AMC Transcript Friday 12/26/03

All My Children Transcript Friday 12/26/03

By Boo
Proofread by Gisele

Jack: All right, all right, all right, all right! I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming.

[Jack sighs]

Jack: Jamie? Well, I hope you brought the paper.

Jamie: Well, I know it's early.

Jack: Early? It's also my day off.

Jamie: I'm sorry. This can't wait.

Jack: What can't wait?

Tad: Morning, Jack.

Jack: Je--

Tad: Hope I didn't miss anything.

Jack: No, no, no. Come right in.

Jamie: You followed me? Of course, I followed you. I heard you sneaking out of the house this morning. I figured you were up to something. Obviously, I was right.

Jack: Ok, ok, would somebody like to tell me why I was rousted out of bed?

Jamie: I need a lawyer.

Jack: Right now?

Jamie: I'm going to be a dad, Jackson.

Tad: Oh, for God's sake.

Jack: Should I congratulate him? Should I congratulate you?

Jamie: The baby's mother -- she's denying the whole thing. She's trying to cut me off from own kid. You got to help me stop her.

Guard: You have a visitor, Chandler.

Adam: It's about time Barry sent somebody here to get me. What the devil are you doing here?

Babe: I'm here to bail you out, Pops.

J.R.: Whoa! What are you doing here?

Krystal: Morning, handsome. Mama's brought you something sweet.

Greenlee: Hi.

Ryan: Greenlee?

Greenlee: Ryan, I need you.

Ryan: Please tell me that I'm dreaming. Ow! How did you get in here?

Greenlee: Kendall gave me a key.

Ryan: Well, couldn't you call?

Greenlee: Would you have answered?

Ryan: Well, you could have knocked.

Greenlee: I did. Kind of.

Ryan: We're in bed. Go away.

Greenlee: Ryan, please. You're the only one who can help me.

Ryan: This better be important. Do you mind?

Greenlee: Nothing I haven't seen before. All right. Thank you, Ryan. It really is major.

Ryan: Yeah, Greenlee-talk. That means it's about you or you or a guy. Oh, Pablo. What happened? What happened to Pablo? Did somebody take a shot at him, or --

Greenlee: It's Leo.

Ryan: Oh. Oh, Greenlee, I'm -- I'm sorry. I mean, it must have been tough going through all the holidays --

Greenlee: Leo came to me -- for real. I talked to him, and I think he talked to me.

Ryan: Wow. Did -- did it help? I mean, are you ok?

Greenlee: Yes. It was wild. I -- I told him I didn't know what to do about Pablo.

Ryan: Right -- you asked Leo for relationship advice?

Greenlee: Well, it's because of Leo that I can't move on with Pablo, and it's exactly what I said. It's what you said, Ryan. I'm not sure that I can lose somebody else like I lost Leo.

Ryan: Well, good. It means you're done with Pablo, and I can go back to bed.

Greenlee: No, but I'm not done with him. And that's the problem that I was trying to figure out with Leo. I'm still not sure what to do.

Ryan: Ok, this is what you do, ok? You go back, you go to sleep, and we talk about this later.

Greenlee: No. Wait, wait. No, Leo -- he -- he left this for me.

Ryan: It's empty.

Greenlee: Exactly. A few Christmases ago, Leo threw an empty box in my hand, and it was the best gift I ever got. It brought us back together.

Ryan: Oh. So, the box is a sign of what?

Greenlee: That's what I want you to tell me.

Ryan: But -- I mean, I don't know. I haven't got a clue.

Greenlee: Well, you were close to Leo. You know? Do you think that this means that I should be with Pablo, and -- and just take that risk? Or should I walk away with him and play it safe?

Ryan: You should walk away from him and you should play it safe.

Greenlee: But no, it's not that simple, Ryan. I really need your help. You're all I've got!

Kendall: Hey, guys. What's up?

Adam: I don't need you to rescue me.

Babe: Looks like I'm the only one who even bothered to show up.

Adam: Go back to your husband, while you have one.

Babe: I'm here. I might as well be useful. But -- first, I was hoping that maybe we could talk.

Adam: Oh, yeah. I should have known. Kind of a double mutual back scratch? Is that it? You bail me out, and I don't expose you as the -- the two-timing, money-grabbing chippy you really are?

Babe: And you can hate me all you want, I don't care. I'm bailing you out for J.R.

Adam: You think he'll be grateful? I'm not so sure.

