AMC Transcript Friday 12/19/03

All My Children Transcript Friday 12/19/03

By Amanda
Proofread by Gisele

Jack: Ok, Alan, you know what? You made your pitch. Now get out.

Alan: I offered a very generous deal.

Jack: Deal? You didn't even come here to deal. You came here to try to intimidate our client. And let me tell you something else -- the chance of my client taking even a court-ordered amniocentesis test is slim and none.

Alan: It goes to motive, Jack. I have the order.

Livia: We'll appeal.

Jack: And furthermore, Mrs. Cambias has nothing else to say to you right now.

Kendall: Is anyone listening to me? I said I will take any and all tests that will prove once and for all that I'm carrying Michael's baby inside of me.

Alan: And I'll be right at your side to witness it.

Kendall: Fine. I'm having his legal heir. And when that's settled, I want for you and the rest of the world to just leave me the hell alone.

Alan: Good for you, Mrs. Cambias. Don't let anyone bully you.

Kendall: Don't patronize me. I am so -- I'm so sick of all of you.

Alan: If you'll excuse me, I have to get home. First night of Hanukkah, you know. I'll be in touch about the DNA test.

Jack: Happy Hanukkah! Just spreading cheer wherever he goes. Well, that was not our finest moment, now, was it?

Livia: Ha. In the future, please do not volunteer anything to the prosecution. Is that clear?

Kendall: Yes, it's clear.

Livia: Can we clarify one other thing? If there is anything phony about this pregnancy, I need to know now before it blows up on me in court. Are you really pregnant with Cambias' child?

Greenlee: The $5 billion question. I can't wait to hear the answer.

[Maria sighs, turns out the light, and lies down]

Maria: Thank God.

[Someone walks in and places his hand over Maria's mouth.]

Krystal: Baby, look at you.

Babe: Mama, you look fantastic.

Krystal: Oh, look at you. Ooh, designer?

Babe: Mm-hmm.

[Krystal and Babe laugh]

Tad: So, I guess I'll take that as a thank-you.

Babe: I'll thank you to get your son Jamie to lay the heck off my life.

Tad: Babe, come on. I brought your mother a long way just so she could spend Christmas --

Babe: I am so thrilled to have my mama here with me. But the last thing I want her witnessing is your crazy son shooting my life up in flames.

Tad: Jamie wouldn't do that. He's a reasonable guy.

Babe: You are kidding. [Laughing] Mama, you better watch out for this one. He's as whacked out as his son is.

Tad: That's not true. I'm far more whacked out than my son.

Babe: He told my husband that I slept with him.

Krystal: We better not be talking about you.

Tad: Krystal, I'm sorry. My son Jamie -

Babe: Jamie won't about this stinking lie of his. He's yelling it to J.R. and to his daddy, and he won't shut the hell up.

Krystal: What in the name of God is that brat doing, messing with my little girl?

Tad: My son isn't a brat.

Krystal: Oh, you call ruining her life the act of a sensible person?

Tad: I think the situation is a little more complex than you know.

Babe: Yeah. Latch on to this one -- Jamie's out screaming that the baby I'm carrying is his.

Krystal: All right, you handle the boy, and I'll take care of ripping this one a new mouth since the one he's got is only good for lying.

Adam: Dr. Parker, it's an honor.

Dr. Parker: Oh, I' flattered, Mr. --

Adam: Adam Chandler.

Dr. Parker: Oh, of course. I -- you looked familiar. I just couldn't place you.

Adam: Father to Adam Chandler Jr. and father-in-law to Babe Chandler -- and concerned grandfather-to-be.

Dr. Parker: Oh, yes. Well, congratulations, Mr. Chandler.

Adam: Do you remember treating my daughter-in-law?

Dr. Parker: Oh, well, yes, indeed. She's a very popular young lady.

Adam: You don't know the half of it.

Dr. Parker: What can I do for you, Mr. Chandler?

Adam: Yes, I just need a little information on Babe's condition.

Dr. Parker: Oh, well, I'm not at liberty to give out any information. It's --

Adam: I hate to -- ahem -- I hate to worry about threats. You see, all I need is one date, just one single date -- the date that my excessively popular daughter-in-law was impregnated.

Tad: All right, let's just agree we're going to play nice, all right?

Krystal: I'm not playing. You mess with my Babe, and you're messing with me, you lying, no good son of a gun. How come you never saw fit to tell me any of this?

Tad: I didn't know.

