All My Children Transcript Monday 5/23/05
Proofread by Gisele
Amanda: You want me to sleep with your brother? Now, why would I do that when I've got you in my bedroom?
J.R.: Because I don't want to sleep with you.
Amanda: Mm-hmm. That was convincing.
J.R.: I want to use that sexy body and scheming head to turn my brother into a lying, crazy, cheating son of a bitch.
Jamie: Music to drown out the engines downstairs, your perfume to wash away the smell of oil. The hell with Mexican med schools, Aunt Phoebe, and all of it. All we need to be happy is you, me, your quality time with Little Adam, and a roof over our heads.
Babe: What was that? Oh, my God.
Jamie: Oh, look out!
[Sitting on the sofa kissing, Jamie and Babe feel water dripping from the ceiling and run out of the way just before a big piece of plaster comes crashing down.]
[Knock on door]
Simone: Hi, Ry. How's it going?
Ryan: It's -- it's -- you know Greenlee's out of town, right?
Simone: That's why I'm here -- you and Greenlee.
Kendall: What is wrong with you? I need a towel for the pool!
Greenlee: No, no, you can't. You don't! Erica. Yay! It's Erica.
Erica: Isn't it a glorious morning? Isn't it just perfect for indulgence?
Lily: Well, since I prefer not to be touched at the spa, Erica said I could go swimming instead.
Kendall: Ooh. Well, why don't you go have a nice swim, sister? As soon as Greenlee moves her butt --
Erica: Greenlee? What in the world are you doing?
Kendall: Well, she's the bride, Greenlee. Answer her.
Reggie: What's up, J?
Jack: Version six of my wedding vows. I certainly hope I can get more down than "My sweet Erica" before the minister calls "places."
Reggie: All right, well, put your vows on hold for right now. You know, I got a bone for you to chew on.
Jack: So what's on your mind, son?
Reggie: Well, as you know, obviously today's your wedding day.
Jack: Yes, that's been established.
Reggie: Yeah, I think it's time for me and you to have a little talk, man-to-man.
Jack: Look, if this is about responsible sex, save your breath. I got this great book, which I'll be giving to you when --
Reggie: No, no, no, no, no, that's not it. All right, Dad, look, no disrespect or anything, but you finally got Erica to the altar, and I just want to give you the 411 on how to actually stay married to Erica Kane.
Erica: Of course, Lily, you can swim, you can float, you can do whatever you like. Greenlee.
[After Greenlee moves away from the pool storage room door, Erica tries to open it.]
Erica: It's locked.
Kendall: That's weird. I'll get the manager.
Greenlee: Well, the spa has towels. We can get them there.
Kendall: Why do you not want us to open that door?
Parrot: Let me out!
Ryan: So, when did Greenlee and I become couple of the month for Pine Valleyís inquiring minds?
Simone: Don't misunderstand. I am a card-carrying member of the G-N-R Fan Club.
Ryan: If by G-N-R you mean Guns n' Roses, I'll buy it.
Simone: Seriously. If you and Greenlee make it after everything you've been through, you give the rest of us some hope.
Ryan: Well, happy to oblige.
Simone: You know, that necklace that you got her was some serious bling. I mean, she did not see that one coming.
Ryan: Sort of the idea behind surprises.
Simone: Yeah, well, it's pretty spendy. I mean, the first-anniversary gift's supposed to be, like, paper.
Ryan: So, what do you want me to do? You want me to take it back, what?
Simone: No. God, no. It's just that, you know, sometimes when people give phat gifts like that, it's because they really, really want to make a girl happy. Like this dentist-in-training that I was dating? He got me this real version of the knockoff bag that I was carrying. Yeah, it's great, so fabulous. We had a very cozy weekend.
Ryan: Ah, that's a very nice story, very sweet.
Simone: Yeah, yeah. But then there are people that give gifts out of a guilty conscience, like this bartender buddy that was making a little more behind the bar, unbeknownst to me, than a vodka gimlet, if you get my drift. Thankfully, he's got very nice taste in trinkets. But there's no guilt happening here, right?
Ryan: What would I have to feel guilty about, Simone?
Lily: There's someone in there. We have to help him.
