AMC Transcript Thursday 8/18/05

All My Children Transcript Thursday 8/18/05


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Di: Over my dead body!

J.R.: Look, the decision has been made!

Di: No, you can't use Little Adam’s christening for your vicious game.

J.R.: Look, I'm trying to do what's best for my son!

Di: No, you're doing another one of your dictator daddy power plays. I won't let you do this to Tad.

Tad: I'm afraid those books are just going to have to wait a little while longer until we can bring this guy Kevin Sturgess to a full boil. That's why I want a complete CV on everybody this guy knows, ok? I mean everybody -- friends, family, enemies, co-workers, and lovers, both pre- and post-Dixie.

Aidan: That's a big job.

Tad: Yeah, it is, and that's why we're going to back-burner everything else we're working on. We're not going to take anything new until we know who painted that bull's-eye on her forehead.

Aidan: Ok. Well, from now on we're a single-case agency.

Tad: You got that right.

Aidan: I mean, never mind the fact that you just got back from Thailand and announced that Sturgess wasn't the guy.

Tad: No, Aidan, I came back from Thailand and announced that Kevin Sturgess wasn't the guy that put the hit on Dixie. Doesn't mean he's not familiar with whoever did. That's why I want everybody and anybody we know on this thing.

Aidan: Sure. I mean, we can't worry about cash flow at a time like this.

Tad: Listen, before I forget, do you have any markers or favors you can call in with the Feds or somebody over in Europe?

Aidan: Yeah, consider it done.

Tad: Good.

Aidan: But what about Dixie herself? Should we put rent-a-guards on her?

Tad: Are you kidding? Do have any idea what we're dealing with here? Whoever we put on Dixie has got to be somebody we know personally, somebody we can trust, somebody willing to stick closer to her than her own skin. Closer than that.

Aidan: Right -- you. I mean, who better than you? I mean, you'll handcuff yourself to her if you have to.

Tad: Damn right. I'm not about to let some –

David: I could've sworn Babe was on tonight. Hmm. Ok. Ah -- great minds. Babe's not working tonight.

Krystal: Oh, God. Oh, dear God, no.

David: Well, it's not like the tips from one shift are going to change her life.

Krystal: Babe is not going to have a life to change if -- I can't save our daughter, David. You better be up to the job.

[Knock on door]

Amanda: Aw, candles and champagne! You've done this before, haven't you, Joshie?

Josh: Not funny.

Amanda: Not at all? If my big, hunky fiancé doesn't find us all tangled and jangled in bed together, he'll never become doctor rich and famous. So do me, Joshie! Do me now!

Josh: Get off the bed.

Amanda: Oh, is that not slutty and desperate enough to turn you on? Hate to break it to you, but I don't think you're going to get the real Babe in that bed tonight. She doesn't have the guts to go through with it.

Josh: You are such a refreshing negative force.

Amanda: I'm a realist. Take what you can get, Josh. You want to play the aggressor and carry me back over? Hey! Hey, that's not what I meant! Let –

Babe: Jamie, what -- what in the world are you thinking?

Jamie: Is it that bad?

Babe: No, it's -- it's just a surprise.

Jamie: Tonight's all about us.

Babe: Jamie --

Jamie: And our one-star meal this evening is being catered by the red emperor. And after we read our sexy fortune-cookie fortunes, we turn off our phones, make love, plan our wedding, make love, and then fall asleep in each other's arms. Did I mention we make love?

Babe: How can I do this? I --

Jamie: Do what?

Babe: Jamie, I'm -- I'm sorry.

Jamie: Don't walk away from me. "I can't do" what? What's that mean?

Babe: It's just that how can I walk out on you when you've -- when you've gone through all this trouble?

Jamie: You can't. You're in for the night. Hey, Roy?

Babe: No, Jamie, you can't call the bar! Seriously!

Jamie: It's Jamie Martin here. My hard-working wife won't be in tonight. Hey, you know what they say -- fiancé's always the last one to know. You already canceled on work tonight.

