AMC Transcript Thursday 4/22/04

All My Children Transcript Thursday 4/22/04

By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Tad: So, what is it? What's the verdict?

Joe: The results of the DNA test aren't back yet.

Tad: Oh, come on, Pop, what's taking it so long?

Joe: Well, we'll have them in an hour or so.

Tad: Listen, we did the right thing. We had to find out whether the baby belongs to Babe or Bianca.

Joe: Tad, I wouldn't have helped you if I didn't believe it best that we learned the truth. You can wait here if you'd like.

Tad: Yeah, I'm going to. Thanks.

Joe: Ok.

Tad: J.R., I'm sorry. I just pray you can forgive me if Bess isn't yours.

Krystal: What is with this? Hang on. Hang on a second. I can't get the flash to work. Oh --

Babe: Mama, I wasn't even looking.

J.R.: Yeah, me, neither.

Krystal: Ok, here we go. I think I got it now. Smile pretty. Darn it, I -- I wanted to take a picture here and then one with Bess at the house.

Adam: I've arranged for Denninger to shoot the entire family.

Krystal: Can I expect a real bullet?

Adam: Denninger is the foremost portrait photographer on the East Coast.

Krystal: Oh. And is Babe and me going to be in this picture, or are you going to airbrush us out?

Maria: You ready?

Edmund: Oh, did you get the stuff from the bathroom upstairs down here?

Maria: I got everything. I got it all from your office, got all the pictures from the bedside table of the kids. I think we're set.

Anita: Ok, I just printed out a list of jokes from this comedy website.

Maria: Oh, no.

Anita: Listen to this -- "How many real men does it take to screw in a light bulb"?

Maria: I'm afraid.

Maddie: Mommy, Sam cut my doll's hair!

Maria: What are you doing playing with the scissors?

Maddie: I'm not, Sam is! And he's cutting Posey Pony's tail, too!

Maria: Sam, you better put those scissors down right now. You know better.

Edmund: How many men does it take?

Anita: "None. Real men aren't afraid of the dark."

Edmund: That's it?

Anita: That's it.

Edmund: Let me see this. Ah, here's one. "Three nuns are standing at the Pearly Gates waiting to go to Heaven."

Anita: Oh, I heard that one in the ER.

Edmund: I heard this one 20 years ago.

Anita: Whatever happened to jokes that are supposed to be funny?

Edmund: Anita, thank you for trying to cheer me up. But with surgery a couple hours away, nothing's going to take my mind off of it for very long.

[In Las Vegas, Erica sits alone in a dark room, haunted by her last encounter with Bianca.]

Bianca's voice: You're not my mother anymore.

Erica's voice: Bianca was not immune from the curse you put on this family either.

Bianca's voice: Not my mother. Not my mother.

[Knock on door]

Tad: So, either Bianca's heart is broken, or J.R. and Babe's world is completely turned upside down. Either we go on as we are, or everyone gets turned inside out all over again. It's remarkable. For such a strong and resilient muscle, you sure break easily.

[When Simone enters Dr. Joe's office without knocking, Tad drops a large anatomical heart, causing it to disassemble.]

Tad: Lord. Simone, come on. If this thing is broken, I am in such huge trouble.

Simone: Yeah, well, you know what? Hearts can be mended, trust me.

Tad: Well, I'm sorry, but you know what? The thing is that Jake put this one together for, like, Father's Day of 1982 --

Simone: Wow.

Tad: I think.

Simone: Where does this go?

Tad: Give me that.

Simone: Ow. That's great.

Tad: There we go. I think everything, you know, looks more or less like it's in place. That's just fine.

Simone: Well, you -- you don't look so good. So what's wrong?

Tad: Uh -- nothing. I'm just, you know, waiting for some important results.

Simone: Anything that I should be concerned about?

Tad: Oh, no, not that. You know, you're fine.

Simone: Oh, thank God. Whew.

Tad: So why did you say you wanted to see my father?

Simone: I didn't say.

Tad: Oh.

Simone: I'm actually looking for Kendall. Why are you acting so weird?

Tad: Well, I told you, I've got, like, a lot on my mind.

Simone: Oh, that must be nice for a change. That was a joke.

