AMC Transcript Tuesday 9/27/05

All My Children Transcript Tuesday 9/27/05


Provided By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

J.R.: Where the hell have you been?

Adam: Out.

J.R.: You took the jet. You look beat. Must've been some trip. How about a nightcap over the details, huh?

Adam: Well, I was -- I was out, and now I'm -- I'm in. I'm out, in, in, out, in.

J.R.: Are you all right?

Adam: Never mind.

David: You with a lab coat, me with a mop. Now, what is wrong with this picture?

Jamie: Works for me.

David: Having trouble? I actually am a doctor. I can help you with all those big words. Let's see -- "MD." There you go. Now you try.

Jamie: I would love to go a couple rounds with you, but, you see, I have to get these results back to my grandfather, who is actually a licensed practicing doctor.

David: You walked away from my daughter for that coat and a pile of money. I hope playing doctor was worth losing Babe for.

Babe: Is Adam home?

J.R.: He's asleep in his crib.

Babe: Your dad, brain bag.

J.R.: What, you came all the way over here to see if my dad's tucked in?

Babe: It's the weirdest thing. Mama called me, she's all amped. She says to get over here, it's something about your father.

J.R.: Well, I don't know what you and your mama are up to, but do it someplace else.

Danielle: I couldn't have handled my mom's wedding even for a second without you there, especially your right hook.

Josh: Yeah, well, the guy stepped into my life as well as yours. It was worth every bruise.

Amanda: What kind of rodent are you? You bust up Babe's engagement, now on to the next hookup?

Danielle: Excuse me?

Amanda: Oh, you just move on like nothing ever happened?

Josh: What do you want, Amanda?

Amanda: Where do you get off? You are a total waste.

Danielle: I don't know who you are, but if you want to trash Josh, you go through me.

Babe: What did your dad do to my mama?

J.R.: What?

Krystal: Oh -- oh, baby doll, I am glad you're here!

Babe: Mama, what the heck is going on? I was so worried about you.

J.R.: Yes, Krystal, don't keep us in suspense. Get it over with so I can get to bed.

Krystal: Well, your daddy and I had some kind of trip. Give your new stepmother a big hug.

Babe: What have you done, Mama?

Krystal: Well, I guess you could both call me "Mama" now. Adam and I got married.

J.R.: Dad? Get down here now!

Tad: Whoever this guy is, you got to stop protecting him.

Di: Would you stop attacking me?

Tad: I can't think of anything else to do. I've tried begging, I've tried pleading, I've tried reasoning. The Dragon just turned your ex-boyfriend into sushi, and he's going to do the same thing to Julia.

Di: She'll be safe.

Tad: How can you say that? You just told me he's going to kill Julia. What's changed in the last three minutes?

Di: She's in Witness Protection now, Tad. They'll take care of her, they have to.

Tad: What about you? This makes you door number three. This is a guy that likes his loose ends dead, and he's going to have his way unless we stop him. So who the hell is he?

Zach: Be a good girl, Dixie. Help us nail this son of a bitch before we have to buy you a coffin.

Garret: It's a little late to be hitchhiking. You know, anybody could've stopped. Lucky for you it was me.

Julia: I appreciate it.

Garret: Where in Philly you headed?

Julia: Sansom Street. You going anywhere near there?

Garret: I'll get you just where you need to be.

J.R.: This -- this is bogus. There's no way my dad would ever marry you.

Krystal: Read the fine print.

Babe: Mama, did -- did you want this to happen?

Krystal: Well, according to all the witnesses in the bar, I was all for it about 3:45 in the AM. Of course, since then, my excitement has waned a bit.

Adam: Oh, you again.

Krystal: There's going to be a whole lot more of me again in your future, sweet cheeks.

J.R.: Dad, tell me that this isn't true, please.

Adam: There were extenuating circumstances.

Krystal: Your dad extenuated himself, all right.

Babe: Oh --

Adam: You shut it, Krystal! There is an explanation, a good one. I just haven't found it yet.

J.R.: Congratulations. You in on this?

Babe: Are you crazy? There's no way I want any more of that demento fox messing up our lives. What where you thinking, Mama?

Krystal: I wasn't thinking, I was drinking.

Babe: Oh.

