All My Children Transcript Thursday 4/21/05
Proofread by Gisele
J.R.: Go away.
Babe: You Chandlers sure love to slam doors on people, huh?
J.R.: You had your time with little Adam yesterday. On my watch, it says that I have six more days of Babe-free bliss.
Babe: J.R., your father almost killed our son.
Krystal: Well. I've had some surprise guests show up here, but you quite possibly take the prize.
Brooke: Oh, shoot. I left my acceptance speech at home. So, how are those ribs holding up?
Krystal: Listen, unless you have an orthopedic degree that I don't know anything about, you can just hang on to that concern.
Brooke: Oh, did I come across as overly concerned?
Krystal: Why are you here?
Brooke: I have the power to make the other cons lay off you for good. Interested?
Di: "Strawberry sheen"? You've got to be kidding me.
David: It's part of the deal.
Di: It still won't convince people that I'm Dixie Martin back from the grave.
David: Don't place your bets yet. I have more tricks up my sleeve.
Radio announcer: We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming to bring you this amazing story out of Switzerland. According to officials, the corpse of an American woman identified as Dixie Martin was found flash-frozen in a Swiss crevasse. Mrs. Martin was rushed to a nearby cryonics lab, where she is thawing peacefully. A full and complete recovery is expected.
[Tad wakes up]
Tad: "Crevasse"? That's it. No more naps for me. "Crevasse"?
Maria: Tad, do you still love your former wife?
Greenlee: Nothing like the smell of stale coffee to get a girl's juices flowing.
Ethan: You don't want it?
Greenlee: What'll it cost me?
Ethan: It's on me. It's -- it's my way of saying thank you for saving the life of the woman that I love.
Greenlee: The woman you love hates you, and I'm right there with her.
Zach: Good morning. Told you I'd be back.
Kendall: What do you want, Zach?
Zach: I want you to marry me.
Babe: It was like he had a dizzy spell or something. I don't know. He got all wobbly and disoriented. He could've dropped little Adam. It really scared me.
J.R.: But he didn't drop him, right?
Babe: But the point is, is that he could have. J.R., something is seriously wrong. You need to take him to see a doctor.
J.R.: You can go now, Babe.
Babe: No. You know what? No, I am not going anywhere until you promise me that our son won't be left with Adam.
J.R.: And what if I don't promise you?
Babe: Then I'll have to call Family Services, because I'll do whatever it takes to protect my child.
Adam: Oh, you vicious little wench. Is this your latest ploy to try to get custody away from J.R.? Telling lies about my health?
David: I don't need you to be a dead ringer for Dixie, just close enough to make people wonder.
Di: I got you wondering about me the minute you met me, and I sure wasn't done up then.
David: If dying your hair like Dixie’s is going to give people that extra push into believing, you've got to do it.
Di: Ok, I don't work well with pushy people, all right, David?
David: This is what you agreed to, Di. You in or out?
Di: "Apply to dry hair."
David: I'm late for community service at the hospital, but I'll be back soon. When I return, I expect to be met by the new you. Or rather, the old Dixie.
Brooke: I just made an offer that you shouldn't refuse, so why haven't you jumped on it?
Krystal: Well, I'm trying to figure out your angle. Why this sudden interest in prison reform?
Brooke: Any guesses?
Krystal: "Tempo" story? "Rehabilitation or Retribution: The ugly truth about life behind bars."
Brooke: So you suggested it to Tad?
Krystal: No, I did not. Why? What did he do?
Brooke: Well, he wants an exposé -- to put pressure on the warden so that you can serve out your sentence without losing your teeth.
Krystal: I never asked him to do any such thing, Brooke.
Brooke: Well, I told him I was not interested in it at all. Why the change of heart?
Krystal: Yeah, I – I know this isn't some charity thing for you. You can't stomach me or my daughter.
Brooke: That's true.
Krystal: Well, then what gives?
Brooke: Would you like me to honor Tad's request?
Krystal: In exchange for --
Brooke: You promise to stay out of Tad's life for good.
