AMC Transcript Tuesday 1/3/06

All My Children Transcript Tuesday 1/3/06

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[As "Auld Lang Syne" plays, Krystal stands in the huge cake wearing only a “Happy New Year” banner.]

Adam: Are you out of your mind?

Palmer: Merry Christmas, Adam! Better late than never.

Simone: Am I drunk, or is she naked?

Ethan: You're not drunk.

Amanda: And I thought I was nuts.

Krystal: I know I've had this dream before, but I don't remember being this chilly. Come on, Krystal, wake up. Oh, boy. Wide awake.

[Laughter]

Janet: There's lots more fun where this came from.

Babe: Where -- what the --

J.R.: You skanky little tramp.

Babe: How -- how did I get here?

J.R.: Same way you always do, Babe -- open bed, insert slut.

[In the dark, Tad skulks into Madden's fertility clinic when Di catches him.]

Di: Hey! Get –

Julia: I'm a little out of practice, but I bet you're a phenomenal kisser.

[Erin and Aidan kiss.]

Erin: Ok. That was -- what was that?

Aidan: You guys don't kiss in Canada?

Erin: We do, they do, but I'm not in Canada anymore, so --

Aidan: You know, a kiss isn't always what it seems.

Erin: There are options?

Aidan: Loads. Whatever you and I decide.

Erin: Ah, and do we decide separately?

Aidan: We can. Or together. That's the beauty of a kiss.

[As everyone laughs, Adam removes his jacket for Krystal.]

Brooke: Hello.

Opal: Whoa!

[Krystal exits the cake, removes the banner, and flings it at her husband.]

Krystal: I believe this belongs to you!

Babe: What did you do to me? How did I get here?

J.R.: Your bed buddy Josh probably just said hello. You know, it's embarrassing how easy she is. She walks into a hotel, lands in bed. She just can't help herself. Find a new routine, Babe. This one blows. You did it to me with Bianca, and you did it to Jamie with this jerk.

Josh: You know what, leave me out of your mess. I just live here.

Babe: Yeah, and you took my clothes off, you disgusting pig!

J.R.: Just drop it! Why don't you tell the truth? You got tired of faking the naked-in-bed thing and went back to whoring around for real!

[As fireworks explode above them, Kendall and Zach kiss.]

Kendall: You know this will never work.

Zach: Not a chance in the world.

Kendall: Can I ask you a question?

Julia: New Year's resolution number 1 --

Ryan: Julia "life on the edge" Santos actually makes resolutions?

Julia: "Don't start anything I can't finish." Yeah, sounds like a plan. Care to mock me now?

Ryan: You're far too beautiful to mock, and you're far too intelligent.

Julia: Hey, I did get 100% on my nursing exam pop quiz. My brain is intimidating, isn't it?

Ryan: I bow to your genius. I better go.

Julia: No, you know, you don't have to. I know that we're both totally anti-New Year's Eve and that we chose cramming for my exam over dancing and partying, but it doesn't mean the night has to end.

Ryan: I thought we both agreed --

Julia: No kissing. Oh, absolutely. But nobody said anything about not getting naked.

Ryan: This is true. Uh, we did not.

Julia: Yeah. Ok, so, come on, before my clothes spontaneously fly off of me. Happy New Year's naked Eve!

[Palmer helps Krystal wrap herself in a tablecloth.]

Palmer: You are a woman of countless charms, Krystal.

Brooke: I think you could count them if you tried, Palmer.

Krystal: Thank you for your help, Palmer. You're a true gentleman. At least there's still one in this town.

Adam: Too bad, Krystal, your little display was a flop. It won't work.

Palmer: Well, you'd better see a doctor, because the "little display," as you put it, certainly caught my eye.

Adam: Shut up, Palmer! Your little hillbilly hoe-down wasn't enough, was it? No, you had to go public, you had to shame me in front of my colleagues and my friends, not to mention the board of directors.

Krystal: Oh, blow it out your party hat, Adam. You don't have any shame or friends, for that matter.

Brooke: Oh, strike one for Happy New Year.

Krystal: I had one champagne -- one -- and some bubbly water. Next thing you know, I wake up in what I thought was a dark box and, bam, Happy New Year!

Palmer: I'll find the monster who did this to you, I'll grind him under my heel.

Adam: The story's a sham.

Krystal: And you're a cheat. You know darn well that you set this up to make me look like a floozy. You slipped me a mickey, you stripped me naked, and you stuffed me into that cake.

Brooke: That does sound like your brand of charm, Adam.