Krystal: He poured so much moonshine down my throat that I thought that fluffy, white hair was clouds passing across the moon.

Adam: Oh, for Pete’s sake.

Krystal: And he squeezed my hand, he told me my eyes were like limpid pools.

Adam: Like cesspools.

Krystal: Yeah, he told me he wanted me in every possible way and then some.

J.R.: All right, we get it.

Krystal: And then he did the dirtiest trick of all. He got down on one knee, and he begged me to marry him -- tears in his eyes!

Adam: There were no tears.

J.R.: Oh, this is bull. You gamed him.

Krystal: No, there's a videotape to prove it. I'm the victim.

J.R.: You could've said no.

Krystal: Sonny, a woman has not been born that could turn down a proposal like that.

Adam: You could've tried a little harder.

Krystal: You insisted.

Adam: You egged me on. That come hither thing you do with your eyes? There it is. There it --

Krystal: It was smoky.

Adam: Yeah, next thing I know, it's morning and we're married. She set me up every step of the way.

Krystal: Don't you lay this on me, Adam. You have been sniffing around me for a good long while.

Adam: I've got allergies.

Krystal: You got Krystal on the brain.

Adam: You wanted this.

Krystal: Oh, like a bad rash.

Adam: All right, so shoot me now. Shoot me. No, better yet -- shoot her.

Krystal: Huh. Next best thing to being your wife is being your widow.

J.R.: All right, shut up!

Babe: And get a divorce already.

Amanda: What's with the bodyguard?

Josh: Amanda Dillon, Danielle Frye.

Danielle: Whatever.

Amanda: Likewise.

Josh: Oh, is this where you two get to fight over me, huh? Go ahead. I got to warn you, though, my money's on Dani.

Amanda: Are you done trying to be funny, because I need to talk to you alone.

Josh: Dani, you mind?

Danielle: Don't expect there to be any fries left.

Josh: I'll get the next round. You happy?

Amanda: Not yet.

Josh: Oh, your play for Jamie hit the wall already?

Amanda: Where'd that come from?

Josh: Well, you're alone, it's late. You're sticking your bad attitude in other people's business.

Amanda: Jamie is studying to be a doctor, ok? He works crazy medical hours. But when he's not studying or in the hospital, we are together. Some days we don't even get out of bed.

Josh: Poor Amanda. I got to tell you something. You may have a lock on his body, but you don't have it on his heart. Jamie is nowhere near over Babe.

Jamie: Let me get this right. You hated me living with Babe, you hated me marrying her even more, and now that it's over, you hate that most of all? Why? Is it because I'm suddenly rich?

David: Maybe I just hate you on general principle.

Jamie: What really burns you -- I'm on my way of getting my MD. I'm getting everything you lost, and you're still going to be here pushing a mop.

David: No, no, no. You think you know me so well, don't you?

Jamie: Nope, I don't do mental health. Psych ward's upstairs.

David: Ah, there it is -- the Martin mouth. Just like your daddy.

Jamie: Thanks. Catch me in a good mood, and I'm even funnier.

David: No, you're arrogant, and you're ignorant and sanctimonious. That's a dangerous combination, kid. Look what it's done for Tad.

Jamie: You're just ticked, because you get nothing but his dust. Man, it must suck to be you. Tad even got the love of your life -- Dixie.

David: You really think so, huh?

Di: I'm not in danger.

Zach: Right. She lies so well, even to herself.

Tad: That's it. Back off, Zach.

Zach: Why are you still defending her? The Dragon just killed her ex-boyfriend. You still don't think she's lying?

Tad: Like I said, back off. It's a private party.

Zach: Yeah, what are you celebrating, Julia being brought in? Word has it she owes it all to you.

Di: I was trying to protect her. I didn't want this to happen.

Zach: Great, then where the hell is she?

Tad: She's gone. She's on her way to a federal facility.

Zach: She's what? You did this. Nice work. Oh, what a team, huh? How's it feel to screw someone up who trusted her life to you, both of you?

Tad: At least she won't be in a place that'll get shot up like Wildwind -- on your watch.

Zach: I got her out of there. I didn't hand her over to the Feds.

Tad: Well, the good news is she's going to be safe. The bad news is you're just going to have to find another way to impress Maria.

