AMC Transcript Tuesday 6/27/06

All My Children Transcript Tuesday 6/27/06


Provided By Boo
Proofread by Gisele

Krystal: Let me go, you son of a gun!

Adam: Give me that!

Krystal: Oh, not on your life!

Adam: No!

Babe: Mama --

J.R.: What are you doing?

Babe: Get off him!

Adam: Are you losing your mind?

Krystal: Better than losing my daughter!

Adam: Give -- give me that.

Krystal: I'm going to take them right up the wazoo!

Babe: You guys!

Dixie: I know what you're doing.

David: Good.

Greg: Please! Please! I don't want to die like this! I don't want to drown. Please, let me out of here! You want to know where Kate Martin is? I'll tell you everything! Please, not this! I'll tell you everything. Get me out of here. Get me out of here first. Please. Please get me out of here before it's too late for both of us! Please. Where are you?

Erin: It's really sweet of you to want to help me, but Aidan and I on ice is my decision, ok? I'm going to deal with it.

Jonathan: You need me, you have me.

Erin: Thank you.

Jonathan: All right.

Erin: Ok. There is -- there's one more thing, and it's not about me.

Jonathan: Listen to me, ok? That conversation --

Erin: No --

Jonathan: Is over.

Erin: Please reconsider this thing with Lily, Jonathan.

Jonathan: You saw how happy she is, Erin. You said that you were happy for us.

Erin: Yeah -- I want you both to stay that way, but does this have to mean you running around pretending to be developmentally challenged?

Jonathan: I'm not going to talk about this anymore.

[Erin sighs]

Jonathan: To you, to anyone. You said that you would keep my secret for me, Erin. Hey, will you?

Erin: Ok, all right. All right, all right. You know I will. Ok.

Jonathan: Thank you. Thank you --

Erin: Hmm.

Jonathan: So much.

Erin: Yeah. Ok.

Jonathan: Yeah.

Jonathan: Amanda? I -- I didn't know you were there. Are -- are we still going to go to BJ’s? I really like their curly fries.

Amanda: Drop the "Aw, shucks."

Jonathan: I -- I don't understand.

Amanda: Oh, like hell you don't.

Jonathan: Amanda, are you mad at me? What -- what did I do?

Amanda: I heard you! The whole dumb, sweet Jonathan thing -- it was nothing but an act, you slimeball!

Zach: Dixie and I are friends. Not a problem to me, but it is to you.

Kendall: On a scale of one to 10, it's an 11. This is how all my relationships have ended.

Adam: Ow!

Babe: Whoa, Mom!

J.R.: Oh! Will you ease up?

Babe: Get off, Mama! Seriously!

Adam: Oh, I think you broke my neck!

Krystal: You can't watch professional wrestling for 15 years without learning something!

Adam: I think you must've dislocated something.

Krystal: Oh, well, that was just a warning. If I'd wanted, you'd be on the ground in pieces begging for your mama!

Adam: Give me that.

Babe: Oh -- whoa! You guys are fighting over a shoe? What the heck is going on?

Krystal: Not just any shoe.

J.R.: It's mine!

Babe: Ok. So now I'm completely, totally lost.

Krystal: I'm just looking after you, Babe. Somebody's got to be rational.

Babe: Ooh -- whoa!

J.R.: What are you doing?

Krystal: Checking for booze. Nice breath mint.

Babe: Mama, you're overreacting.

J.R.: I never even had a drop.

Krystal: Oh, well, with all the crud you pulled on my daughter, I wouldn't believe you if you said the grass was green.

Adam: Just settle down. This is all over now.

Krystal: Oh, it's not anywhere near over.

Adam: Why -- why can't you learn one little lesson from your lovely daughter? Hmm? Forgive and forget and move on.

Krystal: Oh, I'm all about moving on -- J.R. moving on out of here. You know, I had your bag all packed. Your dad tried to stop me. So what's a girl to do, huh?