Adam: I don't have to pretend anything. You prove yourself a floozy every day of your life.

Krystal: Oh, you've been wanting to stick it to me ever since that trucker party. Everybody had a good time, and that just chaps your hide.

Opal: You know, what a woman won't do for a little attention, huh? Pitiful disgrace.

Del: Well, it's not a party till someone gets naked or starts a fight. All in favor of getting naked?

Babe: This is insane. I know that you hate me being with J.R., but you drug me to break us up?

J.R.: There is no "us."

Babe: Why don't you just tell me what you did before I call the cops and convince them to whip out the nightsticks.

Josh: Ok, let's just get one thing straight here, ok? You showed up naked in my bed uninvited. You showed up in my room uninvited, ok? You want to suck me into your games? Not interested. It's New Year's Eve, and I don't want to spend it with you two.

J.R.: Consider this evening over. It's all over.

Babe: Oh, no. No, no, no! No Chandler hit-and-run tonight. You sit down, shut up, and you listen to me for once.

Tad: Why are you here?

Di: Uh, because you're bigger than me, and I can't move. Thank you.

Tad: No problem.

Di: Why are you here?

Tad: Oh, I don't know, I thought I'd come by and make a midnight donation, you know? Just give me one of the little plastic cups, and I'm good to go.

Di: You shouldn't be here.

Tad: But you should?

Di: I work here, remember?

Tad: Yeah, in the middle of the night? Since when did Madden's baby-making factory have a 24-hour proposition? Last I remember, the good doctor was still obsessed with Erica and the Martin clan -- but you should know that because you're supposedly helping me.

Di: That's why you shouldn't be here, Tad.

Tad: Let me ask you a question. Do you suffer from any kind of mental problems, you know, like dementia or amnesia or any of that?

Di: Why, because I'm so weak, I'm so fragile?

Tad: No, I'm trying to figure out why you were squirreling around in the middle of the night.

Di: Well, because it's kind of hard to snoop during the day with Hazel trying to play suck-up doctor's pet. Her eyes are on me all day long. You know, I was trying to do you a favor. You're welcome.

Tad: No, no, I don't remember asking you to take any chances for me, to blow your cover and mine by sneaking around in the small hours of the morning.

Di: Uh, you're the one that got busted by an employee. I'm the one taking chances?

Tad: Whatever. Where in the hell have you been? I mean, you drop off the face of the planet without so much as a word?

Di: Oh, you care?

Tad: No. I just thought you might give a damn when you found out your nephew's son was kidnapped.

Di: What?

Tad: Mm-hmm.

Di: What, Little Adam? Where is he? How long has he been gone?

Tad: He's fine. Shut up! Keep it down? Everybody is healthy and happy, thank God.

Di: What, you couldn't tell me that first? You had to -- you had to freak me out first?

Tad: Well, I'm sorry, but you would've gotten the blow-by-blow if you'd been anywhere in the neighborhood -- you know, around the family you supposedly care about.

Di: Well, Little Adam’s really ok?

Tad: He's fine. He's perfect, he's gorgeous, smarter than the kid should be. Thank God J.R. doesn't lose anybody else he loves.

Di: Well, who would do that? Why?

Tad: I'm still working on it. Back to you. Where the hell have you been?

Di's voice: It's time, Dixie, to tell them all you're alive.

Tad: What's more important than the family you supposedly love?

Zach: What did you want to ask me?

Kendall: Well, at the hospital after the fire, you told me that you loved me.

Zach: You heard me?

Kendall: Well, at first I thought I did. But then somehow I was sure I didn't.

Zach: You were right the first time.

Kendall: I'm never right the first time. Ask anybody.

Zach: You were asleep, and still you heard me. And here we are.

Kendall: It wasn't as simple as that.

Zach: Well, we're not simple people.

Kendall: Yeah, and you put two not-simple people together, and what do you have?

Zach: Yeah, let's do that.

[Zach and Kendall kiss some more.

Kendall: When did you know?

Zach: That I loved you?

Kendall: Mm-hmm.

Zach: Well, there are two answers to that.

Kendall: A real and a fake?

Zach: The true and the true. When I knew I loved you, and I didn't want to; and when I knew I loved you, and I had no choice.

Kendall: Will you do something with me? Something silly -- or not?

Zach: I would do anything with you.

Aidan: You really want a lesson in kisses when the ice is frozen, the fish are half asleep, and we can practically grab them out of the water with our bare hands?

