AMC Transcript Friday 10/8/04

All My Children Transcript Friday 10/8/04

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By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Anita: Good morning!

Edmund: Well, good morning.

Maria: Hey, sleepyheads.

Anita: Maria, how much do you love your little sister?

Maria: Oh, no, is this a trick question?

Anita: No, I want to take the feather bed from the blue room with me.

Maria: Oh, ok. Well, will it fit in your car?

Bobby: No, no, no, but it does fit in with our plans.

Anita: Ok, this is a big "ta-da" moment, so pay attention.

Bobby: My gorgeous wife and I have a big announcement to make.

Maria: All right, well, you've got a captive audience. Throw it at us.

Bobby: Ok, well, Anita and I, we're going to be --

Zach: What am I just in time for?

Edmund: Slater. Get a bagel, pull up a chair. Wouldn't be a party without you.

Tad: What brought on the Shaq attack?

Jamie: Ball.

Tad: Midterm madness? Fitness frustration? Or is it just Babe all over again?

Jamie: You're shooting air balls, Dad.

Tad: Yeah? Well, then maybe, just maybe you should let me in on the game. What do you say to a little one-on-one?

Jamie: You and me?

Tad: No, you and Charles Barkley. What do you mean, what do I mean? Yeah. What'd you think?

Jamie: What are the stakes?

Tad: The loser's got to tell his old man what's bothering him.

Jamie: Yeah, I'll spot you three points.

Babe: Is it safe to talk?

Krystal: Yeah, yeah. Winifred let my buddy Murray in to do a sweep. It's all clear.

Babe: You know, Bess just started sleeping through the night and then I'm pacing the floors. This plan of yours -- so many things could go wrong.

David: All right, just work with me on this, Babe, ok? I need you and your mother totally onboard.

Krystal: Yeah, but even the best laid plans can go kerflooie in our faces.

David: I agree. There is a risk involved, ok? But just think of what we stand to gain. Bianca gets her daughter back, you get your son, J.R. loses any chance of possible custody. And the cherry on top of the pie -- we all stay out of prison.

Babe: So all Mama has to do is make Kelly Buchanan confess that Paul Cramer stole my baby and gave him to her? I don't think so.

Adam: I don't care. I -- no, no, I don't care what it takes! You just find my little girl! If Liza has learned anything from our three marriages, it's Adam Chandler doesn't give up!

J.R.: Neither does his son. Dad, it's genius!

Adam: Yeah, bloody brilliant, if I do say so myself.

J.R.: Seriously. I can't find one loophole in this.

Adam: Because there are none. Now, my dream team knows any slip-ups will land them a practice in some no-neck backwater.

J.R.: You really came through for me on this, Dad. Tomorrow I'll be free from that slut and I'll have Bess in my life forever.

Adam: Yeah -- no, no, not tomorrow. How about today, before Babe can choke down another one of her peanut butter and banana pancakes.

Jamie: Ha-ha! And I win! That would be what we call a butt-kicking. Apparently, you're going to go load your troubles on Grandpa Joe.

[Tad groans]

Tad: I think my fadeaway jump shot needs a little work.

Jamie: Yeah, try a complete overhaul.

Tad: There's no need to be cruel. So why don't we have a little talk anyway? I mean, it's not like we don't have anything in common. We've both been lied to by Carey women. Krystal told me they had to run a new DNA test to make sure that Hayward was Babe's father after all. Of course, that turned out to be a total load.

Jamie: So, how did they react when the results came in?

Tad: Like they won the lottery. They were smiling so big, I thought their faces were going to fall off.

Jamie: They found out for sure.

Tad: Found out what?

Jamie: No harm, no foul, no questions. You lost the game.

Tad: No, that was hoops.

Jamie: And you laid out the rules.

Tad: You stopped worrying about following the rules the minute we got you out of training pants.

Jamie: Why don't you just go play half-court with Krystal.

Tad: I can't. Remember? She's busy doing the victory dance with David Hayward. The question is why. Over recycled news about him being Babe's father? Big whoopee.

Jamie: Just --

Tad: According to Krystal, that's not supposed to be a cause for celebration.

Jamie: Just let it be, ok?

