AMC Transcript Wednesday 8/23/06

All My Children Transcript Wednesday 8/23/06


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Josh: You nervous?

Babe: Oh. You think? Huh.

Josh: You know, I never took you for a Zarf fan.

Babe: Are you kidding me? I am so into his stuff. I'm just -- I'm not convinced that he's going to let us use his music to endorse Fusionís new teen line.

Josh: Yeah, well, we are halfway there. I did convince my old buddy Hoover, but managers can only do so much.

Babe: No, you don't get it. This guy, he's -- he's hot. He's a major rebel. Why would somebody like Zarf jump at the chance to sell makeup, of all things?

Josh: You're not giving up. We can totally do this.

Babe: You're right. Of course, we can.

Zarf: Right. You have 30 seconds to make me fall in love with you, or you can both piss off.

Ryan: Wow.

Annie: Ah!

Ryan: Emma! You got to try the flying chipmunks or the -- something.

Annie: Oh, my God. Look at her. She is in heaven.

Ryan: She is. She is pretty darn cute, I'll tell you that.

Annie: Oh. You really did it. You bought out the entire carnival.

Ryan: I wish I could've secured it for more than an hour.

Annie: Oh, are you kidding me? At the rate she's going right now, she'll conk out way before that.

Ryan: Oh.

Annie: Thank you very much. This is -- this is very generous.

Ryan: Well, it's my pleasure, really. Nice to be able to do it, with all the stuff that I spend money on, you know?

Annie: Yeah. Ryan this feels pretty good. And I know how much it means to Emma to be here. Obviously, I know how much it means to you to not have a crowd around, where somebody could camouflage themselves, somebody that would be, you know, after Emma.

Annie: Yeah. Be careful! Oh, look at her. She's going to crawl up the whole thing.

[Annie laughs]

Ryan: Dennis, make sure she's all right!

Annie: Watch don't -- you can't crawl up that.

Ryan: Is she tall enough for that ride? That looks --

Annie: Oh.

[David watches the action from the sidelines.]

Jamie: How long are you going to make me wait to see you?

Julia: My shift is over at 11:00.

Jamie: Ok, that's unacceptable.

Julia: I'll tell your grandfather you said so.

Jamie: How am I supposed to wait that long? A guy can only pump so many reps.

Julia: Oh. Save some pumps for me.

Brooke: What do you want from my son?

Kendall: Hello, my sweet boy. My sweet, beautiful boy, yes. Oh, I see you. Yeah. You're so perfect and yummy. Oh. Oh, yeah. Oh, look at that. Oh. No? Damn you, Zach. I miss you.

[Walking into Dixieís room, Zach sees that J.R. is injured and checks his neck for a pulse. Just then, Tad walks in and assumes that Zach is J.R.ís attacker.]

Tad: J.R.? What did you do? What did you do to my son, you son of a bitch?

Zach: J.R.ís still alive. If you let go of me, I can get some help.

Dixie: What the hell is going on?

Tad: J.R.? God. J.R., can you hear me?

Dixie: J.R.?

Zach: I need an ambulance.

Dixie: Oh, my God.

Tad: J.R.?

Zach: Room 1223.

Dixie: Is he ok?

Tad: Does he look ok?

Zach: 1223.

Dixie: What happened?

Tad: I don't know. Ask your boyfriend.

Zach: I came in here looking for you, and I found him like this.

Tad: I thought you had your alibi thing down pat. I wouldn't try that with the police. It needs work.

Dixie: What is your problem? Zach wouldn't lie about something like this.

Tad: What is my problem? It's not bad enough you're going to sleep with him in the first place? Now you're going to try and defend him when he kills your son? How pathetic do you intend to get?

Kendall: How do you do it, Simone? What, do you -- you spy on me in the bushes?

Simone: Oh, gosh, no.

Kendall: Well, I mean, how do you always pick the perfect time to visit me?

Simone: I -- I don't know. I -- I do?

Kendall: Yeah, of course, you do.

