AMC Transcript Monday 12/29/03

All My Children Transcript Monday 12/29/03

By Boo
Proofread by Gisele

J.R.: You're going to lose a lot more than a paternity case, Jamie.

Jamie: I just want to be a father to my kid.

J.R.: You want my wife! Take this paternity case to court and you're dead to me, Jamie.

[Door closes]

Brooke: What in God's name is going on in here?

J.R.: Your son's going after my wife and baby! I told him he can go for it. And then he can go to hell.

[Tad listens outside the open bedroom door]

Krystal: Oh, come on, baby doll, tell me this isn't as bad as you're making it sound.

Babe: No. This is really awful and big.

Krystal: What could be bigger than half the town playing guess who's the daddy of your baby?

Krystal: What's this?

Babe: Pretty much my death sentence if it gets out.

Krystal: Oh, baby doll. You have really gone and done it this time, haven't you?

Kendall: Look, Aidan, I understand why you're all bent out of shape, ok? I know it hurt you when Ryan and I hooked up.

Aidan: Ryan thinks he's God's gift to women. Boyd thinks he's some kind of superagent. These are not the men that you should trust, Kendall.

Kendall: But Ryan swore to me that he's on my side. He said he was doing everything he could to help me.

Aidan: Really? That's why he went racing out of here with Greenlee, is it? You know what? Fine. I'm out of here.

Kendall: I'm sorry it bothers you so much.

Aidan: What, that you're signing on for life in prison? I do find that a waste of time, yes.

Kendall: No, I'm sorry that you walked in after Ryan and I made love.

Aidan: Look, stop apologizing to me. I wasn't the one that just got left. You are.

Greenlee: You've kidnapped the wrong American citizen! I pay a fortune in taxes. I practically own our nation's capital! I won't let you get away with this. Anyway, I can't even help you. I don't even know where Pablo is. This is going to go way beyond an international incident! Oh, please! You. You?

Ryan: Yeah, you don't make it easy, but I'm keeping you safe, Greenlee. You can thank me now. You're not taking this very well.

Greenlee: Unless you want to be charged with kidnapping, get out of my way.

Ryan: I'm not letting you go to the Pine Cone, Greenlee.

Greenlee: I am meeting Pablo there at 4:00 whether you like it or not.

Ryan: Oh, no, you are not. Oh! Ow! Ow! That is it. No more Mr. Nice Guy!

Greenlee: Put me down! Put me down! I swear --

Ryan: No, time for plan B!

Kendall: You know, I just realized, you're not worried about me going to jail. You don't want me with Ryan.

Aidan: I just want what's best for you, Kendall.

Kendall: Oh, and what would that be, you?

Aidan: Well, it's not Ryan Lavery.

Kendall: You know, this is the second time that you said Ryan and I are a big mistake. It's low, Aidan.

Aidan: You know what? Low is walking from your bed to the door and then out of it with Greenlee.

Kendall: Well, I'm sure Ryan had a good reason.

Aidan: Oh, yeah? What is that?

Kendall: Well, I don't know exactly.

Aidan: Would you care to guess? I thought as much. See, chances are Ryan is just being Ryan. But if you're cool with that, well, then Ryan is a lucky guy.

Kendall: But who the hell are you to judge me? You blew me off.

Aidan: I am not judging you, Kendall.

Kendall: Like hell you're not! Need I remind you, you said you didn't think I was worth the effort.

Aidan: I never said that. Or maybe I'm just not as evolved as you because I have trouble overlooking the small things, like someone I care about sleeping with somebody else. You know what? It's your life and you can do with it what you want, because I don't have to tell you that it's ok, because it's not and it wasn't!

Kendall: Well, for the record -- for the record, you should know that I did love you.

Aidan: Well, your kind of love I can do without.

[Door slams]

Aidan: Oh, man.

Krystal: Ok, who all knows you still have this?

Babe: Just me and -- and now you. Not that it even changes anything.

Krystal: Ok, wait a second. Now, why -- why do you still have this? Why didn't you send this in? And why, in the name of sweet heaven, do you have it in the room you're sharing with your husband?

Babe: I don't know.

Krystal: Oh, come on, Babe. What happened to all those years of training? You're a smart girl. I thought you were paying attention.

Babe: I was. I don't know. Maybe it's still here because I wanted to pretend that it didn't exist or -- that none of this ever even happened.

Krystal: Oh, this is just keeping it alive, honey, not killing it -- not that you could even do that in the first place.

