AMC Transcript Thursday 7/13/06

All My Children Transcript Thursday 7/13/06


Provided By Boo
Proofread by Gisele

Colby: Hey, I was just tailing you.

Jamie: Sure you were.

Colby: Dr. Josh is still accusing you of turning his dad into fertilizer. Of course, I followed you.

Jamie: Maybe to retrieve this?

Colby: Yes -- to help you. I didn't know about the blackmail thing then. I saw you guys dump it and thought it could be anything.

Jamie: What, a build-your-own-coffin kit? Or maybe it was just the 50 grand you asked for.

Colby: No, I am not like that. I didn't -- I'd never -- this is about family and love -- hey, hands off that!

J.R.: Curiosity runs in the family.

Colby: It's mine, it's private.

J.R.: And you got the bag you wanted, fair trade.

Colby: I didn't want this!

Jamie: Oh, you just like dumpster diving?

[Colby sighs]

Colby: I just want to be a part of your life, J.R. You're my brother. I love you.

Jamie: What'd you find?

J.R.: Babe's driver's license.

Colby: It is? I must've picked it up by mistake.

J.R.: Don't insult us.

Derek: J.R. is capable of anything under the influence.

Babe: J.R. is not drinking.

Derek: Alcohol is only one kind of intoxicant.

Babe: He doesn't do drugs, either.

Derek: Rage can make a man lethal.

Babe: Or a woman.

Derek: It's been known to happen.

Amanda: Tell me about it.

Derek: But when women maim or kill, it's usually with a long-distance or hands-off approach -- poison, sometimes a bullet, but mostly they don't like to see the blood and gore. Men are into showmanship -- make a mark, leave a statement -- a pile of building materials pushed onto a small woman, say, smash her like a bug.

Babe: You're not going to get a rise out of me, Chief Frye. End of conversation.

Derek: Or leave a guy on a hook in a freezer like so much dead meat.

Amanda: Could we not talk about men in freezers, please? It kind of hits a little close to home.

Derek: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you with that. I know you've been through a lot, including getting run down by J.R.ís car -- by whoever was behind the wheel.

Babe: I was driving, remember? Maybe you should review that case file of yours. Maybe whoever killed Greg Madden is right under your nose.

Derek: You might be right.

Babe: Oh, and that whole meat locker thing with Josh? Someone's idea of a prank.

Derek: Someone with a lousy sense of humor. You think what he did to Greg Madden was a prank, too?

Kendall: Hey, you're grieving, and all you want to do is prosecute J.R. I get that.

Josh: You agreed to help with that.

Kendall: But I -- this cannot wait. I -- you are the only one that I can ask.

Josh: You begged my father for help. He came through, he bent the rules, Kendall. You got pregnant, now you think you can just --

Kendall: No, listen, listen, it was supposed to be Ryanís sperm, not his own.

Josh: My father wouldn't do that!

Kendall: Listen, Josh, listen. I need to be absolutely certain that Spike is Ryanís son.

Ryan: Yeah, I want a crib delivered to my office. Yes, to my office -- that's what I said, isn't it? I want that right away, ok? Thank you. Hey. What's -- what's going on?

Erica: Zach has been running casinos forever -- Vegas, Reno, Atlantic city. Don't you think he has some, uh, pretty unsavory business connections, maybe even some high rollers who have lost a fortune -- people who don't like Zach, who might even want him removed?

Ryan: Where is this coming from?

Erica: Zach could simply vanish -- I could be that lucky. Ryan, don't you think there just might be a thug who would want to take Zach out?

Zach: Hey -- this is not what you want.

Dixie: Yes, it is.

Zach: Yeah? Right here, like this?

Dixie: Yeah. Come on, Zach, please?

Zach: You want love. I can't give you that. I love my wife.

Kendall: You're the one who told me the whole "donor number one" story.

Josh: Story, that's right -- science fiction created by my father's enemies.

Kendall: Ok, well, what would they have to gain?

Josh: It's -- it's the first step, Kendall. Discredit the man you want to take down, slash his reputation, accuse him of immoral and unethical acts fathering hundreds of children.

Kendall: Your father has a lot of enemies.

Josh: Great men usually do. They're jealous of his power and accomplishments. And people may have hated him because they couldn't -- he couldn't help them. But they all envied his -- his genius.