Maria: I am this close to trashing my doctor's oath and wringing her little neck!
Tad: I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this has something to do with Edmund.
Maria: Edmund made her executor of his will and trustee of my kids' estate. She has let -- literally, she has managed to squeeze her way in between me and my kids. She's in charge of their finances and she us up in every single tiny corner of my business. She is everywhere.
Tad: I don't think she's trying to frustrate you. I think she's just trying to honor Edmund's last request.
Maria: See, I knew you were going to stick up for her.
Tad: Well, am I wrong?
Maria: Yes! No -- no, but -- ok, yes, Edmund hated me, and he wanted to hurt me, and so he made it so I had to answer to her. But you know what? It's unbearable, so you -- please, you've got to help me find a way around this because you said I could come to you anytime, day or night.
Tad: You can. I meant it, but, honey, with all due respect, I don't think your problem is with Brooke. It's with Edmund, and it makes sense. I mean, come on, all that anger and no way to resolve it? It has to be tough finding out that all the terrible things people said about Edmund at the end of his life were true. You know, that his feelings for you had changed.
Maria: I don't even know how to wrap my head around that. I mean, how did I let my life deteriorate to that? Look at me, Tad, and tell me who I am.
Ethan: There's no question Kendall is very angry with me right now.
Greenlee: Hello. She hates you, and all the bad coffee and stale muffins in the world won't change that.
Ethan: From what I hear, it wasn't that long ago that Ryan hated you. Look at you two now.
Greenlee: Don't even compare my marriage to your failed attempt at a relationship.
Ethan: Why? We're not so different, the two of us.
Greenlee: Oh, like hell we're not. I didn't lie to Ryan the way you lied to Kendall. I didn't swear on our love about something as serious as seeing my father kill a man.
Ethan: No, but you did lie, Greenlee. And I'm sure you did some other things you're not very proud of, because you thought you were the right woman for Ryan. And you justified your actions every step of the way.
Greenlee: I didn't have to justify anything. Ryan fell in love with me all on his own.
Ethan: You worked it, and you know it. Come on, you outmaneuvered Kendall. Yes, he fell in love with you. You ultimately won. Ryan is yours. But check your arrogance at the door, because at the core of it, you're no better than I.
Greenlee: I didn't throw my love out the window to have my father thrown in jail.
Ethan: Forget what you think about me. Try and focus on Kendall for a change.
Kendall: Are you on medication, Zach, because you must've missed a dose.
Zach: You pretended to marry my brother. You almost married my son, which makes me the only Cambias you haven't been engaged to. And I got to tell you, I feel a little left out.
Kendall: Ok, this is a reality show on steroids.
Zach: Hell of a grand prize, huh?
Kendall: What do you really want?
Zach: I wouldn't waste your time or mine if I weren't serious.
Kendall: All right, well, then you're certifiable.
Zach: Why? Because you didn't see it coming?
Kendall: No, maybe because I don't like you. I sure as hell don't love you. You know what? I'll go one better -- I think I hate you.
Zach: Ok. But if you marry me, you'll do it for love.
Greenlee: How is a self-indulgent, nouveau riche guy with major issues the best thing for Kendall? Oh, right -- every woman wants a man who's so hellbent on punishing Daddy she comes second best. "Look -- there's a guy willing to swear to all kinds of lies on his love for me. Let me grab him now."
Ethan: Kendall knows that I'm more than that, much more. She made me more. If it wasn't for my father --
Greenlee: Would you get your head out of the sand, Ethan? People with parents a lot cruddier than yours have gone on to lead normal, productive lives. My parents rejected me the first time my governess unveiled me at cocktail hour show-and-tell.
Ethan: If you intend to convince me that you've gone on to lead a normal and productive life, I might have to regurgitate that piece of muffin you just gave me right here on the spot.