Simone: Aw.

Kendall: Yeah, little Spikey and I, we were zeroing in on "15 bottles of beer on the wall."

Simone: Oh.

Kendall: That's how low we were.

Simone: Well, hi there, little hot thing. Yeah. Oh, my God. You get cuter every day, don't you? Yeah. I'm actually surprised that you're glad to see me. I half thought that maybe your mama would sling a pacifier at me or something. Or that you'd, I don't know, be depressed and not want to see anyone. I mean, after all the crud that you've been through, honey, I just -- Zach and Dixieís public lip lock. I mean, it must be eating you alive. I mean, just to think about them going at it like rabbits in heat, it's just --

Kendall: I -- I try not to think about it.

Simone: I don't blame you. You know what? Let's never bring it up again.

Kendall: Let's not.

Simone: Good.

Kendall: Yeah.

Simone: Good. Oh, ok, so I was walking past the pastry shop earlier --

Kendall: Mm-hmm.

Simone: And in the window I saw the most sinfully, decadent triple-chocolate layer cake with white-chocolate icing.

Kendall: Oh, no. Oh, no.

Simone: Yes, yum. And I kept saying to myself, "Keep walking, keep walking," but the cake kept screaming, "Eat me, eat me."

Kendall: Oh, no.

Simone: "Go ahead, I dare you, take a bite." So that's exactly what I decided to do.

Kendall: You did not!

Simone: With you.

Kendall: You're evil. This is -- yes, ok. I -- I need this. I have to do this. I'm sorry. Ok. Mm-hmm, mmm, mmm!

Simone: Yeah.

Kendall: This is what I need.

Simone: Good.

Kendall: You know, I have to say, as much as I love hanging out with Spike, he's a very introspective little guy.

Simone: Oh, really? Are you the strong, quiet type? You know, you need to learn to open up a little bit. You know, if you talked, you could help your mama forget all about your stepdada, the big, cold, lying cheater that he is, yeah.

Kendall: Ok, can we chill -- chill on the Zach talk, remember?

Simone: Oh, no, no, I totally remember. I mean, the last thing that I want to do is for us to focus on that two-faced, manipulative horn dog who -- my gosh. The fact that he left you there, fighting for your life in the hospital while he was going off to, like --

Kendall: Ok.

Simone: Just get a piece of Tadís wandering ex --

Kendall: Simone, Simone. Enough, please, ok? Now, I love that you stopped by, but if I have to hear the name "Zach" one more time --

[Knock on door]

Kendall: If I have to hear what he did and how he did it and who he did it with, I'm going to scream, and I'm going to throw up everywhere. I can't hear it anymore, please.

Derek: I need to talk to you about your husband, Kendall, where he really was the night Greg Madden disappeared.

Joe: Oh. How's it going with Josh?

Jeff: They arenít.

Joe: I mean, you've made no headway? Won't he even come back to work with us?

Jeff: No, he's not interested.

Joe: Well, perhaps if you made some arrangements --

Jeff: Dad, it's over. I'm not going to push the medical career anymore.

Joe: He is a damn fine doctor.

Jeff: Listen, I know that. And I want him back here as much as you. But I'll settle for him still alive and still here in Pine Valley.

Joe: Maybe if I talk to him.

Jeff: No, Dad --

Joe: The --

Jeff: The best thing we can do for Josh right now is to give him space. Besides, I think I -- I think I may have someone in our corner who'll keep a close eye on him.

Babe: Josh and I, we were just talking about how cool your style is. Your look, it's so far ahead of the curve it's --

Zarf: It's retro?

Josh: Well, retro is where it's at. If you look at the papers I gave you, you'll see Fusionís key demographics are 16- to 25-year-old women, and they love to revive old fashions.

Babe: Which is totally true. And the whole early-glam look is making a major comeback -- New York Dolls, Ziggy Stardust, Hanoi Rocks.

Zarf: Thank you, good-bye.

