AMC Transcript Thursday 11/20/03

All My Children Transcript Thursday 11/20/03

Provided By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Bianca: Hey, Kendall --

Kendall: Oh, Bianca, thank you so much for coming.

Bianca: Kendall --

Kendall: Thank you. I really needed to see you.

Bianca: What is it? Have the police said anything since they pulled that duffle bag from the water?

Kendall: No, no, not yet.

Bianca: Well, what's in the bag? Kendall, what are the cops going to find in there? Kendall, are they going to arrest you?

Maria: What is this catastrophic mistake you're about to make?

Ryan: You know what? Never mind. It's just too risky, kind of, to involve you. So just do me a favor. Tell Edmund I stopped by, ok?

Maria: No, wait, wait, wait, wait -- wait. Take your shirt off.

Ryan: You know, almost every time I see you, you're telling me to strip. If I didn't know any better --

Maria: Yeah, but I'm serious. Take it off.

Brooke: Tad --

Tad: Our lady of perpetual panic. Are you stalking me?

Brooke: Are you avoiding me?

Tad: Yes.

Brooke: Well, I wouldn't have to track you down if you answered your cell phone once in a while.

Tad: Excuse me, excuse me. I'm here visiting people. I've got to get back to them.

Brooke: Aha -- no. You're going to have to leave them, all right? Because you need to deal with Babe and Jamie.

Tad: No, I don't. We decided to call off that little mission, remember? We're going to back off?

Brooke: Well, we can't.

Tad: Yes, we can. I'm going to. Watch me.

Brooke: Even if you're going to be a grandfather?

J.R.: You -- you're really pregnant?

Babe: I took about 12 of those little stick tests, and every single one of them was positive.

Adam: And who's the father of this alleged child?

J.R.: That's it. I've had enough. You leave Babe alone!

Babe: J.R., no!

Ryan: Whoa, whoa -- cold --

Maria: Shh.

Ryan: Cold hands, cold hands.

Maria: Quiet.

Ryan: Never leave home without it?

Maria: Oh, I always keep it here in case of riding emergencies.

Ryan: Ok, well, I wasn't riding.

Maria: No, but I'm very worried about your heart.

Ryan: Yeah, you're not the only one. Still there?

Maria: Yeah, it's still there. Strong, steady beat.

Maria and Ryan: But can you dance to it?

Maria: Ok, here's what I say. I say exercise, eat right, avoid ingesting poison at all costs.

Ryan: Hmm.

Maria: And I think you're going to live a very, very, very long time, and that'll be 20 bucks.

Ryan: Uh -- ok. You want to tell me the punch line?

Maria: Yeah, I'm a doctor, I just examined you, and that's 20 bucks.

Ryan: Um -- you know what? All I got is 50s.

Maria: I'll take it. I upped my -- it is a house call and everything, so --

Ryan: Yeah, but it's your house!

Maria: Details! Thank you.

Ryan: Hey, what -- clue me in here. What's going on?

Maria: I treated you at the hospital for poisoning. This is a follow-up. And as an official medical visit, anything that you tell me is protected by doctor/patient confidentiality.

Ryan: Ah.

Maria: Can't say a word -- not in court, not anywhere. Can't repeat anything, so let her rip.

Ryan: Hmm. Ok. Let me ask you this. How far would you go to keep a promise to a dead man?

Maria: I would keep it, no question.

Ryan: I'm not sure I can.

Tad: A grandpa? Jamie's pregnant? Boy, there's a medical first.

Brooke: This isn't funny. I just had an up close and personal with Pine valley's newest cowgirl.

Tad: Uh-huh? Babe manage to rope you in? See what I did there?

Brooke: Stop it. Babe told me she's pregnant.

Tad: Well, great. That is big news. Why aren't you shrieking at Adam? She's married to his son, remember?

Brooke: Well, who cares? Because you were the one that connected the cows to prove that Babe and Jamie spent a night together.

Tad: Once. Once, so what? Did she -- did she tell you that Jamie was the father?

Brooke: No -- not in so many words.

Tad: Did she even hint that Jamie's the father?

Brooke: She went on and on about how much she loves J.R.; and that from the moment she set eyes on J.R., she knew that he was the one for her.

Tad: Oh, my God, you're right. Then our son must be the father. Why are you jumping all over this thing?