Babe: I told you not to call.

Jamie: You're working a plan, something you don't want me to find out. Last time you cut me out, you said never again. If you're working something so you get more time with Little Adam, I'm down with that.

Babe: No, I'd -- I would tell you that, I swear it.

Jamie: What's up, Babe? Whatever it is, you're not in it alone, so tell me.

[Knock on door]

Amanda: Psst. Hey, lover boy, open up, or I'll huff, and I'll puff, and it'll sound like heavy breathing. What will the no-tell motel owners think? Romeo, Romeo, I won't leave until I get some satisfaction.


Josh: No more trash about Babe.

Amanda: Now, why do the words "trash" and "Babe" end up in so many of the same sentences? Remind me to get you a sense of humor for Christmas.

Josh: We're not doing this for fun.

Amanda: Babe is every bit as amazing as you think she is. She's inspiring -- her deep love for Jamie, her willingness to sacrifice her marriage to push him from the garage to the ER. She has incredible depth. You know, today at the roadside, you couldn't take your eyes off her depth.

Josh: The part of Jamie that you're after -- does it reach around to the back where he keeps his wallet? Or will your heart grow when his bank account does?

Amanda: Hey, I don't pretend to be all noble. Even Babe knows exactly where I stand. We talked it out, and after tonight she's giving me a clear shot at Jamie.

Josh: You are scary.

Amanda: Thanks. Lighten up. In a little while, we'll both have Babe and Jamie exactly where we want them. The only difference between us, St. Joshie, is I get to keep my clothes on.

Jamie: No more secrets, no more going behind my back. We're in everything together 50/50, right? So let me in.

Babe: All this drama for nothing. I'm not hiding anything from you.

Jamie: You always get that dry voice thing when you're lying.

Babe: And when I screw up. You went through all this trouble and I -- and I have plans.

Jamie: That you're going to break, so we're cool.

Babe: I promised Mama that I'd meet her. That's it.

Jamie: Ok. Well, as soon as you get back, we can still make love, and you can fall asleep in my arms.

Babe: See you soon.

Krystal: I know that Babe has made some doozy boo-boos in her life, but loving Jamie is not one of them.

David: Bourbon, neat. Um, make that a double.

Krystal: It just -- it kills Babe to sit back and watch Jamie want something so much and be the one keeping him from getting it.

David: That's J.R.’s and Phoebe Wallingford's fault, not Babe's.

Krystal: But Babe can make Jamie’s dream come true.

David: Yeah, only if she -- oh. So Babe is about to dump the Martin chump, huh?

Krystal: Babe's tried being the dumper, but that whacked-out Wallingford dame --

David: Thank you.

Krystal: Has made it so that if she's not the dumpee, then Jamie doesn't get to keep the money.

David: Hmm.

Krystal: Babe has got to do something drastic and really bad to get Jamie to turn against her.

David: That punk is going to lose the one good thing in his pathetic life.

Krystal: And think about how it's going to hurt her. She's got to break her own heart, get Jamie to spit on her.

David: If you can't get through to her, what makes you think I can?

Krystal: J.R. is pulling the strings on the Wallingford inheritance. Maybe you could cut them.

David: How? From what I understand, the old bat's will is indestructible.

Krystal: J.R.’s not. You pony up the dirt on Dixie, and J.R. is putty. Oh, come on, honey, it's a win-win situation.

David: Hmm.

Krystal: You help our daughter and you stick it to J.R. Chandler. Come on, David. What is Dixie’s secret?

Di: Don't you walk out on me!

J.R.: I'm not going to sit here and listen to you while you paint Babe and Jamie and Tad as a concerned family for my son.

Di: Oh, I've given up on that approach.

J.R.: Well, good. I've had enough of it.

Di: You love hanging on to these grudges. Fine. Fine, keep on hanging on. Just stop ratcheting the hate level up and up. I mean, you and Tad were making progress. At least you let him think so. He was prepared to be Little Adam’s godfather, and you just -- you're going to jerk that back?