Kendall: No, my mother never envied anyone.

Josh: Your mother, Dixie, Tad, J.R., Jamie, Julia, Ryan, your husband, Di, her semi-literate brother. You know, if my father had another grave -- and I'm going to make damn sure he doesn't -- they'd all get in line to dance on it.

Kendall: Ok, Iím -- I'm sorry. I don't want to upset you like this.

Josh: Right, you just want a piece of the man this town just crucified. How sick is that

[Spike cries]

Kendall: You know what? For my son, I would do a hell of a lot worse. Ok, baby. Don't you want to know the truth, Josh? Don't you want to find out if your father is Spike's father, too?

Josh: It's a filthy lie, Kendall. Then let's put it to rest. Let's -- let's test Gregís DNA against Spike's, prove that Spike is Ryanís son.

Ryan: Kendall is very, very happy right now. She's happy with her son and with her husband. The last thing that she needs to hear is you spreading this "Zach getting knocked off" fantasy.

Erica: I am simply acknowledging the possibility.

Ryan: Look, he adores her, he adores Kendall, he would do anything in his power to keep her happy.

Erica: Yeah, his "power." Zach has way too much power.

Ryan: Look, he's her husband --

Erica: Zach could destroy my family, our life. That's the kind of power that Zach has. And someday if he's not happy with me, if he has any problem with me whatsoever, Zach will tell Josh who I am, and that what I really wanted to do was to have an abortion.

Colby: Ok, you got her driver's license. Give me back my purse.

J.R.: Driving with a stolen license, underage drinking?

Jamie: My, my, you're getting quite an impressive rap sheet.

J.R.: Oh, and -- what's this?

Colby: Weird, huh?

J.R.: Oh, yeah, weird. Colby: I found it over --

Jamie: Every extortionist needs one of these.

[Jamieís disguised voice] "I know what you did because I saw you do it."

J.R.: And that sounds vaguely familiar.

Babe: Whoever "he" is, who says that it's the same person or people that did it?

Derek: Just a theory. And "he," because digging a grave, knocking together a wooden coffin and lugging around 180 pounds of dead weight -- more of a manly approach.

Babe: Maybe you could track the coffin.

Derek: We know that the coffin was nailed shut but had to be reopened only once, then was nailed.

Amanda: They dug him up? Why?

Derek: We assume Dr. Madden didn't give them what they were looking for.

Babe: Look, this is fascinating and all, but Amanda and I, we have work to do.

Derek: You know, loyalty's a great thing, but when it gets misplaced -- look, I've seen too many women who stood by their men in the ER with broken arms, smashed skulls, and worse.

Babe: J.R. wouldnít hurt me now.

Derek: Oh, no? Watch out for that slippery bathtub or that loose rug at the top of the stairs. Women like you need to learn about home repair.

Babe: Women like me, huh? J.R. is not a batterer.

Derek: No, he went straight to attempted murder. That landslide of building materials was meant for you. Donít forget that.

Babe: It was nice talking with you, Chief Frye.

Derek: You know, the women who end up bloody and battered in the ER feel like they don't have any choice -- no money, few friend no family besides their men. What's your excuse?

Amanda: Derek sure has targeted J.R. for the Madden thing.

Babe: Yeah, well, Derek is dead wrong.

Amanda: And you know that 100% for sure?

Babe: Yes, I do. J.R. is innocent.

Amanda: Because you can account for every second of his time when Dr. Madden was being buried?

Babe: He didn't do it.

Amanda: Only you can't alibi him. This is all on his word.

Babe: When J.R. looked me straight in the eye and said no, I could tell that he was telling the truth.

Amanda: And that's all?

Babe: Go ahead, say it. You think I'm an empty-headed, brain-dead idiot.

J.R.: Why would you need to disguise your voice?

Colby: I told you I found it.

Jamie: Oh, of course you did.

Colby: Right there by the Dumpster. I didn't know what it was.

J.R.: Well, if she says it's true, it must be.

Jamie: Yeah, I bet you can take that to the bank.

Colby: Like you guys have never picked up anything without knowing what it was?

J.R.: Not from a Dumpster.

Colby: I'm an eccentric in training. 50 or 60 years from now, I'm going to be a card-carrying bag lady.

Jamie: Yeah, but whose card will you be holding then?

Colby: Like neither of you have ever had a fake ID?