Tad: I can't. Now, you said they know something for sure. What is it? All right. You're not going to say anything, and since secrets and Babe seem to go together well, I think I'll just go --

Jamie: Babe doesn't need us nosing around.

Tad: You know what's really up with that DNA test, don't you? Come on, James, throw me a bone here. Pounding the court isn't going to solve anything.

Jamie: Ok, just forget about it, all right? It's over.

Tad: Look, Jamie, I'm not trying to make you feel like a kid. You're a grown man, you got the knife wound to prove it. But that doesn't mean when something bad happens you have to tough it out by yourself. Why don't you give me a chance? It's perfectly obvious that Hayward and Babe and Krystal are a united front. Why shouldn't the Martins join ranks and stand shoulder to shoulder?

Jamie: Ok, Dad. You want the truth? You're right. I know what the DNA test is all about.

Babe: I have never been so scared in my whole, entire life.

David: When it's over, you're going to be happier than you can ever imagine.

Babe: Yeah, and when Adam and J.R. find out what we've done, do you know how mad they're going to be?

David: That's only if they find out what we've done, and if this plan works, they won't. We've got a clear shot of pulling you and your son out of a very tricky situation, so we've just got to keep our focus on that.

Krystal: Your little boy in your arms, honey -- think about that.

David: Exactly! And remember, you didn't put this into motion, ok? Paul Cramer did. He lied. He told you that your son was dead, and then he handed Miranda over to Adam and J.R. to save his own butt. If it wasn't for Paul Cramer, you would be the only mother that Ace has ever known.

Krystal: And Bianca wouldn't have her heart smashed to bits. She'd be six months into a happy life with her own little girl.

Babe: God. Why is Paul Cramer even still alive?

David: Oh, leave Cramer to me. I'd like the honor of squeezing his neck till his head falls off.

Babe: Ok, so what about Kelly Buchanan?

David: That's the beauty of my plan. She's Paul's victim, too. We're on her side. Your mother has an excellent chance of getting her to play this our way.

Babe: What, by giving her baby back?

David: No, your baby.

Krystal: Honey, she already lost custody of Ace to Kevin.

David: That's right, and she hates Kevin for it. What better way to get back at your ex than to deprive him of his son, to pull that baby right out of his arms the same way that Paul Cramer ripped your baby from your arms? So we have to make sure that he takes the fall for everything. Justice delivered for justice delayed.

Babe: So what is going to make J.R. stop him from trying to take Ace from me, even like -- just like he's doing with Bess?

David: The element of surprise. J.R. is not going to know what hit him until it's too late for him to do anything but surrender.

Krystal: You make it sound like it's a done deal.

David: Hey, it helps to know your enemy. Adam and his junior clone are inflexible opponents. They strike a pose and they stand firm. That is their greatest strength and their greatest weakness, so we use that to blow them right out of the box.

Adam: Son, I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but there was, well, a time during this standoff when I was afraid that you might cave, not have the steel to go through with our plan.

J.R.: But I seem to have surprised you.

Adam: You exceeded my every expectation. You even taught this old dog some new tricks.

J.R.: The master learning from the pupil?

Adam: Oh, absolutely.

J.R.: Oh --

Adam: Absolutely. You kept your temper when I would have lost mine and lost our advantage. Controlling your emotions is the key to controlling your enemy. But you're ahead of the game.

J.R.: No. That means a lot to me coming from you. You know, it hasn't always been easy.

Adam: Knowing that everyone hates you?

J.R.: Lately, it's been a one-person party.

Adam: Well, that's the price of winning. You want a fan club, be Tad Martin. He gets the popular vote and loses in life and in love. What we need to do is take a page from Machiavelli's playbook. You have the power to choose, and soon you'll come to the point where you realize other people's outrage is exhilarating. It's like breathing pure oxygen. That's a life lesson that Bess will thank you for when she's your age.

J.R.: I just don't think that I'm going to appreciate it when her godfather Jamie is still behind bars.

Adam: Oh, no. No, that's not going to happen! No, no. She's not that stupid. Prison is only a last resort. Believe me now. To just deserts?

J.R.: Just deserts.

