All My Children Transcript Thursday 4/7/05
Proofread by Gisele
J.R.: You know what,
Joe? You should probably
make the calls yourself to the security and the cops,
David: Don't believe any of this garbage, Joe.
Joe: Don't give me orders.
Babe: Because my dad didn't even steal those drugs.
J.R.: Well, technically, it was a stolen key, so it still is stealing, Babe. You know what? Yeah, get security down to ER, STAT.
Joe: Slow down, slow down. You're not on the hospital board yet, son.
J.R.: I'm just doing my civic duty.
David: You set me up, you smug little dirtbag.
J.R.: You set yourself up again! But you know what? The bright side of things -- you can blow kisses to Krystal from across the prison exercise yard.
Babe: J.R., you call this off right this minute!
J.R.: Sorry, cheese puff, I can't do that. Hey, here's your thief. Arrest him.
Guard: Can I get you anything, Miss Kane? Coffee or soda? The vending machine's got killer burritos.
Erica: Thank you. No, no, that's very kind of you, but I'm fine.
Guard: Ok. Well, you holler if you change your mind, all right?
Erica: Thank you. Ok. Well, they've changed the color scheme since I was a guest here -- much more family friendly. And speaking of family, it seems that your daughter, Babe, knows where Adam's daughter Colby is. Adam would like that address. So, before I leave here today, you're going to get that for me, because today is all about family.
Maria: Maddie, honey, nobody is going anywhere. I'm not leaving this house, and the two of you are not going anywhere, either.
Maddie: Dad's will says we can kick you out. He left this house to me and Sam. He didn't want you here. You're her lawyer. Tell her to pack her junk and leave.
Sam: It's true, isn't it?
Brooke: Nobody is kicking Maria out of this house.
Maria: Excuse me, Brooke, I really don't need you to handle my kids for me.
Brooke: Yes, Maria, I'm afraid you do.
Ethan: Simone, have you seen
Simone: No, it's not my turn to watch her.
Ethan: She didn't come home last night.
Simone: Really? What, did you guys, you know, get into a fight about anything?
Ethan: Not even close. Why?
Simone: Oh, you know, it's just sometimes when your lover doesn't come home, it's because, you know, she's upset about something. I guess my girlfriendly advice didn't change her mind.
Ethan: Simone, will you care to elaborate?
Simone: Me? No. No. I'm actually clueless. I'm like an airhead with a capital A.
Simone: Look, you know what? I have got my hands full with this body fragrance media blitz -- excuse me -- and you are my employer, right? Yeah, last time I checked. And you know what? Personal matters should really be left at home.
Ethan: Ok, no, no, Simone, listen, ok?
Stop it. Tell me now. What do you know about
Lily: How can Jonathan kill us? He killed the man who got out of the wheelchair with a shovel. There's no shovel in here.
Lily: It's rude to say "shut up."
Lily: He is a liar, and that is not a lie.
Lily: That is a lie.
Jonathan: Shut up, Lily.
Greenlee: No, no -- hey, Jonathan? Put the gun down and just -- let's have a time-out, ok? Lily, Ryan has two brothers. You saw the other brother kill Edmund, not Jonathan.
Lily: No, Greenlee. He's the Ryan's brother I saw kill Edmund Grey with a shovel.
Greenlee: Shh. If you don't be quiet, you're going to get us all killed, and that is not a lie. Lily, let's not dredge up what happened the night that Braden killed Edmund.
Greenlee: Don't help me.
Lily: You mean him. He was the brother that killed the man who got out of the wheelchair.
Greenlee: Lily, what I mean is let's stop playing the blame game and find a way for all of us to get along, all right?
Lily: I saw him. I was in the stables. He was wearing black gloves. I remember him.
Lily: He came into the stable. He plugged in and tipped over the space heater. That started the fire. He was wearing black gloves. I remember. And then he picked up a shovel, a long shovel with a wooden handle, and he hid in one of the stalls. That's when the man in the wheelchair came in. He got up out of the wheelchair and started walking to the space heater. That's when Jonathan came out. He went behind him and he hit him with the shovel in the head. And he killed him. He turned the hay wet and red.
