All My Children Transcript Friday 2/27/04
Proofread by Gisele
Ryan: Hey, what are you -- what are you doing out of bed?
Greenlee: You looked frozen.
Ryan: What? Come here. I'm going to get you back in bed. Come on. Come on.
Greenlee: Are you really here?
Ryan: What, are you still feeling foggy?
Greenlee: I just -- I imagined you so many times -- on my birthday, on the swing. You were just a wish I made on my birthday candles.
Ryan: Well, then, you know, your wish came true. I found you, and I brought you to this hunter's cabin to get you warm. And now I'm going to call a doctor.
Greenlee: A doctor? What for?
Ryan: Well, because you're running a fever, because you're shaking like a leaf, and because you're not acting like a spoiled little brat that makes everybody want to throttle you.
Kendall: Hmm. Oh, my God! Oh, God! Mad cow! What -- where -- what --
Kendall: What --
David: What is it?
Kendall: Oh, my God -- what -- David, what -- what did I do? What -- what did I do?
David: Relax. Relax. You spent the night on the couch, that's all.
Kendall: Oh. Oh, thank God. I thought I'd died and gone to the cow pasture. Oh, God! My head -- I feel like I have a stampede running inside of my head.
David: Let me finish getting dressed, and I'll mix you my hangover cure, ok?
Kendall: No, wait, David, wait. I have to -- I have to say something to you that I think might make the two of us blush.
Jamie: Hey, there.
Jamie: Are you my granddad's new executive assistant?
Anita: And why would you assume that?
Jamie: Well, Grandpa told me there was an amazing new hire in his office, and I figured I'd just swing by and make her feel welcome.
Anita: The nurses warned me about Joe Martin's son Tad. Said more charm than the law allows.
Jamie: That's my dad.
Anita: Looks like you got his moves down, right to the killer smile.
Jamie: And the nurses didn't warn you about me?
Anita: Should they have?
Jamie: Nah, I'm basically harmless.
Anita: Why do I get the feeling you want something from me?
Jamie: Because I do. I'd love to get a sneak peek at the test results for Babe Chandler. No one has to know about it, and I'd be all kinds of grateful.
Babe: Morning, sweetie.
J.R.: Uh-huh. Good morning. Ahem. Oh.
Babe: There you go.
J.R.: Thank you. Babe, what the hell are you trying to pull now?
Krystal: Are you being frisky or sneaky?
J.R.: The "World's Best Dad." First, the mugs, then the T-shirts. Then you get a little petition you start circulating around. Tell me -- how many signatures is it going to take to convince me that I'm this baby's father?
Babe: J.R., you are this baby's father. I can feel this in the bottom of my heart.
J.R.: I -- I got to hand it to you, Babe, you really know how to set the scene. All I have to do is play my part. But remind me, which is my role? Father or the uncle?
Babe: I have to take a step back when you say such hateful things. I just have to take a deep breath and remind myself that you've had some of the world's worst daddying. You remember all the bad things that your pops did. And you're not going to go down that rough road with our child. And every bad thing that Adam ever did to you -- you're going to forget every single thing as soon as you hold our little sweetie in your arms. And you're going to shower our baby with more love than you ever even thought that you could feel.
J.R.: You might want to dump out that coffee, rinse out the mug just in case Jamie's the world's best dad.
Babe: What do I have to do? Do you want me to shout it out? Rent a billboard? You are this baby's father! And those results today are going to prove it.
J.R.: Or not.
Babe: Fine. Go the Adam route. Just rig it so that nobody wins. We're due in at Dr. Joe's at 10:00 for the paternity results. You'll be there?
J.R.: I wouldn't miss it for the world. Not for the world. Here. You might want to hang on to this.
[Babe flings the mug across the room and runs out of the house]
Adam: Good morning, son.
J.R.: Well, you're up bright and early, Dad. Praying that Babe's kid's Jamie's?
Jamie: Here's the deal. There's a chance that Babe's kid could be mine, and if it is, I want to give Babe and Mini-me all the support they need.
Anita: Why don't you just wait till the test results are made known?
Jamie: 2:00 a.m. feedings, diaper changes -- I need to take some serious training.
Anita: Look, I don't even know where the test results are.