Edmund: Slater, what brings you by my house this fine fall morning?

Zach: Meeting with Bobby. Now, how many families use silver bearing their own crest? How does the Latin translate?

Edmund: "What is left when honor is lost."

Zach: That's worth pondering over hollandaise sauce, isn't it?

Opal: I can't believe it! You purposely cut me off in the driveway!

Palmer: Oh, for heaven's sakes, you drive with one foot on the brake, the other foot in the grave.

Opal: Oh, honestly!

Bobby: Opal, Granddad.

Opal: Oh!

Anita: You guys made it.

Opal: Morning, hon.

Palmer: None of you warned me that I'd have to sit at that table and watch this one gobble up her food. She is like a vulture in drag.

Opal: Yeah, well, the sight of you with egg yolk dripping down your chin doesn't exactly toast my oaties, either, ok?

Anita: Oh, come on, we're all family -- well, practically -- and you guys have to start getting along or you're going to be banished to the kiddie table.

Opal: I know what you mean.

Anita: You guys know Zach Slater?

Zach: Hey.

Opal: Oh, I remember you spoke at the Miranda Center groundbreaking. Oh, but that was before I read about those casino shootings in the tabs with the sniper still at large?

Palmer: Can it, can it, Opal. Can it. What is so all-fired important that I had to give up my Oysters Rockefeller with Leila Mainwater?

Opal: Oh. Well, I don't know what's more disgusting -- oysters for breakfast or you eating those slimy slugs with Leila Maneater!

Bobby: Forget the slugs, Opal. Anita and I -- we got a big surprise.

Opal: Don't tell me! You're infanticipating!

Palmer: They're what?

Opal: They're preggers, you old fool!

David: All right, now, Krystal, you use the trust that you've established with Kelly to get her to come forward on her own. All she has to do is say that Paul gave her the baby and she has no idea whose it is.

Krystal: Well, I think Paul did lie to her about it. I mean, she blurted out that she was a much better mama than some poor homeless woman. I mean, that sounds like his kind of cover story to me.

David: Perfect, perfect. Her conscience must be eating away at her. I mean, how much longer can she live with the guilt knowing that she's come between a child and his mother? Plus, she wants to stick it to her ex in a major way. Guilt and revenge -- powerful motivators.

Krystal: Do I let her know that I'm the baby's grandma?

David: No, no, no, no, no. You just urge her to do the right thing -- find the baby's mother. Kelly can't know your connection to any of this until the truth comes out that Paul stole Ace from Babe. Well, we all knew that Paul Cramer was a lowlife skeeve, right? But nobody could've imagined that he'd be a kidnapper. We'll react with shock, stun, surprise. And if Ace belongs to Babe, well, then, who does Bess belong to? Who else? A DNA test, a little pressure applied to Paul, he admits to the switch. Bess is Bianca's child that she thought she had lost.

Krystal: What about Tad's DNA test, the one that I fiddled with, you know? I mean, that proved that Bess wasn't Miranda.

David: Labs make mistakes all the time. Labels get accidentally switched, samples get mixed up. It's fine. And you -- you get to cry and rejoice with Bianca when you put her daughter back in her arms again -- two mothers celebrating a double miracle. Life took a tragic turn, but everything worked out the way it was supposed to.

Babe: And that's it?

David: No. Then we file for immediate custody of Ace. Kevin loses all rights. I mean, no judge seeking re-election is going to rain on this mother-child reunion. You get your son back, and J.R. can't take him away from you.

Babe: Then what about Paul? Way back when, he mentioned this weird, vague comment about kidnapping. At the time I had no idea what he was talking about, but what if he -- what if he thinks I knew about the baby switch?

David: No, forget it, forget it. Nobody's going to listen to a lying kidnapper who's only alive because we haven't killed him yet. Kelly will put all the blame on Paul, Cramer will spend years in Statesville, and you and Bianca are going to get your babies back.

Krystal: And I might still have a chance with Tad.

Tad: I give you my word. I won't start dumping advice all over you, and whatever you say stays between the two of us.

Jamie: Ok. They ran a DNA test about me maybe being the father after all.

Tad: Bess' father? I thought we'd settled all of that.

