All My Children Transcript Monday 6/27/05
Proofread by Gisele
[Bystanders cheer and shout as Ryan fights another man]
Greenlee: Ryan? Oh, my God. Oh, my God -- Ryan!
Amanda: Where's Babe?
Jamie: Roy called in sick. She had to cover the late shift.
Amanda: So did you guys decide if I still rate?
Jamie: We got into other things.
Amanda: Do I get to stay?
Jamie: That depends on what you really want.
Amanda: The thing is, Jamie, if I tell you, I'll be homeless.
Babe: Excuse me.
Josh: What's your pleasure?
Babe: It's sure not working overtime here. Roy called me to sub behind the bar. You, too?
Josh: No, he just raced out the front door same shade as the jalapeno dip he was scarfing. The dead fly probably should've been a tip-off.
Babe: So what are you doing here?
Josh: Building a sidecar.
Babe: Are we supposed to have two bartenders on tonight?
Josh: I'm not a bartender, just a guy who looks good with a shot glass in his hand. Try this, tell me if I got it right.
[Erica listens from outside the apartment as Reggie and Jack argue.]
Jack: 11:00, I said. 11:00. You heard me, I know Sam heard me! I said have Lily back here at 11:00! It's 11:27! Where are they?
Reggie: All right, J, chill. All right, maybe your watch is a little fast.
Jack: Or maybe Sam's a little fast! Maybe I should call Derek, have him send out a couple patrol cars!
Reggie: We're talking about Lily. Red flashing lights is not her friend.
Jack: Oh, and listen, you were the guy, "Oh, it's a hot night, they're young kids. I'll go be your eyes and ears, J." What, are you on Sam's side now?
Reggie: No, I don't care for Sam, but I care about Lily. Remember we trust Lily?
Jack: Yes, I trust Lily, but I do not trust Sam. He's a teenage boy filled with raging hormones, and he's out late with my daughter, paying no attention to my rules, and look, it's now 11:28!
Reggie: All right, listen, kids out on a hot date having fun, having a good time, they don't really check their watches every ten seconds.
Jack: Oh, no, no, no! No, no, no, don't tell me they're having a good time! My God, Reggie, do you really think that's what Lily and Sam are doing? They're out there having a good time?
Reggie: I didn't say --
Jack: At 11:29?
[Door slams as Erica enters]
Erica: I nearly tripped over an alien from Mars in the parking garage.
Jack: What? What? That's the craziest thing I ever heard!
Erica: Well, then, Jack, you need to look at yourself. A meltdown because Lily is just a few minutes late? I mean, that's even crazier.
Greenlee: Ryan, Ryan, stop it please! Let go of me!
Kendall: Greenlee, would you stop it?
Zach: You cannot help him!
Greenlee: Yes, I can. I'm the only one who can! Ryan!
[In Ryan's mind, the man he's fighting turns into his mean old man.]
Singer: Whoa, all our times have come here, but now they're gone. Seasons don't fear the reaper nor do the wind the sun or the rain. We can be like they are. Come on, baby don't fear the reaper. Baby, take my hand, don't fear the reaper.
Patrick: If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get! I should've killed you years ago, before you deserted the nest! No worries. Daddy's on top of the job.
Amanda: Huh, horn works.
Jamie: I wasn't testing it. It's a BS detector.
Amanda: And I set it off?
Jamie: Well, it's very sensitive to anything that sounds like a load.
Amanda: Well, I guess I'd better be careful what I say and how I say it.
Jamie: Start from the top. What do you want?
Amanda: You. You are one ginormous turn-on. Ah! No beep. How's that for honest?
Jamie: It's a start.
Amanda: When I'm around you, I get ideas, most of them naughty. A girl's only human.
Jamie: And I'm locked into Babe.
Amanda: Forbidden flesh. It totally makes you even hotter. It's your fault. That smile, those muscles? Do you have to be so damn tasty?
[Horn sounds again]
Jamie: It is piling up in here really fast and deep. Do you even hear the stuff you're trying to run with?
Amanda: Sometimes. Sometimes I just shift into autopilot, enjoy the ride.
Jamie: Well, your game is never going to work on me. You do know that?
