AMC Transcript Thursday 12/29/05

All My Children Transcript Thursday 12/29/05

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Simone: Uh-uh! No, ok? That's not happening. No way, forget about it, ok? I own a chunk of this place now -- which I am still having great fun saying thank you for -- so I have the power to tell you what to do. Sort of. Ok, look, Kendall, I am sorry. All right, I said it. I am sorry, I'm sorry that we fought. You can't stay here all night.

Kendall: Simone, get out of my way.

Simone: It's New Year's Eve, ok, and finally the Valley Inn is the place to be.

Ethan: Come on, after the old guard clear out past midnight, the daring will be playing in the lounge.

Simone: Yeah, my God, do you know how huge they are?

Ethan: A bunch of British boys, mad talented, rumor has it all single.

Simone: And hotter than hell. Well, if I were 20 and unattached, of course.

Ethan: Thank you.

Kendall: How about over 20 and pregnant? I'm sorry, I'm not interested, guys, thank you.

Simone: You're seriously going to sit there and read that boring, old quarterly report when you could be out partying until sun-up with hot English boys? Ugh. Yeah, ok, Jude Law could be there and you wouldn't budge, would you?

Kendall: Actually, I'm really more the Orlando type. But I do appreciate the old college try. Now, you kids go have fun. .

Ethan: Look, festivities go on till dawn, ok, so you have plenty of time to change your mind.

Kendall: Ok, I'll chew on that.

Simone: Have a Happy New Year, Kendall.

Ethan: Happy New Year.

Kendall: Happy New Year, guys.

Jonathan: Happy New Year, Lily!

Lily: Happy New Year, Jonathan! Well, technically, it's not the new year yet. We still have a few hours before 2006.

Jonathan: Well, here, I brought you Erin’s skates, ok? I hope they fit.

Lily: Thank you. You know, I almost didn't come. People have been saying some really mean things about you, like you stole that baby.

Jonathan: I know, but I didn't. I would never, ever do anything like that, Lily. But I think that you know that or you wouldn't have come.

Lily: Ow! Ow, ow, ow!

Jonathan: No --

Lily: Is it bleeding, is it bleeding?

Jonathan: No. No, no, no red. There's no red.

Lily: Why are these blades so sharp?

Jonathan: They have to be for when you're first learning so that you don't fall as much.

Lily: I'm going to fall?

Jonathan: Well, everyone does at first, but don't worry because I'll help you up.

Lily: No, thanks. I prefer falling to touching. So, where's your brother and sister?

Jonathan: They're out trying to convince everybody that I didn't do anything bad.

Erin: Please, please, God, let us find Jonathan's alibi.

Aidan: I'm looking for a woman named Victoria. Does that ring any bells?

Woman: Hmm, I know a Virginia and a Vera and a Violet, but no Victoria. Sorry.

Aidan: Got every V name out there covered except --

Erin: Victoria. Yeah, I haven't exactly struck gold, either.

Aidan: Maybe your brother had better luck.

Ryan: I've talked to dozens of people between here and the river, and either this Victoria doesn't have a lot of friends or --

Aidan: Or Jonathan's alibi is bogus.

Erin: What if I was wrong about him, Ryan? What if Jonathan lied to us? He could be as dangerous now as he ever was.

Mirror Image: You ought to save that for last.

Janet: Would you go away? I told you, I have a plan, and I do not need your help. I can do this all by myself.

Mirror Image: Please! You always need my help. Do you want to mess everything up, or do you want to make sure those Chandlers have one heck of a new year?

[Mirror Image laughs]

Adam: Wrong. And stupid and meddlesome and completely out of your league.

Krystal: Oh, face it, Adam, not all of your business decisions are inspired. Palmer and I thought that that business that you wanted to purchase wasn't up to par.

Adam: "Palmer and I"? "Palmer and I"? I could take your two brains, drop them into a thimble, and they'd rattle around like two BBs in a boxcar.

Babe: Knock, knock. Hi.

