All My Children Transcript Wednesday 12/24/03
Provided By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele
Bianca: I would love you no matter who or -- oh, my God.
[Christmas music plays]
Ruth: Oh, Opal!
Opal: Merry Christmas!
Ruth: Merry Christmas, my dear!
Opal: How are you?
Ruth: Oh, don't you look festive!
Opal: Yeah, thank you.
Palmer: She looks like a float that escaped from the Lacey's Day Parade.
Opal: Yeah? Well, I guess that beats looking like the window display at Henderson's Funeral Parlor.
Colby: Where's Petey?
Ruth: Oh, darling, he is with Joe at the Christmas party in Pediatrics, but they'll be along soon.
Opal: That's right, so you come here --
Palmer: Now, Ruth, dear, would you steer me towards your very famous spiced cider?
Ruth: You're working that way.
Palmer: Ah, thank you.
Tad: I assume you had to drag Jamie kicking and screaming to all this fun?
Brooke: No, surprisingly not. He was ready when I got home. Hey, it's Christmas. You know, maybe this whole J.R.-Jamie-Babe thing will simmer down for a while.
Tad: Where are you from? In my experience, when it comes to family feuds --
Tad: The only thing the holiday does is Jack up the heat.
Krystal: Whoo! Feliz Navidad, y'all!
Brooke: Well, fasten your seat belts. It's going to be a rockin' Christmas Eve.
Tad: Yeah. And Adam isn't in tow, either, which can't be good. Excuse me.
Petey: [Yelling through a megaphone] Hey, you there! Spread 'em! Grab some wall and spread 'em!
Kendall: Well, I stopped believing in Santa right around the time disco died.
Ryan: Yeah, well, everything old is new again.
Kendall: Yeah, well, I'm not really into recycling. So why don't you just take your little holly, jolly Christmas gear and go spread it somewhere else.
Ryan: Somebody hit the off switch while I was gone? What, am I busted back down to "guy most likely to screw you over"? You know what? I have as many legit reasons to dump you as you do to dump me, but, I'm sorry, I kind of thought that we were over that. When did this Christmas spirit go up in smoke?
Kendall: A friend came to see me and we talked and --
Ryan: "A friend"? "A friend"? Aidan. The anti-Santa, spreading his Yuletide doom and gloom. Well, hey, you want to have eggnog for one, you go for it. On, Donner, on, Blitzen!
Kendall: Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, Ryan, wait! Ryan, come back, please! Ryan --
[At the boathouse]
Greenlee: Leo? Leo? Leo? It was so real. Oh, Leo. You don't know how many times I prayed you'd come back to me.
Greenlee: What was that warm breeze? It's freezing out here.
Greenlee: It's you, isn't it? You're here with me.
Leo: Greenlee, I'm sorry. I didn't -- I didn't see you there. Are you ok? Are you hurt?
Greenlee: I don't think I'm hurt.
Leo: Let me check. Just --
Greenlee: No, Leo, I'm fine. Stop. This must be fate.
Leo: What is, the box? It was just sitting right here.
Greenlee: No. No. Finding you.
Leo: Was I lost?
Greenlee: I was, without you. I want you in my life forever. Now it's Christmas 2003, and I'm stuck, wishing the same thing I was wishing then. If you were, what would you say to me? How would you get me unstuck? Who's out there who'll know me like you do? Who'll tell me all the things I want to hear -- and the things I don't?
Ryan: What, I thought you weren't interested in my ho-ho-hos or anything else I had to offer.
Kendall: Ryan, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, ok? I was a big, big, huge brat. Now, you can't stay mad at me, you can't, not on Christmas Eve.
Ryan: Well, I was this close to putting you on my naughty list.
Kendall: Well, my inner bad girl is just dying to sit on Santa's lap again.
Ryan: Please, it's hot enough in this thing already.
Kendall: So, what did Santa get me?
Ryan: Hey. Slow down.
Ryan: Still got to, you know, go over the checklist.
