AMC Transcript Tuesday 11/25/03

All My Children Transcript Tuesday 11/25/03

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

[J.R. and Babe laugh]

Babe: J.R., stop. I'm pregnant, not dead.

J.R.: I thought you said you wanted me to carry you.

Babe: Are you going to do this the whole time till the baby comes?

J.R.: Why not?

Babe: Well, because I'm going to be a porker pretty soon.

J.R.: Good. Keep me in better shape, better than the gym.

Babe: And it's a lot more fun.

J.R.: I'll do whatever it takes to keep you safe.

Babe: Are you worried?

J.R.: I don't know. Jamie's got me thinking.

Babe: Oh, Jamie -- well, what'd he say?

J.R.: Well, you know how he always comes up to me when he's bent out of shape about something? Well, this time it was about you and the baby.

Adam: Well, who's the father here? You or Jamie?

Ruth: And I don't want Adam Chandler at my Thanksgiving dinner. Well, now -- oh, what's all this? Oh, please.

Tad: What are you talking about? What is all this? You just told us to move everything aside for the table, right?

Ruth: Yes, yes, I did. But, darling, it has to look presentable, I mean, so we can sit and have a civilized conversation.

Tad: With Adam? We'll probably be chucking creamed corn at each other within 10 minutes.

Ruth: Yes, you probably will. But at least we should start out looking civilized. Please.

Joe: Sweetheart, we had to ask Adam in order to get J.R. and his bride. It was a package deal.

Ruth: I know, and only for J.R. would I put myself through this.

Jamie: What about Babe?

Ruth: As I said, only for J.R. This table has to be moved, and these chairs, please --

Tad: Mom, Mom, we were doing that before you told us to do this. This is why people don't like to come home for the holidays.

Ruth: Darling, darling, darling, I know. I know that you will do this perfectly, as you always do.

Tad: Oh, all right.

Ruth: Just wait until you taste my turkey. I think I've outdone myself.

Joe: Well, you always do, sweetheart. You always do.

Ruth: Oh, you know what I'm thinking? Won't it be nice next year? We'll have a little one at the table --

Joe: Mm-hmm.

Ruth: With -- courtesy of the newlyweds.

Joe: Mm-hmm.

Ruth: Oh, holidays mean so much when a baby is around.

Joe: Uh '

Bianca: Well, you're good, David. I didn't feel a thing.

David: Yeah, well, that was the easy part.

Bianca: You can do this, can't you?

David: If you want to switch a vial of your blood with Kendall's blood in front of Maria Grey, a lab technician, and Ryan Lavery and heaven knows who else, I am your man. All we need now is an official Pine Valley Hospital label with Kendall's name written on it.

Bianca: This has to work.

David: You know what you're doing?

Bianca: Yeah. We're ready.

David: "We're"?

Bianca: Me and my baby.

David: Then how can we go wrong? Hey.

Bianca: Thank you.

David: Sure.

Jack: Good morning.

Greenlee: No time to bond, Dad. I got to go.

Jack: Where?

Greenlee: To the hospital, to see Kendall exposed as the world-class liar that she is.

Jack: You're not going anywhere.

Kendall: Well, I'm ready. Nothing up my sleeves except nice, rich veins full of pregnancy hormones running wild.

Ryan: Fingers steady, palms are pretty dry. You can pass a lie-detector test, but this one, Kendall, I don't think so.

Kendall: I already know I'm pregnant. Now I'm going to prove it to you and the rest of the world.

Erica: Not if I have anything to do about it.

Jack: Where were you last night?

Greenlee: Do you know how old I am?

Jack: Just tell me, please.

Greenlee: I was upstairs, at home, by myself. Why?

Jack: Because I was worried about you, that's why.

Greenlee: I am perfectly fine.

Jack: Where's the brace for your arm?

Greenlee: In the garbage. I'm all better.

Jack: You sure your arm is all right?

Greenlee: Positive. I'm sorry if I worried you, but if I don't leave now, I'm going to be late.

Jack: Tell me something, Greenlee -- were you the one that told Erica that Kendall is claiming to be pregnant?

Greenlee: You can thank me for that later. If I don't leave now, I'm going to miss the biggest show since "Millionaire." Right? Ok.