Erica: Yes, of course we do, honey. You know what? You stay right here.
Kendall: Did you know about this? Is this why you didn't want to open the door before?
Greenlee: Why would you even think that?
Lily: Because your behavior is atypical, and therefore suspicious.
Kendall: If you know something, the door's going to be open any second, you better say something right now.
Greenlee: You've been so good to me lately, Kendall. You've had my back in a "friend, not quite sister, not mortal enemy" kind of way, and I just wanted to be a not mortal enemy back to you, too.
Kendall: Ok, nutball, get to the point.
Man: I'm sorry for the inconvenience.
Kendall: Oh, well, we're fine, but there's some poor man in there.
Greenlee: Yeah, poor thing.
Reggie: For starters, you and Erica are the most important things to each other, so if anything or anybody tries to get in between you two, you've got to take them down, the both of you.
Jack: That goes without saying.
Reggie: Ok, and number two, stay out of your kids' business, all right? I might need a little cross-examination from time to time, and Lily, she might need a little help, a little direction, but Kendall, Greenlee, and Bianca -- they're practically adults, and if you haven't noticed before, they really don't listen to you guys anyway.
Jack: It's interesting you bring this up. Erica and I just made a pact to butt out.
Jack: Seriously. So what's number three?
Reggie: Oh, number three. Ok, this is the deal-breaker, all right? You have to always remember -- Erica's always right.
Jack: Sorry, I can't do that. Never going to happen.
Greenlee: But I thought --
Kendall: You thought what?
Man: I'm sorry if Cukor frightened you. He's a talker.
Parrot: A wise guy, huh?
Erica: He's a parrot. Oh, I'm just so relieved that it isn't an actual person.
Lily: Does he say anything else?
Kendall: You looking for something, someone?
Greenlee: A float for Lily.
Kendall: Hello? If it were a snake, he would've bit you.
Erica: Ladies, saunas, hot rocks, massages.
Kendall: You know, I think maybe you should have a few extra treatments for Greenlee. She looks a little bit stressed.
Parrot: Here comes the bride
Jamie: Can you say substandard plumbing?
Babe: I guess we'll just have to make the best of it. Hey, you were the one that was complaining about the water pressure in the shower, anyway. We could just bring the soap on the rope out here.
Jamie: It's not enough that we have flying roaches and paper-thin walls. Now we have Niagara Falls in our living room.
Babe: We could always just get some decorative torches, some rocks, go luau style.
Jamie: Damn it!
[Screaming, Babe leaves her post holding Jamieís ladder when more of the ceiling comes crashing down in their living room.]
J.R.: Jamie's way too understanding. It makes him a sucker for Babe's manipulations.
Amanda: Yeah, well, if Jamie really believes that Babe walks on water, it's going to take a lot to change his mind.
J.R.: It's worth a shot. When I think back to how close Jamie and I used to be, it tears me up to see what that tramp has done to him. I lost a brother.
Amanda: You guys were tight.
J.R.: Jamie may believe that he doesn't need money to be happy, but I know firsthand what a mistake he's making by passing it up for Babe. Oh, he'll eventually see through her, and if I have to make him cheat to open his eyes quicker, I'll do it.
Amanda: With my help?
J.R.: I want my brother back.
Amanda: That is so beautiful. And the biggest load of crap I think I've heard since the last guy who told me all he wanted was a goodnight kiss. You want your revenge fix. You wear it like a pair of old jeans. You do not want your brother back. You just want to make them as miserable as possible.
J.R.: Is there anything wrong with that?
Amanda: Maybe not. I'd be the perfect tool in your hand to do that, wouldn't I?
J.R.: Yes. Yes, you would.
Greenlee: Slater, open up! Um -- the man who was staying here, Zach Slater -- do you know where he is?
Maid: He checked out.
Reggie: Is Miranda sleeping?
Jack: Shh, she's out like a light. Where were we? Oh, yeah, you were just about to take some notes for future reference, huh? First of all, Reggie, nobody is always right or always wrong in any relationship. Erica and I have been doing this dance for, what, 17 years now. I still haven't figured her out, and I hope I never do.
Reggie: Wait a second, you lost me.
