AMC Transcript Friday 3/12/04

All My Children Transcript Friday 3/12/04

By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Greenlee: Who knew that the end of the road would be some fancy Philly hotel? Did you happen to leave me a note?

Erica: Oh, no. They just won't do. I mean, those flowers will completely overwhelm the camera shot.

Man: This is a $300 work of art.

Erica: Oh, I'm sure, and it's lovely, it really is. It's just that, well, when we go live to announce my new company, we have to be sure that the camera focus is on me, not on the beautiful, lovely flower arrangement.

Man: Of course. Anything you want, Ms. Kane.

Erica: Thank you.

Hannah: Jack.

Jack: Your Honor. So, we got a tough room in there?

Hannah: Tough enough.

Jack: You get any kind of a read on them? I mean, thumbs up, thumbs down? Right, right. Wouldn't want to spoil the surprise, would we?

Hannah: What do I know? I just wear the robe. Well, I assume you'll be parading in character witnesses to plead your case.

Jack: No, actually, Hannah, I've figured I've sucked enough people into this mess. It's just going to be little old me in there today.

Hannah: Wait, not even your niece?

Jack: No.

Hannah: Jack, Bianca could make a hell of a case. What you did you did for her.

Jack: No, I am here because of me, and I'll either hang or not on my own.

Stuart: Yeah -- oh! There's a lid on it or something.

Bianca: Hey, guys.

Stuart: Bianca.

Bianca: Stuart, J.R. Who's your point guard?

Stuart: This is Chuckie. He's part of my peewee basketball team.

Bianca: Oh, cool. So where's your other teammates?

Stuart: Yeah, they headed for home. Chuckie likes to get in some extra practice.

Bianca: Mm-hmm.

Stuart: Chuckie, why don't we let the guest coach shoot a few and you, and I can take some laps?

Chuckie: Ok. Race you.

Stuart: Ok. The loser has to buy the ice cream.

Bianca: So are you practicing for when you got to coach your own kid?

J.R.: Yeah, well, if I answer you, you might regret it.

Bianca: Wow. Where did that come from?

J.R.: You're an expert on my psyche. Why don't you tell me.

Maria: Hey, my handsome slacker. It's time to get up and get a move on.

Edmund: Don't touch me.

Maria: I may not be the cute little nurse's aide you're used to, but I do know how to do this. I've done it a thousand times. What do you say we spend some time with the kids tonight? Spend a little family time together?

Edmund: I said don't touch me!

Maria: Ok. I -- I just have to change your bag and --

Edmund: To hell with the bag. Just -- look, you're not a nurse's aide, ok? And I am not some patient you can just jolly out with some -- look at me.

Maria: I see you.

Edmund: I don't think you do. Look at me. Take a really good look, ok? Here I am in bed with these tubes and these wires. Here I am, your husband, and there you are, my wife. Or are we past all that? I mean, is that part behind us? Because if it isn't, then I want you to take that basket and get the hell out of here!

Bianca: Brr. You want to tell me what that cold shoulder is all about?

J.R.: A little conversation with my wife ring a bell?

Bianca: Help me out here.

J.R.: You told Babe to cut me some slack because I was raised by a megalomaniac?

Bianca: Right, I -- I'm sorry. I think that I avoided the M word, and my conversation with Babe was more about the joy of the brand-name parent.

J.R.: Either way, Bianca.

Bianca: It wasn't some kind of a "Diss J.R." session, ok? Look, Babe came to me for some help, and I thought that I was qualified to be of assistance.

J.R.: Just because you're my friend doesn't give you the right to crawl inside my head.

Bianca: J.R., look at me. I couldn't crawl if you begged me to. I was probably talking more about myself, anyway. I mean, come on, if anybody can relate to a powerhouse steamroller parent, don't you think it's me, La Kane’s not glamorous, not straight daughter?

J.R.: I don't want Babe thinking Adam runs my life.

Bianca: She doesn't. Look, J.R., everything that I said to Babe was about love and sympathy, ok? Maybe it's not a big deal to you, but I kind of like the idea that there's somebody out there who understands. It makes things a lot more dealable.