Brooke: Listen to me, all right? If Babe is so in love with J.R., why is she trying to convince me of it? I mean, you know, whenever I am working on a story and the subject says -- and they're too forthcoming, my antenna goes up immediately.

Tad: Your antennae are always up where Jamie's concerned. You've got to stop assuming the worst.

Brooke: You have to listen to me, ok? I think that Babe is hiding something.

Tad: Ok, let me get this lunacy straight. You're trying to tell me that you think our son impregnated his brother's wife based on a feeling?

Brooke: Tad, listen. If Jamie slept with that girl, the worst is possible. I mean, do I have to remind you that it only takes one time?

Tad: Yeah. Well, I guess we ought to know.

Joe: Jamie -- Jamie, come in, come in. You're just in time.

Jamie: I got here as soon as I could. Where's the patient?

Joe: Oh, right over there. I have to decide whether it can be saved. I don't know. I don't know. What --

Jamie: Oh, looks serious.

Joe: Oh, I'll say it's serious. This thing has got a hold a huge turkey on Thanksgiving.

Jamie: So how do we proceed?

Joe: Well -- ahem -- I recommend the complete removal and reattachment of all the legs.

Jamie: I concur, doctor.

Joe: Yeah, and with your skilled assistance, I predict a complete recovery. But first, we'll have some cider.

Jamie: You think Grandma will mind?

Joe: Oh, she'll insist. Do you know where she is now? Can you guess?

Jamie: Buying more?

Joe: Buying more. You've got your grandmother down. She's going to have enough food here that we're going to be eating leftovers from now until Christmas.

Jamie: Well, I'm down with that.

Joe: Yeah. Well --

Jamie: Her stuffing -- there's nothing like Grandma's stuffing.

Joe: Mm-hmm. Well, let's get to work.

Jamie: All right.

Joe: We'll put it up here.

Jamie: Up there? This right there.

Joe: There we go.

Jamie: Ooh, yeah. This thing's horrible.

Joe: Well, Jamie, I think it's time you learn the truth about your grandmother.

Jamie: Don't tell me she uses store-bought stuffing.

Joe: Oh, don't even joke about that. Don't say it around her. I once suggested she used a mix, and I thought I'd be banished from the table. Now, this morning, I came down and found her arguing with a can of pumpkin over how much cream should go into the pie.

Jamie: Well, who won?

Joe: Oh, your grandmother. Can lost its nerve. It backed down. You wouldn't believe how many discussions with turkey she's had over the years.

Jamie: So, you and Grandma have been together a long time.

Joe: Yeah. Over 30 years.

Jamie: Can I ask you about when you hooked up?

Joe: Sure. That's one of the highlights from my life. What do you want to know?

Jamie: When you fell for Grandma --

Joe: Oh.

Jamie: She was married to someone else, right?

[Joe coughs]

Babe: Please don't fight. Stop.

J.R.: No, he doesn't have a right to be treating you like that.

Babe: Your father doesn't mean what he's saying. He's -- he's just a little blown away. He'll get over it, right, Pops?

Adam: You are some piece of work, aren't you?

Babe: Hey, I'm a little blown away myself. We're having a baby.

J.R.: We are?

Babe: It may not seem real for a while, but, yeah, we are.

Adam: She's lying, J.R.

Babe: Don't listen to him. This is our time, baby.

Adam: She made up this pregnancy on the spot so I couldn't tell you the truth.

J.R.: I'm warning you, Dad, shut it!

Babe: He tried to get rid of me again. He tried to buy me off.

J.R.: Oh, you don't give it up, do you?

Babe: He'll quit just as soon as I prove I'm not lying. I'm having your baby. He's got to get behind that.

Adam: Yeah, don't bet on it. No, I'm not going to get behind that, and I'm not going to get behind you. You're a conniving little tramp, and I'm going to prove it.

J.R.: You're not going near my wife.

Tad: Sweetheart, let's look at the facts, ok? Number 1, J.R. and Babe have been together for almost two months. That means the odds are overwhelming that Babe's baby has got to be his.

Brooke: Uh-huh, and Jamie is our son, so does either one of us have bragging rights about beating the odds?

Tad: I suppose not. Nonetheless, you're putting the baby carriage way before the horse on this one. Why don't you just go back to "Tempo," try to distract yourself. I'm sure there's lots of real stories back there you can drive yourself crazy with, you know? I'll even walk you out. Come on.