Jamie: Dad, nothing about Babe and her baby is settled. I had a second chance at being a father. It was sweet for about 10 seconds. And then the test came in. Not this time.

Tad: I'm sorry.

Jamie: Hey, you know, best thing that never happened to me. Hey, between college, work at Fusion, my extracurricular love life, I mean, where's a child going to fit in? I mean, five, ten years down the line, maybe, but right now? And I -- I can't have some accidental kid hanging on me every five minutes. You know, how am I going to jump the curve with some rugrat running the debt up on me? I'll be playing catch-up the rest of my life.

Tad: Well, if I was the Great Martini, I would know what to do. I could just wave my magic wand and make you feel better.

Jamie: Well, you know the old saying, Dad -- "No pain, no gain." Anyways, I'm a fast healer.

Tad: Well, now that we know you can handle pain, how about you take a shot at telling me the truth?

Anita: No, Opal, we're not pregnant --

Opal: Oh.

Anita: Yet. But it is at the top of our to-do list.

Opal: Well, I hope so.

Anita: Especially now.

Bobby: It's no secret that I've made some investments that went so far south that they're still circling Antarctica. But once Anita and I got back together, my luck changed and I -- I got on the ground floor of a venture that is going to allow us to buy our first home.

Opal: Oh, wonderful!

Anita: It's our dream house! We just closed on it yesterday.

Maria: Anita, that's incredible!

Anita: Yeah, it's got four bedrooms.

Bobby: One to be designated the nursery.

Anita: And a two-acre fenced-in yard.

Bobby: Large enough to play with -- with my son.

Anita: Or daughter. Don't forget, you married a former tomboy.

Maria: Well, when do we get the tour?

Anita: Anytime. Today. Mama's already come by and taken measurements for the curtains.

Opal: Oh!

Maria: This -- well, go ahead and take that feather bed then. You're going to need it, and we'll have to come up with some other fabulous housewarming gift -- I don't know what.

Opal: Yeah, in hopes that somewhere down the line -- nine months down the line -- you might be adding another member to the family. Huh?

Palmer: Anita, congratulations. Yes, indeed.

Maria: Yeah!

Palmer: You continue to surprise me and, well, I'm -- I'm quite proud of you, my boy.

Bobby: Thanks, Granddad. That -- that means a lot.

Palmer: Yeah. Have you called Nina and told her about --

Bobby: Yes, yes. She's going to try to fly out, do the whole interior decorating thing, so --

Palmer: I'm sure she is.

Anita: Oh, well, she'll have to wrestle with my mom for the paint swatches.

Maria: God, I'm so excited for you. This is like your first real house! This is cool!

Anita: It's awesome.

Edmund: Hey, I don't see any wheelchair access.

Bobby: Oh, oh, oh -- that's going in tomorrow, and we've already hired the contractor.

Edmund: No kidding?

Anita: No kidding. One of the reasons we wanted to buy a house was to fill it with family and friends, and nothing is going to get in the way of that.

Palmer: Well, I think this calls for a toast, right?

Bobby: Yes.

[All talking at once]

Palmer: All right, gather round, gather round.

Bobby: There we are.

Maria: We've got to go shopping. We have so much decorating to do.

Anita: I know!

Palmer: For you, son.

Maria: Where are we going to go first?

Opal: It is so thrilling!

Palmer: Here is to Bobby and to Anita. Long may they live, and very happily in their new home.

Maria: Hear, hear.

All: Hear, hear.

Opal: Cheers.

Bobby: Thanks.

Zach: We need to talk.

Bobby: Not now. Just --

Zach: Now.

Anita: Maria, you have got to check out the kitchen.

Maria: Oh, ok, let's see.

Anita: Come here. It's got granite countertops, double ovens.

Zach: I'll cut right to the chase.

Bobby: I'm fired?

Zach: No. The San Diego deal fell apart.

Bobby: Ok. Investments have their ups and downs.

Zach: This isn't about stocks or bonds, Bobby. The deal fell through. It's done. There's nothing left.

Krystal: I didn't think Tad and I had a snowball's chance in Hades, but, David, thanks to you --

David: Maybe I should rethink my plan.

