All My Children Transcript Tuesday 12/23/03
Proofread by Gisele
Tad: James, a paternity test is not the way to go on this thing.
Jamie: I watch TV. I know my rights. Fathers can get a court order. Babe can't fight that.
Brooke: Oh, Jamie, you'd really go that far?
Jamie: I'm going to do whatever it takes.
Tad: Well, that's it.
Tad: The Chandlers versus the Martins on trash television.
Brooke: Oh, remind me to set my VCR
Tad: I'll go after him.
Brooke: Uh -- not until you tell me what's going on with you and that red hot mama.
Krystal: You and me team up to help our kids out of their conundrum. Did you think I was hatched yesterday, Adam? You've made it every shade of clear that you don't feel Babe is good enough for J.R.
Adam: I don't just feel it. I know it. Anybody with eyes can see your daughter married up.
Krystal: Now, don't you badmouth my little girl. Now, she may have skipped a couple rungs on the social ladder, but that does not change the facts.
Adam: Oh, yeah? Just what facts are those?
Krystal: Well, Babe and me may not have come from money, but we way outclass you. And if you or your son hurt my little girl, I am going to be all over you like ugly on a gorilla.
J.R.: Babe, it is freezing cold out here right now. Why can't we just go back to the house?
Babe: Because there's too many bad vibes back there to say what I have to say.
J.R.: Well, if you're going to talk about Jamie, I don't really want to stand around and listen to this right now.
Babe: Forget Jamie! This is about us. It's time I told you the truth about the baby.
Bianca: Hello, is there anybody there? Is the baby out here all alone?
Bianca: Hey, there, little one. Hi. Who are you, huh? Are you crying for your mommy? Hello, is anybody there? Whose little precious one are you?
Priest: Well, well, well. What do we have here? Oh, what a handsome young man. It is a boy? You must be very proud, my dear. Very proud indeed.
Bianca: Oh, no, he's not mine. I just -- I heard crying, and I came in, and there he was.
Priest: Well, upon my soul.
Bianca: So you don't know who he belongs to?
Priest: We are all children of God. Don't you know that?
Bianca: We have to find his mother.
Priest: Ah, not to worry, my dear. Not to worry. Seek and ye shall find.
Kendall: Aidan, hi. Come in. Merry almost Christmas. Do you want some wine? I could open a bottle of wine for us.
Aidan: Where is he?
Kendall: "He"? Ok, if you're looking for the guy who wears the red suit and goes "Ho, ho, ho," he's on a corner --
Aidan: I want the guy who's got your life in his hands.
Ryan: So, you're -- you're cool with what I want?
Man: Shouldn't be a problem.
Ryan: Ok, don't mess up, do you understand? This has to be taken care of before Kendall goes to trial.
Man: I'm on it.
Ryan: Hey -- whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Greenlee, Greenlee, wait a minute. What happened? Talk to me. Who -- who did this to you?
Kendall: Aidan, it was a quickie wedding. I didn't even have time to sign the guest book, much less bond with the freak.
Aidan: So you're telling me you don't know where this guy is?
Kendall: Maybe he's at one of the conventions with all the other Elvis impersonators.
Aidan: Fred Lomax, preacher and sole proprietor of The Chapel of the Loving Heart, only no one has seen him in months.
Kendall: Ah. Well, I'll let you know if he drops me a Christmas card.
Aidan: You and Cambias say your "I dos," the preacher does a Houdini, along with the two witnesses that I spoke to.
Kendall: Well, you know us Americans -- we're always on the move.
Aidan: Oh. Is that why Boyd ended up in Vegas after Michael died?
Kendall: I don't know. You'd have to ask Boyd yourself.
Aidan: These witnesses, Kendall, are the only thing standing between you and a prison stretch. Now, someone has got to get to them before the police do.
Kendall: Ok. All right. Boyd sent them someplace with pockets full of cash.
Aidan: I need you to tell me exactly where these witnesses are.