Brooke: You know, you are not making me feel any better. And, you know, working all night is not --

J.R.: I need a doctor! I need a doctor!

Brooke: Oh, my God.

Tad: J.R., what is it? What happened?

J.R.: My dad happened. Babe's pregnant. He went ballistic on her, and now she passed -- she passed out.

Woman: All right, let's get her into cubicle 1 right away.

Tad: Go, go, go, go, go. What is it? What did you say to her that could possibly make her faint?

Adam: Who cares what I said? That tramp is making a fool of my son.

Tad: How? She's carrying a Chandler heir, remember?

Adam: Yeah, I don't care what that backwater bimbo is carrying. I guarantee you, it ain't a Chandler!

Brooke: My God, I was right.

Adam: Right about what?

Maria: This promise you made to the dying man -- why is it so hard to keep?

Ryan: Because if I keep the promise, it means hurting other people.

Maria: And these other people are alive?

Ryan: Yeah. Just starting to live, actually. And they've already been through hell. And if I keep this promise, I'd be buying them a return ticket.

Kendall: Bianca, I'm not going to get arrested, ok?

Bianca: Well, then, what about the duffle bag that they pulled from the river?

Kendall: No, forget about the bag. We have bigger problems to deal with here.

Bianca: How can I forget about the bag? Kendall, Maggie told the police that she saw you and Michael carrying a duffle bag out of his condo the night he disappeared. And then you said that -- that you took that bag with you to Vegas.

Kendall: We did!

Bianca: So, then, how did it end up here and what's in the bag?

Kendall: Ok, first of all, you don't even know if it's the same bag.

Bianca: Well, Kendall, you seem to think that it's a possibility, so if it is, what's inside?

Kendall: Well, Bianca, whatever's in that bag, it will not implicate me, ok? I promise.

Maria: So if you don't keep this promise, then you're going to feel like you're letting down a dying man. And if you do keep the promise, then you're going to feel like you're ruining the lives of all these people that you care about. Well, got to be some way to work it out.

Ryan: Yeah, well, I haven't come up with one.

Maria: I feel like it kind of helps if you do stuff with your hands -- helps work out what's in your head. This place got very clean when I was studying for my recertification.

Ryan: Ok, if I play stable boy, do I get my 50 bucks back?

Maria: No, you don't, but you're going to smell like a cowboy when you're done and the girls are going to love you.

Ryan: Oh, great. That's the last thing I need.

Maria: Of course. There's a girl in the mix.

Ryan: Yeah, there's a couple, actually.

Maria: Oh, wait, so this -- so this man -- this is -- this is Alexander --

Ryan: Cambias --

Maria: Cambias?

Ryan: Yes.

Maria: The guy that gave you the fortune.

Ryan: Michael's father. Yeah, I mean --

Maria: Ok.

Ryan: We weren't that close, but we just kind of connected.

Maria: I guess. Or does he normally just give billions to strangers?

Ryan: No, he -- he felt that I saved his life. In actual fact, he saved mine. He gave me purpose.

Maria: And what's that? I mean, you know, I'm guessing that corporate coups are not what gives your life meaning.

Ryan: Well, believe me, I like having a full account, but it's not all about the money. And it wasn't all about the money for Alex, either.

Maria: That's not what I heard

Ryan: No, no, no, it's true.

Maria: It's not.

Ryan: He believed -- he believed in family. He -- he prayed that Michael would have a child someday that could redeem the Cambias name. That's why he put a codicil in the will saying that if Michael had a kid, everything Alexander had would go to that child.

Maria: That's not really possible, is it? Unless you think he's got a kid out there somewhere.

Ryan: I think it's possible.

Maria: Seriously?

Ryan: I stayed after his funeral with Kendall. Kendall was there, and Bianca was also there.

Maria: God, I can't imagine she'd want to be anywhere near him.

Ryan: No, me, neither. Well, she passed out.

Maria: She ok?

Ryan: She said she was, but when I went to help her, there was -- there was something right on the ground right by Michael's grave that only Kendall or Bianca could have dropped.

Maria: What?

Ryan: It was a baby sonogram.

Maria: Was there a date, a name? Was there anything on it?

Ryan: No, no, it was just the sonogram, the picture.

Maria: That's very unusual.