J.R.: We shouldn't be so hard on her. It's not like Liza gave her cash before she took off.

Jamie: Oh, come on. You're not going to let her keep the bag?

J.R.: Why not?

Colby: Really? You mean it?

[Colby finds nothing but paper in the bag she thought was full of cash.]

Colby: You creeps. You lying, cheating --

Jamie: We're cheaters?

Colby: This isn't funny!

Jamie: Yeah, no kidding. Blackmail and murder are not your shopping tickets.

J.R.: Of all the people that you could steal from, you'd steal from your own brother? What's wrong with you?

Colby: It's not I like had a bunch of choices.

Jamie: You could've robbed a liquor store.

Colby: The second I get to town, I nearly trip over Josh's dad's dead body, and who's the supposed murderer? My very own brother.

J.R.: Oh, so, hey, get in the mix, make things worse.

Colby: I need to be bankrolled.

J.R.: Why couldn't you just ask for the cash?

Colby: You've been kind of busy. And Dadís so caught up in what you did -- or maybe did -- and how it's going to affect your wife and his own wife. Please. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal.

Jamie: What's a little extortion if you keep it in the family?

J.R.: Does it matter to you at all if I'm guilty?

Colby: Maybe you're not. Because if you really did kill Josh's dad, you would've coughed up the 50 grand in real cash. Just my luck.

Jamie: Oh, poor Colby -- your brother's not a murderer.

J.R.: Yeah.

Colby: Unless -- unless you didn't pull the money together because you don't want the blackmailer to get away. You were going to murder him -- me, too!

J.R.: Oh -- she's hopeless.

Colby: It doesn't matter. I've been busted, nailed, and broke. Does anybody's life suck me than mine?

Jamie: No. You have all the world's suckiness cornered.

Colby: I don't need your sympathy. I need 50,000, like, yesterday. So tell me what I got to do to get the cash. Name it, and I'll do it.

Babe: I'm delusional. I'm -- I'm a masochist. I'm a pushover for a handsome face. I'm an ignorant, hopeless queen of denial.

Amanda: You are not stupid or ignorant.

Babe: You are just saying that because I hired you for ConFusion.

Amanda: That and because you make yourself fit in at Fusion.

Babe: Are you kidding me? I don't fit in.

Amanda: Ok, but you are a force in that company, and you're raising your son at the same time and you're balancing a complicated marriage.

Babe: Most people would describe my marriage as insane.

Amanda: They don't know you as well as I do.

Babe: But they know J.R. well enough to hate him.

Amanda: Come on, didn't J.R. give you any proof that he's innocent? Because you have to admit someone desperate to find their little sister might do some extreme stuff to make someone talk. I know you love the guy, ok, but if he might've actually done this --

Babe: He didnít.

Amanda: You're convinced of that now, but you had to ask him if he was guilty. Of course, you didn't want to believe that he could do something that twisted. I'm -- I'm sorry for you.

Lily: Hi, Babe, hi, Amanda.

Jonathan: Hi. How are you, guys?

Amanda: Hey.

Babe: Hi. Fine.

Amanda: Great. You guys look happy.

Jonathan: Oh, sure we are. I mean, the honeymoon's still on.


Lily: We didn't actually really have a honeymoon.

Jonathan: It -- it means that we still feel like newlyweds because -- because we're so much in love.

Lily: Right. And we're happy today because we're applying for jobs here.

Jonathan: With you -- if you need anyone.

Babe: Ok. Um -- let me wrap up with Amanda, and then we'll talk, ok?

Jonathan: Ok

Lily: Thanks.

Jonathan: Yeah, sure, no problem.

Babe: Great.

Amanda: Ok, ok. Ignore me. What do I know? When have I had a solid, loving relationship?

Babe: I appreciate your concern.

Amanda: But not the negativity. You know J.R. You know what's in his heart better than anyone, and you totally love the guy. He seems to be pretty wild about you.

Babe: Yeah, he is.

Amanda: I hope I find that someday. That kind of love can change people for the better.

Dixie: Well, just when you think things can't get any worse, I throw myself at a happily married man.

Zach: Come on. You needed someone, I was here. No one got hurt, no one got injured.

Dixie: Not unless you count my pride.

Zach: Well, that shouldn't be injured, either. If the circumstances were different, we wouldn't be talking at all.

