AMC Transcript Friday 1/23/04

All My Children Transcript Friday 1/23/04

By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Krystal: Ah.

Tad: That's good. That's cute. So, what's next? Boiling oil and whoopee cushions?

Krystal: Well, be ready for anything.

Tad: I thought I was. Excuse me.

[Krystal laughs]

Tad: This is impressive. Who helped you rig this?

Krystal: Oh, honey, I work alone. I've been booby-trapping ever since I could walk.

Tad: I underestimated you.

Krystal: Oh, well, you shouldn't do that, now. Too many men kind of think that if a girl is gifted in the obvious areas that that's the extent of her talent.

Tad: I apologize.

Krystal: Yeah, well, apology not accepted.

Tad: You want me to type it?

Krystal: I want you to swear that you're going to stop messing with Babe�s life or I'm going to ruin yours with one short click.

Babe: You can adios as soon as you do this favor for me.

Paul: I am not hacking into some hospital records just to fix a paternity test for you.

Babe: With my new, improved plan, it's not really even like breaking the law. It's just -- it's more like a little bend.

Paul: Babe, you messed things up when you didn't file our annulment papers.

Babe: And I will regret that till the day I die, but the last thing I need is an "I told you so" from you.

Paul: Give me one single reason why I should do anything for you.

Babe: I'll give you 30 million reasons why.

Jack: Ok, now, you just remember to stay calm, be matter of fact, and most of all, most of all, no high emotions, ok?

Erica: I am not going to mess this up. We have much too much to look forward to, now, don't we?

Jack: Mm-hmm.

Erica: A wedding and a honeymoon.

Jack: Honeymoon, mm-hmm.

Erica: And a fabulous life after that, thanks to you.

Jack: Hmm.

Erica: Yeah, I better go collect my thoughts --

Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you running out on me now?

Erica: Well, if I don't, I'm not going to be able to think of anything but you.

Jack: Oh, wasn't that exactly the right thing to say. You're not going to be long, are you?

Erica: Just a minute.

Jack: Ok.

Reporter: Dr. Hayward --

Second reporter: Doctor --

First Reporter: Do you have any comment?

Jack: What the hell are you doing here?

Bianca: So far it seems like it's going well. It seems like the jury's on Kendall�s side, right?

Reggie: Yeah, well, thanks to this guy, you know, telling them how Kendall�s going to be innocent unless he wouldn't gave her billions of dollars.

Ryan: I only told the truth.

Reggie: Yeah, well, it worked. Look, Kendall�s going to be fine, ok? Well, I'm about to go to the vending machines. Are you craving anything in particular or anything?

Ryan: Uh, well, I am. How about some -- I don't know -- chocolate and nuts?

Reggie: All right, I�m on it.

Bianca: I'm ok.

Reggie: You sure?

Bianca: Yeah, thanks.

Reggie: Ok.

Ryan: Nobody can tell.

Bianca: For a second, I thought that Reggie --

Ryan: Reggie is as clueless as everybody else. Nobody thinks you're pregnant. Everybody is sure that Kendall is.

Kendall: Stay away from me.

Greenlee: I thought pregnant women loved attention.

Mia: Yeah, we just want to feel the baby.

Simone: Is that such a bad idea?

Kendall: Well, you have to touch me to feel him.

Greenlee: Him? You're having a boy?

Kendall: It's none of your business.

Mia: You know, you're on murder trial right now. A lot hinges on your pregnancy.

Simone: Yeah, so maybe this isn't such a good idea.

Kendall: You know what? I don't need this, ok, not on the first day of my trial.

Greenlee: Well, it could help your case if we're behind you.

Mia: Backing you up as the mother-to-be.

Kendall: Well, fine. Then throw me a baby shower. Then I�ll let you rub my belly for good luck.

Simone: Yeah, come on, guys. Let's rethink this.

Kendall: Look, just get out of my way, please.

Greenlee: Kendall, I -- you know, I got to hand it to you. You've got an amazing figure for a woman with a baby onboard.

Kendall: Well, thanks. I eat right.

Greenlee: You haven't gained an ounce anywhere except for where you're carrying whatever it is that you're carrying.

Kendall: I told you I�m hoping for a boy.

Greenlee: Too bad you're going to deliver polyester fiberfill.

Kendall: Get out of my way.