Ryan: And Bianca flipped out when I asked her if it was hers, if she had gotten pregnant as a result of the rape. Ok, you don't look surprised. You knew Bianca was pregnant. I know, I know, I know -- doctor/patient confidentiality, but it's fine. Kendall told me already. She also told me that Bianca had the pregnancy terminated.

Maria: If Bianca had the pregnancy terminated, why would she have a sonogram?

Bianca: Kendall, of course I need to know what's in the bag, especially if whatever is inside there is going to get you in more trouble.

Kendall: Bianca, listen to me. Everything's going to be fine if we just stick to our story, ok? If we can convince people that I'm pregnant with Michael's baby, then no one can come near me. They can't touch me. We can do this. You and I can do this, ok? We have so many people on our side. David -- we have David. He won't let us down, and Aidan will help us without even asking for a reason.

Bianca: I spoke to Palmer, and he said that we can count on him, no matter what we need.

Kendall: See? See, we have a whole team behind us, ok? The police cannot touch me.

Ryan: Kendall says the sonogram's hers. She's claiming to carry Michael's child.

Maria: That's crazy. I mean, is that even possible?

Ryan: No, I don't believe it for a second. You know, at first I thought she was lying to keep me from knowing that Bianca was pregnant, but now she's claiming that she planned the pregnancy, that she knew about the codicil.

Maria: But you don't believe her?

Ryan: No. No, I think it totally threw her -- although she did a pretty good job of pretending that she was cool with it. But it's one thing for her to be lying to protect Bianca, but to use Bianca's baby to get the whole Cambias estate?

Maria: So you seem pretty convinced that Bianca's still pregnant?

Ryan: Well, given who Bianca is, it makes sense. I don't know. But if she is, it's Alexander's grandchild, and I owe it to him to give Bianca the entire Cambias fortune.

Maria: Bianca knows about the codicil, so why wouldn't she want her own child to inherit all that money?

Ryan: Judging by the way she acted at the cemetery and afterwards, I think the last thing Bianca wants is for anyone to know that she's carrying Michael's child.

Kendall: Bianca, no one's going to know the truth, ok? Not if we stick to our story and trust the people who promise to help us.

Bianca: All right, I believe you, so, then why did you call me here, Kendall, if it wasn't about the bag? You said it was urgent.

Kendall: Erica came to see me. She knows.

Bianca: She knows that I'm pregnant?

Kendall: No. No, no, no, no. She knows that I'm pregnant.

Bianca: But that's not possible. Who told her?

Kendall: The rat queen herself, Greenlee. Apparently, Ryan couldn't keep his big mouth shut.

Bianca: Ryan came to see me this morning.

Kendall: I know. He told me. What did he want?

Bianca: He wanted me to admit to him that I'm pregnant. He thinks he knows, so he cornered me and he was fishing, trying to get me to break.

Kendall: He's going to keep trying to do that, ok, but you cannot give in to him. Please, Bianca, please. Please, promise me you will not tell Ryan a thing. He is not to be trusted.

Ryan: Alexander trusted me. I don't want to let him down.

Maria: Want my advice?

Ryan: Do I have to give you another 50 and sweep out the stables?

Maria: Commit to Kendall.

Adam: You were right about what?

Tad: Would excuse us for a minute?

Brooke: Oh, God. Adam knows.

Tad: He doesn't know anything. Would you scrape yourself off the ceiling?

Brooke: You heard him. Babe's child is not a Chandler. Oh, my God, that means Jamie's going to be a father.

Tad: Stop it, please.

Adam: Brooke -- Brooke, what's going on with you?

Brooke: Nothing's going on. I'm -- I'm fine. Everything's fine. I mean -- I mean, everything is not fine. Your daughter-in-law's here in the hospital, but I'm sure she's going -- she's going to be fine.

Adam: When I said Babe's baby was not a Chandler, you said you were right. What did you mean by that?

Brooke: I meant I was right about Babe being pregnant. I -- I just sort of had a hunch, and she had this glow.

Tad: See, she's been honing her sixth sense.

Adam: Do your hunches often lead you into apoplexy? You're looking really ill.

Tad: She had to have a brain scan, unfortunately. It turns out she suffers From Acute Hyperactive Nervous Disorder.

Adam: Never heard of it.

Brooke: Neither had I, until Tad insisted that I see a doctor.