Adam: Oh, no. No, no, no, you don't. Out, out.

J.R.: No, Babe is my guest! As long as Jonathan Lavery is living at the Pine Cone, she's much safer here.

Krystal: Ah, sugary sweet music to my ears.

Babe: And it gets even sweeter. J.R. invited me out for New Year's.

Adam: Somebody get a gun and shoot me. I -- I was joking. I was joking, for -- idiots!

Zach: I need you.

Kendall: What the heck is that supposed to mean? You need me? What, you need my advice? You need help rescuing a cat from a tree? What, what do you want?

Zach: Just like that, it'll all make sense.

Kendall: Care to be a little more indirect? Really, I'm having so much fun trying to figure out what you want.

Zach: See, if you'd told me this before, it would've made it a lot easier.

Kendall: Ok, do you want me to ask nice? Do you want me to beg for a translation? What? Get over yourself, ok, ask someone who cares, because I don't care that much.

Zach: Words. They matter to you, right? Say "want" or "need," what's the difference?

Kendall: There's a huge difference. And if you don't tell me which you meant and why, I'll throw a word at you the meaning of which there's no mistaking.

Zach: Ok, ok. I want and need you to come to the casino tonight.

Kendall: No.

Zach: Why not?

Kendall: A, we're divorced. B, I'm not your wife anymore. C, I don't have to do what you want or need.

Zach: D, your name is still on the casino license. E, if you don't show up, there might be a little bit of trouble. And F, wear something nice for the party.

[Krystal, J.R., and Babe all return with a different weapon.]

Krystal: Well, I searched high and low, but all I could find is this, but I figure I can zing him in the behind and let y'all take your shot.

J.R.: I was going to go for something showy, like behind the back or under the leg.

Babe: Just as long as you save a little target for me.

Adam: You are all hilarious. My ribs are aching, you're such a scream. Would you mind putting down your weapon and joining me in the parlor?

[Krystal laughs]

Babe: Oh, no.

Krystal: He should count himself lucky none of us actually pulled the trigger, huh?

Babe: Mama, I cannot wait for you to see my dress. It's a real-deal designer. It's not like one of those knock-offs you buy off the back of a truck.

Krystal: Baby doll, I paid more for my gown than I've ever paid on a car.

Babe: Really? You didn't tell me you're going out with Adam tonight.

Krystal: I'm not.

Babe: Mm-hmm?

Krystal: Your mama's flying solo. But let me tell you something, I am going to make sure that my bullet-begging hubby knows about it, too.

Babe: Goodness.

Adam: I thought I was going to choke on my own tongue when that vote went against me.

J.R.: Yet there it is, still attached and flapping away.

Adam: Damn it, J.R., I was a chorus of one in that boardroom today. I needed you there.

J.R.: Look, I don't think I would've made it much easier for you. I'm with your wife and Palmer on this one. Buying that huge company is a mistake. If you would've held out a little bit longer, we could get it much cheaper.

Adam: Or lose it entirely. What is the matter with you? Siding with Krystal? Inviting Babe the baby snatcher back into our house again? Hmm? Going out with her on New Year's Eve, for God's sake, in public! Please tell me that you're just pretending to be this spineless, that it's just a clever ruse to gain her confidence before you lower the boom.

J.R.: You want me to give it to you straight, Dad? Here, take a seat, because I'm only going to tell you once.

Ryan: No, no, no, look, I know it looks bad, but don't throw Jonathan behind bars just yet, ok, don't.

Aidan: Just because we haven't located Jonathan's alibi doesn't mean he lied.

Erin: You actually think he's innocent now?

Aidan: No, I don't, but without hard evidence linking him to the kidnapping, I have to keep an open mind, and you should, too.

Erin: Trust me, if I prayed any harder for this Victoria woman to be real, my heart would burst out of my chest. But I've just got this sick feeling in my stomach, Ryan. I mean, I feel responsible.