Krystal: You said it was the perfect plan.

David: Yeah, all except for the one bug I forgot to work out -- goes by the name of Martin.

Babe: Hey, excuse you. If Mama wants to be with Tad, that is her business, David, not yours and not mine.

Krystal: Listen to your daughter.

Babe: Mama took care of me by herself all those years. She gave up a ton for me. So if I get to be happy, so does she.

David: Yeah, why shouldn't your mother get what she wants from all this, huh?

Krystal: You know what? Just having a chance to hold my grandson is going to be plenty.

David: Despite the fact that Martin isn't the heart-healthiest choice one could make.

Krystal: Are you speaking as my friend or as some cardio guy?

David: I'm speaking as a guy who wants nothing but the best for you. And Tad -- he puts "bad" in "bad luck charm." Martin and women do not happy endings make.

Krystal: Neither do women and Hayward, but you don't see me running in the other direction when you're around.

David: All right, look, I'm committed to getting you and Babe out of this mess. Now, if you eliminate the Tad factor, it's a rather brilliant idea if I do say so myself. So, all in favor --

Babe: Get over here.

Jamie: You think I'm lying, Dad?

Tad: I don't know what you're doing. I just hope you don't expect me to swallow that.

Jamie: Believe whatever you want to.

Tad: Come on, James. I'm sorry, but there's a major hole in your story. For one thing, why would Hayward and Krystal break into simultaneous joygasms over the old news that you're not Bess' father?

Jamie: Hayward's never had a use for me.

Tad: Ok, I'll give you that. Maybe David's overjoyed not to have a Martin on the family tree, but not Krystal. At this point, the only thing that's going to make her whoop and holler like that is finding out that J.R. has no claim to Bess. So what the hell is going on? Whatever it is, I can handle it.

Jamie: You remember that spiel you gave me about doing things for the greater good?

Tad: Uh-huh.

Jamie: Well, that's what I'm doing, Dad. I'm backing off and keeping my mouth shut.

Tad: I see. So you not only listened, you took notes?

Jamie: It was good advice.

Tad: Maybe. It depends on the situation. You ever hear the one about the bigger sin being when a good man does nothing?

Jamie: Well, send a good man my way and we'll talk it out.

Tad: You got a smart mouth on you.

Jamie: I got it from my old man.

Tad: Yeah, the good, the bad, and everything in between. Ok. You can keep your secrets. I love you anyway.

Jamie: Work on your fadeaway jump shot.

Tad: Ah, if only that were the least of my problems. You got something right -- right there. No, it's like on the forehead. No, on the skin right here. No, right -- ha-ha! You know I'm going to hit you, don't you?

[Jamie groans]

Tad: Come here.

Jamie: Thanks. Thanks, pal.

Krystal: Well, this is it. Kelly agreed to meet me for coffee.

David: You sure you're up for this?

Krystal: Are you kidding? I have trained for this my whole life.

Babe: Oh, and Mama is not kidding about that. Once I had this school principal, and she convinced him to give me a whole year's credit for only two months' work.

Krystal: Well, that's nothing. Remember that sheriff in Chattanooga who pulled me over for speeding?

Babe: Oh, yeah.

Krystal: Not only did I talk him out of giving me a ticket --

Babe: Oh, check this out. He changed the oil, wiped down the windshield, and rotated the tires.

David: Yeah, well, the stakes are a little higher than flunking and a fine.

Krystal: Yeah, you don't have to tell me. You know, the first thing I'm going to do when you get your son back -- besides smother him with kisses -- I'd like to take him in that chapel of yours in the woods and give thanks to the good Lord for bringing our boy home to us.

David: Good luck.

Babe: Oh. Oh, this is the torture part -- the waiting.

David: Yeah. I know it's going to be hard, but just try to relax. Concentrate on the happy ending.

Babe: Gosh, more than anything, I just -- I want to run to Bianca. I want to tell her everything.

David: You just got to let this play out, Babe. Now, we've got to rescue your son from his father and his grandfather first. Bianca will find out soon enough.

Babe: And then what?

David: Que será será.

Adam: I hope your Garland is better than your Doris Day.