Greenlee: I want proof that you're pregnant.

Kendall: Fine. Then talk to the court. I already proved it to them.

Greenlee: I'm not as easily fooled.

[Door opens]

Kendall: Oh, finally, someone to save me from you wack jobs.

[Greenlee chuckles]

Greenlee: Want to bet?

Erica: What am I interrupting?

Kendall: I'm about to scream the place down. They won't let me out of here.

Greenlee: We simply want to share in Kendall�s happy event.

Kendall: Hey!

Erica: Do you really think that a courthouse is the right place to hold someone against her will?

Simone: Exactly. I was beginning to get flashes of an Afterschool Special -- girl gangs and reform school.

Kendall: Yeah, well, in this case, you'll go to prison. I will press charges.

Greenlee: You're making way too much of this, which proves me right.

Mia: You see, we think that Kendall is with pillow instead of with child, and we want proof, now.

Erica: Well, I don't want any part of this.

Greenlee: Ryan handed her Fusion and Enchantment because he accepts her word on this. We're not nearly as trusting.

Simone: Yeah, you know what? I'm with Erica. I don't want to be included in this, either.

Greenlee: Erica, if this pregnancy is bogus, you could have your company back.

Kendall: No. I will not be pawed. Would you want to submit to a body search if you were in my place?

Erica: Well, I seem to remember that when I was pregnant with Bianca, I never minded if a friend put her hand on my stomach.

Kendall: Yeah, well, I don't see any friends in this room.

Erica: They have a point, Kendall.

Kendall: No, I will not be pawed.

Erica: Well, that just proves that Greenlee is right. You're faking this pregnancy.

Jack: You know, I've got a great idea. Why don't you just turn around and leave?

David: As a taxpayer, I own part of this building.

Jack: Hayward, you are not needed here.

David: I'm here for moral support.

Jack: Well, now, you'd have to have morals for that, wouldn't you?

David: What is Erica going to say on the witness stand?

Jack: Wait -- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Now, you agreed to go along with this. Erica's going to do what she has to do, and if you try to stop her, next thing you know, my friend, you may find yourself on trial.

Livia: Has anybody seen my client?

Bianca: Kendall's missing?

Kendall: Well, congratulations, Greenlee. Not everyone can manipulate the mighty Erica Kane.

Erica: No one manipulates me.

Greenlee: Don't distract us, Kendall.

Kendall: But you and my mother joining ranks -- that's -- that's great. The wedding wrecker and the wreckee. Don't you think that's a miracle?

Mia: The miracle's going to be if you're really pregnant.

Simone: You know, I think we should leave.

Greenlee: Not yet.

Simone: Look, we asked. Kendall refused. Forcing her is not the way to go.

Mia: Oh, she's made it the only way.

Kendall: Miracle number two -- Simone is the voice of reason for a change. You should listen to her.

Greenlee: And let you continue this baby charade?

Erica: Look, Kendall, why don't you make it easy on yourself? Why don't you just give us some proof?

Greenlee: Look on the bright side. We prefer to think of you as some greedy, power-mad liar. Someone who would actually have Michael Cambias' child is a hundred times worse.

Erica: And none of us wants to believe that.

Mia: You know, faking the baby does make sense, but doing the deed with Michael -- it's way too gross, even for you.

Kendall: Even if I did let you touch the baby, how do I know you won't lie to everyone and tell them I'm faking it?

Simone: Kendall, why would they do that?

Kendall: To cause me more grief. I'm the demon who used a rapist to get what I want -- money, power, security. Greenlee hates me for taking Fusion from her.

Mia: We just want the truth.

Kendall: I don't trust you any more than you trust me.

Erica: Well, what about me? Would -- would you trust me? I mean, if I feel the baby, would you trust me to tell the truth?

Kendall: Well, I'd like to be able to.

Erica: Well, then why don't you just put an end to everyone's doubts right now?

Kendall: All right. Ok, fine. Come here. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not up for a group grope.

Greenlee: I'll check it out.

Kendall: Oh, yeah, like I�d let you lay a hand on me.

Erica: Let me do the honors -- unless you won't take my word for it.

Mia: Well, it's ok by me. Greenlee?

Greenlee: Be my guest.

Kendall: Ok, mother. You want to feel Michael�s child? Go right ahead.

Greenlee: Well? I was right, wasn't I? She's not pregnant.

