AMC Transcript Friday 12/16/05

All My Children Transcript Friday 12/16/05

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Proofread by Gisele

Ryan: What the hell is he doing here?

Kendall: What the hell are you doing here?

Jamie: What's your name, Santa?

Amanda: Amanda.

Jamie: Where are you?

Amanda: New Beginnings.

Jamie: What are you doing?

Amanda: Working. What --

Josh: What kind of game are you playing?

Jamie: Back off. Did you just ask this jerk to help you take down Babe?

Amanda: Look, we're in the middle of a very important project. You must've heard wrong.

Jamie: No, I -- I know what I heard, and since you know exactly where you are and who you are, you can't really blame it on a black-out, can you?

Amanda: No.

Jamie: Well, that makes you the biggest liar in town.

Babe: You're not Santa Claus, you're a murderer!

J.R.: Lavery --

Jonathan: I -- I just wanted the children --

J.R.: To what? To what, to prey on innocent children?

Man: What the heck is going on?

Babe: J.R., I'm getting Little A out of here.

J.R.: I'll handle this.

Jonathan: You know, I could --

J.R.: What, did you think you were going to get away with this?

Jonathan: I wasn't trying to get with anything.

J.R.: You sick SOB. Security! Somebody call security.

Man: Who is this guy? What's going on?

Woman: If you don't believe in Santa, don't wreck it for my kid.

J.R.: Santa is a serial killer.

[Music plays]

[Cheers]

Krystal: Hey, how's about a deep-fried candy bar?

Man: Oh, nobody knows how to "par-tay" like you, Krystal. And these "can-a-pees" -- even better on the second day.

Krystal: Yeah, you got it, yeah. Hey, make sure to leave room for seconds, and I don't just mean the food.

Man: Yeah.

Woman: Hey.

Man: Hey. Come here.

Woman: Oh!

[Cheers]

Krystal: Now, that is the holiday spirit right there. What do you know, Frosty? What's with the chorus line?

Adam: As of this moment, this holiday truck stop is officially closed.

Guests: Oh!

[Laughter]

Kendall: This is none of your business, Ryan. Get out.

Ryan: You know what? You don't have to tell me what he's doing here, because I know what he's doing here. I mean, he's got you alone here. He's got you cut off from your friends and your family here.

Kendall: Ryan, Ryan, I don't want you here.

Ryan: Kendall, he's a fraud. He's a liar. You know what? Come on. Come on.

Kendall: No, no, no.

Ryan: No, no. Don't tell me I'm too late.

Kendall: Why are you even here? Did I call you? No, I don't need you, Ryan. I don't want you here.

Ryan: How many hours have you been alone with him? I'm just curious. I mean, what BS has he been feeding you?

Kendall: Would you please give me some credit?

Ryan: I'm trying to help you.

Kendall: Ok, well, then leave.

Zach: You heard the lady.

Ryan: Why, so you can finish what you started here? I mean, I heard that you came here to get a divorce.

Kendall: Remind me to throttle someone when I get home.

Ryan: Because this is really nice here. You got the flowers and the candles. You got the ocean view. You got the big suite and everything. Did you get your divorce, or do you think maybe he had something else in mind?

Zach: We're still married. Is that somehow a problem for you?

Ryan: Yes, it's a problem for me. I'm going to make a guess here, just a guess. You came down here to end your marriage. He followed you, and he started filling your head with doubts and to pick at your insecurities.

Kendall: I'm not insecure.

Ryan: He's very subtle, Kendall.

Kendall: I do exactly what I want.

Ryan: Really? But you haven't gotten the divorce yet, right? I mean, that's why you got on the plane, that's why you came down here. Am -- am I right? And now all of a sudden you're wondering if you should go through with it. I mean, tell me I'm way off. Tell me that he hasn't talked you out of your divorce, and then I will go.

J.R.: This freak of a Santa Claus murdered his own brother. He murdered Edmund Grey, the editor of "Tempo." It was all over the news. He also kidnapped three women, almost blew them up. Are you packing some heat in there, huh?

Jonathan: I'm -- I'm not the same man.

J.R.: Yeah, you sure as holly aren't Santa Claus.

Jonathan: I didn't want to set up -- upset anybody.

J.R.: Yeah? You're not so big without your bombs, are you?

Man: Where are the police? Where --

Alfred: Get your hands off my Santa!

J.R.: Alfred. Why don't you go back to your bank and let me handle this?