Erin: Hey, I can multitask. Tell me what you meant, that a kiss can mean whatever you want it to mean?

Aidan: That's pretty advanced stuff. If you're sure you're ready. A kiss begins here. It ends here.

[First Aidan points to Erin’s mouth, then to her head.]

Babe: So which is it, J.R.? I mean, come on. I tell you I'm falling in love with you, only secretly all along I have this thing for Josh. Or maybe I'm trying to push you away like I did to Jamie, only I'm too stupid to come up with a new way to do it. Help me out here. Am I a slut or an idiot?

J.R.: I don't get to vote for both?

Babe: God, you are such a jerk. Big, bad J.R. thinks some guy's out to snake his woman, he gets all uptight and offended. Of course you could never side with me. You couldn't walk in and yell at Josh and ask him what the hell he's doing and beat him senseless. I'm the one that was drugged here -- me -- and I came out tonight with you to have a good time.

J.R.: And then kissed me off.

Babe: When did I ever give you a reason to think that I wanted you gone?

J.R.: Like you gave me a reason to think that you'd sleep with the first guy that you met on the beach, two weeks into our marriage?

Babe: Always comes back to Jamie.

J.R.: Yeah, my brother? The guy that you slept with? I'm sorry, I can't whip up selective amnesia. You screwed me over more than once, and I was a jackass to let you do it again.

Josh: You know, for the record, he really is a jackass, and I didn't do it. Ugh!

[After J.R. storms out, Babe punches Josh in the stomach.]

Babe: Ow. So you going to tell me how you did it? What, did you slip something in my drink?

Josh: I came to my own room. You were here naked.

Babe: Yeah, and how did I end up here?

Josh: Why would I do it, Babe, huh? Set you up, slip the psycho ex-husband a key? You think that's my idea of a good time?

Babe: You swear it wasn't you?

Josh: Believe me or don't, but I didn't do it.

Babe: Then who? Why would somebody do this? Who would do this to me?

Josh: Just a guess here, but probably someone who hates your guts.

Babe: Oh, no. Oh, that rotten -- I am going to break her like a twig.

[Julia and Ryan stand on the beach wearing only white robes.]

Julia: I can start without you if you don't have the brass.

Ryan: Oh, I have the brass. But be gentle with me, ok?

Julia: Ok. There's just one rule, though. You can't watch me.

Ryan: I'm about to jump into 45-degree water buck-naked, and you think the first thing I'm going to do is sneak a peek? You realize this is Pine Valley, and in Pine Valley it's not warm right now? It's very cold, it's winter, so could we please move this along?

Julia: Ok, ok, just -- just promise, no peeking.

Ryan: Fine, no peeking. Start the countdown. Go, start.

Julia: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 --

Ryan: Whoo-hoo!

[Quickly removing his robe, Ryan splashes into the ocean, followed closely by Julia.]

Julia: Nice glutes, cheater! Whoo!

Tad: Don't tell me -- that's your story, and you're sticking to it.

Di: That's great, just get it all out of order.

Tad: I got it, ok? Let me do my job.

Di: I'll lose my job, you know, and you'll lose your mole. No problem.

Tad: Or maybe you tell me you lost your job, and I'm supposed to believe you. Sure, whatever.

Di: Oh, your trust in me is touching.

Tad: My trust in you? My trust in you. Let me guess, you felt like taking a vacation -- nice hotel, spa, maybe a pool, unlimited cable. You just didn't want to tell Julia or anybody else on the planet where you were going.

Di: You know, when you put it like that, it sounds like I was --

Tad: Like what? Like a lie?

Di: No, it sounds like you're being a pain.

Tad: Oh, I'm being a pain.

Di: You know, for your information, Tad, it wasn't unlimited cable. It was three channels, one of which came in all sideways and fuzzy. I ended up having to sit around watching "It's a Wonderful Life" over and over until I wanted to stuff that stairway ball thingy down George Bailey's throat.

Tad: Let me guess -- this is the part where I'm supposed to feel sorry for you, because everybody ended up hating your guts for the holidays.

Di: Oh, of course. Ok, that's right, yeah, I'm supposed to do penance for the rest of my miserable life. You know, they hate me because of your orders to come clean.

Tad: Do you know the reason you hate George Bailey so much? Because he was a decent human being.

Di: Oh.

Tad: What do you think that means?

Di: You know what I think it means? I think it means I don't need to be here, and I don't need to be helping you.

Tad: Hmm.

Di: I don't need to be listening to you be a jerk to me.