Babe: Well, just seems like it pretty much evaporated for me. And then I met J.R., and -- and I fell for him.

Krystal: And so you just didn't even care about fixing it.

Tad: Why? Tell me why.

Babe: I couldn't risk it. When I found out that J.R.'s daddy had these private detectives digging up dirt on me, I was this close to confessing. But then I thought, "What the hell? I'll just let the chips fall and hopefully I can dodge them."

Krystal: So you're saying Adam's private eyes missed this?

Babe: I thought I was in the clear, and I would have been if Jamie would have dropped this whole paternity thing.

Krystal: Boy, I tell you what, that boy's as stubborn as he is handsome.

Babe: Mama, when this hits the fan, I am going to lose J.R. He's going to turn against me. Oh, God. J.R.'s my whole life, and when he finds out about this, he is going to hate me.

Krystal: Oh, honey, do you think I'm going to let that happen? You listen to me. As long as your mama has a breath in her, everything is going to be just fine.

Greenlee: You can't do this to me, Ryan.

Ryan: I just did, so you can relax.

Greenlee: In this position? As if.

Ryan: Well, you're not going to be here very long, Greenlee. Just until Pablo gets tired of waiting for you at the Pine Cone and takes off.

Greenlee: Let me go, Ryan. I'll be careful.

Ryan: Forget it, Greenlee. I'm not ready to let you go to Leo on the other side, all right, because you're staying exactly where you are.

Greenlee: You're saving me from myself?

Ryan: Oh -- I'm just protecting you for a few hours.

Greenlee: Because you like me?

Ryan: No, because you're semi-suicidal.

Greenlee: I'm really not.

Ryan: Well, then when it comes to what's good for you, you really have no clue. You're not very bright.

[Greenlee chuckles]

Greenlee: Come here.

[Ryan chuckles]

Greenlee: Just come a little closer. I just want to say something.

Ryan: Ahem. If you bite me --

Greenlee: Thank you, Ryan.

Ryan: For abducting you?

Greenlee: For putting my welfare first even though I hit you and I kicked you. I just -- I wasn't looking at the big picture. You know who I am.

Ryan: Yeah, strong.

Greenlee: And stubborn. And once I get something in my head, I just can't let it go. But thank you for caring enough about me to get through to me.

Ryan: So you agree that I'm right?

Greenlee: Meeting Pablo at the Pine Cone is asking for trouble. I'd be a fool to do it.

Ryan: For sure? Like I can relax?

Greenlee: Mm-hmm. And so can I once you loosen these ropes.

[Ryan chuckles]

Ryan: Yeah, maybe if you want to stick around, we can, you know, get a movie.

Greenlee: Or just have dinner.

Ryan: And I don't have to worry about you trying to get away from here?

Greenlee: I'd swear on a Bible if I could. If, you know, you took off these ropes and you had a Bible.

[Ryan chuckles]

Ryan: Nice try, Greenlee, but you're going to have to do a lot better than that.

Jamie: Congratulations. I think you've just out-Adamed Adam. Even he wouldn't say his own brother was dead to him.

Brooke: J.R., when you cool off, I know that you'll know that your brother --

J.R.: Jamie's given me no choice. He heard me. He knows what he's got to do.

Jamie: The paternity suit's the only move I can make if I want to sleep at night.

J.R.: Then you be prepared, little brother, because it's going to be a very long, very dirty, very expensive battle.

Jamie: Not if Babe tells the truth.

J.R.: She has. You're psycho, Jamie. You're not going anywhere near my baby, for tests or anything else!

Adam: Do you think that's the wisest choice, J.R.? If Babe is telling the truth --

J.R.: The baby's mine, and that's the end of it.

Adam: And if the court orders a paternity test?

J.R.: You remember what I said, James, and what's at stake because there's no coming back from this.

Adam: If I can assist you in any way --

Jamie: You can back the hell off!

Krystal: I'll fix this. I'll fix it.

Babe: Look, it's just unfixable.

Krystal: Baby doll, this is nothing but a challenge of character. And what does your mama always say? "What doesn't kill you -- you chase it down, you beat it to death, and you either sell it or you wear it."

Babe: How am I supposed to survive this?

Krystal: What, this? This? This only exists between you and me. It's quite possible nobody's ever going to find out.

