AMC Transcript Tuesday 7/13/04

All My Children Transcript Tuesday 7/13/04

By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Babe: Well, hey, sugar pie, what you doing?

Boy: Pretty lady, can you please help me tie my shoes?

Babe: Well, I guess I can, since you asked me so nice and polite. So, where's your mama? She's all the way over there? You shouldn't be wandering off and giving her a scare like that. Ok, you're all set. You run back over there, you hear me, handsome? Bess, if you even wander off like -- Bess? Oh, my God, Bess. Help me! Somebody took my baby! Help me, somebody, please! My baby! God, please! Bess! Bess!

Danielle: I didn't do anything wrong!

Derek: I don't want to hear it.

Reggie: It's all right, Dani, it's all right. Isn't that right, James?

Jamie: Yeah, we're going to have this cleared up and be out before lunch.

Reggie: Oh, you should have told me. I already ordered my burger and fries. Uh, O-*fficer Maloney, Reggieís back.

Derek: Hey, hey! You move it. You go on over there and you sit down till I'm ready for you.

Reggie: My delivery lunch from Java Luna should be here by now. Oh, I know where it went. See those right there, that rear end? That's my burger and fries.

Derek: Hey, that's enough!

Jamie: Hey, do you got a bobby pin I could borrow? These are kind of tight.

Reggie: Oh, you know, in Vegas, you know, they got fur on the cuffs.

Jamie: Really?

Reggie: Yeah. Isn't that right, chief Frye?

Derek: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's it. Work the standup, smart guy. Your cellmate might not rent you out if you keep him laughing.

Reggie: Oh. Supposed to scare me? Work on your standup.

Derek: You're on probation, sugar lips. This felony means you go away for a long, long time. The next time you hook up with my daughter will be in a senior citizens home.


[Knock on door]

Tad: Hmm.

Krystal: What took you so long?

Tad: I was putting in my teeth. Can I help you?

Krystal: What would you tell a woman who's got a craving, real bad?

Tad: What you got a craving for?

Krystal: You.

Tad: By all means, give in.


Ryan: Hey.

Greenlee: Hmm?

Ryan: We can get you out of this. Cambias has got lots of companies. You just take your pick. As soon as she gets tired of this, you come back.

Greenlee: You don't think that I can play well with others?

Ryan: I think that 24/7 of Kendall will drive you to homicide if I don't beat you to it.

Kendall: So, how do you like it?

Jonathan: I've seen more creative approaches.

Kendall: Well, don't you think the in-your-face can be very effective? I think it generates more heat.

Jonathan: You're trying too hard.

Bobby: Ok, where the hell is Aidan Devane?

Greenlee: How should we know?

Bobby: Here's an easier one. Where's your father?

Ryan: Hey, we're working here. Why don't you come back a little bit later.

Bobby: Ok, look here. I'm just a little sick and tired of all the stupid people around here messing up my life!


Babe: Somebody, help me! My child! My baby!

Bianca: Babe, what's going on?

Babe: Oh, God!

Bianca: What is it?

Maggie: What happened?

Babe: Bess -- I don't know, she was right -- tell me you have her, please! Just tell me it's a sick joke! I just -- I turned my back for a second!

Maggie: No, we don't have her.

Bianca: Where is she?

Babe: I don't know!

Bianca: Ok, we have to find her. We have to find her.

Babe: Please, help me find her! Bess!

[All shouting at once]

J.R.: Hey! Hey, you! Stop! Put down my baby! No, no, no, don't hurt my little girl!

Babe: It was J.R.! I'm sure it was him. I heard him. J.R.!

Maggie: J.R.!

Bianca: J.R.!

Maggie: J.R., where are you?

Bianca: Where did you hear him?

Babe: I don't know -- over there maybe. I was over there when somebody took Bess!

J.R.: Babe? Babe!

Babe: J.R.! Bess! Oh, baby girl, come here. Oh, dear God. Oh, God.

Bianca: Is she ok?

Maggie: What happened?

J.R.: I was -- I was getting into my car, and I saw this guy. And I thought, "That carrier -- it looks just like ours for Bess," and it was. He had our baby! I realized he had our baby!

Babe: Thank God, J.R.

