All My Children Transcript Thursday 1/12/06
Provided By Boo
Proofread by Gisele
[Surf crashes outside as Babe fingers the hair on J.R.’s chest.]
Babe: The sun is gorgeous, Winnie’s got Little A by the pool, and Bruno’s keeping them safe and sound. Breakfast is on the way but not here yet. It is a great day to be in Paradise.
J.R.: Is that where we are?
Babe: Do you need more proof?
J.R.: You know, why don't you do me a favor and slap me instead?
Babe: Well, then, this is not exactly what I was looking forward to.
J.R.: Well, one of us has to come back to reality.
Babe: What the heck is wrong with you?
J.R.: If you think this is going to work, you're dreaming. And it's way past time to wake up.
Erin: Be careful. You know, I might put the word out to your PI and Special Ops friends -- Devane baits his hooks with candy instead of worms.
Aidan: And this is coming from the girl that caught an anchovy and instantly set him free. I saw you mangle that worm. No, but it never occurred to me that you were the crunchy granola, "I brake for whales" type.
Aidan: Why don't you tell me -- what is your favorite sprouts and soybeans recipe?
Erin: Oh, I'm sorry, but I am a card-carrying carnivore. Many thanks to the meat packers and fish mongers and everybody else who does the icky stuff for me.
Aidan: Well, I'm glad to hear it. That way I don't have to fish out the only vegan restaurant in Pine Valley if I ask you to dinner. What would you like to eat tonight? Filet mignon, barbecue, or hotdog on a twig?
Erin: Well, Jonathan's class is over soon. Why don't we let him decide?
Jonathan: If I stand far enough away from people, will they stop being scared of me?
Julia: Well, studies have shown that people are most comfortable with two to three feet of personal space.
Jonathan: I don't -- I don think that's far enough for people near me.
Julia: Well, the expression that somebody has on their face or the way they hold their arms or cross their legs can let you know if you've crossed their personal boundaries. Yes.
Lily: How do you think I should hold my legs and my arms and my face to let boys know that I don't want to have sex?
Ryan: So is this why you invited me here? To play darts?
Ethan: Actually, I invited you for something much more exciting. An offer you can't refuse.
[Zach hands Kendall a single beautiful white rose.]
Zach: It's a start.
Kendall: It's beautiful. But we should put it in some water so it doesn't wilt.
Zach: That's ok. I'll get you out of here in no time.
Kendall: Ah -- perfect. I'm completely done with this place. Well, at least until this little one is ready to show up.
Zach: Well, I don't know. We could hang for a little bit. This is our place.
Kendall: "Our place" -- what, are you sniffing too many roses?
Zach: No, you, me, after the fire in here, you know?
Kendall: I didn't think you came, but you did.
Zach: Mm-hmm. And then I came back, but I didn't bring you flowers or no declarations of affection.
Kendall: All I wanted you to do was to admit what you said to me when I was sleeping.
Zach: Mm-hmm. What did I say to you? I love you. That was it. And I'll keep saying it as long as you want to hear it. I love you.
Kendall: Mmm. I love you. And I heard you. But I also heard Dr. Madden. And he said that we can't make love. So where does that leave us?
Lily: "I have Autism Spectrum Disorder, and I prefer not to be touched." That's what I have to tell people when they try to shake my hand. But with some people, I can do a kiss on the cheek. And, like, my dad -- I can give him a hug. Just not too long and not too tight.
Julia: I bet that makes him very happy.
Lily: Yeah. And it made my ex-boyfriend happy, too, because I let him kiss me on the mouth. Except for one time. Even though he knew about my disorder, he used his tongue. And it made me uncomfortable. And I need to know the body language I should use that says that I don't want to be kissed like that, and I don't want my shirt to be unbuttoned, and I don't want him to think it's weird that I don't want to have sex.
Jonathan: You're not weird, Lily. You're different. But not bad different, good different.
Julia: Jonathan's right. Just because you don't want to be touched doesn't mean you're weird, Lily. And a lot of young people are not ready to have sex, even if they think they are.
Lily: I've analyzed all the data. And I've never wanted to have sex. That's always been a constant. And I don't know what would change that would make me suddenly want to. So therefore, I think it's very likely that I'll never get married, like normal people. Will I?
Jonathan: I've had sex lots of times, and it was fun. Well, it was for me at least.