Babe: But what if they do? What if it just comes out in --

Krystal: You stop. Stop, stop. Stop right now. You stop asking for trouble, ok? Now, I'll just -- I'll just take this, and I'll just tuck it away in a safe place. Nobody will ever know what we're doing.

J.R.: Is this what I think it is? Yeah, I left a rough draft of some papers --

Krystal: Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no. This is -- this is business of a totally different nature right here.

Babe: It's probably something that wouldn't interest you, anyway.

Krystal: Yeah. No, no, no. This -- these are just the numbers that I plan to put in every week to win the mega-lottery, you know?

J.R.: Oh. So this is all about the lottery?

Krystal: Oh, yeah, yeah. That -- that and my -- my New Year's resolutions. You know? I'm very thorough, even if I'm probably going to break all of them before January 2, you know.

J.R.: Well, let me take them from you and just deep-six them, it'll save you the disappointment.

Krystal: Oh, no. No, no. This is tradition, you know? Even if I only keep a third of them, you know --

[J.R. chuckles]

Krystal: It's something to aspire to. Yeah, well -- I'll just -- I'll just keep them right here. Safer than Fort Knox.

[J.R. chuckles]

Krystal: Ok, well, you two -- I'll leave you alone. Hey, good luck finding that -- that paper there.

J.R.: Yeah, thank you.

Babe: Oh, Mama, I called Opal like you asked about -- they canceled your kelp wrap.

Krystal: Yeah.

Babe: So, what are you going to do?

Krystal: You just don't worry your little gorgeous head. Your mama's going to take care of it. I'll keep it nice and safe. Ok, go on.

Brooke: Jamie, it's not going to do any good to argue with Adam.

Jamie: Oh, nice, Mom. You want me to keep my mouth shut, too. Adam's pretending he gives a damn about me.

Adam: I care about you very deeply, Jamie.

Jamie: Oh, yeah. He thinks that I'm going to break up J.R. and Babe's marriage. That's all he gives a damn about.

Adam: You're wrong.

Jamie: Just stay out of my business, Adam. This is between me and J.R. and I'm sorry, Mom. I don't need to hear that I should back off and forget about it.

Brooke: I just want to tell you that I love you and I'm behind you all the way, whatever you do.

Jamie: Thanks. Take a lesson, why don't you?

Adam: Your son should be commended for his sense of responsibility.

Brooke: Oh, please. If Jamie weren't of some use to you, you would squash him like a bug.

Adam: That is vicious and untrue.

Brooke: You love the wedge that this is putting between J.R. and Babe.

Adam: My son deserves a wife who's worthy of him. And that's exactly what you want for your son, whether you'll admit it or not.

Brooke: All you want is to get Babe out of this house.

[Krystal laughs]

Krystal: Well, lots of luck, Big Daddy, because as of today, our kids' marriage is as solid as ever. Didn't you ever hear? Working against young love only makes it stronger.

Brooke: Oh. I should've known.

Adam: I'm sorry. You were saying?

Brooke: I know that look all too well. You're plotting.

Adam: Now, why would you assume that?

Brooke: You're breathing.

[Adam chuckles]

Brooke: And you have that look like a hungry lion trailing a slow, plump sheep.

Adam: Oh. Well, the lion and the sheep shall lie down together.

[Greenlee groans]

Greenlee: Ryan, let me go! I need to see Pablo to decide our future together. Leo would want me to figure this out. Leo would want me to live my life and --

Ryan: Leo was my best friend, and the last thing that he'd want me to do is to cut you lose so you can go off and clog dance across a minefield with Pablo, so forget about it.

[Greenlee groans]

Greenlee: You're leaving?

Ryan: Yeah, the fridge is empty.

Greenlee: You're shopping?

Ryan: Well, I want to be able to offer you a refreshment.

Greenlee: I hate you, Ryan Lavery. I hate you, and I will pay you back for this.

Ryan: Fine.

[Greenlee struggles]

Ryan: Next time, you can spring for dinner.

[Greenlee screams]

[Knock on door]

Aidan: What?

Mia: Are you redecorating? It might be kind of last-minute, but maybe we could do it together.

Aidan: No, I've finished already.

Mia: Good. Then why don't we go over the bash at the Valley Inn? I would have asked you earlier, but you've been a little tied up with work.

Aidan: You're right. I have been tied up with work lately.