J.R.: I have sole custody of my son.

Di: Oh, don't put this on Little Adam. You are not protecting him from Tad. J.R., don't listen to Adam. Don't let him coach you on how to keep everyone on a -- a spit, just roasting over a roaring fire for eternity.

J.R.: What are you talking about? This has nothing to do with my dad.

Di: No, if you cancel the christening, it's classic Adam. You let -- you let Tad think he's crossing the finishing line, and then you pat him on the back with the same hand that holds the knife.

J.R.: Well, you're so busy campaigning for Jamie and Tad, I'm forgetting whose side you're on anymore!

Di: It is not about sides, J.R. But you come first with me. You must know that.

J.R.: You went all the way to Europe to get away from Tad. Why? Why do you want to give him another shot at wrecking your life?

Di: I'm not.

J.R.: I'm not going to sit here and watch this. You want to hook up with him, fine. We might as well say good-bye right now.

Tad: You know what, Aidan? As far as I'm concerned, you're not taking this thing as seriously as you need to.

Aidan: Look, if it's open season on Dixie, well, then I'm dead serious. We suspend all operations.

Tad: "If it's open season?" She nearly got taken out the very day she got out of prison, for God's sake, and don't forget Babe's a witness. She swears who was ever behind the wheel of that car was trying to take Dixie out.

Aidan: Not according to Dixie.

Tad: Come on, do not give me a hard time on --

Aidan: I'm not saying that she's not in some kind of danger.

Tad: You're saying we should wait till the hit goes down, and then we'll find the guy.

Aidan: I went over there. I interviewed her. I asked her all these questions. She seemed to answer them legitimately.

Tad: Yeah, because she's good, and you don't know her.

Aidan: But you do. That's exactly my point.

Tad: What?

Aidan: There's no proof, Tad, that's anyone's out to kill her.

Tad: Proof? How much proof do you need? What do you call an entire string of near-death experiences, huh? Rotten luck? It just wasn't her month? It was the bad sign she was born under?

Aidan: Well, then what next, Tad?

Tad: I told you. We are going to solve this thing, ok? We're going to take care of it. We're going to make sure that Dixie’s out of danger, and she doesn't have to spend the rest of her life looking over her shoulder. Ok?

Aidan: And that means you're not going to be by her side to protect her? What on earth will you do then?

Tad: I'll take a vacation and write my memoirs.

Aidan: Yeah, but your excuse to stick to her 24/7 will be gone. That means that you'll have to -- I don't know -- come to some kind of truthful realization that you're still in love with Dixie, and you want her back.

Krystal: Listen, David, your plan to get Dixie to soften up J.R. tanked, but you -- you could change him. All you have to do is drop the Dixie bomb and Babe does not have to lose Jamie.

David: I don't care about Jamie. Babe is better off without the useless load.

Krystal: Well, he certainly would be better off without her. Good-bye, wrenches and screwdrivers. Hello, scalpels and whatever else you doctors use. Jamie is going to be on the staff at Pine Valley Hospital before you even get your license back.

David: Yeah, last in his class but first in the heart of the chief of staff.

Krystal: Mm-hmm. And how fun is that going to be? You swabbing the halls of the hospital while Dr. James Martin is making the rounds. Of course, you could prevent it. But, hey -- keep that Dixie’s secret. Let Babe carry out her plan.

David: Sanctimonious Martins. They have no business being in medicine. Somebody should stop them.

Krystal: And who could that be?

David: You know, but on the bright side, if Tad gets a hangnail, he'll go see Dr. Jamie, and Jamie is sure to kill him.