Babe: J.R. plays tough, but all this fighting -- it really does eat him up inside.

Adam: Yeah. He hides it very well.

Babe: You just don't know where to look. Do you know why J.R. was so excited to get back here after we got married?

Adam: Well, because he couldn't wait to turn the tables on the old man. He got me good, didn't he?

Babe: Because he loves you. Even when you're all riled to split us up, J.R. just won't leave.

Adam: That's because he loves rubbing my face in this mistake you call a marriage.

Babe: Look, all I'm asking --

Adam: Oh, here it comes, here it comes.

Babe: I just want you to lay off J.R. Stop fighting him and stop laying into me. At least, when J.R.'s around.

Adam: So what you're proposing is a détente of sorts?

Babe: Well, whatever the heck that is. I just want you to give it a rest, just for a week. At least through the holidays. You think you could do that? For J.R.? A week of peace, Pops. That's all I'm asking. J.R. deserves this much.

Babe: I'll go bail you out.

J.R.: What are you doing here? Where -- where's Babe?

Krystal: First things first, honey.

J.R.: Oh, well -- well -- wow! What's all this?

Krystal: It's what I promised. Something sweet. And I always keep my promises. French toast.

J.R.: Mmm.

Krystal: My specialty. Well, really, it's the only thing I can cook.

J.R.: Well, you -- you Carey women -- you keep surprising me.

Krystal: Oh, you don't know the half of it.

[J.R. chuckles]

Krystal: This is Babe's favorite, too, but she didn't wait around for the first batch.

J.R.: Did she say where she was going?

Krystal: Well, I didn't ask, but it must be important for her to pass up on this. Go ahead, eat, eat. It's going to get cold.

J.R.: All right. Well, it works for me.

[Krystal chuckles]

J.R.: Mmm! This is outrageous.

Krystal: Mm-hmm. Yeah, well, the secret's in the eggs. You just got to beat 'em silly, you know?

J.R.: Mm-hmm.

Krystal: Show 'em who's boss.

J.R.: Yeah.

Krystal: Kind of like what you're doing with your dad.

J.R.: Well, he's not exactly toast yet.

Krystal: Yeah. Well, what I mean is Adam wants the world to spin his way. And you're not afraid to show him that it can spin another way, especially when it comes to the woman you love.

J.R.: Well, the thing about my dad is he thinks he's right about everything. He decided that Babe's not good enough for me. But I'm going to prove -- I'm going to prove to him how wrong he really is.

Krystal: You don't know what that means to me. You taking care of my baby doll. I can see how she's just head over sneakers in love with you. And I tell you what. Once this mess gets all cleared up, you two are just going to live a dream-come-true kind of life. Oh, God, look at me now. Whoo! I'm a big mush pot.

J.R.: Here. You're just -- you're just like Babe. But don't worry, Krystal. I'm going to take the best care ever of your daughter and your grandchild.

Krystal: Oh. Oh.

Mary: I assume you want the door closed.

Jack: Let me see if I got this right without my morning cup of coffee. You had one sexual encounter with Babe, but you think you impregnated her?

Jamie: I'm sure of it. I mean, I know it was only one night, but when I found out she lied about when she got pregnant, it all made sense. I mean, the only reason she would fudge the date is because I'm the father and not J.R.

Jack: Tad, I got to admit, a lie like that does cast suspicion on the baby's paternity.

Tad: No, don't -- don't, ok? Don't encourage him. I don't care. It was one damn night. Doesn't matter how hard you fell for Babe. He didn't mention that he used protection.

Jamie: We both felt something. It was perfect!

Tad: Perfect? I'll tell you about perfect, ok? The girl is married to your brother. They've been doing perfect for weeks. If you do the math, you'll realize you can't be the father.

Reggie: Oh, God! How's a man supposed to get any shuteye with all this noise out here?

Jack: Why don't you just go back to bed, huh, Sleeping Beauty?

Reggie: I can't go to sleep with all the noise. What's up, Jamie?

Jamie: I want your dad to help me with the baby.

Reggie: Oh, God, Jack, please help him out here.

Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa -- you know about that?

Reggie: Yes, I've been trying to talk him out of it. Look, plead -- plead the Fifth. Plead insanity -- whatever it takes to stop him from being a father.

Tad: I love you, Reggie Montgomery. That is exactly my position.

Jack: You know, Reggie, why don't you go get yourself some breakfast?

Reggie: But I'm not hungry. I'm not even dressed.