Greenlee: I never said I was normal, but at least I have more in my heart than revenge. You had it all, Ethan -- smarts, bottomless bank account, movie-star good looks -- that whole Hugh Grant thing going on -- and love. You blew it all to bits. To crash and burn like that, it takes some supreme skill. I don't know whether to applaud or pity you.
Ethan: How much do you hate Kendall?
Greenlee: Scale from 1 to 10? 3.5. We have a past. I have a memory.
Ethan: Well, then you should hate her a lot more than that.
Greenlee: Shows what you know.
Ethan: Look -- ahem -- I think you're right about one thing, which is that Kendall is the best thing that ever happened to me. And I believe that I'm the best thing that ever happened to her. We've hit a little bump in the road, but we can get through this, if our friends stop trying to make it worse.
Greenlee: If by "our friends" you mean me, let me be real clear. I'm not your friend. And if by "not making it worse" you mean "make it better," as in me going to Kendall and plead your case, you're out of luck, "friend."
Ethan: I understand that you want to see me suffer, but where does that leave Kendall?
Zach: You want a cup of this?
Kendall: Of my own coffee? Sure, go right ahead. What else are you going to offer me? Last I heard, you had to shut down all your casinos.
Zach: I'm about to take over Cambias -- all of it -- once my father's will is overturned.
Kendall: What, and your little wife gets an allowance, her own credit card for weekend jaunts to Manhattan?
Zach: I think you know what that means. It means that everything will be taken away from Ethan. And, sadly, it also means that everything will be taken away from your sister and Miranda. It's "collateral damage," they call it.
Kendall: "Sleazy pig" is what I call it.
Zach: Hold on a second. What I said to you is if we get married, it'll be for love.
Kendall: Ok, you know what? I am this close to calling the cops.
Zach: Not love for me. Love for your sister.
Kendall: I am so lost here.
Zach: Ahem. What I'm offering you is for Bianca and Miranda to hold on to what's rightfully theirs, because if you marry me, half of everything I own is yours, and you can restore to them whatever you want, while I restructure my son.
Kendall: You are a sleazy, devious rodent.
Zach: I admit there's a possibility that I'm not a very nice person. But this being a business proposition, I do need an answer. Will you do me the honor of becoming Mrs. Zach Slater?
Adam: Perhaps Babe is a little more malicious than we assumed. It takes a deeply twisted mind to come up with an imaginary ailment to try to discredit our family. That's about as dirty as it gets.
Babe: I know that you had an episode, and I don't know what it was or what it was from. But you know it and I know it, and the fact that you're sitting here denying it -- it scares me even more because it means you don't care about little Adam's safety.
Mrs. Beltran: We're headed for the park now, Mr. Chandler.
Babe: And where is the park? Antarctica?
Mrs. Beltran: Excuse me, Miss Carey. I spend a great deal more time with your son than you do. I think I'm a better judge of what he needs, hmm?
Babe: I may not pay your salary, and I may only see that boy once a week, but I'm his mama. And I know what he's needed since the day he was born, so you're fired.
Mrs. Beltran: I get my orders from Mr. Chandler.
Adam: Strike two, Babe. Want to try for three?
Mrs. Beltran: You've seen my résumé, Mr. Chandler. 20-plus years' experience, I ran a daycare center, and I have five grown children of my own. Clearly, I know more about parenting than a woman who dropped her child in a cabin, then misplaced him, then stole him.
Babe: You're a stuck-up little snob, aren't you?
Adam: Mrs. Beltran makes a good point. So, you want me to give her the boot, or do you want to do the honors?
J.R.: I can handle this. Pack it in, Mrs. Beltran. Your services here are no longer required.
Brooke: I'm making you a deal. You let Tad go, you set him free 100%, and I will bring the spotlight down so strong on this place that nobody will touch a hair on your head -- unless, of course, you want it blonder.
Krystal: Look, Brooke, I know you don't owe me any explanations, but I have this little, bitty problem. See, I'm real nosy, so I'm going to ask you one more time -- what do you get out of this?
Brooke: Tad and I share a son. Now, I don't know how that works as far as you and David are concerned, but as far as we are concerned, it means something to us.