Erica: How could you? Part of me wanted to believe that this just wasn't possible, that even you couldn't be this low and this vile. She's carrying that monster's baby.

Kendall: See? You satisfied? I'm the satanic slut that you thought I was. Isn't that great? Now everybody can go back to thinking the absolute worst of me. So why don't you --

Ryan: So why don't you move along and demonize another pregnant woman, preferably one that doesn't have a murder trial to worry about?

Greenlee: This was all her doing.

Kendall: Oh, right. I wasn't getting enough abuse, so I just begged you to heap it on.

Livia: Kendall, good -- pardon us, people. We have a judge and a jury waiting.

Kendall: Well, thanks for the entertainment, the love and the support.

Erica: Well, I guess we got what we wanted, even though it wasn't what we wanted to hear.

Mia: Oh, God. How could this be, huh? How?

Simone: Kendall's really pregnant.

Mia: Oh, God. I feel ill. I'm leaving.

Simone: Yeah, I'm with you. Greenlee?

Greenlee: Thanks, but I'm going to stick around.

[Door closes]

Greenlee: Can I explain?

Ryan: Explain how you continue to hammer Kendall over and over again? I know it by heart.

Greenlee: I've lost my company and a woman who used to be one of my few friends. Please, Ryan. I can't lose you, too.

Jack: Great work, Livia.

Livia: Thanks, but we have some damning testimony coming up that could really hurt us.

Jack: Yeah, it could. On the other hand, sometimes a gift falls into your lap when you least expect it.

Alan: So, the fibers found in the duffle bag came from one of Kendall Hart�s dresses. Did this dress have any particular importance?

Man: Ms. Hart was --

Livia: Objection, Your Honor. We would prefer that Ms. Hart be referred to by her legal name, Mrs. Cambias.

Judge: So ordered. Continue, Mr. Singer.

Alan: Detective Tanner, you were saying about Mrs. Cambias' dress?

Det. Tanner: It was the dress she was seen wearing the night Mr. Cambias disappeared.

Alan: Your Honor, we ask these photos be entered into evidence as Exhibits 19 and 20.

Judge: So ordered.

Alan: Now, Detective Tanner, did you find anything else in the duffle bag?

Det. Tanner: Traces of Michael Cambias' blood.

Alan: You're sure it was his?

Det. Tanner: It was an exact match with Cambias'.

Alan: Exact, you say?

Livia: Your Honor, we all understand the meaning of the term "exact," and we can see that the blood is Michael Cambias'.

Judge: Move on, Mr. Singer.

Alan: Is that all that was in the bag?

Det. Tanner: No, sir. There was also a revolver, .38 caliber.

Alan: And that is the same caliber as the murder weapon?

Det. Tanner: Yes. Michael Cambias was shot with a .38.

Alan: Can you tell us who owns the weapon you recovered?

Det. Tanner: It's registered to Jackson Montgomery.

[Gallery murmurs]

Livia: Very impressive photos. And you say that these fibers recovered from the duffle bag are an exact match of these fibers which are from Mrs. Cambias' dress.

Det. Tanner: That was our conclusion.

Livia: But this is barely visible to the naked eye. I mean, wasn't there a hunk of her dress torn off?

Det. Tanner: No, ma'am, there was not.

Livia: Well, was Mrs. Cambias ever in her husband's condominium?

Det. Tanner: Of course she was.

Livia: How many times?

Det. Tanner: I -- I couldn't say.

Livia: Well, they were involved long before they were married. Is it possible that it was 100 times, 1,000 times?

Det. Tanner: I don't know.

Livia: You don't know. Well, could you tell us about the duffle bag itself? Who did it belong to?

Det. Tanner: We concluded that it was Mr. Cambias'.

Livia: You know, I frequently take my laundry to the cleaners in a pillow case. What do you use, Detective Tanner?

Alan: Objection.

Judge: Sustained.

Livia: What did Mr. and Mrs. Cambias use the duffle bag for?

Det. Tanner: I don't know.

Livia: Could laundry have been carried in it?

Det. Tanner: It could be.

Livia: And if Mrs. Cambias' dress needed to go to the cleaners and it was placed in the duffle bag, would fibers possibly have been left behind?

Det. Tanner: It's possible, but that --

Livia: Yes or no, Detective.