Babe: Why? We just --

Zarf: Well, you've already had 30 seconds, and now I'm not only bored but highly annoyed.

Babe: Mike Patton is not God. Look, I know that he's one of your musical idols, and he's talented, no question, but God? Don't you think that diminishes the contributions of the other members of his bands -- Faith No More, Mr. Bungle. I don't know, maybe even Tomahawk.

Zarf: You've been reading my blog.

Babe: Obviously.

Zarf: But you have to be a long-established fan to access that site.

Babe: Well, I've been into your stuff since "Destination: Hell."

Zarf: Not many care about Mike Patton anymore.

Babe: I do. My mama took me to see Faith No More open for Guns n' Roses.

Zarf: Get out.

Babe: No, it's a true story. We snuck through one of the backstage tunnels, and we watched the entire show from the pit.

Zarf: Right. First things first.

Babe: Oh, no, no. Shooters?

Zarf: Lemon-lime is vodka, black cherry is rum, and blue raspberry is tequila. Off you go. Down the hatch.

Babe: Ahem.

[Babe and Josh help themselves to the shooters that Zarf professes.]

Josh: What's this for?

Zach: So you can write down the nameplace, and date of your birth. How else can I map out your astrological charts?

Josh: Of course.

Babe: Hmm. Yeah.

Zarf: Come on. You're falling behind.

Julia: It -- it's not that I want anything from Jamie. Brooke, I -- I just enjoy his company.

Brooke: Yes, well, I gathered that when I walked in on the two of you the other afternoon.

Julia: Well, I'm sure that I don't have to tell you what a wonderful, smart, talented, and incredibly handsome son you have. He's the full package. But he's also a grown man who is capable of making his own decisions.

Brooke: Yes, that's true. It doesn't necessarily mean they're the right decisions.

Julia: We're two single, level-headed, consenting adults. I mean, nobody's getting hurt. We're not cheating on spouses or breaking hearts.

Brooke: Well, I understand that Jamie left his job here at the hospital because of you, so you don't think that breaks his grandfather's heart?

Julia: Jamie quit because of his grandfather. He was very upset at the way that Joe handled Josh Madden. It was Jamieís decision to leave his job here, not mine.

Brooke: Julia, Jamie starts med school in the fall. He is still in school.

Julia: And I think that it's great that he's going into medicine. Why wouldn't I?

Brooke: Well, do you plan to tutor him?

Julia: If he asks me and if I can.

Brooke: You're seducing my son, and I think it should stop.

[Carnival music plays]

Annie: All right, let's see it.

Ryan: Let's loosen up here a little bit --

Annie: Let's see it.

Ryan: Because I just don't want -- I don't want to hurt anybody with my --

[Annie chuckles]

Annie: Oh!

Ryan: Oh!

Annie: Nice!

[Annie laughs as David continues to spy on them.]

Ryan: Oh, it's about time! Here you go. That's not bad -- this one's for you.

Annie: Ah, say "Thank you."

Ryan: It's all yours.

Emma: Thank you.

Annie: Say -- oh, say "Thank you.

Ryan: You're welcome.

Annie: I mean, Ryan nearly threw his arm out winning you that, didn't he?

Ryan: What? That is so not nice. That hurt -- no.

Annie: Sorry.

Ryan: I was practicing for, you know, when I bring my son here because --

Annie: Yes.

Ryan: Missing a few times in front of the forgiving ladies is one thing, but when my boy's here, I got to be like Roger Clemens.

Annie: Whole 'nother story.

Ryan: You know how it is? You want this tiger or --

David: What the hell do you think you're doing? How many times do I have to say the same thing to you? I'm a doctor, ok? Now, get your hands off me!

Guard: Look what I found lurking.

Ryan: You got to be kidding me.

Guard: You said you wanted me to catch anybody loitering, sir.

Ryan: Uh -- did you rough him up like this?

Guard: Oh, no, sir. He came that way.

David: All right, enough with the games, Lavery. Tell him you know who I am.