Bianca: Is she ok? Is Bess all right?

J.R.: Bess is fine, yeah. She didn't even realize what was going on.

Maggie: J.R., did he fight you, or --

J.R.: Well, when I started yelling, he just -- he couldn't make good time with the carrier, so he set her down and took off.

Babe: He's got to be crazy, right? He's got to be completely nuts!

J.R.: Hey, did he hurt you?

Babe: No, no, I'm fine.

J.R.: Well, you must be scared to death. Did he have a gun? I didn't see any weapon, but --

Babe: I never saw him. I --

J.R.: But he took Bess away from you.

Babe: She was practically right there, and then this little boy -- he came over and --

J.R.: No, this is no little boy.

Babe: No, no, no, the -- this little boy -- he needed help tying his shoe, and so I helped him. I --

J.R.: You weren't paying attention?

Babe: No, no, I was! It was just -- it was only for a second and then I watched him go off, and then I turned and then Bess is gone.

J.R.: So some stranger just walked up, and he took our baby?

Babe: No, I don't know! I -- I was just right there. It was just only a second. It'll never happen again. I'll never take my eyes off her. I just -- it happened so fast. I don't know, I can't believe it.

J.R.: Neither can I. Bianca, Maggie, can you find us a cop?


Krystal: I hope you didn't have to get dressed just to answer the door.

Tad: Actually, I did. Usually I'm naked in the middle of the afternoon.

Krystal: I knew it.

Anita: Tad! I'm -- Iím sorry. I wouldn't be here if anyone else could help me.

Krystal: My sentiments exactly.

Anita: It's important.

Tad: I'll be in the office in the afternoon if you want to stop by anytime --

Anita: No, no, it can't wait.

Krystal: Exactly how I feel.

Tad: Stop.

Krystal: Tad, where's Aidan? Partners check in, right?

Tad: Aidan? I'm sorry, Aidanís unavailable.

Anita: Well, how can I get ahold of him? I really need to talk to him.

Tad: You canít. Aidan's out of town. He's on a job.

Anita: Look, he found out that my husband was in Vegas with Erica. Is there anything else that you can tell me?

Tad: No. I'm sorry, ethically I can't because you're not paying me, so I can't pass along any information.

Anita: Look, it's -- it's partly why I -- I served Bobby with divorce papers. I mean, what if I'm making a huge mistake?


Ryan: Yeah, I remember you from Philadelphia with Erica.

Bobby: Yeah, I'm Bobby Warner.

Ryan: That's right, you had Erica hidden away in Las Vegas, boozing and partying.

Bobby: She was working. What other lies have you all been feeding Anita?

Kendall: All right, you know what? Why don't you go back to Las Vegas before somebody pounds you into dust.

Greenlee: Bobby, Kendall. Kendall, Bobby.

Bobby: Kendall.

Kendall: Mm-hmm.

Bobby: Huh. Erica was dead-on about you. She says you have a gift for pushing men away. Bet they can't get away fast enough, huh?

Kendall: Hello, excuse me. Hello. I'm not through with you.


Derek: I won't let you make a joke of this unit.

Reggie: Oh, I guess you already beat me to that one, huh?

Derek: Tally, you keep the guys where they are. Danielle, you come with me.

Reggie: Don't tell him anything, Dani. He's going to try to make you squeal.

Danielle: Don't worry, baby, they'll never make me squeal.

Derek: All right, get lost.

Danielle: What do you mean?

Derek: Go home. I'll deal with you later.

Danielle: I can't walk out.

Derek: Your pathetic excuse of a boyfriend dragged you into this mess, and you followed his lead.

Danielle: Yeah, because I can't think for myself.

Derek: I will take care of the charges. You go and you stay with your Aunt Livia until I get there.

Danielle: You're not even going to even ask me what happened?

Derek: No, I have seen that performance before, thank you.

Danielle: You have it all wrong. I'm not stupid, dad. You don't have to protect me from Reggie. You never did. He's -- why waste my breath? Do me a favor.

Derek: I don't feel real generous right now.

Danielle: Ok, do yourself a favor. Talk to Reggie, just not all up in his face. He'll tell you what you need to know.

Derek: This is one big joke to him! He doesn't respect the law or what we stand for.