Alfred: I'll handle it! I'm chairman of the Chamber of Commerce Santa Land Committee, and your rabble-rousing is ruining our charity fundraiser.

J.R.: Oh, you chose this guy to cozy up to children? What, are you completely out of your mind?

Alfred: This isn't the man I hired. I don't even know him. Who are you?

Jonathan: I'm -- I'm Jonathan.

J.R.: Lavery, the triple murderer?

Alfred: Oh, dear Lord. Look, I don't know how this could've happened, I have no idea.

Jonathan: Your other Santa Claus got sick to his stomach, and when I looked at all the children in line, I -- I just didn't want them to be disappointed.

J.R.: Yeah, were you going to throw a couple in your bag, take them to the North Pole?

Jonathan: I would never do that, J.R. I wouldn't -- wouldn't hurt children.

J.R.: You wait till they're all grown up, don't you?

Jonathan: Please, I'm -- I'm real sorry. I'm going to go --

J.R.: You're not going anywhere. The court let you off on those murders. They whiffed on the death penalty. Let's see if we can't do something about that right now.

Amanda: My black-outs are real, Jamie.

Jamie: Real convenient.

Josh: Hey, Martin -- listen, man, give her a break. I was with her after one of her black-outs. She couldn't have faked it.

Jamie: Oh, that's right. You're a doctor -- kind of, but not really.

Josh: Pre-med students -- always think they know everything.

Jamie: Oh, I know Amanda.

Josh: Doesn't give you the right to rip her for lying when she's being upfront.

Jamie: Actually, I have every right. Amanda asked me to take care of her, help her if she slipped into another episode. Actually, it looks like you're doing ok by yourself.

Amanda: Ok, no black-out this time, but what I said about Babe --

Josh: You know what? So what if she went off on Babe? She was angry. It doesn't mean that she's actually going to hurt her.

Jamie: Sounded like it.

Josh: Babe has treated Amanda like chewed-up gum.

Jamie: So it's ok to make threats, hide behind this bozo?

Amanda: Ok, listen, I slammed on Babe, but she rolled in here, tried to get me fired from the only job I have. So what?

Jamie: You said you wanted to completely destroy her. Then you denied it. You know, it makes me wonder what else you're lying about. Let's see -- pushing Babe down the stairs, poisoning her at Thanksgiving. And then there's the whole fire at the bar. Ooh, and the whole deal with Kendall, hanging her off the roof in a hammock. Did you, didn't you black out? No black-out?

Amanda: Jamie, you have to believe me.

Jamie: No, no, I don't. And from what I just heard, you sound guilty as hell.

Janet: Trevor? I hope you don't mind, but I am going to open a Christmas present early -- not from you, anyway. It's just something that I cannot live without.

Krystal: Well, these guys are awful cute. But aren't they a little bit big to be elves?

[Laughter]

Adam: They're not here to stuff stockings. All right. Get this trash, all of them, out of here --

[Guests shout]

Krystal: Adam, come on now. Don't go anywhere you're not going to find your way back.

Adam: No, you're already on the far side of it, lady. Men --

Krystal: No --

Adam: On my word --

Krystal: Adam, you squeeze that toothpaste out, it's going to be awful hard to get it back in the tube.

Adam: Consider yourself squeezed. I've warned you more than once.

Krystal: Oh, come on, Adam, lighten up. Where is your sense of fun?

[Guests shout]

Adam: I'll put it on my list to Santa. Go, stand back.

Krystal: No, no. If you bust up my good time, you're going to have to go through me. Your choice. I told you, by no means whatsoever, I want these diesel-junkie freeloaders out of my house, and they're still here.

[Guests shout]

Adam: And they're multiplying like rabbits.

Krystal: Well, maybe I did invite my friends and their friends to stay, but let me remind you something. For better or worse, richer or poorer, I am your ever-loving wife, which means I can invite whomever whenever I please.

All: Yeah.

Adam: I'm kind of in the old school, and I cherish the concept that a wife loves, honors, and obeys her husband.

Krystal: Oh, well, no, I never said "obey."

[Laughter]

Adam: You get these people out of here. I cannot be held accountable for what happens to them.

Krystal: Oh.

Man: All right.

Second man: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Krystal: Whatever you say, sweet cheeks. At least it's going to be a fair fight.

Adam: My men are trained in three different martial arts.

[Guests shout]

Krystal: And they're going to need all three of them and then some.

