

Tad: Do you speak English? Thank you. True or false -- you love your daughters?

Krystal: True.

Tad: You love your new business.

Krystal: True.

Tad: You love your grandson.

Krystal: True.

Tad: You love Adam.

Krystal: True.

Tad: I rest my case.

Krystal: All right, look. There is still something there, Tad. Call me a masochist, but I don't want to talk about it.

Tad: Oh, I'm so -- oh, terrific. Ok, but it's fine for you to elbow your way into my life and play with my warm and janglies?

Krystal: I just don't want to turn this into The Krystal Carey Show." We were talking about you.

Tad: No, no, let's get back to Tad, the palace eunuch.

Krystal: No, your answer to heartbreak is celibacy.

Tad: "Cel--"

Krystal: Yeah.

Tad: Celibacy has never been my problem.

Krystal: No, you could be a candidate for the seminary, boyfriend.

Tad: Not a chance. I'd be struck by lightning the minute I walked through the door. Take it from me, sweetheart -- I want to get back in the game, it's going to be lock-up-your-daughters time.

Krystal: Well, thanks for the warning. When's that going to be?

Tad: As much as I appreciate your efforts, they are not necessary.

Krystal: Tad, the the next time a beautiful, attractive, available girl makes an offer, take it.

Jamie: Babe, it was a long time ago.

Babe: Well, tonight it feels like it just happened. J.R. and I had just left San Diego, and I was so excited to be Mrs. J.R. Chandler. I -- I'd only known him for two weeks. I mean, when I fell for him, I fell hard and fast. It was like time stopped. And then he wanted me to meet his family, so we came home just after we got married and -- I remember it was all happening so fast, and I was -- I was so scared, and I'd -- J.R. had told me all these horrible things about his dad, and I had these visions of the Carringtons going through my head, and then -- and then there was the mansion and it was just -- it was just too much, too soon.

Jamie: So you came to the beach.

Babe: I came to the beach.

Jamie: And you found the party.

Babe: Where I met you and made such a mistake.

Jamie: I was there, too. I'm just as responsible for what happened that night.

Babe: Let's hit the books.

Lily: Jonathan and I are just too different to be together.

Ava: Yeah, but, Lily, haven't you ever heard of "opposites attract"?

Lily: But if two people are the opposite of each other --

Di: Happens all the time.

Ava: Yeah. Lily, it's -- it's like -- it's like magnets. You know how when you put the two positive sides together, they push each other away? It takes the opposite sides, like the positive and the negative, to make the magnets come together. So what if Jonathan's different? He's still cool.

Lily: But Jonathan and I are over.

Ava: Why'd you let him go? He's so funny and -- and gentle and kind and honest.

Di: He hasn't always been.

Lily: Yeah, Jonathan lied to me.

Ava: Yeah, but now you know about him. You figured him out, and he still cares about you.

Lily: I don't want to talk about Jonathan anymore. It's getting really late. I should go home. Good night.

Ava: Wow. I was wasting my breath, wasn't I?

Di: You like Jonathan, don't you?

Erica: I tried to play nice. I tried to tell myself that we're both adults and we can get along, but you know what? That's impossible.

Jack: You know what? I'm not going to argue about this anymore.

Erica: Well, then listen to me!

Jack: No, you listen to me because here's the deal! If you want me, if you want our marriage, you come home tonight. I'm talking about our home, our bed.

Babe: I don't know! Um --

Jamie: Yes, you do.

Babe: No, I don't! I -- seriously, I'm drawing a blank right now.

Jamie: Ok, come on, think.

Babe: Noun, verb, adjective --

Jamie: What are you missing?

Babe: Adverbs. My sanity! I have -- I just studied this yesterday! How could I not know this? Oh! Oh, shoot!

Jamie: Ok, you need to relax.

[Babe sighs]

Babe: It's easy for you to say because you have your diploma.

Jamie: That's it.

Babe: What? Now where are you taking me?

Jamie: It's time to run for your life.

Babe: What?

Ava: So Jonathan's not exactly the royal pain in the neck that he used to be -- so what?

Di: Yeah, well, I've been interested in reformed pain in the necks before.

Ava: Ok, he's cool --

Di: Uh-huh.

Ava: And I like him as a friend --

Di: Uh-huh.

Ava: Not as, like, a guy. He's so not my type.

Di: Ok, what is your type?

Ava: Oh, it's hard to say, really.

Di: Well, have you ever had a guy that you really liked?

Ava: Um, yeah, tons of them. But I've just never been stupid enough to get all hung up on one.

Di: Ok.

Ava: I mean, who wants to be that desperate, pathetic girl waiting for her man to come love her and save her? Oh, no, thank you!

Di: Ava, you don't have to be pathetic to care about someone.

Ava: Ok, but I'd rather just not be relationship roadkill. It only works for people like Lily. I mean, guys totally love that angel innocent thing. With me, they just fool around with and never get serious with. I mean, just look at Jonathan -- he worships Lily. You can see it every time he looks at her.

Di: I've seen him look at you the same way, and it's not because you look like Lily.

Adam: What do you mean, you lost track? You had one simple job and that was to keep an eye on my money! Well, find it! How did you know the money was gone?

J.R.: We're going to find these guys.

Zach: Now, how can you be so sure, Junior?

Jonathan: Am I interrupting?

Di: No, just a little girl talk. Come on in.

Jonathan: Um -- I just wanted to say sorry about how I -- I bolted earlier.

Ava: It's ok, no big deal. And I'm sorry -- I shouldn't have brought up the river thing. But Lily's not here. She's been gone for a while.

Jonathan: I didn't come to talk about Lily. All right, well, good night, then.

Di: Sleep easy.

Ava: Night, Jonathan.

[Di sighs]

Di: Yeah. It's late, I should -- I should crash, too.

Ava: Ok. Good night, Di.

Di: Jonathan came to see you.

[Door closes]

Babe: The answer, the answer that I didn't know -- it just came to me! Interjections and -- get ready for this -- conjunctions.

Jamie: You got it!

Babe: Yeah, baby!

[Babe chuckles as she slaps Jamie's hand then holds it]

[Jack lies alone in his bed looking at his watch]

Tad: Erica? This had better be good. Do you have any idea what time it is?

Erica: Tad? I need you to do me a favor. Will you sleep with me tonight?

J.R.: You can go ahead and leave, Slater. This is a family matter. You'll get your damn money soon enough.

Zach: I hope so because in 48 hours, this house, your cars, your yacht, and all your stock in Chandler Enterprise is going to be mine.

J.R.: You son of a --

Zach: Shh. Junior, can I ask you a question? I'm not a decorator, but I kind of think this room would look better in blue.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Tad (to Erica): Just the idea of being able to get busy with you is making me the happiest man on earth.

Adam: I'm calling the FBI.

J.R.: No, no, no. There's no reason to bring them into this.

Adam: I want those worms to pay!

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