Tad: Who insisted that you start on your medication right away. As luck would have it, there's a drinking fountain right over here.

Brooke: Oh, yes.

Ryan: Me and Kendall? No, no, no, we tried that. Crash, burn, no second act.

Maria: No, I'm not saying that you go there again. I'm just saying that, you know, if you get close to her, you could get her to open up and see if she's lying.

Ryan: Well, of course she's lying. She's always lying. The girl's got, like, serious trust issues.

Maria: You're resourceful. You'll figure it out.

Ryan: And I smell like a cowboy.

Maria: And you smell like a cowboy, exactly. I just think that if you can crack Kendall's lie, then you can move on to Bianca. And if Bianca is carrying Michael's child, then you'll be able to figure out a way to get her to take the cash.

Ryan: Yeah, but maybe, see, that's it. Maybe I don't want her to get the cash.

Maria: See, I don't think Bianca is the problem.

Ryan: So then, if I can prove that Kendall's not carrying the Cambias heir, then technically I don't have to worry about my promise to Alexander, and I keep the whole Cambias pie to myself. I know -- I know what you're thinking. I know you're thinking I'm a greedy, self-centered, little --

Maria: You're wrong. I think you should go for the gold.

Jamie: So, spill. Grandma was married to some other dude, and you moved in on the guy?

Joe: Wait a minute, wait a minute. I never -- I never moved in. Your grandmother was in a very unhappy marriage when we first realized our feelings for each -- we never acted on those feelings. I waited until your grandmother was free --

Jamie: Before you moved in.

Joe: Ah!

Jamie: I'm not trying to diss you. It's just I'm trying to work some things out in my head. The whole love and marriage thing -- it's kind of hard to figure.

Joe: Yeah, well, I guess it would be hard to explain what first drew me to your grandmother. As you say, love can be hard to figure out.

Jamie: Got that right.

Joe: You're talking from experience?

Jamie: No, not for me. I was just thinking of J.R. You know, him and Babe have only known each other a couple weeks, and now they're husband and wife. But I totally see why he went for her. I mean, she's gorgeous and great to be around and --

Joe: And, Jamie, are you saying you want what your brother has? Huh? Ow! Oh, ah!

J.R.: Everything's fine.

Babe: You're just saying that. I really screwed things up.

J.R.: No, you didn't. It's my dad's fault. He was screaming and yelling at you, trying to ruin our good news. There's no wonder you fainted.

Babe: That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about me getting pregnant. I mean, we just got married, and we're just getting used to each other and trying to get your dad to accept me and us, and now there's going to be a lot more of us.

J.R.: And I can't wait. You're so beautiful and strong and smart, and I love you more now than ever.

Doctor: Ahem.

J.R.: Doc, what'd you find out?

Doctor: I ran a quick blood profile. Mrs. Chandler, you are definitely going to have a baby.

J.R.: Oh!

Ryan: I should just go for it? I should -- I should say the hell with my promise to Alexander and the hell with Bianca, just keep the entire Cambias pie to myself?

Maria: You put it out there.

Ryan: So wait a minute, wait. Is this some sort of, like, reverse psychology or something?

Maria: Only if that's not what you want to hear. I'm not going to judge you, Ryan.

Ryan: Yeah, but I'm going to have to judge myself.

Maria: Look, you have a sense of what's right.

Ryan: Hmm.

Maria: Ok, I lied to the police for you about Kendall giving you the poison pills, and was it wrong? I don't know. You know, I just -- it felt right at the time, so I went with it.

Ryan: Hmm. You know, when I came back to Pine Valley, I was on such a high. The entire Cambias estate was mine. I mean, this is -- this is -- this is what I've been waiting for my entire life. I mean, I was in complete control. And now I might lose it all because I'm worried about Bianca having a baby, because I'm worried about Kendall using her to get my money, because I'm worried about doing what's right.

Maria: But that just means you care. I mean, that's a good thing, right? Caring's good for the heart. It's right up there with diet and exercise.

Bianca: If I can lie to Mom, I can certainly lie to Ryan. Trust me, so, how did Mom react? How did she take the news that you're pregnant with Michael's child?

Kendall: Well, I'll give you three guesses. You can scratch the first two.

Bianca: Are you speaking?