Dixie: So you -- you won't hold this against me?

Zach: Come on, forgotten. You ok?

Dixie: Yeah, thanks.

Zach: Ok. Call me if you need anything.

[Knock on door]

Tad: So was that a quickie, or didn't Zach come prepared?

Ryan: You stabbed Zach in the gut, and did he look for revenge?

Erica: He married my daughter.

Ryan: Erica, come on, he dragged his bleeding body into court and perjured himself so that you wouldn't have to stand trial.

Erica: Oh, come on, he did that because he cares about Kendall, he wanted to impress Kendall. He doesn't give a damn about me.

Ryan: Ok. Well, that's fine. So he, you know, sucks up to you to score points with Kendall. That's not going to change, he loves her.

Erica: Boy, you are so happy and everything's right with your world just because you're a new daddy.

Ryan: Works for me.

Erica: No, it doesn't, it's blinding you. It's blinding you, Ryan, to some very dangerous possibilities. Ryan, you really need to be alert here.

Ryan: Erica, I just -- I can't see Zach as a great danger. I'm not going to go out and hire a hit man because you're afraid --

Erica: Is your memory really so short?

Ryan: Just let it go, Erica.

Erica: Ryan, Zach stabbed Ethan in the heart when he married Kendall, and he didn't even love Kendall at the time. But he didn't care if he destroyed his own son, he wanted to. Now, if he gets mad at Kendall, what might he do to my daughter -- or to your son?

Kendall: You're thinking it's possible.

Josh: No, no. There's no way this is my father's baby.

Kendall: Ok, see, you sound very sure of yourself, but I can see it in your face.

Josh: Look, Kendall, if you're so worried, then why don't you test his DNA markers with Ryanís? Just settle this.

Kendall: Ryan will not go along with it.

Josh: Because he knows it's a lie. My father is not donor number one to all these women.

Kendall: Ryan loves Spike. He can't even imagine the possibility that it's not his sperm, that it's your fatherís.

[Josh sighs]

Josh: Well, then take his DNA. Do it without him knowing. Take it to some independent lab and just leave me out of it.

Kendall: Josh, this could be your brother.

Josh: Well, that would just make your year, wouldn't it?

Kendall: No. No, actually, but Zach and Ryan, they have no idea I'm doing this. They are completely against it.

Josh: Well, they're willing to love this child no matter what. Aren't you?

Kendall: That's not the point. I admire your father. I was the only one who supported him, and I trusted him. I admired his dedication to his work and helping the couples who couldn't conceive.

Josh: Yeah, and now you're terrified this -- you may have just given birth to my father's baby.

Kendall: Yes, I need to know. This is very important to me. Josh, listen to me. If I could've helped your father during all of that craziness, I would have, believe me. But I was lying in a hospital bed in a coma. Now, your father and I, we weren't the best of friends, but we just disagreed on a few things. He wanted to give up my child for adoption, I decided to keep him. And I really wanted to tell you father, and by the time I was ready to, he was gone. He and I, we weren't enemies, and I didn't think you and I were, either.

Josh: We're not.

Kendall: Ok. So then -- then call whoever it is that you need to call and let's get your father's DNA samples and take care of this.

Josh: Look, the police impounded the samples from my father's autopsy. You'd have to go public, through the courts.

Kendall: Ok, so forget the samples. What about -- what about the rest of Gregís body?

Josh: This is what's left of my father.

[Josh holds up a box with Gregís ashes.]

Ryan: Let me think -- there's Joe, Jeff, Tad, Zach, me. Are you going to have us all killed so your secret isn't exposed?

Erica: Ryan, this is not some silly fantasy.

Ryan: And you know what? It's not a mob vendetta, either.

Erica: Zach is the only wild card here. I mean, what if sometime Kendall happens to do something that Zach doesn't like? He'd want to hurt her. Do you think he'd hesitate for one minute to drop a bomb that could ruin our whole family, yours and mine? Ryan, Kendall is the mother of your child. Whether you like it or not, we're in this together.

Ryan: I think you're blowing this way out of proportion.

Erica: I don't even know how you can say that, after all that Kendallís been through? J.R. almost killed her, she almost lost Spike. Ryan, don't you think the least we can do is spare her from all this sordid business with -- with Josh and Greg Madden?