Zach: You really think Julia's going to be safe?

Di: Why wouldn't she be?

Mimi: What? How long ago? Well, what were you thinking? Why weren't you both watching her? I'll call in an APB, and don't come back without her!

Zach: Did you lose something?

Mimi: Oh, why are you here?

Tad: Where's Julia?

Di: Was she -- was she taken? Did she run away?

Mimi: This is police business, so why don't you all clear out and let us do our jobs?

Zach: Sure, it's been going well so far, right?

Tad: He's got a point. You push us out in the cold, everybody's going to lose, all bets are off. If Julia calls any of us, it's finder's keepers all over again.

Julia: Uh -- I changed my mind. Let me out now.

Garret: We're in the middle of nowhere.

Julia: This isn't the way to Philadelphia.

Garret: I can explain that.

Julia: Save it. Just let me out now.

Julia: Pull over.

Garret: I will, but first I want to tell you a story.

Julia: Skip to the happy ending and let me out.

Garret: It's about Bagheera.

Julia: What's a Bagheera?

Garret: You know who he is. You miss him every day and so do I.

Julia: I don't know what you're talking about.

Garret: Bagheera and I were childhood friends since our finger-painting days. Reading, writing, 'rithmetic, all the way up through to high school graduation -- mine, at least. I nicknamed him Bagheera after the panther in "Jungle Book." You knew him as Noah.

Julia: Hmm. Well, then you'd know his nickname for you.

Garret: Oh, yeah -- "Styles." You know, even at 15, I knew how to turn it out.

Julia: I've heard about you. Well, why the big mystery? Why not be upfront about it?

Garret: I wanted to get out of Pine Valley, go somewhere safe where we can stop and talk.

Julia: You're a few years older than Noah.

Garret: Yeah, about three. Huh. Noah always wanted to hang tough with the big dogs, though.

Julia: Yeah, he said that when you graduated, you left town, he felt like he lost a brother.

Garret: I wanted to take him with me, but he was only 15. Never thought I'd see him again, but leave it to Bagheera to track you down after a few years.

Julia: You saw Noah? He never mentioned it.

Garret: After he came out of Witness Protection.

Julia: Why did he look you up?

Garret: Got money now, influence. He wanted me to help him nail the guy who, you know, put you two in hell. I'm glad I could help.

Julia: Except Noah's dead.

Garret: He said he had a contact, a friend. He wouldn't let me come along, thought I'd scare the guy off. Then he was -- well, we tried to find you. But Witness Protection didn't even want to admit you existed. I mean, how does a married guy not leave a widow? But no one had an answer.

Julia: Why are you doing this? You can walk away, go back to your nice, safe life.

Garret: I can't. Not until I settle the score with the person who's taken away the best friend I ever had.

Mimi: In a split second Julia was gone.

Tad: Well, at least she's in control again.

Mimi: It'll get her killed. So why don't you all go home and let me get back to my work?

Di: Yeah, you just got married. Why don't you go find your husband, go start your honeymoon?

Zach: Mm-hmm. Leave this mess to somebody else. Julia's out there with no food, no money, and no protection.

Mimi: My team is all over this.

Zach: Your team is a bunch of jackasses. This is it, Dixie. You're up. What's the name?

Mimi: What name?

Tad: Not one word. You keep up this harassment, I'm going to have Dixie press kidnapping charges.

Mimi: Wait, you kidnapped Dixie?

Zach: You want to share a cell with me? Because obstruction leaves a big dent in a PI's reputation.

Mimi: You want to tell me about it?

Zach: Sure. He was hiding Julia in his attic when she ran away.

Tad: No. I was hiding Julia in my attic after she ran away from you.

Zach: If Julia dies, it's on your head and that of your lying ex-wife.

Tad: She's not a liar. She's just as much a victim as Julia.

Zach: Dixie is here, Julia is not. Who do you think is going to stay alive longer?

Mimi: Look, time-out! What the hell are you talking about?

Zach: This one here knows the name of the person that's after Julia.

Garret: I know it's a lot to ask, but I want you to trust me.

Julia: Can't even trust you to get me to Philly.

Garret: We can help each other.

Julia: I don't need your help.