Mia: So, what do you say? If you don't have any plans, that is. I was sitting around thinking, "Who do I want to be with when they ring in the new year?" And you were just at the top of my list. You ready for that 10, 9, 8, 7, 6 '

[Keys rattle]

Greenlee: Oh, ok. This game is getting old, Ryan. Get over here and untie me. Don't be afraid. We've both done things that we'll both regret in the morning. Things got a little wild and over the top, but I swear, I'll be a good girl if you just cut these ropes, please. Pretty please? Ah. I'm now officially in hell.

Kendall: Oh, great. Just where you belong, Greenlee.

Greenlee: What are you doing here?

Kendall: Right back at you.

Greenlee: I'd love to chat, but I'm tied up at the moment.

Kendall: Yes, I see. But why?

Greenlee: You don't go along with Ryan's bondage fantasies?

[Kendall laughs]

Kendall: If Ryan tied you up, it's because he caught you breaking in here.

Greenlee: He rolled me up in a blanket and carried me in for some New Year's fun. He's out getting us dinner.

Kendall: Bull! Why did Ryan really bring you here?

Greenlee: Well, if he's not sharing his kinky details with you, I'm sure he doesn't want me to spill them.

Kendall: Fine. Whatever. Just spank him on the butt for me, but do it like you mean it.

Greenlee: Kendall, wait! Ryan thinks that he's doing this for my own good. He wants to keep me away from Pablo, but I've got to get the hell out of here. So, if you'll please just untie me, you and Ryan can kick back and have the perfect New Year's Eve together.

Brooke: I will not let you manipulate this paternity mess.

Adam: How could I, in the light of modern technology?

Brooke: Please. Please. Jamie wants to believe he's the father, and you will use that to bribe some dishonest judges and a few doctors and have a few documents forged because, for you, it's just business as usual. But I am not going to let you railroad my son.

Adam: Brooke, you wound me.

Brooke: Oh.

Adam: That is not the plan.

Brooke: But there is one. What is it?

Adam: It will be revealed in due time. But right now, I have a very important phone call to make, if you'll excuse me.

Brooke: Adam --

[Doorbell rings]

Brooke: Now what?

[Ring]

Brooke: Oh --

Simone: Where's Tad?

Brooke: Simone.

Simone: You know what? Don't even try to hide him. I saw his car outside, and I know he's here. So where is Tad?

Brooke: Well, not that I really care, but why do you want to know where he is? I'm sorry. I should rephrase that. You seem to be a little bit tightly wound.

Simone: No, no, no. This is not any type of stalking or anything like that. But I am not going to stand back and watch this woman who doesn't even know how to spell her name, a woman who's obviously a glamour don't, sink her press-on nails into him.

Brooke: Would that be Krystal with a K?

Simone: The one and, thank God, only. She's not going to land Tad without a fight from me, so where are they?

Tad: Huh? Look at this. These tunnels used to hide slaves about 150 years ago, but now they've got other uses.

Krystal: Don't tell me you're going to show me Adam's coffin lined with dirt from Transylvania, West Virginia.

Tad: That was quick. I like that. Nobody puts anything over on you, do they?

Krystal: Yeah, well, don't feel so bad, honey. No man can. Unless, of course, it's made from silk or satin.

Tad: Hmm.

Krystal: So why don't you spill, handsome? What are you after?

J.R.: Nothing. It couldn't have just evaporated.

Babe: Well, the bad news is, it's not under the bed. But the good news is, is Jamie and your dad aren't, either.

J.R.: Well, looks like you're in a better mood than before.

Babe: That's just the effect that you have on me. Why can't everyone just let us be happy?

J.R.: Everyone? Meaning Jamie?

Babe: Mostly. He can't really drag me into court and force me to have those tests, can he?

J.R.: I don't know.

Babe: This is crazy. It's our baby. Why can't everyone just back the hell off?

J.R.: Well, the chances are you're not going to have to do anything other than get on the stand and answer a few questions. You'll be under oath. Why wouldn't the judge believe you?

Babe: All this added pressure and stress just because Jamie's obsessed with becoming a father? What is his problem?

J.R.: Is that it?

Babe: He's got to let this go.

J.R.: You said we could always confide in each other. What else is scaring you, Babe? I can't fix it if I don't know what it is. Hey -- come on. It's time to let me in.

Krystal: Was that an answer or an impulse?

Tad: If you have to ask, I'm doing it wrong.

Tad: Come through that time?

Krystal: Yeah. Yeah. Ahem. Got the message, but I have to say, I enjoyed the delivery, too.

Tad: Well, good. Thought I was losing my touch.