Greenlee: But, Lily, sweetie, you said you saw Braden do it, not Jonathan. Jonathan is our friend.
Lily: No, I saw him. I was in the stables. He was wearing black gloves. I remember.
Greenlee: You told our dad that you saw Braden in my penthouse.
Lily: I said I saw the man with the shovel --
Greenlee: Braden is the bad one. He's making Jonathan do all these scary things because Jonathan is Ryan's good brother, the smart one. Right, Jonathan?
Jonathan: Score one for the moron. She's absolutely right.
Simone: You better back off, all right? You've just entered the every-gal-for-herself zone. And when I get within a whisper of a drop-dead gorgeous guy -- especially a lethal Orlando Bloom/Jude Law cocktail -- I lose all respect for boundaries.
Ethan: The topic is
Ethan: Ok, now, listen, you said that she didn't change her mind about something.
Simone: Drugs, ok? There.
Simone: Yeah, she said it.
Ethan: No, what are you talking about?
Ethan: Huh? I mean, prescription drugs? Illegal drugs? What kind of drugs? What kind of drugs?
Simone: The homemade, non-FDA approved, ok? Look, I know you're trying to be all masterful with squeezing the truth out of me, but I have to tell you it was just really a ginormous turn-on.
Ethan: Oh --
Simone: You smell so good, so earthy.
Ethan: Look, stop it. Simone, will you
just please concentrate? If you -- you know what? -- Focus with me for two
minutes, I will set you up with Prince William. If you just tell me what is
going on with
Ethan: Yeah, really.
Simone: I -- I suggested she give you truth serum. Ok, I got to go to lunch. I'll be back in an hour.
Ethan: No, no, hold on one second. Truth serum?
Ethan: What, like sodium pentothal or something?
Simone: I don't
know the recipe. It's the same stuff we gave Jonathan
to see if we could get the truth out of him about poisoning Greenlee. Oh, I just
Ethan: Damn them. Damn all of them. Erica, Zach, Greenlee -- they finally found a way -- they finally found a way to wear her down.
Simone: So were they right? Did you actually see your father kill Edmund Grey?
Maria: I need some water.
Brooke: Kids, let's get one thing straight, ok? I am the executor of your father's will. Maria is your mother, your legal guardian, and she will continue to raise you and to love you. Nothing in your father's will changes that, or ever could.
Sam: Dad wanted you in charge, Brooke.
Brooke: I'm sure as his friend and as his business partner, but not as a replacement for your mother.
Maria: I had no idea about this will or the terms of this will, and I get that this is a judgment on me. I get that, but this is not my Edmund. This is not the Edmund that I knew.
Livia: You know what? We can hash this will out on another day. Just take a deep breath, and let's see if Brooke could use some help with your kids.
Brooke: This is not a battle. It's not about who did what to whom or who's right or who's wrong. Your mom and dad hit a rough patch in their marriage, and it happens. And they might've gotten over it, we'll never know, but it will not help if you only hang on to anger. Because rage and resentment does nothing except rip families and friends apart. And if you let it take over, it's not pretty.
Joe: I'm no fan
Babe: Way to go, Dr. Joe.
J.R.: Come on, he's up to his ankles in pills. It's a no-brainer.
Joe: Mm-hmm. Yes, exactly. David has done some mighty bad things in the past, but all of them had been meticulously planned and executed, nothing like so clumsy and obvious as this.
David: Any first-year med student could have wiped out that cabinet with more finesse, and gotten past the lax security in this place.
Joe: Mm-hmm. Why, thank you, David.
Anita: Let's have it, J.R.
Joe: Now, shut up.
J.R.: Anita, what's the matter? You ok? Need some more TLC?
Anita: Cough it up -- the key to the drug cabinet that you stole from me?
Babe: Who's busted now, cheese puff?
Krystal: I know the stunt that David tried to pull -- cutting a deal with Adam to sell out Liza and Colby.
Erica: So that your daughter could spend more time with her son?
Krystal: Babe nixed the idea, and so did I. It's wrong, from every angle.
Erica: Oh, on the other hand, this was David's first baby step towards his own salvation.
Krystal: Would you care to slow down and run that by me again?