Adam: Not break my neck!

Krystal: That was a double elbow drop -- perfectly legal. You got to keep an eye on him, this one. He plays dirty, just like his son.

J.R.: Look, I got no bottles of scotch or flasks!

Krystal: Yeah? Packing any heat, huh? Carrying a knife?

Babe: No -- Mama, you have got it all wrong.

Krystal: I have spent half of my life dealing with no-life lice who think that drinking makes you sexier and smarter. You give them a bottle of hooch and they think they can do anything -- carry a tune, attempt murder, try to take a good mama's child away.

Babe: Ok! J.R. is not going to do that.

Krystal: Oh, yeah? Pretty promises that don't mean shinola!

Babe: It's not just words, ok? J.R. signed over all of his Chandler shares to me and custody of Little Adam.

Adam: What?

Greg: Where are you? You think this is the way to get to me? You tried to suffocate me, now you're going to drown me? I'll tell you everything you want to know, but please just stop! Stop, please! Can you hear me? You're not even there. Do they even know I'm drowning? Oh, God! God!

Amanda: What are you going to do to Lily?

Nathan: I'm not going to do anything to Lily -- I mean, except love her.

Amanda: Bull! That sweet girl -- you're totally playing her.

Jonathan: No, I'm not. I'm not. I would never do anything to hurt Lily.

Amanda: Shut up, you wacked serial killer! I heard you, ok? I heard you talk to your sister, the one who hid you from the cops. And I've heard the stories, ok, so what's the deal? You're going to kidnap Lily? You're going to leave her in some cave?

Jonathan: No! I would never --

Amanda: Oh, my God. You have been gaming her all along, all of us. Why? What kind of freak are u?

Jonathan: No, Amanda! Listen to me, please, ok? It's not a game. I didn't plan it, I didn't invent it, ok? It's not a game. Amanda, I didn't want it to have to be this way. I -- listen to me.

Amanda: Lily needs to know. Lily has got to know now --

Jonathan: No.

Amanda: Before you do something crazy.

Jonathan: Amanda -- Amanda, no!

Zach: I care for Dixie. That's grounds for calling it quits?

Kendall: In the past? Absolutely.

Zach: How about in the present?

Kendall: I am trying, Zach. I really, really am. I am, but I can't pretend to be what I'm not.

Zach: I don't expect you to.

Kendall: Ok, well, then what do you expect me to do? You want me to -- to blow you a kiss and smile at you and wave when you -- every time you rush off to rescue Dixie? I'm supposed to be all evolved and cool with it? Well, I'm not.

Zach: A friend of mine needs help.

Kendall: Yes, a very female friend who needs a lot of help all the time. When I was in kindergarten, do you know what my teacher wrote on my report card?

Zach: No. What?

Kendall: "Doesn't share well with others."

Zach: Hmm.

Kendall: Hmm. Well, nothing's changed. I love you. I don't want to share you. I don't want you to care for another woman.

Dixie: I know what you're doing, and you don't care?

David: What I'm doing is caring. Look, Dixie, whatever you want, whatever you need, just tell me. I'll do it.

Dixie: Look, you brought me here to find Kate. You said everything that I need to hear. You've made me feel. You've been so warm, so caring, so completely --

David: What? Not me?

Dixie: Not you. And I have been so frazzled, and you're just right here to scoop me up. You wouldn't be trying to take advantage of me, now, would you?

David: Now, that would definitely be me. But you've got it all turned around, Dixie. You're the one taking advantage of me.

Dixie: Oh. Me? Hmm. I'm taking advantage of you?

David: Yeah, that's right. You know how I feel about you. You know that I would do anything for you. Wag your finger, and I'm there. Tears in your eyes -- forget it, I'm a goner. Just say the word, everything and anything just goes flying right out of my head, except the desire make you happy. I'm completely at your mercy.

Dixie: Oh, I don't know about that. I don't think you've been at anybody's mercy in your life.

David: That's true -- until you.