Krystal: You never said one word about your Jamie making my daughter's life a living hell.

Babe: And it's way hotter than that, believe me.

Krystal: Lying about doing the deed, about the paternity, anything else?

Babe: Isn't that enough?

Tad: My point is I had no idea that Jamie was -- Jamie was saying any of this to anybody.

Krystal: You see? I got you.

Tad: What do you mean, you got me? Got me where?

Krystal: Because you knew he was thinking it that he might say it.

Tad: Well, for God's sakes, he's my son. Yes, ok, I admit, we did discuss the matter.

Babe: There is no matter to discuss. It's some fantasy trip that Jamie's on. There is no way that he's my baby's daddy.

Tad: I hope to God you're right.

Babe: I already told you that it's not true. There's no way that Jamie's the dad. But I can't stop him. He even tricked this doctor that I saw into saying that there could be some doubt about the actual date my baby was conceived.

Krystal: Ok, now that is way over the top. Now, you tell your son to butt out of my daughter's life.

Babe: And he's got J.R. all confused. He doesn't know who to believe. J.R.'s all distant, and he's not near as affectionate as he used to be.

Krystal: I mean it. You go home right now and you tell that boy to lay off Babe and her marriage.

Tad: I tried. So did his mother. It didn't work.

Krystal: Does everybody around here need a crash course in parenting? Because I'll be glad to give one if I have to.

Babe: I mean, isn't there something that you could probably do to, like, make Jamie -- stop him from spreading this vicious lie about sleeping with me and all?

Tad: Babe, I don't condone what Jamie's done, but I'm not convinced he's lying about anything.

Babe: And I say that he is.

Tad: And I say, for the record that I think you did sleep with him, ok? Before Jamie knew that you were J.R.'s wife.

Krystal and I believe everything my little girl says. And anybody that tangles with her is going to mess with me.

Babe: Mama, can I tell you how safe that I feel with you in my corner?

Krystal: Honey, now and always it's you and me against the world, baby doll.

Tad: You two are like a greeting card. Where's J.R.?

Babe: Why do you want to know?

Tad: I want to talk to him.

Babe: You're not going to talk bad against me?

Tad: No, Babe. The truth is I hope you and J.R. live happily ever after.

Babe: He's in the library, I think.

Tad: Thank you. I'll start there.

Krystal: [Sighing] You're going to give it up now?

Babe: Mama, I'm in so deep.

Krystal: Baby, don't you know I raised you better than to let somebody back you into a corner?

Babe: I just got in so deep so fast, I forgot some of your lessons.

Krystal: So you really did sleep with Tad's son? Knowing that he's your husband's brother?

Babe: I forgot some lessons. I didn't lose my mind. If I'd known they were related, I wouldn't be in this mess.

Krystal: Oh, Babe, what did I teach you?

Babe: To always get their names and get a peek at their driver's license if I can.

Krystal: People can be so mean and so hurtful. You've got to protect yourself.

Babe: I know. Spending that night with Jamie is probably the one stupidest thing I've ever done in my whole entire life.

Krystal: Oh, well, you're young still.

Babe: Don't say that.

Krystal: No, honey, listen to me. All this seems so terrible right now, but I promise you, in a few years, we are going to look back at this and wonder what the big deal was.

Babe: You think?

Krystal: What does Mama always say?

Babe: That we deserve the best and together we can always get it.

Krystal: There you go.

Jamie: Where's Adam? Is he back yet?

Babe: Oh, God.

Krystal: And this would be?

Jamie: He said he'd have an answer today.

Babe: Jamie.

Krystal: That would be a hard one to throw back.

Jamie: Would you guys just tell me where he's at?

Babe: What answer is Adam looking for? Jamie, what have you done now?

Jamie: Well, Adam's finding out exactly when you got pregnant and whether or not the baby's mine.

Dr. Parker: I can't give any patient's medical data to a third party. That's illegal and unethical.

Adam: Don't forget profitable. I intend to make it very profitable for you, Doctor.

Dr. Parker: Are you suggesting a bribe? Forget it. I'm not going to risk my position at this hospital.

Adam: No, no, no, you misunderstand. As a member of the board of this hospital in good standing, simply what I want to do is reward you for services rendered.

Dr. Parker: I have rounds.

Adam: No, now, doesn't it burn you that a doctor of your brilliance is here applying splints and prescribing flu shots. We both know you have a higher calling, Doctor.

Dr. Parker: Not at present.