Jamie: They're right there, in my grandfather's in-box. Please, and what's in that envelope could change my life forever.
Joe: Good morning.
Anita: Good morning, Dr. Martin.
Joe: Jamie, what brings you by here?
Jamie: I came for the test results for Babe.
Joe: Hmm. You're early. Come back in 45 minutes.
Jamie: Well, I don't mind hanging around, and -- could come back in 45 minutes.
Joe: Did my grandson try to involve himself with my in-box?
Anita: Oh, not that I noticed. Hey, I filled out this job app, and I attached my resume.
Joe: Oh, good. Well, we always have a need for qualified physician's assistants. Goodness, I -- it's hard to imagine you so grown up.
Anita: Well, you haven't changed.
Anita: And neither has Pine Valley.
Joe: Yeah, well -- please, sit down. How long do you intend to stay in the valley?
Anita: Oh, well, that depends on Edmund's recovery.
Joe: Uh-huh. And you're staying with Maria out at Wildwind?
Joe: Is Bobby going to join you?
Anita: Oh, that's sort of up in the air right now.
Joe: Huh. Well, we're glad you're here. And Ruth and I want to have you over for dinner as soon as you're all settled in.
Anita: Can't wait.
Joe: Yeah. Meanwhile, I'll get the ball rolling with Human Resources, and they'll set up an interview.
Anita: Thank you so much, Dr. Martin.
Anita: Thank you.
Tad: Krystal, this is stupid. Can we please just go back to bed?
Krystal: I'm not in the mood.
Tad: I bet I could get you in the mood.
Krystal: Not a chance. And you can take back your necklace, too.
Tad: That was a gift.
Krystal: Huh! It was insurance in case I caught you crawling through my personal things -- which I did.
Tad: Well, you can't hardly blame me.
Krystal: Ha! The hell I can't! And, you know, put yourself in my place.
Tad: Gladly. Ok, no problem. Variety's good.
Krystal: I'm not kidding. I am lying there in bed with -- with an incredible lover, all right? I feel his warm breath on my neck, and my heart starts to pound. And he reaches for me, and -- well, it turns out he's just reaching for something that's going to make my daughter's life a living hell. And if there is one thing that I will not stand, sit, or lie down for, that's being used.
Tad: I apologize. I'm sorry. Ok, I admit it. After everything you and I have been through, I was curious of what you had stuffed in the mattress. It shouldn't be a surprise. But at least I didn't try to lie about it. Number one, you're too smart, and, number two, I care too much about you to try. And I hope that counts for something.
Krystal: Oh, you know, you could flash those baby blues at me, and I just want to toss you back in that bed and have my way with you six ways till Sunday.
Tad: Well, then what are we waiting for? Come on -- come on --
Krystal: No, Tad, no! I can't trust you! I'm going to go meet up with Babe, wait for those paternity test results. At least I can trust your daddy not to mess with her future.
Ryan: Your hands are still like ice.
Greenlee: I want to go back on the swing.
Ryan: What swing?
Greenlee: In the forest. When you pushed me, I felt like I could fly.
Ryan: I think you should go back to sleep.
Greenlee: You think I'm out of it because I'm being nice to you?
Ryan: Well, now that you mention it.
Greenlee: When I was in that mineshaft, I thought I was a goner. So, I promised God that I would try and be a nicer me.
Ryan: And you would never want to go back on a promise, would you, Greenlee?
Greenlee: Being a bitch wasn't really working for me.
Ryan: I don't understand why the doctor hasn't called back yet. Do you think that you could handle going into town on the back of my motorcycle?
Greenlee: No. No, no, no. I don't want to go home. Just -- everyone will be better off without me. Just leave me here and go be happy.
Ryan: Greenlee, you never think of anybody but yourself. This is worse than I thought. Greenlee? Hey, hey, Greenlee? Greenlee? Well -- no, I'm trying to keep her as warm as I possibly can, but she's saying all these nutty things that don't make any sense. Well, at least, not for her. Ok. Ok, just try and get here as soon as you can, ok? Thank you. Oh, I'm going to get you warm. I'm going to get you warm. You -- I got you. Ok.
Ryan: Hey. You scared me. You know that?