Kendall: No, but I think that's probably a good thing considering Erica's reaction when I told her I would not bury the hatchet and come clean.

Bianca: Kendall, do we really have to do this? Couldn't we tell her --

Kendall: What, tell her what? Tell her that you didn't really terminate your pregnancy and that you're helping me pretend to be pregnant? No, definitely not! And honestly, now that Erica's in the loop, it's time for us to go public.

Bianca: Kendall, are you crazy? The press is going to have a field day with this. It's going to get really ugly.

Kendall: Great. Fine. Bring it on. The sooner the media knows about my pregnancy, the safer I'll be. The cops can't say that I had a motive for murder once the whole world sees that I really was a couple with Michael in every sense of the word. This -- this little baby here -- this'll prove everything. It's going to work, Bianca. It's going to work, ok? I know it will. What?

Bianca: Kendall, this is going to be really hard.

Kendall: It beats going to jail.

Bianca: Yeah, maybe. But I know how much Mom's love means to you, and now you're giving it all up so that the world doesn't know that I am pregnant with Michael's baby.

Kendall: Bianca, listen. Your baby deserves to grow up free from the legacy of rape. That's why we're doing this. I've survived my whole life without Erica's love. What's a few more years?

Bianca: It's a lot, and what about Ryan?

Kendall: What about Ryan?

Bianca: At the cemetery, I could tell that there was something between you two. I -- I could sense it.

Kendall: Yeah, there was something between us -- plenty of something. Lots of hatred and disgust --

Bianca: Uh-uh.

Kendall: And loathing.

Bianca: No, there was something besides anger, Kendall. There was a time that you were in love with Ryan, and it's not easy for you to be lying to him. I can feel that.

Kendall: I can lie to Ryan whenever the hell I want to. I have no problem lying to Ryan. I'll lie to Ryan a thousand times, lie to Erica a million times. It doesn't matter. It's what I need to do to win, and I will win.

Bianca: Yeah, but you'll also lose. Kendall, I can't ask you to do this.

Kendall: No, Binks, you didn't ask me to do anything. I did this myself, remember? And I don't care if I lose Ryan or Erica. The only thing that I care about is you -- you, my precious, incredible little sister and your incredible little baby. The two of you are all I'll ever need.

Tad: Is Babe all right?

J.R.: Yeah, Babe's great. Doc's just finishing her exam right now, and -- well, congratulate me. I'm going to be a dad.

Tad: Congratulations. Congratulations. I'm proud of you. The good news is at least she can come to me for advice anytime.

J.R.: Thank you.

Adam: I'd like to speak to my son alone, please, for a moment.

Tad: Any more theatrics, you're going to end up on that gurney.

Adam: J.R., I want to apologize for my outburst back at the house. I -- I should've waited until we were alone.

J.R.: Like it would've made a difference? You know, Dad, I really don't want to even listen to anything you're saying right now because Babe is pregnant with my child. That's it.

Adam: Babe may indeed be pregnant, but I strongly doubt the child is yours.

J.R.: I've heard enough. I'm not listening to you.

Adam: J.R., please, please, you've got to listen to this. Babe's pregnancy announcement was staged to distract you from what I've been trying to tell you. You were not Babe's first lover, or her second or her third or her fourth. And on and on it goes. Son, I have proof I can show you.

J.R.: You know what? There's just one thing I want from you, Dad.

Adam: Name it.

J.R.: I want you to apologize to Babe. As soon as she comes out of that cubicle, apologize to her. Because if you don't, you will never see me or your grandchild ever again.

Doctor: Everything is looking good, Mrs. Chandler. I'm referring you to an Ob/Gyn for a follow-up. I suggest you eat well, get started on prenatal vitamins. Nurse, could you drop off this prescription at the hospital pharmacy?

Nurse: I'd be happy to. Congratulations, Mrs. Chandler. I hope you come back and have your baby here.

Babe: Me, too. Doc, could I ask you a teensy weensy favor? Oh, never mind. You would never understand.

Doctor: Try me.

Babe: Well, you just seem like such a nice person. I'll bet you never did something stupid you wish you could take back.

Doctor: Of course I have.

Babe: Well, then, maybe you can help me out.

Doctor: I'll -- I'll do whatever I can, Mrs. Chandler.

Babe: Well, you see, I'm totally positive that J.R. is my baby's daddy. But then there was this one night, and I had a few too many boilermakers. You ever drink one of them?