Amanda: Duh. Not even a little bit tempted? Ok, ok. Spare my eardrums. I'll be good. I know the real thing when I see it, and that's you and Babe. You guys just do it up. I'll just paw and whimper at the front door.
Jamie: You can stay until you find a new place. Babe really likes you, and neither one of us wants you to take any chances back at J.R.ís.
Amanda: Thanks. I promise I'll behave. So, what's next? We watch each other undress for bed?
[Jamie sounds the horn once again]
Jamie: Now we surprise Babe at the bar. Late shift, she gets really lonely.
Babe: It's smooth, not too lemony.
Josh: On the house.
Babe: Yeah, please, if I drank this, you would be wiping down the bar with me, and Roy never comps drinks.
Josh: Roy's home chugging pink stuff, praying it stays down.
Babe: Are you a friend of his, or what?
Josh: Or what.
Man: Beer me again, Babe!
Josh: The natives are getting thirsty.
Man: Another round over here!
Babe: I swear it's never this busy. There must be a ballgame or something.
Josh: Or a prison break. You cover the rotgut section, I'll take the beer crowd.
Babe: Wait, you don't even work here. Fine. All right.
Josh: You're the coyote without the ugly.
Babe: It's all in the wrist.
Josh: The coaster toss part of the happy hour?
Babe: Wild guess here -- blue work shirt, greasy hair. See, he does this whole thing, he tosses the coaster, then I lean over --
Josh: Super letch sneaks a peek down your front.
Josh: Let me. Lose this? Why don't you go home and drool over your favorite girly magazine?
Babe: Who needs a baseball bat behind the bar when we've got you.
Josh: The guy's a jerk.
Babe: Yeah, well, we get all kinds. Thanks for stepping up.
Babe: Well, it looks like the natives are getting plastered, so you can go back to being a customer. So when you're not impersonating a bartender, who are you?
Josh: Josh Madden. I'm a television producer.
Babe: Yeah, right.
Josh: No kidding. I'm working with Erica Kane. Ahem.
[Babe does a mean spit take all over Josh's face.]
Erica: What a day. Completely exhausting, but I loved every stressed-out minute of it -- and I have a new producer, Josh Madden, and he is very engaging and he's very enthused.
Jack: Erica, our daughter is missing.
Erica: She disappeared on a date with Sam Grey. I would hold off on the APB.
Jack: This kid violated Lily's curfew on their first date. Their first date, Erica. I laid down the law. I told him in no uncertain terms, "You have Lily back here at 11:00" -- rules I set down to make Lily feel secure. And what does this punk do? He throws them right back in my face. Don't touch me.
Erica: Reggie, didn't I hear you tell your dad that he should trust Lily?
Reggie: I warned Lily, all right? I gave her a list of rules, but Lily might feel like she has to go along with it to fit in, like she did with the hot girls. But if Sam's pushing for something that she's not ready for, then Jack's right, you know, it might get ugly.
Jack: Yeah, you see that? You hear that? Reggie agrees with me, and he's a teenager!
Reggie: Ok. All right. Just don't let it get out.
Jack: Look, I'll tell you one thing -- it's over, it's done, never again. No more holding hands in homeroom, no more passing notes. It's over. This is their first and last date ever!
Erica: Ok, hold on, Superdad. I mean, what about our agreement? What happened to not interfering in our offspring's lives?
Jack: Adult offspring, Erica. Lily is not yet 18 years old. Now, for me to back off now would be a dereliction of my duties as a father.
Erica: Oh, Jack.
Jack: What do you mean, "Oh, Jack"? What are you laughing about? This is serious!
Erica: True. But every time you know that you're fighting a losing battle, you start to sound like the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court handing down a ruling. "I laid down the laws," "dereliction of my duties," "order in the court"!
[Lily and Sam breathlessly burst through the door]
Jack: Well, how nice of you to finally bring our daughter home.
Greenlee: Ryan, stop! Stop!
Patrick: Get up! Get up!
Greenlee: Ryan! Let go of me! Let go of me! Ryan, stop it!
[Zach and Ethan pull a bleeding Ryan off the other man.]
Ryan: Ah! I can finish him! I can finish him!