Babe: How come I never hear you coming?

David: Maybe because they have no souls -- shoes or otherwise.

J.R.: If you have a moment, Babe, I'd like to speak with you in private.

David: I wouldn't go anywhere alone with J.R. if I were you. There's something about him I just don't trust.

J.R.: Well, personally, I don't really mind the audience. I'm just suggesting privacy out of respect for Babe.

Babe: Respect? Wow, now you got me really hooked. I may have to see what this guy's up to.

David: Don't eat or drink anything.

Babe: No worries.

David: Adam, I'm surprised to see you taking your loss so well.

Adam: Oh, and what loss would that be?

David: The fact that I got off scot-free after you suffered so greatly during your Mongolian misadventures.

Adam: Oh, well, travel broadens the mind. It gives us new insights into other people's priorities.

David: Ah. And what else have you learned, grasshopper?

Adam: Well, just how important your newly blended family is to you. Less than a year ago, your wife dumped you while you were still mourning for the loss of a child, and now look at you, playing big daddy with a grownup daughter, doting on your grandchild, Bess, huh? And I've seen how you look at Krystal.

David: Really? And what look is that?

Adam: Half wolf, half hound dog.

David: You spent too much time in that packing crate, Adam. You must have suffered heatstroke.

Adam: Yeah, well, you go on. You enjoy playing proud papa, but I've got an idea that your big daddy days are numbered in single digits, or maybe even in hours.

David: Hmm. Must be the jet lag from your round-the-world-in-a-box tour.

Adam: Yeah, how I survived is a mystery, along with those convenient gaps in Zach Slater�s surveillance disks, the ones that set you free. There seems to be no end to your luck, Hayward, unless of course I'm sadly mistaken.

Bobby: Zach, I have a home with a mortgage the size of an anaconda. I was counting on this deal coming through. They're going to foreclose on us before we even move in.

Zach: Could play out that way.

Bobby: Well, I guess I'm just going to have to go in there and tell them before I lose my nerve. "Hey, folks, disregard the previous message. I'm still a screwup."

Zach: Bobby. I'll cover your loan.

Bobby: Why would you do that for me?

Zach: We'll work out the terms. Now, go in there and be the golden boy they need you to be.

Bobby: Zach, I don't --

Zach: It's not personal.

Zach: Amazing place to bury your loved ones.

Edmund: Or not so loved ones.

Zach: So even the father that never called you son is entombed in here?

Edmund: It's the least we could do for old Hugo.

Zach: You enshrine your dead no matter how unfit they were to live. "What is left when honor is lost" -- an effigy in imported marble.

Edmund: As opposed to, say, Michael Cambias, rotting in a landfill.

Zach: Interesting you should mention Michael.

Edmund: You could make it more interesting. Tell me who you were before you became Zach Slater, and save the story. The real Zach Slater was a good friend of Michael Cambias, killed in a rock-climbing accident.

Zach: That's easy enough to explain. I faked my own death.

Edmund: Huh. So, who were you before you were Zach Slater? I'm sorry.

Zach: I was always Zach. Never died. Excuse me.

Krystal: Kelly? Hey, I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for seeing me.

Kelly: What do you want from me?

J.R.: So? Any questions?

Babe: One. Why would I ever in this universe grant you full custody of my baby?

Krystal: You know why I never got married?

Kelly: Why?

Krystal: Because most men are lying, using bastards, right? I mean, take your ex, Kevin. I mean, I hate the way he's treated you. It's just the injustice of it all. He's running for office. He should be running for his life.

Kelly: Well, I agree, but you said you wanted to talk to me about something really important, something that was going to change my life?

Krystal: Yes, and what changes a woman's life more than a baby? I know you love that precious Ace more than anybody's business.

Kelly: Tell me something I don't know.

Krystal: And we both know it's an insult that big bucks Buchanan has limited your time with Ace to two hours a week. Come on, that's not quality time. That's torture.

Kelly: If this is all you want to talk to me about, then I should probably just go.

Krystal: Kelly, listen -- if you really love your baby, then why are you leaving him with Kevin?

Kelly: What are you suggesting?