Adam: Well, I know -- I know that your grant applications have been rejected by how many foundations?

Dr. Parker: Cretins. They can't begin to fathom my revolutionary approach to cytology.

Adam: You could serve humanity if just one of those institutions -- or a private individual such as myself -- were to forgive you the funding that you need. So isn't it fortunate that you and I are in a position to help each other? Is this enough to fund the lab of your dreams?

[Dr. Parker sighs]

Adam: Now, I wouldn't want you to compromise your ethics, Doctor. Certainly not. All I need is five minutes alone with Babe's file. Hmm? Be a giant in your field, or stay here, be a nonentity, slaving away at this backwater.

Kendall: Oh, goody, a lynch mob of one.

Jack: Greenlee, why don't you wait upstairs in your place, ok?

Greenlee: Because it's more fun down here?

Jack: Look, I'll be up. Let me just finish with Kendall, please?

Greenlee: Sure. Pencil me in on your schedule.

Jack: Honey -

Livia: Kendall, it'll be easier if I learn the truth now.

Kendall: Fine. I'm pregnant and Michael's the father. Now you're up to speed.

Livia: Okay, is there any evidence that the prosecution might present to the contrary? Because I won't be able to help you if I'm not informed.

Kendall: Can you just leave the badgering to Alan Singer and his flunkies, please? Now I have to take it from my own attorney?

Livia: You are the only person who will be able to arm us for whatever the prosecution throws our way.

Jack: Listen to her, Kendall. Livia is right. And you should be damn glad that she's on your side.

Livia: When we're in court and Alan Singer is slinging mud and parading witnesses you've never seen before, you and I are going to have to dig you out together. That's why I'm pressing you for total honesty.

Kendall: I don't like you, Miss Frye. How's that for honesty? And I sure as hell hope you don't rub the jury the wrong way since it's my life at stake.

Jack: Just take it easy, will you, Kendall, please?

Kendall: No, you know, how can I when I have the whole world that wants me dead, wants me out -- put behind bars? You know what? We'll talk later when I don't feel like committing murder. I'm done with this.

Greenlee: Decided I couldn't wait. Hooray, a slot's opened up.

Jack: Kendall -- you know, we're trying to mount a defense for you here.

Greenlee: God, who I have to kill around here to get a little attention?

Maria: I won't scream. I won't scream.

Juan Pablo: Forgive me.

Maria: What are you doing here? Is it safe to be here?

Juan Pablo: I had to see you. I need to explain.

Maria: No, no, you don't need to explain anything to me, okay. I really just want you to take care of yourself.

Juan Pablo: No one saw me enter the hospital, so one here is in any danger.

Maria: Yeah it's you that I'm worried about.

Juan Pablo: Don't be. Maria, I must apologize. I treated you horribly.

Maria: What -- oh when Carlos died?

Juan Pablo: Yes. I regret it very much.

Maria: Please, I beat myself up a lot more than you did, believe me.

Juan Pablo: That doesn't excuse me.

Maria: You thought that my negligence caused your brother's death. I thought the same thing, and when Rick reintroduced those bone fragments at postop, there was nothing else to believe.

Juan Pablo: There was more to it than that.

Maria: You were understandably upset.

Juan Pablo: I blamed you because I was a coward.

Maria: Pablo, you were brave.

Juan Pablo: No. I was afraid to blame the person who was really responsible for Carlos' death.

Maria: The Calatraves?

Juan Pablo: Myself.

Maria: What do you mean, you were responsible for his death? These people wanted revenge.

Juan Pablo: I was to look out for my brother.

Maria: No. You can't protect him every minute of every day. No one could.

Juan Pablo: Carlos was only 14 when he fled to North America.

Maria: No, no, no, please, don't do this to yourself. Don't do this to yourself. You came here the minute you found out he was here in Pine Valley, and you did everything that you could for him.

Juan Pablo: I led the Calatravases right to him. Don't you see that?

Maria: No, I don't see that. I don't see that because Edmund told me that these people had been searching for him for years. And the second he went and did that commercial or whatever he did for Fusion and that aired, it was just a matter of time.

Juan Pablo: Listen, I found Carlos first. But did I force him to leave this town? No. So, because of me, Carlos is dead.

[Knock on door]

Bianca: Who is it?

Kendall: A total waste product.

Bianca: Kendall? Hey. What are you talking about? What is wrong with you?

