All My Children Transcript Wednesday 8/16/06
Provided By Boo
Proofread by Gisele
Erin: Jamal? Hello. Ok, how's this for tonight's ConFusion policy -- a cool oasis of smiling faces.
Jamal: I'm down with that.
Jamal: But I don't think somebody's got the memo.
Singer: The sky's full of blue
Erin: Aw. Our tasting plate is a work of art, isn't it? But you can actually taste it, as well.
J.R.: "Still life with spring rolls." Be honest, Erin. Any chance you're buying this as camouflage?
Erin: That depends on what you're trying to hide.
J.R.: I'm stalking my wife.
Babe: I recognize that look -- young doctor fresh off a 60-hour shift, so zonked he can't even see straight. It's very "Grey’s Anatomy." But that whole puffy-eyed, dark-circle thing may be hot in the hospital, but in the glamour business, major not.
Babe: That is why we work the cush 18-hour days. Hello? You know, you're doing a really great job. So what are you still doing here? Just high-five yourself and get home.
Josh: "Home." Love the concept, Babe. I can see it already -- looks like a big black hole.
[Baring their well-developed chests, Aidan and Jamie play an intense game of basketball in the park.]
Aidan: Come on. Whoo! Nice work. Your game. Beers are on me.
Jamie: You don't really think that I called you out here to wipe the floor with you just for a couple of lousy beers?
Aidan: Oh, I see -- the old b-ball bait-and-switch, huh? Sucker me into a friendly game of basketball, and then get all serious on me. So what were we playing for there, my mansion or my Maserati? What do you want?
Jamie: I want to know why you're not all over the Greg Madden case. Why are you not working overtime to prove Dixie’s innocence?
Aidan: Because somebody asked me to back off.
Jamie: My dad.
Tad: You always did have good instincts. No doubt you got them from me.
[While Kendall raves and cuts up Zach’s clothing, the locksmith works to replace the lock on the front door.]
Kendall: So he thinks I'm going to do nothing? I'm just -- I'm just going to sit here like a lump and -- a pathetic lump and do nothing while he's off lying and cheating behind my back? No, that is not going to happen. I am not going to let that happen. Stupid, scum-sucking, nonexistent, soon-to-be ex-husband. You know what? You know what? This is what I'm going to do to his face.
Rachael: Mrs. Slater --
Kendall: Don't call me by that name.
Rachael: Those clothes are really expensive clothes. I'd be happy to take them to any charity.
Kendall: I will write a check, ok? This clothing is going to suffer a brutal, agonizing death, just like Zach is going to. I'm going to get rid of every last piece of Zach. You know what? This is what I'm going to do to his heart. His heart. His stupid, nonexistent heart.
Ryan: Ok, what I want --
Kendall: This is what I'm going to do to his soul.
Ryan: Ok, ok -- all right, all right --
Kendall: And this is what I'm going to do --
Ryan: Will you take my sweet boy over to my place across the courtyard there? Thank you very much. All right, Kendall, that's enough.
Kendall: No --
Kendall: Enough? No, it'll never be enough -- it'll never be enough when it comes to -- when it comes to getting rid of Zach.
Kendall: You don't live here anymore. I mean it, Zach. You take one more step, and you will never live anywhere ever again.
Zach: I want to talk to you.
Kendall: You want? Ok, you want. You lie to me, humiliate me, trash our marriage by banging Dixie, the wonder slut. And then you have the nerve to walk into my home with my child a few steps away and tell me what you want? You make me sick. You make me sick! Our marriage? Our marriage? Our vows?
Zach: Can I explain, please?
Kendall: No, I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear anything. I know exactly what went down between you and that skank. Don't you dare deny to me that you slept with her.
Zach: No, I slept with Dixie. And now I want you back.
Kendall: Are you kidding me? What's wrong with you? Have you lost your mind?
Ryan: Stop -- stop -- stop.
Kendall: Ryan --
Jamie: This is about Zach Slater. He pushed you over the edge.
Tad: He's been known to bring out my ugly side.
