AMC Transcript Tuesday 3/27/07

All My Children Transcript Tuesday 3/27/07

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Provided By Glynis
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Kendall: You know, Fusion will never be the same.

Bianca: We owe it to Simone and Erin to make it just as good.

Kendall: Even better. God, I wish Dani were here.

Bianca: Well, don't worry. She'll be back before you know it.

Erica: And --

Bianca: Hi.

Erica: Thanks to me, Dani will have a job to come back to.

Kendall: Mother --

Erica: Ok, I have managed to keep Fusion afloat during all these dark times. I am certainly not going to desert you now. Your fall colors -- they were wilting. But now, look at this. Look at this glorious palette.

Kendall: It is beautiful.

Erica: And your projections for 2008. Chapter 11 waiting to happen. I have been problem-solving since dawn. And why are you ignoring all your potential markets?

Kendall: Mother, what's going on?

Erica: Roll up your sleeves. We have a crisis to avert.

Jack: Livia, listen to me. Erica can do 100 things at once.

Zach: Hi.

Jack: Hello.

Zach: I thought it might be a bit of a morale booster to walk in with the boss.

Jack: that's nice. You know, Zach, sometimes I think I've been overly protective of her. Sometimes I don't think I've been protective enough, and I regret that.

J.R.: Did you have enough blankets last night? Can I --

Babe: Yeah, but this is crazy. Your dad can't keep the power off forever.

J.R.: I know.

Krystal: Babe?

Babe: Mama?

Krystal: Babe, honey?

Babe: Mama?

Krystal: Yes?

Babe: What?

Krystal: Yes!

J.R.: Wait a minute, wait a minute -- I got the key. Hold -- hold on a second.

Babe: He's grabbing a key. Is the baby ok, Mama?

Krystal: The baby's ok. Hurry!

Krystal: Ok. Hurry up.

Babe: Mama, just a second.

Colby: What is going on?

J.R.: Just give us a second.

Krystal: Oh, God.

Woman: Yeah, I recognize his face.

Man: Maybe it's his brother, Stuart. He's eccentric.

Man: Damn it, Chandler! What is wrong with you? Get security.

Man: Yes, sir.

Adam: What the devil are you all staring at? Oh. Martin, you're dead.

Krystal: Well, I'll give you a hint -- the lock didn't just sprout glue.

Colby: Babe's got an ice pick.

Krystal: Good thinking.

Tad: You know what? Here's a thought -- why don't you lie down and get some rest? Take a load off.

J.R.: Tad? Are you in there?

Krystal: Yes, he's in here. Your daddy knocked him over the head and tied him up.

Babe: Tad, is Mama and the baby -- are they ok, or is she just saying that?

Tad: No, they're fine, honey. We're all fine.

Babe: Adam has lost his mind. What if Mama would have gone into labor or something?

Colby: Dad wouldn't do this.

J.R.: He would, and he did.

Babe: Ok, get the door off the hinges, or I'm going to knock it down, and I swear to you, when I find Adam, I'm going to kill him.

Colby: Well, we'll have to find him first.

Adam: I don't pay you to ogle. What, you've never seen a grown man naked? Back to work!

Adam: I didn't do this to myself.

Guard: I need to see some ID.

Man: You don't know Adam --

Adam: No! No, shut up! No! Don't tell him one damn thing! Bedford, take off your pants.

Guard: Whatever kind of party you're throwing, you can't.

Adam: No, get out! Bedford, come on. Let's have your pants. Hand them over.

Jamie: Oh, not again.

Adam: What in the hell are you doing here?

Aidan: What happened?

Guard: I figure drinking games, followed by streaking, and then the old guy passed out.

Adam: Get out of here while you still can, all right?

Jamie: It's ok, folks. We can handle this.

Adam: Your father isn't going to win this one.

Jamie: J.R. sent me to -- collect you. J.R. is his son.

Adam: No, I have no son.

Man: Yes -- you do.

Adam: Get out of my boardroom, now!