Kendall: Aidan, I have no idea where they are. Boyd didn't want me to know. My -- my life had enough knots in it.
Aidan: Well, then, I'm going to have to track them down myself, aren't??
Kendall: No, Aidan -- Aidan, you're not going to pull one of these Special Ops routines and make sure the preacher disappears for good, are you?
Aidan: No worries, Kendall. I've got a Plan B that's a real honey.
Priest: Good gracious, I've forgotten my manners. I'm Father Clarence.
Bianca: Who could just abandon a precious little child like this?
Father Clarence: Someone who is afraid, a young mother, perhaps, not sure she could give him the love that's every child's birthright.
Bianca: I would never just leave a child.
Father Clarence: No, no, of course not. The question is what to do with the little one. What to do, what to do.
Bianca: Well, you have to call somebody. You have to call child protective services or something.
Father Clarence: Splendid suggestion, but I don't think they'll send out anyone tonight because of the holidays.
Bianca: Well, then, call the police.
Father Clarence: Well, brilliant, but it wouldn't seem right to have a child spend the night in a drafty police station during the holy days.
Bianca: Well, couldn't you take him in just for a little while until you can get in touch with a social worker or -- or whatever?
Father Clarence: Well, ordinarily, I would not hesitate, but my parishioners expect me to do my rounds. Now, what about you? You're the picture of motherly love. Couldn't you mind the little tot for a little while?
Bianca: My mother is expecting me home for dinner very soon.
Father Clarence: Ah, well, not to worry. You'll have time. All the time you need. What child is this, eh? Like a babe in the wilderness who needs loving arms and lullabies. How could anyone feel anything but love for this innocent child?
J.R.: What about the baby?
Babe: Why are you standing so far away?
J.R.: You dragged me out here. Say what you have to say.
Babe: This is deja vu all over again. Me on this pier. It's just like that night in San Diego when you just appeared out of the fog and looked at me like I was an answer to your prayer. You were the answer to mine.
J.R.: Babe, where are you headed with this?
Babe: Remember when we first got together, J.R.? Making love all night long? And the walks on the beach? And you bought me my first lobster dinner at the sea shanty, and the fishnets on the walls and the dark, cozy booths, and us dancing to whatever song came on the jukebox. And no matter what number came up, you'd put your arms around me, and you'd pull me close, and you'd whisper, "Babe, this is our song."
J.R.: Fine. You know what, you know what? If you're not going to tell me what this is about, I'm going back to the house.
Babe: No, J.R., wait.
J.R.: I want the truth, Babe -- all of it -- or we don't stand a chance in hell.
Babe: I told you that me getting pregnant was an accident.
J.R.: The birth control tanked. It happens.
Babe: Not with us. I got pregnant on purpose. J.R., I'm so sorry -- not about having your baby, but about lying to you about it.
J.R.: Whoa, whoa -- what are you trying to pull? Are you laying a baby trap for me to fall into? I mean, my God, Babe. Is my father right about you?
Adam: You have that mama lion routine down pat, don't you?
Krystal: Oh, I'm really a pussycat. I only pounce when I'm provoked.
Adam: Yeah, well, retract your press-on nails because you're hopelessly outmatched.
Krystal: Oh, let's see. Where have I heard that one before? Oh, yeah, yeah. The famous last words from Doogie "The Dirt Bike King" Dettweiler.
Krystal: Yeah. Doogie and I shared a whole lot of love until he ran off with my best friend, all my cash, and a punch card good for a car wash.
Adam: Yes. They said it wouldn't last.
Krystal: Yeah, well, I may be a fool in love, but don't play me for one.
Adam: Really? What happened with Doogie?
Krystal: Well, I -- I had the keys to his place, so when Doogie was driving his big rig across country, I took apart his station wagon, and I put it back together in his living room. Took me three days, but I finally put that heap together, including the broken windshield wipers.
Adam: How did he get it out?