Jamie: No, this side of you. Well, I don't know it, and I don't want to know it. You've been mad at Dixie since the first day she came back, but you find out Zach’s her new guy -- last straw. And that's why I'm dealing with Aidan on the Madden case instead of you. What the hell happened to you? When did you become so bitter that you would let Dixie fry for hooking up with Zach?
Kendall: You're on his side? Why -- you defending him?
Ryan: I am not defending him. I'm on your side, all right, yours and Spike's. I need you to sit down.
Kendall: Come on.
Ryan: Just sit down. You get yourself all worked up, you're all red in the face. Do you realize you just got over a serious brain injury that almost killed you and a C-section here, all right? You're going to end up back in the ER if you keep going like this. You want him gone? You talk to me, I'll make sure he's gone.
Zach: I'm not going anywhere until I talk to my wife alone.
Kendall: You know, there is one thing you can do that would make me feel so much better.
Ryan: Name it.
Kendall: You could break Zach’s kneecaps.
Tad: If I had an ounce of affection left for your stepmother, choosing to start an affair with a man like Slater would destroy it.
Jamie: So? Be angry at Dixie, lose all respect for her, but don't tell me you don't care if she goes down for murder. You and Tad are business partners. Did ask you to team up on this revenge fest with Dixie?
Aidan: I am not out to get Dixie.
Jamie: Oh. Then tell me how someone who hasn't done jack to you rates 25-to-life.
Tad: Jamie, even if Dixie did mean nothing to me, you mean everything. You know me well enough to realize I would never, ever help the police to harm somebody that you love.
Jamie: But you won't help Dixie, either. So, what, you do nothing? You're neutral? Dixie swings by default? Is that what you're telling me?
Tad: I'm telling you the same thing I told Kendall when she tried to hire Aidan to look into the case -- drop it. If I learned anything the hard way with Dixie, it's if you look into her past, you'll get hurt.
Jamie: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Kendall: You know, Ryan, if you don't do it -- if you don't do it, I will!
Ryan: Hey, hey, hey -- whoa!
Kendall: I will do it.
Ryan: Whoa. We can solve this without breaking anybody's kneecaps, Kendall.
Kendall: Ryan, Ryan -- you know, Ryan, pal of mine, father of my child, man who promised he would do anything for me? I find it really deeply disturbing that you will not do me this one simple favor.
Ryan: This isn't the answer, Kendall, and you know it.
Zach: Can I talk to you?
Ryan: You know what? This doesn't seem like a very good time for you two to be talking, so why don't you just leave?
Kendall: I know -- we can just let the hammer do the talking.
Annie: Oh, thank you, Rachael. This one's Emma’s favorite. I'm so glad you --
Ryan: Kendall, stop it.
Annie: Found it.
Rachael: The Slaters are having the fight of the century.
Rachael: Maybe the millenium.
Annie: Uh -- is -- is everybody ok --
Annie: In there?
Locksmith: Well, so far, there's no fatalities, but it's definitely Armageddon.
Kendall: Well, this one won't miss.
Ryan: Kendall, stop!
Zach: I would like to talk to my wife alone.
Kendall: Ok, fine -- on one condition. Ryan takes note of my irrational state and promises to testify that I'm innocent of any potential murder that might take place -- temporary insanity.
J.R.: I'm not insane, I'm not drunk, I'm not out of control in any way.
Erin: You're not hungry, either, apparently. So how does the whole wife-stalking thing work, then?
J.R.: I sample the food on the menu and give Babe my feedback, especially if poor lonely Josh lures her here on a business dinner. Now, I am this close to swinging into Fusion on a vine, charging Josh, and beating that smug look off his face while I pound my chest.
Erin: Well, that whole King Kong act might not go over too well with Babe.
J.R.: Well, if I thought it would, I wouldn't be sitting here staring at finger food. It's the best thing I could come up with. Ok, I know that it's lame, but I had to do something.
Singers: Got the love, baby you got the love
J.R.: Maybe you can do something.
Singers: You got the love
Erin: Oh, I'm not pounding my chest.
J.R.: Play along, make this appetizer act a little more believable. Come on, Erin. Grab yourself a spring roll.
Singers: You got the love you got the love, baby
Babe: What do you see?