Greenlee: Am I saying things again?
Ryan: What year is it?
Greenlee: 2004. Why?
Ryan: Well, the doctor told me to ask you stuff like that to make sure you know where your head is.
Greenlee: It's lying on your shoulder, so, you can call the doctor back and tell him that.
Ryan: You can tell him yourself when he gets here.
Greenlee: No, oh, I don't want to see anyone. Give me the keys to your bike.
Ryan: No, no, no, no, no, no. You lie back. All right, you're not going anywhere. You were in that hole a long time without any food or any heat, and I need to get you checked out.
Greenlee: I'm fine.
Ryan: Well, I never said that you weren't. Now, let me see. Oh, no, open -- open.
Greenlee: What are you doing?
Ryan: Sorry. I'm just trying to see your pupils.
Greenlee: How do they look?
Ryan: They look big.
Greenlee: Can you see my soul?
Greenlee: The eyes are supposed to be the windows to the soul. I never thought I had one. A soul, I mean.
Ryan: Well, you do. I mean, everybody does.
Greenlee: And when we die, do you think we all go to heaven?
Ryan: What's this talk about dying? Greenlee? What is it?
Greenlee: What I did to Kendall -- did I get her sent to prison? Or worse, is she going to die because of me?
Ryan: No. No, she's free. She's free and clear.
Greenlee: Oh. Thank you, God. Thank you.
Kendall: Why do you live out here in the middle of nowhere?
David: I like the solitude.
Kendall: Well, you got bunches of that.
David: So why don't you tell me what it is that'll make us both blush?
Kendall: Thank you.
David: You're welcome. One more thing. If you want to stay, don't try to sell me on what a great prize Ryan is.
Kendall: I'm done with Ryan. I'm -- I swear, I am completely -- I'm through with him. And while we're talking about making deals, please don't try to justify what Greenlee did to me.
David: You got it.
Krystal: Looks like you're having a bad day, Tad. Hope it's downhill from here. I'd love to stay and chat, Simone, but if you're here to arm-wrestle for Tad's affections, you win.
Simone: Excuse me?
Krystal: Take him. He's yours. I wouldn't have him if he were stuffed with $100 bills and dipped in chocolate.
Tad: Finally! What the hell's a guy have to do for him to get his hands on a stupid secret? Come here. It's about time. Finally figure out what the hell Babe has got shoved up her sleeve. It's a betting pool for the Oscars. Oh, I am so hosed.
Simone: Well, you sure as hell aren't Johnny Depp. You want to explain to me how playing mattress tag with Krystal protects your son?
[Jamie peers through the nursery window and imagines Babe holding their child]
Ryan: You really are sorry, aren't you?
Greenlee: For all the difference it'll make to anyone back home.
Ryan: You'd be surprised.
Greenlee: Now who's delusional?
Ryan: Look, why don't you just lay there and take it easy, ok?
Greenlee: You know, when I was in that hole, I had a lot of time to think and sleep. I had these weird dreams, or whatever they were, but when I was really awake, there was no escaping myself and the mess that I've made of my life. The only thing left to do was to cut my losses and go someplace else.
Ryan: "Someplace else." It's kind of funny, because -- because that's where I was heading when I found you in that mineshaft. But you know what they say, that life is what happens when you're trying to make a clean getaway.
[Knock on door]
Man: I'm Ezekiel Strong.
Ryan: Hello, Dr. Strong.
Ryan: Nice to meet you. Come in, thanks.
Ezekiel: Well, what happened to you, little lady?
Greenlee: Short version -- I tripped and fell into a mineshaft and spent the last few days there trapped.
Ezekiel: Not feeling too well, I take it?
Greenlee: No, I feel like I'm talking from the inside of a coffin.
Ezekiel: You were a sight close to it.
Anita: Is one of those the baby that might be yours?
Jamie: No. The one that I care about hasn't arrived yet.
Anita: So, what are you doing here?
Jamie: Imagining what it would feel like to be a dad.
Anita: Look -- all those perfect little miracles.
Jamie: Do you have kids?
Anita: Oh, no, not yet.
Jamie: But you want them?
Anita: Someday, when the time's right.
Jamie: How do you know when that is?