[Phone rings]

Erica: Oh, I have to take this.

[While Ericaís on the phone, Ryan imagines how badly Kendall would react to what Greg did.]

Kendall: Ryan, I was right, I was right. I know this is going to sound insane, but I was right about Greg and Spike, and I -- I didn't know the whole story. If I had, I never would've gone to Greg and this never, ever would've happened.

Ryan: Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down. What happened?

Kendall: Listen to me, it's Josh, ok? Josh is not Greg Maddenís son. He's Jeff Martinís son, the same baby that my mother wanted to terminate, and she went to Greg, but instead he harvested her embryo and he transplanted it into -- into his own wife. Greg and his wife raised my mother's son, and now I'm raising Gregís son -- we are. Spike isn't yours, he's not yours. Greg Madden didn't use your sperm, he -- he inseminated me with his own. He used his own, Ryan!

Ryan: We love Spike. Think about that. Think about who our son is, who --

Kendall: No, not "our son," he's Gregís son! He's Gregís son! This -- this is what I nearly died for, Gregís son? He -- he got me pregnant. That sick son of a bitch got me pregnant, and I can't do this, Ryan. I cannot do this, and I won't do it, ok? I can't! Do -- do you understand me, Ryan?

Erica: Ryan? Is everything all right, Ryan?

Ryan: I think that you're right. Kendall can't find out about Josh, and I am going to make sure she never does.

Kendall: No. No, Josh, that -- that can't be.

Josh: I couldn't bury him again, not after what he went through. Putting him back underground, I --

Kendall: Ok, I -- I get that, I do, I'm sorry. I just -- this is not good. This is really bad. I have got to find out if Spike is your father's son. So what do I do now? What, do I bust into the -- the police station and steal evidence, steal DNA samples?

Josh: No, you don't because it's not true.

Kendall: Ok, listen, remember when your dad had his on-air heart attack, and we were at the hospital -- you, my mother, and myself, we were in his hospital room?

Josh: Yeah, of course, I do.

Kendall: Ok, and we were trying to get them to come out with whatever it was they had to say?

Josh: Yeah, they kept dancing around it.

Kendall: Yeah, it was as if they were daring each other to -- to spill some huge secret. Well, did you ever find out what it was?

Josh: No. Their little game of chicken caused my dad's arrhythmia attack again.

Kendall: Yeah, and the only thing that my mother could cop to was that Greg was obsessed with her. Josh, what if your father wanted a child with her, and since that wasn't possible, he found the chance to make a baby with me and he took it?

Josh: That's a pretty wild leap.

Kendall: Yeah, but too wild compared to all the stuff that's been happening with your father and all that was done to him? Josh, what if your father inseminated me with his own donation and then my mother found out about it?

Josh: It would answer a lot of questions.

Kendall: You may have no problem with not knowing, but I have to find out.

Josh: All right. Fine. We'll test his DNA with mine. If I'm right, and he's the son of a Kane and a Lavery, he won't have the same genetic markers. We won't be related.

J.R.: Did I miss something? You really need 50 Gs?

Colby: If I economize it, that'll cover it.

J.R.: You have to pay off a loan shark?

Colby: Yeah, I'm in the mob. Please, get serious. I need a car.

Jamie: You don't drive.

J.R.: You don't have a driver's license.

Jamie: Well, not your own, anyway.

Colby: I am a great driver.

J.R.: You crashed a car in the park -- a stolen one -- the first day you were back.

Colby: Please. I was being chased by a cop caravan. Break, please.

Jamie: You know, she does have a point -- that could happen to anyone.

Colby: No cars equals solitary confinement. Zero freedom. I'm a prisoner.

J.R.: You should be.

Colby: Nobody thinks I killed anybody.

Jamie: The day is young.

Colby: I can't come and go as I please.

Jamie: And the State of Pennsylvania is grateful.

Colby: Hmm. You're so funny. It's not like I can talk to my friends whenever I feel like it.

J.R.: You have friends?

Colby: Josh -- the son of the dead man in the park? He likes me.

Jamie: God, are you serious?

J.R.: You think your life is maximum-security?

Colby: It's hell.