Garret: Look, I couldn't save Noah. Please, let me save you. Let me help you escape from the trap you're stuck in.

Julia: How did you know where to find me?

Amanda: Ok, so y move in on Babe so fast, and then total fizzle. Not exactly the firecracker I expected.

Josh: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want to burn a house down or explode in someone's face.

Amanda: I have got Jamie exactly where I want him. What is taking you so long with Babe?

Josh: I was right. Jamie's not all the way on your hook yet, is he? Probably not even close. And you want to make sure Babe's completely out of the picture so Jamie’s only got eyes for you.

Amanda: Oh, I've got way more than his eyes. But I want his complete and total attention, no boring distractions.

Josh: Yeah, well, I don't live my life to your game plan.

Amanda: It is the total score for you. She's hot, she's into you.

Josh: I like Babe, but I am not a vulture. And whether you like it or not, Babe is in love with Jamie.

Jamie: Even you can't bust up love like that.

David: There it is. Right there. So Martin, so pious -- the sermon, the attitude. But you got it all wrong, kid. Tad doesn't have Dixie any more than you've got Babe. But you still got it bad, don't you?

Jamie: Not a chance.

David: Good. Because I thank God every single day that my daughter got away from you.

Jamie: Yeah, and right into the fire.

David: What is that supposed to mean?

Jamie: I really don't care what Babe does anymore. It's not like she ever listened to me, anyway. We're done. But if you love your daughter, stop her from going more extreme than she usually does.

David: Babe is doing just fine without you. I've got no worries.

Jamie: Do you still hate J.R. as much as you hate me?

David: Even more. But I have the ammunition that's going to blow J.R. into the next galaxy.

Jamie: Good. Then load up. Stop your daughter before she goes after him.

David: "Before she goes after him"? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Jamie: Babe plans to marry J.R. again.

Babe: You have got to get a divorce.

Krystal: Don't I know it. I have totally humiliated the Carey name.

Adam: No easy task.

J.R.: Yeah.

Krystal: The sooner we end this, the better.

Adam: A divorce would be lovely.

Babe: Ok.

Adam: Perfect cap for a perfect weekend.

Babe: Fine, great. Then let's get to it.

J.R.: Look, we have a whole stable of divorce lawyers. We'll loan you one and even pay for it.

Babe: Oh, yes, you will pay for it, but I get to choose him or her. I'm not going to put up with your usual funny business.

Krystal: This is funny enough.

Babe: Mama, don't you worry. I'm going to have this taken care of, I'm going to call some lawyers, have one here in a jiff, and this will be over.

Krystal: Not so fast, baby doll. Now, I have suffered in this marriage.

Adam: Blame the rotgut.

Krystal: Living with Adam --

Adam: One night.

Krystal: It's been a total nightmare.

Adam: You weren't alone, sister.

Krystal: You see? You see what I've had to put up with? The disrespect? The emotional abuse?

Adam: If anyone was abused, it was --

Babe: Ok, you two! You're upset. We're just -- we're going to let the lawyers work out the details. It'll be over before we know it.

J.R.: All right, you know, Babe's right. You both made a mistake, you regret it. We'll clean it up. End of marriage, end of story.

Krystal: He is not going to use me and then just toss me aside. No, wife deserves something.

Adam: I told you to forget it. No deal.

Krystal: All I want is what any respectable, married woman wants -- half of all her husband's assets.

Tad: Do yourself a favor, ignore him. He's obviously had too much caffeine and read too many conspiracy theories. Why don't you go drink some decaf? We're going home.

Zach: Check the facts, Captain. This one spent the last year in prison under the name of Di Kirby, because she failed to testify against her now-dead ex-boyfriend, Kevin Sturgess. If you want information, don't go looking for Julia. It's all in her head.

Mimi: Well? You're awfully quiet for someone who knows so much. You have anything to say?

Di: I didn't tell the grand jury anything, because I don't know anything.

Mimi: So what exactly was your relationship with Kevin Sturgess?

Di: I was his girlfriend, not his secretary. I don't know what his business was with the man you're looking for.

Tad: Not one more word.

Zach: Why? You afraid of what's going to come out?