Jack: Then why don't you get yourself somewhere else?

Tad: No, no, no -- by all means, let him stick around. He's the only other person talking sense in the room!

Jamie: Dad, when you found out about me, you ran -- didn't run away. You did the right thing.

Tad: If you think about the facts and your brother's happiness for five seconds, you will realize, in this case, walking away is the right thing.

Jamie: I will. If the baby's not mine, I'm absolutely gone. But I'm not bailing until I know for sure if it is or isn't mine. And that's why I need you. I need to sue for paternity.

Tad: Ok, that's enough, ok? I don't care. I have had it. I don't care how you got it into your head that you are being responsible. This is nothing but guilt talking.

Jamie: It's not about guilt.

Tad: All right, then it's about lust.

Jamie: Oh, my God. Give me some credit, Dad. I love Babe.

Tad: You can't be in love with her! You don't even know her!

Jack: Whoa, whoa, whoa. If we could discuss this civilly, it'd be a lot better, ok?

Jamie: Why are you being like this? Why can't you get behind me? I thought you'd be proud of me. I'm stepping up.

Tad: Oh, well, when it comes to potentially blowing up your brother's happiness, by all means, you have my permission to run as fast and as far as you possibly can!

Jack: Let's just stick to the facts, shall we?

Jamie: But it's your grandchild, Dad!

Tad: No, it's not! Not by you! And as excited as I am for the arrival of that day, this ain't it!

Jamie: Would you at least just let me find out the truth?

Tad: You want the truth? I'll give you the truth. Babe was freaked out because she got married to your brother at the drop of a hat, and she used you.

Jamie: She did not.

Tad: Yes, she did, James. It sucks, but it happens.

Jamie: Stop treating me like a kid!

Jack: We're not going to --

Reggie: Ok, all right! Please! My father's trying to say something.

Jack: Thank you, Reggie.

Reggie: Yeah, no problem.

Jack: Look, if you two want my help, you're going to have to let me get a word in edgewise here, huh?

Jamie: Just tell me that I have a case and that you'll represent me.

Tad: By all means, Jack. Please, talk some sense into him so we can just get past this.

Mary: I apologize for interrupting. I was just passing by.

J.R.: Of course you were.

Mary: Well, I heard laughter. I just assumed that you and Babe would want some privacy.

J.R.: Then what are you doing here?

Krystal: Hi. I'm -- I'm Babe's mama, Krystal.

Mary: Yes, I noticed the resemblance.

J.R.: You know what? Thank you for breakfast, Krystal. I'm just going to go hit the shower.

Krystal: Anytime, honey.

Mary: Breakfast in bed. How thoughtful.

Krystal: I didn't catch your name.

Mary: Mary. Mary Smythe.

Krystal: Smythe.

Mary: Hmm.

Krystal: Yeah, kind of like how all those rich Beverly Hills folks say "Ro-day-o" drive instead of "Ro-de-o." You know, Smythe instead of Smith.

Mary: Uh-huh. That robe of yours certainly has its own je ne sais quoi.

Krystal: Oh, yeah. I kind of like it, too. Especially because I got it half off.

Mary: I'm sure your clothes are half off most of the time.

[Mary and Krystal laugh]

Mary: Must be liberating to feel so comfortable in so little.

Krystal: Yeah, well, I like to keep it simple. But you certainly have a knack for piling it on. That necklace, ma'am -- that is some serious bling-bling. You shop the TV shows?

Mary: This is an original piece.

Krystal: Oh. Well, you're just like a Christmas tree -- all lit up and loaded. One more piece or tinsel and you'd just fall right over.

Mary: No, I manage to stay standing.

Krystal: Ok, wait a second. You're that Mary Smythe. Yeah! Yeah, Babe mentioned you. Adam took you in, right? Boy, sure must beat the shelter, huh?

Mary: I'm an artist. Adam's a patron. He's graciously offered to let me use his old greenhouse as my studio.

Krystal: Hmm. Yeah, I'm a -- I'm something of an artist myself. I'm sort of partial to those paint-by-number kits, you know? Gives a girl something to do when she's got too much time on her hands.

Mary: I'm a sculptor.

Krystal: Good choice. Good choice. Better to keep busy with the clay than the boys, right? Now, that young Frenchman -- was he the one that taught you all those fancy French words?

Mary: Given your daughter's track record with the boys in this family, you're not one to judge.

Krystal: Oh, and then to have your own daughter reject you, too. I am -- I'm so sorry.