Julia: That was a very honest statement. And next, maybe we should talk about what information we should share and with whom we should share it.
Jonathan: Lily, sex didn't make me normal or like everyone else. And it didn't fix what was wrong in my life.
Aidan: So I take "let Jonathan pick the restaurant" translates to "go peddle your dinner invitation somewhere else."
Erin: Ooh. You know, I thought it was just your accent, but we've got a serious language barrier here.
Aidan: "Shove off." Is that closer to the mark?
Erin: I don't date, not in the traditional sense.
Aidan: Really? Traditional? Is that code for "heterosexual"?
Erin: Meaning what? Meaning am I into girls? No. Not like that.
Aidan: So then -- the problem with me and dinner is -- is what?
Erin: There can't be three of us at a table.
Aidan: But inviting your brother along was your idea.
Erin: No, no, no, no. Not that three. The other three -- you, me, and the expectations of anything couplish. I just -- I don't do that.
Aidan: Well, that seems a bit extreme, but fair enough.
Erin: So, it's up to you now. Do you still want to take me out for dinner, or would you rather not waste your time?
Zach: No sex, huh?
Kendall: Yeah. Not for a while. Maybe not until the baby is born.
Zach: Well, that's a while.
Kendall: Yeah, that's a long, long while.
Zach: Yeah. Ahem.
Kendall: Yeah. Yeah. We had the most glorious, amazing slow burn of all time. I mean, the romance and the flowers and the balloons and us -- the whole thing. And -- and we were this close to finally --
Zach: I was there. I remember. But, you know, things change.
Kendall: Well, you must be disappointed.
Zach: Yeah, well, a man has needs. And a man in love has big needs.
Kendall: Yes. Well, so does a woman, believe me. But when I -- I realized that I could miscarry this child, I knew that I -- that I had to carry to term. I don't know how it happened, but somehow, this baby has taken on a whole new importance.
Zach: Well, we'll just have to blow out the candles for a while and imagine what could have been. The things I would do --
Kendall: All right, ok, well, that's nice, great.
Zach: I guess the point is, we have made love. Dancing, balloons, wishes, and candles. Hey, we're making love right now.
Kendall: So then no big deal, right? Whew, thank God, because I really -- I didn't want to anyway. Really, I didn't.
Zach: Oh, you'll want to. And I know it's going to be worth waiting for.
Ryan: Kendall has decided to have the baby, and she wants me to stick around, and I will. I will be here for her, and I'll be here for the baby.
Ethan: It's a novel idea. I know a few fathers who aren't familiar with that concept.
Ryan: Including the man that happens to be in love with the mother of my child.
Ethan: Zach claims to be in love with Kendall?
Ryan: Yes, he does. And Kendall claims it right back at him. That makes for an interesting situation, don't you think? Me, Kendall, and her ex-husband, the man -- the idiot -- that she happens to be in love with.
Ethan: Hmm. Zach wins again. Kendall's bound to lose. She's been fooled ever since he saved her from the Fusion rooftop. I mean, I saw the look on her face that night -- "my hero."
Ryan: Which is exactly what he's going for.
Ethan: You still think he rigged that bizarre hammock contraption?
Ryan: I mean, if he didn't, he's certainly taking full advantage of it, isn't he? The point is, is that Zach will hurt Kendall. He will.
Ethan: Kendall's all about "prove your love to me." This guy -- I mean, he sits down, he counts his poker chips, he offers the occasional grunt. I mean, come on, one rescue, and she's sold?
Ryan: I don't know. I mean, believe me, whatever charms the guy has that we don't see, the son of a bitch will break her heart.
Ethan: Yeah, that's a given. And she will never see it coming.
Ryan: The very last thing that Kendall needs right now -- Kendall and the baby -- the very last is more stress. I mean, the guy has caused her enough already.
Ethan: I don't seem to remember him doing a lot of favors for you, either.
Ryan: He's just trying to push my buttons, trying to make me take a swing at him, you know, show Kendall that I'm still dangerous. But I'll tell you this. If he does hurt her, I'll prove that he's right.
Ethan: Or we could go the legal route. Could be a lot more fun for us. It'd be a lot more painful for our victim.
Babe: We're in the middle of paradise, it is about 80 degrees outside. Yet, you still find a way to be ice cold to me. What's your problem?
J.R.: You. That was an easy one. Why don't you give me another?
