All My Children Transcript Friday 5/13/05
Proofread by Gisele
Babe: Your Great-aunt Phoebe didn't just run this town, Jamie. She definitely rocked it.
Jamie: She had one amazing run.
J.R.: Yeah, but lucky for us, life goes on. Where's the buffet?
Jamie: Feeding frenzy's over. Get out.
J.R.: Sorry, can't blow off old Pheebs' last request. I'm here for the will reading and the deviled eggs.
Babe: Ethan Cambias fired J.R., so he's hoping to get a cut of Phoebe's estate so he can snag back Chandler.
Jamie: Well, hopefully, she left you the secret to being human. But since you treat the dead and my dad like spit, I'm kicking you out of his house.
Maddie: Sam! You can't be here.
Sam: Chill out.
Maddie: Oh, well, go hide. You want to get caught?
Sam: I was already busted by the local super spy.
Sam: Devane picked me up, unloaded me. He's probably still out there doing guard duty and knuckle pushups.
Maddie: Uh-uh. I was jetting to meet you.
Maria: Maddie, who are you talking to? You're not allowed to have any guests. Sam, thank God. You are not going to do this again, ever.
Kendall: You're a liar. You're a liar! You're not going to a shrink. If Dr. Cooper does his job, no babies for you.
Ryan: Where did you get that?
Kendall: From his nurse. I called all three Dr. Coopers in the county, ID'd myself as your wife.
Ryan: Where do you get off?
Kendall: Yeah, she told me how to care for you after your procedure. Let's see -- boxer shorts, ice packs, no girlie magazines for about 72 hours.
Ryan: You crossed a line.
Kendall: Oh, really? I crossed a line? You crossed a line. You decide that you don't want to give Greenlee any babies, so you decide to make it impossible behind her back? Ok, well, she's not going to be very happy when I tell her this.
Ryan: No, no. You are not going to tell Greenlee a damned thing.
Greenlee: Mmm, is that Chinese? Ah, yes, I'm starving!
Jack: Why aren't you at home cooking a pot roast for your husband?
Greenlee: You must have me confused with some domestic diva.
Jack: No, it's just you're the only one in the family who has someone who cares waiting for you.
Greenlee: I'm here. I care. I'm sorry your surprise wedding shower turned into a monsoon.
Jack: Yeah, well, thank you very much for that, but I really don't want to do a postmortem.
Greenlee: I just say that we all stay our of each other's love lives.
Jack: So what do you think? You think Erica and Kendall are doing wedding trades behind my back even as we speak?
Greenlee: No, no, no. No deals. I'm probably going to regret saying this, but I'm here to beg you to marry Erica.
Erica: Oh. You're home.
Zach: What do you want?
Erica: I have an offer that you can't possibly afford to refuse. As you told me, your marriage proposal to my daughter Kendall is strictly a business arrangement. You need a wife to take control of your gambling licenses and to help you steal Cambias.
Zach: Take what is mine.
Erica: You need a spouse to help you protect Bianca and Miranda’s corporate interests.
Zach: Simplicity itself.
Erica: I can make it even simpler. Leave my daughter Kendall alone and marry me.
Zach: You're joking, right?
Erica: Am I laughing?
Zach: No. You and me, husband and wife -- that -- I -- well, that's impossible for me to imagine.
Erica: Well, I'm here to make it more possible.
Zach: Huh. Erica Kane, celebrity businesswoman, hitched to a Cambias?
Erica: No, my married name would be Slater.
Zach: You just want to get back on the Vegas stage, don't you?
Erica: I have no intention of ever going back on the Vegas stage, or anywhere near Vegas or Atlantic City. You and I will operate in completely separate spheres.
Zach: Now, wait a second. I'm going to have to have my wife on my arm, you know, keep the high rollers happy.
Erica: Well, you just tell Pug and the boys that that was Desirée Dubois. And this opportunity is brought to you by Erica Kane, who no longer intends to play those games of chance.
Zach: "Erica Kane weds ex-jailbird." I like the sound of it.
Erica: It's no secret that this would not be a love match for either of us. So at least no one will take me for a fool.
Zach: Is this your way of telling me that you no longer hate me?
Erica: I hate you more than ever.
Zach: But it's not a deal breaker?