Tad: No, not at all. As a matter of fact, if you want to start tossing around dirt -- Mimi, do me a favor. Send a squad car around to Wildwind and check out the mausoleum. Third crypt on the right, there's a fresh body in it, not a Marick. If there's a gun, dust it for prints. They'll be his.

Zach: Where'd you get that story?

Tad: Julia. She was there, remember? And if that doesn't work out, ask his wife. I'm sure Kendall will back me up. Now, if we're done here --

Mimi: Hold it, nobody leaves the station.

Garret: Now, if you had stayed in the program, I probably never would've found you. Lucky for me you turned up in Pine Valley.

Julia: It didn't exactly make headlines.

Garret: Yeah, well, the cops and the gunfire at Wildwind did -- my first clue you couldn't have been too far away. And I knew the Feds would be close behind. So I bought myself a cop to tip me off when the suits reeled you back in.

Julia: You talk as if it was just a matter of time.

Garret: Well, look how things worked out. I mean, I got the heads-up, waited outside the station, followed the transport car. Too bad about that engine trouble, huh?

Julia: You? How'd you know I'd run?

Garret: It's what Noah would've done.

Julia: Noah had another old friend, Jimmy. Did you know him?

Garret: Must've been after I took off.

Julia: Noah trusted him, and Noah ended up dead. How do I know you're not another Jimmy?

Garret: You don't. But if you want out, there's a rest stop coming up right up here. But I'm not going to let this go, Julia. I'm following a lead to New York as we speak.

Julia: What's your lead?

Garret: That's need-to-know, and not until the Holland Tunnel.

Julia: Jimmy's dead. Before he died, he said something about The Dragon. Do you know anything about that?

Garret: Odd name. Any idea what it means?

Julia: Not a clue. Noah told me a story once about how he and Styles borrowed a car for a joyride.

Garret: Hmm.

Julia: And when the cops pulled you over, you rolled down the window and ordered a burger and fries.

Garret: Yeah, well, if Noah told you the whole story, he would've told you he was driving. Matter of fact, it was his first time behind the wheel. He was the only one feeling the joy.

Julia: But you took the hit for borrowing the car.

Garret: Well, he was going to be in enough trouble from his Aunt Grace. Thought I'd spare him some grief.

Julia: Noah told me that was the day he knew he could trust you.

Garret: Do you trust me yet? Did I pass the test? Me and Noah -- no one could've been tighter. I wish it could've stayed that way. All right, here's a rest stop coming up ahead. Hey, if you want to go, you're free to do so, but my offer still stands. I think we can go get this guy together. But if you want to walk, I get it. All right, just promise me you'll keep yourself somewhere safe.

Julia: Your lead's a whole lot more than I got. Let's do it.

Garret: We'll get him. Hey, why don't you grab us some snacks, all right? I'll fill up the tank. Don't get lost.

Josh: Don't kid yourself. Babe and Jamie can't just turn off that kind of love, even if they wanted to. The best you and I can hope for is a rebound.

Amanda: See, I never got that. In basketball, if you snag a rebound, you still get a chance to shoot and score.

Josh: Yeah, well, no way am I signing on to be Babe's rebound boy. If you want to chase after Jamie’s wallet, go right ahead. Just don't ask me for an assist.

Amanda: Jamie gets me. He knows that I can't go back to my folks, I can't go back to that life. I want to stay here and build a real life, a home.

Josh: Yeah, with Jamie paying the mortgage.

Amanda: Well, there's nothing wrong with four bedrooms and a pool -- and a maid. But it's not all about the money. I deserve a chance at a real life, and I can have that with Jamie.

Josh: Good spin, but you know something? I don't give a damn, and you deserve whatever you get or don't get from Jamie.

David: Babe hates J.R. almost as much as I do. I mean, she would never fall for him again after what he pulled.

Jamie: And just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber. Babe wants to trick J.R. into marrying her. If she has a ring on her finger, she gets full-time with Little Adam.

David: No way. Babe and J.R. can't even stand to be in the same room together, let alone the same bed, even if it meant more time with Little Adam. That's impossible.

Jamie: She's already playing J.R. I know, I busted her on it -- not that it did any good. And you know what J.R. can do to her. If he finds out what she's up to, she may not live long enough to regret it.

J.R.: You're not going to get half a dime.

Adam: What -- what don't you understand about "not a chance in Hades"?