Krystal: Careful, careful, now, because your son is getting ready to marry into this dysfunctional clan real soon.
Brooke: Not that soon. Anyway, I don't think you're going to understand this particularly, because I don't think you care that much about what happens to David, but I want what is best for Tad.
Krystal: And I'm not it?
Brooke: You're in prison, Krystal, and he worries about you in here like crazy. And if he keeps up at this rate, he's going to be committed by the time you're paroled.
Krystal: And you think that's what I really want?
Brooke: You have the power to stop it. You just think about what's best for Tad here, and then you let me know what it's going to be -- blanket party of the month, or cover girl for my exposé on America’s failing wardens.
Tad: Who are you? Well, it's just my opinion, but when I look at you, I see a very kindhearted, incredibly generous and incredibly talented woman who just happens to be a lot of fun to look at.
Maria: Can I borrow your eyes?
Tad: No. They kind of come in handy. But I'm sure if you look in the mirror long enough, you'll see the same thing.
Maria: Well, I wish I knew how to do that. If I could, I would bottle it and make millions.
Tad: Maria, nobody's denying that you've been through the wringer -- more than once. The fact is with Brooke or without her, you can still have a fabulous life if you want it.
Maria: Right, because I've made such stellar choices. I just -- I don't even know who I am anymore, Tad.
Tad: Well, then don't spend so much time looking over your shoulder. Somebody just gave me the same advice. At times like this, the best you can do is just focus on the road ahead.
Maria: See, I'd like to, but I can't even see the road. I feel like, you know, I -- I really can't wrap my mind around how Edmund felt about me at the end of his life and what must've been going through his head. And, you know, then there's the kids who look at me like I'm the wicked witch ready to bake them in an oven or something. I feel like I'm having an out-of-body experience, not even my body. I -- you know what I feel like? I feel like all those years ago when I woke up with no memory and no identity.
Tad: When you're this stressed out, please try to go easy on yourself.
Maria: No, no, no, no. This really -- I know this feeling. I know this. This feels exactly like Maureen lost in the desert.
Tad: Well, maybe that's part of your problem. The guilt. Because if you feel like Maureen, are you still in love like Maureen?
Zach: Did I offend you in some way?
Kendall: Other than the fact that you're stripping my sister and her daughter of what's rightfully theirs? No, no, of course not.
Zach: You could give it all back to them. I need you to remember something. I need you to remember what it felt like when Ryan snatched Cambias away from you and gave it to Greenlee. It must've hurt.
Kendall: I'm over that.
Zach: Not completely.
Kendall: Well, how the hell would you know?
Zach: I can see it in your eyes. What we have here is a chance for you to be back on top. Everybody loves a winner, Kendall. Everybody.
Greenlee: Kendall's history -- which sucks, Ethan, for you. But if you ask me, she's better off.
Ethan: You're as bad as Erica. You don't give a damn about Kendall’s happiness. You just want to be right.
Greenlee: I would've given anything to be wrong about you. Anything. Because if I were wrong about you, Zach would've killed Edmund, not my husband's brother. If I were wrong about you, my husband wouldn't be in this hospital, a complete wreck down the hall! I would love to be wrong. But unfortunately, I'm right, which means that Kendall made the mistake of her life falling for you.
Kendall: I'm not interested, Zach. Marriage for business sucks.
Zach: You say that, but Ryan and Greenlee's fairy-tale romance started as a business proposition.
Kendall: Ok, first of all, you're not Ryan, and don't compare me to Greenlee.
Zach: I'm just pointing out that it's possible, that's all.
Kendall: Come clean already, Zach. This isn't about Miranda’s share of Cambias, this is about you sticking it to your son.
Ethan: Kendall and I understand each other in ways that you don't want to see. We're cut from the same cloth. We have so many things in common.
Greenlee: Lying, conniving, manipulating -- yes, you do have lots in common. The difference is Kendall was willing to include you in all her schemes. You made the mistake of cutting her out of the loop in yours.