Aidan: This guy -- he's always taking off his clothes.

Adam: This is a 100-degree setup.

Jamie: Oh, man. Now he's paranoid. He's probably dangerous. You may want to --

Adam: I am not paranoid. There are people really out to get me. Now get the hell out of my boardroom. Go!

Aidan: Yeah -- um -- you'd better let them know he's ok.

Jamie: Yeah.

Aidan: Adam, no one's out to get you, mate.

Jamie: We found him.

Aidan: We even bought you some clothes so, you know, in case you want to go home.

Jamie: He's doing the nudist thing again.

Jamie: I don't think they're going to have to arrest him, but --

Guard: If you put this on, you can leave.

Jamie: It shouldn't be long now.

Tad: Keep me posted.

Guard: Just for a little while.

Jamie: Will do.

Guard: Be a good boy.

Adam: Move!

Tad: Whew! Hooking up with Fish and Chips was the best thing I ever did. Unfortunately, the poor boy's all tied up.

Colby: Call him back and take him off any cases he's on and get him to find my dad, please!

Tad: Why? I say good riddance. Vaya con dios. Who the hell cares where your father is?

Colby: Oh --

J.R.: Locked in a trunk on his way to Bora Bora again, yeah.

Colby: Do you know where Dad is?

J.R.: No, I don't.

Tad: Well, don't look at me, because I was tied up and locked in here all night long. I'm just saying if he stays gone, I'm not going to mourn the loss, ok? I want him as far away from Krystal as he could possibly get. I want my child born in a stress-free environment.

Krystal: Like there's any chance of that.

J.R.: I want what's best for the baby, too!

Tad: I'm sure he's going to show up as mad as ever in a few minutes, everybody, so let's just take it easy. In the meantime, all the excitement has made me hungry.

Krystal: Wait a minute.

Kendall: Mom, you've invested a lot of energy and resources into Fusion these past few months, but we'll repay you.

Erica: This isn't about money. This is about helping my daughters. Review your 'P' and 'L's' for foreign sales -- you need me.

Bianca: Yeah, you know what? We really could use some help with that.

Kendall: But Fusion can't co-opt you. Your fans -- they're depending on "New Beginnings" for inspiration.

Erica: My fans are very happy. Why don't you think of this as a new beginning for you? This is my gift to you.

Kendall: Well, couldn't you have just given us a little warning?

Erica: Well, there's no time to waste. Kendall --

Sean: Erica? Is there somewhere private we can talk?

Erica: Uh -- Sean -- uh, yeah, sure, of course. Excuse me.

Kendall: Mm-hmm.

Bianca: Hey, we really could use her help. She's right about a lot of this. Why are you so against her coming here?

Kendall: Oh, come on, Bianca, you have to know. You're the only other person in this world who could.

Sean: This is a totally wrong move, Aunt Erica, the worst. You cannot divorce Uncle Jack.

Jack: I'll tell you, Zach, Lily hasn't been so excited about anything since she thought she was going to set up house with Jonathan Lavery.

Zach: Are you ok with her working with me?

Jack: Well, honestly, I haven't always agreed with what you do or how you do it, but what you did for Kendall, man --

Zach: I did that -- I put her in danger, it was me.

Jack: But becoming associated with Cambias Industries again -- I know that couldn't be easy for you. But you did it for Kendall and Bianca, for our -- for the family, and I -- I admire that. Thank you.

Zach: You would've done the same thing.

Jack: I hope so. Anything you need -- or Kendall or Spike or the little one on the way -- you just let me know. I owe you.

Zach: Well, not for hiring Lily. I want her to work for me. She's great with numbers, and I do trust her.

Jack: Well, if that's what you're looking for, she's your girl, no doubt -- and here she is. Morning, sweetheart.

Lily: Hello?

Jack: Honey, you ready to go?

Lily: I thought she wanted to come in.

Jack: "She" who?

Lily: The woman that was peeking outside the window.

Kendall: What is it like to be the daughter of Erica Kane? Only you and I know. And Josh -- there's Josh, but he joined the party a little too late and he's a guy, so he doesn't count. We are it.