Tad: Yeah, it's really funny. Ok, tell you what, do a favor -- I will -- what the hell is this?

Simone: Well, I don't know. It's been a while for me to be in Biology, but I would say the aorta.

Tad: Oh, forget it. I'll just have to leave it the way it is.

Simone: These test results -- you're afraid it's something serious, aren't you?

Tad: Nothing could possibly be more serious, but I -- look, it's not about me. I'm not sick. Why are you here again?

Simone: I told you. To find Kendall.

Tad: Yeah, well, she's not here.

Simone: Well, yeah, I know. See, if you see her, ok, I got this message from her about this big deal meeting at Fusion first thing in the morning. I'm a player now, yeah. Bianca and Kendall gave me shares. Can you believe that? So we've got this big meeting, and I just got to know, like, what I'm actually walking into.

Tad: I didn't catch, like, a word of that.

Simone: Ok, Kendall --

Tad: Yeah, no, I got that part. Ok, she's not here, so do me a favor -- just call her and leave a message, all right? Either way, I can't help you. I can't help anybody.

[Crash]

Simone: Oh, wow.

Adam: The photograph will be all inclusive. It will be Krystal, you and I as parents, our children, and their child.

Babe: Mama, Denninger -- he shoots all the real society people. I read about him all the time.

J.R.: Oh, really? And we qualify?

Babe: Well, we don't have a cabin in Newport, but we could.

Adam: No, a cottage, not a cabin.

J.R.: And they're the size of museums.

Babe: Well, what fun is that?

J.R.: Don't ask me.

Adam: Do you think we could possibly get Bess and take her home before someone else steals her?

Babe: Bess wasn't stolen. How is Bianca?

Adam: Under lock and key.

Babe: Maybe I should go see her before we go.

J.R.: No, no, you know, I don't think we need to be telling Bianca we're taking Bess home.

Joe: Actually, can't leave quite yet. I need your signature right here and here, and in return you get a release for you and for Bess so you can take her out of the hospital.

Adam: Excuse me, Bianca Montgomery waltzed with my granddaughter right past security without a word, and now the mother of the child needs favors? Couldn't we cut a little red tape by letting Anita the nurse just turn a blind eye again?

Anita: How are you holding up?

Edmund: Scared witless. How's that?

Anita: Is there anything that I can do?

Edmund: Anything you can do besides plying me with bad jokes? Stick around. I don't have to play brave and invincible with you.

Anita: Oh, Maria doesn't expect that.

Edmund: Last night I told the kids that I had to go back to the hospital this morning.

Anita: Oh, my God, are they freaked out about the surgery?

Edmund: They don't know. They don't know. I told them I had to go in for more tests. About halfway through the lie, my mouth got dry, and I just choked.

Anita: Well, unlike some men, you're not used to lying.

Edmund: I could use that remark to change the subject.

Anita: If you want to.

Edmund: I heard about what happened with you and Bobby. I'm really sorry. Nobody deserves that.

Anita: Were you ever able to forget that Maria cheated on you?

Edmund: Forget? No. But you stop thinking about it constantly. You know, you consciously put it out of your mind.

Anita: I keep, you know, running through my head what Bobby did, and he's explained. It doesn't make me feel like less of a fool. I guess I should have seen it.

Edmund: Anita, Bobby hurt you, ok? You don't have to make it your fault.

Anita: Would you have married Maria if you could have seen the future? All of it?

Edmund: Would you have married Bobby if you knew he was going to cheat on you?

Palmer: Put me in the sweatbox, pistol-whip me, you're not going to get me to talk.

Opal: Well, for now, would you just give me the knife? Would you give me the knife?

Jack: Palmer, please give her the knife.

Palmer: Oh, for heaven's sakes, that's all you're going to get out of me.

Opal: Jackson, would you please lean on him? What, am I the only one in the room who cares that Erica is heaven knows where, doing God knows what? I mean, at this very moment, for all we know, she could be thinking about jumping off the top of a mountain --

Palmer: You know, these muffins are absolutely wonderful. Where'd you get them?

Jack: The Serving Spoon.

Opal: Or wandering lost somewhere.

Jack: Yes, lost, like maybe in the desert?

Opal: Exactly, exactly. So we have got to force this old buzzard to give us the skinny.