Adam: All right, I'm going to count to 10, and if your people haven't disappeared out on the street by then, I will let loose the dogs of war. One --

Adam: Two, three, four --

Krystal: Oh, for Pete’s sake, Adam. Is your ego so pitiful you have to win even the unimportant fights?

Adam: My dear, there's no such thing as an unimportant fight.

Krystal: Oh, wrong answer. Ok, get to it, boys, and make my day!

[Guests shout]

Adam: Earn your pay! Go! Go!

[Mayhem ensues as punches are thrown by all around.]

J.R.: All right, call the cops. I want this pervert arrested.

Jonathan: I wanted to be Santa for the children.

J.R.: You know, we can get you on child-molesting.

Jonathan: No. I would never, ever do that.

Alfred: This is most unfortunate.

Jonathan: I -- I didn't do anything bad.

J.R.: Yeah, tell that to the judge. You're a lying, butchering slimeball.

Jonathan: I didn't -- didn't want the Christmas to be sad, and they're all about to cry. You ruined it.

J.R.: I'm not the murdering maniac, pal.

Jonathan: My father was a Christmas ruiner, too -- pull down the tree and stomp on the presents.

J.R.: What is he talking -- what are you talking about?

Jonathan: He was mean, too. He never -- never let anybody be happy.

J.R.: You don't deserve to be happy.

Jonathan: That's what he used to say to me -- because I disappointed him, I never deserved to be happy. You're just like him. You're a very bad man, and you're making me really angry.

J.R.: What are you going to do about it? You going to shoot me? You going to slice and dice me? I'm so scared.

Jonathan: You scared your little boy.

J.R.: I was protecting him.

Jonathan: You're -- you're a bad father.

J.R.: What are you going to do? You going to put coal in my stocking?

Jonathan: You don't deserve to have a son. Someone should take him away from you!

Alfred: Let's remember the season, goodwill toward men.

J.R.: No, he's not a man, he's an animal. I'm going to go find my son and make sure he's ok. Get that nut job out of here!

Jonathan: No, no --

Alfred: Peace on earth.

J.R.: Let's get him! Come on, we can't let him escape! Security! All right, you know what? $500 to the first person who nails him!

Zach: Since when does Kendall have to answer to you about her life?

Ryan: Don't let Slater do his number on you, Kendall. Divorce him. You'll be free. Don't second-guess yourself. You came here to end this marriage. Just do it.

Kendall: Is this -- is this fun for you? You tell me off, you follow me, you gang up on me, and then you try to make me crazy? Leave, Ryan, ok? I can do crazy by myself.

Ryan: I didn't come here to hassle you, Kendall, I came here to apologize -- about the baby. I -- I didn't realize what you went through, why you made the choices that you made.

Kendall: Oh, ok. So now you're telling me that you -- you really understand?

Ryan: Yes, I do. I do now. I mean, what you did for Greenlee -- I'm sorry.

Kendall: Apology accepted. You can go now.

Ryan: And leave you here with him? Kendall, he breaks everything he touches. He sucks the life out of everybody that he traps. What is that? Is that -- what, did he give you that? That's nice. That's nice, nice touch. Don't fall for it, Kendall. Look at Ethan, look at Maria.

Kendall: No, you are completely overreacting.

Ryan: Slater confessed to her husband's murder, Kendall, just because he was ticked off. I mean, if that isn't a clue that your husband's a little bit twisted, he pulls out a gun and he takes long-range shots at people when things aren't going his way. I mean, he's done it to me twice already -- once with Greenlee to get Ethan off the hot seat, and once with Jonathan and Erin outside the courthouse to scare us out of town. I mean, are you -- are you 100% confident that his aim isn't going to be off next time, that next time a bullet isn't going to ricochet off something and into somebody's vital organ? And if you are -- if you are, how do you take the threat that he made to me that next time he won't miss?

[Music plays]

Adam: Get up! Get -- will you get up? Fight like a man! Will you -- will somebody get up?

Krystal: Tell you what, you fought like a tiger, Floyd. Almost like that time you threw that live calf into Bumper Johnston. Remember that? Oh, is that better?

Floyd: Yeah, almost.

Krystal: Oh -- no, no, no. Now, you're real sweet, but I am a married woman -- for the moment.

Winifred: You were so brave!

Adam: Winifred. Stop giving comfort to the enemy.

Krystal: Don't listen to him, Winnie.