Josh: I already told you -- a big black hole.
Babe: Looks pretty bright and fresh to me. The blank page -- probably one of the scariest things ever, right? You know, when I first started working on the teen campaign, I had all this mega-pressure to come up with this vision and all these great ideas, and all I had was this notebook -- blank -- staring back at me, and it was more terrifying than the Fusion girls with their claws out.
Babe: But as freaky as wide-openness can be, it can also be exciting.
Josh: Note to self -- "blank paper turns Babe on." Thanks for the tip.
Babe: Yeah. Really, think of all the people who are stuck out there, how boring their lives must be. But you don't buy that life has to be on a straight line, that you're trapped inside some tiny box. You're an example, Josh.
Josh: To whom, the scientific community?
Babe: To me. A few months ago I was slinging drinks at a bar, and the biggest project that I had going was a piña colada. And now -- now I'm a part of this incredible company, and I have no idea what comes next. But you taught me that that's ok. Really, you have started over -- what is it? -- Three times now? Wall Street, television, medicine -- Fusion makes four -- and never once before did you let a blank page intimidate you. You grabbed it, and you made it your own. So you don't know what's coming on the next page. Who cares, right? There's no rush, no clock's ticking. Because I know whatever you do and whenever you decide to do it, it's -- it's going to be amazing.
Josh: Ok, just --
Josh: Stop. All right, I know you're trying to cheer me up. But one more word of encouragement, and I'll never be able to get over you. You don't have to tell me, I know already. J.R., J.R., J.R.
Babe: He's my husband, yes, but you're my friend, and I want to be here for you.
Josh: Ok, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that lately. My insta-parents reaching out, pretending like they actually care -- it's just noise. I don't hear any of it. I don't want to hear it. The only thing I want to hear is you. Because you actually get that there's a major difference between being there and actually caring. I'd be a major wreck without you. Ok, all talk and no work makes Josh an unproductive boy, right?
Kendall: Ok, now we're alone. Now, you really truly think you're going to win me over?
Ryan: Hey, hey, hey, hi.
Ryan: Emma ok?
Annie: Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Annie: She's in a music and movement class at the Miranda Center --
Annie: Her favorite. I actually have to go pick her up soon.
Zach’s voice: Stop being stubborn for two seconds and listen to me.
Annie: Um -- how about you? You catch any shrapnel?
Ryan: Uh --
[Object smashes across the courtyard.]
Ryan: Wow. I'm -- I'm fine. You know, I just -- my ears are kind of ringing, but I'm fine, I'm fine.
Annie: Yeah. Well, screaming, yelling, flying objects -- can't be good.
Kendall’s voice: Don't you try to pull that with me. The whole world saw you and Dixie sucking face on TV!
Ryan: Yeah, Kendall thinks that there's another woman with Zach, you know.
Annie: Is there?
Ryan: Looks like there is, yeah. But, you know, she's just getting herself a little worked up. I'm just worried about her. She's going to end up in the ER again the way she's going, so --
Annie: Right. Well, anything I can do to help?
Ryan: Yeah, actually. Do you have a tranquilizer?
Annie: Well, even if I did, I wouldn't need to put a dart in you. You seem to be taking all this like a champ.
Ryan: Well, I'm --
Kendall’s voice: Don't you even try it, Zach.
Ryan: Not the one getting my heart smashed, so, you know --
Annie: No. You're the one in love with the one getting her heart smashed. Come on. Just because I married a pervert doesn't mean I'm deaf, dumb, and blind. Your eyes light up every time you mention Kendall’s name, which makes it pretty obvious how you feel about her. So, what are you going to do about it?
Kendall: I don't care! You're a disgusting, pathetic liar!
Zach: Hey, hey, ok, I give. You can lower your voice now, it's just us. They can't see us. My suit -- I'm going naked? Planned that, didn't you? Genius -- just like what you did in Dixie’s hotel room.
Kendall: What makes you think I didn't mean every word?
Ryan: That's funny -- I thought your area of expertise was corporate communications.