Erica: David kept my daughter away from her daughter. Liza is keeping Adam's daughter away from Adam. Had David come through and outed Liza, he could have used that as credit towards erasing his own sins.
Krystal: Sort of like a spiritual savings account, huh?
Erica: But unfortunately, David blew off his chance for salvation. Not too late for you, Krystal. Krystal, can you appreciate how an appearance by me in front of the parole board would benefit you? I was a model prisoner here. They retired my cell. They put up a gold plaque -- "Erica Kane slept here." So a few words from me, and you could get sprung from here faster than a cheetah on caffeine. I mean, that is, if you want to be saved. Care to join my religion?
Krystal: Praise the Lord and get me past the parole board? Amen to that.
Anita: You came on before all soft shoulder and sympathy. So not you, I should have smelled it. And then I go to the drug cabinet, and guess what -- no key. Light bulb -- those comforting arms while you were reaching over and stealing my key.
J.R.: Oh, no, no, no. See, that's one hell of a stretch there, from consoling friend to pickpocket?
David: Any apologies before I get back to my sparkle-and-shine?
J.R.: Yeah, this is total BS.
Joe: Yes, yes, I think it is. J.R., let's adjourn to cubicle 2. I think you and I have a long-overdue grandfather-grandson chat.
J.R.: All right, you know what? Save me the lesson. I'm not Junior, the 10-year-old who stole a candy bar from the Sugar Shack.
Joe: You're not. Well, the man I saw out there, a man who tried to falsely accuse Hayward and have him imprisoned -- that's the same kid whose sweet tooth got him in such trouble before.
J.R.: You want a kid to scold? Go find your real grandson, Jamie.
Joe: You want a man-to-man talk? First of all, you got to be a man, not a machine. Your emotions are so out of control, you're becoming the very thing that you despise, no better than the fellow you tried to set up out there.
J.R.: Don't you have grants to apply for or rounds to make?
Joe: You do realize I can have you arrested on a class-A felony -- theft of a controlled substance?
J.R.: Can't prove anything. All you have is Anita's random accusation. And she's so wound up with grief she doesn't even know what she's saying.
Joe: Look, J.R., listen to me. No matter which father you're siding with now, I still love you like a grandson. I know you. You got so much to offer. You're bright, you're focused, you're creative. You're blowing it all, though. And if you don't stop yourself, you're going to screw things up so badly you're going to lose what matters most to you in the whole world. I mean, you really want little Adam to remember his father only as the man who got sent up because he was obsessed with revenge?
Jonathan: Lily's right. I did exactly what she said I did. I killed Edmund Grey.
Lily: I know, and I'm not a moron. I have Autism Spectrum Disorder.
Jonathan: I know, ok -- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you. I --
Lily: You should believe me next time I tell you I've seen something. I'm a very good witness, and I have a very good memory.
Jonathan: Don't worry about Lily. I'll tell the rest of the story from here.
Jonathan: Why would I confess to a crime I
Greenlee: Wrong person to ask.
Jonathan: Braden ordered me to kill Edmund. He ordered me to kill Edmund because Edmund could identify him as Ryan's shooter at the murder game. I had to do it!
Greenlee: Yo, ease up, ease up, ok? Let him confess if he wants.
Jonathan: If I'm completely crazy, I'm not going to be held accountable for my actions.
Greenlee: Forget about your love life right now and focus our attention on our immediate personal needs?
Greenlee: Ethan is a bad-to-the-bone liar and you better just accept it and move on, because you keep this up, you -- whether you want to kiss Ethan or strangle him, you're not going to be alive to do it.
Krystal: This is one heck of a pickle you put me in.
Erica: Well, let me help you out.
Krystal: You see, Erica, I've got this new religion of my own, and in it, I don't save myself by cutting somebody else a rotten break, and that's what I'd be doing to Liza and Colby.
Erica: Well, isn't it a darn shame you didn't get this new religion a little earlier, when you kept my daughter away from her baby. However -- ok, let's look at this from another side. Babe, the light of your life, because she's taking hits from every side now. I can't make it all go away, but I can certainly make it much, much better. More time for Babe with her little Adam, special privileges for you. I can be Babe's savior, and I can be your new best friend.