Erica: You want my daughter Kendall as your bride. That is unacceptable. I will not allow my daughter to be used by you in some revenge game on your son.
Zach: So you will sacrifice yourself?
Erica: On a limited basis. I certainly demand the same terms you offered my daughter -- separate households, preferably in separate states. Certainly no hint of conjugal rights.
Zach: Hmm. You know, you are a pillar of strength. You'd throw yourself on a stake to save your daughter. I am curious, though. How do you think your current fiancé feels about this?
Jack: You know, that sister act that you and Kendall put on last night -- that was really something to behold.
Greenlee: Well, it started out as an act, partly. But we really are behind you and Erica.
Jack: I appreciate the support.
Greenlee: I know I'm partly to blame. You and Erica on opposite sides of me and Ryan.
Jack: Make sure you save some dumplings for Lily. She loves those things.
Greenlee: I never meant for my marital problems to get you and Erica off the wedding track. But you can fix it. Ryan and I aren't back there, but we're getting there, and there's no reason that you can't do the same.
Jack: Greenlee, you don't get the hint. I really don't want to talk about this, if that's all right with you.
Greenlee: Excuse me? You get to spin my marriage to Ryan like a chukka-stick, but I can't say a few encouraging words about you and Erica?
Jack: Wait, wait, wait. What the hell is this all about? You have never, ever been a cheerleader for Erica and me. I would think you would be doing cartwheels over the fact we're not getting married. I should be joining you in those cartwheels, in fact. I mean, this was a close call, a really close call. I should be thrilled, ecstatic. I mean, after all, who needs the aggravation?
Greenlee: You do. You live on it, you and Erica. You bug each other, you battle it out. As much as she makes you crazy, I get that she's right for you. Just like Ryan is right for me.
Jack: Well, then God help us both. Look, I got to tell you, I am fresh out of ideas when it comes to Erica.
Greenlee: Come on. You've been through how many break-ups with Erica? You know exactly what she wants.
Jack: Oh, that that were true. But if you think you've got the key to Erica, feel free to hand it over to me.
Ryan: Kendall, listen to me. You listen to me. You take your nose out of my life.
Kendall: It's Greenlee's life, too.
Ryan: Yeah, right. So what gives you the right to butt in?
Kendall: I told you, I'm her friend.
Ryan: Look, just because you're not pulling each other's hair out right now doesn't give you the right to run my life, my marriage.
Kendall: Ok, well, excuse me for giving a damn.
Ryan: You know what, Kendall? You got too much time on your hands. What, are you bored? Why don't you cook up some more revenge on Ethan? Marry Slater, make his life miserable. Just trash your own life and leave mine alone.
Kendall: Right, ok, order me out. Leave my friend alone to dream of the baby she'll never have because you tricked her out of it. Ryan, it's her future. You're not even giving her a vote.
Ryan: Ok, excuse me, I tricked her?
Ryan: Have you heard the one about my wife nearly tricking me into having a baby? No vote for Daddy.
Kendall: Yes, ok, Greenlee's stunt was stupid. I admit that. But grounds to ask her for a divorce?
Ryan: Ok, I admit that was a bad call.
Kendall: Yes, well, you're about to make another very big one if you go for extreme birth control without telling your wife.
Ryan: Just, please -- you don't understand. I have to do everything I can to make sure no child of mine is born into this world. This is the only way.
Maria: Did you come back to get Maddie?
Sam: Devane dumped me at the front door.
Maria: I am so angry at you, I could strangle you.
Maddie: We're under house arrest. No TV, tunes, cell phones.
Sam: Why don't you send us to our naughty chairs?
Maria: Oh, there will be punishment, but we'll discuss that later.
Sam: Dad's dead. There's nothing you can do to me now.
Maria: Then -- ok, what I really want to do is I want to sit down, and I want to talk, and I want to hear from you guys why you ran away.
Sam: Well, it's all in "The Exposer."
Maria: Yeah. I lost control at the tribute for your father --
Sam: You were wasted.
Maria: Yes, I was wasted, ok? And I said some really stupid things that I regret. And I'm sorry if they hurt you both, and I hope that you'll both understand and that you'll forgive me. Look, we're going to work through this as a family. I found a family counselor, because Lord knows we can't keep up like this. I don't want to lose us, do you understand?
Maddie: I hate you. I hate living in this house. I hate my life.