Bianca: Right, but she's a good mom. I mean, yes, you guys have had your issues in the past -- so have we -- but we're adults now.

Kendall: Binks, I'm not criticizing her mothering at all, I'm really not. In fact, just the other day, Spike and I -- we were doing things together, and I -- I was very Mom. It was -- I was just like her, which is really weird, considering that she didn't even know me until after my toddler years.

Bianca: Ok, so what's the problem?

Kendall: It's everyone knowing that she's our mother.

Bianca: Ah. Ok. It's the Erica Kane shadow.

Kendall: Yes, yes! How old am I? Haven't I done enough on my own that every article about Fusion shouldn't have to put "the daughter of Erica Kane" in the first paragraph?

Bianca: Yeah, I know. Everybody always expects me to be like this huge brat.

Kendall: Yeah, yeah, me, too -- even though I am a brat, still.

Bianca: I wouldn't trade moms for the world, but it is sort of hard to figure out who you are when you've got this huge presence, this public role model that is Erica Kane. I mean, that's why I developed my eating issues in the first place.

Kendall: Yes, yes, but, Binks, you beat those issues, and I was finally beating all of mine -- finding myself and starting this company with Greenlee, not Mom. I mean, Greenlee and I poured everything that we had into Fusion. It's mine. It's me. I can't give any of it up.

Sean: Look, my mother smells blood in the water, and she's circling Uncle Jack.

Erica: That's not my business.

Sean: Come on, Aunt Erica, the guy needs you.

Erica: We're meeting at noon to negotiate the divorce.

Sean: Well, so tell him you changed your mind.

Erica: But then Uncle Jack would have to change his mind, too, Sean, and he hasn't. He's the one who made this appointment.

Sean: Ok, you loved my dad once. Look what she did to him. She treated my father like dirt.

Erica: Well, Jack knows who Barbara is.

Sean: No, she's playing him every minute. Ok, Lily -- Lily sees it -- she can't stand my mother.

Erica: Lily always was such a smart girl.

Sean: Yeah, we'll all make a nice, cozy family, won't we? Don't let that happen to us.

Erica: Sean, Jack's an adult. I mean, if he chooses Barbara --

Sean: Men don't choose my mother, ok? She does this perfect act, pretends like she'd do anything for you, but it's temporary. She makes you love her, and then she leaves you flat, because deep down it's all about her. I wish you and my dad had stayed together. At least he could've been happy.

Erica: I fell in love with Jack.

Sean: Exactly. Exactly my point. Look, whatever crud you and Uncle Jack are going through, you've made him happy -- I've seen it.

Colby: Oh! The gardeners unboarded all the tunnels, but there's no sign of Dad!

J.R.: Thank you, Marian. He's not in the gatehouse, either.

Babe: None of the staff has seen him -- Winifred sent them out to check the grounds -- and he's not with Little A.

Tad: I think you should all just relax while you've got the chance.

Krystal: Well, you know, maybe Tad's right. Adam probably just rushed off to some mega-important meeting that he just forgot all about.

Babe: Wow.

Colby: Dad! Oh!

Krystal: What the hell did you do to him, Tad?

Tad: I guess the fleet's back in town.

Adam: Whose side are you on, kid? You're kind of like a traitor without a cause, aren't you? Get out of my way.

Babe: Stop it, Adam.

J.R.: Wait a minute, what's --

Adam: What's the matter -- you afraid I'm going to kill your meal ticket?

Babe: I have my own money, thank you.

Tad: I'm afraid he's going to fall out of that beaver.

Krystal and Babe: It's a mink.

Jamie: Adam, you need to calm down.

Babe: What is --

Krystal: Ok, what-- whatever this is, Tad, you just have to stop it right now!

Attendant: How about a vacation, sir, someplace nice and quiet?

Adam: You're not going to get away with this, Tad.

J.R.: Wait-- wait -- who invited you guys?