Jack: Why didn't you tell me?

Greenlee: You weren't here. Erica was.

Jack: Why didn't you wait for me to come back?

Greenlee: Ok, I get what I did was bad. You want to tell me why?

Jack: You know that Erica's gunning for Kendall, right?

Greenlee: You go, girl.

Jack: No, not "you go, girl." If you had told me first, I might have been able to stop her.

Greenlee: Why shouldn't Erica be gunning for Kendall? Kendall's been gunning for her ever since she set foot in this town. It's no kids' stuff anymore. She marries Michael Cambias, she steals Enchantment, and now she's claiming to have a bun in the oven with her sister's rapist's genes multiplying as we speak.

Jack: Yes, yes, yes, she did all that.

Greenlee: So why shouldn't she be held accountable? By me, by Erica, by all of us?

Jack: Because you don't get to decide what Kendall deserves. You don't get to decide what Kendall's punishment is.

Greenlee: So you expect me to sit back and watch Kendall slice and dice me and Erica and get away with it?

Jack: Yes, that's exactly what you should do.

Greenlee: Whose side are you on, anyway?

Reggie: Frankly, Jack, I was going to ask you that same thing.

Ryan: Erica, look, I know that you're -- you're upset about all this, but I can handle it.

Erica: I have to be here, Ryan.

Kendall: But how did you even know that I'd be here?

David: I told her.

Kendall: Well, who the hell told you?

David: I used to be highly regarded in this hospital.

Kendall: Yeah, before you drugged half the town.

Erica: Dr. Hayward is here at my request.

Ryan: Erica, you don't want him here.

Kendall: I hope that -- you don't think I'm going to let him take my blood?

Maria: No, I am conducting the test. David, there's no reason for you to even be here.

Erica: Dr. Hayward is here on my behalf to witness the entire test-taking process. Kendall is capable of doing anything. You know that as well as I do.

Ryan: Yeah, but Hayward could outdo Kendall on one of his bad days.

David: Gee, shall I take that as a compliment?

Maria: Ok, look, neither one of you should be here, so I'd really like for both of you to leave right now.

Erica: I have every right to be here. I am CEO of Enchantment, so my entire future rests on the outcome of this test, Maria, not to mention the sheer ghastliness of her claim and what that's going to do to Bianca.

Maria: Erica, we all care about Bianca.

Erica: Maria, look, I know who David is and I know what he's done. But I have to assure you, the only reason he's here is to protect Bianca, to protect Bianca from this lie that Kendall has made up that she's pregnant with Cambias' baby. She's only done this out of greed and selfishness, and she cannot be allowed to get away with it.

Ryan: All right, Hayward can stay if it's all right with you, Maria.

Kendall: It's not all right with me. No, he's just -- he's just Erica's little sidekick here. How do I know he won't pull something and try to make it look like I'm not pregnant?

David: And how could I possibly do that?

Maria: Because I'll be personally supervising every step of the test.

Kendall: Oh, and that's supposed to make me feel better? You're Ryan's new best friend, and he wants this test to be negative just as much as this gruesome twosome.

Erica: Well, guess what, Kendall -- everybody in town knows you're a liar. That's why you can't find a witness to stand up for you. Nobody believes you any more than we do.

Aidan: I'll be her witness.

Kendall: Oh, Aidan, thank you. Thank you so much, but you really don't need to do this.

Aidan: Hey, do you want a witness? You've got one. Everybody here knows that I can be trusted, right? Right, Maria?

Maria: Yes.

Kendall: You know what, Aidan? I've put so much on you already. You don't have to be there to cover for me again.

Aidan: I am here because I want to be, so let's get on with it, shall we?

Kendall: All right. All right. Ok. Let's do it. Baby needs a few billion bucks.

Erica: Oh. Is there no limit?

Maria: Ok, I'm going to need you to sign some release forms.

Kendall: Ok.

Ryan: Devane to the rescue again, huh?

Aidan: Yep, that's right. Got a problem with that?

Ryan: You just keep your hands where I can see them.

Erica: David?

David: What?