Maria: Sam, please tell me that you understand how important it is to hang together as a family.
Sam: Tell me who my parents are.
J.R.: You back off. Tad would kick me out, but he won't. Because he likes me more than I hate him.
Babe: No, Tad just has 10 times the heart you do.
Jamie: He still remembers when you were part of this family. And even after all the crud you pulled -- well, I guess that still means something.
J.R.: I guess that's supposed to make him my hero, right? He told me that my son was dead, and when that didn't fly, he dropped the bomb about my mother being alive. Life, death -- it doesn't really matter unless I'm off your backs. Your dad, my hero, is really one twisted SOB.
Jamie: You know, you never get it right. Tad wouldn't make up stuff about Dixie.
J.R.: I guess your smarts really haven't rubbed off on him yet, Babe.
Jamie: I put up with you at Aunt Phoebe's funeral. I'm done.
J.R.: Why don't you page me when the lawyer gets here?
Jamie: They're real -- the new leads about Dixie. And I'm going to stuff them down J.R.’s throat.
Babe: Jamie, wait, please don't.
Brooke: J.R. What are you doing here?
J.R.: I was invited. I don't know, I guess I'm in the will.
Tad: Is that right?
J.R.: Who's he?
Man: Henry Belden, Mrs. Wallingford's attorney.
J.R.: Well, I guess I'm in the right place then, Mr. Belden.
Henry: Mrs. Wallingford wanted you present for the reading of the will. You'll find she had some rather unusual ideas about life in Pine Valley after she left it.
Jamie: Why not make J.R. face facts? He's Dixie’s son. He deserves to know.
Babe: Yeah, but telling J.R. that his mom is alive, and she could still be dead -- giving him that hope and ripping it away, Jamie -- it's as bad as what we did with little Adam.
Jamie: If there's a chance to make J.R. scream, grab it. He never misses a shot at us.
Babe: I'm not all about that anymore. I am not going to make it always about payback. All it does is it revs J.R.’s revenge cycle and it comes back to bite us. Please, Jamie, the only way that we can win this is if we're better than J.R.
Brooke: Jamie, Babe, this is Mr. Belden, Aunt Phoebe's lawyer.
Jamie: James Martin.
Henry: Now, if everyone will get comfortable, let's get started.
Greenlee: Think like the brilliant attorney that you are. Erica called off the wedding to make a point.
Jack: Yes, the point being she doesn't want to marry me.
Greenlee: Oh, she's all about marrying you. Her feelings are just out of joint. She's waiting for an apology.
Jack: From me? For what? She's the one that decided to use our life together as a bargaining chip. Kendall doesn't marry Zach, then Erica marries me. I stay out of your and Ryan's business, Erica deigns to be my wife. Who the hell gave her the right to use our life together as a game of Texas hold 'em?
Greenlee: You just have to get her out of this corner she's backed herself into. Sweep her off her feet. Give her something spectacular. Just make it so huge, she falls back into your arms in one of those "what were we fighting about?" Moments.
Jack: And I would do that why?
Greenlee: Because you love her. If you want your own wonderful life instead of wasting it on screwing up your kids, go after her. Marry the woman that drives you nuts. You and Erica belong together.
Lily: Greenlee's right, Dad. You have to marry Erica.
Erica: If by "fiancé" you're referring to Jackson Montgomery, his feelings about this arrangement are completely irrelevant. I've called the wedding off.
Zach: Oh? What did Jackson do to get excommunicated?
Erica: That's none of your business.
Zach: Ok, let's -- let's recap. I'm pure evil if I marry Kendall to stick it in my son's face. But you marrying me to rub Jackson’s face in it -- that's ok?
Erica: They're two totally different situations.
Zach: Oh, no, no, I'm not blaming you. I mean, personally, I think he's a bit of a stuffed shirt.
Erica: Ok, here's another rule. You never badmouth Jackson, not ever. He may be idealistic, he may be way too stubborn and -- and tall. And he may be so good that he makes some of us look really terrible. But he's worth 10 of you.
Zach: That's a lot of rules, but I got it.
Erica: You're wasting my time. Do we have a deal?
Zach: It -- it's a charming proposal, and I'm tempted just to see what's going to happen next.
Erica: I suggest that we really get this over with as soon as possible.