Danielle: Give him a reason to respect you, Daddy. You've treated him like dirt since you've met him.

Derek: That's because he is.

Danielle: What he did today was righteous. Jamie, too. You can believe what they have to say. I swear you can.

Derek: Ok, you said what you had to say. I'll see you at home.

Danielle: No. If Reggie and Jamie are guilty, then so am I.

Derek: Danielle, stop playing.

Danielle: I'm not playing, I'm very serious. I demand equal and fair treatment under the law. Cuff me, toss me in a cell, and hold me for trial.

Reggie: Tell him, Dani.

Danielle: What? Have you run out of handcuffs?


J.R.: So he's about my size. Maybe a little heavier -- 180, 190 pounds. Uh -- he had brown hair. He's a white guy. And he was wearing sunglasses, so I couldn't see his eye color.

Lt. Perry: Expensive sunglasses?

J.R.: No, this guy was low end. He was wearing big sunglasses, like 10 or 20 years old. He had on a blue hooded sweatshirt, jeans -- I can't tell you which brand, but gray running shoes with black laces.

Lt. Perry: Any facial hair? Mustache or goatee?

J.R.: Yeah, he had a bushy mustache. I really couldn't see his hair color because it was underneath the hood.

Lt. Perry: Tattoos? Jewelry?

J.R.: No. No rings, not even a watch.

Lt. Perry: Anything else?

J.R.: Um -- no, that's it.

Lt. Perry: Get it out to all units, Carver.

J.R.: You know, if that guy knows what's good for him, he'd be 100 miles away from here and he'd keep moving.

Lt. Perry: Well, we'll have you look at some pictures, maybe work with a sketch artist.

J.R.: Ok. Anything.

Lt. Perry: Mrs. Chandler, you said you were distracted by a little boy?

Babe: Yeah. It was just for a second or two.

Lt. Perry: That's all it takes.

J.R.: What do you think, it's some sort of setup?

Lt. Perry: Well, we can't rule out anything.

Babe: No, this was a little boy, and his mom was standing right there.

J.R.: Well, why didn't she tie his shoes for him?

Babe: I guess I was closer.

Lt. Perry: That boy and his mother -- did you see them leave?

Bianca: No. There was just too much going on.

Lt. Perry: All right, we'll finish up the paperwork at the station. You are one lucky couple. These cases aren't usually resolved so quickly, or so happily. You want a lift to the station?

J.R.: No, I'll follow you in my car.

Babe: We'll -- we'll take our car. I can carry Bess for a little while.

J.R.: No, it's ok, I got her.

Babe: J.R., please tell me that you don't hate me.

[Bess cries]

J.R.: The only thing that I'm worried about right now is making sure that this never happens again.


Anita: Tad, please tell me everything that you know about my husband.

Krystal: Got any coffee brewing in here?

Tad: Yeah. Like you don't know where it is.

Anita: Look, this divorce isn't something that I can take back.

Tad: Look, do me a favor, Anita. Don't ask me for relationship advice, ok? I mean, I can find anybody for you. When it comes to love, Iíve just come up snake eyes too many times.

Krystal: Oh, come on, Tad. Why don't you just tell the woman what she needs to hear.

Tad: Until recently, of course. What happened to making the coffee?

Krystal: I'm going. Anita just needs to know whether or not those divorce papers were a good idea, huh?

Tad: From me? I mean, we barely know each other.

Krystal: I'd hate it if I had to leave too soon.

Tad: Tease.

Anita: Look, Tad, Aidan must have reported everything back to you.

Tad: Not necessarily. I mean -- look, the fact is, we weren't looking for an affair. We were just hired to find Erica and then protect her. You know, we didn't bug her bedroom. But if it means anything to you, Aidan never said anything to me that would lead me to believe that he and Erica were, you know, doing something in the bedroom.

Anita: Yeah, if it's true.

Tad: Oh, please. Like Iím going to make Bobby look good for you? Let's review. You were there when he got Kelsey pregnant and skipped town. I don't care what happens to Bobby. You do. That's your problem. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh.

Anita: Ok, no -- I mean, I know that Bobby and Erica weren't -- it's just that he lied to me, and I don't know if that's something I can forgive.