Annie: I know you. You were at the park talking to my daughter. Why are you following us?

Ryan: Wow. That's a -- that's a really, really good question, and, Hayward, for your sake, you better have a really, really good answer.

Simone: You know, we can save the sugar rush later. I'm going to leave you two to talk.

Kendall: No, no, no, no, no! Simone, don't go, please. Why don't you have a little entertainment with your cake? My life's already a public spectacle. I'm sure what Derek has to say could be riveting.

Derek: I'm very sorry you got caught in the middle of this mess, Kendall, and I don't want to add to your trouble, but I'm still conducting a murder investigation, and I have some crucial questions that need answers.

Kendall: You're really making me do this? My life is falling to pieces, and you want me to talk about it again for your stupid investigation?

Derek: A man died, Kendall.

Kendall: Ok, fine! Then -- then go figure out Zachís alibi. Livia said there's some witness, so why don't you go ask him your questions?

Derek: I'm not sure that witness is legit. There are still some parts of your husband's story that just don't make sense.

Josh: Let's hear what you got. I'll let you know if it sounds like Babe.

[Babe chuckles]

Zarf: Ahem. Generous, loyal to a fault --

Babe: Hmm.

Zarf: No pushover. Anyone gives you grief, you take them down in a blink.

Babe: Oh!

[Babe giggles]

Zarf: Sexy, funny, knows how and when to forgive. Best mate a person could ask for.

Josh: So far, it's pretty dead-on.

Babe: All right. So it does kind of sound like me.

Zarf: You know who else it sounds like?

Babe: Hmm?

Zarf: The first girl that I ever --

Josh: Now, watch it there.

Zarf: Dated.

Babe: Is that bad?

Zarf: Bad? I'm crazy about her. Look how our charts line up. We should be making love right now.

Babe: Really? Hmm, I'll have to run that by my husband.

Zach: You two are married?

Babe: Hmm.

Josh: Not that lucky.

Zarf: My condolences. You're not keeping up. All right. Let's see what Tom Cruise has to look forward to. Whoa. You have no idea who you are, do you?

Joe: Babe Chandler is the friend you're counting on to look after Josh?

Jeff: She cares about him, and he's nuts about her.

[Joe sighs]

Joe: Well, it wasn't so long ago that Jamie was nuts about her, and we nearly lost him altogether. Believe me, you put your faith in Babe, you may never have your son back in your life again.

Jeff: Look, I -- I can't worry about that right now. All that's important is that there's someone there to help ground Josh, and to let him know that he's not alone. Could you imagine how confused he is right now? I mean, if -- if I don't have someone on a Saturday morning to tee off with me or send me a Father's Day card, I'm fine with that, as long as my son has a reason to smile again, and if that reason is Babe, fantastic.

Joe: You just don't realize what Babe is capable of.

Jeff: Dad, I want you to drop this. Don't pressure Josh into working here and into ditching Babe and asking him to be part of our life. Huh? None of it. You promise?

Brooke: Are you trying to tell me that you didn't seduce my son?

Julia: Maybe he seduced me, or maybe it was just a mutual attraction and there was no seducing.

Brooke: Julia, you've lived a lot more life than Jamie has. You've been married and widowed, and you spent nine years on the run, and there were crucial years of your life that I'm sure you would love to get back, and you should, but not with my son.


Julia: You talk about him as if he was a child. He is a grown man, and I'm not forcing him into anything, Brooke. I --

Dixie: Joe?

Joe: Yes?

Dixie: Joe, it's J.R.!

EMT: We got a head injury, looks like he was hit with a blunt object.

Joe: All right. Get him in a cubicle.

EMT: He's got a lac on the top of his head, and when we found him, he was unconscious. He's responsive to painful stimuli, his pupils are equal and active.

Jeff: Vitals?

EMT: 118/60 for BP, pulse is 60. He's got good bilateral breath sounds, his SATs are good. We did get a KVO of ringers going and cleaned up his head wounds.