Kendall: Wait, hold on. Wait a minute. Bianca, why are you cleaning? You shouldn't be cleaning. I mean, your concussion -- it's not good for you.

Bianca: I'm fine, I'm fine. My baby is fine.

Kendall: Yeah, well, I wish I could say the same.

Bianca: Ok, sit down. Let me get you something.

Kendall: Like what? A brain? Or a future, maybe?

Bianca: Could you please fill me in?

Kendall: I screwed up, Bianca. I totally screwed up. I might as well have just signed a full confession and get fitted for a noose.

Bianca: It can't be that bad.

Kendall: No, it's over, Bianca. The lying, the pretending -- it's over. I blew it.

Tad: So, what's the deal? I leave town for a few days, my two favorite guys declare open warfare.

J.R.: Tad, this isn't the best time.

Tad: No, no kidding. It's the worst of times. So, are you going to tell me what happened and how you could do this to Jamie?

J.R.: Don't you got that the other way around? Jamie's the problem, not me.

Tad: J.R., you've known Jamie your entire life. You two have gotten each other through things that would've crippled other children -- death as well as divorce. So what's wrong with this picture? You honestly think you're not going to survive this thing with Babe?

J.R.: I'm fine and so is Babe because Jamie's lies were laughable. No harm done.

Tad: You're calling Jamie a liar and telling me there's no harm done? He's your brother. You love him no matter what. I raised you. I know better than anybody what he means to you. And if Dixie were here, she'd tell you the exact same --

J.R.: You hold it right there. Don't be bringing my mom into this.

Krystal: You seem like such a nice boy. Why are you making all this trouble?

Jamie: And you are?

Krystal: I'm Babe's ever-loving mama. And I do not take kindly to home wreckers, no matter how good-looking they might be.

Jamie: I'm no home wrecker.

Krystal: Well, you reap what you sow. And now that I'm around, you're in for a very unpleasant harvest.

Babe: So, where's Adam? And how does he think he can get information about my baby?

Jamie: Well, I guess he's still with Dr. Parker.

Babe: Adam went to the hospital?

Jamie: I guess. I mean, that's how I found out that you were lying about how far along you are.

Babe: I didn't lie.

Krystal: Could you excuse me for a second? I got some errands to run. Babe, could you come here, please?

Babe: Mama, you can't leave me right now.

Krystal: Where's the hospital?

Babe: Ok, you're going to go down the driveway, and you're going to take a right, and you're going to follow the big, old avenue all the way to the end. And then when you're at the end, take one more right, and then you're going to follow the blue hedges. You just can't miss it.

Krystal: Great, great, great.

Babe: You have a car?

Krystal: I'll just borrow Tad's.

Babe: Are the keys in it?

Krystal: Oh, that's right. I guess I shouldn't louse up the wiring.

[Krystal takes Tad's keys out of his jacket.]

Krystal: Ok, you just hang loose. Mama's on the job. Bye.

Babe: So, I'll tell Adam to call you once he gets back.

[Jamie scoffs]

Jamie: As if. I'm not going anywhere until I hear what Adam found out.

Adam: Doctor, I thought you believed in your work. I thought you -- I thought you wanted this funding. But if you don't, I can always revert to force. I can make your life a living hell.

Dr. Parker: You are determined.

Adam: Oh, yes, and extremely dangerous. I've ruined some very impressive people in my day. So, would you care to call a few for references?

Dr. Parker: That won't be necessary. I'm cooperating, but only because you give me no choice.

Adam: Yes, well, a man has to sleep at night.

Dr. Parker: Your daughter-in-law's file is in my office.

Adam: It'll only take a minute, and this will help for a speedy recovery.

Dr. Parker: I'll be right back.

Adam: This is not the way it looks.

Brooke: Oh, really? So then you don't mind if I call Joe Martin and the hospital board and maybe the police and do a story for the cover of "Tempo"?

Adam: Don't blow this out of proportion.

Brooke: Oh, I won't, I won't. I'll just blow you out of the water.

Jack: Kendall will come around. I think she's just feeling a little ganged up on at present.

Livia: Mm-hmm. Well, she better get over it.

Jack: She will. I'll see you back at the office, all right?

Livia: Yeah. Later.

Jack: Thanks, Liv.

Greenlee: My turn?

Jack: Well, you know, I'm kind of tempted to say no.

Greenlee: Don't be mean.

Jack: Well, why, because you've been so nice?

Greenlee: I need your advice.

Jack: Something legal?

Greenlee: About Pablo.