Babe: We're here with the boy that we love, and then, bam -- "Oh, no, things are too good." Got to chicken out. Can't trust Babe, can't just let the good stuff wash over us and soak in. You got to think somehow I'm playing you, I'm gaming you.
J.R.: Well, what's new? When haven't you worked me, Babe?
Babe: If you would pay attention, you could see that I am working the world's hottest swimsuit.
J.R.: Ah, just another way for you to snow me till I figure out your game.
Babe: Oh. Why don't I even do it? Why do I even treat you like a human?
J.R.: I don't know, why don't you tell me, Babe? Oh, come on. Two days ago, you were, like, "Well, what the hell? Why don't we try to date?" Now here we are in sunny heaven, pretending like we're some everyday normal couple that hasn't been torn up by stolen babies or brothers who have affairs. What are we even doing here?
Babe: I'm about to give you exactly what you deserve.
J.R.: You going to get Little Adam and split? Or call the cops? Sic them on me for some phony crime? Belt me in the face with a coconut?
Babe: Is that what you think you deserve?
J.R.: Oh, come on, Babe. Just quit the drama and tell me what you're going to do.
Babe: I'm going to book my own room, you paranoid jerk. You really hate yourself that much that that's what you think you deserve? Me walking out with Little A?
J.R.: All right, fine. Fine, I overreacted. But you getting your own room -- how do I know that's not part of your plan?
Babe: Of course. It could have nothing to do with the fact that you hurt my feelings, could it?
J.R.: No. You were there. You had your hand on my chest, I saw you. There was something going on, and it wasn't about feelings.
Babe: That's right. I am the little sex engine that could and will. Oh, give it to me, baby. Has nothing to do with real feelings like love, anger, hope, fear. Do you have any idea what the last few months have been like for me? Being pushed down the stairs, poisoned at Thanksgiving? Drugged, stripped, and set up on New Year's? Oh, and my personal favorite -- we cannot forget Christmas. Finding Little A kidnapped and set up in some nativity scene.
J.R.: He's my son, too. It ripped my guts out to see he was gone.
Babe: And there we go again, back to the only person in this room whose feelings matter. I'm like this little windup toy of yours. "Come here, go to hell."
J.R.: No, that's not what I said. You know, you and this drama -- it never ends, does it?
Babe: You know, for the first time in a while, I woke up this morning, and I wasn't thinking about what is Amanda going to do to us? And I knew that Little Adam was safe. And even just for the slightest moment, things could be peaceful and normal for us, the way that I hoped they could always be.
J.R.: And then Tinkerbell can fly in and sprinkle pixie dust all over us.
Babe: Shut up. You can't talk to me without mocking me, don't talk to me. I'm going to go book my own room, and I'm going to spend the morning on the beach with Little Adam. You can have the afternoons. And maybe -- just maybe, I'll finally look at you when we're on the plane back home.
J.R.: What about breakfast?
Babe: Choke on it.
Opal: I am telling you, the way you charmed that little old lady, that was a sweet sight to behold.
Del: And what about you with that high school boy? You got him to put down his video game and pick up a book.
Opal: Yeah, wasn't that something?
Del: I think I saw him checking out your legs.
Opal: Oh --
Del: I'm serious.
Opal: Oh, what -- what? These old things?
Opal: Oh, it's nothing to get excited about. And neither is pushing this cart. I mean, you being a big fancy writer and all. This must be deadly dull.
Del: No way. I love this stuff.
Opal: You do?
Del: Yeah, I do. Opal, the way you are with people and the way you tell stories -- you have a real gift.
Opal: Oh --
Del: This is exactly what I needed for my book.
Opal: Well, there's loads more where that came from. Listen, you stick with me, honey, and I will tell you stories that will curl your hair.
Del: All right.
Aidan: You know, he was an idiot. The guy that turned you off dating for good.
Erin: No, that guy was a mean-tempered, middle-aged, balding, married son of a --
Aidan: You're talking about your father.
Erin: You got it. Nicely done.
Aidan: Well, I'm a detective. No charge for that one.
Erin: Yeah. Well, watching my parents all those years could kind of put you off dating for good.
Aidan: Looks like Aidan Devane's got a new case on his hands. Pro bono, of course. I'm going to have to gather the necessary information, question the relevant subjects --
Aidan: Starting with you.
Erin: And what is this case?
Aidan: What could convince Erin Lavery to date again?