Krystal: What happened to the guy who wasn't interested?

Tad: I didn't say I wasn't interested. You misunderstood me.

Krystal: No, no, no, no, no. You were very, very clear.

Tad: Now, wait. What I said was I don't like being played. I mean, come on -- where you're concerned, I am a man with a pulse. Of course I'm interested. I just didn't think it was that smart an idea to follow up on my interest.

Krystal: What changed your mind?

Tad: You did, seeing you with your daughter. This whole mother bear with her cub thing kind of got to me.

Krystal: Remind me to keep you away from the zoo.

Tad: Well, excuse me, but if I'm any judge of reading lips, and I used to be pretty good at it, I'd say that you didn't mind that kiss one bit.

Krystal: Oh, it was real nice, yeah. Sort of a preview of what you can do.

Tad: Sort of. So what do you say? Do you mind if I continue with my little demonstration?

Krystal: Not one bit. No.

Brooke: Why do you think that Tad is with Krystal?

Simone: Because he's handsome and witty, and to someone like Krystal chandelier -- or whatever the hell her name is -- Tad is a catch of a lifetime. Look, she did not come here for a reunion with her daughter. She came here to score like Babe did.

Brooke: Don't you think you're getting a little carried away?

Simone: The tramp has her sights on Tad, and you don't care?

Brooke: Simone --

Simone: Brooke --

Brooke: Tad has a little more pressing things at hand that he has to take care of.

Simone: Yeah, that's what you think.

Brooke: With so much going on, I doubt very much if Tad would get involved with a woman that he barely knows.

[Krystal screams as she and Tad come crashing into the living room]

Tad: Oh.

[Krystal laughs]

Adam: Great entrance. Can anyone watch this act, or is it too blue for the ladies?

[Krystal laughs]

Mia: Wow. Remind me to drop by more often.

Aidan: If I have to remind you, it couldn't have been very memorable, could it?

Mia: Not very.

Aidan: I've got something that might make you remember.

Mia: You're kidding? Oh, present? Oh.

Aidan: Does it remind you of anything?

Mia: Tiny motorcycles. Um -- power that won't quit? A motor with a sexy hum no matter what gear it's in? You? You --

Aidan: The ride we took.

Mia: Oh, the ride we took. Yeah, that was my second guess. I love them.

[Phone rings]

Aidan: This never stops.

[Mia laughs]

Mia: Oh.

Aidan: Hello? Look, I thought we already settled this. Right, well, no, nothing definite. Are you sure you can't call somebody else? I'm your one and only. Right, I get it. Ok, I'll be there. Great. Looks like I'm going to miss that party.

Mia: Well, what are you going to do? I mean, when duty calls, you can't say no.

Aidan: That's right. I really do. But I can't this time.

Mia: So, when are you going to cash in that rain check of yours, huh?

Aidan: I'll be back in a couple of days.

Mia: Ok. So then we'll get together then. Just call me.

Aidan: Can we have our own little New Year's party when I get back?

Mia: I can't wait.

Aidan: I'm going to miss you.

Mia: I shouldn't have to.

Krystal: Well, everything I have still seems to be working. What about you?

Simone: Do you always run around other people's homes with men that -- well, with men like Tad?

Krystal: Well, I don't always make a habit of it, but if the opportunity comes up and --

Tad: Simone, I wouldn't take this, you know, too seriously.

Krystal: Yeah, Simone, just lighten up.

Simone: Oh --

Tad: No. Excuse me. I think I'll have a quick word with a concerned friend.

Krystal: Well, I think I'm going to go soak in a tub of hot bubbles to ward off all those aches and pains. Wonder who I can get to wash my back.

Tad: Stop it. Stop it.

Simone: Put me down.

Tad: Simone, stop it. Stop, stop, stop. Stop. Please stop.

Simone: Fine, fine. Don't tell me that tramp didn't hook you --

Tad: No, don't worry. I won't. Stop hitting me.

Simone: She's not even proper bed-buddy material, Tad. Have you -- you have, haven't you? Oh, God. Don't tell me that you did the guru and the cocktail waitress with her.

Tad: No, no, no. No, no, no, look -- the only game I'm interested in playing with Krystal is "Find the Document."

Simone: I don't know that one.

Tad: Simone, listen to me. Somehow Krystal got her hands on this information that could make or break Jamie's life.

Simone: Uh-huh. And where's she hiding it, in her thong?