Singer: You think you've lost your lover, friend

Tad: How many times do I have to say it? I am not in love with Dixie. Honestly, after all the highs and lows we've been through together, that is one carnival ride I don't need and I don't want. What I do need is to see this thing through, is to take care of it for Little Adam’s sake. Because she takes care of him, and if she's in danger, he's in danger. Not to mention J.R. So don't look at me like that. This isn't imaginary, you know? I'm not making things up. This is as real as it gets -- kill and run. You're smart, you do the math, ok? You got a near miss at the bus stop, then her brakes go out at night in the rain? Not to mention a staged bank robbery? An entire room full of people, this guy fixates on Dixie as a human shield. That's not coincidence. I'm not making up conspiracy theories. I just don't want to have to bury my ex-wife all over again, ok?

Aidan: So you really mean it, then? You're not just pretending that, you know, you want to get back with Dixie?

Tad: Look, I don't want to be anywhere near Dixie. Why would I want to be, you know? Aside from the fact she felt she had to disappear to get away from me, every time we're together, I do the same thing over and over again. I just stare at her face and try to figure out how on earth they put her back together again. You know what it feels like? To have to stare at somebody that -- that you care about, and try to figure out what's new from what's changed, what you remember from the way things were? She's been completely remade over, and that's my fault. And I didn't want any of that, and I don't like it, but I put up with it, because this is what we do. We're professionals. We protect people, we take care of them. So for the last time, this is just an investigation like any other, ok? It's not personal.

Aidan: Fine. Fine. Well, then, I'll take care of the Dixie case, and you can focus your efforts elsewhere. I mean, take a load off. Take a vacation.

Tad: Why would I do that? It's my case.

Aidan: Just bring me up to speed, and you can spare yourself the rest.

Tad: Aidan, you're a friend, a good one, so do me a favor. Don't patronize me. For the last time, I'm not in love with Dixie.

Di: I mean it. Not another word about Tad and me.

J.R.: You're my mother and you live in this house, and you look after my son and he loves you. I shouldn't care that Tad's going to wreck your life?

Di: I went away to avoid Tad.

J.R.: See, that's what I'm talking about. That's my point. Don't kid yourself into thinking that it's going to be different.

Di: I didn't want my life back with Tad.

J.R.: But that was when you had an ocean between you. Now you're all up and close -- up close and personal.

Di: I came back for you, J.R., to be near you again.

J.R.: But history has a nasty way of repeating itself. No, I'm not going to let you break my son's heart.

Di: I can't let you dictate my love life.

J.R.: Look, you can fall in love with anyone. You can fall in love with the entire population of the United States for all I care, except for Tad. I cannot have him back in my life like that ever again.

Di: But what if I want him back?

Tad: Stop it.

Aidan: Ahem.

Tad: What, you honestly think that I'm so pathetic, so desperately in need of female attention that I have to create a fake case? That I have to create this whole little scenario? It's not my speed, it's not my style. I do not need to go tagging along after my ex-wives. Call me crazy, call me sentimental. I just don't want to have to stand by and watch one get butchered because of some lowlife Wall Street wannabe who couldn't keep his hands out of the pension till. I'm not going to stand by and do nothing while Dixie gets murdered for falling in love with the wrong guy more than once. She means too much to me, Aidan. I got to do something, you know? For God's sake, I got down on one knee in a chicken suit for this woman. I don't think you're supposed to forget wishing on Christmas stars with the love of your life that easily. Not that I don't want to. Don't get me wrong. There are days that I wish I could forget the whole thing -- all of my mistakes, Dixie’s affair with Hayward, Brooke telling me that Dixie was dead and Kate was gone. I can't forget. I can't forget any of it. But I'll tell you one thing, I'm not going to go backwards. I can't, and I won't.

J.R.: So you want to sacrifice me, you want to sacrifice your grandson, just to be able to hook up with him?

Di: No, I didn't say I wanted to hook back up with Tad or anyone else. I don't want Tad back. But no one, not even you, has the right to tell me that I can't have him back if I want him. J.R., the revenge part of you, I chalked up to Adam. But the desire to run my life -- well, you have more in common with Tad than you know.

J.R.: So, what, it was hypothetical?