Erica: You have to really keep an eye on Kendall. I mean, I wouldn't put anything past her. Even she may have a poor pregnant woman's blood hidden on her somewhere.

David: Oh, come on, Erica, not with Maria there.

Erica: Maria's no match for Kendall.

David: But I am.

Erica: Well, you just have to be very careful, ok? I mean, you know how much depends on this.

David: All right, ok.

Jamie: My hand slipped and --

Ruth: Never mind, darling. As long as it makes it through the day -- and we all do. Oh, Adam is going to need a keeper. Maybe I should call Mary Smythe.

Tad and Jamie: No!

Ruth: All righty, I won't.

Jamie: Well, that's more turkey for us.

Tad: Not to mention creamed corn.

Joe: Sweetheart, where's that list of last-minute items you want me to get?

Ruth: How did you know I made a list?

Joe: Oh, you always have a list.

Ruth: It's in the kitchen, smarty-pants.

Tad: Enough is enough. You have got to stop obsessing about Babe and this baby.

Jamie: I want to quit thinking about it, Dad. I wish I could.

Tad: Help me with this thing. Carefully, ok? Honestly, you had to go lose your virginity. I mean, you had to literally go lose your virginity. No stopping that little force of nature, you know? Just start by putting these in. This is driving me insane. This is, like, great during the holidays.

Jamie: Well, jeez, Dad, I mean, with someone who ends up being my brother's wife?

Tad: It's happened once, it'll happen again, ok? Just ask Jackson and Erica. Hand me that thing.

Jamie: Babe got pregnant, Dad.

Tad: We've been through this, all right? A couple of times. You did everything you could to make sure that that wasn't going to happen, right? Now, I know, I know. But the odds are still, like, 99 to one that the baby isn't yours.

Jamie: What if I -- I mean, that was the first time I ever -- you know -- what if -- what if I did it wrong?

Tad: I sincerely doubt you were stumped by the engineering challenges inherent in the situation. I mean, when you make your bed, you manage to get the pillow in the pillowcase.

Jamie: Dad!

Tad: Well, what do you want me to say? I mean, honestly, you're just feeling bad because you feel like you did something rotten. And now you want to be punished. Get the bottom one. And I'm sorry. I wish I could help you out, but, you know, I don't think "No video games" is going to cut it. So either you got to learn to walk away from this thing or learn to live with it without letting it beat you up. What the hell are you doing?

Jamie: I have to find out the truth, Dad. I have to hear it from her.

Brooke: Hear what from whom?

Babe: So Jamie's concerned about me and the baby? So what? I think it's real sweet.

J.R.: Why shouldn't he be?

Adam: Well, I'm just surprised that -- well, Jamie has so much on his mind right now -- college and -- and sports and girls. I can't imagine that he has the time to worry about Babe's pregnancy. What does it have to do with him?

J.R.: Jamie and I are tight. He loves me. Therefore, he cares for Babe and my child.

Adam: Of course he does. And so do I, very much. That's why I've asked Barry to draw up papers for the baby's trust fund.

Babe: How big a trust fund?

Adam: I want you to be assured that the future of your child, Adam Chandler III, will be totally secured.

J.R.: My child will not be named Adam Chandler III.

Adam: Well, of course, if he turns out to be a she --

J.R.: Thanks, but no, thanks. Keep your trust fund.

Adam: I'm just trying to help.

J.R.: We don't need your help. I can take care of my wife and baby.

Adam: Well, you think maybe you should ask your wife what she thinks about this?

Babe: Oh, I'm with J.R. on this. He's totally in charge of our child's financial and -- finances.

Adam: Well, I didn't mean to offend anyone.

J.R.: Good. Fine.

Adam: J.R., I'm -- I'm just trying to make up for the way I reacted when I heard about Babe's pregnancy. If I'm not doing it right --

J.R.: You can offer a ton of money, and I'm not going to forget that you said that the kid wasn't mine.

Adam: I'm deeply sorry about that.

J.R.: Call Barry, tell him to scratch the trust fund. Babe and my child can depend on me.

Adam: Well, I'm glad to hear that. I'm very proud of you.

Babe: Not as proud as I am.

Adam: But you know that everything that I have --

J.R.: Drop it. Ok?