Palmer: Hey, give --

Opal: You're not going to get this back -- no, you're not -- until you give me exactly the location where Erica is because I know you know.

Jack: Erica is in Las Vegas.

Palmer: Squealer!

Opal: Vegas? She's in Las Vegas? Well, that's not even the desert. That is -- that's the pool of gambling and vice and booze and --

Palmer: Oh, grow up.

Opal: Oh, my Lord! Come on, Jackson, we have got to make tracks. Palmer, you need to take care of Petey, and -- Jackson? Jackson? Say it isn't so. Are you saying that you are giving up on Erica? She needs you, Jack.

[Knock on door]

Bobby: Desirče? It's Roberto. Desirče? Good. I caught you at home. It's not exactly homey, though, is it?

Erica: Oh, it's fine. No, please, don't. Leave it.

Bobby: Ok. Desirče, you haven't been out of the suite since I brought you up here, have you?

Erica: Well, no, I don't want to call any attention to myself.

Bobby: But you haven't even ordered room service.

Erica: I will know when I'm hungry.

Bobby: Erica, you --

Erica: I -- do not call me that. I told you, Erica Kane --

Bobby: No longer exists. I'm sorry. Desirče, you're going to have to take care of yourself, or I'm going to have to take care of you.

Erica: Roberto, you worry too much. Really, I can take care of myself.

Bobby: I'm sure you can. I'm sure you can. But, you know, let me help, huh? At least you have to give our chefs a chance.

Erica: Roberto, this is very kind of you, but I'm not hungry.

Bobby: Desirče, you got to keep your strength up if you are going to enjoy all that Vegas has to offer.

Erica: Oh, you mean, drive-through wedding chapels and gambling and trained tigers?

Bobby: That is only the tip of the Sin City iceberg. I've got everything from yogurt, fresh fruits, caviar to carpaccio, brioche to pain au chocolat. Would you join me? Hey, Roberto is loathe to chow down by himself.

Erica: Roberto, I thank you.

Bobby: Ok. Have a seat.

Erica: Thank you.

Bobby: Exquisite spring water. Desirče?

Erica: Yes, thank you.

Bobby: Cheers. Can I -- can I get you something else?

Erica: Oh, no, no. This is perfect.

Bobby: Ok. You have to check out the show at the Starlight Theater. It's very opulent. Very Folies Bergčres.

Erica: Oh, yes, I wish I could.

Bobby: Right, but you don't want anyone to know that you're here.

Erica: Well, strangers recognize me.

Bobby: Yeah. That's what you get for being so good at whatever you do. Recognition is a curse.

Erica: Among several.

Bobby: But little do you know that Roberto has a secret weapon. I'll make sure that no one, perhaps not even your own family, will recognize Erica Kane, superstar. By the time I'm through with you, you are going to be incognito queen. All right? Watch this.

Bobby: Voilá.

Erica: You think that's me?

Bobby: I think it's very Desirče of the desert.

Anita: If you had known about Maria and your brother, would you have married her?

Edmund: When I think about our life together -- Maria�s and mine -- and then I think about the years that we spent apart, you're damn right I would marry your sister. I'd marry her every day of my life, you know, because when the times are bright, they're just -- they're blinding. And what we got now -- well, I want very, very much to have a long life of the same, you know? Yeah, till death -- till death do us part. That's me.

Maria: Scissors are confiscated, apology accepted by Maddie. All is well.

Edmund: Is Maddie really upset at what Sammie did?

Maria: She's just trying to get attention right now. I think she's actually happy with the new haircuts. I don't know.

Maddie: You'll never get him back! Never!

Sam: She swiped my robot.

Edmund: Whoa, whoa!

Maddie: He wrecked Sugar and Posey, Daddy.

Edmund: Ok --

Maddie: They're practically bald.

Edmund: They are?

Maddie: Mm-hmm.

Edmund: Ok. Well, listen, I heard about your recent tragedy, ok, and you have my sympathy.

Anita: And you have mine.

Edmund: Ok? But I need you guys to call a truce now, really. Because while I'm in the horse pistol, I'm going to depend on you.

Sam and Maddie: Dad, it's "hospital."