Jack: Oh, well, that's something easy. Stay away from him.

Greenlee: But I didn't even explain.

Jack: No, you know what? You don't have to explain. I know all about it. I know he has a team of assassins following him around. So, please, just stay away from the guy, will you?

Greenlee: What? That is so narrow. You could've helped him, you know.

Jack: I'd much rather help you.

Greenlee: Right, right, right. You're so caught up in this mundane local murder that you haven't noticed a whole bunch of South American murderers running around town.

Jack: Oh, so that's who was fixing breakfast in the kitchen this morning?

Greenlee: How can you make a joke about this? Carlos is dead.

Jack: And I'm very sorry about that. But what can I do about it? I am not a federal marshal. I am not the FBI or the INS.

Greenlee: So you don't care that I was almost killed yesterday?

Jack: Are you serious? Because you were with Pablo, right?

Greenlee: It's not his fault.

Jack: No, of course it's his fault. Take a lesson here, will you, Greenlee? Don't let this happen again. You might not be so lucky next time. Just -- look, for your sake, for my sake, just keep away from the man, will you?

Greenlee: I love him. I want you to say that you're going to help him.

Jack: Ok. All right, all right. Look, you -- I can't believe I'm saying this -- you have him call me. I'll see what I can do.

Greenlee: You know, this isn't like fixing a parking ticket.

Jack: No, I realize that. Honey, I will call Washington. I will see what assistance I can be to Pablo, ok? But right now, I have an appointment, ok?

Greenlee: You know what? You came on board as my father. I'm not going to let you leave here and go to Kendall and hold her hand when I need you.

Bianca: You told the special prosecutor that they could take your baby's DNA while he watched them do it.

Kendall: No, not "take." They don't have take anything. I offered to hand it over to them.

Bianca: Well, they still have to go through the official channels.

Kendall: Yeah, they did. He showed up with a court order in his hand.

Bianca: Well, then, Uncle Jack will fight. That'll buy us some more time.

Kendall: For what? I mean, even if I could magically get pregnant and be far enough along for them to test my baby, it still wouldn't be Michael's.

Bianca: Well, David will help us. He'll switch my baby's DNA with --

Kendall: With my nothing. Bianca, it's a nice dream, but it won't work.

Bianca: Stop being so defeatist.

Kendall: No, listen to me. David cannot perform the amniocentesis. We need a specialist. And even if we do have somebody who's willing to help us, Mr. Alan Singer won't take his eyes off of me for more than two seconds. I'm sorry, Bianca. I wrecked your life. I wrecked your baby's life. I'm so sorry.

Bianca: Would you stop it, ok? Nothing has happened yet. We're just going to have to figure out a way to make this work.

Kendall: I don't know -- I just -- I couldn't keep my mouth shut. I just went ballistic. He just made me so mad.

Bianca: Kendall, stop it. We have come too far to fold now, all right? We're going to pull this off. And nobody is going to know that you're not really pregnant.

Kendall: Would you just give it up, Bianca, ok? It's never going to happen.

Bianca: I don't want to hear that. Look, I will go somewhere where they don't know me, and I will have the amniocentesis, and I'll get a sample somehow and I'll give it to you, and -- I know it's a lot to pull off, but we're going to do it somehow.

Kendall: Even if we could make the swap -- I mean, even if we could, I can't let you undergo an amnio for me.

Bianca: It's not that risky, is it?

Kendall: Don't ask me. I've never been pregnant.

Bianca: Well, it can't be.

Kendall: How do you know that, though?

Bianca: Kendall, stop.

Kendall: How do you know?

Bianca: Would you listen to me? You need the amniotic fluid, and I can supply it. What are sisters for?

J.R.: Sure, Jamie and I -- we spent a lot of time together. I did my best when he tagged along. But let's not make more out of this than it really is.

Tad: Well, don't make less of it just because you got a pretty girl whispering in your ear.

J.R.: Ooh. Don't insult me, Tad.

Tad: You're honestly going to believe Babe and doubt your brother.

J.R.: Jamie's out of my life, and I don't miss him.

Tad: You don't mean that.

J.R.: Tad, you've been in my life for a long time. You loved my mother. You helped raise me. But that doesn't mean you get to tell me how to live my life. I don't need another Adam breathing down my neck.

Tad: No, of course not. But the fact is you may need a reality check.

J.R.: Tad, Adam's trying to dig up proof that Babe's lying.