Di: And none of your business. Just like it's none of my business how little you have in your life right now. I mean, no friends, job, goals, romance, love. J.R., not even a hobby, unless that's where I fit in.

J.R.: Oh, as a matter of fact, Mom, you and Little Adam fit into that love category.

Di: You know what? I'm imagining right now where the three of us will be in about 50 years or so. Your father will have gone on to his fiery reward. He will have passed the torch of revenge on to you. You and he will have taught Little Adam everything he knows about how to torture the human spirit. Little Adam will be in, what, his 50s, with a string of bad marriages behind him? But he'll be living here with you and me. We'll all be cranky and bitter, but we'll be together. Is that what you want?

Krystal: I was dumb enough to think that you actually cared about our daughter.

David: You know I love Babe.

Krystal: You know, for some people, when you love somebody --

David: Mm-hmm.

Krystal: When you really love them, and they're threatened, there is nothing that you wouldn't do, no sacrifice that you wouldn't make to help them.

David: All right, here we go.

Krystal: Now, for Babe, I would turn myself inside out --

David: Mm-hmm.

Krystal: And wrong end up. I would live in prison forever.

David: Oh, sure you would.

Krystal: Hell, I would give my whole life altogether.

David: Mm-hmm.

Krystal: And listen to me -- that is the way Babe feels about her son and for Jamie. Can't you for once, David, dig deep enough to find that kind of love for your daughter? Babe doesn't have her son. Won't you just please, please find a way to help her hang on to the one other person that she treasures more than her own life?

Singer: Find somebody new

[Knock on door]

Amanda: Hey. Music to truce by and toastables. I smell smoke?

Jamie: I put out some candles.

Amanda: Oh. Oh.

Jamie: Babe and I have plans as soon as she gets back.

Amanda: Yeah, sure. Wow. She blew off all this.

Jamie: She's with her mom.

Amanda: Right. Ok, so why don't I keep you company while she's gone?

Jamie: Any special reason why?

Amanda: To show you that I really, truly am your friend?

[Knock on door]

Josh: Welcome to our secret -- for the moment -- love nest.

Babe: You went to a lot of trouble.

Josh: It's not that much.

Babe: Even new sheets? What --

Josh: Cotton's better than their sandpaper. You want it to be convincing.

Babe: You didn't need to do all this.

Josh: You decided not to go through with it. That's cool. I'll pack up all this stuff and --

Babe: No, no, that's not what I meant. I meant this is -- this is like what you'd do if it was real.

Josh: You want Jamie to think it is.

Babe: Well, when he sees us together, I doubt he'll pay attention to the decor.

Josh: I guess not.

Babe: Well, what are we waiting for? It's time for someone to get lucky.

Amanda: To friends in better times. Wow. Forget fixing cars. You should open a chop shop/art gallery. These would sell.

Jamie: No, they wouldn't. Get to why you're conveniently here. You knew that Babe wasn't home, didn't you? Just say what you came to say already.

Amanda: The three of us get to this solid place, it's supposed to be solid. Don't ask me to --

Jamie: I'm asking you to tell me what's going on.

Amanda: Yeah. Forget losing two friends.

Jamie: Damn it, Amanda.

Amanda: You put together this great evening for her, and she -- I wish I didn't know. Why do I have to be in the middle?

Jamie: In the middle of what?

Amanda: Babe lied. She's not with her mother. She's with another guy.

Babe: We both have to be in bed.

Josh: This isn't the place I'd have chosen for our first time.

Babe: It's not so bad.

Josh: Compared to what? A bombed-out building? An empty lot?

Babe: It's -- it's where Jamie and I spent our first night together.

Josh: The Pine Cone?

Babe: Yeah. Don't worry, it's perfect. The night I was here with Jamie, I was cheating on someone else. And now here I am -- again, with you. Once a tramp, always a tramp.

[Babe and Josh begin to kiss in bed.]

Krystal: Time's up.

David: What, am I on the clock?