Adam: Guess who. Who do you think?

Attendant: He was exposing himself.

Krystal: Oh --

Adam: Come on, they drugged me, they took my clothes, they dumped me in my boardroom stark-naked.

Colby: Dad, it's -- it's ok. It's -- you'll be ok, all right?

Adam: No -- yes, it is, ok. It's fine, because everybody in this room is in on this, and you are all trying to negate me, to punish me, to annihilate me! Well, you're not going to do it. It ain't going to work, because I'm smarter than any of you.

Tad: Well, that's not necessarily fair -- you got a lot of help -- you know, all the conversations with the little people -- the ones who live in the drawer.

Krystal: Oh, stop it! I'm not going to let you get away with this, Tad!

Erica: Sean, I can't pretend everything's all right just to save Jack from your mother.

Sean: No, but you love Uncle Jack, and he loves you.

Erica: It's not that simple.

Sean: No, it could be, it could be. Look, people get bent over the stupidest little things. You know, let it -- let it slide, or fix it later. But split up over nothing?

Erica: Our relationships are so complicated.

Sean: Oh, yeah -- not for my mother, they're not. She will plant her flag in Uncle Jack's back and run his life and him, until she gets bored, and that won't be long. And then she'll drag him through the same hell that she did my father. Ok, don't let her do it to him, or -- or Lily and me. Ok, my Uncle Jack wants you back. Please, I -- I want you back.

Erica: Oh, Sean -- oh, Sean, look, I wish things could be different, I really do, but -- but it's too late.

Sean: It's not.

Erica: Sean, whether I'm married to your Uncle Jack or we're divorced, you can always count on me.

Jack: Honey, there wasn't anybody back there.

Zach: Nothing out there, either.

Lily: But she was right out there in her shoes that measured 9. 9 inches from heel-imprint to toe --that's a size 8. And I was looking down on her from my window, so I can't estimate her height, but her weight is approximately 110-120 pounds.

Jack: How did you get that?

Lily: Well, her heels only sunk into the dirt about this much, and mine only stuck in about an eighth of that, so I used my weight as a comparative measure -- it's simple math.

Zach: Watson.

Lily: Oh -- and I know I'm not wearing 4-inch heels, but I stuck a piece of wood the same width as her heel under my shoe and put my weight on it.

Zach: So it wasn't Erica?

Jack: And Barbara hasn't gotten up yet.

Lily: It's a mystery.

Sean: Erica won't listen to me.

Kendall: What did you do now?

Sean: I'm trying to save our family. It's up to you now.

Kendall: Wait, hold on, wait a minute -- "our family"?

Sean: Yes, our family. She's meeting Uncle Jack in less than an hour to go through with this screwed-up divorce. Talk her out of it, or we're all in for global ugliness.

Bianca: So Mom is focusing on Fusion --

Kendall: Yeah, so that she doesn't have to think about her divorce.

Bianca: And her broken heart.

Erica: So, Kendall, you were about to explain yourself.

[Bianca and Kendall hug their mother]

Krystal: Listen -- listen to me. My husband is horribly upset -- and understandably so -- but he is not mentally unstable.

Tad: that's a matter of opinion.

Krystal: This is just a big misunderstanding. Now, I'm sorry, but you've wasted your time.

Adam: You thought I'd be grateful and let you off the hook, is that it?

Krystal: Oh, God. You know, you men and your practical jokes -- you just don't know when to stop, Tad. This has gone far enough!

Babe: Mama, do not defend him. What Adam did to you is no joke. He locked up a pregnant woman this close to her due date without even caring what happened to her or her baby. He's dangerous. I --

Adam: Only to a select few.

Colby: Dad, they don't know you're kidding.

Adam: I'm not kidding.

J.R.: Colby, we're going to get this straightened out, ok?

Attendant: You know, we could let the police clear this up.

Adam: No, no, no, no, it's really very simple. My wife and I are divorcing. And my wife and her lover orchestrated that naked escapade.

Krystal: I did not, Adam -- and he's not my lover.