Krystal: And what's in it for you? Babe and I mean less than dirt on your radar. Our misery should be cause for a bunch of parties.
Erica: Yeah, well, I work at my friendships. Adam is a friend who did me a favor. I'd like to pay him back.
Krystal: Yeah, and Liza did my baby doll a ton of favors. I'm not going to pay her back by turning over her baby doll to your good friend.
Erica: Don't you dare take that holier-than-thou tone with me. I know you, Krystal. The whole town knows you. What you did to my daughter, keeping her away from her baby just so you could help your precious baby doll -- that was despicable. So everybody who knows you and what you decided to do, that is just your going rate.
Krystal: Listen, I know more than anybody else what I did. I pulled some stinkers in my time, but I've also read your tell-alls. Please. The goofs you've made, the nasties you've pulled? Your first book should have been called "Hair-raising Kane." And excuse me, but what was the crime you were in for again, huh? Let me tell you something -- prison is hard enough. I don't need to take any crud off of you, ok? Rhonda? Rhonda, we're done here. Thank you.
Erica: Don't make any mistakes about this. Babe's life will be much, much worse without my help. And it's not going to be much of a picnic in here for you. You think about that at lights out.
Di: Hey, girl! Guess who gets sprung today.
Babe: Anita? Hey. Look, I know we're not friends, but we don't have to be for me to say this. Thank you for saving my dad's bacon.
Anita: Babe, I hate what you and your family did to Bianca. But the truth is the truth, and I would have told it no matter who it cleared. My idea of a perfect day -- no you or your father.
David: No one does sanctimonious like a
Babe: She's allowed.
David: Babe, you just witnessed firsthand how desperate J.R. is to destroy us. Now do you understand why I cut that deal with Adam -- to get him to back off?
Babe: Yeah. You know what? Good job, Dad. Your behind-his-back deal has made J.R. meaner and madder than ever -- if that's even possible.
J.R.: You know, you're wrong about me, Joe, but don't feel bad because a lot of people make that mistake.
Joe: J.R., if things ever get so bad with you that you've got nowhere to turn, I hope you'll turn to me or to Tad. We hate what you're doing and your motives, but we love you.
J.R.: There's nothing like being loved despite my nasty self to give me the warm fuzzies.
David: Request permission to go back to work, sir!
Joe: Get out of my face,
Babe: J.R., I need to talk to you.
J.R.: You got three minutes, and then I have a play date with my son, followed by plans for your total destruction.
Babe: Look, what your dad and my dad did -- it was dead wrong.
J.R.: You know, listening to you is like the sound of one hand clapping.
Babe: You know, I guess it wasn't as bad. I mean, it's pretty much as bad as what you pulled on me in the Valley Inn ladies' room -- trying to bribe me to get rid of Jamie, using my son as the payoff? J.R., there has to be something that we can do here. Please, just tell me, what can I do to get you to stop hurting us?
Brooke: There are three adults here who all want the same thing, the same thing that your dad wanted -- the two of you happy. Your lives haven't stopped with Edmund's passing.
Brooke: It was a terrible tragedy. But the way that you will get through it as a family is to help each other. Maria, I'm just in the way here right now. Livia, I’ll call you soon. Sam, Maddie? Be good to your mom.
Maria: Maddie --
Sam: I'm out of here, too.
Maria: Where are you going?
Sam: I don't know -- hang out with my friends.
Maria: Don't you have a whole mess of homework assignments that are starting to pile up? Brooke English. You know, Brooke wanted Edmund right up to the very end. She did everything that she could to ruin my marriage and she's totally behind this whole will thing. I know that she's behind it, and I'm going to fight this till my last breath.
Livia: I know that Edmund's death and this will have rocked you to the ground, but you are wrong about Brooke. No, she did not do this. She did not bring this on.
Maria: Brooke's a liar.
Livia: No, actually, she told you the truth, and you just had that confirmed by Edmund's attorney. Edmund never revoked the divorce petition. Whatever proposal of reconciliation he told you about was a cover for something else. He referred to you in his will as his ex-wife. I don't know how to make it any more plain.