Erin: Uh-huh. It's a very interesting question, but I'm not sure that there's an answer.
Aidan: Oh, come on. A question without an answer is like peanut butter without jelly, or a hook without a worm.
Erin: What, like a fish without a bicycle? Who knows? Maybe there is something out there that could convince me to date, but no guy I have ever met could figure it out.
Aidan: Well, there's a first time for everything.
Erin: Ah. Except when there's not.
[An orderly finds Joe's shoes.]
Orderly: Found these in the hallway. Do you know who they belong to?
Aidan: I haven't got a clue.
Ethan: You, me -- the two guys Zach tried to destroy running the company that his father created. Look, the company that Zach tried to take to stick it to me?
Ryan: Which is the same reason that he married Kendall. I don't know, the whole partnership thing, I just -- it doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me yet.
Ethan: Zach is going to go ballistic when he hears that you're back on board at Cambias. Come on, the guy's going to come after us with everything he's got.
Ryan: Which is fine by me.
Ethan: And me. Look, at least it's going to take his attention away from Kendall. At best, she's going to see him for the twisted SOB that he really is. Look, that'll leave her free to devote all of her time and energy to the well-being and health of your unborn child.
Ryan: Hey, now, don't do that. Don't pin this on me and the baby, ok? This was all your idea.
Ethan: You'd be rich.
Ryan: Yes, I would. Which really isn't all that horrible in the best of circumstances. But now that I got Jonathan to take care of, I've got a baby on the way -- if I do come back to Cambias --
Ryan: If I do come back to Cambias, it will not be to stick it to Zach to shove in his face.
Ethan: How about for Kendall? How about for Bianca? Cambias needs you. Look, I will have those stuffy guys in suits deal with the board room meetings and the quarterly projections. You -- you handle the hot companies. You work the hot takeovers. I want you to put Cambias on the map. Come on. What's wrong with you? You so busy? You got no life and no job.
Ryan: Hey, easy, ok? I'm in.
Simone: Oh! You make us both so happy!
Ryan: Hey. Wow. You actually like this idea?
Simone: I love it! Ok, so we don't have a date set. Nor do we even know if it's going to be morning suit or black tie or tails. Oh, we could go Hawaiian. Aloha shirts and leis. Just an idea.
Simone: I promised I am not going to be a bridezilla. Ethan, you and your best man, which, of course, is you, can call 50% of the shots.
Ethan: Simone and I are getting married.
Ryan: You know, I should have known. Look at you. You're -- you're, like, glowing.
Simone: I am, aren't I?
Ryan: Yeah, you are.
Simone: I want to package it for Fusion. The fiancée face. Wait. Ethan didn't tell you about the wedding? Well, then if you didn't say yes about the best man duty, what did you say yes to?
Student: Is there a handout for marriage and sex, please?
Julia: No. Sorry, I don't have one.
Lily: Well, the rules are easy. But they're hard to understand. Rule number one is you fall in love. And rule number two is you get married. Rule number three -- you have sex. Rule number four -- you have a baby. But those don't have to go in that order. They can get -- be mixed up. And rule number five and six -- no one really ever talks about those. They kind of contradict all the other rules. Five is you fall out of love, and six is you get a divorce.
Julia: Well, not all marriages end in divorce.
Lily: One in two. That's a very good chance. If it was a 50% chance of rain, I would not take a walk.
Jonathan: You could take an umbrella.
Lily: That doesn't sound like very much fun.
Julia: Some people get married and stay in love their whole life.
Lily: And some people get divorced and then fall in love. Like my sister, Kendall, and her ex-husband, Zach Slater.
Jonathan: And some people have babies even when they're not in love or married. Like my brother Ryan and Lily's sister, Kendall. Ryan's in love with Greenlee and Kendall's in love with Zach, like Lily said.
Student: I don't understand. I'd really like a handout, please. Can you make one?
Julia: Yeah, it'd be a whole lot easier, wouldn't it?
Lily: Does anyone follow the rules?
Julia: Well, the rules are more flexible than they used to be. And sometimes people just follow their hearts.
Zach: There you go. Now, you got a 10:00 a.m. with Tina and an 11:30 prenatal yoga. It's going to be a lot easier once you move to the casino.
Kendall: Well, that's all insanely loving and very, very sweet, but none of that's happening. This isn't working for me.
Zach: That's a nice try, but you can't resist me.