Annie: I help advance the mission of a company, yes, but before I can do that, I have to understand its goals, what it wants. Sometimes it's hard to get a read, sometimes it's easy -- like reading how much you want Kendall.
Ryan: Hmm. I see. I'm sorry, but I think my hopes and my wants are a little different than corporate strategy.
Annie: The way you look when you're talking about Kendall -- that's pure love in your eyes, and I'm not talking about the "Oh, we have a kid together but that's it" variety. I'm talking about the heart-pounding, mind-blowing, take-your-breath-away kind.
Ryan: We have a history. Kendall and I have a history. I suppose what you're seeing is just probably a little residual spark.
Annie: Well, any chance of history repeating itself? And if so, how can I help advance the mission?
Kendall: This Plan A for "affair with Dixie" -- I thought this was still in the theoretical realm. Like, I keep you posted, you keep me posted, and -- and we only do it as a last resort.
Zach: That was the plan.
Kendall: Ok. Well, then why did I turn on the TV at work expecting to see our new Fusion spot, and instead I see you fused with Dixie?
Zach: Because I was in Dixie’s hotel room waiting for her. Hayward showed up, and he was talking about the affair, and then Dixie walked in, and I had to put Plan A into action.
Kendall: So then Dixie was totally blindsided?
Kendall: Was she also totally psyched to snag the starring role as your lover?
Zach: Not as psyched as I am to be alone with my wife.
[Zach walks over and kisses Kendall.]
Babe: Let's go with that graphic for the press kit cover page. Kendall thinks it's classic but bold.
Josh: Kendall. I know she's a perfect 10 as a cosmetics queen. How does she rank on the honesty scale?
Babe: Uh -- I'm not going anywhere near that one.
Josh: That's what I thought. I just can't get over this whole "Go, Mom" pep rally that Kendall gave me about Erica. "No matter how many times I push Erica away, she won't stop caring about me, won't stop until she makes me her real son"? That was total spin, right?
Babe: Wrong. Kendall was giving it to you straight from experience. She's been where you are now.
J.R.: Where Josh is now is primo position to rack up more face time with my wife -- as if it's not enough for him to come into my house, take her on picnics in the park, kidnap her on his private jet. Now he wants to work his sob stories on her during all-night brainstorming sessions and three-martini lunches?
Erin: I promised you I would distract Josh from Babe, and I will.
J.R.: No, forget about that. I can handle this.
Erin: No, you know what, J.R.? I can multitask, too, just like you. If you can handle your mom and Zach all over tabloid television and still stay focused on saving your marriage, then I can certainly handle --
J.R.: All right -- let's just leave my mom out of this.
Singers: You got the love
Erin: Ok. Back to your wife, then. I will step up the Babe de-Josh-ification effort. And so you know, so we're clear, this "me trying to get attention from Josh" thing -- it's not just for your benefit. It's for mine, too. This is me doing what I want to do for once.
J.R.: What will it take to get Babe to see that Josh is just a creep?
Erin: I don't know yet, but I'm going to find out -- and the intelligence gathering begins tonight.
Jamal: You out already?
Erin: For now. Might be back, might not. You never do know with a wild and crazy woman.
Jamal: Did I miss something? Who's the wild-and-crazy woman?
Singer: Oh, you've been keeping all the
Zach: If it gets too quiet in here, they're going to think you killed me.
Kendall: Or that we kissed and made up.
Zach: Either way, it's bad for business.
Kendall: Yeah. So maybe we should only do it one more time. Just once.
Ryan: I appreciate the offer for you to help me, I really do, but I'm good. I'm -- I'm fine, thank you.
Annie: You've been so generous to me. I just want to find a way to thank you.
Ryan: You know what? There is a way. You and Emma stay safe. That's all the thanks that I need, ok?
Annie: You barely know me, and you've done everything in your power to protect me and Emma from my twisted ex-husband. I mean, a place to live, a great job for me, a great school for her, around-the-clock security for the both of us. I mean, I -- I owe you big. So if there's ever anything I can do to help -- with Jonathan and Lily, or Kendall or anything --
Kendall: Get out!
Zach: All right!
Zach: She won't listen to me, maybe she'll listen to you.