Adam: Certainly, certainly.

Babe: Honey, what about the flowers that we said we were going to take to the Martins today? Why don't you go out to the greenhouse and pick them? I'm going to go get a big old glass of milk from the kitchen.

J.R.: All right.

Adam: Babe, why don't you stay put? I'll be glad to go get that glass of milk for you.

Babe: You want to get me a glass of milk as much as I want to drink one.

Adam: I beg your pardon?

Babe: Look, I'm on to you. So why don't you do us both a favor and drop this friendly granddaddy act? You're still out to get me, and I know it.

Stuart: J.R.? Oh. You ok?

J.R.: Uncle Stuart. How do you do it? How do you love my father so much? And you've put up with him since you were born.

Stuart: Oh, since before.

J.R.: Yeah, well, I mean, how do you do it? I mean, it's --

Stuart: How can I not do it? He's -well, he's my brother. It's just like you and Jamie. You guys -- you forgive each other anything, and I've heard you carry on like a couple of badgers in a hen house.

J.R.: Yeah, but it's not the same, though. I've never really, like, wanted to punch Jamie the same way I want to hit my dad sometimes.

Stuart: Don't talk about your dad like that.

J.R.: Yeah, but it's true. You know, I actually think that I hate him sometimes. I think I'd be happier if I never see him again.

Stuart: J.R., you -- you got away from here in a big ship, and you could have gone anywhere in the world and made a home for yourself, but you came back here. Why did you do that? You didn't do that because you missed me and missed Jamie and --

J.R.: Why does my dad always have to be right? Why can't he listen? I know how to live my life. You know, in fact, I think I know how to live his life, and he'd be a lot happier.

Stuart: Oh. Yeah? Yeah, probably. He's not very good at hearing the other person's side of stuff. He doesn't do that very well. He -- you know, he -- he just doesn't understand how much you love Babe.

J.R.: He doesn't have a clue. I could be really happy with Babe, but I just keep thinking it's going to get screwed up.

Stuart: You mean by your dad?

J.R.: Maybe. Maybe something else.

Stuart: I'm listening.

J.R.: Babe's going to have a baby, Uncle Stuart.

Stuart: You -- you're going to have a -- you're going to -- you mean a brand-new one?

[Stuart laughs]

Stuart: Well, that's -- oh, that's great! That's great! But what -- what is not to be happy about that?

J.R.: Because I'm scared. I don't think I can be the father to this baby.

Brooke: You know, if you're having a conversation that you don't want me in on, it's perfectly fine.

Jamie: Well, great.

Tad: No -- just that, ok, we knew that you were bringing over the dessert, right? Your world-famous apple pies. Now, five minutes ago, Mom said she was going to make some of her own, so we were just going to clear up the situation and make sure there were no awkward moments, because everybody knows that your pies are the best.

Brooke: Oh --

Ruth: Hello, Brooke.

Brooke: Oh, Ruth. I have six apple pies in the car.

Ruth: That is what we agreed on, isn't it? Would you like me to help you bring them in?

Brooke: Oh, sure.

Ruth: Well, come this way because I want you to look at the bird. And -- oh --

Brooke: Are you all right?

Ruth: You fellows are going to take care of this today!

Tad: It's his fault. I told him not to leave it there.

Ruth: Come on, Brooke. Were you able to get enough volunteers to help serve at the shelter today?

Brooke: Yes, I was.

Tad: Pies? That's the best you could come up with, is pies?

Jamie: I panicked. But I got to go.

Tad: No, you don't! Look, I understand this thing is eating at you, but can't you just try to forget about it for a few hours? I mean, it's Thanksgiving. What's the point of torturing yourself today?

Jamie: I'm going to be tortured until I find out the truth.

Tad: And you think you're going to get that from Babe? If she's been lying to you, she's just going to keep on lying to you.

Jamie: I can tell if she's lying to me.

Tad: No, you can't. You're my son and I love you, but in this you take after your mother completely. Ok, you are devoid of the lying gene.

Jamie: You're not.

Tad: Thank you.

Jamie: So teach me. How do I tell when a really good liar's lying to me?