Krystal: He had to drive it through the front wall. Man, this place is big enough for a jumbo jet. But that'd be way too easy. For a man with an ego as big as yours, I'd have to go whole hog to get you where you live. But, hey, hey, what's the use stripping our gears talking about payback when all we really have to do is to get together and work this out over a couple of beers? Or better yet, why don't we just drop the whole thing and let those two kids be happy? Why can't you do that?
Adam: Because your daughter slept with J.R.'s brother.
Krystal: Well, that's Jamie's story. And his brother isn't buying it, so what's your problem?
Adam: J.R.'s my son. It's called being a parent.
Krystal: Well, I think it's time to lose the chokehold, Pappy. I mean, look at me. My daughter ran off and got eloped, and I'm tickled pink. And I'm going to be the youngest grandma in the trailer park. Is that what's got your shorts in a knot? Well, come here, big boy.
[Krystal plants a big wet one on Adam.]
Tad: Brooke, come on. I just met Krystal. What could possibly be going on between the two of us?
Brooke: Oh, come on. I saw her give you that "come hither" look.
Tad: It's not a "come hither" look. It's just "come one, come all." She's just free-spirited.
Brooke: That's one word for it. Come on. Let's see if Jamie has cooled down a little.
Tad: I doubt it.
Brooke: All right, well, listen, we should probably go and talk to him before Krystal feels another hug fest coming on. Oh.
Tad: Oh, stop it.
Adam: You -- you are incredible. You think you're going to get your way by seducing me?
Krystal: I just thought you might have had a thing about being a grampy and it was putting a crimp in your love life.
Adam: I have been a grampy for several years now, and as far as my love life is -- oh, I am not having this discussion with you.
Krystal: Well, there must be some reason why you're all wrapped up in your son's affairs instead of going out and getting one for your own.
Adam: Oh! That's it, that's it. That's it. This is my house. I'm not going to tolerate you --
Krystal: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't tell me now you got the hots for Babe and you want her all to yourself.
Adam: My God, you have the morals of a stoat!
Krystal: Well, Tad said you've had a whole chorus line of wives come dancing through here, some of them kind of on the young side.
Adam: Not that young.
Krystal: Oh, you mean more like me?
Adam: Well, yes. No.
Krystal: Listen, Adam, you still got the drive, baby. You just hit a little speed bump. You know what I'm saying? So all you getting wrapped up in your son's affairs must be some kind of an ego trip, and you got to just shake that off. How many Adam Chandlers does the world need?
J.R.: This is unreal. You knew you were pregnant before I asked you to marry me? If it wasn't a trap, what in the world was it?
Babe: It was for protection so when you got it in your head to leave me.
J.R.: To leave you? Where did this come from? You just got done telling me how happy you were with me.
Babe: I didn't think it'd last, ok? I thought that one day you would wake up and you'd wonder, "What the heck am I doing here?" And you would just be taillights because we had nothing in common, because you were so much better than me.
J.R.: No. Then you don't know me at all.
Babe: J.R., I told you what a wreck I was when you showed up. I had been down for so long that I couldn't get back up just to lose it all over again. So I tried to hold on to you -- not by being your wife, but by having your baby -- so that that way, when you did leave, which I was sure that you would, I'd still have someone to love. I'd have a piece of you.
Kendall: Aidan, you can't keep on doing this. You can't keep risking your life to protect me.
Aidan: Kendall, we've been through this. You can't go at it alone.
Kendall: I'm not. I mean, it -- it blows my mind, knowing how many people are actually standing by me.
Aidan: One person in particular.
Kendall: Well, I -- I didn't expect it to happen, and I -- I wasn't even sure I wanted it to. But it -- all of a sudden, things just -- they just changed.
Aidan: Go on, Kendall. Rip the bandage off. I promise I won't scream. You're back with Ryan.
Greenlee: You pig.
Ryan: Excuse me?
Greenlee: You can drop the concerned friend bit now that you're back in bed with Kendall.
Ryan: What -- what does Kendall have to do with how I feel about you? Greenlee, I'm just trying to help you.