Ethan: You will not convince me to stop going after her.
Greenlee: Ok. Let's say you're right, and I'm wrong, and you do want Kendall back. Riddle me this, Batman -- the next time you want to shaft Daddy, what happens to Kendall then?
Zach: Ah, you got me. It probably is the ultimate way to stick it to Ethan. I didn't think I had to spell that out for you. Isn't that the biggest attraction? Can you think of a better way of getting even with a man for hurting you that badly?
J.R.: I don't want to see your face around here ever again.
Babe: J.R., maybe there's hope. I didn't ever really think it could happen, but --
J.R.: Please, don't thank me. It's not like we're suddenly on the same side.
Adam: Then why did you do it?
J.R.: It just so happens Babe was right, for once. That nanny's been giving me attitude ever since I hired her. She's questioned me on feeding times, bathing times. She had to go!
Babe: Ok. So that's one down.
Adam: What the hell is that supposed to mean?
Babe: It means that you're next. If I could get J.R. to fire you, I would. You're in no condition to care for my son. And, J.R., I need to know that you're behind me on this. This should bother you. I mean, your -- your dad -- he could die. I mean, please tell me you at least care about that.
J.R.: What about it, Dad? Are you planning on departing this earth anytime soon?
Adam: I'm standing right here, the picture of health. And I certainly expect to be here for quite some time.
Babe: You hope, but what happens if you have another one of those episodes, or whatever it was?
Adam: It was nothing.
Babe: J.R., you may not care about this right now, but think about it. What if he has another one of those things when he's alone with little Adam?
J.R.: Babe, get the hell out of here.
Babe: Don't cuss in front of our son. I love you, little A. Love you. And I know you don't want to think about this, but please do. I'm not wrong.
Adam: What is the matter with her? Watch "The Godfather" recently?
Tad: Come on. Did you ever stop to think that there's a lot of Maureen left in you, and there's nothing wrong with that? I mean, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You spent years of your life as somebody else. That's got to have an effect on you. I mean, believe me, I know.
Maria: But I don't know -- I really don't know who I am or what I think anymore. I don't -- I don't even know why I did half the things that I did in this last year, and I don't know what I'm going to do now, because I don't have any answers.
Tad: So stop killing yourself trying to look for them. Just live.
Maria: That scares the hell out of me, too.
Maria: Because what if just living includes Zach? I can't walk across my husband's dead body to get to him. My kids and -- you know, I truly, deeply hate myself, hate the majority of what I've done in the last 12 months.
Tad: Me, too. I -- I was talking about me. You could boil down the last year of my life and use it for poison.
Maria: Yeah, both of our families have taken some pretty good hits.
Tad: And the hit parade just keeps coming.
Maria: My whole life just seemed just out of my reach, like the more I tried to grab it, the quicker it just slipped through my fingers.
Tad: I'll raise you. I used to think I did have a handle on it. I mean, I had a family, I had Dixie.
Maria: Does it ever turn around?
Tad: God only knows.
Kendall: Ok, I can think of other ways to get back at your son without messing up my entire life.
Zach: That's too bad. I need you more than you need me.
Kendall: Ok, all right, back up, sailor. We're talking about marriage for mutual -- mutual profit, not your own satisfaction. I don't do sex for money, I do it because I like it.
Zach: I never paid for sex in my life. I'm not going to start now. I think you're a very, very attractive woman. But I don't think you'd make a good call girl.
Kendall: Ok, I'll take that as a compliment, I think.
Zach: No, you should. Ahem. I respect you a great deal, and that's why I need your help.
Kendall: All right, ok. So -- so we've now gone from chivalry to revenge to an SOS. Ok, you're definitely covering every aspect here. I'll give you that. So tell me, what can I do to help you?
Zach: My casinos --
Zach: My son had them shut down. I need someone to help me reopen them, someone to take over my gambling licenses.
Kendall: Ok, and that person that you trust to do all of this is me?
Zach: Can always trust my wife.