Adam: They are after my fortune.

Babe: That is a damn lie. Mama loves you.

J.R.: It's not about money.

Adam: That baby she's carrying -- it's his. You see?

Colby: Listen, my dad loved and adored her, and she cheated. How would you guys feel? Yes, my dad is angry, but he hasn't lost his mind.

Attendant: Have you got anything else to say?

Krystal: This has gone far enough.

Colby: You know, this is crazy! It's a crazy plot -- they hate my father!

Krystal: Look, he's not stripping anymore, he -- he's got his clothes on, he's -- he's sane.

J.R.: You know, just take it easy, Mom. I mean, they might be able to help Dad.

Colby: Oh, my God, J.R.! You're selling Dad out?

Krystal: This is not a joke, J.R.

J.R.: Right, and your health and that baby's health is not a joke, either, and Dad needs to understand that!

Adam: Don't call me "Dad" again. You're disowned.

J.R.: I'm just trying to help you -- Dad.

Krystal: Tad -- Tad, don't do this. If Adam gets sent away or arrested, so help me, you are going to regret it!

Adam: Yeah, and his good friends Jamie and Aidan. They're you're stooges, eh, Martin? I tried to throw this man out of my house earlier, but I -- he wouldn't go, so I glued him into his room. I thought it was rather amusing at the time. He couldn't carry on his business, so he had to call in his two stooges.

Jamie: Adam, I have no idea what you're talking about.

Adam: They drugged me, stripped me naked, left me in my boardroom all alone. How many laws do you think you broke, my friend? How many?

Jamie: Hey, a little help here?

Colby: Stop it!

Jamie: He's delusional.

J.R.: All right, you need to stay out of this.

Colby: J.R., you turned against your own father!

Krystal: What are you doing?

Babe: Mama -- Mama, please!

Tad: He's nuts!

Adam: They deserve to be arrested, all of them.

Colby: Dad --

Adam: No, I'll destroy you!

Colby: Do you want me to call someone? I'll call them.

Jeff: I heard you suffered some kind of psychotic episode.

Krystal: Oh, great. Now, where would you have heard that, Jeff, huh?

Adam: What an incredible coincidence.

Babe: Mama, please try not to get too excited.

Krystal: Argh!.

J.R.: Ok, now, let's just wait and see what happens.

Tad: I mean, besides the socially deviant behavior?

Krystal: You did all this, Tad.

Tad: No, I didn't. I didn't knock myself out, I didn't tie myself up, and I sure as hell didn't glue myself in a guestroom. And I have a witness -- that would be you.

Bianca: Mom, focusing on Fusion won't make it hurt any less.

Kendall: We know about the divorce today. I -- I really think, Mom, that you and Jack should -- should take some time and think this through first.

Erica: So you've decided that I've lost all my business savvy, because my marriage is ending.

Bianca: Oh, no, that's not it at all.

Kendall: No, Mom, no, no. Trust me, you are dead-on about the P&Ls for foreign sales.

Bianca: Yeah.

Kendall: There's another reason why I want to run this company without you.

Erica: Do I want to hear this?

Bianca: Actually, it's a compliment.

Kendall: Yeah. Mom, you -- you are such a huge success, you've achieved so much, that everyone thinks I've had everything handed to me.

Erica: Oh, well, that's not true.

Bianca: Right, but they think it anyway.

Kendall: Yeah, I -- I needed to prove myself, and I still do. I want a company that I can call my own, a success that I can call my own. It's your damn fault for being so fabulous.

Bianca: Yeah, you and Grandma, you passed down your strong Kane woman legacy to us -- what do you expect?

Erica: What do I expect? Nothing but the best -- from you, Kendall, and from you, Bianca.

Jack: What's all this?

Barbara: "What's all this?" "The Herald, " coffee, and a spinach and Swiss quiche-lette. Don't worry, it's safe -- I got it from the Serving Spoon yesterday.