Anita: When you're ready to put another life ahead of your own. I know from my own family kids can be a handful. Both parents have to want to be there, or it's the child that suffers.
Jamie: I want to be there if I turn out to be the father. I'll step up.
Anita: Look. Look at that feisty one with his little fists in the air. He's going to spend some time in the principal's office. Then you see the little cherub next to him? He's going to make this life heaven on earth.
Jamie: What are you, some kind of baby psychic?
Anita: I spent some time in the nurseries in the neonatal units. Babies are born with their own personality, and you can see them from the start.
Jamie: How can you tell if they can't talk?
Anita: Body language, sounds they make, the way they smile or look at you. You know, maybe it's in their genes or the way that God made us, but we're all born with quirks and character traits -- part of the mystery of life.
Jamie: Guess I never really thought about it. I got to get going. It was nice talking to you.
Anita: Hey -- whatever happens, good luck.
Adam: This is not a judgment on you, son. Babe and her mother moved in here bag and baggage and enjoyed what they call the high life. You loved her, tried to make her happy. She spent too much money, disappeared, was unable to account for her whereabouts, got tied up, tripped up by her own lies. But you still loved her. You took her on faith until you found out that she might be pregnant with your brother's child. And all of a sudden you got fed up with all the lies and the deception. There's only so much a man can take, J.R., only so much a man can forgive. I think you've reached that limit.
J.R.: Is that it?
Adam: No, not quite. I want -- I want you to know that regardless of the outcome of these tests today I will be in your corner. I will be in your corner till the day I die. And not just because you're my son, but because you're -- you're a good man. You're a fine man. And I will fight with my final breath to heal this breach between us, especially in the light of what you did for me.
J.R.: What have I ever done for you than give you attitude?
Adam: No. You showed up in court for me when you thought I was in serious trouble. I'll never forget that. So, the sooner we can get this baby business settled, the sooner we can get back to our lives and live them the way they were meant to be lived. I'll -- I'll meet you in Dr. Joe's office.
J.R.: All right.
Tad: Simone, come on. It is perfectly obvious that whatever secret Krystal's hiding from Babe could easily turn around and bite both J.R. and Jamie. On the other hand, if all I want to do is continually make you nuts, then maybe the smart thing for you and I to do is just call it off right now before I send you around the bend for good.
Simone: No. That wouldn't be the smart thing. Or if it is, maybe I'm just not smart enough to know it -- kind of a dumb blonde in a plain brunette wrapper.
Tad: That's stupid.
Simone: Thank you.
Tad: I mean it. There is nothing plain or dumb about you.
Simone: That's sweet. But, hey, you're a man on a mission, and I get that, so do what you got to do for God, country, and your kid, and, you know, when you're good and ready, then come up and see me sometime.
Tad: You're just saying that because you think it's what I want to hear?
Simone: Hear this. I want to wrap you up and ride you to the moon.
Tad: That's just wrong!
Tad: No. This is -- no, just come on. You know, what about the mission, you know?
Simone: Yeah, well, something tells me --
Tad: I can't.
Simone: That the launch sequence --
Tad: Simone --
Simone: Has already been activated.
Tad: Oh, Houston, we have a problem, ok, because, look, I've got to find that piece of paper.
Simone: I'll help.
Simone: Yeah. Well, the sooner we find it, then the sooner we can scrub this mission and Krystal. So where do I start?
Tad: You take the closet, ok? I'm going to go through the armoire.
Simone: Oh. Ok. You know, why would Krystal leave you alone in here with her secrets?
Tad: Because my hunch is she hid it in plain sight, which means it's going to be that much harder to find.
Babe: Damn it, Cramer, you hung up on me!
Paul: Oh, why, did you miss me?
Babe: Like a bad cold. Did you chopper the results back from Canada?
Paul: Oh. You know I did.
Babe: And? Is J.R. my baby's daddy?
Ryan: Open up. Ah, there you go. You're lucky that the owner of this place, whoever owns it, had a good stock of canned goods.
Greenlee: Oh, no more, no more.
Ryan: Ok. Well, now that you got a little food in your stomach, you can have one of these pills that the doctor left you. Here -- take that.
Greenlee: What did he say to you when he walked you outside?