Joe: All right. Let's order a head series and a C-spine lateral.

Julia: Got it.

Brooke: What happened to him?

Tad: Zach happened to him.

Dixie: Would you shut up? We don't know what happened, ok? We won't know what happened until J.R. wakes up!

Tad: You ever meet a mother that would deny her own son to protect her lover? Take a good look.

Zach: Your son, Dixieís son, that's in there unconscious -- you think this is helping him?

Tad: Someone has to.

Dixie: What the hell has gotten into you?

Tad: Who's gotten into you?

Brooke: Tad, come on over here, all right? Forget about Zach and Dixie and just concentrate on making sure that J.R. is all right.

Jamie: I mean, time couldn't be creeping by any slower for me. How about you?

Julia: Jamie, you need to come back to the ER right away. It's your brother. He was just brought in unconscious.

Jamie: I'm on my way.

Babe: Oh --

Zarf: Oh --

Babe: Oh --

[Babe laughs]

Zarf: Ah-ha-ha!

Babe: This cannot be good. I haven't eaten much today. You are killing me.

Zarf: It's better if you don't eat. Food ruins the buzz.

Babe: Ohh.

Josh: This has been a blast, Z.

Zarf: Agreed.

[Babe coughs]

Zarf: Too bad we can't work together.

Babe and Josh: What?

Zarf: You saw Josh's chart -- massive identity crisis. Until Pluto finishes its thing, you're lousy to do business with.

Josh: Well, in that case, I'll -- I'll just go back to the office. You and Babe can hammer out the details, and that way everyone's happy.

Zarf: He's got a point. Soul mates, yeah?

Babe: Yeah, well -- we may be soul mates, but Josh and I here -- business partners. And you -- you saw my chart. Me, fiercely loyal for a reason, Z, so if you don't do this with me and Josh, you don't do it at all.

Zarf: All right, but only because you're a very smart girl, and you know your music.

[Babe chuckles]

Zarf: All right. What are we selling again?

Babe: Ooh, ooh. Cosmetics, kick-ass cosmetics.

[Babe giggles]

David: I was on my way to the hospital. I had my emergency scanner on. I heard a report requesting an ambulance here at the carnival -- someone was having a heart attack. Because I was two blocks away, I rushed over here. I thought I could help. Next thing I know, this goon is grabbing me by my collar and dragging me in front of you.

Ryan: Did you hear anything about a 911 call?

Guard: First I've heard of it.

Ryan: Huh. And where did you say that you saw him earlier?

Annie: In the park. He had Emmaís ball.

David: Well, that's because your daughter drop-kicked it into my coffee. I mean, what's with all this security, anyway? Is your daughter royalty or something?

Annie: Should I be buying any of this?

[Ryan sighs]

Ryan: Believe me, Hayward here can't be trusted in most situations, but as much as I dislike him, I can't imagine why he would be a threat to you or Emma.

David: Hmm. Thank you so much for that glowing report, Ryan. Maybe I can return the favor. You're worried about me? Do you have any idea what kind of a dangerous man you've got yourself mixed up with here?

Kendall: I still don't get why you're asking me. I can't shed any light on the disgusting details of Zach and Dixieís little hookup.

Derek: If there was a hookup.

Kendall: What, do you think they made it up? It destroyed my life, they put me and my son through living hell.

Simone: You know, I know you're trying to solve a murder mystery, Chief Frye, but don't you think that Kendallís been through enough?

Derek: Yes, she has. I saw your husband with you when you were in that coma. It wasn't easy to pull Zach away from your bedside the day Madden disappeared. Now, it's hard to believe in the midst of all that, he ran off for some casual sex with Dixie Martin.

Kendall: I find it pretty repulsive myself. But my marriage broke up because of it, so I'm thinking it must've happened.

Derek: Well, think about what I said. If you come up with a valid explanation for your husband's behavior, give me a call.

Kendall: You're dropping the charges against Zach, aren't you?

Zach: What'd you ever see in that guy?