[Knock on door]

David: Who is it?

Man: Room service.

Dixie: Oh, I didn't know you ordered food.

David: Wait, they don't have room service here.

J.R.: All right, all right, back off, ok?

Adam: Son, just tell me you didn't sign your life away -- and part of mine.

J.R.: Look, if I screw up, Babe deserves the money and Little Adam.

Krystal: And this paperwork is -- is for real, you've seen it?

Babe: Held it with my very own hands.

Krystal: Well, then what are we waiting for? Let's grab our toothbrushes and beat it out of here -- you, me, and Little A.

Adam: Don't be absurd.

Krystal: Kennebunkport -- what do you think? I've never been there.

Babe: We are not going anywhere.

Krystal: Babe, do not let J.R. sucker you into another heartache.

J.R.: Krystal, I'm on the level. My shares of Chandler, custody of Little A -- if I blow it again, it's all Babe’s.

Adam: Please tell me you signed nothing, just one of those things you tell women to settle them down?

Krystal: You want to go another round?

J.R.: It's a done deal. The papers are signed, sealed, and notarized.

Adam: It's not too late to burn them.

J.R.: They're in a safety-deposit box with Babe’s name on it.

Krystal: Oh, good Lord. Babe, we have got to get you out of here. Your life is in more danger than ever.

Kendall: I am trying like hell to keep my mouth shut right now, I really am. I have the attack all ready to go. I have it practiced and perfected. I've done it my entire life throughout the years. It's -- it's who I am! Ok. Tad says "Dixie’s in trouble," and what do you do? You're all over it. You're on your phone making phone calls, you're part of the big rescue effort.

Zach: Bothers you, huh?

Kendall: Why do you have to fix every stray who comes along? Why? Why can't you just have normal hobbies like normal men? Like watching birds or collecting stamps or -- I don't know -- something more normal?

Zach: "Normal men"? Yeah.

[Kendall sighs]

Kendall: Yeah, ok, I know that's not you. I know that. I know that someone needs help and you're there -- that's -- that's what you do. Julia. Julia's life was in danger, and all I saw was you not paying attention to me -- and I didn't even like you half as much then as I do now. I'm a bitch. I know, I know, I know. I'm a bitch, I'm a bitch with a bone to pick, and that's just who I am, but I don't want to be like that anymore, Zach. I have you and I have Spike and I have this whole wonderful life, and -- and I feel like I'm in high school again. I do, I -- I feel like I'm in high school. I mean, I see Dixie, I hear her name, I -- I sense her around me, and all I want to do is I want to -- I want to slam her head in the locker and I want to pour blood over her head at the dance and I want to key her car. Do you see this? You see this? This is not funny! This is every fiber of my being fighting to stop what everything inside me is dying to do!

Zach: Which is what?

Kendall: Make you swear you will never see Dixie again, or I will walk out on you, me, and us.

Dixie: What are you doing here?

Tad: Listen, I'm -- uh -- obviously sorry to interrupt, but I heard you got this hot le on Kate and you were too busy to call and let me know.

David: Why bother? You haven't been much help so far.

Tad: Well, I'm here now and I would love to help. So what have you got?

David: It's under control, Martin. You can leave now.

Dixie: It's a couple in Scarsdale. They knew Madden. They adopted a little girl. Could be Kate.

Tad: I may owe you on this one, Hayward.

David: Don't mention it.

Dixie: Ok, here's their name, address, and phone number. We were going to go tonight, but it's late, so we're going to go first thing in the morning.

Tad: No. Are you kidding? Something this hot, waiting after all these years? Forget it. I say screw waiting. Let's get Mr. and Mrs. Silverstone on the phone right now.

David: Wait a minute, is this a joke? Do you realize what time it is? Put the phone down, Martin.