Det. Tanner: Yes, it is possible.

Livia: You say you found blood in the duffle bag. A large quantity of blood, a quantity consistent with the wounds sustained by Michael Cambias at the time of his death?

Det. Tanner: We found traces.

Livia: Traces? What, a smear, a few drops?

Det. Tanner: Several drops, yes.

Livia: And you concluded that those drops were from a spatter or they fell from a wound?

Det. Tanner: It was impossible to say.

Livia: Oh. So it could've been from a cut, say a paper cut?

Det. Tanner: It's possible.

Livia: Can you identify the person who dropped that duffle bag in the river?

Det. Tanner: No, I cannot.

Livia: I have nothing further, Your Honor.

Judge: Redirect, Mr. Singer?

Alan: No, Your Honor.

Judge: You may step down. Mr. Singer, are you prepared to call your next witness?

Alan: Yes, Your Honor. The Commonwealth calls Erica Kane to the stand.

[Gallery buzzes]

Bailiff: Raise your right hand. Left hand on the bible. Do you solemnly swear or affirm the testimony that you're about to give to this court is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?

Erica: I do.

Bailiff: State your full name to the court.

Erica: Erica Kane.

Alan: Ms. Kane, are you related to the defendant, Kendall Hart Cambias?

Erica: She's my daughter.

Paul: What the hell is with this "30 million reasons" routine?

Babe: It's what you're trying to wring out of Aunt Betsy -- well, unless, of course, she finds out about our one-night marriage.

Paul: Who told you that?

Babe: Well, see, TV is my greatest vice. I really can't resist. So I�m sitting there, and I'm watching VH1, and this show comes on -- "America�s filthy, undeserving rich."

Paul: Let me guess --

Babe: And there was Betsy Cramer, as big and unpleasant as life itself. You lied to me.

Paul: Ok, so she's loaded. That doesn't mean that I�m going to inherit her --

Babe: Will you just stop it? You stand to inherit trump money if I keep my mouth shut.

Paul: You know, it might not even matter anymore, ok? The old bag might even give her money to someone else.

Babe: And if she finds out about our marriage, that "might" becomes a "definitely." You want to risk it?

Paul: What are you after?

Babe: Not a slice of your inheritance pie, so just chill out. There's this new paternity test.

Paul: Wake up -- I�m a pilot for a MedEvac chopper.

Babe: Would you just listen? Ok, it's a state-of-the-art blood test, and it's only done in a couple of labs in the United States and over North America.

Paul: And you want me to take you to one?

Babe: I want you to fly up to Canada and pick up the results before they're delivered here.

Paul: And then what? And then I give them to you?

Babe: No, you make sure the papers say what they need to say, and then --

Paul: No, you're -- you're trying to get me to rig your paternity test?

Babe: I want you to help me stay with the man that I love, and if it means making a couple of changes on a piece of paper, if that's going to make everyone happy, then so be it.

Paul: Everyone is you.

Babe: Me and my real husband and our baby.

Paul: Or somebody's baby.

Babe: Lucky for you I can use my cell phone out here, because I would really hate to break any hospital rules while screwing you out of $30 million. Let's see -- should I call Aunt Dorian as a warmup to Aunt Betsy, or should I just call the old money bags directly?

Tad: Well, don't just hover there. Go ahead, do it. Hit the key. Delete the whole damn thing. I don't care. Better yet -- I tell you, why don't you just pick it up and shake it like a maraca? I could use the thrill. Either way, it's not going to stop me.

Krystal: Oh, I'm not going to delete anything. I am going to send me an email.

Tad: [Mocking Krystal] An email! [Normal voice] What, a chain letter, just to see if 10 saps will forward it to their friends, make somebody a bit lucky?

Krystal: Yeah, well, if I send this one, a lot of people are going to get lucky, and they're all going to be named Thaddeus Martin.

Tad: Yeah, well, that'd be a neat trick considering there's maybe a couple of us on the entire planet.

Krystal: Yeah, well, get ready -- you're going to have some company. I'm going to post your full name, your address, your social security number, your phone number, and your mother's maiden name.

Tad: How the hell would you know my mother's maiden name? Jeez --

Krystal: Hey --

Tad: That's not funny. Ok, that's not -- there's a law against breaking and entering, you know.

Krystal: Yeah, well, you deserve identity theft hell for torturing Babe.