Zach: It is finished!
Jack: Sam, do you have any idea how worried we were?
Sam: I'm sorry, sir.
Jack: Well, I'm afraid "I'm sorry's" not going to cut it.
Reggie: Get him, J, get him.
Jack: Do you think I said 11:00 just to hear myself talk, that I pulled a number out of the air, or what?
Sam: 11:00. You did say that.
Jack: Yes, I did.
Sam: We're way late.
Jack: Yes, you are.
Sam: Hey, we were aiming for 11:00, but, you know, stuff happens.
Jack: "Stuff happens"? That's your excuse, a bumper sticker?
Erica: Mr. District Attorney, former district attorney, why don't you relinquish the floor now? Why don't we let these juvenile offenders -- let's hear what they have to say in their own defense. Maybe they have a valid excuse for this infraction.
Jack: That'd be fine with me. Lily, would you care to explain why you two were so late getting home?
Lily: We got behind schedule. We were waiting 18 minutes at Pine Street and Madison for the number 7 bus, but that never showed up, and then we had to wait for the town taxi that Sam called, but that never showed up either. We spent 13 minutes riding the number 7 bus. The bus driver's name was Minnie Pascal and her license number was L-29754. We got off at Queensland and Madison and we ran the three blocks here.
Jack: Lily, sweetheart, if you were having a hard time getting home, why didn't you call me, so I could come pick you up?
Lily: Because that would make us seem like little kids.
Erica: Counselor? Do you have anything to say in your own defense?
Josh: You laugh, but it's true. Erica Kane is my boss. I'm producing her soon-to-be hit TV show "New Beginnings."
Babe: You know, I'm really sorry that I showered you with my soda.
Josh: Let me in on the joke.
Babe: It's -- it's really not that funny. So what does the producer do?
Josh: Everything. Make sure we stay on budget, line up guests, come up with brilliant segment ideas.
Babe: So then you have to be creative.
Josh: And open to possibilities. I see one now -- this bar. We could do an entire show from right here.
Babe: Yeah, if you want to bore your viewers to death.
Josh: Are you kidding? This place has a hundred stories to tell. I mean, some of them may be a bit slurred, but you've got to have some great stories of your own. Like do they really water down the bourbon? Is there beer in beer nuts?
Babe: So who's going to ask me these deep questions, Erica Kane?
Josh: Who else? You'd look great together. Two gorgeous women? The camera would eat you up.
Babe: More like Erica would eat me alive.
Josh: You two ladies have a history?
Babe: How about you ask your boss lady how she feels about talking beer nuts with Babe Carey?
Josh: How about you give me the inside scoop instead?
Amanda: Uh, what was that you said about Babe being lonely?
Babe: Excuse me one second. Hey, Amanda! Welcome to my world.
Babe: And my night just got a whole lot better.
Jamie: This place is jumping. Who was the guy you were talking to?
Babe: Josh something. I don't know, he's new in town. Is he not to die for? He's smart, he's funny, he's a perfect fit for you.
Amanda: Good-looking. He's got that "mmm, mmm, mmm" thing going. No wonder you picked up on him.
Babe: Well, come on and knock him off his barstool. Hey, Josh, this is my fiancť, Jamie Martin.
Josh: Jamie, good to meet you.
Jamie: Same here.
Babe: And this is Amanda Dillon, my new best friend, next to Jamie.
Josh: Hi, "Babe's new best friend, next to Jamie."
Babe: Well, you were saying that you needed stories on interesting people. Amanda here, she's a show in herself. You guys go ahead. Jamie, come on, I'll buy you a beer.
Josh: Amanda, something from the bar?
Amanda: I'm good, thanks. I suppose you think that's so junior high, the best friend thing, but Babe is amazing. She has an incredibly huge heart, and you are one lucky guy if she gives it to you.
Josh: I just met her, but there's something about her.
Jack: Ok. Sam, I'm sorry I came down on you so hard, but a simple phone call would've saved me a world of worry.
Sam: Listen, it's my fault. Lily and I kept thinking the bus or the cab was going to come, and we were talking, and before we knew it, it was a quarter past, we're in really big trouble. So my bad. I should've called. Won't happen again.