Tad: Yes -- um -- hi. Is this a -- a Mrs. Silverstone? Um -- my name is Tad Martin and I'm calling from Pine Valley, and you don't know me, but -- uh -- I know it's late, but this is very, very important. Um -- you're acquainted with a Dr. Greg Madden and you adopted a baby girl through him? You did? Terrific. Do you mind me asking how old she is? Oh. Really? Ah, I see. Well, when -- when was this? Uh-huh. No, it's quite all right. You've been most helpful and I am sorry for the intrusion. Good night.

Dixie: What? What is it? It's bad news -- what is it?

Tad: Their daughter's too old to be Kate. But what really ticked her off was she'd already given this information to one Dr. David Hayward.

Dixie: Is that true?

David: Just get the hell out.

Tad: Another classic Hayward move gone desperately wrong. Don't they all.

Dixie: So you lied?

Tad: You're surprised?

David: No, I did not lie. But yes, I did speak with Mrs. Silverstone.

Dixie: Their daughter's too old.

David: We have to follow every single lead that we get, no matter how small or unlikely. I wanted us to see this little girl up close, make sure that we weren't being played.

Tad: Excuse me. In terms of "being played," you weren't counting on getting something a little extra, right?

David: You know, how dare you come here and judge me. I mean, didn't you follow a name on a piece of paper that dumped you in the middle of nowhere? You had to start a fire to get rescued. Now, how do we know that this isn't another one of Madden’s scams? He could've gotten to these people and convinced them to lie. Another way to shut us down.

Tad: I checked out the Silverstones, ok? There was no way their daughter could've been Kate. No doubt about it, and you knew it, which means you lured Dixie here.

David: I did not lure her anywhere.

Tad: You jacked up her hopes, you played on her vulnerabilities just so you could score points.

David: We needed to see this little girl ourselves.

Tad: You played this just so you could get her alone!

Dixie: Oh, my God, Tad, would you stop? You're obviously just as much a player as David is. I mean, you walked in here pretending that you didn't know anything about the Silverstones. What was that about? What game are you playing?

Adam: What has gotten into you? Have you thought through this at all?

J.R.: Look, you saw Babe in court, ok? She saved my life. The only reason why I have another chance with my family is because of Babe.

Adam: Fine. Buy her a diamond necklace, take her to Fiji.

J.R.: I want her to feel safe. I want her to know that it's -- that it's real, that she can trust me.

Adam: Oh -- tell me that there is a worm in this contract, something that'll make it invalid.

J.R.: It's not going to work, Dad. I know that you love me, but your years of mentoring me over the edge are gone. I'm going to handle this my way.

Krystal: Those papers give you everything and leave J.R. with less than nada. Yeah, right now he's feeling grateful because he knows if you hadn't stepped up, he'd be hanging curtains in jail for his cellmate. He owes you big and he's making lots of noise about paying up.

Babe: He doesn't owe me, he wants to do it.

Krystal: You fast-forward a month or so, and J.R., true to form, is back to his old self, and what does he see? Huh? He has no shares of the family company, he has no rights to his son, you have everything. J.R. -- not so happy, not so grateful.

Babe: That's not going to happen. It's different this time.

Krystal: Oh, yeah? And then meanwhile, his father is working on him like water torture -- drip, drip, drip. J.R. cannot stand up to that kind of pressure.

Babe: Ok, fine. Fine. Say we go with the whole doomsday thing, and if it happens -- which it won't -- I'm going to have everything and my son.

Krystal: Yeah, sure you will -- unless he kills you.

Jonathan: Amanda, hold on --

Amanda: Let go of me, let me go!

Jonathan: Please, hold on a second. Please, you have to --

Amanda: Yeah, I heard all I need to hear, ok? I won't let you do this. I will not let you hurt Lily.

Jonathan: Hurt -- Amanda, you're going to hurt h. You're going to -- you're going to kill her if you tell her about me.

Amanda: You -- I should jam the cops on you for impersonating a -- I don't know what, but there's got to be something illegal here.