Krystal: Do the right thing, Kelly. Give that baby back to his real mama.

Babe: You expect me to sign away my flesh and blood?

J.R.: I want to give you everything that you've ever wanted -- a chance to walk away from me. You could hook up with Jamie, the good brother. You can make new babies, ones that look just like mom and dad. But there is one thing, one thing that you will never, ever get, which is Bess. I mean, you do like Jamie, right?

Babe: He is everything that you're not.

J.R.: Yeah. Me Cain, him Abel.

Babe: Yeah. You know, I didn't exactly get a gold star in Sunday school, but that sounds just about right, even down to the stab wound in prison!

J.R.: Oh, so you agree with me, then -- Jamie has served his time. So, do we have a deal?

Babe: You think you can just shove some paper in my nose and expect me to sign away Bess like she's something you can own?

J.R.: We can do this the hard way or we can do it the easy way, but I guarantee you that we will have that contract signed by the time day's out.

Babe: Or what? You going to lock me up in Oak Haven? Shove me in some packing crate and ship me off to Mongolia?

J.R.: No. I can save you the trouble and the postage. Since you've already established that you still are my brother's biggest fan, how would you like to be the one to send him to prison?

Babe: James, I thought it was your job to guard me.

David: It's always a treat talking with you, Adam, but I have more pressing engagements.

Adam: No, no, no, don't -- don't run away. You'll miss my guest! I invited him here for you. Ah, Mr. Slater! Welcome to my humble home. You, of course, know Dr. Hayward. Now, let's get down to business. The missing recording of Hayward knocking me out and sealing me into a packing crate -- what do we have to do to make that reappear?

Opal: As my mama used to say -- every new house, paint one room red.

Anita: Hey, is everything ok, sweetie?

Palmer: Well, what could be wrong? When you have success, the world is your oyster.

Opal: Along with Leila Maneater, that is.

Palmer: You know, I've been rich and I've been poor, but I can tell you hands down rich is better. However, you can never be too rich. So, Bobby, why don't you let me in on your little deal?

Maria: I'm chilly. Do you need a coat or anything?

Edmund: I'm fine.

Maria: Ok.

Edmund: There is something I would like.

Maria: Ok. Whatever you want.

Edmund: You turned six shades of pale when Slater said that he faked his own death. What do you know about your ex-lover that I don't?

Zach: You know, when I handed those surveillance disks over to the police, I may have misplaced a couple of them.

Adam: Ah, yes. Well, if you could possibly lay your hands on the disks covering the gazebo and the shed the night of the fundraiser, I would be prepared to reward you handsomely for your efforts.

Zach: Oh, yeah?

Adam: Yeah.

Zach: Well, I'll see what I can do to make or break somebody's day.

Adam: Excellent!

Zach: Unless you care to enter a competitive bid, Doctor.

David: Why don't we discuss this in private?

Zach: My office.

Adam: No.

David: Excellent.

Adam: Wait a minute! No, no! Wait a minute! We haven't settled anything! Oh -- control your emotions, Adam. Damn!

Babe: There is no way that Jamie's going to prison.

J.R.: But he won't be the only one going. See, you and James will be wearing his and hers matching Day-Glo jump suits.

Babe: You know what? Go ahead and call the fashion police because we didn't do anything wrong.

J.R.: Oh, not true, Arabella. You conspired to kill me and you paid someone to do the deed.

Babe: You are such a liar.

J.R.: I am? Then why don't you have a seat and check out the proof. Take a sneak peek at the biggest mistake of your life.

Kelly: I don't know what you're talking about.

Krystal: Kelly, you know, my daddy always used to say, "The truth will set you free." Now, I know that you have been a victim in this sad situation, but, courage, girl. Come on, stick with me. Ok, you can do the right thing and make Kevin out to be just an Election Day liar. All you have to do is tell the truth.

Tad: Did I hear somebody mention the truth? By all means, let's hear it.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

David: You like Babe. Just give me the few weeks that I need to help her out, and then you have the freedom to do whatever you want with me.

Tad: You intentionally lied to me about that DNA test.

Krystal: I had to do it for Babe.

Babe: You've given me a great idea, J.R. Why not kill you?

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