Adam: She's my employee.

Krystal: She's mine, too. You give him all the aid you want, honey.

Man: Ha!

Second man: Whoa.

Adam: Stop holding on to that man!

Krystal: You know what? All that brawling sure does work up an appetite. I think I'm going to get Lucretia to bring in some reinforcements for the buffet and crack another keg.

[Cheers]

Krystal: Yeah! Hey -- hey, guys? That goes for you, too, you know. Everybody's welcome, no matter who you work for.

Adam: They don't work for me. You're all fired. Get out of my house.

Krystal: No, no, no, no.

Adam: Get out!

Krystal: Hold on, boys. No, you're on my payroll now, so you just eat up.

[Cheers]

Krystal: You ready to cry "uncle"?

Adam: You haven't won anything, Krystal. The party's over. They lost, you lost, and your daughter lost.

Krystal: Oh, just stick a deep-fried candy bar in it, Adam.

Adam: I will get my home back, and I will get my life back if I have to kick you into kingdom come.

Krystal: All right, you listen up, buttercup. Until you stop spitting poison about Babe into J.R.’s ear, things are going to get so bad you are going to beg for bamboo under your fingernails to take the pain away.

Singer: Christmas a jingle bell campfire

Babe: It's ok, Little A. Mommy will make sure no bad man ever gets near you again.

J.R.: If Jonathan Lavery is not caught in one hour, I'll have every Chandler lawyer on your tail. You'll be off the Santa Land Committee, off the Chamber of Commerce, and out of a job.

Alfred: But the Pine Valley Savings and Trust has had a long and productive relationship with Chandler Enterprises.

J.R.: And that means zilch until Jonathan's caught.

Babe: Oh, wait -- what, Jonathan got away?

J.R.: Not for long. Listen, you catch Jonathan, or Chandler Enterprises pulls every account out of your bank.

Alfred: I can hardly be held accountable for whether or not the police get their man.

Babe: Well, that man could've taken my child or someone else's child. He's way too dangerous to be left on the street.

Alfred: But he didn't do anything wrong. I talked to the parents. Nobody got hurt.

J.R.: Oh, so he didn't kidnap or murder anyone. Charge him for fraud.

Alfred: Mr. Chandler, if we arrested people for pretending to be Santa Claus, every December the jails would be full.

J.R.: Do you think this is funny?

Alfred: It's unfortunate, but thanks to your wife -- your former wife -- Jonathan Lavery did no harm that we know of.

Babe: But he could've. How do we know that he won't?

Alfred: I will stay extra close to the police on this one, I assure you. And, Mrs. Chandler -- Carey -- Babe, you have my sincerest apologies. On behalf of the Chamber of Commerce, we had no idea that Jonathan Lavery pulled a switch with our Santa. It won't happen again.

Babe: He was right there holding Little A. I know exactly what Jonathan Lavery is capable of. I saw it when he went after Bianca. It was -- she was scared to death.

J.R.: It's over, Babe. I'll put a call in. I'll put Frye’s men on notice. They better have Jonathan Lavery by tonight.

[Little Adam babbles]

J.R.: All right. What are you doing?

Babe: Not letting go.

J.R.: Babe, we've had enough drama for one day. Let me take Little Adam home.

Babe: You put our son in Jonathan Lavery's hands.

J.R.: What? The suit, the beard! I didn't recognize him!

Babe: And if you would've been paying attention, you would've. J.R., you put our son in danger, and not for the first time. Now, I am through being the obedient little mouse that does whatever you and your lawyers say. I'm going home with you and Little A.

Josh: Since when do you get to play judge, jury, and shrink?

Amanda: It's all right, Josh.

Josh: No, it's not. Every time I turn around, you're letting some woman have it because she couldn't live up to your level of perfection. Get over yourself, Martin. People aren't perfect, even you.

Jamie: Glad to see you're not shooting for the title.

Josh: At least I get it. You tried to rule Babe's life, now you're on to Amanda's? At least Babe was smart enough to get rid of you.

Amanda: Jamie really has been trying to help me.

Josh: Oh, don't fall for it, Amanda.

Jamie: Since when did you come to the Amanda party? Last time I checked, you were Babe's great champion, and now you're her enemy's protector?

Josh: This is so like déjà vu. You know what, this is déjà vu. I've been here with you and Babe.

Jamie: You know what? Yeah, but thank you for leaving your clothes on this time.

Josh: You know what?