Doctor: I can't say I have.

Babe: They can make you forget your own name. Anyway, J.R. was away on business, and -- and I was missing him like crazy, and -- and with the boilermakers and -- oh, I don't know. It was just -- it was stupid, it was wrong. No question about it, so I was just wondering if maybe we could just fudge the dates on my chart a little.

Doctor: You mean lie about how far along you are? No, that's out of the question.

Babe: I knew you'd never do it. You're too good. Oh, I shouldn't have even asked. I'm so sorry. I'm just going to have to just suck it up and deal with it. Oh, God, but then what if I lose J.R.; and then -- and then me and my baby, we could be out on the streets without anything, and then -- oh, I couldn't go on. I would just die.

Doctor: Please, take it easy.

Babe: Oh, God.

Doctor: It can't be that bad.

Babe: It is that bad. You've got to help me, please. Help me.

Doctor: Oh, there, there. Don't -- don't worry, Mrs. Chandler. We'll work something out.

Jamie: I'm sorry, Grandpa. The hammer slipped. Are you sure you're ok?

Joe: I'm ok.

Jamie: You don't need an X-ray or anything?

Joe: No, I don't need an X-ray. No bones broken. Just a case of hammertoe. You were saying?

Jamie: Yeah, I was. Grandpa, you totally don't get where I'm coming from. I mean, J.R.'s my brother. I'm totally psyched about him and Babe. And you're totally right -- they are -- they do seem to be real tight and everything.

Joe: Hmm. Right. Tell you what. Why don't we put this hammer down just for a second. Jamie, listen, I know what you're going through, and there's nothing to be ashamed of.

Jamie: There's not?

Joe: No, there's not. It's perfectly natural. Your brother has just married a beautiful young woman. They're madly in love. It's intoxicating. Makes you want to follow right in his footsteps. But you got to slow down. You got your whole life ahead of you. Believe me. I mean, you don't want to rush into settling down and getting married.

Jamie: You mean like J.R.?

Joe: When the time is right, you'll find your own Babe.

Jamie: Or when the time is wrong.

Ruth: Oh. Hi, Jamie.

Joe: I'll get that.

Jamie: Jeez.

Ruth: Oh.

Jamie: I got it.

Ruth: The farmer's market was completely out of fresh sage! Oh, I had to drive halfway to Llanview to find any. Can you imagine my stuffing without fresh sage? Joe, darling, you -- when you said you were going to repair the table, I didn't think you were going to --

Joe: It's going to be all fixed in time, I promise you.

Ruth: Oh, I hope so, honey, because we are going to need extra room.

Joe: Mm-hmm.

Ruth: I've decided to invite more family. Jamie, I'm going to invite your brother and his new bride. What do you think? Won't that be fun? Hmm?

Ruth: Jamie? James! Are -- are you all right? You're beet red. Oh, I'm going to take your temperature. I don't want you sick for Thanksgiving.

Jamie: No, no, no, no, no. I'm ok, really, really. I think I might have picked up something, but I'm getting over it.

J.R.: So, Doc, any news? What's up?

Doctor: Well, I'm happy to say your wife is in excellent shape, and so is the baby.

J.R.: I told you.

Adam: Doctor, exactly how far along is Mrs. Chandler?

Doctor: Roughly 9 weeks.

J.R.: We made the baby the first week we met? That's awesome.

Babe: It was an awesome week --

J.R.: Mm-hmm.

Babe: And you're an awesome man, and you're going to make an awesome daddy. Now, let's go home.

J.R.: All right. Wait a minute. I think my dad has something to say. Right, Dad?

Adam: Um -- Babe, I -- I owe you an apology. I apologize, and I -- I made some unwarranted assumptions, and I really had no right to say to you the things I said to you.

J.R.: Or buying her off?

Adam: Oh -- oh, yeah, buying you off. I'm very happy for you and J.R., and I look forward to welcoming your new addition into my home.

Babe: Pops, you don't know how much that means to me.

Adam: Oh.

Babe: Oh!

J.R.: All right. Let's go.

Brooke: Did you hear what the doctor said? Nine weeks, so -- so that means that Jamie cannot be the father.

Tad: What did I tell you?

Kendall: Ok, now, if we're going to be convincing, you need to have some rehearsal, ok? You need to practice.