Stuart: Yeah! Oh!

Bianca: Now, that right there is some serious understanding.

J.R.: Mm-hmm. Well, Chuckie's mom is always getting hassled because she works late, has two jobs, and doesn't show up sometimes. Well, you know, Stuart just seems to make it all that go away.

Bianca: Do you ever wonder what life would have been like if you were Stuart Chandler Jr. instead?

J.R.: Well, first of all, Stuart wouldn't have to name his kid after him. He wouldn't do that.

Bianca: Always there the second you needed him, always the right words or no words at all when there's nothing to say.

J.R.: Hmm. When I was a kid, just at the moment Adam was convincing me that I was the crowning disappointment of his life, Stuart was there to make me feel good.

Bianca: Every kid should be so lucky.

J.R.: Hmm. You're worried?

Bianca: Well, I can vow that I'm not going to pull the same stuff that my mom did.

J.R.: How can you avoid that if that's all you know?

Bianca: I make myself promises, like "I will let my daughter run barefoot in the rain." I know that there's more important things in life, but then again, maybe there aren't.

J.R.: I'm not even there yet. Just up until yesterday it was all about appointments and tests and the doctors, trips, you know, decorating gifts, and now it's -- I'm scared as hell to be a father.

Man: Oh, this wasn't a victimless crime, Mr. Montgomery. You embarrassed the office of the District Attorney. You opened the door for possible appeals on unrelated cases simply because you're on record as a loose-cannon vigilante. Now, that said, you have the right to explain your actions. You're entitled to representation by counsel. For your sake, we suggest that you avail yourself of that opportunity.

Jack: I don't believe that will be necessary.

Man: Careful, Mr. Montgomery. You could very well walk out of here never to practice law again.

Jack: Please allow me to rephrase. I mean no disrespect. But the fact of the matter is I have no excuse for what I did, and, therefore, counsel is not required. I'm guilty. As a matter of fact, I'd go so far as to say if I were sitting where you are instead of standing where I am I would pull my license without so much as a second thought.

Ryan: I was just going out for a morning ride, you know, clear my head.

Greenlee: Did it wake up fuzzy? Like maybe you hit the minibar last night?

Ryan: When I tie one on, Greenlee, I like to do it with bottles bigger than my thumb.

Greenlee: So, no drinking, no fuzzy, no problem.

Ryan: Wrong. Big problem last night. I laid into you pretty good, if you recall.

Greenlee: You launched on me for good reason. I broke the primo rule. I reverted to type. I got all in your business and uppity about Erica. I tried to dictate other people's feelings and behavior. Offering to buy you off with some breakfast would just make things worse, but I could sucker some businessman into buying flapJacks for the both of us. My treat.

Ryan: I don't think flapJacks are the answer to this one.

Greenlee: What's the solution?

Ryan: Well, maybe you, me, and the bike isn't the way to go.

Greenlee: That would mean the adventure's over for us?

Ryan: Together, at least.

Greenlee: Well, it's not breakfast, but it is a solution.

Ryan: We both had to cut our losses.

Greenlee: Your bike, your call. It's up to you.

Bianca: The CEO of Chandler Enterprises is afraid? I think the Dow just plummeted.

J.R.: Well, mergers, buyouts, national acquisitions -- it's a piece of cake. But seeing my dad's face in my shaving mirror -- now, that is a week's worth of nightmares. When did I ever become my father?

Bianca: The lip curl?

J.R.: Oh, yeah, yeah. And the eyebrows? It's all about the eyebrows and my voice, yeah.

Bianca: J.R., stop it. You're not that much like Adam.

J.R.: Yeah, well, because I work like crazy to keep it under wraps. Hell, I just try to hide it from myself most of the time.

Bianca: Yeah, well, that's the tricky part. It doesn't work so well.

J.R.: Yeah, well, it only happens when I'm tired or I'm worked up and I see Babe's face, and hurt. It's, like, I know my face has been like that a thousand times. "How can you say that to me if you love me?" And I don't know how.