Ryan: He said that you were lucky that I found you when I did and for me to follow his instructions to the letter.
Greenlee: Ryan, you don't have to do this. I can take care of myself. You've got your whole life waiting for you out there. Don't -- don't let me hold you back.
Ryan: Wow -- a Greenlee that actually puts other poor slobs ahead of herself. This is going to take some getting used to, you know.
Greenlee: You weren't there. I was at the bottom of that mineshaft and I looked up and I saw my patch of sky, my only way out, sealed off. All I wanted was just to get out of there, to deserve a second chance. What?
Ryan: This ring.
Greenlee: It's Kendall's. I thought she threw it down that hole to torment me.
Ryan: No. I threw it down that hole, and then I put the rock there so nobody else would get hurt. But I had no idea that you were down there.
David: Well, Kendall, looks like you're actually catching up to me. I've already sworn off any male/female relationships deeper than a teaspoon.
Kendall: Yeah, right. Then the next woman comes along and melts your ice cubes and then you sip her through a straw.
David: Melts my ice cubes?
David: Anyone I know?
Kendall: Yeah, pretty intimately -- my mother.
Kendall: Yeah -- "Erica"? Don't be so surprised. You two have a past together.
David: Yeah, and look how that one played out. Believe me, Erica and I are living proof that there ought to be a law against falling in love.
Kendall: You think maybe -- maybe you and I could fall in love, just for the hell of it?
David: Kendall, the only thing you and I have going for us is that we both care for Bianca.
Kendall: Yeah, but now that she's safe, we're worthless. What good are we? You're in cowhide seclusion and I'm trying to be the reject of the year.
David: Yeah, right. So if Ryan broke through that door right now with his heart on fire and begged you to marry him, what would you do -- toss him down the side of the mountain?
Kendall: I like the part you said about "heart on fire," burnt to a crisp.
Babe: Either the baby's DNA matches J.R.'s or it didn't. And if it didn't, don't you start getting ideas in your head how you could be the father and how you can blackmail me because if it isn't J.R.'s, it's Jamie's.
Paul: What about me? You said it could be mine.
Babe: I lied. I had to do whatever I could to make sure that this baby is J.R.'s no matter what the DNA said. Well, is he a match or did you just fix the report to say that he is?
Paul: You'll find out when your husband does.
Babe: Well, Paul, wait!
Jamie: Can't stand the sight of me? I don't blame you. I've given you all kinds of reasons to hate me -- tailing you, tricking your doctor into giving me privileged info. But the worst was me thinking that just because we connected one night that you grew some real feelings for me.
Babe: Who taught you that?
Jamie: I hooked up with someone. I mean, it was fun, but it wasn't the rest of my life and we're just friends and it's cool.
Jamie: Babe, I want you to know that however the test comes back, you're covered and so is the baby. But you don't have to take me as part of the package. I'll do whatever makes you happy.
Babe: Whoa. This is so not a Chandler moment.
[Babe imagines a happy life with J.R. and their beautiful little boy]
Babe: Let's go say bye to daddy. He's got to go to work!
J.R.: Come here, trip! That a boy! Ah! How's my big kid?
J.R.: How's my little guy? Why don't we all three spend the day together?
Babe: You really mean that?
J.R.: You two are my world.
J.R.: You got to know that, Babe.
[J.R. and Babe giggle]
Babe: It's ok.
J.R.: My world. Unless it was all a lie.
Jamie: Babe, are you ok?
Babe: Yeah, I mean, I'm fine. I'm -- the baby was tickling my ribs. Here. Feel.
Ryan: Greenlee, I had no idea that you were buried right beneath my feet. If I had, I never would've left you -- you have to know that.
Greenlee: It's such a mystery. I can't figure it out. Maybe I shouldn't even try.
Ryan: You mean why it happened?
Greenlee: No, why you came back for me. I -- I -- I was trying to connect with you, I was thinking about you, I -- I even called out your name. And then there you were, tossing in Kendall's ring.
Ryan: And then I sealed you in with that rock.
Greenlee: Yeah, but you -- but you -- you must have heard me. I didn't give up, I just -- I kept calling your name and you came back. You pulled that rock away and you saved my life. You heard me, didn't you, Ryan?