Krystal: I told you to show some manners or you might as well throw in some of those fancy antiques for my pain and my suffering.

J.R.: Well, this is crazy.

Adam: Yeah, I gave you a ride home. Come on, consider us even.

Krystal: You have some kind of nerve on you!

Adam: Here, let me sweeten the pot. Here we go.

Krystal: Oh --

Adam: Come on. Nah. Now, go away.

Krystal: I have quite the sweet tooth, Adam. So I am staying married, and I am staying right here until you give up half of all things Chandler, including this big old pile of marble.

Adam: With your ego and my money, we might as well give North Korea the bomb.

Krystal: Good thing I like kimchi.

J.R.: All right, you know what? Let's negotiate here. What's your bottom line?

Krystal: 50%, 5-0.

J.R.: All right. That's what you want. What's your bottom line?

Krystal: The only other bottom line I'm interested in is the buff body I'm going to get in your home gym. Dibs on your ab machine, Junior.

Adam: Oh, come on, Krystal. It was one night! Come on. I've forgotten all about it.

Krystal: Oh, like heck you have.

Adam: Ok, that's it. You're not going to get a nickel out of me. Not now, not ever. Not ever. You are nothing but a moneygrubbing fortune hunter.

J.R.: And thanks to you, she's got a fortune to hunt!

Tad: You sadistic idiot. You just had to drag Dixie into this thing.

Zach: What are you talking about? She's up to her neck in it.

Tad: Yeah, so of course it makes sense to rat her out to the cops. Do you feel better, having beaten her over the head with the same baseball bat that's hanging over Julia?

Zach: Julia wouldn't be in trouble if this one had helped us.

Tad: No, no, this is about payback, pure and simple. Julia got away, you're upset, so you thought you'd paint a bull's-eye on Dixie’s forehead.

Zach: It's not about payback. I want some answers before it's too late for Julia, and you can pipe in anytime you want.

Di: I have to use the ladies' room.

Officer: Down the hall, to the right. I'll be watching the door out of here.

Di: Of course you will.

Di: It's me.

Garret: Di. This is a surprise.

Di: Nothing surprises you.

Garret: Well, after our last conversation, I assumed we had nothing more to say to each other.

Di: That was before I found out Kevin was killed. Am I next, or is Julia?

Garret: I'm hurt you would even ask that question. I thought we trusted each other.

Di: I'm not accusing you of anything. Kevin liked to live on the edge. Anything could've happened.

Garret: Accidents are the leading cause of death.

Di: Yeah. Well, I asked you to spare Julia's life. Now -- and you said you would -- you said you'd think about it.

Garret: I have. I promise, if we cross paths, I'll take care of Julia just as I took care of you all those years ago.

Di: Look, anything happens to Julia, I could still give your name to the authorities. I mean, what -- what do I have to lose?

Garret: That was a bluff, wasn't it? Because you told me you'd lose everything. If you share my secrets, I share yours. Don't tell me you're willing to give up Dixie’s sweet, sweet life.

Di: No, I want it more than ever. But I want to know Julia's safe, that I'm safe. I want to believe in you, Garret.

Garret: Then remember the time we had together, when we were closer.

Julia: Was that your contact? Was it important?

Danielle: I don't need a babysitter, you know. If you want to hook up with Babe, you don't have to waste your time eating junk food with a friend. Go for it.

Josh: Yeah, well, I happen to like my fries -- and my friends. I like Babe, too, but that's it. I mean, I helped her out a couple times. No big deal.

Danielle: It could be if you give it a chance. You don't know what can happen unless you try, right?

Josh: Yeah, well, love's not exactly on my list, ok?

Danielle: Until when?

Josh: Until I can't help myself.

Babe: Ok, you're too wound up to talk about the legal stuff, and we need to go talk about what's happened.

Krystal: Ok. I'm beat, anyway. My head is pounding Beethoven's Fifth. So, do I get my old room back, hubilicious?

Adam: Don't -- don't touch me.

Krystal: Oh. Not what you said last night. Come on, let's go have a heart-to-heart, Babe.

Adam: No, no way, lady. Hit the bricks.

J.R.: Dad, you can't throw her out. It'll give her lawyer ammo. The judge will kill us.