Zach: I have no grudge against Jackson. And do you really think Kendall is going to appreciate and thank you for stepping in like that?
Erica: Of course not. But she should. And so should you. I'm saving you from making the biggest mistake of your lives.
Kendall: So, this is why you're calling off the divorce? You're having your secret little procedure instead of ditching your marriage. So this way Greenlee gets to hang on to her husband, but she'll never have the children that she's always dreamed of.
Ryan: Believe me, Kendall, it's for the best.
Kendall: Ryan, Greenlee has dreamed of having your children ever since I can remember, and now you're snatching that dream away from her, and she doesn't even know it.
Ryan: She also doesn't know what a child would do to us.
Kendall: Ok, so, birth control. I mean, why go for something so permanent?
Ryan: Because, Kendall, my situation is permanent. Ok? I am a Lavery, I will always be a Lavery. The beatings, the torture, the hate -- it's inside me. All right? And I'm not going to pass that on to an innocent child. I'm not going to let out what's inside of me.
Kendall: Ryan, listen to me, ok? I'm not Richard Fields. And you're not Patrick Lavery or Jonathan or Braden.
Ryan: And how do you know that?
Kendall: Because I know. I was there. I was in the cave. I saw the difference.
Ryan: Then you saw me shoot my brother.
Kendall: Yes, but you didn't do it out of cold blood. It wasn't an act of a crazy man. You did it to save lives. You loved Jonathan, and I know that must have -- it broke your heart.
Ryan: But you don't know what was in my heart when I pulled the trigger. Nobody does, not even Greenlee.
Kendall: Well, I'm sure you were scared out of your mind.
Ryan: No, "scared" is not even close, Kendall. When I saw my brother waving that gun around, threatening to kill us -- trapped, tortured -- it was just like home. Kendall, my brother Jonathan was forcing me to take my dad's way out, and I hated him for it. But I raised the gun and I pulled the trigger anyway. And in that moment, I was my father. I wanted my brother dead.
Maria: Thanks for waiting with Sam for me. The counselor that I talked to you about earlier is coming tonight. I got her on the phone.
Sam: So give it up already. Who are they?
Maria: Come on, you know who your parents are. Edmund and I.
Sam: Come on. You guys gave me the whole "we couldn't love you more if you were our own" speech when I was 5. Who are my biological parents?
Anita: Sam, don't you think you guys have enough going on right now?
Sam: I know you know. I would hear you and Dad talking, then you'd shut up when I came into the room. Maybe a shot of champagne would help?
Anita: Sam, don't talk to your mom like that.
Maria: Yes, I do know. Of course, I know. I just don't think that who your biological parents are right now really matters. I'm your mother, Sam, in the -- I am your mother in every way that matters, and you've never questioned that.
Sam: Then tell me who my real dad is. Tell me, or we are done for good.
Maria: Ok, ok. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Sam: It's someone I know, isn't it?
Maria: Yeah, yes, it is. It's -- it's someone who actually used to be family. Your birth father is your Uncle Bobby.
Jack: Lily, sweetheart, I know you don't like change very much. But with Erica, change is an everyday event.
Lily: But you promised us, Dad, and Erica promised me that she would be my mother. And she told me that it's better not to hide from the world, and that we should enjoy our favorite things. And she also gave me really good advice about boyfriends and making the butterflies go away.
Greenlee: I gave you advice, too, remember?
Lily: Yes, but Erica knew because she's had more than seven boyfriends. And she was right, because today I got my first kiss, and a new boy made the butterflies come back.
Jack: So you -- you met a boy at school that you really like, huh?
Lily: It's Sam. But he's very careful with me, but so far everything feels good.
Greenlee: Too bad Erica's not here to dole out motherly advice.
Lily: I don't think I need it right now. Sam knows what he's doing, and he said he'd teach me.
Jack: Feel free to jump in.
Greenlee: Oh, no! You want to play bachelor father? Get the practice in.
Lily: No, I don't want a bachelor father. I need Erica to be my mother. You promised!
Erica: Kendall never likes it when I interfere in her affairs, but this was a pure act of sanity for me to step in and take her place at the altar with you. She deserves a lot more than to enter into a cold and calculated and loveless marriage.
Zach: She gets to punish Ethan. That should keep her happy.