Tad: What do you know. An honest answer for once. Let's go over the facts, shall we, sweetheart? I asked you to play receptionist, ok, to keep your eyes and your ears open. I didn't ask you to run around playing James Bond, risking your life.

Di: Or get hip-checked in the dark by you.

Tad: What do we have here?

Di: Well, we can find out.

Tad: It's a sperm bank. With any luck, it's porn.

Di: Ugh. Little Adam’s really ok?

Tad: Yeah.

Di: Wonder who would've taken him.

Janet: Enjoy your evening, sir.

Ethan: Thank you. I will.

Ethan: Hey.

Simone: Oh, well, I really shouldn't. You know, it's only going to get bigger, better, and bloodier in there. Who knows what we're missing. Let's go back inside.

Ethan: Uh, you know what, Mr. and Mrs. Chandler I think are going to be fighting for hours, if not years. Right now I just wanted it to be you and me.

Simone: You have your serious tone. Which is slightly smoother and deeper than your light tone. Even with your accent, I can hear the slight tonal shifts. Oh, God. This is it.

Ethan: You -- you know?

Simone: You, me, champagne, a private corner? Well, not that private. So if I collapse into tears or try to kick you in the head, there'll be witnesses. You planned everything, haven't you?

Ethan: Well, I -- I thought I did, but now I'm a little confused.

Simone: I will not scream. I promise, ok? So just go on. I get it. You know, things have been great. Whoo-hoo.

Ethan: Amazing, actually.

Simone: You know the real me now.

Ethan: I do, yes.

Simone: Time for a change.

Ethan: Actually, I'd like to change things drastically.

Simone: Oh, God, you don't even ease into it. Just, wham, you want to dump me. You know what, fine. Fine, do it, ok? Just go ahead, say it, say it. You're not that into me, you know, "It's not you, it's me." No, "he" is you and "you" is me. You're -- you're just not into me. Just say it! Fine.

Ethan: Will you marry me?

Simone: Oh, you know what? Why didn't you just say that when I asked you before, like, "Hey, what's up?" You know, "Are you turning into a jerk yet?" You just said words. What were those words again?

Ethan: Will you --

Simone: Yeah? Go on.

Ethan: Marry me?

Simone: Um -- yes! Yes. Yes.

[Babe comes up to Amanda from behind and hits her.]

Babe: You!

[Surf crashes]

Kendall: Why won't you tell me? What, you don't trust me?

Zach: This is private.

Kendall: "Private." No, I'm sorry, that's against the rules here, this whole secret-keeping thing.

Zach: No, no, no, because resolutions and birthday candles and shooting stars -- same rules for all those things. You say it out loud, and it's a goner.

Kendall: Ok, well, now I know this is not really happening. This is -- this is all just a big dream. You, Zach Slater, are indulging my girlie balloon New Year's. I mean, that's -- that's crazy. This -- this is not happening. When I wake up, the sun will be up shining through my curtains and this will be all over.

Zach: Well, the sun's not up yet, and we're here. And it may surprise you, but there was a time when I knew all about rules and wishes and dreams.

Kendall: It's you. The you before you became who you are.

[Kendall and Zach kiss again.]

Babe: You've played crazy to get away with murder. Not this time. Where'd you hide it, Amanda, huh? How about your purse? Is that it?

Amanda: You walk in here, go off on me, and I'm crazy?

Jamie: Hey, I thought I told you to stay away from Amanda!

Babe: Yeah, and I did, only somehow she still managed to drug me and slip me naked into Josh's bed.

Amanda: Oh, it's my fault you're a slut?

Jamie: Wait, wait a minute. Somebody drugged you?

Krystal: No, no, not you, too, Babe.

Amanda: "I'm naked against my will." Runs in the family.

Babe: What happened to you?

Krystal: I went down, I woke up, and I felt a bit nippy. You're behind this. Did you think nobody would notice?

Amanda: Right, because I had time to drug you both, undress you both, and dump you wherever while I was on a date. How many times do I have to tell you -- you just don't rank that high on my to-do list. And you? I know your daughter's a skank, and you're Krystal with a K. Other than that, don't know, don't care. You think I'd waste my night on you?

Opal: Ooh, drugs, bare nakedness, all this shouting.

Del: You want to leave?

Opal: Are you joking?

Palmer: This woman has been taken advantage of. Someone should call the police.

Brooke: I think Krystal and Babe in compromising positions will get their attention.

Adam: Go ahead, Palmer, call the cops. Have her arrested, put in jail for indecent exposure, a public disgrace.