Reggie: All right, and add being late to your list of reasons to call me, and make sure your cell phone's always charged just in case you need me to come after you, ok?
Erica: Now, have we reduced the charges from federal case to guilty with an excuse, because Lily has a very busy day tomorrow.
Sam: She means it's time for us to say good night.
Lily: Oh. Thanks, Sam, for a really fun first date. I had a good time.
Sam: Yeah, I did, too.
Lily: Well, next time we go on a date, it'll be my treat. That means I'll pay for you.
Sam: Oh, well, with dating, there's traditions. You know, the guy usually springs for the movie and the popcorn.
Lily: Oh, I don't know those traditions, but if I pay for you, then we'll be even, and I like even things.
Sam: All right, we can do things your way. Um -- ok, I'll call you tomorrow. Night.
Lily: I'll go get ready for bed now.
Erica: Oh, no, you won't, young lady, because there's another dating tradition you're about to learn.
Lily: Should I get my notebook?
Erica: No, no, no, you don't need a notebook. I just want you to sit down and tell your new mother all about your first date.
Lily: Is that really tradition?
Erica: Handed down from my mother to me and to you.
Kendall: I don't want it.
Zach: Just drink it. You didn't expect to see me there.
Zach: And Greenlee didn't expect what she saw.
Kendall: She wants to have his baby.
Ryan: Don't. Don't.
Greenlee: Please. Let me.
[As Ryan sinks onto the floor, Greenlee gets a First Aid kit and starts to clean up his wounds.]
Greenlee: You're trying to kill yourself. I won't let you.
Ryan: The first rule of Fight Club -- the first and second rule of Fight Club is not to talk about it, especially to someone who would never get it.
Greenlee: I'm not someone. I'm your wife. Help me understand.
Ryan: It's just not that deep, Greenlee. It's where a bunch of guys go to let off a little steam. That's it.
Greenlee: You've thrown some real lame crap at me lately -- life-altering surgeries, not telling me -- but you've never disrespected me this much, dismissed me as some clueless female who won't understand what a man's got to do.
Ryan: Greenlee, you're the smartest woman that I've ever --
Greenlee: Then why are you treating me like an idiot who'll believe anything her big, strong husband hands out? Because you think that's what I want to hear? So I'll sigh with relief and go back to washing my dishes, because my macho man is just letting off some macho steam? No! You were pummeling a man with your bare fists, trying to kill him. Is that some new extreme sports cable show?
Ryan: I really got to hit the shower.
Greenlee: No, no, you're going to stay right here. You're going to look at me. Look at me. Me, Ryan, the woman who has seen all the hits that you've taken and the damage that it's done, the ghosts that won't leave you alone, the bad dreams, the nights that you can't sleep. I know because I've been there with you. I am the one person that you're honor-bound to tell the truth, because nothing has scared me enough to run until now. Tonight was not some harmless sport. You were someone else in that ring. I saw it in your eyes, so don't lie to me. Don't disrespect me by telling me that I can't handle whatever's going on inside you.
Ryan: I have to do it. I have to do it to keep you safe.
Kendall: Greenlee thinks that she can save Ryan by having his baby. She's moving heaven and earth, she's breaking the law to get pregnant.
Zach: It's two consenting adults. That's not breaking the law.
Kendall: Make that one consenting adult. Ryan had his pipeline shut down without telling Greenlee, so now she feels it's her duty as his savior to -- to have herself inseminated with a deposit that he left at a fertility clinic. Now, I don't know if she's brave or if she's just insane.
Zach: Now, how's she going to save Ryan by having his baby?
Kendall: By proving Ryan doesn't carry some monster gene he can pass on to his kids, that love is stronger than hate.
Zach: It's a hell of a risk.
Kendall: Answer me something, husband.
Zach: If I can.
Kendall: When does risk become insanity? And is there a fine line? Because if there is, Ryan has crossed it with this -- this whole Fight Club. All the anger and the blood and the fists? Ryan's lost in it. Now, I want to know for Greenlee's sake, can he ever come back? Can he -- can he hold a baby with the same hands that have bloodied and bashed in heads? I mean, can Ryan ever be a normal father coaching a Peewee Soccer game right after he practically killed a man in front of a cheering crowd? I don't know what to do here. Do I -- do I try to stop my friend from getting pregnant or do I just sit back and watch this train wreck happen?