Tad: "Torturing Babe"? What about my sons, ok? What about J.R. and Jamie? It doesn't matter. Look, Krystal, I -- I got to admit, I appreciate your creativity, I really do, but all this does is prove to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that Babe�s got some kind of secret that's a lot more dangerous than anything I�ve stumbled across.

Krystal: You know, my second mistake was letting you know that Babe�s real name was Arabella, and my first mistake was thinking that you were some kind of righteous guy!

Tad: I am a righteous guy. Look, I want her to be happy. I want her to stay with J.R. for the rest of her life.

Krystal: You sure have a funny way of showing that!

Tad: If you would just be honest with me, I wouldn't have to dig up anything.

Krystal: Why should I play "True Confessions" with you? This is Babe�s business.

Tad: If she hasn't done anything wrong, then what does she have to hide?

Krystal: My Babe has never done one really bad thing in her life. Yeah, sure, she's smart. Yeah, she uses what God gave her and what I taught her, and I'm proud of her for that.

Tad: I didn't say you shouldn't be.

Krystal: Well, I've seen the looks of all these people in this town, being judgmental. I am not going to let you give them any more ammunition.

Tad: Krystal, that's not what I�m doing.

Krystal: Oh, come on. And I can play detective just as good as you can. I bet you I can come up with a few dozen women who would be happy to get you in a room and slap you down memory lane.

Tad: Ok, look, just -- I'll make you a deal, all right? I'll make you a deal. I will stop looking into your daughter's past the day that you are completely, 100% honest with me.

Krystal: I don't think you're in a position to bargain, Tad, so just get ready for Tad Martin, the cloning, part one.

[Tad chuckles]

Tad: Yeah, you can suck on that.

Krystal: Huh-huh. Well, that buys you about 10 minutes until I can get to that next computer in the other room --

Tad: Hey --

Krystal: And I'll do it!

Tad: Enough! Come here, all right? Wait a minute. The booby-trap was one thing. This is not. It's not cute. It's not funny. It's not remotely attractive.

Krystal: If you don't like what I�m doing, good! Get a taste of what I'm feeling!

Tad: In spite of everything that you are --

Krystal: I'm an easy mark, some dumb hick who's not going to stand up for my own daughter? You make me sick.

Simone: Wow. Whew! As you would say, "I�ll just pretend that I�m carrying a white flag and carry on." Please, go on.

Tad: Simone, I'm sorry. I'm kind of busy.

Simone: Yeah. Well, you obviously are going at it. Is there anything I can get you before I go? Maybe an energy bar or a Band-Aid?

Krystal: You can drop by later and help him clean up.

Simone: Oh, that would be my pleasure. Oh, and let me remind you -- you were at "you make me sick!" Have fun.

[Door closes]

Krystal: That woman is about as subtle as a sumo wrestler. Is that your type -- the type you like to do and ditch, huh?

Tad: None of your business. Why don't we just stay on the subject.

Krystal: Oh, this is the subject. You're so wrapped up in Babe and Jamie�s love life because yours is so pathetic!

Tad: Oh, well, that's rich. All this and more from a trucker's pinup girl.

Krystal: Oh, listen, any man I go after is a real man. You're all attached to this kid bimbo because you can't deal with a woman who's your equal.

Liza: Sit down, join me.

Mia: Could you make that a double? Ok, now why order a Bloody Mary and let the tomato juice delay the buzz?

Liza: Well, whatever it is, it can't be that bad.

Mia: We know for sure that Kendall is pregnant.

Liza: That's not news.

Mia: No. The news flash is that Aidan could be the father.

Alan: Ms. Kane, where did Mr. Montgomery keep his gun?

Erica: In his safe.

Alan: And do you have the combination to the safe?

Erica: Yes. Yes.

Alan: Who else has the combination?

Erica: Well, I can't really say for sure.

Alan: Didn't you tell police that Mrs. Cambias had the combination?

Erica: Your Honor, I really -- I must confess -- some of what I told the police wasn't exactly true.

[Gallery buzzes]

Alan: You said that you had given the combination of Mr. Montgomery's safe to your daughter, Kendall Hart Cambias. Is that true?

Erica: Yes, yes, it is.

Alan: So, Mrs. Cambias had the combination and access to Mr. Montgomery's safe prior to her husband's murder?