Bianca: At night, I start to think about what kind of baby she's going to be, what kind of person, and I go crazy. My mind freezes. Will she get a hundred piercings? Will she bring a briefcase to preschool and dream about becoming an accountant? And this kind of weird attitude comes over me, and I decide that there is no way that my daughter will ever be a --

J.R.: Go-go dancer at the Shimmy Shack?

Bianca: Exactly. That's not on my to-do list for Miranda. But then I think back to when I was a little kid and I wanted to take drum lessons, and my mom said to me, "Oh, sweetheart, you don't really want to do that --"

J.R.: Ah --

Bianca: "I mean, don't be silly." And she could just gut me just like that and then go back to reading her mail. And I would be standing there, silently screaming, "Yes, I do really want to do that" and at the same time thinking, "Maybe she's right."

J.R.: Yeah, and you keep questioning your own thoughts and opinions.

Bianca: God save me from ever doing that to my little girl.

J.R.: Yeah, well, you send him my way because my kid's going to need all the help he can get.

Bianca: All right, how about this -- I solemnly swear that I will climb all over you if I ever see you doing the Adam growl in front of your kid.

J.R.: Fine. If I can flash a picture of your mother every time you say "What were you thinking?" to your daughter.

Bianca: You know, if we can follow through on this, I think our kids might have a fighting chance.

Erica: This is perfect. This is just perfect. Thank you. In fact, everything is perfect right now. Please, just the whole room -- it exudes glamour.

Man: So do you, Ms. Kane, if I may say so.

Erica: Oh, thank you. Please, please do, and often, because that's the whole reason the camera crew is coming today, because it's all about glamour. Oh, so flowers and my hair and my notes -- oh, and please be sure that the champagne is chilled properly. You know the vintage that I prefer.

Jack: A better man would have probably saved us all this time and trouble and waived this hearing. A braver man might have just walked away from the bar and not looked back, but I can't do that because I love the law, I believe in the law; and that's why I would ask this panel to not look solely at my indiscretion, but at my history as an attorney and as a DA. So I beseech this panel to look at the good that I have done and can do again if allowed to serve the law that for one terrible moment I so betrayed.

Aidan: Morning, all.

Maria: Hey.

Aidan: Lovely day up here at your castle on the hill.

Anita: We dropped the kids off at school. Maria, Maddie’s teacher gave me a permission slip. I think you should look at it.

Maria: Now?

Anita: Yeah.

Maria: Ok. I'll be back a little bit later.

Aidan: Well, a lot of books, no TV. Isn't that kind of un-American?

Edmund: You don't like it, there's the door.

Aidan: Ooh. Wake up a bit cranky, did we, this morning? Or is it just because I'm in the room? Because I thought we got past all of this when we fought the Calatravases side by side up at the lodge. You know, they make buddy movies about men like us. I mean, granted, those men aren't actually buddies, but, hey, you know, we made the news, Edmund, and you are quite photogenic, by the way.

Edmund: Is this my penance, having to sit here and listen to you? Did I do something wrong in a past life that I'm not aware of?

Aidan: And I'll tell you what the answer is. You have forgotten that whether you have legs or whether you don't have legs that Maria loves you with all her heart and soul, and if you make her suffer for that, then you're a bloody moron. Hold that thought. There's something missing.

Greenlee: It was a hoot and a half while it lasted, a good hoot more than I expected.

Ryan: So you're fine with this?

Greenlee: Me, you, and the separate ways? Yeah. You know what? I'll head to the nearest airport, and I'll wait in a little nice private waiting room and make nice with rich folk until someone gives me a lift. I can griff with the best of them. But thanks for caring.

[Knock on door]

Ryan: Good morning, gentlemen. What a lovely touch. Beautiful facilities, beautiful personal, personal service. This will be on the top of a glowing review for my "Tony the Traveler" column.

Concierge: Oh, I think this gentleman might have something to say about that.

Ryan: Oh, and who might he be?

Concierge: This is the real Tony the Traveler, and this is my real cell phone on which I am going to dial the real police and have you and your sidekick really arrested for fraud, identity theft, and theft of services.