Ryan: Hey, believe me, I know how easy it is to go there, but don't, ok? I still beat myself up for leaving you and Jonathan in Des Moines, but Jonathan has his own life, he makes his own decisions.

Aidan: Listen, Erin, if anything, you've been a good influence on Jonathan. You've been supportive, you've been trusting. I've seen it.

Erin: What if I trusted him too much?

Ryan: There is one person responsible for Jonathan's troubles, and he's roasting on a spit somewhere in hell. Look, you know what? It's freezing and it's late. Why don't we just call it a night.

Erin: No, Ryan, we might miss her.

Ryan: We'll pick it up first thing in the morning. Believe me, this Victoria’s not going to be holed up watching bowl games tomorrow. Come on. Come on.

Erin: Hi. Excuse me. Never mind. Can I ask you a favor? Have you -- have you seen this man?

Victoria: No, I haven't seen anybody but you. Now, if you don't mind, I'd like to rest my feet. I've been walking on them all day.

Erin: Another false alarm.

Ryan: First thing tomorrow. Come on.

Aidan: Hold on, guys. Victoria?

Erin: That's her. Stop her! Stop!

Lily: And it's a lot bigger and better than our old house -- which was a loft, which is basically a big apartment -- and it's got a big front yard and a back yard. Hey, maybe I'll get that dog I've been wanting. When is this going to start being fun?

Jonathan: When we get out right here to the ice. But I just want to make sure that you can stay steady first.

Lily: Well, I don't think that's going to happen anytime soon.

Jonathan: You want to know what helps me keep my balance? I think down.

Lily: Think down? Did you mean to say that or did you mix your words up again?

Jonathan: No, no, I meant to. You know your belly button? I just -- I think about putting all of my weight right there.

Lily: Well, the weight is distributed equally throughout your body, and it really can't be anywhere else than it already is.

Jonathan: Did -- did you ever see the movie "Dumbo" with the elephant with the big ears?

Lily: All elephants have big ears.

Jonathan: Well, here. Here, put this feather in your pocket.

Lily: Pigeons are dirty.

Jonathan: Well, it'll help -- help you stay on your skates.

Lily: A pigeon feather? How?

Jonathan: Magic? It helped Dumbo learn how to fly.

Lily: No wonder they called him Dumbo.

Jonathan: How else can I help you keep from falling, Lily?

Lily: Well, I don't think you can. I think I'm just going to have to fall. That's how I'll learn.

Jonathan: All right. All right, I'll let you fall as much as you have to so that you can learn. And I won't touch you, and I promise you I won't krink -- cringe --

Lily: Cringe?

Jonathan: Cringe, yeah. Cringe.

Lily: I think I'll be doing enough cringing for both of us.

Lily: Ok. I think I'm ready to try it on the ice.

Jonathan: Ok.

Lily: Are you coming?

Jonathan: Yeah. Yeah, here I come.

Ryan: Please, you really don't have to pinch me, ok, because I just -- just want to ask you a couple questions.

Victoria: Well, it's my hat. Had it for years. My second husband, Isaiah, bought it for me in France. He bought me some candy, too, and I ate that a long time ago.

Aidan: You know, it's not the hat that we're interested in. It's underneath it that concerns us.

Victoria: The wig? No, no. I paid $39.95 for this wig at the beauty supply. You just -- you get your own.

Aidan: Your memory, ma'am. We'd like to pick your brain.

Erin: Does the name Jonathan Lavery mean anything to you?

Victoria: No. Now, if the interrogation is over, my hat, my wig, and I have something to do.

Ryan: Excuse me, please, because Jonathan said --

Victoria: Hey, hey!

Ryan: That the Victoria that he met at the park carried a flask.

Victoria: I don't know any Jonathan. Have you ever noticed that everywhere you go on New Year's Eve it smells like matches?

Erin: Uh, please, if you could just take one more look at this photo? It's very, very important.

Victoria: Give me back my flask.

Aidan: He was wearing a red Santa costume.

Victoria: Merry Christmas.

Ryan: We just would like you to look at the picture, just for a second.