Bobby: You don't have to drive me away, too. I'm not here about you or Erica, all right?

Kendall: Thank God my mother escaped you. Thank God.

Simone: Oh! Well, hello again. You looking for me?

Kendall: You can have him. He's yours. Just get him out of my sight, please.

Simone: Ok. Well, you can take me to lunch. I'm starving. You do remember me, right? From the airport?

Bobby: Yeah, I remember.

Simone: Thank God there's a God.

Bobby: Look, I'm not leaving here until Iíve gotten what I want.

Simone: And that's not me?

Ryan: Greenlee doesn't have to talk to you.

Greenlee: But I will. Someplace else so we can pretend this is a business. This way.

Ryan: So, you having fun?

Jonathan: Yeah. It's like being sent to war with a ping-pong paddle instead of a gun.

Ryan: Yeah, well, what's life without challenges, right? They didn't prep you for this in business school?

Jonathan: No. No, I didn't go to Finances and Ex-fiancťes 101.

[Ryan laughs]

Greenlee: Ok. So, Anita decided to go with the divorce.

Bobby: What did you say to her?

Greenlee: Nothing that would send her scrambling for a lawyer.

Bobby: Well, then Jacksonís behind it?

Greenlee: Breaking up your marriage isn't his style.

Bobby: Is it yours?

Greenlee: I have everything I want. My life's great. Why would I go out of my way to mess up yours when I barely know you?

Bobby: Wow. You -- you actually pulled that off.


Reggie: If I had to be on the run with anybody, it'd be you. You're fearless.

Jamie: Wait a second. What about me?

Reggie: I like her figure better. I mean, if you could sing, you'd be a perfect 11.

Danielle: What happened to 10?

Reggie: You already got that position all locked.

Danielle: So happens I do sing.

Reggie: Well, prove it. You guys want to hear anything in particular? She's taking requests.

Derek: Somebody separate my daughter.

Danielle: I want to stay here.

Derek: Not your call! Jamie, Iíll start with you.

Reggie: I got your back, my brother.

Jamie: Thanks.

Derek: Come on, into the interrogation room.

Reggie: Oh, you're going to move to a cell with a guy named Bubba. You're going to be calling home to mommy for a very long time.

Seth: I won't get sentenced. This won't even go to trial.

Reggie: Oh, you're wrong because I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure you get everything that's coming to you, even if I got to go along with you to keep you company.


Jamie: I wasn't buying any drugs.

Derek: Oh, so you just stumbled in and you didn't notice the pills and the drugs all over the floor?

Jamie: I wasn't after his stash.

Derek: So why were you there, Jamie, huh? Known drug dealer, you and Reggie and Danielle?

Jamie: I had a score to settle with Seth.

Derek: Come on, Reggie was all over the floor scooping the stuff up.

Jamie: With Dani. Is this about a drug bust or Reggie?

Derek: I had you kids nailed.

Jamie: Then I might as well lawyer up now.

Derek: That's not necessary if you cooperate.

Jamie: Cooperate how?

Derek: I don't want to see good people get hurt. You, your mom. I mean, Brooke shouldn't have to go through a long and embarrassing trial just, because you were hanging out with the wrong people.

Jamie: Meaning Reggie.

Derek: Hey, he'd flip on you in a heartbeat. But if you help us first, I think we can let you walk.

Jamie: I know my rights, Chief Frye. I don't have to say anything. But I'm telling you the truth. I wasn't looking to buy any drugs.

Derek: What about Reggie? Was he looking for Seth to sell him anything?

Jamie: Reggie and I were working together to settle something with Seth. Something personal.

Derek: Oh, come on. You got to give me more than that.

Jamie: Seth messed someone up -- a friend of mine -- with his drugs. I can't let something like that go.

Derek: So, you and Reggie were looking to jump him, to beat him up?

Jamie: No, but he deserves it. Thanks to Seth, that girl almost died.

Derek: Oh, so you confronted the big, bad drug dealer, and he just handed over all of his merchandise?

Jamie: Fine, you don't believe me.

Danielle: Nobody knows the trouble I've seen nobody knows --

Reggie: That's it, Dani. You are the one and only perfect 11!

Danielle: My sorrow. I'm sorry, did I disturb your concentration?