Mary: We'll get through it. We always do.

Krystal: Yeah, well, it must be pretty hard. Boy, I just can't picture my life without my baby girl. I mean, her happiness is -- is all I care about. But you know what I mean.

Mary: Yes, I do.

Krystal: Good. Then you'll understand me when I ask you to stay away from my son-in-law.

Kendall: What the hell are you doing in my home?

Greenlee: You gave me a key.

Kendall: To the condo, not Ryan.

Greenlee: What, you own him now? Or is this a month-to-month thing?

Kendall: How desperate are you to sneak in here and yank Ryan out of my bed?

Greenlee: Didn't take much.

Kendall: Get out.

Greenlee: This is between Ryan and me.

Kendall: You know what? I'm going to give you three seconds to vacate. One --

Ryan: Kendall, Kendall, Kendall, it's not what it looks like.

Kendall: What, she broke in here to get your attention. What am I missing?

Ryan: Greenlee -- she needs help.

Kendall: Yeah, I could have told you that. Two -- three.

Ryan: No, she's not here for me. She's here about Pablo. He's still a target for the Calatravas --

Kendall: Hold on, you're still milking that stupid story to get Ryan's attention?

Greenlee: It's not a story. Pablo's life is in danger.

Kendall: Yeah, only from you. Ryan, why are you falling for this?

Greenlee: How can you be so insecure?

[Knock on door]

Kendall: Oh! Maybe that's Pablo now and his little crime family -- wishing us a jolly Christmas.

Boyd: I got to talk to you.

Kendall: Ok. Can this wait? Now's not a good time. But come in.

Aidan: You're not having this conversation without me.

Kendall: Can -- can this wait?

Boyd: If it could, trust me, I wouldn't be here.

Kendall: All right, you know what? Why don't we just all take this meeting in the other room, please? Please? Ok. I'll be there in a minute. Thank you. Ok, well, he's all yours. Make the most of it.

Greenlee: For God's sake, Ryan, forget about Kendall. Pay attention to me.

Krystal: Oh! What a nice thing to do -- helping around the house to earn your keep.

Mary: It won't work, you know -- trying to ingratiate yourself with J.R.

Krystal: He's my son-in-law.

Mary: But he's a lot more than that. Your daughter has landed herself in a big pile of money, and you have to make sure she stays there.

Krystal: Oh, Babe doesn't need my help. She and J.R. love each other, and they're going to work it out.

Mary: It's kind of hard to do when your daughter can't figure out whose bed she's happier in.

Krystal: Babe's happy with J.R., whether that bed is feathers or lumps.

Mary: Well, that's all very romantic, but with all this back and forth over who her baby's father is surely you can understand Adam's anxiety about Babe's suitability.

Krystal: Oh, well, if Adam would just let J.R. and Babe be, maybe they'd have a chance.

Mary: Adam loves J.R. just as much as you love Babe, and he only wants to end this marriage because he has his son's best interests at heart, as do I.

Krystal: Now, isn't -- isn't J.R. just a little bit too old for you?

Adam: Winifred? Winifred!

Mary: You gave the staff the day off. Where have you been?

Adam: Not now, Mary. Not now.

Krystal: Oh, that's why you snuck out so early. You sprang Adam from the slammer.

Mary: You were in jail?

J.R.: Maybe it did him some good. Why'd you have to bail him out?

Babe: I did it for you, baby.

J.R.: Did you see me missing any sleep last night?

Babe: I know that you're mad at your pops, but you don't hate him -- any more than he hates you. Now, come on, can't we all just get along for once? Like a real family?

Krystal: I am just so proud of you. You are nothing but sweet, little girl.

Babe: Aw.

Mary: Adam, why didn't you tell me you were in jail? I could have gotten you out.

Adam: I tried. You were unavailable. Spare me the details, please.

Mary: What -- what happened? What are the charges? Maybe I can help you fight them.

Adam: I don't need or want your help, Mary.

Mary: Oh, yes, you do, now more than ever.

Adam: You've met our lady of the strip mall?

Mary: Yes, Krystal introduced herself to me. Now, don't worry, I know exactly how to handle her.

Adam: The way you handled Jamie? No, stay out of it, Mary. I can handle Krystal and Babe.

Mary: All right, but I'm only a call away -- or closer. Ok?

Krystal: Bye-bye, Mary.

J.R.: Did you spend the night trying to escape? Or plotting your next move against my wife?