Kendall: Of course I can't resist you, but you didn't offer me you. You offered me hovering at the casino 24/7.
Zach: The doctor said to take it easy.
Kendall: Yes, easy, not bed rest. My place, in my home, with my things and my normal pregnant life.
Zach: All right. Well, I can move all the pregnant normal life condo stuff into the casino. I'll redecorate.
Kendall: Oh, come on, Zach. You don't understand the meaning of the word "no," do you? No, obviously not. Two months ago, I had a best friend, I had a business marriage, and I was carrying someone else's child. Now, I've lost Greenlee, I can't make love to the man that I'm in love with. And even more mind-blowing, I'm -- I'm now having my baby.
Zach: I want to help that blown mind of yours.
Kendall: Please, can we just not change things? No transitions, no shifts in the planetary alignment. Let's just please leave things as they are.
Ryan: It's a minor change. Minor.
Simone: You two running Cambias together so that you can drive your father crazy.
Ethan: No, this is -- this is something we're doing for the health and well-being of your friend and partner, Kendall.
Simone: Hmm. Mm-hmm. Right, so that Zach can either neglect and/or annoy her to the point of her dumping his rump -- for her own good.
Ryan: I want to keep Kendall and the baby safe. The whole money and power thing is like fringe benefits.
Simone: Ok, can we, like, slow down, back up --
Ryan: Talk about the wedding -- absolutely. We should talk about the wedding.
Simone: Ryan, I am so glad that you're going to be best man to my fiancé, who promised me that he was done trying to beat, change, or in any way get the attention of his father.
Ethan: The man can go to hell for all I care. I don't give a damn about him.
Julia: Well, I wish I had all the answers. Why something works for one person and not for another. Why one minute we could be laughing and the next minute, you're crying.
Jonathan: But you're the teacher. Lily needs answers. We all do. Isn't there a -- a book or something that we can read?
Julia: I wish there were, for all of us.
Lily: Jonathan says he's had sex lots of times. How many is "lots"?
Jonathan: I never counted.
Julia: Ok, I think that's probably enough for today. But I do know one thing -- that you all are doing a great job. You're all more comfortable with me and with each other and with sharing your thoughts and feelings. So big gold star for today. Now, homework -- be brave. Say something you might not normally say to somebody you might not normally say it to. And remember, be kind, be honest, and respect each other's boundaries. Ok, I'll see you next time.
Jonathan: Lily, are you walking home today?
Lily: No, my dad's coming to pick me up. I think he should be here pretty soon.
Jonathan: Will you be my girlfriend?
Anita: Long time no see.
Aidan: Well, California agreed with you. You look good. Did you get my messages?
Anita: I know, I didn't -- I didn't return any of your calls. It's -- it's lame. I just -- I didn't know what to say.
Aidan: How about -- um -- "Happy Thanksgiving? Merry Christmas? Happy New Year"? Or you could start with "Hello." Unless you have something else to say.
Del: Excuse me. Have you seen a tall, red-headed woman pushing a book cart?
Erin: No, I haven't, I'm sorry.
Del: Did I just get ditched?
Babe: Big scoops. Sandcastle time.
Little Adam: Big.
Babe: Big muscles. Yeah!
[Little Adam babbles]
Babe: Yep, you're making a sandcastle. Put it in there.
J.R.: Your breakfast, madam?
Babe: It's "Miss." I'm extremely single. More single than you can imagine. Big scoop. Yay! You're in our sun, if you wouldn't mind moving, please.
J.R.: Babe, I was a jack--
Babe: Shh. Excuse you. Child present.
J.R.: I was an a-s-s, ok?
Babe: Little man, do you think you could tell Daddy what a great time we're having making our sandcastle, and he can come back later?
J.R.: Little man, can you tell Mommy that I spent a fortune on the one resort that's not jammed with trophy wives and balding husbands on its own private beach? And Daddy wants to play now.
Babe: You know, you should also warn Daddy that the sand and the sun -- it really amps up Mommy’s womanly mojo. And that he better be careful and not get too close, because I could suck him in again against his will.
J.R.: Do you know how you exist, little man? Because of Mommy’s womanly mojo. How cool is that?
Anita: After everything with Bobby, I -- I just -- I never thought I would trust another guy again or even want to. And you changed that. You made me laugh.
Aidan: Well, you deserved it. You got involved with a bad man, had a bad marriage. That's not your fault.