Erica: Once my daughter gets over your despicable son, she's going to wake up, and she's going to want what she has always wanted -- a real marriage, not just a business arrangement. And when the right man comes along, by the way -- no contract, no force of nature could keep Kendall tied to you or your son. She would gnaw off her own leg like a wild animal in a trap to escape the deal she made with the devil.
Zach: You, on the other hand, would just walk into Satan's den and demand to sign on the dotted line, right?
Erica: Yes. So are you up to the challenge?
Zach: I'm sorry. I'm going to have to decline your selfless offer. It's Kendall or no one.
Kendall: That was an insane day, Ryan. Everything was hitting you at once so fast.
Ryan: That day, my life changed. I pulled the trigger, and I realized what I was capable of. So now my life is all about precautions and safety nets. I will do whatever I have to do to make sure I don't hurt the people that I love.
Kendall: Ok, Ryan, love is all about taking risks and getting hurt.
Ryan: Kendall, you have kids, you childproof your house to keep them safe. You cover up the sockets and you put away the toxic chemicals. Well, I'm childproofing my life. Because if I had a son, and I came home from a long day, and he came, and he asked me to read him a book, and I was beat, but he kept begging me -- like, "Daddy, please! Please, Daddy, please!" And he woke up what's inside of me -- and then suddenly, there's my dad in full rage, only it's not my dad. It's me, getting ready to slap my kid across the room, and he's begging me to stop, saying, "Please, Daddy, don't. I will be good. I'll be good. Please, stop." My God, Kendall, if I get anywhere near that, I swear to you, I will throw myself off of a cliff.
Kendall: No, Ryan, never. All right? That would never, ever be you. You would stop yourself long before you would ever let that happen.
Ryan: You don't understand, Kendall. This is not something I turn off and on. It's rage, and it's in here. And I have to beat it down because I'm scared I will lose it, and I will hurt Greenlee.
Kendall: No, no, you would never do that either.
Ryan: I have such control? The other night I almost took Jack's head off.
Kendall: Ok, well, guys go off on each other. It's a macho thing.
Ryan: Kendall, you don't know where I go -- my midnight rides, what I do.
Kendall: I know that you would never hurt Greenlee or any child.
Ryan: Growing up in that house was a war, Kendall, and you know nothing about it.
Kendall: Yes, but I know that you would never hurt any woman or any child. I mean, Ryan, don't be silly. That's ridiculous.
Ryan: Oh, this is silly and ridiculous?
Kendall: Yes. Yes, just the thought of you raising a hand to any boy or girl, or any child -- I mean, come on, Ryan. Seriously, now, I think I know you better than you know yourself.
Ryan: Do you really?
Ryan: Do you know how close I am right now to breaking your jaw?
Kendall: Right now you think you could punch me. I have done things to you that would have tried the patience of a saint, but that never set you off. You never, ever hit me, not even close.
Ryan: But that's not me anymore, Kendall, and no one wants to know it, especially Greenlee.
Kendall: Well, then find her and talk it out.
Ryan: Talking. You know what that feels like? It feels like a way for people to maneuver me into a space that I don't want to be in.
Kendall: What, a therapist?
Ryan: I don't want a therapist. Greenlee wants to have kids. She'll nod, and she'll agree with everything I have to say, and then she'll play me to get what she wants. I've already been there.
Kendall: Yeah, me, too. But I still think not telling her what you're planning to do down there stinks.
Ryan: If I tell her now, she'll try to stop me. I'll tell her when it's done, and if she wants to leave me, so be it.
Greenlee: So, if you don't want my pearls of daughterly wisdom, I'm going to get home and start on that pot roast. Love you. Love you, Lily.
Lily: Dad, do you get butterflies when you look at Erica?
Jack: Yeah, sweetheart, I do -- butterflies the size of pterodactyls.
Lily: And she gets them, too, when she sees you.
Jack: Well, maybe at one time she did, but not anymore.
Lily: No, she told me she does.
Jack: Is that right?
Lily: And when you get married, you have sex. Does that mean you're not going to have sex?
Jack: Yeah, I guess it does.
Lily: And you're not going to be a stepfather to Kendall or Bianca, or a grandfather to Miranda. What's good about that?
Erica: What exactly is your problem, Zach? Afraid you've met your match?