Adam: No, I -- actually, I spent the night looking forward to the new year. It's going to be a happy one, J.R. for both of us. That, my son, is my promise.

Jack: Jamie, are you sure you want to fight your brother in court?

Jamie: Well, I've tried everything else. I've been honest with him, I tried reasoning with him, I even apologized to him. I can't get through to him. I mean, the only way I'm going to get him to pay attention to me is if I take him to court.

Jack: Yeah, but you realize you could lose a lot more than just the case, right?

Reggie: This is his turf. You should listen to him.

Jack: When we get a family in court, Jamie, and emotions run high, people say things that they don't mean, but they can't take back. I mean, whatever you're hoping to prove by going to court here, you may destroy with all the pain and suffering you caused your family.

Jamie: Oh, man. So I should do nothing and let J.R. raise my kid in a lie of a marriage? I can't do that.

Jack: Just -- just be sure that's what you want to do, that's all.

Jamie: I am.

Jack: You are? All right, well, look, do me a favor, then. Will you just take one more shot at talking to J.R.? Once you set this thing going, man, you can't just back off on it.

Jamie: If I go and talk to J.R. again, and he blows me off, will you take the case?

Jack: Well, you know, most judges won't order a DNA test on a child until it's born, but I could file a motion for immediate --

Tad: No, no, Jack, you don't have to humor him. He knows as well as I do there is nothing to hang this suit on, except a lot of wishful thinking.

Jack: Look, I know this -- I know there's a possibility of paternity, and Jamie has a right to know the same way I had a right to know about Greenlee.

Tad: No, that's totally different.

Jack: No, it's not.

Tad: Yes, it is.

Jack: No, it is not. Look, if I had known Mary was pregnant then, I'd be doing the same thing as Jamie's doing now.

Tad: You and Mary were in a relationship, ok? She wasn't married to another man.

Jack: No, even if she had been, I would have fought to find out if that was my child. Then I wouldn't have to wonder and imagine what kind of life Greenlee and I could have had had I known.

Greenlee: Hello?

Ryan: What? What?

Greenlee: Two seconds ago, you told Kendall that you wanted to help me, so quit worrying about what's going on in there and help me.

Ryan: Fine. What?

Greenlee: Forget it. I should have known better than to come to you.

Ryan: Greenlee, stop, all right? You got me. Go ahead, talk.

Greenlee: I know I've got to get over what happened to Leo. I've got to learn to live and to love again.

Ryan: Yeah, not with Pablo.

Greenlee: You don't really know him. He really does love me.

Ryan: And he really could get you killed.

Greenlee: I'm not the one that's in danger. Pablo is.

Ryan: Well, that's his problem, not yours.

Greenlee: I love him, so that makes it my problem. I just don't know if I can stand to lose him.

Ryan: Find out. Lose him now. Greenlee, dump --

Boyd: Kendall, pay attention.

Ryan: How many times --

Kendall: What, I am.

Boyd: No, to us.

Kendall: Wait, Boyd, ok. What -- what is the big deal?

Boyd: Your guardian angel here has been pressuring me to give up where I stashed those witnesses and that preacher that married you and Michael.

Kendall: Fine, fine. Whatever Aidan says, go with it, ok? This meeting's over.

Boyd: Hey, wait a second. Aidan claims you back him 100% on this.

Kendall: I do, ok? You can trust him.

Ryan: Trust me on this, Greenlee.

Boyd: Hey, Kendall! The discussion's in here.

Kendall: Listen to me, Boyd, Aidan is completely on the level, ok? You can trust him with your life. I have.

Boyd: Yeah, sure, that's easy for you to say. The guy's in love with you.

Aidan: Will you get it through this guy's head that he's got to turn those witnesses over to me?

Boyd: Look, stay out of this.

Kendall: Boyd, listen to me, ok? Listen. Aidan wants to relocate the two witnesses and the preacher before the cops get to them. Now, why is that a problem?

Boyd: Look, because there's no need, all right? The cops haven't even come close to figuring out where they are.

Kendall: Why are you so against clueing him in? I mean, you know how much Aidan has done for me.

Boyd: Yeah, that's it. He's in this to save you, Kendall, not me. All right, so stop harassing me for information.

Kendall: Wait -- listen, listen, wait a minute. He's doing this for the case.

Boyd: Oh, really? Or maybe he's hoping if he pushes hard enough, I'll incriminate myself. Right, Aidan? I say the wrong thing, you throw me to the cops for murder?