Erica: Yes, she did.

Alan: No further questions.

Livia: Ms. Kane, I can't resist. What did you tell the police that wasn't exactly true?

Alan: I object, Your Honor. Relevance.

Livia: Your Honor, aren't the lies told to the police of relevance to us all?

Judge: Answer the question, Ms. Kane.

Erica: This is just completely embarrassing. Mr. McCoy, I�m so sorry if I misled you and Derek -- Chief Frye. But I was under just so much pressure, and I was scared. We all were. I mean, I had the combination to Jack�s safe, and the gun was missing, and Michael Cambias was dead. And everyone knew how much I hated him. So I told the police that I was in bed with Dr. David Hayward --

[Gallery gasps]

Erica: The night that Michael Cambias supposedly was murdered. I needed an alibi, so I lied. I didn't have an alibi. Please -- please don't hold this against me. Please.

[Gallery buzzes]

[Judge pounds gavel]

Judge: Order.

Order. Continue, Ms. Frye.

Livia: So, Ms. Kane, you are telling this court that neither you nor Dr. Hayward had an alibi for the night Michael Cambias was allegedly murdered?

Alan: Objection. This has no bearing on the case against Kendall Cambias.

Judge: Overruled.

Livia: I have nothing further, Your Honor.

Judge: Mr. Singer, redirect?

Alan: Not at this time, Your Honor.

Judge: You may step down, Ms. Kane.

Erica: Your Honor, I am terribly sorry for any trouble I may have caused. I just wasn't thinking. And the police -- they were just so terrifying, and they clearly wanted to blame someone for Michael Cambias' murder, and I just -- I was in a panic.

Judge: That will be all, Ms. Kane. Jurors, you will disregard the last part of Ms. Kane's statement. This court will take a brief recess. Bailiff, please escort the jurors out.

[Judge pounds gavel]

Bailiff: All rise!

Erica: Warned you not to cross me, McCoy.

Kendall: Thank you, Mother.

Ryan: So you're finished with Kendall, you're going to leave her alone?

Greenlee: What else can I do? She's knocked up.

Ryan: Well, that didn't stop you from hassling her before.

Greenlee: Erica felt the little devil child. What choice do I have? I mean, there goes my mission in life -- proving that Kendall�s faking so I can get Fusion back. Kept my mind off Pablo.

Ryan: Well, before you know it, you'll find a new project to latch on to.

Greenlee: Maybe I'll just haunt courtrooms, watch trials.

Ryan: Why, are you thinking of following Jackson�s footsteps?

Greenlee: Guess weirder things have happened. Me cross-examining witnesses?

Ryan: They wouldn't stand a chance.

Greenlee: What about your testimony, Mr. Lavery? Was it the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Ryan: That is what I swore to tell.

Greenlee: So you do love Kendall.

Ryan: God help me.

Greenlee: Hmm, He better.

Ryan: Well, I didn't expect you to approve.

Greenlee: I don't have to, but I do want you to be happy.

Ryan: Just not with Kendall.

Greenlee: Whatever's gone down with Kendall and me, I'll always be your friend, Ryan.

Ryan: I appreciate that.

Greenlee: And as your friend, I can honestly say that I can't see you and Kendall having much of a future together.

Ryan: I'll try to prove you wrong.

Greenlee: She's pregnant by Cambias and on trial for his murder, for God�s sake.

Ryan: It's not going to be easy, but we're going to find a way to figure it out.

Greenlee: Well, I guess that's all any of us can do -- find a way to be as happy as we can be.

Liza: I am so sorry about you and Aidan.

Mia: What about me and Aidan?

Liza: Well, that it's ending this way.

Mia: Ending? No. Uh-uh. I'm not like you, Liza. I'm not going to let that lowlife bitch steal my man.

Tad: You met Brooke English. You know Liza Colby. You mean to say you don't think they're my equal?

Krystal: You know what? They are pretty together. My guess is they kicked you to the curb.

Tad: You know, you are so determined to make me the bad guy. You have no idea how hilarious this is.

Krystal: Oh, really? Then how come you're spitting sparks instead of laughing?

Tad: Because, personally, I don't think it's very funny that your daughter's hanging on to a secret that could tear my family apart. So I�ll tell you what, Krystal Carey -- you go ahead and do anything you have to because I�m not going to let that happen.