Greenlee: I don't want your help. I don't want anyone's help. Go away.
Ryan: I'm not leaving you out here in the cold.
Greenlee: I -- the cold doesn't bother me.
Ryan: Hey, what did Pablo do to get you so worked up?
Greenlee: Who said anything about him?
Ryan: Wow. This has got to be pretty bad -- you can't even say his name. What happened? Did he -- did he get hurt? Did the Calatravas --
Greenlee: Shut up, Ryan. Just shut up.
Ryan: Not until you tell me if he's all right!
Greenlee: He's fine, ok? Thanks for asking. The bomb that was meant for him missed him by a mile, but his car went out in a blaze of glory.
Ryan: Greenlee --
Greenlee: Let go of me.
Ryan: Greenlee, you swear to me that you will stay away from him.
Greenlee: Ryan, you're hurting me.
Ryan: No, you look me in the eye and you swear because I could not handle it if anything happened to you.
J.R.: So you knew? You knew about this in San Diego, that you were --
J.R.: Oh, my God.
Babe: J.R., I would give absolutely anything if we could just -- somebody could just zap us back to our little place at the motor court -- you know, the one with the bed that sagged in the middle and the shower curtains with the pink flamingos, where there was nobody waiting on us hand and foot. All we had was this microwave to nuke our -- our squeeze cheese for the nachos. God. Life was perfect.
J.R.: But you knew that it wasn't going to stay like that.
Babe: No, I didn't.
J.R.: I told you I had things I had to take care of.
Babe: And all I still want to do is just take care of you. Oh. Look, J.R. "Lofts for Rent" -- hey, maybe that's the answer. We could get a place, no Adam.
J.R.: Come on. I thought you loved it at Casa Chandler. Hmm?
Babe: I -- not near as much as I love you.
Babe: J.R., the only thing that matters to me right now is this -- you and our baby. If I had to choose between a pile of money and you, I would pick you every single time. And I don't even care if we have to live in some mud hut or some cardboard box as long as there's room enough for the three of us. I'd follow you anywhere.
J.R.: I know. But you know what? This is my big shot, right? Now, this is my big chance to become executive over there.
Babe: Well, is that really what you want? J.R., you can make a name for yourself outside of that family business. You don't have anything to prove to anyone, especially not your father. So what's it going to be, Daddy? Daily shootouts with Grandpa at the family ranch? Hmm? Or happily ever after nachos anyplace we damn well please?
Adam: J.R.'s a Chandler, and I'm not going to let him throw his legacy or his life away.
Krystal: It's his life!
Adam: The fool's notion that you can live on sunshine and lollipops came from his mother, Dixie, and I'm going to knock that out of his head if it's the last thing I ever do.
Tad: I ever hear you badmouth Dixie again, I'll do some knocking of my own.
Krystal: Tad. You were right about old sourpuss -- he's no fun at all. Could you be a -- a sweetie and get my bags from the car for me?
Adam: What, what? Your bags -- why? Why are you getting your bags?
Krystal: I'm moving in.
Adam: You're what?
Krystal: I am not going to leave my baby doll here alone with the Grinch on Christmas.
Father Clarence: Here we are, here we are. Home again, home again.
[Father Clarence hums]
Bianca: Do you live here?
Father Clarence: Ah, it's a stop along the way.
Bianca: Along the way to where?
Father Clarence: Ah. Let's get this little gentleman squared away, shall we? Ah, there.
Bianca: Here. That way, he won't get cold.
Father Clarence: Ah, there. You're a natural -- I told you.
Bianca: You know, I -- I really can't stay very long.
Father Clarence: Well, not to worry. You won't even know I'm gone. You won't even know I was here.
Bianca: You know, Father, I've -- I've been down this road hundreds of times. I -- I really don't remember ever seeing this church.
Father Clarence: Oh, we're not big on recruiting. People can always find us when they want to. Well, I'm off.
Bianca: Oh, shouldn't you make a phone call first about -- about the baby?