Ryan: Greenlee, you have to let Pablo go.

Greenlee: But I think I love him.

Ryan: You need someone who's not going to get you run down in the street, Greenlee. Somebody who's not going to take you out to dinner and have, like, the waiter attack you or something.

[Knock on door]

Greenlee: What?

Ryan: Hi. Can I help you?

Woman: I've got something for the lady.

Ryan: Ok. I'll make sure she gets it. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on. Who gave this to you?

Woman: Some guy. A total hottie. But he talked funny.

Ryan: Don't -- hold on!

Greenlee: Is it for me?

Ryan: Well, wait. Hold on a second, Greenlee.

Greenlee: Hey.

Ryan: You don't even know what it is.

Greenlee: "Greenlee, I've made the arrangements. Meet me at the Pine Cone parking lot at 4:00. It's safe." Ryan, it's signed "Pablo." Do you know what this means?

Ryan: Yeah, it means that you're standing on the edge of the volcano again.

Greenlee: We can decide our future together.

Ryan: Are you out of your mind?

Greenlee: No, I have to meet him.

Ryan: What? Greenlee, listen to me. If you meet him, you may not live long enough to be able to make a decision.

Greenlee: Pablo says it's safe, and I believe him.

Ryan: You don't even know who sent this.

Greenlee: Yeah, I know the handwriting.

Ryan: Well, it could be forged.

Greenlee: Yeah. Maybe it's a sign. Leo wants me to follow my heart.

Ryan: You know, you're unbelievable. Didn't getting, like, flattened by a car teach you anything? A stranger dropped this off. Are you so naive to skip off to Pablo and God knows what's waiting for you there?

Greenlee: Happiness? Love? I can handle it.

Ryan: Greenlee, what if it's a -- it could be, like, this hell of a trap. They could grab you, and they could use you as bait. They could follow you, ambush you.

Greenlee: The last time I saw Pablo, I ran out on him. I'm not running anymore.

Ryan: Ok, ok, ok, ok, all right, just slow down, slow down. Just let me get dressed. We can go out for breakfast and we can figure this out.

Greenlee: You want to change my mind, and you can't.

Ryan: Greenlee, just come in here. Maybe I'm just hungry and maybe I want the company, all right? Promise me you won't leave. Promise me? Ok, I'll be back.

Kendall: Aidan, I swear to you, Boyd did not kill Michael Cambias.

Ryan: Don't let me interrupt. I'm just going to -- you know, get dressed. Just pretend like I'm not even here.

Ryan: Excuse me. Great. Thank you.

[Ryan sighs]

Ryan: Good Christmas, Boyd?

Boyd: Not as good as yours.

Ryan: Yeah. Here we go, here we go. So, otherwise, everybody ok?

Kendall: Yeah, we're just peachy, peachy. Are you going somewhere?

Ryan: Uh -- I'll be back, I'll be back.

Kendall: Ok, well, we can -- if you want, we can just take this meeting in the other room.

Ryan: No, no, no, no, no, don't worry about it. Almost done. Almost done. Besides, Greenlee's waiting for me out there.

Kendall: What -- and you're leaving with Greenlee?

Ryan: Yeah, it's the only way to make sure she doesn't do something stupid.

Kendall: Well, why don't you just lock her in a box?

Ryan: Not a bad idea. I might just do that. I'll see you, ok?

Kendall: Ok.

Ryan: Greenlee, maybe we can stop off at my place before we go to -- damn it!

Jamie: See, Jackson understands because he's been here.

Tad: So have I. When I was your age, I got blindsided by a girl and her mother.

Jamie: Well, my eyes are wide open.

Tad: Hardly. When Dottie Thornton got pregnant and lied about it, her mother started pulling strings, and before I knew it, I was tripping down the aisle.

Reggie: And you actually married that thing?

Tad: It only lasted till I found out she'd lost the baby and lied about that, too.

Reggie: Oh, you Martin guys really got some bad baby karma.

Tad: Well, it stops here because I'm not letting you do this.

Jamie: Well, just because you got tricked doesn't mean that that's the same thing as this. Babe's not bad. She's just confused and afraid.

Tad: Babe doesn't want anything to do with you, James.

Jamie: So then this is my best move. If she's really trying to put a con on J.R., then a paternity test will put an end to it.

Jack: Oh, Tad, Tad, look. Jamie's right about that. That's the only way we're going to get a definitive answer, and you do want this resolved, don't you?