Edmund: That's what I said. While I'm in the hospital, I want you to promise me that you'll help out Mommy, ok?

Maddie: I'll help.

Sam: Me, too.

Edmund: That means no fighting and no mutilating each other's toys, at least until I get home. Deal?

Maddie: Deal.

Sam: Yeah, I guess. Deal.

Edmund: All right. I knew I could count on you guys, all right? So, now, you guys get off to school, and I'll get off to the hospital.

Maddie: You mean the horse pistol.

Edmund: Exactly.

Maddie: Yes.

Edmund: So we can all get done and I can get home, ok?

Maddie: Oh, Daddy -- Daddy, you're hugging me too tight!

Edmund: Hugging you too -- you got work out more! Give me a kiss. You, too. Ok, I love you. Ciao --

Edmund, Sam, and Maddie: Mein noodle!

Maddie: Bye, Daddy.

Sam: Bye, Dad!

Edmund: Let's go.

Krystal: Adam, why don't you escort the loot. All right, let's go.

Babe: You guys, I can -- I'm perfectly fine to walk.

J.R.: It is hospital policy.

Krystal: That's right.

Babe: Ok.

Krystal: Go on.

Babe: All right.

Krystal: I'm just going to -- I'm going to stay here. I'm going to pass out these fattening thank-yous to the nurses and the orderlies, so y'all go on.

Babe: So we'll grab Bess and meet you out front?

Krystal: You know what? I've got my car here, so I'll meet you back at the house.

Babe: Ok.

Krystal: All right.

Babe: I cannot wait to get our little girl all settled in her nursery.

J.R.: Mm-hmm.

Opal: She needs us to go out there to find her to remind her that we love her and to bring her home.

Jack: Well, I've done all I can. You do whatever you have to do, ok?

Opal: Come on, mister. We got to go. Come on.

Palmer: I haven't finished this muffin yet!

Opal: Come on!

Palmer: I said I haven't --

Opal: Well, you can eat it in the car, all right? We are getting out of here. I'm deeply disappointed in you, Jack. You know, I used to think that your love was true. Well, now I guess I was just 20 shades of wrong.

Reggie: Jack, why the hell aren't you going after Erica? Is Opal right? Are you done with her?

Erica: Oh, Roberto, this was very thoughtful of you, and it's fun. It's -- I'm just afraid it may not be enough.

Bobby: So Erica what's-her-name with blond hair is still Erica?

Erica: Yeah, I think so.

Bobby: Ok, I was afraid of that.

[Knock on door]

Bobby: So I took the liberty to invite Debbie.

Erica: No. Nobody can know that I'm here.

Bobby: Don't worry. She is the soul of discretion.

Erica: No, I have got to remain anonymous!

Bobby: Password?

Debbie: Elvis sent me. Hey.

Bobby: Debbie, this is --

Debbie: Oh, hey. I'd recognize you anyplace. Desirče, hon, how's it shaking?

Bobby: I told you -- discretion.

Debbie: On the hoof. That's moi. Girl, I have protected famous fannies from Liberaces and Elvises to -- well, I'm just not at liberty to say. I am as quiet with the gossip as I am loud with the colors and the fabrics.

Bobby: Debbie is our wardrobe mistress.

Debbie: Among other things. And Debbie, by the way, is not my real name. Ok, Desirče, I got rags, baubles, and beads with your name on them.

Bobby: Whoa. That'll be sure to stop traffic.

Erica: Uh -- this is low-profile?

Debbie: Hon, you blind them with the spangles, they won't know if you're a wealthy widow from Palm Springs or Michael Jackson.

Erica: I -- I think we need to go another way.

Debbie: Okey-dokey. Ooh. Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. I guarantee the inner you will be hidden in this wrapper. Feast your orbs on this.

Erica: Oh, Debbie. I think you're on to something here.

Jack: Well, if you were listening, you heard me tell Opal why I wasn't going after Erica.

Reggie: Well, Opal's not family. You can't lie to me as easily. Jack, I really think you need to go after Erica.

Jack: Reggie, Las Vegas is a big town. There's plenty of places to get lost if you want to, ok?

Reggie: But when you do find her, you're going to go after her, right?