Simone: This woman is a walking fashion disaster. God! Oh, she's number one on Blackwell�s worst-dressed list, that's for sure.
Tad: Simone, just spare me the fashion commentary and just find the damn document.
Simone: Hey! You know, I am not your slave. You know, and come to think of it, I don't know what the hell I am. You know, at first, I was your lover and then, you know, you made it more than clear that we were just bed buddies and then Liza comes along and now this country western number, and what, I get pumped down to sidekick?
Tad: Hey -- no, no -- come here. No, you don't. I just got through telling you --
Simone: Ow! Stop it!
Tad: How much I care about you, ok?
Simone: Let me go!
Tad: I gave you the chance to call it off. You said no, you could handle it. So why are you choosing now to dump on me? What do you want?
Simone: How about some respect? I do not want to be some private dick's doormat!
Jamie: Oh. Amazing -- to think there's a little person in there. And soon, you'll get to meet him or her. What?
Babe: Oh. You're just the only guy that I've ever met that -- that up and admitted he was wrong about anything. That makes you truly one of a kind.
Krystal: Did I miss anything?
Babe: No, Mama. Dr. Joe's not here yet.
Krystal: You ok?
Krystal: Could I have a minute with Babe, Jamie?
Krystal: Ok, you can tell Mama now. Are you really, truly ok?
Babe: I'm really, truly fine. Where you been?
Krystal: Oh. I caught Tad rooting around looking for those annulment papers that you never filed.
Babe: Oh, my God!
Krystal: It's ok, it's ok. I got those papers hidden so good, Sherlock Holmes couldn't even find them. All you got to do is pass that paternity test and you're home free.
Jamie: J.R., Krystal wanted a minute alone with Babe.
J.R.: Save it for someone who cares.
Babe: J.R., I hate it when you're so cold to your brother.
J.R.: Brother? Oh, you mean this guy, the guy that slept with my wife and maybe got her pregnant? That brother?
Adam: J.R., why don't we just get this over with, ok?
J.R.: Yeah, I think so.
Adam: Come on.
Kendall: You know, I'm having a moment of clarity here. This hangover has cleared my mind and given me razor-sharp focus.
David: Hmm. Care to share your moment of enlightenment?
Kendall: I can't love because I can't trust, so I have to find somebody else who doesn't care about trust -- somebody who I don't trust, someone who doesn't trust me -- and then neither one of us cares. I think there's somebody out there who's perfect.
David: Well, the world is full of untrustworthy people. I'm sure you can have your pick.
David: Excuse me?
Kendall: Nobody trusts you, nobody trusts me, so we're a match made in hell. You want to have an affair?
Ryan: You know, sometimes over the past few days, no matter what I was doing, you would just pop into my head. Like out of the clear blue sky, you'd just -- you'd just be there.
Greenlee: Because I was calling you.
Ryan: My God. I heard you. Somehow, I heard you.
Simone: Oh, I must be out of my tree offering to help you in your little passion pit!
Tad: For the last time, it's not about passion, Simone!
Simone: Oh, yeah, uh-huh.
Tad: It's about protecting my family --
Simone: Oh, that's rich!
Tad: Get it through your pretty little head!
Simone: Oh, yeah, and lusting after little miss fried chicken floozy is just business as usual?
Tad: You know, forget it. I don't care. You go ahead and believe whatever you want to believe. The fact is I am on the job!
Simone: Ooh! You are such a bad liar!
[Simone hurls a vase over Tad's head]
[Tad reaches in the shattered vase and extracts the annulment paper]
Tad: You're a genius.
Jamie: Get out of there, Adam.
Joe: Get your hand out of my in-box! Folks, I've kept this with me in case anyone might be tempted to mishandle it. It contains the results of the DNA test. I want to emphasize that the test results are highly reliable, the chances of error infinitesimal.
Adam: For crying out loud, get to the point. Is J.R. the father or not?
>> On the next "All My Children" --
David: You, me, in a heartless affair? I'm game if you are.
Opal: You can just bet your trip to Betty Ford that we got a problem.
Greenlee: Can you still read my mind? Block everything out, just focus on me. What do I really want, Ryan?
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