Tad: No, there's got to be another way, Jack.

Jack: Well, according to Jamie, he's tried the other ways, and they haven't worked, so I tell you what, if you ask Babe to take this test and she refuses, I'll file a suit for you.

Jamie: Thank you.

Tad: The hell you will.

Jack: I don't understand you.

Tad: My family's already being torn apart.

Jack: You know, it seems like your son is trying to be responsible here. Why are you fighting it?

Tad: Because my other son deserves a shot at happiness, and you deserve a shot at life without this kind of baggage.

Jamie: Oh, is that what you thought about me, Dad?

Tad: Don't you even. What I'm saying is you have the right to be anything you want in life, to go for what you want, not to be sidetracked by something like this.

Jamie: All I care about is proving if that kid is mine or not. So if you really mean that, don't hold me back.

Babe: Are you peeved that I got your pops out of jail? Well, you did say that I could buy whatever I wanted with my platinum card, so I did.

J.R.: Yes, but most people are shopping the sales, not cruising the jailhouse.

Babe: But it was worth it. I mean, who knows? I might even have bought us a truce.

J.R.: You made some sort of agreement with Adam?

Babe: As if. I just mentioned that it wouldn't be so horrible if we just stopped the brawling -- at least for the new year.

J.R.: And he agreed?

Babe: Well, he didn't say no.

Krystal: Anybody for some bubbly? Went downstairs, I thought I'd found bathroom number 27, and I struck wino heaven.

J.R.: The wine cellar. Yeah, my dad normally keeps it locked, especially with Mary around.

Krystal: Yeah. Here. Will you do the honors?

J.R.: Mm-hmm.

Krystal: There you go.

J.R.: Ha-ha-ha-ha!

Krystal: Yes! Whoo! Oh. Oh, Adam. You're just in time.

Adam: Hi.

Krystal: How about we toast to our new grandbaby? Or better yet, how about to Santa getting bailed out?

[Doorbell rings]

Adam: I'll pass.

Krystal: Here, baby doll. Found some apple cider just for you.

Babe: Thank you.

Adam: Perhaps you should pour a couple more drinks for our guests.

Krystal: Oh, the party's just getting started.

J.R.: What do you want?

Jamie: I was hoping that you, me, and Babe could figure this out.

J.R.: We have. You're willing to lie to get my wife? Why don't you get over it?

Jamie: Ok, fine. I want a paternity test.

J.R.: What? Are you out of your mind?

Jamie: Well, if you won't do it, I've already retained a lawyer.

Adam: Ooh, how quickly they grow up.

Jamie: So what do you say, Babe? You willing to take a DNA test.

J.R.: My wife is pregnant with our baby. You have no right to demand anything of us.

Jamie: Hmm, Babe knows that I do.

Babe: This can't be happening.

J.R.: Based on what? Some freak fantasy?

Jamie: I'm not into suing you, but I will if I have to.

Babe: Do you hate us that much?

Jamie: I just want to settle this. You two keep blowing me off.

J.R.: Get used to it.

Jamie: If this goes to court, my lawyer says it's going to get ugly.

J.R.: Ooh. Is that a threat?

Jamie: All kinds of things could come out, whether you want them to or not.

Babe: What is wrong with you? Why can't you just leave us alone?

Jamie: I will -- if you'll take the test.

J.R.: So you're really going to go through with this, huh? Threatening a lawsuit?

Adam: It makes perfect sense, J.R. The test, I mean.

J.R.: You'd like that.

Adam: Where's the harm? It'll prove that you're the father of your child, and it'll save Babe the embarrassment of having her past history exposed on the stand and in the tabloids. I know how much you love her. I'm sure you don't want that to happen.

Jamie: Just stay out of this, Adam. This is between J.R. and me. You're my brother. I love you. I don't want to go to court.

J.R.: Then forget about your whack obsession with my wife, and get the hell out of our lives.

Jamie: I'm not going to turn my back on a baby that could be mine. J.R., all you have to do is say yes to the test.

Krystal: Ooh, baby doll. Honey, you've got to calm down. All this upset is not good for the baby.

Babe: I should have known it wouldn't have worked. I mean, what was I thinking that J.R. and I could even ever stand a chance? God. That night I met him on the pier, I should have just jumped.

Krystal: What are you talking about?

Babe: It's just that -- I mean, it seems like it's so long ago now, but everything was just coming down on me. And I was just standing there at the edge of that pier, looking out on that water, and it just seemed like the only way out.