Jack: Reggie, do you know I call Erica twice a day? I call her once in the morning to tell her I love her, have a great day, and once at night to say "Good night, sweetheart, pleasant dreams." And not once -- not once has she returned my calls.

Reggie: Just because she doesn't call you back doesn't mean she's stopped needing you.

Jack: Well, if she needs me, she can reach out for me, now, can't she? I've done everything I can do.

Reggie: Jack, if was you, I would be on a plane right now, flying to Las Vegas.

Jack: Reggie, I would give Erica everything I have, everything I am if -- and this, unfortunately, seems like it's a really big if -- if she wanted it.

J.R.: Ok, here we go.

Babe: Look, Uncle Stuart must have painted it.

J.R.: Oh, yeah. Yeah, you know it. Hello?

Babe: Maybe they're at the gatehouse. Oh, Bess, look! Your very own puppet theater. Look. Look.

Stuart: What? What? What is this? Ooh, look.

Babe: Look.

Stuart: Princess Bess is home! Ooh-la-la. Ooh-la-la-la-la!

Babe: Uncle Stuart!

J.R.: Hey, come out and welcome her in person.

Stuart: Yes, yes, yes. Oh, yes, yes. Oh, oh, she's gorgeous, a sunflower.

Marian: A miracle! Our little miracle's here. And -- oh! Oh, she's a rainbow. She's the stars in the heavens!

Babe: She's your niece.

Stuart: Oh, I got to see. Oh -- oh, she is perfect.

Marian: Stuart, you haven't finished the play yet. Come on back down and then we'll -- oh, darlings. She's breathtaking. Hello, little Bess. I'm your Aunt Marian.

Stuart: And I'm Uncle Stuart. How do you like your puppet theater?

Babe: Did you make it, Uncle Stuart?

Stuart: No.

Marian: No, no, but he chose it and had it delivered.

Babe: It's going to be so much fun. We'll read stories, and then we can come down and we can act them out in your own theater.

Stuart: You look a little tired, J.R. Yeah, parenthood is a pretty tough job, isn't it?

Babe: Oh, hey, there. I think moms do all the work. So far, anyway.

J.R.: Well, you know, it's not the fatherhood, exactly. It just -- it doesn't feel right having Bess. It just feels like it's some sort of cosmic foul-up.

Tad: Yeah, ok, here we go. The human heart fully restored. Well, now I know why surgeons feel like gods.

Simone: Well, Apollo, is that an aorta in your pocket, or are you happy to see me?

Tad: Oh. Damn it -- whatever it is. Uh -- an aorta. What do you know? You were right.

Simone: Yeah, well, if only the flesh-and-blood ones were as easily restored.

Tad: Well, how's yours? Your heart?

Simone: Oh, gee, thanks for even caring to ask. Um -- you know, after my nice rest, it and me are ready to get back in the game.

Tad: Well, you just be careful what you ask for.

Simone: You know what? Maybe I should invite you to have brunch with me. Yeah, you can, you know, give your mind a rest from this incredibly important test result that you're waiting for. I mean, the results are going to take forever anyways, right?

Krystal: Oh, my God, Tad, you didn't!

Tad: Listen, I'm going to have to do brunch some other time. Why don't you check Bianca's room for Kendall?

Simone: Ok. Will you just call me so I know you're ok?

Tad: I will.

Simone: Ok.

Krystal: These tests that matter so much to you -- they better be concerning your own health, like cholesterol, anemia -- you didn't. Tell me you didn't do this.

Tad: I had to know.

Krystal: You don't have the right, Tad. This doesn't concern you!

Tad: Of course it concerns me. J.R. is my son. I'd just like to make sure that the baby he's raising is his own.

Krystal: They didn't agree to this, ok? It's not legal, and when I tell --

Tad: Who? Who are you going to tell without admitting why we ran the DNA panel in the first place?

Krystal: Is your daddy in on this?

Tad: I wanted it done right.

Krystal: There is not one right thing about this. You and your daddy are just nothing but lowdown felons, and you make me sick!

Tad: No. The only thing turning your stomach right now is the fear that that baby might belong to Bianca.

Babe: A mistake? What kind of thing is that to say?

J.R.: Oh, no, no, no, I only meant that it just hit me that Bess has been shortchanged in the dad department.