Tad: If the person lying looks you in the eye directly, well, they're telling a lie to you, then that's one way, I guess.

Jamie: Cool. Got it.

Tad: No, wait a minute, wait a minute. What did Babe say to you after you found out she was married, you'd slept together? I mean, you must have confronted her, right?

Jamie: Yeah. She said that it was a mistake and that the only reason she did it was because she was afraid of meeting J.R.'s rich family and fitting in and, like, that it was, like, a last fling for her.

Tad: And you believed her?

Jamie: Yeah. Until she kissed me.

Tad: You're going to have to stay away from Babe.

Jamie: I wish I could.

Tad: James, there isn't a chance you're considering interfering with your brother's marriage, is there, because you've still got the hots for her?

Brooke: The hots for who?

[Crash]

Brooke: Oh! Oh, boy.

Adam: I was wrong to doubt you. That was a mistake. But I have money. I have enough money that I certainly wouldn't want to be guilty of abandoning my grandchild. So I intend to be very kind, very good to both of you from now on.

Babe: You sound just like Jason Hanover back home. He promised to get me on "The Bachelor" if I'd sleep with him first.

Adam: Was the sex worth it?

Babe: I didn't buy it from him, and I'm not buying it from you. You got something planned for me, and it's nothing good. So come on. Bring on your next move. Hit me with it.

Reggie: If Kendall's going after Erica, you're going to have to stop her.

Greenlee: Finally, someone agrees with me.

Reggie: Well, trust me, I didn't do it on purpose.

Greenlee: When did you suddenly decide that Kendall was right and I'm wrong?

Jack: No, Kendall isn't right, but you aren't right, either, and you're the one that matters to me.

Greenlee: You could have fooled me.

Jack: Greenlee, here's what you did -- you butted in where you don't belong.

Greenlee: I butt in where and when I want to.

Reggie: And isn't that the truth.

Greenlee: If being part of this family doesn't entitle me to my own opinions --

Jack: You're entitled to any opinion you want. You're also entitled to be told when you've screwed up royally.

Reggie: Yeah, he tells me often enough.

Greenlee: Well, forgive me if I've screwed up, but what about Bianca? That's why I went to Erica.

Jack: Is that the only reason?

Greenlee: Actually, Erica didn't ask me for my reasons.

Jack: Ah.

Greenlee: She just thanked me very generously from the bottom of her heart for looking out for her the way I did.

Reggie: Well, if Greenlee and Erica made peace, then I smell a wedding. How about you? Wedding?

Jack: Shush, shush. You know what I think happened? I think Erica told you the very same thing that I'm telling you right now -- stay the hell out of this.

Greenlee: I find out that Kendall is claiming to be pregnant with Michael Cambias' child, and I'm supposed to do nothing about it?

Reggie: Wait, wait, wait, Kendall's pregnant with who?

Greenlee: She's not. She couldn't be, since that papa, the pervert, was a frozen side of beef when she supposedly conceived little junior.

Jack: Oh, please, as right now, will you please, please just let this go!

Greenlee: But it's beyond ridiculous, and Ryan and I are going to prove it.

Jack: Don't put yourself in the middle between Erica and her daughters.

Greenlee: Bianca is my cousin. You can't ask me to be a member of this family and then ask me to ignore that. If I want to protect her from the likes of Kendall, I will.

Reggie: So will I.

Greenlee: The question is, why don't you want to do that yourself?

Jack: I do want to protect Bianca, but not at Kendall's expense.

Reggie: Look, to hell with Kendall, all right, Jack?

Greenlee: What if Kendall gets away with this for a while? Don't you realize how much it's going to hurt Bianca? Until Kendall is nailed, Bianca has to live with the idea that her sister is carrying her rapist's child. It's inhuman. Why am I the only one that sees that?

Erica: Oh, baby, you shouldn't be here. You don't need to deal with this.

Bianca: I couldn't stay away.

Erica: But I didn't want you to even know. Who told you? Did Greenlee tell you?

Bianca: No. Nobody told me. I was there when Kendall made her big announcement. I didn't believe it then, and I don't believe it now. No one believes you, Kendall. Stop lying. Admit it's all a lie.