Zach: Do you really want my opinion?
Kendall: How much will it hurt?
Zach: Depends on your tolerance for pain.
Kendall: First rule of Fight Club.
Babe: Hey, guys.
Babe: What can I get you?
Simone: Martini, vodka, straight up.
Ethan: Yeah, same.
Babe: All right, I'll be right back.
Ethan: You were pretty quiet in the car.
Simone: I'm having an identity crisis.
Ethan: Well, I know that feeling.
Simone: Really? I used to know who I was. I mean, I was a woman who knew everything about men. I mean, I really love hanging around you guys. It started when I was a kid with my brother. Way more fun than the girly girls on the block playing with their Malibu girly dolls, you know? You guys actually had clubhouses and played James Bond, and somehow I always wound up being Tanya Roberts with a few clothes missing. It was cool. There's nothing cool about tonight. Ethan, that club --
Ethan: You just -- just saw Ryan almost kill a man for sport.
Simone: You've been there, I mean, real punching fights. What does that feel like? I know some women who pile evil on other women, but we're talking about spreading nasty rumors or, you know, stealing a boyfriend.
[Josh and Amanda see Babe and Jamie kissing in the corner.]
Josh: Must be love.
Amanda: You'd think so, huh?
Josh: Babe said they were engaged.
Amanda: If only they were as happy as they look.
Erica: So, Lily, tell me, where did you go on your first date?
Lily: Well, first, we went to BJís where I had a medium soda and a burger with no ketchup, and Sam had a Philly cheese steak, and we shared curly fries.
Erica: And then where did you go after that?
Lily: We went to the movies. I told Sam nothing with loud music or violence or sex.
Jack: And you actually found something to see?
Lily: Yes, at the Dollar-plex. It was kind of hard to keep track of what was happening in the movie. I kept missing some parts.
Erica: You did? Why was that, honey?
Lily: It was because Sam and I were practicing our kissing. It's kind of hard to see the screen when your head is like this.
Reggie: Ok, two slices, on me.
Lily: Dad, when you and Erica are kissing, do both of you have your eyes closed or does one of you keep them open in case there's an emergency or something? It's a good idea for one of the kissers to have their eyes open, right?
Jack: Well, I -- actually, I -- I guess mostly it's the -- it's the woman who closes her eyes.
Erica: It is? Really, you don't? Well, that's really amazing. I guess that just goes to show how well I know the man I married.
Jack: Ok, who's up for pizza? You know, I'm thinking maybe extra sausage, garlic, some peppers?
Ethan: Man -- the only animal that kills for his own pleasure.
Simone: Where does the killer instinct come from?
Ethan: Who knows. Personally, I think that men are God's practical joke. You know, it's just this imperfection in an otherwise perfect universe. The Japanese call it wabi-sabi.
Ethan: It's that imperfection in perfection that makes it somehow all bearable.
Simone: Yeah, I hear what you're saying. I actually understand. I mean, I had, like, a flash just now of, like, a clear lake on a mountaintop. Peace. Serenity.
Ethan: I'm not going to lie to you, Simone. I don't claim to know why men do what they do to understand. If I understood that, I would know why I wanted to kill my father and why he tried so very hard to destroy me.
Zach: I get Ryan. I understand the self-hatred. Because when I cut myself, when I bleed, I see the blood of my father, my brother. And I understand what it's like to have a child you didn't plan on, a child no one ever told you about. See, some people don't have to drink the whole bottle of poison to kill themselves. Some of us find death in small doses over a lifetime.
Kendall: Ok. So how does that help me with Greenlee?
Zach: Self-destructive men shouldn't have children.
Kendall: I didn't hear you. What did you say?
Zach: Self-destructive men shouldn't have children.
Ryan: Let's just drop this, please.
Greenlee: No! No, you go in a ring and you try and fist-kill someone or get yourself killed. On what planet is that trying to save me?
Ryan: You see, there it is. There's the reason that I didn't tell you -- because you would never get it.
