AMC Transcript Monday 3/3/03


All My Children Transcript Monday 3/3/03

By Suzanne
Proofread by Gisele

Previously on "All My Children" --

Opal: Are you going to tell me who it is you're really mad at, or are you just going to kiss our friendship good-bye?

Jack: I want you to help me get this guy. I want you to help me put him behind bars for the rest of his life.

Mia: Jake had an affair, and he's gone.

Kendall: Why don't you get in your stupid jet and fly back to Tuscany and don't ever come back.  

Erica: Opal, I'm hurt that you went to my competition's party, and you went looking so -- so --

Opal: Gorgeous? Dare I say chic?

Erica: Well, not like the Opal that I know and love.

Opal: What, because I turned heads?

Erica: I beg your pardon?

Opal: You are jealous, Erica. You're jealous of me.

Kendall: Ring. Please ring.

Simone: You know, Kendall, if he hasn't called yet --

Kendall: Oh. Simone, there's got to be something I can do to get Michael back.

Simone: You've done everything you could. Now it's time to stop praying to the phone God and get back to your wonderful life.

Kendall: What life?

Simone: Oh, Kendall. Well, I hope it's a good cry.

Kendall: Of course Michael ran. I just proved to the world I'm the evil seed. Why would he stick around after that?

Liza: Where are your suitcases?

[Mia sighs]

Mia: What are you doing?

Liza: I'm getting you out of this loft. You can move into the gatehouse with Colby and me.

Mia: No, no. I'm not. I'm not going anywhere.

Erica: Please, Opal. I'm not jealous of you. I'm glad that you feel pretty. I hope you hang on to that feeling gorgeous.

Opal: Oh, yeah? Well, then, why'd you try to make me feel too hillbilly to go to that party in the first place?

Erica: Oh, it wasn't you, Opal. I just -- look, I'm sorry. I love you, Opal. I swear I didn't mean to hurt you. Please forgive me.

Opal: Ok. Done.

Opal: Well, maybe I overreacted. Honey? What is it that is eating at you?

Erica: Oh, look, I should really handle this myself.

Opal: Well, since when? Come on. We're a team. Just spit it out and the two of us will fix whatever little mess you made.

Erica: Oh. This isn't little. I cheated on Chris. I cheated on Chris with Jack.

Aidan: Chris Stamp? That's who you want me to go after?

Jack: That's right, and you can bill me by the hour.

Aidan: I don't think so. I used to work for this guy. I think he's clean.

Jack: Aidan, do you know he's been investigated before, right?

Aidan: Yeah, and he was cleared.

Jack: Yes, well, new charges have surfaced and these have legs.

Aidan: Which are?

Jack: Well, I'm afraid I'm not presently disposed to discuss that. You're going to have to trust me.

Aidan: Trust? Trust that you've got good reason to go after a fed?

Jack: Yes, that's right.

Aidan: Because of who he is or because he wants to marry Erica Kane?

Liza: I thought that this would be the last place you'd want to be.

Mia: Yeah, and you thought I'd be desperate to play the maiden aunt just because my fiancé walked out on me, right?

Liza: No, Mia.

Mia: Fine. Thank you very much, but I'm not running away, ok? This is my home. I think I'll keep it.

[Knock on door]

Mia: I'll just rip Jake's name off the mailbox.

Tad: Hi. I just came to see how you're doing.

Michael: Kendall, I know you asked me to call, but what I need to say to you -- whew -- I probably need to say in person.

Kendall: Ok, can I say something first?

Michael: Kendall, you --

Kendall: Look, Michael, I went swamp girl psycho on you at the Valley Inn.

Michael: That's not important.

Kendall: And I'm really sorry. I'm really sorry. I know there's no excuse, but I -- I mean, you've been so amazing to me.

Michael: Kendall, you don't --

Kendall: But when I saw you and my mother together -- it's just that she could get right down to the pit of my gut and she brings out the absolute worst in me.

Michael: Kendall --

Kendall: And I hardly ever, ever go psychotic in public.

Michael: Hardly never is good.

Kendall: Well, but it's -- there's probably one time where I -- I did it just as bad as this past time.

Michael: Ok.

Kendall: And I was provoked. Erica had done something terribly evil to me.

Michael: I'm sorry. It's not --

Kendall: No, I know, ok? I know. Oh, this is too much information -- I know.

Michael: Kendall, listen --

Kendall: Wait, wait, Michael. Just wait one second, please. I have -- I have been trying so hard to do everything right with you, and I was succeeding until I let myself get provoked by Erica, and I know -- I know it was wrong of me to assume that there was something going on between you and her.

Michael: Actually, you weren't.

Kendall: What?

Michael: That's just it, Kendall. I came here to apologize to you.

Kendall: Why?

Michael: Walking out on you at the valley inn.

Kendall: I thought I drove you away.

Michael: Of course not, and I'm so sorry that you thought that you went Swamp Girl psycho, because the truth is you're a really perceptive woman, and you're right. There is something going on between your mother and me.

Erica: Opal, I tried to behave appropriately. I made him tea.

Opal: Guess it didn't hit the spot.

Erica: Look, Jack and I have been everything to each other, ok? So how in that moment was I supposed to have boundaries?