Father Clarence: Uh -- there's the phone. Be my guest. You take care of this young lady.
Bianca: Oh, I'm sure he'll be a perfect little angel.
Father Clarence: Close. Very close. Help yourself to the milk and cookies and keep yourself warm by the fire. Bianca, stop fretting. Life works its way out the way it's supposed to.
Bianca: Wait, he called me -- did I tell him my name? Oh, well. Wow. This is a blast from the past. Well, thank goodness for modern technology. That's weird. It's fully charged and there's no signal. Huh. Looks like Father Clarence was expecting us.
Bianca: What do you think, little one? Come here, sweetheart. Come here and sit by me. Oh. What a little angel. What a little angel child. Yes. There you are. Oh. How are you? You're so soft. Oh.
Bianca: It's like a little hummingbird. And you smell so sweet, like talcum mixed with sugar. What was your mother thinking when she bundled you up tonight? Did she kiss those rosebud lips? Did she cry when she put you down for the last time? Did she look back before she walked away? So many questions. Why couldn't she just love you? Did you remind her of something that she wanted to forget?
Greenlee: I'd swallow tacks before I'd swear anything to you.
Ryan: Well, that'd be one way to kill yourself, Greenlee. The other would be sticking with Pablo.
Greenlee: You hate Pablo.
Ryan: No, Greenlee, you hate Pablo, and not for risking your life but for risking his and leaving you graveside.
Greenlee: Stop talking like you get me. The only one who ever had a clue about me is already gone.
Ryan: And that's a damn tragedy, Leo not being --
Greenlee: Don't say his name. Just don't.
Ryan: You smell that? That wood smoke? Man, I missed that. I spent last Christmas in Palm Desert, 80 degrees, pounding shots back in a sports bar. So much for cool Yule. What about you?
Greenlee: What about me?
Ryan: What are your plans? And don't, like, scratch my eyes out if I offer to give you a lift over to Jackson's.
Greenlee: You know I see Christmas in solo. Build a fire just in case Santa gets any bright ideas to come down my chimney. There's nothing in that fat old sack that I want.
Ryan: You sure about that?
Greenlee: You want to know my wish list? Get lost, go to hell. That's what I want for Christmas.
Ryan: Well, God forbid you don't get everything you want. So go ahead, cross me off your list. Go ahead. Show the whole world that you don't need anyone, that you're all that you ever wanted. And you know what else? Tie yourself up in some, like, big, ugly bow, and spend the rest of your life trying to undo it before you hang yourself.
Greenlee: I hate you.
Ryan: Good old Greenlee. Same old Christmas, same old rut.
Greenlee: You think I'm in a rut? Look at you. When I think how much I -- forget it. Go rescue Kendall from her latest disaster and leave me the hell alone.
Kendall: Ryan and I -- well, so much for lightning not striking twice. I'm not saying it's going to work. I just -- I just want to try.
Aidan: You don't have to explain.
Kendall: I know what you're thinking. You're just -- you're just too nice to say it. You're thinking that I've already trusted Ryan once and I'm just going to fall flat on my face again.
Aidan: What's changed?
Kendall: Hell if I know, but -- but it feels right this time. Scary, but right. Sorry. Sorry, I'm sure -- like you really want to hear this.
Aidan: You can tell me anything, Kendall. I never want that to change.
Kendall: What are friends for, right? I guess times like this. You really are one of the good guys, Aidan.
Aidan: Hardly. I suppose I've learned the hard way -- when things are over, you let it go and move on. You can't go back to things that don't work. Anyway --
Kendall: So are you going to still hunt down that preacher?
Aidan: I'm going to go pay Boyd a visit. Take care of yourself.
Kendall: Yeah. I'll try.
Aidan: Come here. Oh, yeah -- if Ryan does mess you over, well, then you'll learn that I'm not one of the good guys.
Adam: Take the bags back and put them in the car.
Tad: Try not to speak. Would you prefer the Blue Room or the Peach Melba?