Jack: That maddening, ever-changing personality of hers -- that's why I find her so damned attractive. Now, I'll still be myself after the wedding and Erica will still be herself, and I thank God for that.
Reggie: Ok, so basically what you're telling me is there's a lot more bumps along the road.
Jack: Oh, absolutely. Perks and setbacks are all part of the package. If you're lucky, ok, the troubles keep you strong, they keep the marriage together. And if you can get over those rough spots without either partner having to sacrifice who they are, then, my friend, you've got a real strong foundation that'll last you the rest of your life.
Greenlee: I couldn't agree with you more.
Ryan: I got an earful from Kendall, all her feelings about my marriage. Really don't need you to pile it on.
Simone: You know, I've never been compared to Kendall before, and God forbid that we start now, ok? I came by because I'm concerned.
Ryan: And for gossip, and I'm sorry, but there isn't any. Greenlee and I are doing just fine, thank you.
Simone: I did not come by for gossip, Ryan, honest. It's just tragic stuff can make us do things out of the norm, ok? Like the time I fell out of my mules on Fifth Avenue right in front of Clive Owen, ok? I bit the curb, and he was, like, three feet from me. It was completely depressing. I couldn't answer my e-mail for a week. And real grief, it can make us do crazy things. I just -- I hope that you don't do anything crazy that you can't take back.
Ryan: What are you talking about, Simone, and who the hell have you been talking to?
Bianca: How much do you love this place?
Kendall: Oh, how much do you love it? Reggie and Jack are baby-sitting for you.
Bianca: I know.
Kendall: Who knew they could do Daddy Daycare?
Bianca: Well, Reggie helped me out last night, too. I needed a little time to talk to Ethan.
Kendall: You know what, I think I'm going to do the hot rocks. Hmm, how restful does that sound?
Bianca: Kendall, I don't think that Ethan is lost, not yet.
Kendall: Hot rocks, restful. Ethan, not restful. Binks, you know how long I've waited for you to come back since you left for France? Lounge with me, spa with me, but don't Ethan with me, ok?
Bianca: But I think he loves you, and this thing is so screwed up.
Kendall: Yes, for a reason, because he screwed up. Just leave it alone, ok? You know, something has happened since you've gone away. I actually look after myself -- I mean, not good, but I'm working on it. You don't have to look after me anymore.
Bianca: This isn't an attack. This is actually an apology. You were right to insist, and Ethan was dead wrong to say no. And I'm sorry, for both of you.
Kendall: You know, they're opening a new little French bistro in Pine Valley. You sure you won't move back? I was a pain back there. I thought you'd go off.
Bianca: You a pain? Thank you. Me go off?
Kendall: No, I'm serious. I thought you would be like, "Kendall, you and your damn tests. Haven't you learned anything by now? What is wrong with you? I mean, if you hadn't tried to test Ryan, you never would've lost him --"
Bianca: Whoa, Kendall, hang on for a second there. Why would I ever go off on you? You can do it so well yourself.
Kendall: Ok. I'll shut up now and sip my sassy little peach drink. Hmm.
Bianca: You know, last night, I tried to convince Ethan that this thing with Zach is never going to be what he really wants -- love, family, a sense of belonging.
Kendall: Oh. You think letting someone get away with it is letting the hurt go. You think if you can just pay them back enough, you can heal and you can love. But the playback's never enough. You just keep going and going.
Bianca: You get Ethan. You were Ethan.
Kendall: Yeah, lucky me. Lucky us.
Bianca: After our conversation, I got this little glimmer that he might've heard me, but I haven't been able to track him down today. I think maybe I blew it. I think he might've left.
Kendall: It's over. I'm fine.
Bianca: How does "fine" equal "ready to marry Ethanís father"?
Kendall: It's just business.
Bianca: As bizarre as this may sound, I wish it were for love.
Kendall: You go ahead and tell our mom that you want me to fall in love with Zach. You just wait, the nail polish will fly.
Bianca: What I mean is if you marry for business, you kind of blow your chances for finding real love.
Kendall: Well, who says I can't get my loving on the side?
Bianca: Kendall, you've come so far this year. You've been so brave and taken so many chances -- and, yeah, not all of them worked out. Ethan broke your heart. That probably makes him not the one, but love is still out there for you.