Ryan: Listen to what, Zach? Seriously, what -- what do you want me to say to the woman who fought her way back from death to spend her life with you? Because you're doing such a good job of blowing it, you know, blowing the best thing that ever happened to you. So what could I possibly say? You want me to ask her to give you a second chance? Because I'm not going to do it. You're done. I'm not going to let you hurt her, I'm not going to let you near our son, I want you out of their lives.
Zach: Out of their lives or out of your way? Because with me gone, you got a clear path to Kendall.
[Knock on door]
Kendall: Please, just tell me that this is a horrible nightmare, Ryan, because I can't do this. I can't.
Ryan: Come on, Kendall, I know that you love him. And the separation is killing you, and that's the downside, but the upside is that it's not going to last very long. That performance just now was unbelievable. No, I'm serious, it was -- it was incredibly impressive. I mean, to think that all of that was a total fake.
Kendall: Fake? What's fake is an impostor posing to be my loving husband.
Ryan: You can stop now, Kendall. Come on, the door's closed. Seriously. And don't worry -- when you kicked Zach out, I made sure I laid into him a little bit, you know, give the audience a show out there. Not sure what our nanny thinks she landed right smack in the middle of, but, seriously, I thought I did an ok job. But you? I mean, your performance -- it was unbelievable. It was Emmy worthy. I mean, you even destroyed thousands of dollars worth of clothes here, Kendall.
Kendall: Ok, does -- does throwing out these ridiculous theories -- does this amuse you?
Ryan: No, it actually hurts me, because I know it hurts you. If you kicked Zach out of your life, it would kill you. But I happen to know that Zach and Dixie didn't sleep together, and I also happen to know that you don't believe they did, not for a second.
Babe: Even though I want to cut off Kendall’s curls with a weed-whacker most of the time, you do have to respect how far she and Erica have come.
Josh: Well, to respect it, I'd have to care. And I already heard the story about the angry little adopted girl who became the apple of her mother's eye. I was hoping for the truth.
Babe: She is speaking the truth. She's reaching out to you, because she's been down that road before with Erica, and she knows that it can lead someplace good.
Josh: Well, good for them. But I don't care about Erica, and I don't feel like going down any roads with her.
Babe: No clock's ticking, no rush, remember? Maybe you'll change your mind someday, and maybe you won’t. Either way, just remember that Kendall isn't Erica.
Josh: That's right, she's my sister.
Babe: You know, you may not know this. Kendall and Bianca -- they didn't grow up together, either, just like you, but they would do anything for each other. I mean, their devotion -- it's -- it's so fierce and forever. I never had a sister, but if I did -- or if I could even have a piece of what they have -- I would grab it in a heartbeat, and you have that chance. Now, don't say anything now. Just think about it.
[Elevator doors open]
Babe: Ok. Where were we?
Erin: Hmm. If you're moving in, shouldn't you get an air mattress -- like one of those recliners with a built-in cooler?
Josh: I don't know. I'm so busy I don't think I'll ever need to eat or sleep again.
Erin: I hear you. Actually, last week, I got so wrapped up in our e-marketing campaign that Simone literally had to roll me in my chair to the elevator to go get lunch. But, I got to say, tuna-on-toast certainly did recharge the creative engines. So, how's about it? You guys want to join me down at ConFusion for a little brain-boosting break? No tuna, just toast.
Babe: You should totally go.
Josh: Well, I'm there if you're there.
Babe: You know, maybe later. I'm kind of in the zone right now.
Josh: Yeah, you know what? I kind of am, too. What Babe and I have going on here -- just can't walk away right now.
Singer: All we need is tonight if you set your mind to it baby, you can have my love tonight we can spend some time
[At ConFusion, J.R. observes Zach walking in.]
Jamal: What'll it be?
Di: Oh, Julia wants a Martin -- oh -- oh -- I mean a martini -- and a club soda for me, Jamal. Thank you. So -- his mom just totally walked in on the two of you.
Julia: Oh, busted. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide.
Di: So what'd you do?
Julia: I ran, I hid. Oh, Di, you have no idea how I'm dreading running into Brooke English.