Victoria: Flask first.

Aidan: Now it's your turn. Did you speak with this man in the picture?

Erin: Imagine him dressed as Santa.

Victoria: Oh! Santa Jonathan. Well, why didn't you say so? We spent the whole evening together. He is such a nice boy. He is so tall. So how is he?

Ryan: Much better now.

[Janet sings as she makes herself up to look like a man in a waiter's uniform.]

Ryan: So? So Victoria’s going to come through for Jonathan?

Aidan: Her story matches Jonathan's down to the minute. I gave her my card. She's willing to go down to the police station and give a deposition.

Ryan: Yes.

Aidan: She said she doesn't want to see Santa in any more trouble than he already is.

Erin: God, that woman's a trip.

Ryan: God, for a second there --

Erin: I know. I know. I feel like such an ass.

Ryan: Well, you know, I'm the one who gave you the pep talk, and I wasn't even sure about Jonathan's alibi myself.

Erin: Yeah, but I'm the one that started you thinking like that.

Ryan: No.

Erin: I was the one who doubted him first.

Ryan: I'm telling you --

Aidan: Guys, guys, it doesn't matter who said what when. The point is you were both there for him. You never gave up on your brother. That's a good thing. Now we know that Jonathan's telling the truth.

Erin: Oh, my God. Did it hurt you to say that?

Aidan: No, not a bit. In fact, I do feel a little pinch here, but maybe that was my pastrami sandwich I had for lunch.

Erin: Hmm, and you wonder why it is that I've avoided men all my life. I mean, it kills you to tell the truth, and then when you finally do, you find someone or something else to blame it on.

Ryan: Well, I personally am not dodging any blame here. I doubted Jonathan, and I am going to make it up to him. In fact, I'm going to do it right now. I'm going to go give him the good news, ok?

Erin: Ok.

Ryan: Ok, I'll see you. Wasn't exactly easy, but I won't forget what you've done for my family.

Adam: You're falling for that girl.

J.R.: I'm not listening.

Adam: You asked me to stop you from getting sucked in.

J.R.: You know where I learned that from, the not listening? Well, I'd tell you, but you probably wouldn't pay attention.

Adam: Well, I heard you very clearly when you said you'd rather be dead than get mixed up with Babe Carey again.

J.R.: Well, I stand corrected. You do listen when I say what you want to hear. So all this gibberish I've been lecturing about for the past few minutes about how your days of interfering with my life are over and ruining my life obviously went in one ear and out the other.

Adam: You'll thank me for lecturing you. That girl is going to make an even bigger fool of you the second time around, mark my words.

J.R.: God, would you just get over yourself? You're not always right, and I'm not always wrong.

Adam: You're wrong this time.

J.R.: You know what? I'll take your advice when your marriage is no longer a public joke. Until then, butt out. I don't want to hear another word of your so-called advice.

Babe: If you want to keep telling your daddy off, don't let me stop you.

J.R.: You look amazing. Doesn't she look amazing, Dad?

Adam: Very nice.

Babe: And where's your tux, Adam?

Adam: I wouldn't be caught dead pretending to be optimistic about 2006. I didn't think this year could be worse than last year. The way things are going --

Babe: What's his problem now?

Adam: I think I'll just find one of those guns and shoot myself.

J.R.: He got flipped off at a board meeting today. We'll see you next year, Dad.

Jonathan: I told you, Ryan. I told you I didn't take the little Chandler baby.

Ryan: I am sorry that I ever doubted you, and I'm telling you right now -- I'm telling you that will never happen again.

Jonathan: No, no, it's k-o, Ryan.

Lily: He means "ok."

Ryan: But it's -- it's not ok.

Jonathan: No, Ryan. Just because I had sturgery doesn't mean that you shouldn't have doubts about me.

Lily: He means "surgery."

Ryan: Thank you. Thank you, Lily.

Jonathan: J.R. was being really mean to me. He was being a major stew ball.