Babe: Oh, honey, don't say that. You're wonderful.

J.R.: No, no -- at fatherhood? Because I'm totally clueless. And my role model? Forget about it.

Stuart: Yeah, Adam is -- he gets parenting confused with CEO-ing.

Marian: Well, you know, he really does have a point, darling.

J.R.: Will you promise to let me know if I make mistakes or I mess up?

Stuart: Well, Bess will be the first one to let you know about that. Having a baby is like -- it's like having this big, blank canvas, and you want so much to paint something beautiful on there -- like the Mona Lisa or the water lilies, you know.

J.R.: I can't even draw a straight line.

Stuart: You know, I'm going to let you in on a big secret. Big secret.

Marian: What, something I don't know?

Stuart: Well, I don't know. I don't know. Nobody in the whole world -- in the entire history of the world -- has ever been a perfect parent. And as much as you want to shape the work of art that they're going to get to be anyway, you can't. You have to -- you can guide them, but you can't mold them. They have to do that for themselves. They have to. And sometimes seeing them struggle with that is the hardest part of being a dad or a mom.

Babe: That's the most dead-on thing I've ever heard.

Marian: Well, that's my Stuart. He's brilliant and talented.

Stuart: You're going to be fine, J.R. You just give that little girl all the love that she deserves, and nothing can go wrong.

J.R.: I will, Uncle Stuart. My baby will never go unloved.

Stuart: Oh, I got to get -- I got to get ready for tomorrow.

Babe: Tomorrow?

Stuart: Yeah -- oh, I forgot to ask. Can I -- I wanted to sketch Bess tomorrow if that's ok.

Babe: That's great.

Marian: Ok, well, yell if you need anything, ok?

J.R.: Oh, yeah, you'll be hearing from me.

Marian: Bye-bye.

Babe: Hi. Hi.

Dr. Marshall: Everything in order?

Anita: Every form completed, every release signed.

Edmund: Yep, basically it says I agree to let you take your best shot at -- A, I walk again, B, I'm a quadriplegic, or C, I'm deader than a polyester leisure suit.

Dr. Marshall: I won't entertain any outcome except a -- completely restored mobility. I'll see you in the OR.

Edmund: I won't keep you waiting.

Anita: Hey.

Maria: Hey.

Anita: Later, kids.

Edmund: Tell me again you're with me on this.

Maria: Honey, you are the best part of my life. I am -- I'm with you 100%. Let's just win this one.

Jack: Reggie, life is about choices, and I'm not talking about just A or B. There's a whole alphabet from which to choose, you know what I mean?

Reggie: No, I don't know what you mean. Jack, if you don't want to explain it to me, then just say so. Don't try to confuse me with this A-B.

Jack: Just listen to me for a second, will you? I love Erica, but she's not the only person I love. I love you, I love Bianca, I love Greenlee, I love Kendall, I love Lily. I can't just pick up and leave everything and everybody that needs me to go chasing after the one person that doesn't seem to want me around her at all.

Reggie: Jack, don't you have men out there on the case?

Jack: Yes, you bet I do. And am I scared for Erica? You bet I am. Does it kill me that I can't help her right now? I hate it worst than anything in the world, Reggie, but that's the way it is.

[Bobby whistles]

Bobby: Man.

Debbie: I am brilliant.

Bobby: Uh -- genius. What can I say?

Erica: Do you like it?

Bobby: A lot. Don't you?

Erica: I love it.

Debbie: You mean, you love you, whoever you are.

Erica: I truly am a whole new woman. Debbie, thank you so much.

Debbie: No problemo. Oh, here. Now that we know your look -- well, guess my job here is done.

Bobby: I cannot stress to you the need for secrecy.

Debbie: No, you do not.

Bobby: Sorry.

Debbie: With all the dirt I've swept under the various carpets over the years, I could blow the lid off this town. Not my thing. Have fun, kids.

Bobby: Thanks to you, we can.

Debbie: Mr. W., you are running a lucky streak.

Bobby: Desirče, you look fantastic.

Erica: Thanks. So, you just did me a major favor, Roberto. What do you expect in return?

Adam: We don't want stiff, Denny, but we want it relaxed but strong, sturdy, the way every family wants to be.