Krystal: Well, you know, actually, I'm kind of a red-flocked wallpaper kind of a gal. Heavy on the naked cherubs, please.
Adam: Well, then you'll love the Pine Cone Motel because you're not staying here.
Krystal: Somebody's got to protect my Babe from all your snapping and snarling, and that would be me, her mama.
Adam: I already have one guest from the depths of hell.
Krystal: Oh, come on, Scroogie. I thought family was the be-all and end-all for you.
Tad: Only if you're prepared to sign over your immortal soul.
Krystal: Well, where I come from, you don't ship family off to the roach motel.
Adam: No, where you come from, they sleep ten to a bed.
Tad: Which is why she's going to love staying here.
Krystal: Tad, please tell me J.R. doesn't take after his daddy.
Tad: No, not to worry. Fact is J.R. is Adam's son in name only.
J.R.: I take after my mom. Dad knows that.
Krystal: Well, look who we have here. I guess the honeymoon isn't over after all, is it, Adam?
Adam: J.R., we need to talk.
Babe: Good night, Mama.
Krystal: Sweet dreams, baby doll.
Adam: J.R. -- J.R.!
Krystal: True love -- doesn't it just make your heart go pitty-pat?
Tad: I don't know. I'd swear Chuckles here was going to flat-line.
Krystal: Does he always have this much trouble with anger management?
Tad: Only on days that end with a y.
Krystal: And, now, help me fill out my score card, here. Who is this Dixie that he was ranting about?
Tad: Dixie was J.R.'s mother, the love of my life.
Krystal: And she -- and she died.
Tad: She passed away, yeah.
Krystal: Listen, I -- I'm real sorry.
[Krystal tries to hug Tad.]
Tad: Nice try, but no dice.
Babe: One more kiss like that, and we won't make it out of here tonight. I'll just grab a few things, and then I'll just -- we'll have Winnie send whatever we want to wherever we end up.
J.R.: You know, we don't have to go.
Babe: But we want to. I wonder if maybe we could get our place back in San Diego.
J.R.: I mean, we don't have to -- we don't have to move out, you know.
Babe: Baby, I meant every word that I said. I love you no matter where we go or what we do.
J.R.: I know you meant it, and that's why we can stay. So my brother and my dad, they can let it rip, because they can't touch me. No one can, because I've got everything -- everything that I need right here.
Babe: I love you.
J.R.: I love you, too.
Krystal: Tad, Tad, listen. Why'd you pull away from me like a scalded pup?
Tad: Because I don't like being played.
Krystal: Can't I put out a little sympathy for your loss?
Tad: After watching you in action, I'd swear you could put out with the best of them. It doesn't matter. You could do five-fingered exercises all over my body. It's not going to change my take on this Babe situation.
Krystal: Yes, sir. I will keep my hands off you at all times, sir. Now, can we call a truce?
Tad: I guess.
Krystal: So where's the third part of this love triangle?
Tad: Jamie got upset. He took off. Brooke's out there looking for him somewhere.
Krystal: Yeah, well, he better not be drumming up trouble for Babe and J.R.
Tad: Krystal, my son is not a liar, no matter how much your daughter would have you believe it.
Krystal: So that's it. So you don't need any proof that that's your grandkid?
Tad: Doesn't matter. Whatever happens, it's going to be my grandkid. I was a father to J.R. just as much as I was to Jamie.
Krystal: So you're not going to pull an Adam if that baby doesn't carry on the Martin name?
Tad: I wasn't born a Martin. I came into this world a Gardner.
Krystal: You were adopted?
Tad: Oh, yeah. I have three, count 'em, three mothers -- the woman that bore me, the woman that raised me, and a hell of a lady who took me in as her own when I was lost in Napa Valley a while back.
Krystal: And what about your daddy?
Tad: I only have two of those. One is my hero and the other was the scum of the earth. So if biology equals destiny, but all rights I should be the meanest son of a bitch on this planet.
Krystal: So I guess I know what the moral to this story is.