Derek: You all warmed up? You ready to talk? Because I will gladly skip to you.


Krystal: Excuse me. You know, forgive me, but I think we get so used to our men screwing up that one false move and we just slap them down before we hear the full story.

Tad: Oh, for Godís sake.

Krystal: Where are you going?

Tad: The only reason women think we screw up all the time is they associate stupidity with not giving a damn. I'm going to go rotate the tires.

Krystal: Why don't you sit down, ok, and listen up. You might learn something you can pass around to your brotherhood.

Anita: I confronted Bobby about Erica.

Krystal: And he denied it?

Anita: Yeah. And then I find out that -- that she's staying and working at his hotel.

Krystal: Ok, well, refresh my memory, but where does it say in the marriage vows anything about lying?

Anita: Well, there isn't anything.

Krystal: Well, exactly. Because every time a woman says, "Honey, do I look fat in this dress?" Poor husband is going to be facing alimony payments.

Anita: Lying counts to me.

Krystal: I know. I'm not saying that it shouldnít. It's just -- it's just not always black and white, ok? You have to consider the motivation.

Anita: No, the truth is the truth.

Krystal: Haven't you ever told a lie just to keep from hurting somebody? You know, because you love them and you wanted to protect them?

Anita: I -- I guess I have.

Krystal: I'm just saying, don't let a half-truth throw you onto the rocks, ok? I'll tell you what, let's play a game. Let's pretend that you're filling out one of those applications for one of those singles love connection things, right? Ok, what are the must-haves for your perfect man, the man you want to spend eternity with?

Tad: Here. Your clock starts now.


Bobby: So, how did you land him?

Greenlee: You thought I was an idiot for hanging on to Ryan.

Bobby: Because he was into another woman. Kendall.

Greenlee: But you also encouraged me. Dreams are worth it. I didn't have to do much except wait for her to self-destruct. She went down in flames and made me look fantastic.

Bobby: Well, congratulations. That's -- that's great. I'm really happy for you. You got any advice?

Greenlee: I'm wearing Ryanís ring. If I can do the impossible, so can you.

Ryan: What is this?

Simone: Oh, that's our new holiday packaging.

Ryan: Hey, Hockett, think fast. Oh, ho-ho, nice catch. You've been playing some ball, huh?

Jonathan: Yeah, since I was 6. I've been working on my hitting, too.

Ryan: Yeah, I want a demo.

Simone: Yeah, well, you can hit on me. Actually, what I was going to say is that you may not think of it to look at me, but Iím actually a very big sports advocate.

Jonathan: Yeah?

Simone: Yeah, mm-hmm.

Jonathan: I need to go to a gym. Got any ideas?

Simone: Yeah, mine. I can take you. It's fabulous.

Jonathan: What kind of equipment do they have?

Simone: Lots. Chrome, weights, elliptical, alpine. You know, high-tech, sweat-producing type of things.

Jonathan: Right.

Simone: Rock climbing, boxing things.

Jonathan: Not a ring?

Ryan: Oh, I don't want to drop you to the canvas already there, little brother.

Jonathan: You couldn't.

Ryan: What are you talking about? I'm the one who created the Lavery bob-and-weave with the old man, remember?

Simone: Ooh.

Ryan: Ok, not funny.

Simone: You know, if you guys are aching for a rematch, I could be in your corner.

Ryan: Both of us?

Simone: Yeah, yeah. You know, I know a lot about boxing. Mia taught me. You know, she even took me to that winky sugar fight. Oh, my gosh, I could wear one of those little outfits and carry the ring card. Did I actually say that out loud?

Jonathan: Yeah.

Simone: You know, I have a better idea. Why don't I take you, and we'll share a steam. We'll blow off work. They have co-ed steam rooms. Ok, I'll just go. You know what, that's a good idea anyways.

Ryan: Hey. Focus.

Jonathan: Hey.


Danielle: Why don't you yell?

Derek: Because I might not be able to stop. You have made this more difficult than it had to be.

Danielle: Me? You don't listen.

Derek: Before you say anything else that can do lasting damage to this relationship, like it or not, I'm a cop!

Danielle: Tell me about it.

Derek: It's a job. No, for me, it's a calling. I take it very seriously. You don't. You've made that very clear.