Amanda: Ok, Josh --

Josh: I'd love to take care of this guy and his holier-than-thou act!

Amanda: I don't want you to get in trouble. Stop. Stop.

Josh: I got to take care of something for Erica. You want this guy out of here?

Amanda: I'll be all right.

Josh: Are you sure?

Jamie: So what'll it be, Amanda? The hospital or the cops?

Zach: You seem to have it all figured out.

Ryan: You know what? Maybe it'll land a little better on you if it comes out of his mouth. Go ahead, go ahead, make the threat again, just in front of Kendall here, just like you did before.

Kendall: Zach, did you threaten to kill Ryan?

Zach: Mm-hmm.

Ryan: Kendall, you have a child growing inside you. How can you even consider being with someone that thinks so little of human life?

Zach: I think more of it than your brother does.

Ryan: You got to go through with this divorce, Kendall. I mean, you think that you know him, you think that you can handle him, and then one morning you're going to wake up, and it's going to be too late, Kendall. Just get out while you can.

Zach: I like that. That was good. That was a good speech. What are you going to offer Kendall? What, is it support or friendship? Marriage? Is that why you're pushing for this divorce? So you can marry the mother of your child?

Ryan: Whatever I have to say to Kendall is between me and Kendall. I mean, I guess if she chooses to tell you, that's your choice.

Zach: That didn't sound like a marriage proposal.

Kendall: Um -- Zach, will you excuse us for a minute, please?

Zach: You don't have to do this. Excuse me.

Kendall: Ok, you have apologized to me, and you have insulted Zach. Aren't you all talked out now?

Ryan: I was wrong.

Kendall: Great, ok, works for me. You can go back to Pine Valley and make it by dinner.

Ryan: Kendall, I get why you conceived this child. I get it. You did it because you love Greenlee that much. No secret reasons, no selfish reasons. Just a baby. I mean, I still can't even believe it.

Kendall: Yeah, well, hurling every day makes it real.

Ryan: I'm not -- I'm not quite at "real" just yet. But I want you to know that whatever you decide -- to have it or not to -- I'm not going to pressure you. I know -- I know things have been really crazy lately. I just want you to know that I am with you 100%.

Kendall: No matter what?

Ryan: I didn't expect to find you with Zach.

Kendall: Yeah, well, if you stayed in Pine Valley like a good boy, you would not have walked in and saw what you thought you saw. So, please, can you just go home? Please go, Ryan.

Ryan: Will you just give me two more minutes, two more minutes before you completely destroy your life?

Kendall: I have had so many people telling me what to do with my life, I don't need any more.

Ryan: I care about you. I do. I care about you too much for you to ruin your life like this.

Kendall: Well, I can take care of myself. But I will give you two minutes just because.

[Zach recalls his recent conversations with Kendall.]

Kendall's voice: You have been the nicest, best husband I could ever ask for. I don't want it to end this way.

Kendall's voice: That makes you the only person who's ever believed that I know what I'm doing.

Zach: I love you, and I don't want this marriage to end. It's as simple as that.

[Music plays]

Adam: Whatever you got, bring it on.

Krystal: Honey, I didn't even bring both barrels and you're limping.

Adam: Oh, this? No, this is just a learning experience, nothing more.

Krystal: Well, for a billionaire, you sure are a slow learner.

Adam: I never forget! And I certainly will never underestimate you again.

Krystal: Oh, no, well, don't expect a gold star. We should be singing Christmas carols, stuffing stockings, drinking hot spiced wine and stoking the fire! Instead, we got the war of the worlds on our hands, because you hate me so much.

Adam: I don't hate -- you. I hate the man that takes my parking place at the office. I hate the man who uses his cell phone in the box next to me at a baseball game, but I don't hate you. I loathe you, I detest you. I abominate you. Mark my words, you will come down.

Singer: Hey hey, yeah, St. Nick

Krystal: If I am going down, it is going to be one heck of a ride. Hey, hey, could I -- could I use your phone? Thank you.

Man: Sure, sure. Come on, come on.

Krystal: Ok, just you wait. Just you wait.

Amanda: I am not crazy, Jamie. Please do not say that I am.

Jamie: I didn't.

Amanda: You just gave me the choice of a psych ward or a jail cell.

Jamie: No, I never said anything about a psych ward. You need help, Amanda. This could be physical. The hospital is the best place --

Amanda: Forget it!