Kendall: But we did that. We did the whole naughty-but-nice thing when we were at your house putting up your tree. I told you that I'd been a good girl.
Ryan: Yeah, we established that you did some iffy things, but for good reasons.
Kendall: And we all know how the -- nice suit. And we all know how the road to hell is paved.
Ryan: There's still time to redeem yourself. There's still time before Santa goes back up the chimney.
Kendall: Ok -- uh -- I ate a whole bunch of grapes at the supermarket without paying for them.
Kendall: Yeah, pretty bad.
Kendall: And when my feelings get too real and too scary and risky, I go on the attack and draw first blood, like I did tonight.
Ryan: Santa knew that already.
Kendall: Well --
Kendall: Can Santa forgive me?
Ryan: Hey, if I can make eight reindeers fly, I can do just about anything.
Kendall: No, no, no, no! Nothing for you yet. I want my goodies first.
Ryan: Listen to you.
Kendall: I get my goodies first, then I give you yours later, yeah. Come on, give me, give me!
Ryan: Ah --
Kendall: Come on! Hmm. Can't get it open. Well, what the Jiminy Christmas is that?
[Christmas music plays]
J.R.: Won't you invite us in, little brother?
Jamie: Babe's welcome anytime, but you can take a flying --
Krystal: I sure could use a cup of holiday cheer.
Brooke: Babe, J.R., welcome. Krystal, welcome. Merry Christmas. Come on in.
J.R.: Merry Christmas. Thank you.
Brooke: Can I take your coats?
Ruth: I'm so glad you could all make it.
J.R.: Yeah, thank you.
Babe: Thanks for having us.
Brooke: Krystal, this is Ruth Martin, our hostess. Ruth, this is Krystal Carey, Babe's mom.
Ruth: Well, welcome to Pine Valley, Krystal.
Krystal: Oh, thank you. This sure is a lovely place you got here, so nice and homey.
Ruth: Well, that's what Christmas is all about, isn't it?
Brooke: Will you excuse one second?
Brooke: Jamie, help me with these coats. Now, you listen to me, you are not going to ruin this festive gathering by playing one-up with your brother or making a passion play for his wife. Are we clear?
Krystal: All right, listen up, you two -- I dated me an army colonel once, and he gave me this numero uno rule of combat -- always choose the time and place to fight your battles and never, if you can help it, fight on enemy turf.
J.R.: What was rule number two?
Krystal: It beats me. I dumped him after the first date. He was packing a pistol loaded with blanks.
Palmer: Do I -- pardon me. Do I have the pleasure of addressing Babe's beautiful mother?
Krystal: Well. And who might this distinguished gentleman be?
J.R.: Krystal, this is Palmer Cortlandt. Uncle Palmer, my mother-in-law, Krystal.
Krystal: Nice to meet you, Mr. Cortlandt.
Palmer: No, no, no. Palmer, please.
Liza: Call me a taxi before I hurl.
Opal: Oh, would you believe that old rooster fanning his feathers?
Mia: Whose hay is he nibbling, anyway?
Simone: That's the slut who sucked the lungs out of Tad.
Adam: Officer, I assure you, this is -- this is not what it looks like.
Nurse: Petey. There you are.
Petey: Gotcha! I mean -- [distorted voice] Gotcha! Up your chimney, Santa!
Nurse: Petey, you're supposed to be passing out cookies at the Christmas party.
Adam: Well, no, no, don't be too hard on the boy. We were -- we were just playing a little game.
Petey: [Normal voice] And you lost! That means you owe me a 50!
Adam: Ho-ho! Well, Santa doesn't carry his wallet.
Petey: In that case, I caught superspy Santa trying to break into that office.
Adam: What? How -- how about an IOU? Hmm? I was just looking for the Pediatrics children's party. Why don't you -- why don't you go and play Santa, and I'll join you in a couple of minutes.
Petey: I'll be waiting.
Adam: You rotten little brat. Babe, I got you. Let's see you try to lie your way out of this one.