Kendall: It's not, Bianca. I'm having Michael's child. You might as well face it. But believe me, it has nothing to do with you.

Erica: Nothing to do -- just don't say another word to her. Every word out of your mouth is a lie, it's cruel, it's vile. You live to hurt people, but you know what? You will not hurt Bianca again. I won't let you, not anymore.

Kendall: You know, she's about to start repeating herself, so are you going to take my blood or not?

Maria: Yep, let's do it.

Ryan: Hey, Bianca, I am truly sorry for everything.

Bianca: Just prove it's a lie, Ryan. Please.

Maria: Arm, please. Maria: Make a fist.

Stuart: I know it's not easy being a dad. Oh, I know. I can see why you're being a little bit scared by it, but billions and billions and billions of dads have done it before you, and they came out all right. I think you're going to be one of the best.

J.R.: Yeah, well, how can I be a father my baby needs? I can't even be the husband Babe needs. Lord knows I haven't had the best role model for fatherhood.

Stuart: That's true, that's very true. That's right. But -- but I know he doesn't always show it right, but he really does love you.

J.R.: Yeah, but his love comes at such a high price. I'll never make my kid pay the way that Adam made me pay, and the way he's made Skye and Hayley and, someday, Colby, I'm sure.

Stuart: But you had an advantage, you know, a big advantage -- your mom. You are Dixie's kid, too, you know, and I bet there's going to be a whole lot of stuff that you learned from her is going to be with you all your life.

J.R.: You know, some of the best Thanksgivings I ever had were with her. Just me and her in Pigeon Hollow in our little house. It's not like we had a lot of money, but she always managed to make a great big feast. She'd make this great big turkey, and we'd be eating turkey till New Year's.

Stuart: Yeah. You were lucky to have such a great mom.

J.R.: Yeah. She was perfect.

Stuart: Well, she wasn't perfect. Perfect -- you know, she made some mistakes, and some of them made you real mad.

J.R.: Yeah, but her mistakes didn't scar me like my dad's. Why is that?

Stuart: Well, luckily, your dad is still here. So you have time to figure it out.

J.R.: Yeah. You know, when Babe first told me she was pregnant, all I kept thinking about is how happy -- God, I wish she was still here.

Stuart: J.R., she is here. She's right here. She's right here. She was here when you heard about the baby, and she's here right now.

J.R.: Maybe.

Stuart: Her love for you is still here, too, and the part of her that makes you such a good person! That's here, too.

J.R.: So I guess when I have questions about fatherhood, I'll look to you?

Stuart: Good luck!

Babe: So what are you going to do? Just sit around and wait for me to screw up? Well, I'm safe then, because it's not going to happen.

Adam: You know, you have no reason in the world to believe this, but if I thought you would make my son happy, next to him, I would be the best friend you have in the world.

Babe: J.R. is happy.

Adam: For now.

Babe: You ever see me staring at you, Pops? No? I'm surprised, because I do it all the time. Try to picture you out of your handmade shirts and your $3,000 suits. Nothing like that. I try to picture you back in the day in your Jethro duds in the town of Pigeon Poop. You know what? I can't see it because this is the real you.

Adam: Well, I really couldn't say.

Babe: I'm sure of it. You know how I'm sure? Because most people don't become their real selves until they're all grown up and they've had a little luck.

Adam: Then again, some people are destined to live and die in Pigeon Poop.

Babe: You've worked real hard for everything you got, Adam, and I know how much it cost you. I admire you. I even like you, surprise, surprise. And one day you're going to get a chance to repay that favor, someday, when I get a chance to show you the real me.

Adam: I look forward to that day.

J.R.: Whoa, I'm not laughing. No -- I know it's not funny, Ruth. Yeah, I can bring a set of dishes from over here. Well, give me five minutes to put in the box. I'll be there in a bit, all right?

Babe: I can't be ready in five minutes.

J.R.: Well, sure, you can. Just throw something on. You look great.

Babe: I'm not going for great. I'm going for perfect.

J.R.: All right, let me put it in the boxes, and I'll get there as soon as I can, but I have to come back for Babe. Hey, look on the bright side. At least Grandpa didn't take the chain saw to the turkey again. All right, I'll see you in a little bit. Bye.