Anita: I know. I was just -- I was so worried about being good a the time, I forgot how to be myself. And -- and you reminded me how. And I will always be grateful for that. But when I met you, I just -- I wasn't ready.
Aidan: So the ship's passed, has it?
Anita: For both of us, I think.
Aidan: You know, Bobby really is -- was an idiot. And the next boyfriend that you have -- that guy is going to be luckier than he deserves.
Anita: Right back at you.
Aidan: Well, except for the guy part, right?
Anita: You have helped me through so many tough times. And now you helped me through "the talk." Thank you, Aidan, for understanding. For just everything.
Aidan: Happy New Year.
Anita: Happy New Year.
Aidan: Wow, you're back.
Erin: I'm an idiot.
Aidan: Did I miss something?
Erin: No. No, no, no, no, no. You had a front-row seat. Yeah, I put on a big show. I went off and I proved that I am a blathering egomaniac who has no idea when to shut up.
Aidan: I'm sorry, I don't understand.
Erin: Yeah, well, neither did I. Now I do. You know, next time, I'm not going to wait out here for Jonathan's Life Skills class to be done, I'm going to go in with him and see if I can learn a few things.
Jonathan: I understand if you don't want to be my girlfriend.
Lily: Well, I don't think I would make a very good girlfriend. I wouldn't recommend myself as a viable choice.
Jonathan: Why not?
Lily: Well, I wanted to be Aidan’s girlfriend. And I thought I was, but I wasn't. And then I wanted to be Sam’s girlfriend, and then I didn't. I'm just not a good girlfriend.
Jonathan: But you'd be perfect for me. I know it.
Jonathan: You're beautiful. And you're smart. And you know so many interesting things and so many big, complicated words. And you didn't mind falling down to learn to skate. And you didn't listen to what everybody said about me. You made up your mind all for yourself.
Lily: I knew you when you were scary, and now that you're not.
Jonathan: You're brave, you're honest, and you're beautiful.
Lily: You said "beautiful" twice. But that's ok. I don't know how this could work out.
Jonathan: I -- I know, Lily, that you don't like to be touched. I'm just happy when I can look at your hair. So that part's ok with me.
Lily: But boyfriends and girlfriends spend time with each other and go on dates. And my dad doesn't want me anywhere near you. So I don't know how we could see each other. Go. Go hide. Go hide behind the door, quick.
Jack: Hey, you ready to go, sweetheart? Honey, are you ok?
Lily: Yes, I'm -- I'm well. How are you? Thank you.
Jack: Oh, I'm -- I'm fine. Thanks for asking. Are you ready to go?
Lily: Well, actually, a classmate has a question that they'd like me to answer. And then I'll catch the bus home and be home within the next hour. Is that ok?
Jack: Is it ok for you to stay and talk to a classmate? Yeah, I think that's -- I think that's great. I'm thrilled that you're making friends. I mean, after the past few months, you know, I -- more than anything, I want you to be happy.
Lily: I want me to be happy, too.
Jack: Ok, then, we agree. So I'll see you at home, ok?
Jack: Be careful.
Lily: All right.
Jack: All right. Good-bye.
Lily: Bye, Dad.
Jonathan: I thought I did something wrong.
Jonathan: Yes, I did?
Lily: No, yes, I'll be your girlfriend.
Jonathan: But, Lily, what -- what about your father?
Lily: Oh -- my father said that he wants me to be happy more than anything, which implies that he wants me to be happy more than he doesn't want me to be around you.
Jonathan: Yeah, but, Lily, he doesn't like me.
Lily: Well, Erica doesn't like Kendall's boyfriend, Zach. And parents can't choose their kids' boyfriends or girlfriends anyway.
Jonathan: In the old days, they used to. But -- but like Julia said, things are different now, and everything's become much more flexible.
Lily: And sometimes you have to follow your heart.
Babe: What letter is that, huh?
J.R.: I, as in IPO. Kid's a genius. Call up Yale.
Babe: Maybe we should call Harvard and just let them duke it out, huh?
J.R.: Tell me you didn't book that room.
Babe: It'd be a lie, and we all know how wrong lying is, right?
J.R.: Cancel it.
Babe: I own a part of Fusion. I can pay for my own room.
J.R.: That's fine, you can pay for the whole darn vacation. But cancel it.
Babe: Why should I?