Krystal: Oh, baby doll, I'm always your way out. You should have called me.

Babe: I know. I wanted to, but -- but then J.R. -- he just appeared, and he -- he was like an angel, like a smile from God. It just seemed like all my problems were over. Now they're just beginning.

Krystal: Oh, baby. We'll get through this. You got a husband who loves you, and you got me.

Babe: Oh, Mama, but if Jamie -- if he takes us to court -- I mean, all this stuff, it's going to come out about me, and then -- and then -- oh, God, then it'll be all over, Mama. It's just going to be over.

Krystal: What are you saying, baby? Are you saying it's true? Are you having Jamie's baby?

Kendall: If this meeting's over, I'd really love to get dressed.

Boyd: Just watch yourself, Kendall.

Kendall: That's my specialty.

Boyd: No, I'm serious, ok? You're way too trusting.

Kendall: Well, that's a first. Why aren't you busting a gut?

Boyd: Did you ever think Aidan could be working you?

[Kendall sighs]

Kendall: Boyd, aside from you, Aidan is the only person I know who's exactly what he says he is.

Boyd: Yeah, well, I wouldn't be so sure, ok? He asked a hell of a lot of questions, and he's got some major ties to all kinds of law enforcement. Come on, Kendall, he could be working for the cops.

Kendall: Huh. How about that?

Boyd: Hey, are you listening to me?

Kendall: Yes, yes, I am listening to you, ok? You're worried about the police.

Boyd: Why do I bother? You know what? You want to trust Aidan, you go ahead, but you leave me out of it.

Aidan: Oh, Larraby, if you don't tell me where those witnesses are --

Boyd: Look, all you need to know is no one will find them, all right? Including you.

Kendall: Sorry about all of this. If I had known you were coming, I would have --

Aidan: What, hidden Ryan under the bed?

Kendall: I'm just -- I'm all over the place, ok? I have a lot going on.

Aidan: Hey, no big deal. I mean, what, it's only your life at stake. I mean, so what if you're facing murder charges? I mean, so what if the police find the witnesses and the preacher and they give you up?

Kendall: They won't. Aidan, they won't, ok? Boyd swore to me that they're on the dark side of the moon.

Aidan: Your trouble is you believe whoever gives you the best news. It's a dangerous way to live, Kendall.

Kendall: Aidan, what I said to Boyd about trusting you goes the same way. You can count on him, too.

Aidan: But that's not the issue here. Boyd thinks he's James Bond, but he's an amateur. If he doesn't wise up and work with me, he could cost you your life.

Kendall: He's been with me for this from the very beginning.

Aidan: Yeah, and if he screws up, prison is where you're going to be in the end.

Greenlee: Ugh! Damn it!

[Greenlee screams]

Jamie: What do you say, J.R.? Will you take the paternity test? I mean, if it's your kid, like you say, then you have nothing to worry about.

J.R.: Lawyer up, Jamie. There ain't going to be any test.

Jamie: I guess I'll see you in court, then, bro.

J.R.: You're going to regret this because you're going to lose a lot more than a lawsuit.

Krystal: Tell me, Babe. Are you having Jamie's baby?

Babe: What does it even matter, anyway?

Krystal: It matters a whole heck of a lot.

Babe: Oh, God, Mama, you don't understand. If I go to court, they are going to rip me apart, and then -- and then it won't even matter who the daddy is because my life is going to be shredded.

Krystal: Why is that, Babe? Listen, if you've got a secret, you've got to tell me. I can't help you unless I know.

Tad: Come on, Babe. Be a good girl, answer your mother.

Krystal: Honey pie, what could be so God-awful that it's going to ruin your life?

Kendall: Why are you so angry with me?

Aidan: Because you're letting a wannabe like Boyd call the shots. Because you're not paying attention to what needs to be done. Hello? Are you -- are you here?

Kendall: Yes. Yes, Aidan, I'm here. I'm paying attention.

Aidan: No, you're not. You're still in bed with Lavery, aren't you?

[Greenlee screams]

Greenlee: Let go of me! Hey! Hey! I know karate!

[Greenlee screams as Ryan throws a blanket over her and takes her away]

Greenlee: Help! Ow! Help! Ow!

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Greenlee: I hate you, Ryan Lavery. I hate you, and I will pay you back for this.

Krystal: Why don't you spill, handsome? What are you after?

J.R.: That's the last secret? Because if it's not, you better keep talking.

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