Jonathan: Amanda, listen to me, having --

Amanda: Don't --

Jonathan: Ok, after the tumor was removed, I was exactly what you saw. My brain wasn't working right. And then I got into a fight, I hit my head, and then the headaches came. After that, the seizure, which you saw. You remember it. When that was over, I was just -- I don't know. I -- I was back to the w I used to be.

Amanda: A serial killer!

Jonathan: Amanda, that was because of the tumor, ok? I am not a threat to anyone.

Amanda: And the dish ran away with the spoon. You're busted. Deal with it.

Jonathan: Amanda, no, please, I love her. I love her so much. I will do anything for her. I will be anyone for her, even if that means I have to pretend to be the man that I was when we fell in love.

Amanda: All that love? Just tell her the truth.

Jonathan: I can't do that. Amanda, she -- she needs m to be simple Jonathan, that she depends on.

Amanda: You've got to be kidding me. Ok, why in the heck would she want you to lie about that?

Jonathan: Amanda, you know how it is to feel that no one understands you. You know how it is to feel different. Yeah, you walk into a room and everyone sees your mom. Lily walks into a room, and everyone sees the autistic girl. Everyone sees the oddball that does calculus in her head but can't be touched.

Amanda: You really feel so bad about the way Lily is treated? You can do so much more now to help her. Why aren't you protecting her from all those clowns who don't care?

Jonathan: I -- I do protect her. Lily feels safe with me, but she feels safe with the Jonathan she knows. The Jonathan that knows what it's like to be her, the one w knows those feelings, the ones -- the one that is her equal, Amanda. That's why we work.

Amanda: But that Jonathan doesn't exist anymore.

Jonathan: Amanda, before my seizure, there were things I couldn't do. Lily did them for me, and it made her feel -- made her feel needed. Made her feel valuable. And gave her confidence. We filled in the missing pieces for each other -- we still can, and that's what makes our love what it is. Now, if I have to tell her I'm normal, then Lily’s alone again. Amanda, I won't let that happen.

Lily: Jonathan? Amanda, you were really loud. I could hear you all the way out in the car. Were you having a fight?

Kendall: Hello? This is where you're supposed to stop me and you're supposed to tell me that I'm acting like a child, I'm being ridiculous, and to grow up and behave.

Zach: I'm not telling you what to do and I'm not telling you to stop.

Kendall: I don't want s us up.

Zach: You're not.

Kendall: This is stupid. It is, I know. I know that you don't want her, I know there's nothing going on. I just -- I need -- ok, that's the wrong word. I want all of your attention. Not half the time, all of the time, 24/7. Me -- round-the-clock. All about me, all the time. Oh, God, that -- that's pathetic. That's -- that's needy, pathetic, high school Kendall, isn't it?

Zach: No, your feelings are real.

Kendall: Yeah, and they're all over the place, too. Because, as much as I want you all to myself, I can't hate Dixie. She's desperate. I mean, Madden stole her little girl and he almost took Spike, and if he had, I would do anything to find my child, whatever it took. So I can't -- I can't really blame Dixie for reaching out to you, and I can't blame you for helping her. So I guess it's time to grow up.

Zach: Give me your hand. Please.

Kendall: My engagement ring has been working just fine.

Zach: Better than "fine." I love you.

Kendall: Wait.

Zach: Is there a problem?

Kendall: Always only you. It's -- that's weird. It's like you knew we were going to be right here in this moment, having this conversation. I would be saying these things and feeling these feelings right in this place. How -- how do you do that?

Zach: That's easy. I love you. With this ring, I thee wed.

Kendall: And, Zach, with this ring, I thee wed.

Dixie: You must've rehearsed your little innocent act all the way up here.

Tad: I wanted to help you.

Dixie: Oh. That's so -- you wanted to cut down David. You found out about the Silverstones and you just couldn't wait, could you? You couldn't resist. You had to sink your teeth into him, shake him around, make him look bad.

Tad: He does that all by himself.

Dixie: You had to grandstand.