Denny: Upright, not uptight.

Adam: Exactly, exactly. Elegant but subtle, hmm? You ready?

Babe: But Mama isn't here yet.

Adam: You think I don't know that?

J.R.: Well, we can't take the family photo without Krystal here.

Adam: Stuart�s not here. Marian's not here.

J.R.: They're not supposed to be.

Adam: Krystal knew we were doing this. If she had something better to do --

Babe: Mama would walk over broken glass to be a part of Bess' first photo.

Adam: She's probably out getting that new tattoo I suggested.

Denny: Mr. Chandler, it's now or never.

Adam: Yes, right, exactly. Why don't you sit, J.R.? And, ok -- what do you think? Here or here?

Denny: You're asking me? Imagine that. Whichever you prefer.

Adam: All right.

Denny: Say "Tahiti."

Adam: What?

Denny: It's where I'll vacation as soon as I finish with you. Ready? Tahiti.

Babe, J.R., and Adam: Tahiti.

Krystal: Who made you King Solomon? Why don't you just tear that poor baby in two?

Tad: As soon as we know the truth, we can do what's right.

Krystal: According to you? According to your daddy? Who told you you could run people's lives and decide who's happy, who's miserable? You don't really even care about the results of that test. You're just on some sick screwed-up power trip, you heartless jerk!

Bobby: I don't expect anything.

Erica: No? I ran into you in Pine Valley a couple of times. I don't know anything about you.

Bobby: Yeah, that's about right.

Erica: And now you give me a place to live, a way to remain undiscovered -- I mean, a whole new life -- and you don't want anything in return? You're not human.

Bobby: All right, there is one thing.

Erica: Of course.

Bobby: I'd like to see you enjoy yourself.

Erica: With you? An affair? Because that's not going to happen.

Bobby: Because I'm married, and I'm not about to cheat on my wife.

Erica: Ok, so you don't want that kind of a reward. Are you hoping to lull me into a false sense of security?

Bobby: Why would I do that?

Erica: Or maybe you're a reporter, or maybe you're hoping to make a bundle by selling the inside scoop on my crackup.

Bobby: Is that what this is?

Erica: That's what the tabloids will say.

Bobby: Does everyone use you? Is there no one that genuinely likes you for you that you can trust?

Erica: You're in cosmetics. You're trying to steal Enchantment's secrets.

Bobby: Ok, I didn't follow you to Vegas. You found me, all right? You knew I was here. You are the one who is hiding and lying, not me.

Erica: I'm going to find out what you want.

Bobby: Knock yourself out. The place is yours as long as you want it. You won't see me again.

Edmund: You know, I've got a really good feeling about this, beautiful. When -- when doc happy knife is done with me and I wake up, you know what I'm going to do?

Maria: What?

Edmund: I'm going to tap-dance out of here.

Maria: You don't know how to tap-dance.

Edmund: With you I could learn. With you I can do anything. Let's make out.

Maria: Oh, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, you guys, but my sister and I are going to do it, ok? We can cover it, thanks. Ready?

Edmund: On, Prancer, on, Dancer, on, Cupid, on, Vixen. Hey, kiss me again. Ok?

Babe: Today was just absolutely perfect --

J.R.: Mm-hmm.

Babe: Except for you.

J.R.: What? What did I do?

Babe: You totally scared me with that whole "mistake about Bess" stuff.

J.R.: I want you to know how seriously I take this. I want Bess to be proud of her father.

Babe: She will be. She'll be crazy about you. Oh, I love our life. It just keeps getting better and better.

J.R.: Yeah, and now it's the best with you and me and Bess.

Joe: Hello, Krystal.

Tad: I'm sorry about this, Pop. It's all right, you can come in. She knows what we had to do.

Krystal: I know what you did.

Tad: Whatever. In any case, there's no point in keeping it a secret, so out with it. Is Babe Bess' mother or is it Bianca?

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Mary: When do we kick Babe and her mama over the county line?

Ryan: I still love Kendall and I want her back in my life.

Kendall: I want him back so bad, it's killing me.

Greenlee: You want to know if I'm trying to come between Kendall and Ryan.

Jack: So are you?

Krystal: What do those results say?

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