Jack: Yeah, well, I've never had a quiche-lette, so --

Barbara: Well, you've got to keep your strength up, Jack. No matter how kind and accommodating I know you can be, Erica's going to make this very difficult for you.

Sean: Hey, Mom, got a minute?

Barbara: Not right now, sweetheart.

Jack: Sure you do, because I'm going to take this and go out to the kitchen where I can get some work done before Livia gets here. Excuse me.

Barbara: Yes, because Erica's got something she's going to dish out for you, too, I'm sure.

Sean: Nice work.

Barbara: What, darling?

Sean: You win. I can't compete with you. Let's go home.

Barbara: Home?

Sean: Yeah, I've been a jerk, you -- you do care. You tracked me down, so let's just -- you know, what are we waiting for? Let's just go back to Seattle.

Barbara: In the middle of the school year, Sean?

Sean: Yeah. Pine Valley will transfer my records to my old school. I miss my friends there.

Barbara: But you've made new friends here.

Sean: Like, one.

Barbara: Won't you miss him?

Sean: Her. Look, I'll live, I'll live. I mean, what's the point in us sticking around here and complicating Uncle Jack's life?

Barbara: I think that you and Lily, the dynamic duo, are trying to get me away from Jack, right?

Lily: Thank you very much for moving that red table.

Zach: No problem -- I didn't really like it, either. Now, as far as your work station, we're going to make sure that there's not too much foot traffic. Won't have to deal with too many people, and I don't want anyone walking in wearing red.

Lily: Oh, that's a very good plan.

Zach: Ok. As far as your job goes, I think we're going to have to make it up as we go along. I want you to make appointments, go over charts and projections -- that kind of stuff -- and clue me in.

Lily: Well, have you thought of a new name for the company yet?

Zach: I'm still thinking about it.

Lily: Oh, well, I've prepared a list of possibilities if you want to see it.

Zach: Sure.

Lily: Well, I'm only up to names starting with the letter J -- going alphabetically. But all the employees seem very nice, and you could never judge by facial expressions that the company's named after a murderer.

Zach: Yeah. People look at me sometimes and I think all they see are the crimes of my father.

Lily: Why? That doesn't make any sense at all. You were entirely against them. You know, I can write a memo and let everyone know that.

Zach: I knew there was a reason why I hired you, but let's hold off on the memo. Let's get started on something else --

Lily: Wait!

Zach: What?

Lily: This carpet was vacuumed last night or this morning.

Zach: I hope so.

Lily: Tracks are there.

Zach: "Tracks"? What are -- um --

Lily: This is the heel, this is the ball of the foot -- same size shoe.

Zach: Ok.

Lily: Same color as the dirt in our flowerbeds. I think that woman is here.

Krystal: Wait a minute, you're not taking him on. You're not going to -- wait a minute, wait a minute.

Adam: You're not going to get away with this, Tad.

Krystal: He's not crazy. You got to understand --

Tad: You know something? I don't blame you for Krystal's lie. What did you think I was going to do, huh? You think you can knock me unconscious, truss me up like a Christmas turkey, stick me in one of your guest bedrooms, and I wasn't going to fight back?

Adam: Why don't you just take her back to your bed, in your house? Oh, I forgot -- you -- you got her pregnant, so it's going to be a while before you two can go --

Tad: Why don't you consider this a warning, because only you can stop the madness, and if you don't, it's going to get a lot worse.

Adam: Why don't you take your whore and get her out of my house? And take her daughter and her daughter's husband with her.

Colby: Any normal family.

Babe: Well, yeah.

Tad: You can take care of all this in 15 minutes, you know that? You just hop on that fancy corporate jet of yours, you take a nice long vacation, come back after she's given birth, then I won't have to worry about her.

Adam: This is my house, I'm not going anywhere, buddy. You go back in there and come clean, or I swear, you and Krystal are going to be very, very sorry.

Sean: You're embarrassing.

Barbara: Well, then don't look.

Sean: You don't feel stupid? Like, the least bit humiliated?

Barbara: For caring about Jack, about what happens to him?

Sean: Mom, he's not yours.