Dixie: I guess it was a long time ago.

Brooke: Tad.

Tad: You are unbelievable. Your son is in there, unconscious, fighting brain damage or maybe even worse, and you're out here clinging to that bastard's side!

Zach: Here we go.

Dixie: Whoa, whoa, wait a second --

Adam: Where is he?

Dixie: Come on!

Adam: Where's J.R.?

Krystal: Is Babe here? I couldn't reach her on my cell. Has anybody called her?

Tad: I don't know anything about Babe. You got any questions about J.R., ask him. I found him standing over J.R.ís lifeless body.

Brooke: Oh.

Adam: You did this?

Jamie: Oh, you no-good piece --

Dixie: Stop it, both of you, ok? Zach didn't do anything.

Tad: That's right. Go on defending him.

Zach: I can defend myself just fine.

Jamie: I'd love to see you try.

Joe: All right, quiet. Stop it, all of you! I'll have every one of you thrown out if I have to.

Dixie: What's going on, Joe? How -- how is he? How's my son?

Joe: All right. J.R.ís got a rather serious concussion, so I've ordered a CAT scan for further evaluation.

Jeff: His vitals are fine, and the X-rays look normal.

Joe: But until we get the test results back, or until J.R. wakes up and gives us some idea of what happened to him, we can't do a real assessment.

Jeff: We'll keep you posted.

Joe: Yeah.

Tad: For Godís sake, why don't you throw us a bone here, huh? Just tell him, how many times did you hit him? What did you use to stave in the back of his skull?

Dixie: Tad, if you've got a problem, and you want to lash out at me, do it at me, ok? Just leave Zach out of it.

Adam: Slater, what did you do to my son?

Tad: No. No, no, no, no, wait. Spare me, because if I have to listen to you two make up one more story, I'm going to throw up.

Dixie: What is wrong with you? We used to be family. We share children, for Godís sake. If you want to talk, talk to me.

[Tad and Dixie take their discussion to an empty room.]

Tad: I'm sick and tired of your lies.

Dixie: I didn't lie.

Tad: Oh, give me a break! First you tell me you're not sleeping with Zach, there's nothing going on between the two of you, it's just platonic. And then I turn around and there's a picture of you on TV kissing him. And now to make matters worse, you're using your affair as an alibi? Do not try telling me that I'm off on the wrong track!

Dixie: Ok. I have been seeing Zach, all right? But is that really reason enough for you to go after me like this? I mean, I don't understand. My entire life for years has been about nothing but looking for Kate, and any small break that I take with a man or anything is never going to be enough to fill up the hole, to -- to numb the pain that I feel not having her in my life. You really want to punish me so much? Do you want me not to have any happiness? Is that what you want?

Tad: I want you to step back and examine all of the lives that you're destroying. Heís a married man. You're demeaning yourself by going after somebody like him. That's not you. It's -- it's cheap. You were never cheap.

Dixie: It's not cheap. It's not a fling.

Tad: You're in love with him. You, in love with Zach Slater.

Dixie: Well, I'm sorry, Tad. I don't see a whole lot to love about you these days. I really don't understand. When -- when did everything change? When did you get so angry? When did you start hating me so much? I thought that we had come to some peace. I thought that you understood about what happened with Kate. I thought you said you finally comprehended everything that I've been through these last few years.

Tad: That was before you killed our only hope of finding our daughter.

Dixie: I didn't kill anybody!

Tad: Whose idea was it to bury him alive? Zach's? Oh. Did you even try to talk him out of it? Or are you so besotted with his sexual prowess you'd throw him a shovel in the blink of an eye?

Dixie: Will you stop it?

Tad: How could you do it? How could bury a human being alive? The Dixie I knew and loved could never do something so vicious.

Dixie: You have to stop that. Ok -- the Dixie you knew? I'm the same person, Tad. I'm right here, ok? I'm not perfect. I never claimed to be. I just want the same things that everybody else has -- I want a little love and a little companionship. I want a little happiness in my life, I want my son to be ok, I want my daughter to be here with me. I'm not the saint that you remember! I -- and I don't think I ever was. I've been through too much, Tad. I've seen too much. I've lost too much.