Krystal: You know what? If you would just butt out, everything would be just peachy!

Tad: I'll butt out the day you show me proof positive that Babe�s defused the H-bomb she's got stashed in her closet!

Krystal: There is no secret, ok? So why don't you just back off, or I�m going to do something you're going to regret.

Tad: Oh, you're going to do something? Ellie Mae, you're no match for me.

Krystal: Oh, you are in for one humongous, unpleasant surprise, Mr. Martin.

Tad: What are you going to do? Call up one of your boyfriends, huh? One of your real men that sucks down steaks and chews on nachos and trims his fingernails with a chain saw? Doesn't scare me any more than you do.

Krystal: I don't have to hide behind any man.

Tad: You'd better come up with something, because if you cross swords with me, you won't stand a chance.

Krystal: Oh. Oh, you are on my list, let me tell you, and that is going to be one uncomfortable place to be. You are going to regret this.

Tad: I'll tell you what -- you take my name, you put it right at the top of that list, and then you underline it.

Krystal: Oh, you are asking for it.

Tad: Bring it on.

Liza: What do you mean, you're not like me?

Mia: Oh, my God. You know what I mean -- with Tad.

Liza: What with Tad?

Mia: You know, you want him, but anytime he's around another woman, it's like you wilt into nothingness and you just creep away.

Liza: Wait -- I don't creep.

Mia: Yeah, you do.

Liza: That's ridiculous.

Mia: You -- anytime that Tad is within 20 feet of Simone or Krystal, it's "Goodbye, Liza." Everybody's seen it -- me, Marian, everybody.

Liza: What do you mean, you and Marian? What are you doing? Are you dishing me behind my back?

Mia: Well, yes, we are, ok? What else is family for?

Liza: It's, maybe, to be supportive.

Mia: Oh -- to let you know when you're screwing up your life.

Liza: I'm not screwing up my life. I'm not screwing up --

Mia: You're sitting on the sidelines!

Liza: Oh.

Mia: Damn it, do you want to be alone? Is that what you want?

Liza: No, of course I don't want to be alone. I want someone to share my life with.

Mia: Oh, "someone"? Someone, just some guy.

Liza: Tad. Tad, I -- yeah, I want -- well, you -- are you happy? I -- I want -- I want Tad -- every hysterical, exasperating inch of him.

Mia: Good. So what are you doing? Go after him!

Liza: Go after him? What am I going to do, go tie him up and just drag him home? It takes two people to have a relationship, Mia.

Mia: You and Tad -- you guys were an item when you guys were kids. You were. And even more recently, there's been action. You know there has been. You two shake -- you two shake each other up in a good way, like me and Aidan. I am not going to sit around and hand the life that I deserve to some other woman. I'm just not going to do that, and neither should you.

Singer: Every day a shade of blue you won't believe what I�m going through it just feels like I can't afford to let myself go no oh, no everyone is just the same they touch me but I can't say there has been no one brighter than you I can't deny these things that I do feels like the world's at stake 'cause I have been waiting I have been waiting for you heavenly that's what you are you burn in me like a shining star how am I supposed to be that king without you? Oh, oh, oh it's true, yeah everyone is just the same they love me but I can't say there has been no one brighter than you I can't deny these things that I do feels like the world's at stake 'cause

Krystal: Wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Singer: I have been waiting I have been waiting for you

Krystal: Ok.

Paul: So you're going to call my Aunt Dorian.

Babe: Unless you see to it to doing the right thing.

Paul: What are you waiting for? Call her. Of course, you know, you tell her that you and I got married, and I get to tell J.R. that you never got it annulled. It'll be just as bad for you as it is for me, if not worse.

Babe: Oh, you think so?

Paul: J.R.�s a pretty volatile guy, and you told him we were done.

Babe: We are.

Paul: You should've gotten those papers filed.

Babe: Speaking of papers, why don't we talk about these paternity test papers?

Paul: Put the phone away, all right? We both know you can't blow me out of the water without taking you down with me.

Babe: I need this fixed, Paul.

Paul: It's too risky. Play the odds. There is a chance it's J.R.�s baby, right? You told me that he's probably the father. Damn it, Babe, did you lie about this, too?

Greenlee: What else is there to say except good luck, Ryan. I hope you get everything you want.

Ryan: Well, I'm glad we can still be friends.