Barbara: He's nobody's. And, in fact, quite soon, his independence will be quite official.

Sean: Ok, Erica belongs with Uncle Jack, in this house, with this family. We were all really happy when Erica was here.

Barbara: You think Jack was happy when she stomped up and down on everything that he's ever held sacred? The woman has no scruples, Sean. She has no principles. Do you know that she blew this marriage, because she couldn't resist jumping into bed with Jeff Martin?

Jack: That's enough, Barbara.

Bianca: Now, about Uncle Jack --

Kendall: Mother, when you married him, we all took vows.

Bianca: He's our stepfather.

Kendall: We love you both.

Bianca: And you love each other. Can't you guys pick up the pieces, work through this?

Erica: Oh, Bianca. I really thought that -- that Paris and Maggie had taught you that sometimes love just isn't enough.

Bianca: But you and Uncle Jack are not me and Maggie.

Erica: People change. And sometimes those differences create chasms. And sometimes mistakes make those chasms so wide that -- that you can't bridge them anymore.

Kendall: True for mere mortals. But you can do anything, Mom. Bianca and I aren't little girls who want their mommy and daddy together no matter what. I saw the way you were looking at Jack at Miranda's party, and I saw the way he was looking at you. He couldn't take his eyes off of you.

Erica: You fall into habits after a while. Ignoring the irritating way he clears his throat in the morning, the off-key way he sings in the shower. And other things, you know, you just go through on automatic -- I mean, straightening his tie. And sometimes looking at each other in ways that outsiders could misconstrue as -- as special or -- or loving.

Kendall: Do you think Jeff Martin is your future?

Bianca: If he is, we're ok with that. I just -- before you toss out your relationship with Uncle Jack, I just want you to be absolutely sure. I mean, how many times have you guys fought?

Kendall: Lily can't even count that many times.

Bianca: And you've made up just as many.

Kendall: Mm-hmm.

Erica: Minus one.

Kendall: Don't you still love Jack?

Erica: I'll always love Jack.

Kendall: Ok, well, then do you hear yourself, Mom?

Erica: It's Jack who wants this. Jack is -- is determined to go through with the divorce. Look, everyone has their share of disappointments and failures. But look at the two of you -- my triumphs. I must've done something right.

Jack: Your mother is not the authority on my marriage.

Barbara: That came out a little stronger than I would've liked, Jack. Um -- but, you know, Sean -- he kept pushing, and, um, I suppose he just needed to hear the truth.

Sean: Is it true? Did Erica cheat on you?

Jack: Sean, you don't have to worry about --

Sean: No, no, is it true? I'm not a kid, Uncle Jack. I've seen and heard it all. Did Erica sleep around?

Jack: No, she did not sleep around. She did, however, sleep with Jeff Martin, yes.

Sean: Sure. Why not? You know what? It's your life, have fun.

Barbara: Oh, Sean --

Jack: Sean --

Barbara: I tried to sidestep it, Jack, I did. I -- I tried to leave, but he just wouldn't let me. Why did I say that, why did I break?

Jack: You know, when I was his age, I thought I knew everything, I thought I could handle anything. I hope he's not as wrong as I was.

Barbara: Jack, please, don't be angry. Please, I have had so much blame and negativity aimed at me. You know, Erica has convinced my son that I'm responsible for your marital problems, that you have turned against her because of me.

Jack: Barbara, that's absurd.

Barbara: No, that's Erica.

Jack: that's absurd.

Barbara: No, she -- it's -- -- he's blaming me, Jack!

Jack: Barbara, Sean is wise enough to know that if Erica and I have any kind of problem --

Barbara: Maybe it's just as well that he knows the truth -- maybe he could see through this wronged-innocent act. Maybe he can. You know, I have tried so hard to re-establish my relationship with my son, and she just drives a wedge right through it, Jack. The woman has no conscience at all, she has no conscience.

Jack: No, no -- Barbara, God, didn't you have somewhere that you were going?

Barbara: Yes, I do.