Adam: There's no reason for you to have to come all the way back here. I'll be happy to escort Babe to the Martins' whenever she's ready.

J.R.: Uh -- I'm fine with that.

Babe: No, that's a great idea. It's ok. Your dad's not going to throw me in the trunk and mail me off to Alaska. I'm carrying the future of the Chandlers right here.

Ruth: J.R. said that he's going to bring over a complete set of Chandler dishes.

Tad: Great. It means Adam's already on his way.

Ruth: No, I don't think so. J.R.'s going to drop them off first thing, go back and get Adam and Babe. Sweetheart, Jamie, would you go upstairs. Do me a favor -- the second closet -- the shaving dish -- bring it down?

Jamie: Yeah, sure.

Ruth: Thank you, honey. You -- you do this on purpose so that I won't ask you to repair anything.

Joe: Honey, it was fine, yesterday. Fine.

Ruth: Oh, yeah, uh-huh, sure.

Joe: The dishes were too heavy, that's all.

Ruth: Oh, it's my fault. The dishes were too heavy. My dishes.

Brooke: And who is Jamie still hot for?

Tad: He must be horribly embarrassed. That's the last of the wedding china.

Brooke: I heard you talking to our son.

Tad: Well, you heard wrong.

Brooke: Fine. Be that way.

Tad: Brooke, come on, Jamie can't have his mother butting into his sex life all the time. It's humiliating. I mean, he's not a child.

Brooke: Well, he's not a man either.

Tad: Well, for his sake, I vote we give him the benefit of the doubt and just pretend that he is.

Brooke: Well, what kind of advice are you giving him?

Ruth: Brooke, I could really use your help in here.

Tad: They could really use your help in there.

Ruth: Brooke, please?

Tad: Try not to break anything.

Brooke: You are not very amusing.

Tad: Come here. Give me this.

Jamie: Mom was all in my business again?

Tad: Never mind your mother. This is between you and me. I asked you a direct question, and you ignored me.

Jamie: What was it again?

Tad: Your brother's marriage.

Jamie: Oh, if I want to break it up?

Tad: Mm-hmm.

Jamie: What do you think? No, I don't want to see J.R. hurt.

Tad: All right, then would you promise me, please, you will just try to leave this thing alone for a while?

Jamie: Ok, I promise I'll leave it alone.

Tad: I really wish you hadn't looked me in the eye when you said that.

Jack: Greenlee, you know Kendall is in enough trouble as it is.

Greenlee: Oh, you mean that little murder suspect thing? You're still the D.A. Why don't you make it go away if you love her so much?

Reggie: Look, if he could, he would, for all of us.

Jack: Reggie, just let me handle this, please.

Reggie: Fine.

Jack: Thank you. I don't think there's much I can do for Kendall in regard to the murder investigation, but I can make sure that her relationship with her mother doesn't become any worse than it already is. So stop trying to cause trouble for them and yourself.

Greenlee: Well, I have a lifetime of experience there. Don't you remember? I warned you that sooner or later I'd do something really rotten, something that would make you ever stop loving me?

Jack: Well, I hate to disappoint you, but you haven't even come close yet.

Greenlee: But I'm just getting started. I told you I wasn't the good little daughter you always wanted. It's not even in me because my parents weren't even around me long enough to put it there, including you, Daddy Dear. So, if I'm not what you expected, you were warned. And if you don't want me around, I'm out of here.

Jack: Just stop it. Stop it right this second.

Erica: Please, go home, darling.

Bianca: No, Mom, not till I get the results of this test.

Erica: But we know what those results are going to be.

Maria: I'll take this to the lab.

Kendall: Bianca --

Erica: No, don't -- don't you come near her.

Kendall: Bianca, I didn't ask you to come here today, ok? It's the last thing I wanted.

Erica: No, what you want is to bring us all down in flames.

Kendall: You know what? I'm not going to keep quiet about my baby just because you can't handle it.

Erica: I told you to leave her alone.

Kendall: Sooner or later, you're going to have to deal with what Michael did to you, get over it, and get yourself a life!

Bianca: You're not going to get away with that.