Kendall: I have love, Binks, I do. I have you, I have Mom and Jack and beautiful, gorgeous Miranda. I mean, look at us. We are all here in this ridiculously amazing place, our mother is about to actually say, "I do" to the one, she's going to finally marry the one. I mean, how incredible is that?
Bianca: Yes, but you can have that, too.
Kendall: I don't need it. Honestly, Bianca, I don't. When Mom and Jack say "I do," our family grows -- huge, bigger, and crazier and lovier, and disgustingly lovier.
Kendall: I mean, you're going to have to bust out with the crash cart, I'm damn near going to OD on love.
Bianca: Kendall, I -- I love you big, you know that?
Kendall: All the way to Paris and back.
Bianca: Oh, hug me right now.
Kendall: Ok. Guess my drink will have to wait. Ok for you. Let's drink.
Bianca: Mm-hmm. Let's spa.
Ryan: Have you been talking to Kendall?
Simone: No, I haven't. I told you, I'm here for support. Greenlee is one of my very best friends in the entire world. Although, being married to her can't be all that cushy. I mean, God knows she's hard-headed, stubborn, bossy, self-centered, demanding --
Ryan: I'll be sure to tell her how supportive you are when she gets back.
Simone: Wait, don't misunderstand. I mean, I heart Greenlee, ok? But it can't be easy. I mean, she's an emotional smack-a-mole. I mean, as soon as you get one part settled down, another one pops up -- bam, bam, bam, bam, bam.
Ryan: Stop! Nothing about Greenlee needs to be changed, ok? She's perfect the way she is. That's why I married her, period, end of discussion.
Simone: Aw. That's touching. I'm glad to hear it. So when are you guys going to have a baby?
Greenlee: I was on my way to spa when I heard your relationship tutorial. Had to stop.
Reggie: Ok, manicure, lecture. Manicure --
Greenlee: Oh, 9 out of 10 I'm all about manicure, but this was as good a description of marriage as I've ever heard. And here I was thinking you didn't understand.
Reggie: Ok, tuxedo, awkward moment. Tuxedo -- you know, I'm going to catch you later, Dad.
Reggie: See you later.
Jack: All right, Reggie. Greenlee, over the past few days, I've been thinking a lot about your marriage and my arguments against it.
Greenlee: Didn't work, won't work. Quit trying.
Jack: I intend to. And frankly, you can thank Erica for that.
Greenlee: "Thank" and "Erica" are two words I can't string together.
Jack: Yeah, well, she's opened my eyes about a few things lately. I know now that a lot of my anger toward Ryan was really, really about his brothers. But he bore the brunt of it, because I couldn't very well take it out on Braden or Jonathan.
Greenlee: Wow. Erica did do a number on you. Is my father still in there?
Jack: Yeah, and here comes a piece of him right now. I still think that Ryan put you in some very dangerous situations, and I do not regret for a moment confronting him about that. Honey, when it comes to you, I've got a hair-trigger temper if I think anything is beginning to ruin your happiness.
Greenlee: It's ok. Just try and ease up on the draw a little.
Jack: I will. I'll do my best. I just want you to know my heart is with you no matter what.
Greenlee: I know.
Jamie: Pipe wrench.
Babe: Uh -- pipe wrench.
Jamie: And screwdriver.
Babe: Uh -- the crisscrossy kind or the straight kind?
Jamie: The crisscrossy kind.
Babe: Screwdriver. How's it looking up there?
Jamie: Like a freaking idiot installed these pipes. Babe?
Jamie: Do you know where the shut-off valve for the water is?
Babe: Am I really supposed to know the answer to this question or is this a trick question?
Jamie: Find it, quick!
[Too late! Water comes cascading down on Jamieís head.]
Amanda: Wow, Jamie really turned down all that money?
J.R.: Yeah, he had the world at his feet. What'd he do? Walked away.
Amanda: Genius move. Isn't it enough punishment -- I mean, he's going to have to live with your ex and be so poor.
J.R.: He thinks he's going to be happy as long as he's with Babe. She was born with a plastic spoon in her mouth. Trust me, she won the lottery with Jamie.