Tad: Well, well, well. Merry Christmas, Santa. Or should I say Satan?
Adam: Why aren't you at your parents' house, squawking out Christmas carols and guzzling that God-awful cider?
Tad: I missed you. Wouldn't be Christmas without old Scroogie. No, Adam. Whatever is in the file is confidential.
Adam: Listen, listen, that file -- what is in that file can tell us when Babe got pregnant.
Tad: Yeah, yeah.
Adam: Maybe -- maybe she was knocked up before she ever knew either one of our boys. Maybe some sailor doing the hornpipe with Babe was the happy pappy!
Tad: No! Get off that! I don't care! I intend to love this baby no matter who's the father.
Adam: Of course you do because you're an idiot!
Tad: An idiot that cares about J.R., and I'm not going to let you blow up his marriage just because his wife is from the wrong side of the tracks!
Adam: Let go!
Tad: You let go!
Adam: Let go or die!
Tad: You first!
Adam: You --
Tad: You look like you're going to have another stroke, and if you do, I'll make sure the doctor knows your last words were "Do Not Resuscitate"!
[Each pulling on Babe's medical file, Tad and Adam tear it in half]
[Christmas music plays]
Erica: Jack, I don't have a clue where Bianca is.
Jack: Well, you just stay calm, my dear, and I will go see if I can round up our wayward girl, how's that?
Erica: You will?
Jack: I will.
Erica: Oh, thank you! Thank you so much.
Jack: And if I have a sighting, I'll give you a call.
Erica: Ok. Thank you.
Jack: I may just give you a call if I don't have a sighting. Be right back.
Myrtle: Darling? Coral says our goose is cooked and we can dig in anytime we like.
Erica: But what about Bianca?
Myrtle: Darling, she's a grown woman. Now, if we don't believe that she can take care of herself, she's going to lose all faith in herself.
Erica: I hate it when you're right.
Myrtle: I know you do. And I hated it when Sinbad, our sword-swallower, was always right -- except for the last time, when he picked up the wrong sword.
Erica: Ok, then. Everyone, dinner is served.
Myrtle: Reggie, come on.
Maggie: Um -- Erica, what about Bianca?
Erica: Oh, we are going to keep a plate warm for Jackson and Bianca when she comes home.
Bianca: We all start out the same. That's true for you and for me, and for this baby that I'm carrying inside me.
Bianca: How could I love her any less? Look at you. You're so trusting. You don't care what happened an hour or a day ago. You're all about right now. How could I not see it before?
Bianca: Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you for opening my eyes. It's the greatest Christmas gift I could've ever gotten.
[Church bells toll]
Bianca: The church bells must mean that Father Clarence is back. Let's go find him and get you taken care of. Come on, sweetheart. Yes.
Ryan: Take your clothes off.
Kendall: What? No, uh-uh. No, no, no, we're going to get to your wish list next.
Ryan: Take your clothes off, please. Would Santa ask you to do something that wasn't in the Christmas spirit?
Kendall: Yeah, with jingle bells on.
Ryan: I'm waiting.
Kendall: Ok. All right, but I will have you know I am doing this on a pure act of faith.
Ryan: Well, your faith will be rewarded.
Kendall: Yeah, well, it'd better or I'm going to tell Mrs. Claus where you park your sleigh.
Kendall: Ok, um -- now what?
Ryan: Now you relax and you put yourself in my capable hands.
Ryan: Merry Christmas, mommy.
[Ryan places a pregnancy pad around Kendall's waist]
Greenlee: Would you agree with Ryan? Should I shut down this voice inside my head so I can hear what other people are trying to tell me? Ryan said you'd be ok if I took off my rings, that you'd understand that it didn't mean that I'd stopped loving you. But you know this, right? Is Ryan right when he says that you wouldn't want me to be alone? I mean, loving you saved me. So is loving Pablo a way out or just another way to lose again?
Jack: There you are. Well, I'm so glad I found you.