Tad: And that's what this is about. You honestly expect me to stand around while you stick it to your brother and stand by Babe just so you can hurt Adam?

J.R.: I'm doing fine without Jamie. I'll get along fine without you, too.

Adam: Well, whoever put you on my trail -- they got it all wrong, so put your binoculars away --

Brooke: Adam, I wasn't spying on you. I'm here with my Aunt Phoebe for her annual checkup.

Adam: Oh. She's well, I hope?

Brooke: Don't even try to distract me. Get out, or I'm going to blow the whistle on you.

Adam: This is none of your business.

Brooke: Leave J.R. and Babe alone.

Adam: I am not going to desert my son when he needs me most.

Brooke: Oh, Joe's going to love this. He's going to finally be able to dump you from the board.

Adam: Don't pretend you don't have a vested interest in this. You are -- you're terrified that Babe is carrying Jamie's baby.

Brooke: Oh, what's the use? You'll know I'm lying.

Adam: You're damn right. My God, what is my crime? I'm being a concerned parent, just like you.

Brooke: Oh, oh, no, not just like me, please. Never that.

Adam: Let Joe bask in his ignorance.

Brooke: I just can't condone this.

Adam: Then just don't spoil it for me. Let me go in, find out who the baby's father is, and then I will pass it on to you once I've seen Babe's file.

[Brooke laughs]

Brooke: Oh, yeah, like I'm going to trust you to give me the truth. You want Jamie to be the father.

Adam: And you want it to be J.R. So what?

Brooke: So if you don't find the results that you want in the file, you'll fix the results to get what you want.

Adam: I'm insulted.

Brooke: Well, you're you. You will stoop to anything to get what you want.

Adam: Some women find that attractive in a man.

Brooke: Oh, shut up.

Adam: All right, what's your solution? Either let me go in and take care of it, or you come along, roll around in the muck with me.

Dr. Parker: Psst.

Jack: Greenlee, this does not involve Kendall. And I need to be in court in, like, 15 minutes.

Greenlee: Well, have your assistant get a delay or a stay or whatever.

Jack: I can't do that. Listen to me for a second, will you? This has to do with Reggie.

Greenlee: Reggie? What happened?

Jack: He evidently assaulted a police officer, and I'm going to try and keep him out of jail if I can.

Greenlee: Well, I didn't know that. But Pablo is still --

Jack: He's in danger, I know, I know. You've told me. I told you I will do anything I can to help. But right now, just promise me that you will stay away from this man and just wait here until I get back, please?

Greenlee: I can't do that. He needs me.

Jack: Greenlee -- for God's sake, will you be careful, at least?

Babe: Why do you want hurt me and my baby so bad?

Jamie: That's what I'm trying to keep from happening.

Babe: Oh --

Tad: I assume you realize I'd like to speak with you.

Jamie: I didn't even know you were here.

Tad: Oh, lucky me. Come on, let's go outside. I got a few choice words.

Jamie: Ok, but I'm not leaving.

Tad: Go. If you'll excuse us.

Babe: Get him to go home, and you can be my new best friend.

Tad: Yeah, that's all I need. Come here.

Jamie: Are you sure? It's freezing out here.

Tad: Oh, that's curious. You know, I would've sworn a red-blooded American buck like yourself wouldn't be bothered by a little cold air.

Jamie: Ow! What's up? Lay off!

Tad: Why should I? Why should I when we agreed that you were going to keep your mouth shut about sleeping with your brother's wife.

Jamie: Dad, I had to tell him.

Tad: No, you didn't! You did not. I don't care what happened. That's the problem. I go away for a few days, I come back, and I find you playing volleyball with a hornets' nest.

Jamie: Oh, my God, would you stop hitting me?

Tad: I'm sorry, I apologize. I was hoping it would jar your brain back into place. You want to tell me what the hell you were thinking? Babe is your brother's wife, ok? She likes it that way. She wants to keep it that way. So does he. That means you have to walk away. You got to kiss this thing goodbye, you understand?

Jamie: I love her, Dad.

Tad: Repeat after me -- Babe loves J.R., not me.

Jamie: Babe's afraid of J.R.

Tad: No, she's not! She loves him. She told me so. They are a couple, ok? You can't have any part in that. Three doesn't add up to a couple, James. It adds up to heartache.

Jamie: Well, actually, there's already three if you count the baby.

Tad: Why are you -- why are you fighting me on this thing?

Jamie: If Adam finds out that the baby's mine, then Babe's going to be mine, too.