Greenlee: You going back into court?

Ryan: Yeah. Come on.

Greenlee: No, not me. Kendall wouldn't want me in there, not right now.

Ryan: Well, maybe you can use the extra time to find a new project.

Greenlee: Hmm.

[Door closes]

Greenlee: I'll find something, all right.

Erica: I was just making good on my word. Maybe you can learn something from this.

Kendall: Yeah.

Bianca: Mom, you shouldn't have done that.

Reggie: Next time, I think you should just take the Fifth.

Jack: You were absolutely wonderful, and that jury was completely sympathetic.

Erica: They were, weren't they?

Jack: Yes, they were.

Erica: Poor terrified me. I needed an alibi, and the police were just scary.

Reggie: Now the world knows you're not knocking boots with Dr. Haywire over there.

Bianca: You know, the judge told the jury to disregard everything you said about being terrified that the police were going to try to pin Michael�s murder on you.

Jack: It doesn't matter. Once a jury hears a thing like that, it sticks, believe me.

David: This better not come back to bite me in the backside.

Jack: Well, you know what, David? If you're innocent, you shouldn't have anything to worry about.

Bianca: Will this save Kendall?

Jack: It will help, believe me.

Ryan: So wait a minute -- Erica pointed her finger at herself to take the heat off of you?

Kendall: Yeah, yeah. I couldn't believe it. And then before with Greenlee and the Fusionites, she helped me with them, too -- unless -- unless she felt this thing and actually thought it was for real.

Ryan: Hey. Hey, would I buy you a cheap pregnancy pillow? I spring for the best, all right?

Kendall: Yeah, well, my compliments to Miss Philly�s Baby Shop.

Ryan: I'll pass it along.

Kendall: So, where's Greenlee? Did she decide to torment someone else the rest of the afternoon?

Ryan: It's like you won the lottery. Greenlee's not going to bother you ever again.

[Greenlee lets herself into Kendall�s condo and starts looking around.]

Greenlee: Let the treasure hunt begin. Where are the prenatal vitamins? The same place as the baby clothes and the toys Kendall couldn't resist buying -- no place. Datebook. Yes. Let's see. October -- nothing. Nothing in November or December or even this month -- not a single Ob-Gyn appointment. Kendall's no more pregnant than I am. Not one sign of �

Krystal: Oh, God!

Liza: Tad? Tad?

Paul: Babe, how many other guys have you been sleeping with?

Babe: Just one.

Paul: Oh, yeah. Forget it -- you're on your own on this one.

Babe: Wait, wait, wait. Please, Paul, you can't go!

Paul: Get this -- I don't give a damn whose kid you're having, ok?

Babe: You know what? Get this -- you're going to give a damn if you find out the baby is yours.

Alan: Do you recognize this gun, Mr. Montgomery?

Jack: Looks like one I own.

Alan: It is, in fact, registered to you.

Jack: Well, then, I guess, in fact, it is my gun.

Alan: Where did you keep this gun?

Jack: In my apartment in a locked safe.

Alan: And when was the last time you used this gun?

Jack: I don't recall.

Alan: Do you know where this gun was found?

Jack: According to the police, it was found in a duffle bag that they fished out of the river.

Alan: And do you have any idea how the gun got there?

Jack: No, none at all. That gun was stolen from me. It was taken from my safe.

Alan: Hmm. When did you notice the gun was missing?

Jack: I don't remember.

Alan: And who had the combination to that safe?

Jack: Well, I did, of course, and Ms. Kane as well. But I didn't give the combination to anyone else.

Alan: But you heard Ms. Kane testify that she gave the combination to the defendant, Kendall Cambias.

Jack: Yes, I heard that.

Alan: I want you to try to remember when you discovered the gun wasn't where you thought it was. Did you have an occasion to open the safe prior to or on the night of August 28?

Jack: The night Michael Cambias was supposedly shot?

Alan: That is correct.

Jack: Well, it couldn't have been that night. I went nowhere near my safe, nor did I use my gun. I used a .38 I took from the police evidence room instead.

[Gallery reacts]

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Greenlee: I need the number for Miss Philly�s Baby Shop.

Babe: If you will just relax and do things my way, we could both get what we want.

Kendall: You're not going to confess to Michael�s murder, are you?

Tad: What exactly is it you want?

Liza: I want you.

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