Krystal: Hey, listen up, everybody! Listen up.

David: Krystal, sit down.

Krystal: I have $50 to the man who can make this person whimper, and a crisp Ben Franklin to anybody who can make him cry.

[Patrons all talk]

Krystal: Right here, right here.

David: Ah, what a sense of humor. She's just kidding folks, right? I mean, she just had one too many drinks. Maybe I did get too much fun out of this.

Krystal: Our daughter is wrecking her life, and you would rather keep Dixie safe and hang your own child!

David: If -- if I had a secret so lethal that it would decimate J.R., I would wait to spring it when the time is right.

Krystal: The time is now!

David: That would be after Babe dumps the chump, and not before.

Krystal: You deserve to burn in hell.

David: Picture it -- a secret so devastating that it'll drop J.R. right where he stands.

Di: Don't you trust my love for you? Well done. Nice, deep cut. You're -- you're very good at this.

J.R.: You're always saying that you want to help me. I want the same thing. I want to help us be a family.

Di: We will. I swear, I won't leave you the way I did last time.

J.R.: So you're going to find a new way?

Di: Oh, God, J.R.! This is what I'm talking about. This need to keep every wound fresh and open, keep the pain alive to keep stoking the grudges, make everyone as miserable as you are.

J.R.: Yeah, why shouldn't they be?

Di: Because you -- you shouldn't be unhappy. It makes me sick to think about you -- you sitting alone every night sipping scotch and obsessing about all those hits you've taken, I mean, planning ways to keep paying back Babe and Tad and Jamie.

J.R.: Why should I let them off?

Di: I want you to let yourself off! Because I can't stand watching you go through this agony week after week. You deserve better. You're as powerful as you think you are, J.R. Use that power to cut yourself loose. Save yourself. Won't you, please, please do it?

J.R.: I've got things to do.

Di: No, J.R., think about Little Adam. Think about putting him between two feuding parents. I probably just made it worse.

[Turning around, Di sees Tad standing on the patio looking at her.]

Amanda: You see why I didn't want to say anything? Of course you don't believe me. I knew it. Two friends flushed away.

Jamie: This is more dirty work for J.R.?

Amanda: No, it's not, but, yeah, it could be. Only J.R. didn't see Babe get into that guy Josh's car.

Jamie: Josh Madden?

Amanda: Yeah. Yeah, I thought they were acting weird, so I followed them -- to the Pine Cone. And I wouldn't have believed that part either, except I saw it. Ok, this was a bad idea. You know, I shouldn't have come here. You want me to stay out of your business, and you know what? I'm going to. Even when I'm on the level of trying to help, I just screw everything up.

Josh: I can't do this. I mean, I can do this, but not like this.

Babe: I know. I know, it was a lame kiss. I'm just -- I'm just really messed up about this. I -- I just need to chill, and I need to concentrate, remember why I'm doing this.

Josh: Take it easy on yourself. I can accomplish the task, but it shouldn't be a task. You -- you picked the wrong guy for this job, Babe.

Babe: No, I didn't.

Josh: There's a name for guys who have sex with women who don't want to. That's not me.

Babe: And that is why you're so perfect. You understand why I'm doing this. And if anything, this is my idea. I'm forcing you to have sex.

Josh: Oh, yeah. Twist my arm. Sex for sex's sake? I've never had any trouble with that. So let's whoop it up. Let's have a full-out good time. Bring on the fun. But there's no fun. There's no happiness in your face. None.

Babe: I know.

Josh: If I smoked, I'd light up a whole pack. Was it good for you?

Babe: We haven't even done anything yet.

Josh: We're here. We're naked. And, Babe, some women aren't as honest and reality driven as you are. Some have actually done what I'm about to suggest, something I'm sure no woman has ever done with me before -- fake it.

Singer: Oh, look out

Krystal: Do it now, or Babe is lost. Think about what she's about to do, hmm? Everything is going to hit the fan. Her love, her self-respect. Her whole life is going to change, and not for the better. Is that what you want? Do you want her hardened and cold? Please, David, don't -- don't do this.