Tad: And that justifies homicide? You killed a man. The road map to Kate has been wiped out. Now, maybe you're not the Dixie I knew, but I just don't understand how you can sleep at night knowing that you destroyed our only hope of getting back our baby girl. Is that man actually so good in bed he can make you forget all about --

Dixie: Oh, for Godís sake.

Tad: What a mess you're turning into?

Dixie: You're evil, that's --

Tad: No, Dixie, you're evil. Evil.

Dixie: Oh.

Tad: And it's taking everything I have to keep from punishing you the worst way I know how.

[After Tad walks out, Dixie turns to Zach for comfort.]

Jamie: J.R.? J.R.? Open your eyes. Tell me who did this to you.

J.R.: Picture.

Jamie: "Picture"? Picture of what?

J.R.: Picture. Kate. Hayward.

David: It still blows my mind to see Ryan with kids. It wasn't too long ago that he didn't want anything to do with them. He even went so far as to fake his own death to avoid being a father.

Ryan: Shut up, Hayward. Shut up.

David: So who's she a stand-in for, Ryan? Kendall or Greenlee? Once I know, I'll be able to tell you how to respond when he suddenly goes ballistic on you. Believe me, he will.

Ryan: Are you through?

David: No, I'm just getting started. This pretty lady deserves to know what kind of a violent man she's with -- so cruel, so heartless he even chased away his own wife, the supposed love of his life. Well, they're all the loves of his life until he nearly destroys them.

Ryan: I said shut up.

Babe: So, what do you think?

Zarf: I think I look amazing.

Babe: Ok. Then what do you think about the eyeliner?

Zarf: If we can work out the specifics, you've got yourself a deal. "Flash in the Pan" will go in your commercial. I might even pose for an ad or two.

Josh: Thank you, Z. This is --

Babe: Ooh.

Josh: This campaign is going to be huge.

Zarf: Which is why I want a taste. Good bit of gross-adjusted definition, sliding scale based on sales and usage. Oh, and free samples for life.

Josh: It's --

Babe: Ok. Ok.

Josh: It's all good. We'll work it out with your reps.

Zarf: Oh, the lawyers can't be trusted. I'll write up my own proposal and get it to you next week. Right now, I have a show to get ready for.

Babe and Josh: What?

Babe: A show? What -- I don't -- how? I'm -- I am sloshed. I could never --

Zarf: You don't know very many musicians, do you? Come on. Let me hear you say it.

Babe: Hmm, hmm. Um -- [English accent] Mike Patton is God -- God!

Zarf: Soul mates, this one and me. Right. Suite's yours for the rest of the evening. Make yourselves at home.

Babe: [Normal voice] Oh, we did it! Oh, my God!

Josh: No, you did it.

Babe: No, you did it.

Josh: You were amazing!

Babe: You exist beyond -- you did -- oh, my God. Oh -- oh, I am wasted.

Josh: Ok --

Babe: No.

Josh: Well, then, in that case, we should get -- we should get you back home.

Babe: No. No, no, no, no, no, not home, no, no. J.R. cannot see me like this.

Josh: Whoa, wait a sec.

Babe: Oh.

Josh: You trust me to take care of you?

Babe: Oh. I guess it'll -- I guess I'll have to, huh? Oh!

Derek: I can't comment on whether the charges will be dropped against Zach or Dixie. This is an ongoing investigation, and I still have a lot of questions that have unsatisfying answers. Good night, ladies.

Simone: Oh, wow. I mean, is it just me or do you get the feeling that he thinks Zach still killed Madden?

Kendall: I don't know.

Simone: That is absolutely sick. I mean, if you think about it, Zach boffing Dixie and burying that slimeball? Oh, my God.

Kendall: Listen --

Simone: That's just gross!