Bianca: No, Kendall, I -- can't you just do all the talking?

Kendall: Well, I'll try, but there's going to be microphones in your face, people are going to be snapping photos of you looking horrified, so you need to practice.

Bianca: All right, all right, all right. Let me try -- horrified.

Kendall: Yes. Go.

Bianca: Ah!

Kendall: What the hell?

[Kendall laughs]

Bianca: God --

Kendall: What the hell was that?

Bianca: That was horrified.

Kendall: That was pathetic. That was --

Bianca: Oh --

Kendall: I'm sorry, Bianca. That was pathetic, ok?

Bianca: I know.

Kendall: Wait -- just wait. Watch. I'm the pro. Watch and learn, ok? Here's what you do. You --

Bianca: That was good.

Kendall: Was that good?

Bianca: That was really good.

Kendall: Good. You see?

Bianca: Oh, my God. This is hard.

Kendall: I know. All right.

Bianca: All right, let me try again. Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

Kendall: Bianca, what's wrong? What's wrong?

Bianca: It's the -- it's the baby. Kendall, I could feel her move.

Kendall: Oh.

Bianca: Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

Kendall: Oh, my gosh! I felt it! Oh, my gosh! Oh, my God, that's amazing. This -- this is a very strong Kane woman who is trying to let us know she's here. This is what we're fighting for, Bianca. This is who we're fighting for. She is going to make all of this so worth it.

Maria: If you need anything else, my tack room is your tack room.

Ryan: I think I feel a little flutter. You want to examine me again?

Maria: Oh, really? No, I think you can get out. What do you think? No, but, really, you've got a good heart. You do, and I would trust it if I were you. It's going to tell you what to do.

Ryan: I hope you're right.

Brooke: Listen, you admit it. You were as relieved as I was when the doctor said that Babe was 9 weeks pregnant.

Tad: I told you. I told you at the start Jamie couldn't be the father.

Brooke: Mm-hmm.

Tad: Yep, give me that. You are really becoming the queen of stress.

Brooke: Oh -- ok, fine, I overreacted a -- a little.

Tad: "A little"? I could've sworn you were going to start to knit booties.

Brooke: I don't knit.

Tad: Maybe you should look into it. I hear it's really fantastic for Acute Hyperactive Nervous Disorder.

Brooke: I can't believe that you told Adam that I'm on medication. You know he's never going to let me live that down.

Tad: Would you have preferred I told him that our son slept with his son's wife?

Brooke: Ok. You saved my behind.

Tad: And a simple thank-you would be fine.

Brooke: Uh-huh. Well, don't hold your breath. I am out of here. Are you coming?

Tad: No, I'm going to leave a message at the nurses' station. You go ahead.

Brooke: Ok. Ciao.

Tad: Ugh. Doctor? Hi. I'm -- my name is Tad Martin.

Doctor: Martin? Uh --

Tad: Yeah, as in Joe Martin, Chief of Staff.

Doctor: Oh, I'm sorry. Of course. It's my first week here. I'm just getting to know my way around.

Tad: Yeah, I can see that. Welcome. Listen, the young lady you just treated, Babe Chandler?

Doctor: Lovely girl.

Tad: Yes -- actually, you know, she's -- well, her husband is my stepson.

Doctor: Well, then, congratulations are in order.

Tad: Yeah, I -- I just want to ask you one question. Are you absolutely sure she's 9 weeks along?

Doctor: Of course. I'm positive. What are you insinuating?

Tad: Nothing. Nothing -- not a thing. Sorry, Doctor.

Winifred: Mr. Jamie, are you here with bad news, sir?

Jamie: Bad news? I'm just here to see J.R. and Babe.

Winifred: Then you haven't heard. Mr. J.R. took Mrs. Chandler to the hospital a while ago.

Jamie: Why? What's wrong with Babe?

J.R.: Nothing's wrong with Babe.

Jamie: Winifred said that you took her to the hospital?

J.R.: Congratulate me, bro. I'm going to be a father. Babe's pregnant.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

J.R.: What's wrong?

Jamie: Maybe I can take a guess.

Ryan: Greenlee, kitten, you're jealous.

David: How far are you willing to go with this, Kendall?

Kendall: I'll go as far as I have to.

Justin: Miss Kane, did you steal Jack's gun and murder your daughter's rapist?

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