Maria: Yeah, I think we're done here now.
Livia: I apologize for being so blunt, but I don't see any point in keeping this lie alive.
Maria: He didn't lie to me. He did not lie to me. I can prove it.
Simone: Look, you
don't owe me anything -- besides Prince William's number.
But if you did not see Zach kill Edmund, you have to
own up to
Ethan: Simone, maybe it's better if I do this on my own.
Simone: Hey, what are you talking about? I help -- hey, I help people. It's what I do. You got to do what you do. You know, it's one of my lousy flaws, like, you know, my lousy choice in men and my tendency to always wind up in jail. Of course, and then there's my mouth.
Ethan: Ok, listen, look, I need
Simone: Right, yeah, right, but you obviously don't get her. All right, so listen to me. You can swear on the Bible or on your mother's grave, but for you to swear on your love for her and then lie -- I mean, that's the heartbreaker from hell.
Ethan: If you can help me track her down --
Simone: If I did, I -- and I don't -- I don't think I would really tell you, because it seems to me that you have so shot yourself in the foot. It only makes sense that Braden killed Edmund because of his whacked-out brother. So that makes you the guy that lied about it to the woman that you love.
Ethan: I do love her. I love her more than I've ever loved any woman.
Simone: Ok, so if -- if
that's true, then there's a secret about
Jonathan: You said I'm
Lily: He killed Edmund. He already proved he can kill if he wants to.
Greenlee: Not when he wants to, Lily, when it's necessary. When someone threatens the people you love, it's your job to protect them. Jonathan was just doing his job. He showed up for Braden and he removed the threat. Jonathan, when you were a little kid and Braden always looked after you, did you ever imagine that you'd grow up to be his hero -- and Ryan's? Huh? They owe their lives to you. Thank you! Thank you for keeping my husband alive.
Greenlee: You ok?
Simone: If she finds out that you played her for a sucker, she will hold a grudge until she is called into the light.
Ethan: And you know this from personal experience?
Simone: Evil with a smirk -- your Uncle
Michael "the raping monster" Cambias ring a bell?
Maria: This can't be right.
Maria: Hi, Mr. Tolliver? This is Maria Santos -- Mrs. Edmund Grey. Yeah, thank you. Thank you. It's been -- it's been kind of rough. I'm calling because I was wondering if you could come to Wildwind today. It's really important. Perfect. Excellent. Ok, I'll see you later. Thank you. Bye.
J.R.: I'll back off, Babe -- as soon as you sign over all rights to my son and relocate to hell.
Babe: Damn it. J.R., I wish your mama was still alive.
J.R.: Why, Babe? Why do you got to bring my mother into this?
Babe: It's just
a feeling I have. There's no way that
J.R.: Hold your breath, make a wish. My mother's dead.
Krystal: Hey, listen, you know, if it's not too much trouble and it's on your way, could you play messenger for me? I have some letters for my family.
Di: Sorry, Krystal. I'm traveling fast and light. This is going to be a spanking-fresh start.
Krystal: Yeah. You kind of make yourself up as you go along.
Krystal: I've done that a few times.
Di: Don't expect any picture post cards.
Krystal: You know what? It occurs to me that I don't know much more about you than the day I met you. And it occurs to me that you like it that way.
Erica: André, hi! I know that our regular workout is scheduled for tomorrow, but I have had the most indescribable day. So be brutal, help me burn off this rage.
André: Hey, Erica, hon, five seconds notice, I'd rearrange my apartment for you, but this hour's booked.
Erica: But she's late. So I'm going to change quickly and then we can just warm up with some deep lunges.
André: Sorry. Here she is now.
Erica: Let me handle her.
Lily: I can help, too.
Greenlee: Thank you,
we all know what Jonathan did when
Lily: He gets really mad when you make fun of him like that.
Greenlee: Yeah. Exactly. Any hit to Jonny Boy's manhood and it sends him into a murderous rage. I say bring it on.
Greenlee: If he comes at us, he's going to have to open the gate, and then we can pile on.
Greenlee: Either way, he's going to shoot through it. We just have to figure out the right way to goad him.
Lily: Is there going to be loud noises and yelling again?