Ryan: Let's -- let's just sort this out. That is not Tony the Traveler. He may well be named Tony, but I am the only Tony the Traveler. Slick over here is just trying to score himself a free meal, and while I understand, I am deeply offended.

Greenlee: I knew you couldn't pull it off. Hi. He's a disaster, isn't he? Smarmy when he should be charming, defensive when he should be groveling at your feet.

Concierge: And pinning it all on him isn't going to let you off the hook, lady.

Greenlee: Give him all the credit? Hardly. You two hurt my feelings. Nothing? No flicker of recognition? No "aha" moment?

Tony: Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're that lipstick girl.

Greenlee: Greenlee duPres, the brains behind Fusion, and, you, my two handsome geniuses, just blew our cover and tanked a very expensive project. Between you and this meatball, we never had a chance.

Tony: So how'd you go from lipstick cosmetics to impersonating me?

Greenlee: You want to know?

Tony: Yeah.

Greenlee: Fine. I'll tell you. Where was I?

Ryan: The meatball.

Greenlee: You. The meatball. This hunk of burning love is the lucky recipient of a major Fusion makeover. Look at him -- new chin, new hair, new teeth. Pull up your shirt. New six-pack -- buy four, get two free. This was his final test. That little con that he tried running downstairs? That was us trying to see if he could shine his way into your gorgeous hotel.

Concierge: I don't buy it. This man is a professional.

Greenlee: This man is a meatball. May I be so bold, that business downstairs? All me. He just followed my lead. I fed him his lines. But we knew we'd never pull it off in the end. Hence, you two at our door. Hang your head in shame, meatball.

Aidan and Edmund: Ah.

Aidan: Mmm. That's pretty good.

Edmund: Breakfast of champions.

Aidan: That's what I'm talking about.

Edmund: Mm-hmm.

Aidan: You know, if you're going to be shacked up here with no telly, you damn better well, have some beer, boy. You know, Anita thought this was a tasteless homecoming gift.

Edmund: Anita has no taste.

Aidan: Well, it's a bit early in Pine Valley, but it's about drinking time in England.

Edmund: God save the Queen.

Aidan: What is all this over here? All this medical stuff?

Edmund: Oh, you don't want to know.

Aidan: If it is what I think it is, well, I know I'm on to something. Aha. I fell for this before. I stick one here, and I'm supposed to stick another one back here. This will do the trick. Here we go. Drink up. Cheers.

Edmund: You go first. You're very strange.

Aidan: Mmm. It'll work.

Edmund: You know, it is man's ability to make and use tools that separates him from all the rest of the beasts, including the apes, who managed to get those, you know, ants out of the holes with the sticks. They'd appreciate this.

Aidan: Uh-huh. Well, now that we're settled, I think there's something that we should discuss. It's not good to talk about it in polite company, but -- which I understand -- but if I'm going to do my part, Edmund, really, I should know. Your bloody elections -- tell me, please. Fill me in. How do they work? It's like they defy the laws of cause and effect.

Edmund: Yeah, they do, but, you know, a hell of a lot better than you Brits -- who, by the way, didn't we kick you about a couple of centuries ago?

Aidan: Oh, come on. Don't, don't.

Edmund: Twice.

Aidan: Don't even start.

Edmund: I'm sorry. I digress. You want to know the secret of American politics? Very simple. Everybody knows the truth, and everyone agrees not to talk about it.

Aidan: Right. I can understand that.

Maria: And then he always keeps pushing me away, but what the hell is that going to do, because I've got to get in there, I've got to keep him clean, I've got to keep him all healthy, and there are things that I need to do.

Anita: Well, things -- they need to be done, but maybe not by the woman that he loves more than anything in the world.

Maria: What? What is that supposed to mean?

Anita: It means stop trying to be all things to Edmund.

Maria: I'm not trying to be all things to Edmund. This is love, Anita. What I'm saying to him is that "I know where we are and I know where we're going to be for the rest of our lives now, but I am still here with you no matter what."

Anita: And you say that with an adult diaper in your hand?

Maria: Shut up, Anita. Just -- please, shut up!

Anita: Maria, why is it ok for you to do it, but not ok for me to say it? You're a doctor. I'm a PA. This is reality.