Reggie: Yo, Jamie. Seth told me that J.R. paid his way out of town.

Jamie: What?

Reggie: J.R. wanted Seth out of town really, really bad. Can't you use that?

Jamie: It fits.

Reggie: No, I'm just saying, just in case you have to cover your tracks. It's not like you have any tracks to cover, though.

Jamie: Yeah, it just makes me think that J.R. Ė


J.R.: Listen, what's up with the handcuffs, huh? The guys in handcuffs -- they're all under arrest?

Lt. Perry: Mr. Chandler, we're over here.

J.R.: I know two of those guys!

Lt. Perry: We don't comment on ongoing investigations.

Babe: J.R., What is going on with Jamie?

J.R.: I don't know. Listen, Jamie Martin is my stepbrother. Is there anything we can do to help? Anything at all?

Lt. Perry: Yeah, the best thing for you to do right now is to go through these mug shots.

Babe: No, wait, if we can help him --

lt. Perry: I'll see what I can find out for you.

Babe: I don't even recognize that other guy. Do you, J.R.?

J.R.: Listen, we'll get Jamie the best attorney in town.

Babe: What do you think happened?

J.R.: You know what, Babe? We got to get through these pictures, ok?

Lt. Perry: Now, if the creep that grabbed your kid has been convicted before, he'll be in this book.

Babe: Ok, can you just tell Jamie for us, please?

Lt. Perry: Will do, Mrs. Chandler. I'd like you to just go through these and see if you recognize anyone.

Babe: I didn't even see the man.

Lt. Perry: You might have seen someone who walked past you just minutes before, or someone just hanging around.

Babe: I -- I didn't even notice anything. The only thing I noticed was that little boy and his mom.

Lt. Perry: The thing is, Mrs. Chandler, frequently the kidnapper has staked out the child he's after. So he watches the family, their comings and goings.

J.R.: Do you think it's anybody that we know?

Babe: No. No way would somebody we know do that. They'd have to be crazy.

Lt. Perry: Most likely, it's someone you've seen around before but don't know.


Derek: Ok, slick, you're up. Jamie?

Jamie: Good luck. J.R. doesn't seem too psyched to see us.

Seth: So why you telling me?

Jamie: Well, you can't have a lot of friends. Doesn't every last one count?

Seth: Go to hell.

Reggie: Listen, Frye, this little silent treatment thing is not going to cut it. Try something else.

Derek: How'd you get over on so many good people? Jackson, Bianca, Jamie, my daughter, completely taken in by you.

Reggie: Of course you wouldn't notice my natural charm, huh?

Derek: You're not worth tobacco spit, and they all protect you.

Reggie: All right, listen. Chief Frye, you want to know how I did it? I drugged them. Yeah, that's what I did! That's why Iím here! Because I was doping my family! I like to keep my family and friends high!

Derek: Stop!


Maggie: Hey.

Bianca: God, I have nothing. What about you?

Maggie: Nothing.

Bianca: I must have asked two dozen moms and four dozen kids. Nobody has seen anyone matching that description.

Maggie: Well, at least he didn't get away with Bess.

Bianca: Thank God. Babe must be so relieved.

Maggie: She's one lucky woman.

Bianca: She still has our Bess, safe and sound. Let's just do one last run of the park.

Maggie: We looked all around. I mean, the cops are out.

Bianca: I know, but it'll be worth it if we can just get one lead on the kidnapper.

Maggie: What are you thinking?

Bianca: Bess is a Chandler. They're high profile and very well off.

Maggie: You think she was targeted?

Bianca: Well, I think that Babe and Bess might both be targets, simply because Babe is married to J.R.


Tad: "Sense he's human"? Kind of goes with a dinner, doesn't it?

Anita: "Humor."

Tad: "Humor." Yeah, humor. So then I guess that this isn't "eatsy"?

Anita: "Sexy."

Tad: "Sexy." Ah, yeah, sexy -- it's always a good thing to have. You know something? With a chicken scratch like this, you shouldn't have stopped at physician's assistant. You could've gone all the way to chief of staff.

Krystal: Keep reading.

Tad: "Soul food." Your perfect man must have a background in home southern cooking?