Kendall: Ok, see, the more you go on here, the more I'm convinced I should call the men with the nets.
Zach: I have to be hands-off, but you could cover my losses in a month.
Kendall: No, Zach, running Fusion and running casinos -- it's not exactly the same thing.
Zach: Not that different, either. It all boils down to the same thing and that's sales, something you were born with. Besides, there's something about your face that gamblers will like.
Kendall: Oh, my God. You -- you are totally serious. You really want me to be your wife.
Ethan: I love Kendall, and I hate my father. But one has nothing to do with the other.
Greenlee: Oh, until Daddy ticks you off again. Then it's, "Kendall? Who cares?"
Ethan: It's very easy to be you right now, Greenlee, because things have finally worked out very nicely. But trust me, something will come on to your horizon, something that seems insurmountable. And you will need help -- my help. And I hope that I will be there for you. I hope that Kendall and I both will.
Greenlee: Trust me, Ethan, there are plenty of people that I could turn to you before I turn to you.
Ethan: You don't have that many friends. You can't afford to blow one off, especially not one as powerful as me.
Babe: You engineered this, didn't you? I get yanked off my highway litter clean-up crew, and then somehow I end up on your hospital clean-up crew.
David: All right, shoot me. I wanted to spend time with my daughter, even if she does hate me. Come on, what's the deal? You can't miss picking up soda cans that much.
Babe: Don't ask.
David: If you say so.
Babe: J.R. and I -- we fired little Adam's nanny today. And then big Adam -- he has this weird medical thingy that he won't get checked out, and he's ignoring it altogether. And then I know darned good and well that he shouldn't be holding my son, let alone taking care of him, but J.R. is not even listening to a word I say. Although, thank God, he did listen to me and bagged that old nasty thing that was taking care of our son. You know, I just pray that the next person that comes in there will be good for our boy.
David: Boy, you sound like you had a rough day. Look, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to cut you a little break. This floor is already clean, so you can just take it easy. And I'm going to go find someplace else to work, so you can just relax, and I won't be adding to your stress. See you later, kiddo.
Brooke: This is not a joke, Krystal. I can make things a lot easier for you in here if you stay away from Tad.
Krystal: You're wasting your breath, all right? I'm not interested in your lousy bribe.
Brooke: You really think your relationship with him is in Tad's best interest?
Krystal: Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah. And I also think the Queen is ecstatic about Charles and Camilla's wedding. No, all right? No, I do not think that hanging on to Tad is a good idea, all right? That's why I told him that it's over.
Brooke: You did?
Krystal: Yeah, I did, a long time ago. Ok? It's over, it's done, it's finis, all right? What more do I have to do, take out a hit on the guy?
Brooke: Well, if you really did it, well done. As long as you're not up to something else.
Krystal: All right, wait, wait just a minute there. Now, you hate my guts, because I tried to stage-manage other people's lives?
Brooke: That's a big part of it, yeah.
Krystal: Isn't that exactly what you're doing right now?
Tad: The first thing you got to stop doing is blaming yourself for everything. I mean, Edmund, Zach, the kids. Have they got you believing that you're responsible for every bad thing that's ever happened to them?
Maria: Yeah, but in Zach’s case, it would be right. I was just as unfair to him as I was to Edmund.
Tad: Oh, yeah, and Zach was a complete innocent. He's been playing you from the moment he set foot in Pine Valley. I mean, let's not forget, he came on to you. And any idiot could see how frazzled you were, how badly you needed an escape. So what does he do? He starts piling on all these memories about some romance in a time gone by when you didn't have a care in the world because you couldn't figure out who the hell you were.
Maria: I'm beginning to think I'm meant to be alone.
Tad: If that happens, I've got a feeling it'll be your choice. But if it means life without Zach Slater, maybe that's not a bad thing because, Lord knows, that man is a major dose of dangerous.
Maria: Oh, come on. He may not be a saint, but he's not really a health hazard.
Tad: How can you tell? Personally, I don't believe half of the things that come out of his mouth. I don't have a clue about the other half, and, you know, not to mention the half that just fails to mention anything.