Tad: No, it's just a little further north from there.

Simone: Her bra?

Tad: Yeah.

Simone: Oh, come on. Not that I believe for one moment that those are real, but nobody's stuffing with paper anymore.

Tad: She's not stuffing. She's hiding a document in her brassiere.

Simone: How do you know she's not stuffing? You tour the area?

Tad: Would you stop it? Look, I give you my word I am doing this for my son's sake. I mean, personally, I think Krystal's like a 0 on a scale from 1 to, you know, 20.

Simone: Hmm. Yeah, and where am I?

Tad: You --

Simone: Mm-hmm.

Tad: On the other hand, are the only woman I'm remotely interested in. Got it?

Simone: No. Actually, you lost me. I think you need to explain it again.

Tad: Any clearer that time?

Simone: Clear as -- oh, I was going to say crystal.

Tad: Don't, don't --

Simone: I can't stand her.

Tad: Don't give her a second thought, ok? As soon as I get what I want, I promise, I don't care if I ever see Babe's mother again.

Simone: Well, call her. I'll knock her in the head with a rock, and you can get the papers.

Tad: Thank you for playing. I would prefer to try something a little more subtle and a little less illegal, ok?

Simone: Fine. I'll let you handle it. No handling her. Just take care of it, quickly. You call me later?

Tad: You know I will.

Simone: Ok, I'm sorry.

Krystal: Oh -- did your friend have to go?

Tad: Yeah. Better this way. She's the jealous type.

[Car engine starts]

Krystal: Now, what's she got to be jealous about?

[Car pulls away]

Tad: Well, I wasn't exactly alone in that hallway.

Krystal: No, you sure weren't. I was just wondering who else was in there.

Tad: It was just you and me, the way I like it.

Krystal: Maybe. Or maybe you got a whole lot of secrets that you're just not telling me about.

Tad: Come on. I'm an open book.

Krystal: And I love a good mystery. But let me warn you, I can usually figure out the ending after the first couple of chapters.

Babe: Everything's so messed up. We barely even got married, and everyone is just trying to rip us apart.

J.R.: You're my wife. You're the mother of my child. I would stand by you no matter what the world threw at us. Now, tell me what's going on.

Babe: You weren't my first.

J.R.: Honey, I know that. You weren't my first, either.

Babe: No, J.R. I mean you weren't my first husband.

J.R.: What?

Babe: I was married, but I didn't even --

J.R.: When? When? Who was this?

Babe: Ages ago. It was way before I even knew you, and I was a totally different person.

J.R.: How long? How long were you married?

Babe: One night. One stupid night. I met him at a bar, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. And we just had too much to drink. And then we were dancing a little and talking a little, and then the next thing I know, I'm saying "I do" in front of the Justice of the Peace.

J.R.: So you got married because you were drunk?

Babe: No -- God, it just seemed like a total goof. I told you what a different person I was until I met you. I was a mess. And then I woke up the next morning, and I realized what a dumb mistake I made, and I ended it right then and there. I never even lived with him. He never even knew the real me. None of that even came until I met you and I knew what real love was.

J.R.: You didn't love him?

Babe: No. I've never loved anyone but you. Just you. I wish I had told you sooner.

J.R.: Like before we got married?

Babe: We were so perfect. I didn't want anything to get in our way.

J.R.: Like your first husband?

Babe: Like my own stupidity. I just wanted to wait until the right time to tell you.

J.R.: This is it, huh?

Babe: I hear "I do." And then the next words I hear are from your father, "You didn't." And then I'm on display as the undeserving bride, the trash that the golden boy brought in on the bottom of his shoe. I am not saying that I am good enough for you, but nobody could love you more than I do, J.R. and that's the God's honest truth.

J.R.: That's it? That's the last secret? Because if it's not, you better keep talking.

Aidan: Where'd I put my keys?

Simone: Mia? What are you doing over there? Never mind. You know what? I have got to talk to you about Tad.

Mia: Shh, shh, shh!

Simone: You know what --

Mia: Shut up before Aidan hears you.

Babe: I'm right to tell you, aren't I?

J.R.: Better you than one of my dad's spies or Jamie's attorney.

Babe: Jamie's attorneys, they might not even find out that I was ever married. And if they do, why say anything? It's got nothing to do with our baby, right?

J.R.: If it does come out, at least it won't be a shock.

Babe: Because you know already.

J.R.: Who is he? What's his name?

Babe: His name?