Maria: You know why? Because it's my reality. This is my home, and that is my husband, and he would not want you to talk about him like that. So for God's sake, please leave the man a little bit of dignity.

Anita: For God's sake, Maria, listen to what you just said.

Maria: Are you kidding? I am the reason that he even has any dignity, because I go in there -- me. I go in there so that he -- because there are things that he wouldn't want anybody else to see, so I go in there and I see them and I know the things that he wouldn't want anybody else to know. I do that. Ok? I do that so that he can see how much I love him and how none of that is going to change how I feel about him.

Anita: I know that, Maria, but if you just stopped for two seconds, you'd realize that it might change the way he feels about you.

Man: Take a seat, Mr. Montgomery. It shouldn't be too long.

Jack: Thanks, sir. I'll do that.

Erica: I'd like to make a statement, if I may.

Man: Ms. Kane, while I understand your position, we are ready to make our decision.

Erica: Just a moment, that's all I ask. Isn't a career worth a moment?

Jack: Erica, where have you been?

Erica: I'm here now.

Jack: And I appreciate that, but you do not have to do this.

Man: Feel free to have a seat, Ms. Kane.

Erica: Thank you, but this seems more like a standing occasion, if you don't mind. Ladies and gentlemen, from the moment that Michael Cambias assaulted my daughter, Mr. Montgomery's niece, Bianca, until the time she revealed that she shot her attacker in self-defense, our family has been wrapped up in ugliness and chaos. Mr. Montgomery made some reckless decisions to keep his family safe. Knowing him as I do, I doubt that he even tried to justify his actions. What he did was an anathema for a man of principle. It wasn't for monetary gain or personal reward. He acted when it seemed the courts couldn't. He tried to protect his niece Bianca from the man who wounded her. To see the law he loves betray the child he loves must have been a torture he couldn't bear. He had to choose between the law and the child he loves as his own. And we all know the choice he made. I know there is nothing I can say that will make what Jack did legal, but certainly, it was understandable and forgivable and human in the most important sense of the word.

Stuart: And I'll tell you, I was terrified when I became Scott's dad. Cindy was there, of course, but she'd been his mother all his life, so she was an old pro, but -- well, I was worried. Worried. I didn't sleep well for a month or two or three.

J.R.: But, Uncle Stuart, you were born to be a father.

Stuart: Oh, no! Do I seem that way now? I don't know, but -- no, no, you should have seen me back then. Nobody starts off knowing all the rules or what's the right thing to do. It's scary to help make a person.

J.R.: How do you ever get over that fear?

Stuart: You don't. There's a secret, though, that I wish somebody had told me a long time ago. When you hold your baby in your arms and you look down at their faces for the first time, you're looking at a tiny little person. They've already done all the work for you. You don't have to do anything, just protect them and love them. Later on, it can be a little bit tricky, but you have to -- you have to listen to what they're saying to you. Listen very carefully. And they'll tell you what they need. Also, keep a little tiny bit of fear tucked away to remind you not to get cocky.

J.R.: Well, Adam definitely missed that fear factor.

Stuart: Oh, no, no, no. His head is buzzing with so much fear, that's why he can't hear what you need.

Bianca: Well, Adam would flip if he heard you say that.

Stuart: Well, maybe, but it's true. That's why I try to help Adam, and Jackson tries to help your mom.

Bianca: But why after all this time? After we're grown up and we're healthy and we're normal? Sort of. I mean, what is it that they're still so afraid of?

Stuart: It's all the hurts they've suffered. They're afraid you might have to suffer them, too.

Anita: I am no genius at marriage, but I'm practically an expert at what happens when we try to be all things to the person we love. I mean, look, come here. Take a look. Tell me what you see.

Maria: Me? Just, you know, normal.

Anita: Normal?

Maria: Mm-hmm.

Anita: That is sad. It's tragic almost. I mean, this from the girl that was voted hottest geek in high school, the girl most likely to wear a stethoscope and a pushup bra?

Maria: Who told you that?