Amanda: So this is about Babe, then, not your brother?
J.R.: Yeah, Babe Carey has given me nothing but grief and soul rot, and Jamieís been at her side almost the entire time. But there's no way that I'm going to allow either one of them to delude themselves into being happy, not while I'm breathing.
Amanda: I think it kills you that Jamie can make Babe happy when you couldn't, and if you couldn't keep her, neither can baby brother.
J.R.: You don't have the goods to get Jamie in the sack. We can just bag the whole deal. But you're going to have to explain your sticky-finger situation to the cops.
Amanda: J.R.? I know you want me. Still think I don't have what it takes to bag the deal? You want to have sex with me. Why wouldn't Jamie want me, too?
[Amanda drops her robe.]
J.R.: He'd be tempted.
Amanda: Oh. Is that all you are, J.R., is tempted? Before I commit, I want to know what I get out of this -- well, besides sleeping with your brother. I'm looking forward to that part. Babe sure seems to be happy.
Babe: So, what are we going to do about the hole in the ceiling?
Jamie: Oh, no big deal. Just have to fix a section of pipe, patch, repair, and paint the ceiling, while I fix two transmissions and install forks on a Japanese bike I've never seen before.
Babe: You shouldn't be doing this.
Jamie: Can't afford a handyman.
Babe: That's not what I mean. Jamie, this is the kind of life your aunt was trying to spare you from.
Jamie: Hey, you have to stop this, Babe, ok? This may not be our dream house, this may not be the life I wanted for us. But as long as we're together, it's exactly where I want to be.
Simone: I thought you and Greenlee were on the baby track.
Ryan: We were. We're not anymore. Hey, you don't have to be worried about Greenlee and me. We are fine. Everything is going to be ok even without your help.
Simone: Ok. That's really all I wanted to know. Thank you, ok? Thank you. Thank you, thank you for reassuring me.
[While Cyndi Lauperís famous song plays, Lily reads as Greenlee, Kendall, Miranda, and Erica enjoy themselves by the pool, drinking, eating, swimming, and being pampered by the spa staff with massages, cucumbers on the eyes, and rose petal baths.]
Singer: I come home in the morning light. My mother says, "When you gonna live your life right?" Oh, mother dear, we're not the fortunate ones, and girls they want to have fun. Oh, girls just want to have fun. The phone rings in the middle of the night. My father yells, "Whatcha gonna to do with your life?" Oh, Daddy dear, you know you're still number one, but girls they want to have fun. Oh, girls just want to have fun. That's all they really want, some fun. When the working day is done, oh, girls they want to have fun. Oh, girls just want to have fun. Girls, they want, want to have fun. Girls want to have -- they just want to -- they just want to. Oh, girls -- they just want to -- they just want to. Girls just want to have fun. Girls, girls just want to have fun. They just want to Ė
Jack: All right.
Greenlee: George Clooney, eat your heart out.
Jack: Ah, yeah, right.
Reggie: Oh, J, you clean up pretty well.
Jack: Ah, look at how good you look, son.
Reggie: Thank you.
Lily: Why is everybody staring at me?
Jack: Lily, I have never seen you look more beautiful --
Reggie: Lily --
Jack: Or more grown-up.
Reggie: You look amazing.
Lily: I let Erica help with my hair.
Jack: Do you know how excited Erica is to be joining this family? I mean, she loves you guys so much.
Greenlee: Ah, two out of three ain't bad.
Jack: It'll be three out of three before long, don't you worry about that. You know, I remember a time not so long ago when I didn't have anybody in my life to call me Dad. Now look.
Lily: Well, I always called you Dad after you married my mom.
Jack: Yes. That's true, honey, but that was before you came to live with me. And without you by my side, I always felt that there was something missing. Then I was blessed with Reggie here and Greenlee and with my Lily coming back home. I love you guys so much. And I cannot tell you how much it means to me that you're here with me standing by my side when I finally, truly, thoroughly marry Erica Kane.
Kendall: Look at you. You look amazing, gorgeous. Who's the little smiley one in the yellow? Who's the little smiley one?
Kendall: Are you smiley? Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Kendall: You are precious.
Bianca: Oh, Mom.