J.R.: Husband number 1? Where'd you meet him?

Babe: In San Diego.

J.R.: San Diego? Maybe I know him.

Babe: No way. He was on the base.

J.R.: Navy officer?

Babe: He was just some guy named Paul. Paul Cramer.

J.R.: I don't know him.

Babe: Neither did I, really.

Adam: Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind. Should old -- good grief, I thought you'd left.

Brooke: Until you tell me what your plan is and who you left to call, consider me a resident.

Adam: You don't need to know the details.

Brooke: Oh, let me be the judge.

Adam: Don't worry. I have everything under control.

Brooke: Oh, please, don't make me more afraid than I already am. The facts, Adam.

Adam: All right. The facts are I don't want either one of our sons wasting his life with Miss Babe the bimbo.

Brooke: Well, you can't have her deported or killed.

Adam: Hmm.

Brooke: Adam --

Adam: No, of course not. Do you remember Dorian Lord?

Brooke: From Llanview? She knows Krystal and Babe?

Adam: No, but her nephew Paul Cramer does. I understand he and Babe were quite close when he was stationed in San Diego.

Brooke: And this gets -- gets us what?

Adam: Well, you know how special it is when old friends drop in unexpectedly over the holidays.

Brooke: Let me guess -- Paul Cramer is the drop-in guest?

Adam: Yeah. With any luck, Babe will be the toast.

Brooke: And Paul's agreed to come? Are you sure?

Adam: Yeah. So has Dorian. Festive, eh?

Brooke: I wouldn't say that, but devious, definitely.

Adam: Ah. But I don't hear any objections. So, here's to Paul Cramer. May he make all of our New Year's wishes come true.

Tad: Krystal, what happened between us was only about us.

Krystal: Well, that could be true, but I still think you're up to something.

Tad: Well, in that case, you're just going to have to spend New Year's Eve with me to find out.

Krystal: All righty. Yeah. Yeah, I like to get dressed up. But I have a date with a bubble bath first. How are you at scrubbing backs?

Simone: Ok, can you tell me why I'm getting a leg cramp while we're spying on Aidan?

Mia: Because you don't work out.

Simone: Why are we freezing our fannies off out here?

Mia: Damn it! Kendall.

Simone: Kendall? That's Kendall in the car with Aidan?

Mia: Who else could it be?

Simone: Anybody. Did you see her face?

Mia: I didn't have to see her face. She called while we were celebrating New Year's a little early.

Simone: Wow. Details.

Mia: The point is that she called and played that damsel in distress card, and he runs after her!

Simone: Well, what can you do? Oh, she's -- oh, Mia. What? You can give me the evil eye all you want, but you know what? It's time for you to face facts. Men are pigs. What are you doing? You're not going to go after them.

Mia: Damn straight I am. She can't have him.

Simone: Oh, from what I just saw, it seemed like she is.

Mia: Are you coming or what?

Simone: You know what? Let's just go celebrate New Year's Eve together. Let's go to Valley Inn.

Mia: If I don't go now -- if I don't go now, I'm going to lose them.

Simone: Wait -- you know what? Girl, it looks like you already have.

Mia: Oh, thanks a lot for your vote of confidence.

Simone: What?

Ryan: What happened to the power? How did you turn the lights --

Kendall: Surprise.

Ryan: Where is Greenlee?

Greenlee: Why am I riding like this?

Aidan: Because it's safer.

Greenlee: Seriously, I see a neck brace in my future.

Aidan: If you want to get to Juan Pablo in one piece, risk the neck brace.

Kendall: Greenlee wanted to go save Juan Pablo.

Ryan: And you thought this was a good idea?

Kendall: Well, I'm not Greenlee's keeper. Are you?

Ryan: She's in a lot of danger.

Kendall: Well, Greenlee's an adult.

Ryan: Well, she's not thinking clearly, Kendall, and neither are you.

Kendall: No, wait. Ryan, it's New Year's Eve, and if she wants to spend it with Juan Pablo, why is that a big deal?

Ryan: Please get out of my way.

Kendall: Wait a minute. Ryan, since when did rescuing Greenlee become your holy calling? No, wait -- Ryan? Ryan? Ryan, Ryan -- Ryan 

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Adam: All the way from Llanview, this is Dorian Lord and her nephew, Paul Cramer.

Bianca: You and Maggie?

Juan Pablo: Stay with me tonight.

Ryan: Are you sure you don't need me?

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