Zach: Can I ask you something? You and Jackson -- you've been the real thing for each other for a long time. The real thing -- it's what everybody wants. Why would you throw it away now?
Erica: I would do anything for my daughter.
Zach: My guess is your pride is your stumbling block. Don't screw this up.
Erica: Oh -- romantic advice from Zach Slater.
Zach: You know, I'm wrong about a lot of things, but I listen well -- try to. And your kids -- they're pulling for you and Montgomery.
Erica: Unlike Maria’s kids, who wish you'd fall off the face of the earth.
Erica: But Maria is really what's behind your scheme, isn't she? I mean, you're so lucky in cards but so unlucky in love. So a sham of a marriage is better than no marriage at all?
Zach: Why don't you go. Go to Jackson and be grateful that neither one of you has to step over a dead body to get to the person that you care about.
Sam: Uncle Bobby, my old man. He just blew me off?
Maria: No, no, no, no. Honey, no, he -- when you were born, he was only a couple of years older than you are right now.
Sam: Whoa. You're not my --
Anita: No. No, you were conceived before Bobby and I ever met.
Maria: Here, honey, let's sit down. Your mother is Kelsey Jefferson, and they were teenagers when they met, and they got pregnant, and they just were not ready to be parents.
Anita: And Bobby still isn't, but thank God that Edmund and Maria were. And Bobby was beyond happy that they adopted you.
Sam: Or just relieved he got off the hook.
Anita: It wasn't because he didn't love you. He was just too selfish and immature to be a decent dad. And Maria and Edmund gave you everything that you ever needed.
Sam: Maybe when my dad was alive. Wonder what "Uncle" Bobby would think of my perfect parents now -- Dad gone and Mom hooked up with Zach Slater in ways I don't even want to think about.
Henry: "Thaddeus Martin. Never did a more lovable rogue inhabit Pine Valley. You've left a string of broken hearts in the wake of your boyish charm, including my stepdaughter's, Hillary. But you've been a staunch support to my beloved Brooke and a wonderful father to my great-nephew Jamie. These years without Dixie have been difficult and restless. Know she's looking down on you, as I am, charmed as ever and ready to rap your knuckles if you step out of line. And should you go looking for love again, try not to be such a blooming cad."
Tad: That's definitely Phoebe.
Henry: "Brooke, my dear, since the day you rode into my life on that motorcycle, there's never been a dull moment between us. And that's exactly how I liked it. You filled my life with more laughter than tears, and I'm grateful for every fight, every embrace. In the face of tragic losses, you've showed a spirit that's inspired me. I've never questioned your ability to rise up and carry on, which is what you must do now that I've pulled up a cloud and am beating the shroud off Langley at bridge. Please help yourself to any sentimental pieces of my jewelry or whatever will keep me alive in your heart. Since you took that nasty Adam Chandler to the cleaners in your divorce settlement, I know your financial future is secure. All you need now is love, my darling. Jamie, it's true life's been testing you. You've failed some of them but passed others of great significance. You're a young man with a large and generous heart. It's my will to reward that by doing something for you. But first you must pass your most challenging test yet, and I believe your brother, J.R., will approve."
Erica: Just so there's no mistake, you will not marry my daughter.
Zach: I'll wait to hear that from Kendall.
Erica: I'll make sure you do. I'll make damn sure that nothing you want in this world ever happens.
Zach: That's a dangerous thing to say to me.
Erica: I'm a dangerous woman. You're about to find that out.
Zach: Take care.
Kendall: If you have this operation, when you do tell Greenlee, there will be hell to pay.
Ryan: Which is why I'm taking the baby option off the table -- so we have nothing left to fight about.
Kendall: Ryan, she's going to hate you for taking away her choice.
Ryan: Her hate I can handle. It's mine that scares me. Kendall, Greenlee knows this is a deal breaker. She knows if we're going to spend the rest of our lives together, that this is the only way, our only chance to be happy. She knows that. Look, I want to love her forever, but I can't fight this fight forever. It's got to stop now, or the future that we want is as dead as my brothers. So I'm asking you, Kendall, please -- please help me with this. Please.
Lily: In my Life Skills class, we learned that if you hurt someone's feelings, you can say that you're sorry to them if you still want to be their friend.
Jack: That's very true, but this is just a little more complicated than that.