Adam: Rats! Rats! This is nothing but her medical records! Give me yours.
Tad: Not a chance.
Adam: We can find out when Babe got pregnant!
Tad: I don't know, and I don't want to know!
[Tad sets Babe's medical file on fire]
Adam: What, are you mad?
Tad: Get away from me!
Adam: Stop it! Stop it!
Adam: Get off --
Tad: Shut up!
Joe: What's going on? Tad. What are you doing here in Dr. Parker's office?
Tad: Thank God you're here, Pop. I caught Santa here breaking and entering and burning important files. So do me a favor, call security and get them to speed-dial the cops.
[Christmas music plays]
Krystal: And to think you're the genius who made the innards for my DVD player back home.
Palmer: No, no. Actually, I'm thousands of miles away from the assembly line. See, I have an affiliate in Singapore --
Opal: Well, doesn't this just put the "Merry" in "Christmas"? Now, you must be the Krystal that we have all heard so much about.
Krystal: And you must be Opal. My Babe described you to a T.
Opal: Did she? Well, she is one sweet little girl. I'll bet she's just pleased as punch to have her mama drop in for Christmas, huh? So tell me, how soon is it till you have to head back home?
Jamie: Babe, try these. My grandma made them. They're killer.
J.R.: Hey, why don't you take your little killer tray back to the kitchen. I know what you're offering my wife, and it's not an appetizer.
Babe: Hey, hey. You guys, excuse me, can't we just try to call a Christmas truce here and try to get along? This isn't a wrestling match. We're here to celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus.
Bianca: Just wait right here, ok, and I am going to go get Father Clarence for you. I'm sure that he is just off working a Christmas miracle.
Priest: Oh, hello.
Bianca: Oh, hi.
Priest: Merry Christmas.
Bianca: Same to you.
Priest: You're a bit early for Midnight Mass.
Bianca: Oh, actually, I'm looking for Father Clarence.
Priest: Father Clarence? I'm afraid you've come to the wrong church. There's no such Father Clarence in this diocese as far as I know. I've been here two years.
Bianca: But that's not possible. I talked to him. He lives in the cottage out back.
Priest: The cottage out back? It's just a toolshed for upkeep of the grounds.
Bianca: Look, Father Clarence knows about me and the baby that I found in the manger.
Priest: Found? You mean, well, you brought it back?
Bianca: "It" is a baby boy.
Priest: Yes, right -- the Christ Child from our nativity scene. Someone made off with it.
Bianca: Father, surely you know the difference between a doll and a real-live -- was anyone else here tonight?
Priest: Not a soul. I locked the doors myself. It's a mystery how you got in. But since you brought the Christ Child home to rest -
[Bianca is shocked to see that the baby she just placed in the manger is just a doll.]
Jack: Yeah, well, I had a hunch I just might find you here. I know this was a very special place for you and for Leo.
Greenlee: Yeah, I wanted to feel close to him. Getting through the holidays is really hard.
Jack: Yeah, and, what, with all of Kendall's and Reggie's legal hassles, I haven't made enough time for you, have I?
Greenlee: It's all right, Jack. I understand how busy you are.
Jack: Well, let me ask you this -- would you like to come back with me to Erica's? I know Reggie has a gift he'd like to give you, and so do I.
Greenlee: You go on. I'll catch up later.
Jack: Yeah, but I kind of hate leaving you here all alone on Christmas Eve, you know? But then I guess you're not really all alone, are you?
Greenlee: Right -- Leo.
Greenlee: I have a few things I want to tell him.
Jack: Ok. Look -- uh -- I just want to make sure you'll be ok.
Greenlee: I'm fine, really.
Jack: And you do know that I love you, yes?
Greenlee: I know.
Jack: Ok. Come here. Tell me, you haven't seen Bianca anywhere, have you?
Greenlee: No. Why?
Jack: Well, she never showed up at Erica's, so --
Greenlee: I haven't seen her.
Jack: Ok, well, you just make sure that I see you soon, ok?