[Ryan looks to Lily for a translation but none is forthcoming.]

Ryan: I'm just happy that it's behind us now and that we can start the new year with a clean slate.

Jonathan: I like that, Ryan.

Ryan: Ok.

Lily: Well, Ryan, are you going to put your skates on and come ice-skating with us?

Jonathan: She's really good, Ryan. She didn't even fall that much.

Ryan: Yeah, you know, if it's cool with you guys, I'd love to join you.

Jonathan: That'd be the best.

Ryan: Ok. I'll be right back.

Jonathan: I didn't -- I meant to say "screwball," not "stew ball."

Lily: Oh. Well, "stew ball" sounds just as bad as "screwball," and J.R. is one, and his father's an even bigger one.

Krystal: Ahem. You're cutting it awfully close there, aren't you, Frosty? Come on, get ready! You show up at the Valley Inn like that, and you're going to embarrass yours truly.

Adam: Well, while the offer to humiliate you is tempting, hot, boiling oil poured into my eyes couldn't convince me to go to that loser soirée. And stop calling me Frosty.

Krystal: Oh, have it your way.

Adam: What?

Krystal: Oh, nothing.

[Krystal sighs]

Krystal: It's just that it would've been sort of nice to actually have you by my side when the clock strikes 12:00.

Adam: Well, I honestly don't think I can mix with those people. However, perhaps you and I could -- could get together somewhere later before midnight?

[Krystal laughs]

Krystal: Oh, Adam, you are just too easy. Since when do I need you to have fun, huh? Actually, when you're around, I rarely do. Besides, Palmer has invited me to join him at his table. Between bubbly, we're going to be talking a little business, since I'm becoming such a big tycoon.

Adam: A big buffoon. You don't know the difference between a takeover and a makeover.

Krystal: Ooh, keep up all that corporate talk, Adam. You know what it does to me.

[Krystal laughs]

Krystal: Well, it really is too bad that you won't be joining us, seeing that the rest of the board members will be there. We're bound to be talking company transactions and dealings, you know. I might just get so worked up that I miss the ball drop altogether.

[Krystal and Adam kiss passionately]

Kendall: Hello? Zach? Come on, where are you? I'm finally here. Oh, good. There you are.

Zach: And there you are, just in time to solve the problem.

Kendall: Well, I don't know if it's very solvable. There's not a single car in our parking lot. The whole thing is abandoned. What happened to all of our customers? You think this is funny? Divorced or not, I still have a stake in this casino, and you don't get to shut it down on the most profitable night of the year just to mess with me.

Zach: Did I make an impression?

Kendall: Yeah, on my bank account. If you -- if you think you tapped into anything deeper, then you had me confused with someone who gives a damn.

Adam: What was -- what was that exactly?

Krystal: Do you have to ask?

Adam: Sucker! Now who's fleeced, my little lamb? Did you actually think I was turned on by all that? Huh? No, no, no. Chalk it up to brilliant acting on my part, combined with a staggering level of conceit on yours.

Krystal: Uh-huh. And you're telling me that you weren't all hot and bothered?

Adam: Hot? No. Bothered? Immeasurably. Cold chills ran up and down my spine when I started thinking about where those lips of yours have been. So say good night, cuddle cakes, hmm? The sooner you're out of here, the sooner I can get my mouth washed out with hydrogen peroxide. Be sure to give Palmer and the board of defectors my best. Good night. I must be out of my loving mind! First -- a cold shower.

Singer: Oh, you know it's just a little thing baby, I'm back how can you say you can take these years away? Only you can set my love free come back to me

J.R.: Check it out. Looks like they're letting anyone in here.

Jamie: It's a big room, J.R. Why don't you just pick a side.

J.R.: We could be counting down the hours in Antarctica and your trashy piece of arm candy would still be too close for comfort.

Amanda: You think I want to ring in my new year staring at your ugly grilles?

Babe: Then don't. How about you start 2006 off with a little act of charity -- bail, fast.

Amanda: Oh, you are not running me out of here.