Anita: "Soulful."

Tad: Ah, yes. So, just out of curiosity, how soulful are we talking? A guy comes home, makes a couple martinis, puts on a little Marvin?

Anita: He has to have soulful eyes.

Krystal: That is important.

[Krystal laughs]

Tad: Ah, yes. I see you must have had me in mind when you wrote out this list because I get this all the time. "Kind and modest."

Krystal: Well, that -- that is smart. That's very smart. I mean, a lot of these close-to-perfect guys are so full of themselves that they don't have room in their lives for anybody else.

Tad: Is that aimed at me?

Krystal: Only the close-to-perfect part.

[Tad babbles]

[Krystal laughs]

Tad: And last but not least -- I'm not even going to try.

Krystal: Uh -- I pass.

Anita: "Openly verbalizes his feelings and thoughts."

Tad: What a wimp.

Krystal: All right, now, how many of these traits does Bobby have? He must have quiet a few. You married him, right?

Anita: Well, I -- I left out honest, loyal, and true.

Tad: You want a guy or a boy scout? What are you looking at me for? She wrote it.

Krystal: Listen, Anita, nobody is going to have all this 100% of the time. I mean, they say Prince Charming couldn't tell a joke to save his life. Are you really going to dump Bobby just because he -- he fudged on an Erica Kane question? I think he was just trying to help her keep her secret. Tell her, Tad.

Tad: She's right. Fact is, we've had our own brushes with secrets and lies.

Krystal: And -- and we fought about them. But after we yelled and slammed a few doors, then we got over it.

Tad: In relationships, that's just how it is.

Krystal: Now, listen, this is just a drill. Are you really ready to put this online? You know, make one of those "Hi, I'm Anita, are you my perfect mate" tapes? Or better yet, you want your mother bringing home her idea of the perfect bachelor?

Tad: Oh, Bobbyís sounding better already, and I don't even like him.


Greenlee: I'll tell Anita that you and Erica were not messing around.

Bobby: Yeah, yeah, but I lied about knowing where Erica was. You know, and now it's snowballed into all these major trust issues.

Greenlee: Well, they creep into almost every relationship eventually. I'll get through to her.

Bobby: No. No, no, no. If someone's going to do it, it's going to be me. Hey, who would have thought that you and I would bond, hmm?

Greenlee: Life is full of surprises.

Bobby: I'm not giving up on Anita.

Greenlee: You shouldnít. You clearly love her. I should go downstairs.

Bobby: Ok. Thanks.

Greenlee: No problem. Hang out here as long as you want.

Kendall: Well, howdy, bobbo. Why don't we make a deal that'll get you everything you want?


J.R.: You finished with this page?

Babe: Yeah. I've never seen any of them.

J.R.: Yeah, neither have I.

[Bess cries]

J.R.: It's all right. I got her.


Derek: You're sprouting pharmaceuticals because you're a humanitarian?

Reggie: You know what, we got a breakthrough here. You're a natural-born Einstein, Frye.

Derek: Oh, oh, you were going to destroy all those drugs. Forget about the street value -- you just wanted to protect the youth of Pine Valley! Do you expect me to believe that?

Reggie: I don't expect you to believe anything that makes sense! The only explanations you want to hear are the ones you make up yourself, so are we done here?

Derek: Send in that one. Hey, let's go.

Reggie: How's Dani holding up?

Jamie: She's as nervous as we are. She's just not as good at hiding it.

Reggie: What did I miss?

Jamie: They got J.R. and Babe searching through mug shots. I don't know, like a purse snatching or something. Something did happen.

Reggie: Well, if Seth doesn't talk, will you?


Seth: I have nothing to say to you.

Derek: Well, once you involve outsiders, I won't feel as generous.

Seth: Outsiders like, what, an attorney? See, Iím not like these burned-out junkies you like to railroad. I talk to no one without my lawyer present.

Derek: Fine, let's go. Come on. Maloney, read these punks their rights again and process them through on possession with intent. Get their prints and their pics, and after their phone calls, lock them down.

Ofc. Maloney: All right. Let's go.

Danielle: Wait!

Derek: No, you wait. This is a one-way trip. Don't take it for a guy like Reggie.