Maria: Yeah, that's a lot of halves.
Tad: Too many, yeah.
Maria: Ok, so I'm not only a bad judge of character, but that would mean that I really am possibly destined to be alone.
Tad: Cold as it sounds, it's possible to have a great life without a great romance in it. I know. I've been doing it for years.
Maria: What's the secret?
Tad: You take all that extra energy, and you love your family. And day by day, you try to ignore the romance dream machine.
Maria: That really works?
Tad: I'll let you know.
Kendall: Ok, so what will Maria say about her Zachy-poo taking on a wife?
Zach: Don't do that.
Kendall: I have to. Any potential Mrs. Zach Slater has to watch her back for any knives that might be hurled by the good doctor.
Zach: Let's get this straight. Whether or not you accept my offer, do not discuss Maria -- not now, not ever. Understood?
Kendall: All right, ok. Jeez. You know, I'm still not convinced that you're not just messing with my head.
Zach: You have it in writing. Look it over, have your lawyers look it over. Nothing to hide. But every day my casino is closed is a day I lose a lot of money, and half of that money is potentially yours, Mrs. Slater.
Kendall: Was that a little twinkle in your eye there?
Zach: Can you imagine what your mother would say?
Kendall: Yeah, that -- I have to say, that alone would be worth the price of a "yes." But you don't really think that I'm going to say yes, do you? Look, Zach --
Zach: Don't answer now. You think about it. Don't take too long.
[Grabbing her coat and purse, Kendall follows Zach out the door.]
[Unsteady on his feet, Adam looks unwell as he rubs the side of his head.]
J.R.: Is everything all right, Dad?
Adam: I'm fine.
J.R.: You don't look fine just now.
Adam: What do you care?
J.R.: I do. And you're not ok.
[Di looks stunningly like Dixie in her new strawberry-blonde hair.]
David: My God.
David: Seeing you just now -- it took my breath away.
Di: It looks good? Right, I mean?
David: It looks better than right. It's amazing, perfect, and just in .
Di: What's going on?
David: We're ready to go, Dixie. Right now.
Maria: You're a really good friend, because you've been listening to my whining all morning.
Tad: Firstly, it wasn't whining. You got a lot on your plate. You needed to talk to somebody about it. Secondly, my door is always open.
Tad: I hope our little talk saved Brooke's scrawny neck.
Maria: Ah -- yeah, I won't take her out.
Tad: That's my girl.
Tad: Excuse me. Tad Martin.
Dr. Cautele: Mr. Martin, this is Dr. Cautele from Switzerland. We spoke the other day.
Tad: Of course, yes. Did you find anything out?
Dr. Cautele: Yes. A Jane Doe was brought into a rural doctor's office in the same valley where your wife's car went off the road. This was six days after her accident.
Tad: My God.
[Kendall listens in from the doorway.]
Greenlee: So now you're threatening me?
Ethan: No, I said you shouldn't burn bridges. I understand Kendall and I aren't exactly your best friends. But beggars can't be choosers. We've proven ourselves to be very helpful to you in the past. Why wouldn't you want to preserve that relationship?
Greenlee: I may hate Kendall 3.5, but even if I hated her 9.5, I wouldn't be cruel enough to send her back to you.
Ethan: You hate me that much?
Greenlee: 99.5. What you did was unforgivable. You deserve to be alone.
Ethan: Be careful, Greenlee. Luck has a way of running out. You have certainly overfilled your quota of late. I'd be worried.
Kendall: And I'd behave if I were you, Ethan. Otherwise, I'll accept your daddy's proposal and wind up as your stepmother.
>> On the next "All My Children" --
J.R.: All right, that's it. I'm calling 911.
Adam: Stop pretending you want to help me!
Tad (to Maria): I smell a rat. That was a set-up.
Zach (to Ethan): Will you be my best man?
Kendall (to Greenlee): Don't look now, but the old Kendall is back in fighting form.
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