Jamie: If you're hurting people or you're not and you don't realize it, either way, we need to find out.

Amanda: That's why I'm staying with you, so you can watch me.

Jamie: Well, it's kind of hard to do that when I don't know if you're lying or when you're being straight with me.

Amanda: Ok, you want me to be straight up? I hate Babe. You know that.

Jamie: You can't blame her, because I didn't marry you. That was never going to happen. Drugs or no drugs, bottom line, I just don't want to get married. And I don't love you.

Amanda: Sorry to be such a drag. I'll pack my stuff up after work and go back to Myrtle.

Jamie: Wait. You say your black-outs are real, right?

Amanda: They scare me.

Jamie: Do you have any idea what causes them?

Amanda: Some voodoo curse that Babe puts on -- no.

Jamie: Do you think they're going to get any worse?

Amanda: I don't want to think about it.

Jamie: Amanda, we have to find out what causes them. If they started because of the car accident, that means that we can make them stop. Then you don't have to be afraid of what you did or might do.

Amanda: It makes sense, I guess.

Jamie: I know you're scared. But if we go to the hospital, they're just going to run some tests.

Josh: What, before the electroshock therapy?

Jamie: Are -- are you for real?

Amanda: Jamie would never do that to me.

Josh: But you're not for sure, right? I mean, he's ticked at you half the time. Now he's your best friend? Why take the chance?

Jamie: Shouldn't you be sucking up to Erica or something?

Josh: You know, you go with Jamie on this one, he'll have you hooked up to the zapper.

Jamie: He's trying to scare you, Amanda.

Josh: You'll be fried chicken, Amanda. You'll be so juiced you won't even bother Babe again, because you won't remember who she is. Hell, you won't remember who you are.

Jamie: Here's a great idea -- don't listen to the jerk.

Josh: He's playing you. He doesn't care about you. He's all about saving Babe.

Amanda: I should've known.

Jamie: Amanda, come on, wait. Amanda! Do you have any idea what you just did?

Janet: Hello, beautiful daughter. This is your loving mother. I just wanted to let you know that I hate, hate, hate that you are not going to be home for Christmas. But your father and I wanted to warn you not to expect your usual nice package all wrapped in that candy-cane-pink paper, because this year your gift is just too special to ship. I love you. Have a merry, merry, merry! Bye.

Babe: There's my boy, all safe at home. My most handsome man ever. What is it? Is that your buddy? I like Mr. Horse.

J.R.: Is that Krystal's idea of a party?

Babe: So cute, huh?

J.R.: Smells like a beer hall down there. Half the guests are passed out.

Babe: You were such a good boy today. You know that?

J.R.: My dad's nowhere to be seen, Krystal's down there playing prom queen --

Babe: You're the bravest boy.

J.R.: To some truckers.

Babe: And Santa is going to give you so many presents for Christmas, I just know it. You slip off to sugarplum land, my big boy. And while you do that, Mommy is going to talk to Daddy in the other room. You know what about? Look at that. Isn't that the cutest nose ever? Because Daddy's record at keeping Mommy’s one and only pumpykins extra-special safe hasn't been too good.

J.R.: Knock it off, Babe.

Babe: Has it? And Daddy -- he won't admit it, but he has been a very, very distracted boy.

J.R.: Don't dis me in front of my son.

Babe: Okey-dokey, artichokie. There are going to be the cutest little changes around here, and I'm not just talking about baby's little diappies. Ok? Sweet dreams. Love you.

J.R.: What was that all about?

Babe: You don't know? You can't figure it out?

J.R.: Why don't you go downstairs and get a date? Floyd looked like fun.

Babe: What is it with you, J.R.? How can you be right there with our son, not even two feet away, and not be 100% there? We almost lost him once because you were distracted on the phone. What happened today?

J.R.: Look, I screwed up, ok? I should've known it was Lavery right off.

Babe: Jonathan Lavery killed people, J.R.! And then when I saw his hands on our son, and I just can't help but flash back to him going after Bianca and Miranda -- that look in his eyes, the anger. J.R., it --

J.R.: Shh, shh, shh. Little Adam’s fine. It's going to be ok, I'll make sure of it.

Ryan: When Zach says he cares about a woman, don't think, don't hesitate, just run as fast and as far as you can.

Kendall: No, I can handle Zach.

Ryan: I hate to puncture your ego, Kendall, but he's got, like, six motives for everything.