Anita: Maria, where's the mascara? The eyeliner? The blush? The sexy tousled hair? I mean, you used to be a hottie.

Maria: Well, I don't know if you've noticed, but, you know, I've been a tiny bit busy.

Anita: Come on, busy with what? With charts and dinner trays and catheters? Does that really say "hubba-hubba"?

Maria: I think you've lost your mind. Totally lost your mind.

Anita: Maria, come on, you can hire someone to do all the things that Edmund needs done for him, but you can't hire someone to be his wife. You know, the fun, smart, sexy woman he fell in love with? That is your one and only job. It may not be brain surgery. You know, that you can handle. But you've got masses to learn. You come with me.

Greenlee: Yeah, we'll be booked, we'll be charged. The campaign is toast.

Ryan: I thought you were going to pretty me up and find me a wife.

Greenlee: Well, you're pretty, at least.

Tony: You know, if this goes public, you'll be the hotel that let a man freeload, sent him to jail, and ruined a national campaign.

Concierge: I mean, you wouldn't put that in your column, would you?

Tony: I owe my public the truth.

Concierge: New plan. Mrs. duPres, it would be our honor if you and Mr. Meatball here would join us for the remainder of your stay as our guests and perhaps then you would consider to do the reveal here on the premises?

Ryan: Does that mean no jail?

Greenlee: Maybe even a wife. I'll need to confer with my partners, but it sounds like a win-win for all involved.

Concierge: Thank you.

Tony: A pleasure.

[Greenlee sighs]

Ryan: I got to say, I am impressed. I'm even a little bit proud. My little grifter's all grown up.

Greenlee: I was good.

Ryan: You were brilliant. I mean, you let those guys think that it was their idea to cut us loose. You didn't freak, you didn't choke, you had faith in my con. I mean, that took guts.

Greenlee: I learned at the master's knee. Maybe it's another sign that we should go our separate ways, but not in this freebie hotel robe.

Ryan: Ok, hold on, wait, wait, wait. How'd you know that con was going to work, me as the Fusion women's makeover after shot?

Greenlee: Please, I was quaking in my terry cloth. You in that getup as a fashion do -- we're lucky we made it out alive.

Aidan: So I see. So the electoral college, not the people, elect the president?

Edmund: Mm-hmm.

Aidan: Well, I'm sorry, but that's a load of baloney, Edmund.

Edmund: A load of baloney?

Aidan: Mm-hmm.

Edmund: The electoral college is the essence of creative, all right? It is designed to protect the farm states, the little itty bitty farm states, from getting whupped from the big industrial cities.

Aidan: I see, so one-man, one-vote is followed by unless it's being close, all bets are off.

Edmund: Well, then, it's a Florida.

Aidan: Well, I'm sorry, but your definition of creative sucks, man.

Edmund: Oh, really?

Aidan: Hmm.

Edmund: You want to talk sucks?

Aidan: What? The position that you're in?

Edmund: You're damn right.

Aidan: Well, on the sucks scale, it's a killer, but it could suck a lot worse.

Edmund: Ok. I'm stuck here in bed with tubes coming out of every orifice. You tell me how it could suck worse.

Aidan: Well, you could have tubes coming out of every orifice and you could be out of beer.

Edmund: You got a point.

Bianca: Why can't my mom just see that I'm me?

J.R.: That when we make choices different from theirs that it's not an indictment on the way they live their lives?

Bianca: Right, it's just what we have to do for ourselves and for our kids. Why can't my mom just see that? Why can't J.R.'s dad take his foot off of his throat for long enough to get to know the real J.R.?

Stuart: Well, there's probably about a thousand million reasons for that, and I -- I don't have the answer to any of them. If I did, I'd write a book, go on TV. There'd be a lot more happy kids in the world. Wouldn't that be great? Yeah. Just listen. Listen when they talk. And try not to worry. If you spend a lot of time worrying about something that might happen, chances are pretty good it's going to happen.

Bianca: Oh, I hope not.

Stuart: Oh, no, no, not for you guys. I have very good feelings about you and your babies. You got so many people that want to help you, and you've got each other. You are the hope for the future. You're going to be just fine.