Greenlee: Yes, Lily. You're going to have to stand as far away as possible and cover your ears, but it's going to be ok. I promise.
Greenlee: What, you got a better idea? Want to stand here while Jonathan picks us off one by one?
Greenlee: It's too late. Jonathan? Loser boy?
Jonathan: What'd you call me?
Greenlee: Loser boy. I'm sick of sucking up to a nobody. Braden's just using you as his stooge.
Jonathan: Shut up. Shut --
Greenlee: You're just hiding behind that gun. Without that gun, you'd be a big, dumb nothing. You're such a disappointment.
Jonathan: Shut up! Shut up!
Greenlee: Oh, what, did I hurt little Jonny Boy's feelings? You little crybaby, you want to come and get me? Huh? You know what? You don't even realize women laugh at you behind your back. Yeah, we just laugh and laugh and laugh.
[Greenlee and Kendall laugh]
Erica: Brooke, reschedule. I have had the most horrible day.
Brooke: Well, I haven't had such a hot day either, so you reschedule.
André: Sorry, ladies, you're both going to have to reschedule. Sara, ready to work?
Erica: So it's not enough that you go for my castoff lovers? You have to swoop down on my personal trainer?
Brooke: You want a cat fight? Any time, any place. Just not now.
Erica: Well, you don't have to cry just because André blew you off.
Brooke: I'm not crying.
Erica: You are. I mean, unless you have raging allergies. What is this about, Brooke? Are you still feeding Maria’s denial that Edmund's legs were strong enough to walk -- as well as kick her out of his life?
Brooke: Do you ever know when to stop?
Erica: These tears -- they're for Edmund, aren't they, because you lost him again.
Brooke: Edmund cut Maria out of his will and put me in charge of his children.
Erica: That's the smartest thing he ever could have done.
Brooke: Oh -- excuse me?
Erica: Well, in the end, Edmund realized that his wife was a total loss.
Maria: Well, I so appreciate you stopping by.
Mr. Tolliver: Dr. Grey, it's great to finally meet you. Edmund was one of my favorite PT patients.
Maria: Yeah, I -- you know, you did such great work with him, all the endless workouts and everything. I always wondered, though, why you never used the home gym here.
Mr. Tolliver: Boss preferred the hunting lodge -- more private. You know how Edmund liked to keep his therapy separate from his family life.
Maria: Right, oh, yeah. Yeah, that's -- that was Edmund.
Mr. Tolliver: You know, I never got why he didn't involve you in his therapy.
Maria: Well, because Edmund was a winner, and he didn't want anybody else to see anything less than him being a winner.
Mr. Tolliver: Is there something specific you want to know?
Maria: I was -- I was wondering if you could tell me about his progress towards the end.
Krystal: Good luck.
Di: Same to you.
David: You're leaving?
Di: Only if you get out of my way.
David: First, I want to make you an offer.
Brooke: Erica, you were the one who started this avalanche of horror when you mouthed off to Maria.
Erica: Stop the presses. Brooke English -- and I quote -- "The truth should not be told"? You know something, Brooke, I never thought that I would live long enough to say this. But if Edmund had to choose someone to safeguard his children's future, it had to be you. He made the best possible choice. Because like it or not, what we all know is that you can be trusted.
Maria: I think the thing that Edmund hated the most was having me and the kids see him in that wheelchair.
Mr. Tolliver: Well, yeah -- but that was before. Dr. Grey, I've got to tell you, I don't see many miracles in my practice, but your husband was definitely one of them. Talk about answered prayers -- I couldn't believe it when he started walking again.
Greenlee: You forget the combination to your own stupid lock?
Jonathan: Shut up!
Greenlee: Sissy boy.
Jonathan: Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
Greenlee: Sissy boy. Ha-ha!
Greenlee: Get him!
>> On the next "All My Children" --
Adam: I'm going to give you a taste of what you could gain if you told me where Liza is.
Krystal: I know you're up to something.
Aidan: We're not going to be leaving until you give us what we came for.
Tad: And you're going to be more than happy to accommodate us.
Jonathan: Give me the gun.
Jonathan: Give me the --
Greenlee: No, don't.
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