Tad: Adam? You're playing with Adam? What the hell is wrong with you? Is it the baby, or have you just completely gone over to the dark side?

Dr. Parker: Who's this?

Adam: Um -- my wife.

Brooke: I haven't been that for quite some time, thank God.

Adam: All right, ex-wife, ex-wife. She's a sympathetic party. Let's have it.

Brooke: I'm sort of a witness.

Dr. Parker: I didn't agree to any witness.

Adam: She's with me, not the AMA. Just give me the file and you can leave.

Krystal: Excuse me, this Dr. Parker -- is he on duty? Where can I find him?

Nurse: That's Dr. Parker, right over there.

Krystal: Thanks a heap. Doctor? Doctor? Doctor, help. I can't see. It's like somebody pulled the shades down on my head. I fainted twice on the bus on the way over here.

Dr. Parker: You took the bus?

Krystal: Yeah, well, the nice driver, he dropped me off at the pharmacy, and I took my blood pressure, and it's 185/90. Is that bad?

Dr. Parker: Whoa -- oh, dear -- I'll be right with you.

Krystal: Thank you.

Adam: Wait a minute. He took the folder. He took -- he took the folder, Babe's folder.

Brooke: Adam, the woman is ill.

Krystal: I just know you can help me, Doctor. I know you can.

Maria: Wish I could offer you something stronger, but it's just coffee.

Juan Pablo: No, thanks.

Maria: You sure? Good choice because it's not very good.

Juan Pablo: You have things to do. I only wanted to apologize.

Maria: Well, thanks, but don't go, don't go. I -- you know, I want you to know that I -- I understand what you're going through.

Juan Pablo: Because your sister Julia was also in danger?

Maria: Yeah, but also, I mean, I understand what you're going through right now. You're heaping all this guilt on yourself, and I did that for a very long time. I really -- I felt like I had failed. I mean, I didn't commit any grievous sins, but I made some mistakes, made some wrong choices, and everybody does that. You know, you just -- we do the best we can at any given moment.

Juan Pablo: You are being kind.

Maria: No, I'm trying to talk some sense into you. That's what I'm trying to do. Is it helping? Is it working?

Juan Pablo: You and Edmund have been very good to me. I will never forget either of you.

[Knock on door]

Greenlee: Maria, are you in there? You know, mean, I'm sorry if you're with a patient or something, but I really have to talk to you. It's important. It's life or death.

Maria: Yes?

Greenlee: Thank God you're not in surgery.

Maria: What is so urgent?

Greenlee: Get on the phone and call off Edmund.

Maria: What do you mean -- what's going on?

Greenlee: He's encouraging this whole expose on the Calatravas. It could cost Pablo his life.

Maria: No, no, no, no, that was all Pablo's idea to use "Tempo."

Greenlee: Whatever. He couldn't do it without Edmund pushing the whole thing through. He's got to stop before Pablo gets himself killed.

Maria: Ok, but it's not Edmund's responsibility --

Greenlee: What, to save Pablo's life? I don't know who else is going to talk any sense into him, do you?

Maria: No. No, actually, I don't.

Greenlee: It's a stupid male thing.

Maria: Look, I know. I think it is an honor thing with him.

Greenlee: Well, it's stupid. How is sacrificing his life honorable?

Juan Pablo: Greenlee.

Bianca: Kendall, why don't we just, like, fake them out like we did at the hospital after the explosion?

Kendall: Bianca, don't you think they're going to make sure that I'm me?

Bianca: Lame idea, huh?

Kendall: You're a real gift, you know that? You are. You really are. I'm really lucky to have you as my sister.

Bianca: Me? Kendall, when I think of everything that you're doing for me --

Kendall: Well, I was doing great until I got us into this. I just think I should -- I should just tell Livia that I'm not pregnant and accept whatever deal the prosecutor offers and just throw myself at the mercy of the court.

Bianca: No. Kendall, no, not yet. We're just going to have to think harder. Because we're going to find a way to solve this. I know we will.

Kendall: Hmm. Did you hear that, little Kendallette? You have such a great mommy. Ok, sis. We will brainstorm until we hatch the master plan.

Jamie: It's not like I'm tight with Adam.

Tad: No, you're just determined to break up your brother and his wife.

Jamie: He can get information that I can't.

Tad: This is stupid, James. This is insane. I'm not going to stand here and discuss this. We will go home, and we'll talk about it there.