J.R.: Don't eat the soup, Babe.

Jamie: Listen, why don't you just shut the hell up and figure out a way to deal, because Amanda and I aren't leaving.

J.R.: Can I talk to you alone, James?

Jamie: Fine by me.

Babe: J.R., please don't do this.

J.R.: Oh, we'll see who's staying here tonight.

Amanda: Uh, I wouldn't get too comfy-cozy. I have a feeling it's not going to be you. Hey, what's up, Kelly?

J.R.: How's the undercover gig coming along? Did that head case steal my son?

Jamie: I'll let you know when I get something concrete. Until then, give it some space. I'm never going to get anything out of Amanda if I have to break up catfights all night.

J.R.: Well, keep mental Mandy out of Babe's sightline, and we won't have a problem.

Babe: Can I help you?

Amanda: Where is it -- the gun? That is how you convinced J.R. to bring you out in public, right? Or, wait, is it possible he's really as dumb as he looks?

Babe: Don't you have a staircase to go lurk around? Oh, maybe a baby to kidnap? Or did you graduate to adults? Is that how you scored Jamie as your date? Oh, speak of -- hi. Look, no candy residue on his cheeks. What do you think? You know, if you find yourself in some weird snowsuit that you've never seen before, I'd run.

Amanda: I didn't take your kid, freak.

Jamie: Hey, don't waste your breath, Amanda. J.R., get her out of here. I'm not kidding.

J.R.: Come on, Babe, let's not spoil our last hours of 2005 on this crackpot. You know what, keep that psycho on a short leash.

Amanda: Thank you.

Jamie: I just wanted to have a good time tonight.

Amanda: Me, too. You know, I think J.R.’s scared of you. He will never come close to your kind of cool.

Simone: Whew. Mmm.

Ethan: So, am I that bad a dancer?

Simone: What?

Ethan: You look miserable.

Simone: No. Are you kidding? It's almost midnight, and I've been dancing in your arms. What could I possibly be bummed about?

Ethan: Good question. One I'd like to hear you answer.

Simone: Oh, all right, fine, come with me. My glass slipper's going to shatter in a million pieces.

Palmer: Krystal Carey.

Krystal: Chandler.

Palmer: Oh, yes. Don't remind me. I must say, you are the most stunning, exciting, exquisite woman in this room.

Krystal: Oh.

Palmer: Where's Opal? I'd like to rub it in.

Krystal: Oh, now, Palmer, you'd better behave yourself. You get any more charming, and I might just have to change my name again -- to Cortlandt.

Simone: All right. So I'm waiting.

Ethan: For what?

Simone: I know what you're going to do, so just do it, ok? Dis me, play me, turn into a creep already.

Ethan: Is that what you want?

Simone: No, it's not what I want. It's what I expect. We've been -- we've been dating now for a while, ok, so it's about that time.

Ethan: For me to turn into some kind of jerk?

Simone: Every guy that I ever dated has, ok? He turns from dreamy to dreary overnight. And you're still so -- so awesome. You know, it's driving me crazy. You know, I don't want to fall deeper. I don't want to feel more. So just do it already, ok? Just lend me some grace, so I can climb back into my pumpkin and go back to my perfect life of solitude.

Babe: We haven't danced this way since --

J.R.: Since our wedding.

Singer: Just forget the things I used to say chances are that I don't feel that way

Erin: There are about a million reasons why you shouldn't be sitting here right now.

Aidan: Really? Well, I'll be interested in hearing some.

Erin: Um, I've been horrible to you since we met.

Aidan: That's a good reason. You've had your decent moments, too.

Erin: Yeah, a rare few. It's pretty cool, though. I mean, you never backed off. Even though you had your doubts about Jonathan, you stayed on his case even when it meant proving my brother couldn't have kidnapped that little baby.

Aidan: Yeah, that was pretty awesome of me, wasn't it? But I did have some selfish reasons why I wanted to clear Jonathan's name.

Erin: Oh, boy. Ok, come on, this'll be good.