Greenlee: No, no, no, Ryan, you don't get to do this. You don't get to shut me down. I'm your wife. You will make me understand.
Ryan: I have to do it to keep you safe.
Greenlee: I need more.
Ryan: There's -- there's a fire burning inside of me, my anger, my inheritance, and it builds, and it builds, and it's got to go somewhere. But never at you. Never at you. I would kill myself before I let it out at you.
Greenlee: Isn't that what you're doing? Killing yourself fight by fight?
Ryan: The fighting lets me live my life. It -- it lets me burn the rage down to nothing, so that I can come home, and I won't be afraid of hurting you.
Greenlee: Damn it, Ryan, don't you get it? I'm not afraid of you!
Ryan: I'm afraid of me! I don't trust me! I know every -- every dark corner, every sharp turn inside of me, and I can't let you see that.
Greenlee: What if I've been there? What if I know you better than you know yourself?
Erica: No, it is harrowing. It's very nerve-racking. But this, too, you will survive.
Jack: I wish I was as confident as you. I'm starting to think maybe men shouldn't even have daughters.
Erica: Well, never mind the survival of the species, would you really give up one little moment of it? Lily making you raisin toast on Sunday mornings? And that first-ever hug? Calling you Dad?
Jack: Thank God for you. I mean, you seem to get these kids on a level that sometimes I just don't.
Erica: Oh, no. We are both cool parents. We are. And I even heard Reggie say that to Danielle. But they're never going to tell you that to your face, you know, except on rare occasion.
Jack: Well, I'll tell you this much -- I'll try to match you cool for cool, but I would never survive this dating stuff without you. And thank you so much for stopping me going off on Sam to keep his grubby mitts off our daughter.
Erica: You're very welcome. But, you know, I didn't come by this cool brilliance by accident. I made every mistake in the book as a parent. I just tried not to make them twice. Yeah, ok, three times. But the main thing is that we are going to survive them, and they are going to survive us, and someday we are going to just all sit around a great big table, and we are going to tell "remember when" stories that make us a family.
Jack: Come here, you.
Erica: Oh, you are so bad!
Jack: Tell me, where in this loft are we going to put this great big happy family table, huh?
Erica: Oh, no, we do definitely still need to look for another place to live, I mean, you know, a place where we can really, really spread out and, you know, put down roots, too, like our beautiful Banyan tree.
Lily: I brushed my teeth and flossed. Good night.
Erica: Good night, Lily.
Jack: Sweet dreams, honey.
Lily: One more thing. What's second base?
Erica: Oh -- we'll talk in the morning. That's all right.
Babe: Come on, guys, let's move! Last call was 15 minutes ago! Get your taxis, designated drivers together. Last one out gets to come back tomorrow.
Jamie: Hey, man, you got a ride?
Man: I walked from the motel across the road.
Jamie: All right, then. Well, take it easy.
Babe: All right, come on, come on! Let's go! This place is a revoked license waiting to happen. Have a good night!
Amanda: Babe -- she can kick you out and make you want to come back for more. A girl like that you don't want to let get away.
Josh: Babe -- your new best friend? You're working hard to sell her to me. Or not.
Ethan: Simone, I'm living proof -- life is just one cosmic exploding cigar.
Sine: I get you, Ethan. Thank God I actually get you.
Babe: Good night.
Simone: Good night.
Babe: Thanks for coming.
Simone: Yeah, whoo-hoo!
Kendall: Am I getting this, what you're telling me to do?
Zach: It doesn't matter how, as long as you do it before it's too late.
Greenlee: It hasn't changed. I love you. I want you. I won't lose you.
[Ryan and Greenlee hug each other.]
Zachís voice: Don't worry about hurting Greenlee. Whatever it takes. Scare the hell out of her if you have to. Just convince her not to have Ryan's baby.
>> On the next "All My Children" --
Myrtle (to Zach): Maria leaves today.
Tad (to Maria): There's nothing easy about saying good-bye.
Jamie (to Di): You are not Dixie.
Greenlee (to Simone and Kendall): Sometime today David will know which sample's Ryan's -- if I'm lucky, and I'm feeling very lucky.
David: What do you want?
Ryan: You make drugs.
David: You want some for you?
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