Krystal: Did you team up with Amanda on this, huh? Did you take her under your scaly wing, or did you come up with this screwy idea all by yourself?

Babe: Well, you won't let me check your purse, but when she almost drugged you into marriage, we all know where she hid her little stash, don't we?

[Babe rips Amanda's dress strap exposing her bra.]

Amanda: What the hell!

Babe: You messed with the wrong girl this time, bitchcakes! Get off me!

Aidan: Um, aren't you supposed to take the fish out of the water and not put them back in? I think I'm right.

Erin: Uh-huh. I kept my brother in a closet for months. I just -- I wanted to protect him from himself and the police, from the world. Because I was so sure that it would hurt him in ways that I couldn't even name but I knew were out there.

Aidan: You were afraid for your brother.

Erin: I don't think of freedom in the same way anymore.

Aidan: Well, welcome to being free.

Julia: That was wild!

Ryan: Very, very intense.

Julia: Whoo. Life on the edge.

Ryan: It was a tribute to the new year. Here, wrap that around you.

Julia: Whoo.

Ryan: Whoo!

Julia: I can't feel my fingers.

Ryan: Really? I can. No, actually, they almost fell off the second I hit the water.

Julia: Quick, what are you thinking right now?

Ryan: What am I -- ah, I don't know. Kind of demanding, aren't you?

Julia: What, what was my demand?

Ryan: Well, first, to jump into 45-degree water buck-naked, and then, what am I thinking? This is, like, overload.

Julia: Well, you didn't seem to mind the first part of that. And, well, as for the second, I don't know, we were just buck-naked in the ocean together. I figured that we were, you know, kind of, sort of like, more or less, basically friends.

Ryan: I was thinking -- I was thinking that the world -- and by "the world," I mean my life -- kind of sucks right now, but here I am sitting on a beach with a beautiful woman in the moonlight.

Julia: You're right. That totally sucks. I should leave.

Ryan: It's just -- it's just a little bit out there. It kind of doesn't really make sense, but at the same time it sort of feels kind of normal. You know what I mean?

Julia: Just so you know, I peeked.

Kendall: I knew I loved you when I thought saving Julia might get you killed.

Zach: I was wrong before, about the rules.

[Kendall reads a little note that Zach has attached to the string of a helium-filled balloon.]

Kendall: "May this night never end."

Jamie: Hey, hey, back off already!

Krystal: Your first mistake was messing with my baby doll. Your second one was doing it again. Now, if you think you're going to take down Mama, you'd better think again.

Amanda: Jamie, make them stop.

Jamie: We're out of here.

Babe: Yeah, that's right, Amanda, you'd better run. You have no idea!

Krystal: Yeah, go ahead, you can't run fast enough –

[Dressed as a waiter, Janet stands in Babe's way with a tray full of glasses.]

Janet: Oh!

Babe: I'm so sorry.

Janet: Oh, no.

Krystal: It's all right, we'll talk to your boss, all right? We're sorry.

Babe: You can just tell him it was our fault.

Adam: This whole thing is a debacle.

J.R.: Why don't you go ahead and ream me out.

Adam: Why? Did you put Krystal in that cake?

J.R.: I might as well have. I dragged Babe and her back into our lives.

Adam: Oh, then all is not well with you and the ex-Mrs. Chandler?

J.R.: I got about 12 resolutions, and all of them are "Stay the hell away from Babe."

Adam: Oh, good. Good, then this inane evening wasn't a total loss.

J.R.: When 2006 comes in, the Carey women go out. Out of our lives for good.

Adam: Yeah.

Simone: I waited for the one, and he showed, and he said --

Ethan: Again? Again?

Simone: Yes, just one more time.

Ethan: Will you -- wait, you have to let me get the words out.

Simone: Oh, honey, you have all night to try.

Palmer: Adam, I just spoke with several members of your board, and they are this close to voting you too insane to go on.

Adam: After what Krystal did today?

Palmer: Well --

Adam: I'd love to see them try it.

Opal: Boy, it's the craziest New Year I ever saw.

Brooke: They're all crazy. Pine Valley blowout, year after year.

Opal: Blowout? New Year's. My sick and twisted ex Ray Gardner blew himself home to Hades with a bomb.

Brooke: Oh, yes!

Opal: Grab a glass, Brooke, and tip it back. Here is to 1983.

[Tad and Di watch a videotape they found in Greg's office of Erica during her model days.]