David: Honestly, Krystal, I do have something on Dixie. But I'm not going to tell you. So let it go.

Krystal: You pathetic ball of slime.

David: Yeah, a pathetic ball of slime with a secret. And I'm not going to tell a soul until it gets me exactly what I want.

Krystal: Well, we are not done. I'm going to tell you something. I am not going to let you get away with this. No, please, I can arrange for a smack-down that you will never forget.

David: Good luck with that.

[David opens the door to leave but is knocked backward by a swift punch to the face delivered by Adam.]

Tad: I just thought I'd bring by your case file. You might want to stuff it in your scrapbook.

Di: Good. You gave up.

Tad: No, I didn't. Giving up has nothing to do with it. By all means, if you say you're safe, that your life is just rosy, then who am I to argue? Case closed.

Di: If you're waiting for me to say thanks --

Tad: Oh, no. No, not at all. "Sayonara" will work just fine. After all, you're the one that invited me out of your life. So from here on out, I'm as out as I can possibly get.

Di: Well, it took you long enough. You used to be faster on the uptake.

Tad: I was only waiting for the perfect time and place. And it seems to me that the Chandler mausoleum is the perfect setting for a grand declaration, so you know what? From now on, you and I are done and over for good.

Adam: Oh, boy, oh, boy, that felt good. But we've got to get the goods on Dixie.

Krystal: Now that he's in a more cooperative mood, I know how to get the info out of him. Sorry about that. He is cute, but he cannot hold his liquor. Ah, that's it.

[Krystal attempts to prop David up on a bench, but he keeps going down on one side and then the other, while Adam rubs his sore hand.]

Di: I knew coming back to Pine Valley would be tough, but I had no idea what you would put me through!

Tad: Always happy to help.

Di: I mean, second-guessing me, no matter what I wanted -- you always knew what was best. You always knew what was right. No respect for me, for my privacy, Tad!

Tad: You want privacy? Go back to Thailand! You can hook up with your ex! He's got loads of it!

Di: Oh, you always pretended to get me, but you never did.

Tad: No, no --

Di: You're too self-centered!

Tad: What my problem is, is I can't decide whether you've changed for the worse, or after all this time I built you up to be somebody you aren't and never were!

Di: You couldn't think of anyone else long enough to do that, Tad!

Tad: We're done here.

Di: We're finally done.

[After working themselves up to a frenzy, Tad and Di begin kissing.]

Amanda: I just gave you a present. Your turn. Open the safe and give me mine.

J.R.: For what?

Amanda: It is my payday. Jamie and Babe are going up in flames right about –

Josh: Now, how about this?

[Josh breathes heavily]

Babe: Come on. If only Jamie would buy that one.

Josh: I'm not convincing?

Babe: It's not that. He's going to remember the fake-out that Bianca and I pulled. Unfortunately, it has to be the real deal.

Josh: We'll get some cleaning supplies from the motel.

Babe: What? Why would we --

Josh: Spray bottles. We'll fill them with water and baby oil, and we'll spritz ourselves with a slippery, slick sheen of love.

Babe: Oh, my -- this has definitely got to be a first.

Josh: It's definitely my virgin voyage on this bizarre sea. You know, I'd go for the spray bottles, but in this dump, I don't --

Babe: You know that they don't even know what a cleaning supply is, right?

Josh: Exactly.

Babe: You are so weird! Use cleaning supplies? Who does that stuff, seriously? Give it to –

[As Babe and Josh playfully hit each other with a pillow, Jamie walks in.]

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Josh: Sorry, Jamie, this is what it is.

Jamie: Is it, Babe?

Krystal (to Adam): We're going to give the mad doctor a taste of his own medicine.

Greenlee (to Kendall): You're having my baby. I'm going to spoil you as no man has ever spoiled you.

Di: I guess we're not done.

Tad: Guess not.

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