Priest: Are you all right?
Bianca: Yes, I am, for the first time in a long time. I was looking for an answer, and I found it.
Priest: We're very fond of saying "The Good Lord works in mysterious ways." From the light in your eyes, I can tell he's been working overtime.
Bianca: Well, so has my grandmother, Mona. Thank you, Father. Merry Christmas!
Priest: Merry Christmas.
Krystal: Well, I got to stick around at least till my grandbaby's born.
Opal: And after that?
Krystal: Well, who knows. Y'all have been so nice to me, I just might make Pine Valley home.
Palmer: And a welcome addition you would be, too.
Krystal: Oh, no, thank you. If I don't watch my figure, nobody else will.
Opal: Then have some nuts.
Krystal: So Babe says that you're in the beauty business.
Opal: Yeah, well, I own and operate my own day salon and spa, yes. And what about you? What do you do to support yourself?
Krystal: Oh, honey, you name it, I've done it. Let's see, switchboard operator, grocery clerk --
Babe: Mama's even operated the forklift at the local home and houseware.
Opal: Well, that sounds like man's work to me.
Krystal: Oh, no, running a forklift is nothing. Try being a cocktail waitress.
Opal: So you've never actually had an actual career, is that it?
Krystal: Life's just way too short to waste doing the same thing day in and day out. I've lived my life the way I've wanted, done things my way, and if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing.
Joe: You go on ahead, Petey, ok? I just can't believe that scene at the hospital.
Tad: Dad, don't worry about it. I don't want you feeling guilty. Adam got exactly what was coming to him.
Tad: I mean, who cares who the baby's father is as long as J.R. and his wife are happy.
Joe: Merry Christmas!
All: Merry Christmas!
J.R.: Hey. Hey, Tad. Merry Christmas.
Tad: Merry Christmas. Kiddo, have I got a present for you.
Adam: I'm trying to tell you I was framed. Get Tad Martin in here -- wait, or Joe Martin, that blowhard father of his at the hospital. You can't put me in jail! It's Christmas Eve! I'm Santa Claus!
Greenlee: Leo? I still need you. You are still here. You know how we never finished a conversation? You'd think that'd change now that you're -- anyway, I was telling you about Pablo, how he keeps putting his life at risk, and I don't know why. Leo, he's -- he's obsessed with family honor and ending some vendetta. And although he supposedly loves me, he could wind up very dead. He won't stop being noble. He won't change for me. I know that sounds very selfish, but your death nearly killed me. I keep having the same bad dream -- me standing on the bridge, helpless, watching you go over the falls. But this time there's a body, and I race over to it and I turn it over, but it isn't you. It's Pablo. See? That's what I'm risking. I can't come up empty again, Leo. I can't.
[Christmas music plays]
J.R.: Arson? Breaking and entering? What the hell was --
J.R.: What the hell was my dad up to?
Tad: God only knows why your father does anything.
J.R.: But to wind up in jail?
Tad: Well, he'll be fine. His legal muscle will have him out of there in no time at all. In the worst-case scenario, he'll just be spearing garbage out on Route 5.
J.R.: Hmm. I'd like to see that.
Tad: Yeah, so would I.
J.R.: But I got to tell you, it doesn't settle with me so well knowing that my dad's going to spend the night alone in jail on Christmas eve.
Tad: Well, he's got only himself to blame, doesn't he? He didn't have a wallet in that Santa Claus outfit of his, and unfortunately for him, Barry Shire's soaking up the sun in the Bahamas, so --
J.R.: I'll go bail him out.
Tad: There is a third option. You could spend an incredibly romantic evening alone with a very gorgeous wife in a great, big house with no father to kick in the door and give you a hard time.
J.R.: Mm-hmm. I like that.
Tad: I thought so. Merry Christmas.
Simone: Hi there.
Tad: "Hi" yourself.
Simone: Merry, Merry, Merry Christmas.
Tad: Yeah, you, too.
Tad: I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Come here.