J.R.: You keep this kind of thing up, it's going to be hello, St. Rita's School for Troubled Girls in Rocky Ledge, Michigan. See, the nuns that they have stationed there -- they were too tough for regular schools, so they have their own set of rules at St. Rita's. And those women enjoy their work. So you keep stealing, you keep committing fraud, you keep playing all of us, and Dadís going to have you in a plaid uniform with sensible shoes before you can say "Boot camp"! You should call up Hayley. She had to do some time there once. So you quit drinking, you quit driving, and you fall in line.

Jamie: And stay away from Josh Madden.

J.R.: Unless you want to end up as a human piñata at St. Rita's.

Colby: Thanks for your kindness and understanding.

Jamie: Pleasure doing business with you.

Jamie: So, does this St. Rita's actually exist?

J.R.: I'll call Hayley and fill her in.

Babe: Thank you.

Amanda: Mm-hmm.

Babe: Well, so far I'm impressed.

Jonathan: Oh, hey, and I can help with all kinds of heavy stuff. But Lily -- Lilyís the star. You know, she -- she has a calculator up there. I mean, Lily could be doing your receipts and all that stuff, and -- and there could be a blackout, and all the numbers will stay in her head. Nothing will get erased, so she'll save you lots of time. Oh, and -- and Lily can look at -- in one of your bottles and know what percent of the contents is gone, and -- and she can remember that from night to night so that none of your employees can get away with stealing any of your booze.

Babe: Wow.

Lily: But I can't mix any drinks because I'm only 18.

Jonathan: Right. Well -- um -- Lilyís better behind the scenes.

Lily: Right. Like, offices would be nice because usually there's less people there, and less people means less noise and less red.

Babe: Ok.

Jonathan: We've had some trouble finding work.

Lily: Yes, most people that don't know us think that we're being comedic or stupid.

Jonathan: No, Lily, they're -- they're just nervous because we're a little different.

Babe: Lily, how about we go check out the office and see if you like it?

Lily: Really? Does this mean we're hired, both of us?

Babe: You bet. Hey, we always have room for good workers. Come on.

Amanda: What do you see yourself doing around here?

Jonathan: I will be doing whatever Babe wants -- manual labor, busing tables, take out the garbage.

Amanda: And that'll be challenging enough for you?

Jonathan: It'll pay my bills.

Amanda: Jonathan, you have major business experience, you could run the whole place.

Jonathan: Yeah, this Jonathan can.

Amanda: It'll drive you nuts, standing around taking orders when you should be giving them.

Jonathan: I don't need to run anything. I just want to be around in case Lily needs me. I mean, the -- the smile that she gets on her face, or the sparks in her eyes when she's done something that she's proud of? I -- I mean, all the money and the power in the world can't even come close to that.

Amanda: Lily is one very lucky girl.

Dixie: Tell me, is someone paying you to camp outside my door?

Tad: I wasn't camping outside your door. I just -- I came because I wanted to apologize about the way I dumped the news of Maddenís death in your lap and then just disappeared.

[Tad sighs]

Tad: I also wanted to tell you that it doesn't change anything, I intend to look for Kate until I find her or until I'm too old to look anymore, and then I'm just going to assign the case to somebody else.

Dixie: Great. Well, we'll both keep searching, then.

Tad: So that's what you call it? You know, it's funny, because I expected to find you inconsolable, and apparently old Zach has the magic touch -- just like your friend in France with the chateau, Mr. Wells, and Hayward and God knows how many others.

Dixie: Not Zach.

Tad: Oh. Well, I'm sure another will be along anytime soon. And you know what they say -- nothing like a little wild sex to help you forget your missing daughter.

Die: I don't know, Tad. Did you forget all your problems when you were having wild sex with Adamís wife?

Dixie: Last night I stopped by your house, and you've got your hands full of Krystal. Luckily for me, Zach and I didn't do anything.

Tad: Uh-huh. Well, if that's the case, it wasn't because you weren't trying.

Dixie: Well, unlike Krystal, Zach is a happily married man.

Tad: Hey -- no, no, no, no. Krystal is off the table. Krystal -- this whole topic of Krystal is out of bounds, ok, it's off-limits.

Dixie: Oh -- oh, there are rules? I see. It's ok for you to get whatever you need, but it's not ok for me?

Tad: You're enjoying this too much.

Dixie: I'm not enjoying this at all!

Tad: Yes, you are. Last night you got all the ammunition on me you're ever going to need!

Dixie: I just don't understand why you get off being so sanctimonious.