Kendall: Oh, no, no, none of this, ok? No, we have no time for make-up repairs here, ok?
Erica: But you three look so beautiful.
Bianca: Are you ready to get dressed?
Bianca: Oh, no, no, no, no! Not that way.
Kendall: Over here.
Erica: Oh. You remembered.
Bianca: Can't forget a part of your soul.
Kendall: Imagine what Mona would say if you just blew right past.
[Taking Miranda in her arms, Erica stands in front of a full-length mirror flanked by her daughters, Kendall and Bianca.]
Erica: Miranda? This is our tradition. This was started by my mother, who wanted us to always remember who we are and what we're made of. Oh, you are part of a very special clan, miss little beautiful girl. Yes, you are, and you must almost remember -- yes.
Erica: Oh, you're always going to remember -- sure.
Erica: Look at the baby!
Bianca: This is our legacy, passed from Mona to Erica --
Kendall: From Erica to Kendall and Bianca --
Erica: And from Bianca to you, sweetheart -- yes, you! To Miranda -- yes. Yes, and you'll remember, honey, huh? The legacy is our love.
Kendall: And our strength.
Bianca: We can survive anything.
Kendall: Oh, I think we already have.
Erica: Oh, and we will. We always will, as long as we stand together. Yes.
Erica: And you'll remember that, won't you, sweetheart? You're going to teach it to your little girl, she's going to teach it to hers -- yes.
Erica: We are Kane women, and we will always have each other. Yes!
Kendall: Ok. Mother, I think your groom is waiting.
Erica: Oh. Just try and stop me.
Kendall: Oh, yes.
J.R.: What else do you want out of this, Amanda? Freedom isn't enough for you? You seduce Jamie, I don't call the cops. You don't get arrested for stealing out of my safe -- I think that that is a deal.
Amanda: Not good enough.
J.R.: It works for me.
[In their destroyed, damp apartment, Jamie and Babe, are passionately kissing as he picks her up and carries her to the kitchen sink.]
Amanda: Huh. This is worth a hell of a lot more than that. Our good friend Jamie is crazy-go-nuts in love with Babe. No matter what you say about your ex, I doubt she's stupid enough to let Jamie get away without a knockdown-dragout. So, I have to take baby steps before I take off my baby doll. A wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am won't get Jamie. This is going to take planning -- lots of careful, sexy planning. You don't sign me up, you don't even have a plan.
J.R.: All right. What else do you want, Amanda?
Amanda: Room and board, paid tuition, and a grand week.
J.R.: Oh. Is that all?
Amanda: Nope. If I pull this off, I get a night with you. Huh. I promise it'll be the best part of the deal.
J.R.: Room, board, tuition, allowance. We'll discuss the bonus later.
Amanda: Hmm. You're no fun.
J.R.: Do we have a deal?
Amanda: I don't know. Do we?
Back at their place, Babe removes her robe and enjoys some more of Jamieís kisses.]
[Sitting at home reading a pamphlet about his upcoming procedure, Ryan recalls past conversations, then hides it under a tray on the sofa table.]
Greenlee's voice: You're grieving -- your head is in the wrong place. Whatever you're feeling right now, you may not feel tomorrow, so, what, you divorce me? Break my heart, then in six months say, "my bad, I overreacted. Just part of the grieving process"?
Simoneís voice: Real grief -- it can make us do crazy things. I just -- I hope that you don't do anything crazy that you can't take back.
Kendallís voice: But I still think not telling her what you're planning to do down there stinks.
Ryan's voice: If I tell her now, she'll try to stop it. I'll tell her when it's done, and if she wants to meet me, so be it.
Kendall's voice: It'll be one hell of a homecoming, won't it, Ryan?
[As sweet music plays, all the wedding party members take their positions outside, walk past the fountain, through the garden brimming with gorgeous white flowers, and finally reach the courtyard where the officiant is standing under the mystical Banyan tree.]
>> On the next "All My Children"
[At Jack & Erica's wedding, with their family lovingly supporting them, the bride and groom exchange rings, enjoy their first married kiss and dance together, cut the cake, then wave good-bye from the deck of a yacht named, ďAt Last.Ē]
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