[Screams and yelling]

Jack: Now you listen to me, Little Missy. I have not stopped loving you, and I never will, but I expect the members of my family to help each other, to support each other, not to cause trouble for each other.

Greenlee: The last time I saw her, Kendall declared war. Doesn't that matter?

Jack: No.

Greenlee: She's stabbed me and Erica and Bianca in the back again and again. Or maybe you're saying that she hasn't.

Jack: No, she has. The point I'm trying to make is that I expect better from you.

Greenlee: If what Kendall did was ok and what I did isn't, then maybe I shouldn't be a part of your damn family, which is fine by me.

Jack: But it's not fine by you, and it's not fine by me, and I'll tell you something else -- don't expect to get a pass for bad behavior every time you bring up your miserable childhood, because that doesn't work. And I'll tell you something else -- both of you -- it's Thanksgiving, and I want a nice family Thanksgiving! I want my family! And since you're a part of my family, I want you at the Valley Inn no later than 3:00 this afternoon.

Greenlee: Don't hold your breath.

[Door slams]

Reggie: Well, Jack, you did it this time, huh?

Kendall: Let me go!

Ryan: Break it up!

Maria: Can we do this test, please, and get it over with?

Bianca: You're an evil, evil, sick monster, just like Mom said.

Kendall: If I'm like that, it's because of her.

Maria: What the hell did you do?

David: What the hell are you talking about? I didn't do anything.

Aidan: He didn't. I never took my eyes off of him.

Ryan: Just back off.

Bianca: I can't believe you slept with him, knowing what he did to me, knowing what kind of person he is. Kendall, you are pure evil.

Kendall: Oh, really? Ok, well, Lena slept with him, and you don't think she's evil. Actually, you think she's pretty sweet.

Jack: So now what? You're going to start in on me?

Reggie: Yes. Did you and Erica talk about what Greenlee told her about Kendall?

Jack: Yes, of course we did.

Reggie: Did you tell Erica to back off Kendall like you just told Greenlee?

Jack: Yes, Reggie. In fact, that's exactly what I did.

Reggie: Then why didn't you come to me before doing something so stupid?

Jack: Gee, I guess because I didn't realize I had to clear my conversations with you.

Reggie: When you told Erica to back off Kendall, when you stuck up for Kendall, what did she do, huh? What did she do?

Jack: She went looking for David Hayward.

Reggie: Hmm.

Jack: Reggie, what -- what's wrong?

Reggie: Look, man, you asked me to be a member of this damn family, and it's not going to be a real family till you marry Erica. Don't you get that?

Jack: Reggie --

Reggie: God --

[Phone rings]

Jack: Montgomery residence, sort of. Oh, hi, hi. Yeah, no, I'm sorry. I meant to call you back to confirm. I'm going to need a fairly large table, actually. Let me think. There's Erica and Bianca and Greenlee and Reggie and Maggie and Myrtle and myself -- seven. I need a table for seven at 3:00. Great. Thank you so much for calling back. Yeah. Yeah, looking forward to it, mm-hmm. Bye. Of course, the way it looks now it's just going to be Myrtle and me.

J.R.: Hey.

Brooke: Hey, J.R.

J.R.: Happy Thanksgiving!

Tad: J.R., let me help you with that.

Brooke: I'll get Jamie.

Joe: What? Jamie's gone. He said he had to run an errand before he could even think of turkey.

Adam: Oh, good grief, that little princess thinks she's dressing for her coronation.

Babe: So what do you think?

Erica: Kendall, you stay away from her. Do you understand me?

Kendall: Oh, well, who attacked who, Erica?

Ryan: Hey, Kendall, Kendall, knock it off.

Kendall: What? Me? You know what? I don't need either one of you, ok? I have my baby now, and that's the only family I'll ever need.

Erica: You have nothing, as we will all soon find out.

Maria: I have the test results. Kendall's pregnant.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Jamie: How pregnant are you?

Babe: If I tell you, will it be our secret?

David: So generous of you to include me, Jack. Thank you.

Greenlee: You're not the boss of me.

Ryan: But I will be.

Bianca: Kendall's not pregnant. I am.

Kendall: Are we over?

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