J.R.: Hey, that cop over there wouldn't let me talk to you. What's going on?

Jamie: Just the wrong place, wrong time. Reggie and I paid Seth a visit when he got busted.

J.R.: Don't worry, Iíll get Barry Shire down here, his whole firm, get you out in a minute.

Jamie: Thanks, but I'll just call my dad. We'll work it out.

J.R.: What are you doing hanging around that guy, anyway?

Jamie: I wanted to make sure that Babe never gets messed with again.


Anita: I'm really sorry I busted in. It really helped a lot.

Krystal: Are you reconsidering the divorce?

Anita: Well, I'm nowhere near as sure as I was, but I definitely have a lot to think about. Bye.

Tad: Goodbye.

Krystal: Take care.

Tad: You're a hell of a woman, Krystal Carey. I mean it. You're close to perfect.

Krystal: Only close? What do I have to do to get there?

Tad: Just promise me we'll never go crazy like that over some silly secrets and lies.


Bobby: I don't do business with people who want to rip my throat out through my nose.

Kendall: Anything your greedy little heart desires, I can give to you. A bottomless bank account, your wife, fame -- you name it, it's yours.

Bobby: Ok, how about you hop back into that little lamp you smoked out of, and Iíll cork it right back up, ok?

Kendall: I'm not kidding with you, Bobby.

Bobby: Ok, wave your magic wand. Give me what I want.

Kendall: No, it's not going to be that simple. It's going to be a big risk for the two of us, but it's so going to be worth it. Finally, you can have everything you've ever wanted. I guarantee it.


Greenlee: I really appreciate you taking the time to talk to me. Ok. Yeah, that would be great. All right, Iíll talk to you then. Bye.

Ryan: Hey. So before Bobby Warner burst in here, I put the Kendall question on the table. Do you think you can handle working with her 24/7?

Greenlee: I just got off the phone with Brady Soames. I got the sweetest deal ever. Kendall who? She's no threat to us anymore.


Kendall: Ok, we hit the expiration date on this deal in about five minutes.

Bobby: Ok, I'll bite. You give me the world and my wife back. Now, what do I have to do for you?

Kendall: Seduce Greenlee.


Tad: What?

Krystal: You trying to seduce me?

Tad: Actually, I thought you came over to seduce me. Which, you know, you're doing a wonderful job.

[Phone rings]

Tad: Ignore it.

Krystal: It might be important.


Tad: I don't care. Anybody who wants any relationship advice is just going to have to wait.

Tad's voice: Hi, it's Tad. I'm not home. Leave a message.

[Answering machine beeps]

Derek: Tad, I got Jamie down here at the station. Well, we picked him up on possession with intent.

Tad: Derek, it's me. I'm here. What's wrong? You're kidding. Yeah. No, don't. I'll be right there.

Krystal: Is Jamie all right?

Tad: He's been arrested.


Jamie: What's more important than Babe, right? So, your turn. Why are you here?

J.R.: Someone tried to take Bess. It's all right. Don't worry about it. Everything is fine.

Lt. Perry: Mr. Chandler, can I ask you some questions about the exact sequence of events at the park?

J.R.: Again? Listen, I'll run it a hundred times if it'll help. I'll be right back. So, I saw the guy with the carrier. He couldn't make good time, so he just set it down.

Babe: Hey. J.R. told you we'll pay for your lawyer, right?

Jamie: I got to talk to you.

Babe: Well, what is it? What's wrong?

Jamie: I hate to lay another bombshell on you now, but you got to know. Babe, J.R.ís the one who gave you that drug that almost killed you.

Babe: J.R. didn't drug me. How could you say that?

Jamie: It's not easy, but I am positive J.R. slipped you the drug.

Babe: Yeah, and why would he do that?

Jamie: Listen to me, Babe. You got to be careful.

J.R.: Hey, guys. What's going on?


>> On the next "All My Children" --

David: You owe me.

Krystal: Are you threatening me?

Jonathan: If Kendall tries to get me to sleep with Greenlee, I'll fight it all the way.

Kendall: Do we have a deal?

Bobby: How about I seduce you?

Jack: You book him, he might go to prison.

Tad: Who are you protecting?

Babe: I'm not going to stop asking. What are you keeping from me?

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