Tad: One night. One night, one mistake --

Dixie: Well, at least you admit it's a mistake.

Tad: In no way adds up to your obvious pattern of sex capades with completely inappropriate partners.

Dixie: Oh, Tad, just stop it.

Tad: When you want to forget about Kate, it's seems to be "Come on, guys, bring 'em on. Come one, come all!"

Dixie: Stop it, Tad! Just shut up, stop it!

Kendall: Not so bad, especially since Josh got to go first.

Josh: I'll call you as soon as I get the results.

Kendall: Ok. Come on, buddy, let's go. Thank you so much for doing this, Josh. Ok.

Josh: How soon can you get these results?

Lab tech: Depends on how nice you're willing to be.

Zach: You ordered the DNA test, didn't you?

Colby: Here's your driver's license back, Babe. I'm so, so sorry.

Colby: Secret music stash.

[Going through J.R.ís bureau drawer, Colby finds a CD player and hits the Play button.]

Greg's voice: Should these by my final moments on -- or should I say under -- earth, I leave my last will and testament.

Dixie: I don't judge you and Krystal. I don't really care. I'm not going to tell Adam or anybody else what happened.

Tad: Nobody needs that kind of trouble.

Dixie: If you do one thing for me.

Tad: Like what?

Dixie: We got to stop this. We got to stop fighting. Because life is difficult enough without you and I constantly going at each other.

Tad: So, what do you want, some kind of truce?

Dixie: At least while we search for Kate.

Tad: Ok. Until we find Kate, a truce.

J.R.: You know, as much as I'd like to ground Colby for life, I'd also like to buy her flowers.

Jamie: Not a car?

J.R.: No blackmailer. We're in the clear.

Jamie: There's no witnesses to what we did.

J.R.: Just a spoiled-rotten sister --

Jamie: Who wasn't even here when it happened.

J.R.: We can still testify for each other.

Jamie: We were playing cards that night --

J.R.: Roasting marshmallows at the lake --

Jamie: Night-fishing --

J.R.: And nobody will know the difference.

Greg's voice: My last will and testament. I bequeath to you, the vilest citizens of Pine Valley --

[CD stops]

Babe: What are you doing?

Colby: Uh -- it was the weirdest thing. I found your driver's license on the floor in the hall, and I was just returning it.

Babe: To my husband's sock drawer?

Colby: I've got this thing for socks. Kidding. Uh -- no, J.R. has always had this amazing stash of dark chocolates in his dresser.

Babe: That doesn't look like chocolate.

Colby: Uh -- funny. Uh -- I just wanted to see what J.R. has been listening to these days. I want to buy him a present, music or something. Only, this isn't music -- some guy talking weirdness.

Babe: Ask J.R. what music he likes.

Colby: I will.

Babe: I'll have to be more careful.

Colby: Great idea. Later.

Erica: Oh, thank God I was able to get through to you. Zach has to be stopped.

Ryan: Zach is not dangerous. It's the truth that Kendall and Josh have to be protected from.

Erica: And the easiest way to accomplish that is to get Zach out of the picture. I'm not suggesting murder.

Ryan: Josh is the problem. We get rid of him, we get rid of the problem. And, look, Cambias comes with a lot of power, and I will use everything I can to make sure Josh leaves town.

Josh: I need those results yesterday. How much would dinner and a movie speed up the process?

Lab tech: You just landed on the top of my to-do list.

Kendall: Hey, you and Ryan might be able to let it go, but I can't. I have got to know if Greg is my son's father.

Zach: I figured that. You'll feel better once you find out that Ryan is Spike's old man. You'll be happy and relaxed. Let's go home.

Kendall: Yeah.

Zach: Come on, big guy.

[Babe is stunned as she listens to Gregís recording.]

Greg's voice: Should these be my final moments on -- or should I say under -- earth, I leave my last will and testament. I bequeath to you, the vilest citizens of Pine Valley, the following -- to Erica, eternal torment and hatred from Josh, your only son.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Babe (to Krystal): We need to get out of here tonight. I'll take Little A with me.

Ryan (to Annie): Who are you really, Annie?

Zach (to Erica): I'll tell you what Greg Madden really did. You're going to have to be strong. I don't want you falling apart in front of my wife.

Lab tech (to Josh): The results you requested, Dr. Madden?

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