Krystal: Plus, we haven't even kicked off the honeymoon, really. Let's go, baby doll.

Adam: Of all the blasted, twisted, lying females I've met in my life, that woman --

J.R.: Oh, no, no, no, no. You're not drinking again -- as long as you live.

David: Even Babe wouldn't try a stunt like marrying J.R. again.

Jamie: Believe what you want. But if Babe pushes too hard, J.R.’s going to slam her into the ground and grind her into dust.

David: You already dumped her. So what's with all the compassion?

Jamie: You want to be the dad that Babe needs? Whatever you have on J.R., use it -- now. Stop Babe before she gets herself hurt.

J.R.: Krystal can't hold you to this.

Adam: You're absolutely right.

J.R.: Well, how much can she prove, anyway? She doesn't really have you on video proposing, does she?

Adam: Well, the camera was for karaoke night. Yes, it's all on tape.

J.R.: Camera ready -- that sounds like a setup to me. Maybe we can use that.

Adam: No, I -- I don't think so.

J.R.: What are you saying, that this marriage was really all your idea?

Adam: Damn it!

J.R.: She doesn't have you begging on camera, does she?

Adam: I -- maybe a little. I was -- I -- maybe I was begging -- I was drunk!

J.R.: And now you're married. You can get an annulment. Yeah. No matter what Krystal says, there's no way you would consummate this marriage.

Adam: All that liquor, no food.

J.R.: You didn't.

Adam: Yeah, I'm afraid I did.

J.R.: Are you sure?

Adam: Yeah. Three times.

J.R.: Oh. Pour me one of these, and make it a double.

Babe: Mama, you don't have to do this. This is -- this is a ginormous disaster, it's almost biblical. We don't need money this bad.

Krystal: You know, I never thought I'd see the day I'd fool you.

Babe: Are you still drunk?

Krystal: Not now, not then. Adam didn't take advantage of poor, snockered me. I teamed up with some of the goodest good old boys in Crow Hollow, and we flimflammed Adam into this marriage.

Babe: But you hate Adam.

Krystal: Well, if you can stand to marry a Chandler, so can I.

Babe: Mama, how could you do something like this? This is way out there, even for us.

Krystal: Because, as Mrs. Chandler, I can wave the red flag in front of that old bull with one hand and help you and J.R. down the aisle with the other.

Babe: But we already have our plan -- we bust Dixie as a fake, and then I help J.R. pick up the pieces and marry him before he knows what hit him.

Krystal: Smithereens, ok? Adam and I dug up a big fat nada on Dixie. She's the real deal, ok? We have to work with what we've got -- that is the Carey girls smack-dab in the middle of the Chandler Empire raising Hades until we get what we want.

Babe: Or until Adam kicks you out.

Krystal: He tried that. J.R. put the brakes on that. Legal repercussions, huh? Who would've thought that J.R. would be the rational one?

Babe: Ok, fine. But Adam may have lost this round. He's not going to stop until you're out.

Krystal: Let him give it his best shot. We got the Chandler men right where we want them.

Mimi: Well, Tad, you were right. Jimmy's body was exactly where you said it was.

Tad: I'm shocked. What about the gun?

Mimi: There was no gun, but we're checking the body for prints.

Tad: Oh.

Mimi: So, Mr. Slater, I have a cell with your name on it. Let's go.

Tad: Gosh, Zach. You're actually becoming a regular. Maybe you should get a lease, you know, do a little decorating? Nothing fancy, just some throw pillows, some houseplants. In the meantime, I'm going home. What do you want, a tip?

Mimi: You know, there is a little matter of obstruction of justice. Two counts -- one for you and one for you -- so you're going to join your friend Mr. Slater.

Garret: Good news -- that call confirmed it. I got a meet-and-greet with our guy in New York tomorrow.

Julia: I can't believe it. I'm finally going to come face to face with the man who had Noah killed.

Garret: Yes, you will.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Zach: Kendall, go home.

Greenlee (to Kendall): This is where you get rid of Zach for good.

David: You look worried, Dix. Concerned about your future?

Krystal (to Babe): J.R. and Adam are not going to know what hit them.

Julia: You'll let me help you get the man who had Noah killed?

Garret: Oh, you'll be there.

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