Jack: Thank you. Thanks you so much for being here. Thank you for everything you said. Thank you for knowing what I needed when obviously I didn't have a clue.

Erica: I didn't tell them anything they don't already know. I just hope it helped.

Jack: Oh, it helped, believe me. No matter what decision they come back in this room with, it helped. But, sweetheart, we need to get out of this room and have a private talk. So after they come back in and render their verdict --

Erica: Oh, Jack, we're already on borrowed time. I have a TV interview scheduled. I have to run just the minute they come back in here with their decision.

Jack: Well, then after. Erica, I mean, if I can tell you how I felt when you walked through that door, I -- please see me later tonight, then.

Erica: Jack --

Jack: Honey, do you realize how much we stand to lose here? Please, Erica, tonight.

Erica: We will talk as soon as possible. But, first, I must roll out this new company. It just can't wait. I mean, this idea is so big that it's just going to take off, fly away all by itself if I don't reveal it.

Man: The disciplinary board will come to order. We're ready to make our recommendation regarding Jackson Montgomery. The panel has reached its decision. Mr. Montgomery, you abused your post, your office, and the bar and your willingness to betray your oath and its principles. You offered no defense and no explanation. Now, that said, the panel will recommend to the State Supreme Court that your license to practice law in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania be suspended for one year. If you violate the terms of your probation, you will be disbarred for life. You got a pass, counselor, but if you shame yourself or the bar again --

Jack: I understand, sir. I thank you very much for your lenience. I thank you all.

Man: And while we respect your unadorned mea culpa, Mr. Montgomery, Ms. Kane brought to light issues you chose not to. Don't thank us. Thank her.

Maria: When did you become a master of the makeup brush?

Anita: Well, sometime after I borrowed all your makeup, but just before you found out and yelled at me for a week.

Maria: Oh, my God, I remember that. Well, I wouldn't have yelled at you for a week, only like a day if I'd known how good you were going to be.

Anita: Come on, let's show Edmund.

Maria: Oh, my God. You vaguely resemble my husband.

Edmund: Well, I'm a distant cousin from the debonair side of the family.

Maria: Hey, family's family.

Edmund: And, you. That brute couldn't possibly deserve a woman as lovely as you.

Maria: Well, you better watch it, because you're talking about the man I love.

Anita: Well, whoever you both are, the cook has prepared a fabulous lunch for two.

Aidan: Oh, fantastic. I'm famished. See you, girls.

Maria: Ah -- and you know what? I think there's some fabulous rugby game on right now, or cricket, or whatever you guys play. It's on -- TV.

Aidan: What? I'm not invited?

Maria: You aren't.

Edmund: Yeah, I think she's trying to say you're not invited, yeah.

Aidan: Fine. You go ahead.

Maria: Ok.

Edmund: Poor guy. I didn't want to break it to him, but he's not my type, you know.

Maria: Yeah, sad. Thank you.

Anita: I don't know how you did it, but that was wonderful.

Aidan: Well, all I did was crack open a frostie, but, you, you're pretty impressive. Well, I think our work is done. So until we meet again, milady --

Greenlee: You know, I forgot it was possible just to just have fun.

Ryan: Well, for somebody who's out of practice, you're awfully good at it.

Greenlee: Coming from you, high praise, indeed. Keep the chrome side up, baby.

Ryan: Will do.

Ryan: Greenlee, wait.

Man: The satellite's ready for the feed in five, four, three --

Reporter: Good morning. I'm here live with Erica Kane, who's about to give us a rare exclusive. Thank you for joining us, Ms. Kane.

Erica: It's my pleasure. I'm so excited to announce the news of my latest foray into beauty and fashion. And we're not just talking about a new company. We're talking about a whole new way of life.

Reporter: While the public appreciates your brave front, they really want to know how you feel about your daughter giving birth to her rapist's baby.

On the next "All My Children" --

Bianca: You shouldn't drink that.

Erica: When did you ever get the idea that you can tell me what I can and cannot do?

Tad: Time for me to make some changes in my life, some serious changes.

Ryan: And I thought that maybe I rated a kiss goodbye.

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