Kendall: Simone, Simone? Um -- I think you should go. I -- I really -- I would just -- I want to be alone right now.

Simone: Oh, I did it again, didn't I? I said I wasn't going to talk about Zach, I promised, and then I did it. I'm so sorry.

Kendall: No, no, no, no, no. That's -- that's not it. I just -- I don't want company right now.

Simone: Oh.

Kendall: Ok, so I think maybe you should go.

Simone: Ok.

Kendall: Ok? Yeah.

Simone: All right.

Kendall: Thanks for the cake.

Simone: Of course. No hard feelings.

Kendall: Ok, all right.

Simone: Bye.

Kendall: Thanks. Ahem.

Krystal: Oh, Babe, where the heck are you? Listen, um -- there's been an accident. Little Adam is fine. It's -- it's J.R. Just give me a call the minute you get this call.

Jamie: J.R.ís waking up. He's coming out of it.

Adam: Thank God.

Julia: Great news about your brother.

Jamie: I need you to do me a favor.

Zach: You all right?

Dixie: Oh.

Tad: How the hell did it get to this? It's all falling apart. I can't do anything about it. I -- I can't hold it together.

David: Well, looky here. We might not have to wait to see Ryanís violent streak, after all. We might all have a front-row seat to the event right here, right now.

Ryan: Keep it up, Hayward.

[Pager beeps]

David: Ah, darn it. Looks like I'm going to have to miss this fight. I got a real emergency at the hospital. You might want to stand behind Bluto over there just to be safe. So long, kids.

Ryan: She all right?

Annie: Yeah.

Ryan: Yeah? Kind of put a damper on the fun.

Annie: Yeah, I guess it would take more than three pitches to knock the chip off that guy's shoulder.

Ryan: You wondering about how much he said is true?

Annie: Not really. I'm living in hiding, practically sweating secrets. You think I have any business questioning other people's pasts? Hmm. Hmm?

Ryan: Hey, what you say, guys -- do you want hit that flying chipmunk ride --

Annie: Oh, yes.

Ryan: One more time?

Annie: You want to?

Ryan: You think you're up for it, little sleepy girl?

Annie: Oh, sleepy.

Ryan: One more time, come on.

Annie: One more time.

[Annie laughs]

Babe: Wait. Hold on, I think I have a voicemail. Hold on.

Josh: Your voicemail can wait, Babe.

Babe: No, no, no, no, no. I need to check it, just -- no, really. Ok, ok.

Josh: Ok, come on. Yeah.

Babe: Ok, wait, wait, I need a coffee.

Josh: No, you need more than that.

[Josh picks Babe up and places her in the shower.]

Babe: What are you doing? Josh -- ah!

Josh: There, that should do the trick. Ha!

Babe: Not really!

Josh: You're soaked!

Babe: Now I'm drunk and wet!

Josh: That's not funny.

Babe: You're wet!

Josh: You're wet!

Brooke: Tad, what is it? You're scaring me.

Tad: I can't even say it. I don't care what she's done. I won't -- I won't tell. I'm not going to -- nobody's going to get it out of me.

Zach: What'd he say to you?

Dixie: It wasn't what he said. It was a look in his eyes. He's going to do something. I don't know what, but it's going to be terrible.

Babe: Looks like I won't have to worry about going over my minutes this month. Ok, that was fun, but I'm still drunk.

[Throwing aside her ruined cell phone, Babe removes her top and falls into Joshís arms.]

Josh: Whoa.

Babe: Oh!

Ryan: I'm sorry it's so late. I just wanted to say good night to my little boy --

Kendall: Ryan?

[Kendall throws herself at Ryan and kisses him hungrily.]

David: Hey. I got your page. Who's the patient?

Jamie: You are -- for almost killing J.R.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

David (to Annie): Your daughter reminds me of a little girl that was lost.

Kendall: Ryan, I need you tonight. Come to bed with me.

[Caressing Babe in the shower, Josh turns off the water as they stare at each other.]

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