Erica's voice: Today. Classic. It's on the wind forever. Erica, Erica. Erica, Erica. Erica, Erica. Er –

Di: Ugh.

Tad: Well, that was interesting.

Di: Erica looked amazing.

Tad: It's not about how Erica looks. This thing makes Madden look like some kind of lovesick pervert.

Di: I know. I mean, I see him every day, I never think "stalker alert," but now --

Tad: Maybe we should just give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's just an Erica Kane fan with a huge crush.

Di: Uh, Tad, that's a serious, obsessive --

Tad: I know, I got it. Problem now is what it means for Erica, and Kendall.

Di: Maybe –

[Tad kisses Di.]

[Zach reads Kendall’s next balloon note, “Kiss, love, drink in this joy,” then releases it into the air.]

Singers: It's funny how you love me, oh how you showed up that day at my door and I'm not lonely anymore it's funny how you love me, oh but it's meant to be you and me 'cause we're meant to be something more than what we are right now something that is worth waiting for

[Zach’s next note to Kendall reads, “Thank you for making me risk.”]

[Kendall’s note says, “To spread some of this feeling to the rest of the world.”

[Watching the rest of the balloons fly away, Zach and Kendall kiss repeatedly.]

Singers: How you love. How you love me. How you love. Ooh

Aidan: I must admit I'm a bit disappointed. We've got no fish for breakfast.

Erin: Uh-huh. Well, I usually sleep through New Year's. It always seemed kind of artificial. You know, there's one little minute that says that was the past, this is the future.

Aidan: And now?

Erin: I don't know. Maybe they had it right all along. That was the past, and here comes your fresh start.

Aidan: You know, a fresh start can be whatever you make it.

Erin: Let me guess -- it starts up here.

Aidan: You got it.

Erin: I got it.

Di: You just --

Tad: Yeah, I know. It's a knee-jerk reaction. It's kind of a tradition thing, you know, the whole kiss at midnight.

Di: Yeah, I know, I get the concept. But it's --

Tad: It's midnight somewhere.

Di: And right here --

Tad: Yeah. Time to go home.

Di: What is that?

Tad: I don't know. Must've fallen out of the file.

Di: Pretty little girl. Who do you think it is?

Tad: Don't know. But you're off the clock. Work's over.

Di: You're going to solve this case, aren't you?

Tad: It's what I do. It's kind of a New Year's resolution -- I take care of the problems I can, and the rest --

Di: Time to go home. Happy New Year.

Julia: That was my idea, and it was pure genius, if icy cold.

Ryan: Don't forget eye-opening.

Julia: Huh?

Ryan: Oh, I peeked, too.

Julia: You better have.

[Julia laughs]

Simone: Thank you for the most amazing evening.

Ethan: Thank you for saying yes 18 times and counting.

Palmer: You don't know what that maniac is capable of. He once had Dixie locked up with lunatics.

Krystal: Don't worry, Palmer, I know that I'm no Dixie.

Palmer: Hmm, well, you're not safe here, either. Why don't you move in with me tonight. I'll send for your things tomorrow.

Krystal: I don't surrender that easy.

Man: Are you ready to leave?

Brooke: Oh. Maybe you should've asked me an hour ago.

Babe: Payback is going to bite you so hard, and I'll be the one to make sure of it.

Amanda: Please, Jamie, take me home.

Josh: Heck of a way to spend the biggest night of the year, fighting with J.R. and Amanda.

Babe: Don't forget ending up naked in your bed. She's not going to get away with this.

Josh: Will you forget Amanda? Forget J.R. Get on with your life.

Babe: This is my life. How do you not get that?

J.R.: Just so you know, you'll be lucky if you see Little A before 2007.

Adam: I want to thank you for tonight. Really. Your wanton display should play very well with my board of directors, not to mention divorce court. So, see you in bed. Unless you're going home with Palmer, of course. Never mind.

Image: Those Carey clucks just don't get it.

Janet: They certainly do need help when it comes to understanding how mean and nasty they've been to my precious Amanda.

Image: Take the clucks to the chicken factory. Ha! Then they'll find out just how much worse things can get.

Janet: You know, the only New year's resolution I ever had -- just to do whatever it takes to be the best mommy ever.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Babe: I want you, only you, J.R.

Amanda (to Jamie): Why are you going through my purse?

Zach (to Kendall): Anything you want, as long as it can put a smile on that gorgeous face. Anything -- name it.

Kendall (to Zach): You are going to be so sorry you said that.

Erica (to Tad): The little girl in this picture -- this is me.

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