Kendall: Ok, Zach married me to stick it to Ethan and to get his gaming licenses back. There, Ryan -- eyes wide open. Can you please go now?

Ryan: Yeah, that's motive number one. He's using you, Kendall. He's using you to get back at the people that he hates. I just want you to think for one second. When did he start getting all warm and fuzzy with you?

Kendall: I don't know. I'll check my book. I'm sure I have it written down somewhere.

Ryan: Was it around the time the truth about the baby came out? I'm just saying, the timing. Doesn't it make you think even a little bit that maybe he's using you to get back at me?

Kendall: Right, of course. Go, make it all about you, Ryan.

Krystal: Not just me, not just me. Erica, Jack, Ethan -- everybody that he hates. Anything that he said to you, that he's promised to you -- he's about power and control, and I will not stand here and let him step all over you to get that.

Zach: Pack up your cape and go home. No one here needs rescuing. You're done.

Bianca: Oh, what's up? We're going to go.

[Doorbell rings]

Bianca: We're going to go soon.

Myrtle: Oh.

Bianca: Merry Christmas, Myrtle.

Myrtle: It feels -- it feels as if I've got Christmas here already.

Bianca: Aw.

Myrtle: You and Miranda! Oh, she's an angel.

Bianca: I know.

Myrtle: And so are you.

Miranda: There go snow!

Myrtle: Your mama --

Bianca: I know, there's snow outside. Isn't it amazing?

Myrtle: Your mama must be so thrilled, darling.

Miranda: Come on, let's go! Let's go outside!

Bianca: Oh, um, Mom doesn't know I'm here yet, actually.

Miranda: Let's go outside.

Bianca: No, we're inside here now, sweetie. I -- I came straight to you, Myrtle.

Myrtle: Did you?

Bianca: I did. Please tell me what's going on with Kendall.

Myrtle: Oh.

Kendall: Ok, that's it. Enough, I've had it!

Zach: How many times does she have to say it? Kendall doesn't need you to make up her mind for her.

Ryan: You got her mind so twisted, she doesn't know what she wants.

Kendall: Stop it, stop it, ok? Ryan, I did not ask you to come here and interfere.

Ryan: You're right, Kendall, but your brain is just a little scrambled right now.

Kendall: No, my brain is fine.

Ryan: You think that you can trust him, you think that you can depend on him, believe him, and you can't.

Kendall: Listen to me, I don't need either one of you to defend me or take care of me. I can take care of myself. I don't -- I don't want you to protect me, and I don't want you to protect me. The last thing I need is two gorillas just beating up on each other. No, please, just let me take care of myself, let me live my own life, and just leave me alone, both of you!

[Music plays]

Krystal: Adam, come on, baby! What you got? Dance!

Adam: I've got work to do, Krystal!

[Doorbell rings]

Adam: Winifred! The door, Winifred! Great. Great. Just in time for the roadkill special.

Palmer: Adam, don't expect a Christmas greeting.

Adam: Go away, Palmer.

Palmer: No, no, no, but I've been invited. Yes, I have, by the irresistible Krystal, and I've never been able to say no to her!

Adam: Try harder.

Palmer: Ooh -- looks like you're having quite a party in there. Well, I just happen to have the entire board of trustees of Chandler Enterprises with me. Gentlemen, welcome! Welcome to the Chandler annual Christmas party.

[Cheers]

Josh: You're such a hypocrite. You got Amanda totally thinking you give a damn about her. All you care about is Babe. No big deal if Amanda ends up compost.

Jamie: The girl needs help.

Josh: What, into a straitjacket? Give it up, Martin. You're the problem, not the solution.

Jamie: Ok, and you're the answer?

Josh: You kick her every time she's down. I got her this job. I'm there when she needs me.

Jamie: That's because there's something in it for you. If Amanda has half a brain, she'll quit this job and lose you before she loses everything.

Babe: This isn't going to change anything, J.R. I'm taking my son away.

Little Adam: Who's it? Who is that? Who is it? Who is it? Who's the -- whose doggy? Whose doggy? Who's that?

[In the baby's nursery, someone wearing a Santa suit opens the secret passageway door.]

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Babe: I lied to you, J.R. I do want to marry you.

Krystal (to Adam: See, I brought you a little present today.

Adam: Krystal, don't do it. Whatever it is, don't --

Krystal: You are going to get it tonight.

Greg (to Erica): I'm not here to harm you. I'm still very much in love with you.

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