Lily: But that's what you told me, too.
Jack: Yeah, yeah. I know I did, honey, but like I said, it's --
Lily: Well, then why don't you go find Erica and tell her that you're sorry, and she can say she's sorry back to you, and you can get married?
Jack: I wish it was that simple, but it just isn't.
Lily: Why not? Why is everyone telling me it is? I know what you have to do. Why don't you?
Sam: What about my mother?
Maria: Kelsey? Kelsey is a Martin. That means she is Joe's granddaughter, and that makes you his great-grandson.
Anita: Oh, and Tad Martin is your great-uncle.
Sam: Cool. So you're not my only family.
Maria: I'm the only family that counts, at least until you're 18, you know, let's -- let's continue talking about this with the counselor. She's going to be here any minute. Will you run upstairs and get Maddie for me, please?
Sam: No problem.
Anita: And I'll go make some coffee.
Maria: I'll help you.
Henry: Ahem. Mrs. Wallingford continues -- "This may surprise most of you, my dears, some no pleasantly. I hereby leave the bulk of my estate, with the exception of an endowment to the Daughters of Fine Lineage, to you, Jamie, so you may fulfill your dream of going to medical school and becoming a doctor."
Babe: You want to be a doctor?
Brooke: Since when? You never said a word.
Tad: Your grandfather is going to be thrilled.
Jamie: I talked about it with Aunt Phoebe, obviously. I wanted the doctor thing for a long time. I just never said anything. I didn't see it happening.
Tad: What are you talking about? Between your Grandpa Joe and your Uncle Jake and your Uncle Jeff, you've got the MD gene in triplicate.
J.R.: Please. You want to let Jamie go near sick people? He can't even fix a motorcycle.
Babe: Nice, J.R.
J.R.: What the hell am I doing anyway -- watching my loser brother inherit a pile? I'm out.
Henry: Mr. Chandler, we're not finished. Mrs. Wallingford has something in here for you, too.
[Someone wearing black gloves knocks on the door of Kendall’s condo.]
Erica: Who is it? Hello? Is anybody there?
[A black-clad man wearing a ski mask comes up behind Erica, throws a large cloth over her, hauls her onto his shoulder, and carries her off.]
Maria: Dorothy, I really appreciate you coming over last-minute and everything. This is my sister, Anita.
Maria: My daughter, Maddie, and Sam -- where's Sam?
Anita: He wasn't upstairs.
Maria: You're kidding me.
Sam? Samuel Grey!
Maddie: He ran away again, and he left me behind.
Maria: Oh, my God! Where did he go this time?
Henry: Mrs. Wallingford continues --
Henry: "Nothing gave me greater pleasure than watching you, Jamie, and you, J.R., play together as boys -- loyal, devoted, inseparable brothers. Wherever I am, I want to see you that way again. This is my will."
Tad: Excuse me just a second. My God, you're on the loose again? What's going on? We got something going on in here.
Sam: I know who I really am -- a Warner and a Martin. Tad, I can't go back to that house. I want to live with you.
Henry: "Which is why, J.R., I've asked you to this reading. I want you and Jamie to listen closely. All I leave to you, Jamie -- the money, my connections to get you into the top schools, a richer life than you ever dreamed of -- rests on one critical condition. The poison must be leeched from your life. You must have nothing more to do with that trashy, babynapping tramp Babe Carey Chandler. If you choose to defy my wishes and marry that strumpet, you forfeit all claim to my estate in perpetuity. That means forever, young man."
[Chuckling to himself, J.R. looks up and mouths the words, “Thank you.]
Kendall: I know what you want to do, Ryan, but I don't feel like helping.
Ryan: You don't have to do anything. I just thought, as close as we once were, that you would see my side.
Kendall: I think I've seen too much.
Ryan: Greenlee and I will not be able to stay together. We won't be able to make a life unless you keep this secret. Just don't tell her until I get it done.
[Greenlee walks in and stares at the scene before her.]
>> On the next "All My Children" --
Ryan (to Greenlee): I told this doctor that I couldn't risk bringing a child into this world.
Sam (to Tad): I want to live with you. We're blood. You can't say no.
J.R.: I am dying to hear Phoebe's last words for me.
Babe: Be careful what you wish for.
Kendall (to Zach): Tonight is our wedding night.
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