Julia: She must think I'm some kind of child molester.
Di: Jamie Martin is no child.
Julia: Thanks. No. He certainly is not.
Di: Does that smile mean you're pleased?
Julia: "Pleased"? Um -- more like "please don't stop rocking my world with your super fine, wicked, tasty, crazy-hot self."
Jamie: I don't care if Dixie slept with Zach Slater and every high roller in the casino. It doesn't prove that she killed Madden.
Tad: That's very true.
Jamie: So what's up? Why are you implying that the less we know about the doctor's demise, the more it helps --
Tad: I'm not implying anything. I am telling you how it's going to be. Whatever you do, don't go digging into her private life.
Ryan: If somebody asked me if Zach was capable of anything, capable of murder, I would say absolutely yes, capable of anything, except cheating on you.
Kendall: Well, it's a good thing no one asked you.
Ryan: When you were in your coma, Kendall, Zach sat at your side every day, didn't move. Every day, he did whatever it took to honor your wish to bring Spike into this world safely.
Kendall: Yeah, except when he was off comforting Dixie.
Ryan: Nothing stopped him, Kendall -- nothing, not even a SWAT team, not a court order, not your mother, nothing. He would've died for you. And he still would. There is no Zach and Dixie, Kendall. There is no affair, but there is an alibi.
Ryan: And it doesn't take a genius, Kendall, to know what comes next -- obviously a shameful admission or something like that. You see, this way, Zach and Dixie, they -- they couldn't have killed Madden because, the day he disappeared, they were getting it on.
Kendall: Oh. I have no clue what to say to that.
Ryan: I don't want you to say anything to that -- nothing, not a word -- because I could get called to testify, and so your words could actually end up hurting them, hurting both of them, Zach and Dixie. So when it comes to my theory, I don't want you to nod, I don't want you to shake your head, I don't want you to blink. All I want you to do is to tell me how I can help you, how can make your world right.
Kendall: You know how you can make my world right? Just keep being a great father to our son.
Ryan: I can do better than that. I can help sell your split with Zach, and I can show you a good time while I'm doing it.
Kendall: My husband takes it up with the town hussy, and I'm out living it up, partying, having a great time? No, no. I don't think so.
Ryan: Uh -- quiet alone time isn't usually your MO during a break-up. Do you remember you slept with my brother to get back at me -- remember that? And then you married Zach to get back at Ethan, and let's think -- when you found out that Zach caused the black-out, you even proposed to me.
Kendall: Well, I'm a mother now. I'm different.
Ryan: Well, I'm a new dad now, and I still have my old tricks, and I can help you with them.
Kendall: Ryan, I told you how you can help me -- just take care of Spike.
Ryan: I will -- I mean, we will, Kendall, but half the world knows that I'm in love with you, right? Don't you think they'd find it a little bit odd if I didn't try to fill the void? I mean, don't you think they would think it was even odder still if you didn't let me?
Kendall: Ryan, no! Please, no! This is not going to happen, no!
Ryan: You think that I'm going to forget that you're in love with Zach?
Kendall: You said it, not me.
Ryan: I'm a big boy. I'll be all right, honestly, all right? If there's one thing that I know the difference, it's between reality and a con.
Kendall: You are amazing. You know that? I am so lucky to have you. I mean, here you are, just ready to dive in, to -- to do anything to help me -- co-parent, co-conspirator. I wish I could just divide myself up like that, maybe clone myself, so I could have one for Zach and one for you.
Ryan: Wait a minute -- two of you? Mankind couldn't handle that. Come here.
[Ryan tenderly hugs Kendall.]
Singer: No more lies
J.R.: Are you serious about my mother, or are you just stringing her along?
Singer: Take you places that you've never been
J.R.: I asked you a question, Slater.
Zach: Watch your tone, Junior. Makes me want to put my fist right through your face. Don't mess with all of us.
J.R.: Now, since your wife gave you the boot, what does that mean for my mother?
Zach: It means instead of sitting here looking like the idiot that you are, you should be thanking me.
Julia: Yeah, your good friend Julia has just bought a one-way ticket to loony land. That's the only explanation for my being so blissed-out over Jamie is that I've gone five kinds of crazy.