J.R.: Because I want you to wake up next to me.
[Kendall’s condo is filled with gorgeous fresh flowers.]
Kendall: Oh, my goodness. When did you do all of this? You're amazing.
Zach: I have staff.
Kendall: I love you.
Zach: I love you. Let me get my toothbrush.
Kendall: Wait, wait, hold on. What?
Zach: What? Someone this amazing you want to be around all the time, no?
Kendall: Yes, yes, of course I want to be around you all the time, but around you is one thing. Cohabitation -- that's something else.
Zach: No, I'm going to crash on the couch. That's not cohabitation, that's crashing on the couch. Ask any freshman in college.
Kendall: Ok, your condo is 20 feet away.
Kendall: So why would you want to turn yourself into a human pretzel here on my couch?
Zach: I love you. I want to be as close to you as I possibly can.
Kendall: You don't have to protect me from Ryan.
Zach: I didn't bring up Ryan.
Kendall: You don't trust him.
Zach: You do. That's what worries me.
Kendall: Ryan would never do anything to hurt me.
Zach: No? He had a wife, he had friends. And still, he went off the deep end. Now he has no wife. And his closest friend is his psychotic brother. He may still go off the deep end. Especially now, with you carrying his baby.
Ryan: You know, I haven't been to Hong Kong in a little while.
Ethan: Ok, well, how about you go to Hong Kong and set up some Cambias offices, scout some business prospects?
Ryan: Well, that was -- that -- you're far too good at this, you know that?
Ethan: Yeah, I went to Oxford, mate. Beer, darts, and girls, and -- beer and darts.
Ryan: Beer and darts.
Ethan: Beer and darts.
Simone: Beer, wine, champagne. Maybe an all-white bar. All-white drinks. Very trendy. And no possibility of red wine on my dress. Ooh.
Ryan: I will leave you two to the really important stuff, ok? See you later. And you -- you, seriously, congratulations --
Ryan: On your engagement. I'm really happy for you.
Simone: Thank you for saying yes to the best man. Oh, and by the way -- I lied before when I said that you two have a vote. Yeah -- no. Pick a blue tux, and you're fired. Ok? Bye.
Ryan: You're a very lucky man.
Ethan: Thank you. You know, he's right. I am a very lucky man.
[Simone gasps at the sight of a ring in a little box.]
Simone: Oh -- oh -- oh --
Ethan: Are you ok? Do you like it?
Simone: Oh, my -- is this real? Oh, Ethan -- oh --
Ethan: Whoa --
[Simone laughs as Ethan tries to get on one knee but loses his balance.]
Ethan: Simone, you changed my life. Hair like midnight, and your eyes like moonlight. You brought a joy to my life that I never knew existed. I want to spend the rest of my life trying to do the same for you.
Simone: Oh. That feels good.
[Bending down to kiss Ethan, Simone tugs on his tie and pulls him to the floor with her.]
Erin: It's not like you dropped down on your knee and gave me a ring, you know? You asked me out to dinner, and I, of course, have to take it all wrong and assume that you've got romance on your brain, which -- give you the whole no-dating speech? Well, that was seriously pointless considering you've already got a girlfriend, and obviously aren't even remotely interested in me in that kind of way.
Erin: What? I'm sorry, I was going off again.
Aidan: It's all right. The girl that you saw --
Aidan: Her name's Anita, and she's my ex-girlfriend. And she didn't kick me in the head, and she didn't spit in my face, so that must mean that I'm not half bad, right?
Erin: So then when you asked me out to dinner, it was --
Aidan: The dating kind of dinner. But I stand corrected. And I also respect and understand your dating policy. So don't worry.
Erin: Good, then. Great.
Aidan: But I do reserve the right for a policy change, as long as nobody on the floor objects.
Erin: No. No objections.
Del: Hey, have you seen Opal Cortlandt around?
Orderly: No. Sorry.
Del: Hmm. Opal, where are you?
[After the orderly walks by Opal's discarded shoes, Janet furtively pushes her on a gurney down the hospital hallway.]
>> On the next "All My Children" --
Kendall (to Ryan): I'm having this baby without you.
Greg (to Erica and Jack): It's time I told you a few things about my son.
Amanda (to Josh): No one has to support me.
Josh (to Amanda, about Jamie): Well, it's the least he can do, since he just cost you your job.
Janet (to Jonathan): You have really topped your naughty self this time.
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