Aidan: Well, I didn't want to wake up every day and have to tail him day after day, month after month.

Erin: Yeah, that makes sense, but knowing Jonathan, he'll probably miss you.

Aidan: You know, you're right, he probably will. There's another reason, as well, though. It means that I can get to ask you out for New Year's Eve.

Erin: But tonight is New Year's Eve.

Aidan: So it is. Will you be my date? Erin, what? Did I do something wrong?

Kendall: Unlock the damn door, Zach. I'm not in the mood to play prisoner.

Zach: That would make me the jailer, and I'm in no mood for that, either.

Kendall: Good, well, then open the door and let me out. This is not how I want to bring in the new year.

Zach: And balancing the books at Fusion is? Here, have some sparkly fruit juice. It's good.

Kendall: I don't care if it's liquid gold. Just unlock the door and let me go, now.

Zach: Can I say something?

Kendall: You have 30 seconds.

Zach: When we had our divorce celebration in the islands, we were interrupted, and I feel cheated. And I would love a second chance.

[Beep]

Zach: Casino's unlocked. You can leave if you want to.

Erin: Um, about tonight --

Aidan: Oh, come on. It's going to be great. It's just going to be a couple of friends seeing in the new year, wishing like hell that next year's better than the last one we just survived. It's going to be a fun night out, no pressure, I promise. How does that sound? Come on. We'll have fun.

Erin: It actually sounds cool.

Aidan: Good. Come on.

Jamie: Wow, you look great. You having fun?

Amanda: The most fun ever.

Jamie: I'm glad that Babe and J.R. didn't get to you.

Amanda: They couldn't ruin this night if they tried. It's like a dream come true being here with you.

Ethan: So would it make you feel better if I dance with that girl over there? You know I could -- I could slip her my number, tell her just to hold on a second while I, you know, get rid of the old dead weight. I'd come back, tell you I'm not feeling very well, "Maybe we need to go home," drop you off, and, with a bit of luck, by midnight you'll be crying into your pillow, and I'll be scoring with the busty brunette over there.

Simone: You forgot the part about where I kick you in the nads, and you're the one that's home crying in bed at midnight.

Ethan: Look, I haven't always been a prince, but you made it very easy to become one. I have no intention of turning bad guy on you. So if you can handle a decent boyfriend who just adores the hell out of you, I'm going to keep on doing just that.

[Adam cuts in on Palmer and Krystal dancing.]

Adam: Say hello to your worst nightmare. You thought 2005 was rough? Welcome to 2006.

Babe: This is really nice.

J.R.: It is. Let me get you a drink. Excuse me, waiter?

[The waiter is Janet in disguise.]

Jonathan: That was your best skate so far, Lily!

Ryan: Whoo!

Jonathan: You made it all the way around the pound without falling once.

Lily: He means "pond."

Ryan: "Pond," yes, thank you, Lily. But he's right, he's right, you did a good job. You're a natural.

Lily: A natural what?

Jonathan: He means you're a really quick learner. Ryan, I feel so -- so much better now that you guys found Victoria, because nobody can blame me for kidnapping. 2006, it's going to be the best year ever.

Lily: Hey, we should make resolutions. My dad says everybody does it.

Jonathan: Ryan?

Ryan: Yeah? Go ahead.

Lily: Ok, well, I resolve to not get so mad at Reggie when he eats all the cereal from the cereal box and then puts the empty box back into the cupboard. Ok, your turn.

Jonathan: Well, I -- I resolve to take you skating once a week until the ice melts.

Lily: Oh, that's good. I like that one. What about you, Ryan?

Ryan: I resolve to stand by Kendall however I can.

Kendall: All right, Zach, I dare you. Make this the best divorce celebration ever.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Krystal (to Palmer): To my husband. Adam is not going to ruin my new year.

Mirror Image (to Janet): Oops.

Janet: Nighty-night, baby doll.

Zach (to Kendall): I'm going to love you till the day I die. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

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