Opal: Well, I think Simone is a much better match for Tad than that suction cup on legs.
Palmer: I think Tad should just swear off women. There will never be another one as good for Tad as Dixie was.
Opal: Well, I'd like to say you're wrong, as usual, but I think in this case, you might be right.
Tad: Would you excuse me? I've got to go put out a fire.
Tad: How's it going?
Brooke: Where have you been?
Tad: Trying to prevent Adam from pinning Babe's pregnancy on our son.
Brooke: Did you succeed?
Tad: Just barely.
Brooke: I'm beginning to think it's a losing battle.
Tad: No. I got one last ace up my sleeve.
Brooke: Yeah? Sending Jamie to Nepal for a year abroad? Oh.
Tad: Not quite, but that's not bad.
Erica: Thank you! Really.
Jack: Hey, hey, hey! Ho-ho-ho!
Erica: Oh, honey!
Jack: And bearing gifts, no less.
Erica: Thank you so much!
Bianca: Merry Christmas!
Lena: Thank you! Hey.
Maggie: Merry Christmas.
Erica: Oh, Bianca, I'm so glad you're here, honey.
Bianca: I'm so sorry that I was late! I just had to get a message from a friend, a very good friend.
Maggie: The important thing is that you're here now.
Myrtle: Merry Christmas, darling!
Bianca: Oh, Myrtle! Merry Christmas!
Myrtle: Oh, let me. Your eyes are glowing today.
Erica: Sweetheart, Bianca, honey, what kept you?
Bianca: Oh, I was having a magical, mystical adventure.
Erica: No, really, where were you?
Bianca: Oh -- some last-minute Christmas shopping.
Lena: Ah. See? I told you, Erica, there's nothing to worry about.
Erica: Oh, me, worry?
Jack: Oh, no, no.
Bianca: Well, Mom, you don't have to worry about me ever again.
Jack: All right, let's dig into these gifts. Let's see who has what, shall we?
Bianca: Oh, yes.
Reggie: I get the big one.
Maggie: Reggie, get the big gold one in the back? Yeah, the big gold one in the back. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Bianca: Thanks to Grandma, it's going to be a very merry Christmas.
[Bianca lovingly places a white rose in front of Mona's picture]
Greenlee: Merry Christmas, Leo.
[Tad goes outside and looks up at a star]
Tad: Dixie, if you're listening on my frequency -- and I think you are -- then do me a favor. Send down your love and your guidance because I need your help. All I want for Christmas is to pull our family back together again.
Men: We wish you a Merry Christmas we wish you a Merry Christmas
Adam: What the devil --
Man: Hey, Grinch!
Guard: Let's go.
Man: Merry Christmas! And a Happy New Year. Good tidings we bring --
Guard: Lodge buddies. The loyal order of drunken buffaloes.
Men: We wish you a Merry Christmas
Adam: You all go to hell!
Men: And a Happy New Year.
Man: Now bring us some figgy pudding -
Singers: We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. Good tidings we bring to you and your kin, good tidings for Christmas, and a Happy New Year. We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. Oh, bring us some figgy pudding; oh, bring us some figgy pudding; oh, bring us some figgy pudding, and a cup of good cheer. We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year. We won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, we won't go until we get some, so bring some out here. We wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.
Singer: Silent night, holy night, all is calm, all is bright, 'round yon virgin, mother and child, holy infant so tender and mild, sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace. Silent night, holy night, son of God, love's pure light, radiance beams from thy holy face, Jesus, Lord at thy birth, Jesus, Lord at thy birth.
[Captioning made possible by ABC, Inc.]
[Captioned by the National Captioning Institute]
>> On the next "All My Children" --
Greenlee: I need you.
Jamie: I need a lawyer.
Jack: Right now?
Babe: I'm here to bail you out, Pops. First I was hoping that maybe we could talk.
J.R.: What are you doing here?
Krystal: Mama's brought you something sweet.
>> From our house to your house, Happy Holidays.
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