Jamie: Words aren't going to change anything. Unless Adam can find out that I'm not the baby's father, I'll back off.

Tad: No matter what Adam comes back and says, he's not going to be able to hand you some kind of key to Babe's heart.

Jamie: He's getting the truth out of the doctor.

Tad: What truth? What truth? All the doctor can tell Adam is when he thinks the baby was conceived. It's not like an expiration date. It's not like a picture on the back of a milk cart - -- "Hey, it happened here." Look, the fact is you and your brother slept with the same woman in a 24-hour period. God, that sounds bad. Look, it doesn't matter. All I'm trying to tell you is it doesn't matter. That doctor cannot give Adam the answer to your question.

Jamie: The only answer I need is that it's a sure thing that I can be the baby's father.

Tad: Unbelievable. In my day, we tried to avoid pregnancy. You're going after it with both guns blazing. Is this a generational thing? Cable television? The Internet? You're coming with me. I'm driving you. Where the hell's my car? I put my car right there. Where is it?

Jamie: I'd ask Babe.

Tad: No, it's not Babe. It's Krystal.

Babe: My mama just had to run a couple or errands, so she'll be back soon.

J.R.: So, your mom's pro us?

Babe: Totally. I mean, all she ever wanted was for me to find a good guy that I was totally crazy about and vice versa.

J.R.: It's so weird thinking about your parents wanting what you want versus what they think you should have. I'm so tired of my dad getting in the way of us.

Babe: And now Jamie's training to be his right-hand man. J.R., this town's bad luck for us.

J.R.: It's home.

Babe: But it doesn't have to be. All I want to do is love you and our baby, and I can do that anywhere.

Adam: What could they be doing in there?

Brooke: Adam, the woman collapsed.

Krystal: Oh, that man is a miracle worker. I can see! I can see! And my headache's gone. My blood pressure's back down to normal. I haven't felt this good in ages.

Adam: What the devil did he do to her? Babe's folder, Parker. Hand it over.

Dr. Parker: I cannot violate the ethics of my profession.

Adam: You waffling weasel.

Dr. Parker: Do your worst. I will never let you see that sweet girl's file. Any closer, I'll report you to Dr. Martin and have you ejected.

Greenlee: You heard everything I said?

Juan Pablo: I heard.

Greenlee: Then you know why you have to stop.

Juan Pablo: Don't worry.

Greenlee: No, you won't go. You can't.

Juan Pablo: It is not safe for us here. I will find a place where we can be together.

Greenlee: Oh, you will? We can go away together? I'll go anywhere, anywhere, as long as you let this revenge thing go.

Juan Pablo: Remember how brave Carlos was. I can be no less.

Greenlee: Well, sometimes it takes more courage to walk away, doesn't it?

Juan Pablo: I will be with you before I leave Pine Valley. Somewhere safe. I have been here too long. My car may be seen downstairs. I must go.

Greenlee: Pablo.

Bianca: Thanks for helping me get cleaned up.

Kendall: Yeah, well, it's the least I can do since I'm messing up your life.

Bianca: We're going to talk to David. He'll be able to help us out.

Kendall: Bianca, I just -- I feel like it's time to surrender. I don't think there's any way anybody can possibly salvage this.

Ryan: I'll give it a shot. What? What do you have to lose?

Babe: Mama, aren't you going to say hi?

Krystal: Well, can't a proud mother-in-law enjoy the view for just a second?

[J.R. and Krystal laugh]

Krystal: Oh, Babe said you were handsome. Ooh, that baby's going to have some fantastic genes!

Adam: Dr. Parker was a lock until that witch worked her magic on him.

Brooke: Well, it was surreal. The timing was bizarre.

Adam: When I find that tramp again, I --

Brooke: Oh, relax. What are the chances of that?

J.R.: Well, Dad, have we got a surprise for you.

Babe: Say hi to my mama.

Krystal: Howdy. I guess that makes us family. Isn't that a kick?

[Krystal giggles]

Maria: I -- I just think that you have to accept Pablo the way he is. I mean, he is set on protecting you. He would --


Maria: My God, what was that?

Greenlee: What was that?

Maria: It was out in the parking lot.

Greenlee: Oh, my God. It's Pablo's car.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Krystal: It's Christmas. We're family. We should be decking the halls instead of each other.

Erica: Myrtle, if I had my way, I would cancel the entire holiday.

Kendall: Ryan's plan may be our only way out of this.

Greenlee: I can't believe this is happening to me.

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