Di: No, you know what would be five times kind of crazy is if my good pal Julia didn't go for this 100%.
Di: Less thinking, more action. Jump into life with both feet. Bungee-jump off the nearest bridge.
Erin: Jump on Aidan’s bones while you're at it. Oh, you should ask your friend Di about that, because the experience is so much fresher in her mind. She seemed to be enjoying herself, but I don't want to put words in your mouth.
Di: Strictly one-time deal, Erin. If you want Aidan, you can have him.
Erin: No. Been there, done him, moving on, so you two enjoy yourself now and do feel free to spread the joy.
Singers: All we need is tonight tonight tonight
Julia: Ow. I'm going on about my scandalous affair with Jamie, and you're doing Aidan Devane, huh? Nice.
Aidan: Hey, I wasn't around when you and Dixie were together. But I heard the local legend.
Tad: "Together Forever." You know what's amazing? Even after everything we've been through -- her disappearing, giving away our child -- I still have that fantasy running around the back of my head. Well, I'm sick and tired of feeling stupid because of a woman.
Aidan: Yeah. Well, what I say is love is like one big pub crawl. It seems like a great idea at the time until you wake up in the morning stripped to your boxer shorts, sunburned to a crisp, and stranded halfway up Mount Kilimanjaro.
Tad: Why can't you do anything like a normal person? What is that supposed to imply -- monkey love, 007 style?
Aidan: It doesn't matter whether you're a spy or a shoemaker, Tad. All right? Love means risk. So playing around with a woman that you might be fond of seems to be a much safer form of recreation.
Jamie: By the way, Mom might give you a call. She kind of walked in on Julia and I doing the wild thing.
Aidan: I'm going to be -- I'm going to be shoving off, too.
Tad: Don't tell me -- you got a hot date on Mount Rushmore with a blonde in a trench coat.
Aidan: I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Oh, um -- before I go, on a serious note, there's something that you should know.
Tad: You're thinking about making a go of it with Di?
Aidan: Is that a problem?
Tad: No problem at all.
Annie: Ooh, good girl.
Annie: Good girl.
Terry: Hey, jackpot. Persistence pays off. You know, I must've called every apartment in your building. What a stroke of luck you picked up, huh?
Annie: What do you want?
Terry: To say good night to my daughter. Put Emma on. She needs her daddy, and her daddy needs her.
Annie: Where are you, Terry?
Terry: Oh, closer than you think.
Emma: Mommy, Mommy! I'm ready for a story.
Terry: Is that my baby?
Annie: Oh, you come anywhere near her --
Terry: Shh. Just tell Emma Daddy will be seeing her very, very soon.
Di: Some things aren't meant to last more than one night. I think Aidan and I definitely fall into that category.
Julia: Oh. The sex was that bad, huh?
Di: No. No, in fact, it was super-crazy fine, and crazy-crazy hot.
Julia: Well, why don't you go back for seconds, then? Jeez.
Aidan: Well, I never say no to seconds.
[Erin watches as Josh and Babe walk into ConFusion.]
Babe: Well, at this point, Kendall may need you more than you need her.
Josh: What would Kendall need me for?
Babe: Brotherly love, support, late-night hot fudge sundae runs. The Zach-Dixie thing?
Josh: What Zach-Dixie thing?
Zach: My affair with Dixie doesn't concern you -- other than the fact that, because of it, Dixie and myself have an alibi for the night my dear friend Greg Madden disappeared. We were in the motel room all night. We tried to keep it private until now.
J.R.: So this alibi -- the cops know about it?
Zach: They're being told as we speak.
J.R.: Here's to freedom.
Singer: Out of control rock 'n roll out of control out of control
[Kendall and Ryan walk into ConFusion.]
>> On the next "All My Children" --
J.R. (to Dixie): You want to be close to Zach so you can make a play. You're going to try to snag Slater from Kendall.
Zach (to Ryan): Hey, get your hands off my wife.
Babe (to Josh): This is so not good.
[Totally disregarding Zach, Ryan passionately kisses Kendall.
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