Tad: If I'm going to play with a snake, I'm going to play by the snake's rules. I'm not going to wait for him to come up with some squishy story so he can slime his way out of this one.

David: This was a legitimate lead.

Tad: Oh, would you stop it? The jig is up, ok? You got busted, admit it.

David: I gave you my word that I would do anything and everything to find Kate. Now, this lead didn't pan out? Fine.

Tad: The way you wanted it.

David: But we will find your little girl, and nothing is going to stop me, Dixie. That is a promise, not a game.

Tad: And every lead, a chance to get lucky.

Dixie: Oh, shut up, Tad.

Tad: Look, I don't care what you do with him. I don't care what you do with the information I just gave you. But the fact is when a dirtbag like David Hayward uses our daughter as bait to get you where he wants you, it tends to tick me off. I take it we're done here. You want a ride back to Pine Valley, I'll give you one.

Dixie: You know what? I'm not going anywhere with you, Tad. But I definitely have something to say.

Lily: If it was a fight, you can agree to disagree, because we're all friends here.

Amanda: I do disagree.

Lily: Well, it's ok. Just -- just remember that you all are friends. Jonathan taught me that. I used to think that if I didn't agree with someone, that I didn't like them and they couldn't be my friend. But that's not true. And when I disagreed with my father, I thought it was because I didn't like him. But that's not true. I just didn't like what he said. Doesn't mean I don't love him. Jonathan and I, we agree to disagree all the time, and we love each other very much. Isn't that great?

Amanda: Yeah, it's great.

Lily: You don't look happy. Is there something wrong?

Jonathan: Ama -- Amanda is just sorry that she missed our picnic. But that's ok because -- because we can go again tomorrow, just the three of us.

Lily: No, we can't, remember? We have our life skills class at 9:00? And then at 10:30, I have a meeting with the admissions counselor to go over the applications for MIT and scholarships. And then at 11:00, you have an appointment at the Chicken Shack -- not the one on Delacey, the one on Green Street.

Amanda: You're going to work at the Chicken Shack?

Jonathan: Yeah -- hmm, if they'll have me.

Lily: I have to help Jonathan prepare for the job application. There's some things that he can't do very well or remember -- like times, locations, and numbers -- and I help him with that. But he helps me a lot, too. He helps me be not afraid of thunder and noise and nightmares. That's why we're made for each other. Aidan calls it "destiny." Jonathan's my destiny.

Amanda: Well, I can't think of two people who were more made for each other.

Jonathan: Thank you.

Greg: Let me out!



Greg: Oh, thank you. Thank you. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you! I'll tell you everything you want to know. Thank you so much. Ahh... vacation at last.

Babe: I get that you're worried about me, and I appreciate it, but somehow, you jump straight to the worst possible thing that could happen.

Krystal: J.R. took that leap for me. The only thing worse than what he did would be if you were actually underneath that rubble. I -- I just wish you would let him serve his time. He's free. Now you have to sleep with both eyes open even with him in the guest room.

Babe: Yes, J.R. did do a terrible thing, but you don't know what's in his heart.

Krystal: Neither do you.

J.R.: I'm with Krystal on this one. I drugged you, I lied to you, I -- I tried to kill you. It's zero reason for you to trust me. You, either.

Krystal: Thank you. Babe, pack your bag.

J.R.: You don't have to leave.

Krystal: Oh, that's right. You're -- you're still packed, aren't you?

Adam: My son isn't going anywhere.

J.R.: You think those -- those papers put Babe’s life in danger? You want her to be safe? There's a real simple solution.

Krystal: Yeah. Put a few zip codes between us and you.

J.R.: I love your daughter, Krystal. I'm not a threat. But you know what? Don't -- don't trust me. Don't take it from me.

Krystal: Oh, as if.

J.R.: I'll prove it to you.

Adam: This has been a very emotional night, so why don't we sleep on it and face it in the morning when we're fresh?