Tad: It doesn't matter who the baby's real father is. What matters is who wants it and who loves it the most.
["What Child is This" plays to the melody of
"Greensleeves": What Child is this who, laid to rest on Mary's lap is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet, while shepherds watch are keeping? This, this is Christ the King, whom shepherds guard and angels sing; haste, haste, to bring Him laud, the Babe, the Son of Mary. Why lies He in such mean estate, where ox and ass are feeding? Good Christians, fear, for sinners here the silent Word is pleading. Nails, spear shall pierce Him through, the cross be borne for me, for you. Hail, hail the Word made flesh, the Babe, the Son of Mary. So bring Him incense, gold and myrrh, come peasant, king to own Him; the King of kings salvation brings, let loving hearts enthrone Him. Raise, raise a song on high, the virgin sings her lullaby. Joy, joy for Christ is born, the Babe, the Son of Mary.]
Bianca: You know, I read in a baby book that in the beginning babies focus more on sounds and not so much faces. But you're really looking at me. How is that possible? You know I'm eating for two?
Bianca: It's true. I'm going to have a tiny little bundle just like you. But you can't tell anybody. It's a secret. Shh.
Bianca: Why? Well, because I'm afraid. I'm afraid that when I look into my child's eyes, I'm going to see somebody that I don't want to see. But you don't have to worry about that. You're just an innocent little lamb. Hopefully it'll be many, many years before you know that there are big, bad wolves out there waiting to pounce. I pray that you never find out and that no harm ever comes to you. And if it does, I pray that you have the courage to find it in your little heart to forgive those who strike out against you. Forgive your mommy for not being able to love you, and don't you ever doubt that she really did.
Bianca: Oh, no, no. Please, please don't cry. Don't cry. Shh. Come here, come here. I know. Come here. Oh, don't cry. You're too new for tears. Ok. Maybe you need to cry. Maybe the two of us just need to cry together.
Bianca: Shh. Shh.
Bianca: Holding you makes everything else seem so insignificant. Why possibly worry about what's out there with you in my arms?
Bianca sings: Away in a manger no crib for your bed, the little Lord Jesus lay down your sweet head; the stars in the sky look down where he lay, the little Lord Jesus asleep on the hay.
Krystal: So I guess you're really on the same page as far as this baby is concerned -- what really counts is who wants it and loves it the most, and that will be Babe and J.R.
Tad: No argument. I just hope Jamie figures that out.
Krystal: Yeah. The sooner the better.
Tad: I got to take off. Just so you know, the second door upstairs on the left is normally prepared for unexpected guests.
Krystal: And that would be little old me.
Tad: Yeah. Just stay away from the first door.
Krystal: Why, who's in there?
Tad: Mary Smythe, artiste in residence. You go in there, you take a whip and a chair, you understand?
Krystal: And is there anybody else I should beware of?
Tad: Just Adam. You spike his blood pressure, he could blow at any moment.
Krystal: I'm ready for him.
Tad: I'm serious. He's not somebody you want on your bad side. The way he steamed out of here, I'd swear his next move will be a killer.
[Adam is at the hospital in a Santa suit]
Adam: Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! My God. How does Stuart do this every year? I feel like I've stuck my face in a bucket of ants.
Santa: Oh, Merry Christmas!
[Greenlee stuffs a wad of bills in his bucket]
Greenlee: Will this make you go away, huh?
Greenlee: Leo, why are you gone? Who's left behind for me?
Ryan [in a Santa suit]: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Christmas!
Kendall: Hey, Santa, I wasn't expecting you. I gave at the chimney on the corner.
Ryan: Tell Santa, have you been nice or naughty?
>> On the next "All My Children" --
Reggie to Erica: Here's your piece of coal.
Kendall: My inner bad girl is just dying to sit on Santa's lap again.
J.R.: I know what you're offering my wife, and it's not an appetizer.
Tad: Merry Christmas, Santa.
Bianca: I was looking for an answer, and I found it.
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