Jack: Good.

Barbara: I was going to go out. I'm certainly not going to stick around and witness the carnage. You know, I'm not a saint, Jack. But Erica -- ha-ha!

Krystal: It's not funny anymore, Tad. What, are you going to leave now?

Adam: You are making life-defining decisions, boys. You are signing up for lives of penury and want, and I'm going to bury you.

Krystal: Tad, you can stop this.

Tad: No, I can't. I'm not a judge or a doctor.

Krystal: Jeff -- Jeff, please.

Jeff: It's just for evaluation. Take him away, boys.

Adam: You're on my list, too, Martin -- all of you Martins.

Krystal: This is not right!

Colby: You know -- yeah, this is un-American! What happened to the due -- whatever -- process?

Adam: Yeah, conspiracy of Martins.

Krystal: Tad, you know, you have set something in motion that you are going to regret. Adam is never going to forget this, and I won't forget it, either. I hate you for this.

Tad: You go ahead and hate me -- just as long as you're safe.

Babe: Mama, please, come sit down, come on --

Colby: Dad --

Adam: Call -- call Barry Shire.

Colby: Ok, I'm on it.

Jamie: You know, Adam, this might actually do you some good.

Adam: You gloat now, kid, but keep in mind I'm going to destroy you someday.

Attendant: Come on. Come on, let's go.

Adam: Aah!

Zach: So much for your mystery.

Lily: A lack of evidence on this floor doesn't mean that the woman wasn't in this room.

Zach: You checked every woman's shoe outside.

Lily: But it doesn't mean she wasn't here! Not a lot of people have access to your office, right?

Zach: Right.

Lily: And none of your assistants were wearing the right size shoe or the right style to make that print. Does the woman that cleans your office vacuum in heels? And if so, would she be as careless as to wear them in dirt before cleaning?

Zach: I don't know.

Lily: You know, I -- I know this isn't on my list of assignments and duties, but I could solve mysteries such as this for you, and I wouldn't even bill you for overtime.

Zach: I think it'll work itself out. Let's -- you know --

Lily: Do you have a lot of mystery women coming in here?

Zach: No. Kendall really doesn't like mystery women that much.

Lily: Well, I'll -- I'll figure this out for you.

Woman: Hello.

Lily: What size shoe do you wear?

Woman: Uh -- 8. Why?

Lily: Is that a 4-inch heel?

Woman: Yes.

Lily: You were looking in the window outside my house.

Woman: You live at 32 Chestnut Lane?

Lily: You were standing in the perennial garden.

Woman: I'm sorry if I scared you.

Lily: Oh, no, you didn't scare me -- I solve mysteries.

Zach: Ok -- uh -- talk to Joanne, have her explain the phone system to you. And then hold all my calls, all right?

Lily: Don't believe anything she says -- write it down, and I'll fact-check it later.

Zach: So, who are you? And why are you following me?

Woman: You really don't know? Have I changed that much?

Jamie: That was a smart move siding against your dad. But after what you've done, you got a long way to go.

Tad: Things should die down for a while now. Don't worry, I only want him out of the house till after the baby is born.

Krystal: You ought to be ashamed, Tad.

Tad: Krystal, I got a lump on the back of my head the size of an egg that tells me I'm anything but ashamed. After she's arrived, if you want to crawl on your hands and knees back to him and beg for a second chance, that's your business. I just don't want him anywhere near my daughter.

Krystal: Agh! --

Babe: Mama, what is it? Is it the baby?

Krystal: Oh -- oh.

Adam: They'll regret this. I'll make Hannibal Lecter look like a Cub Scout.

Janet: Adam Chandler!

[Janet gasps]

Janet: What brings you to my neck of the woods?

Adam: Oh -- oh, my God.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Jack: It's not too late, you know.

Zach: Why are you here?

Hannah: You invited me.

Adam: No one does this to me.

Jamie: I just did.

J.R.: If I can help you get Adam back, I will.

Tad: There is no way I'm going to let my child grow up in this house.

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