J.R.: No, no, we'll settle it tonight. We'll draw up a will for Babe -- all your Chandler stock can go to your mom. Or a charity.

Adam: J.R., soup kitchens with a vote to the family Chandler business?

J.R.: And custody of Little Adam can go to your mom. Whatever it takes for you to both know that you have nothing to worry about from me. Or my father.

[Music plays]

Singer: I kinda thought that I'd be better off by myself I've never been so wrong before you made it impossible for me to ever love somebody else and now I don't know what I left you for see, I thought that I could replace you he can't love me the way you do till now I never knew, baby

Singers: I'm spoiled by your love, boy no matter how I try to change my mind what's the point? It's just a waste of time I'm spoiled by your touch, boy the love you give is just too hard to fight don't want to live without you in my life I'm spoiled

Amanda: Burgers it is. And maybe Jonathan can explain how not to be afraid of thunder to me.

Lily: Ok.

Jonathan: Thank you. Thank you for not saying anything.

Amanda: For now. But if you do anything to hurt Lily -- I don't care how tiny it is -- I will scream the truth from the top of my lungs, after I take you apart myself.

Jonathan: Won't happen. I would never hurt Lily.

Greg: Thank you. Thank you. Thank God. Out of that hellhole.

Disguised voice: Why don't you thank me properly? Where's Kate?

Greg: Never. Never! Now that I'm out of there. I'm free! You will never find Kate. Never!

Dixie: Tad, I know who David is. He can be a class-a jerk, and he's not very good at hiding it. But one thing that I can count on David for is that he is always out for David.

Tad: Doesn't sound like a compliment to me.

Dixie: David accepts me, and I accept David. He doesn't judge me. He doesn't expect me to be something that I'm not.

Tad: I wasn't judging you.

Dixie: You constantly judge me, Tad. David gets it. He gets what it's like to screw up because he screws up all the time. He's not some self-righteous jerk who thinks I'm a sinner that can't be saved.

David: Now, that sounds like a compliment.

Tad: Shut up. He got you here under false pretense. That doesn't upset you?

Dixie: He did the wrong thing. But he did it for the right reasons. You did the "right thing" for the wrong reasons.

David: Looks like you're going home alone.

Dixie: He's not the only one.

David: Wait a minute. Dixie?

[David sighs]

Tad: Is it just me, or is everybody around here gone crazy?

David: Is that a rhetorical question? Just get the hell out.

Krystal: Babe, I suggest you lock your bedroom door and your windows until this will is finalized.

Adam: Well, I'm sure you're happy. This is what you've been after from the very beginning, isn't it? Your daughter hit the mother lode.

Krystal: Oh, would you get over yourself, Adam? Your son is still here. He's not on the street, he's not in jail, where he should be. Why don't you high-five yourself, huh? You might as well. You're definitely going to be sleeping by yourself.

Adam: Why the hell do they even have the part "love, honor, and obey"?

[While the music plays, Zach and Kendall make passionate love.]

Singer: I'm spoiled I'm spoiled

Singers: By your love

Singer: Oh, yeah, yeah

Singers: Boy

Singer: No matter how I try to change my mind what's the point what's the point of trying?

Singers: I'm spoiled

Singer: I feel spoiled

Singers: By your touch

Singer: Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Singers: The love you give is just too hard to fight

Singer: Too hard to fight too hard to fight

Singers: Oh, oh, oh

Singer: Mmm, mmm, mmm

Singers: Oh, oh, oh

Singer: I've been spoiled yeah, yeah

Singers: Oh, oh, oh

Singer: Mmm

Singers: Oh, oh, oh

>> On the next "All My Children" --

J.R.: Are you ready to give up Fusion?

Babe: No way. Kendall is not winning.

Zach: You could have told me you asked my wife to testify.

Livia: I didn't, she insisted.

Ryan: Do you think Spike looks like me?

Julia: Who else would he -- I can do the test if you want to know for sure.

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