Opal: By keeping your clothes on!

Erica: All right. All right. I know it was a mistake. I knew it was a mistake practically before we even got started, but Jackson --

Opal: Oh, yeah, naturally, he just couldn't help himself.

Erica: No. He couldn't. We couldn't. We couldn't.

Opal: So what do you want to do now, pretend like it didn't happen?

Erica: Well, yes.

Opal: But, what, your conscience is eating at you?

Erica: Opal, Jackson has decided that he's not going to let me go this time.

Opal: Oh, well, you poor thing. I mean, the powerful, passionate Jackson Montgomery's going to fight for you.

Erica: Opal, this is serious. Chris just accused me of using seduction as a business tactic.

Opal: No.

Erica: And if he finds out about Jack, Chris will kill Jack, and then -- then I'm going to lose the one man who really loves me the way I need to be loved.

Opal: And that would be Chris or Jack?

Erica: Opal, really!

Opal: Well, I'm sorry, but it seems to me that you are finally going to get exactly what you deserve.

Aidan: The last time I saw Erica and Chris together, they couldn't keep their hands off of each other. So if he was such a good friend, why would you want to mess that up?

Jack: I'm not trying to make a mess here, Aidan. I'm trying to prevent a disaster, ok?

Aidan: Yeah. I thought as much.

Jack: No, you didn't -- do you know what? Devane, whatever you're thinking right now, I guarantee you it's wrong. Here's the deal -- I wasn't looking for something on Chris Stamp. It just came across my desk, and what came across my desk suggests that his position in the bureau is compromised. Now, if that's true, I need proof.

Aidan: Why?

Jack: Because this is my job, that's why.

Aidan: And?

Jack: And -- oh, all right, "and."

And because I'd like to make sure that my former sister-in-law and former lover and current good friend Erica Kane is not going to be endangered or hurt by this guy.

Aidan: And if I expose Chris Stamp's dark side, you think Erica Kane's going to come back to you?

Jack: That's not my motivation, ok? But I will tell you something -- if that's what happened, it wouldn't break my heart.

Tad: Is it safe to come in? Oh.

Liza: Mia -- Mia!

Mia: If Jake ever comes back, he stays with you.

Tad: Look, I understand. You got every right to be furious.

Mia: Oh, thanks. Thanks a heap. Now, take your brother's stuff and get out!

Liza: Mia, Tad didn't do anything.

Mia: Oh, right. That's right, that's right. He just stood by and watched while his brother cheated on me. You probably congratulated him on being a chip off the Tad-the-Cad block and then advised him on the finer points of womanizing!

Tad: You're wrong --

Mia: Oh.

Tad: About almost everything.

Mia: You see? I told you.

Tad: I told Jake that Alison was nothing but trouble.

Mia: Oh, really? Really? Was that before or after you told him to keep his affair a secret?

Tad: Guilty as charged. I just didn't think that one stupid mistake should destroy everything that you and Jake had.

Mia: We had nothing!

Tad: How can you say that? Mia, he adored you.

Mia: Oh --

Tad: He wanted to have a life with you.

Mia: I see. That's why he slept with Alison. Ok.

Tad: Feel free to jump in any time you want. Well, you're not going to stand there and let your sister think that Jake didn't love her?

Liza: So you knew?

Mia: Of course Tad knew Jake cheated on me. Martin men get off on deception.

Tad: No, we don't. Is there anything I can do to make this easier for you?

Mia: Yeah, yeah. Explain to me why Jake seduced this woman and then just completely ditched me.

Tad: Actually, Alison seduced him. That's no excuse.

Liza: Good save!

Mia: Look, you still haven't answered my question.

Tad: Ok. Fair enough. After talking to Jake, I'd say that things started to go south when you went to work for Fusion.

Mia: What? Oh, please. Please! Jake worked way more hours than I ever did!

Tad: It's not supposed to be a competition.

Mia: Why did he -- why did he leave?

Tad: I don't know. I have no idea why my brother left. The only person that does is Jake. For what it's worth, I am very, very sorry that he didn't have the courage to tell you.

Mia: We need more trash bags.

Liza: You want me to come with you?

Mia: No, no, no. No, no. I'd like to get used to being on my own.

Tad: Well, that went really well, don't you think? I'd call my mission of mercy an absolute success.

Liza: I'd call you a two-faced liar.

Tad: A two -- wait just a second. Before you start in on me, I want you to know something. I did everything I could --

Liza: I'm not talking about what you did to my sister. I'm talking about what you did to me!

Kendall: Oh, my God. You and my mother -- I think I'm going to be sick.

Michael: Kendall, take a deep breath.

Kendall: No, don't touch me. Don't touch me.

Michael: Kendall! Kendall, would you let me explain! I didn't sleep with Erica and I don't want to.

Kendall: I saw the two of you together.

Michael: You saw your mother touch me.

Kendall: Are you saying Erica came on to you?

Michael: Well, I don't know. I don't presume to know what goes on in Erica's head.

Kendall: Yeah, well, take an educated guess.

Michael: I'll just say that at least twice now I've felt the need to tell Erica that I don't mix business with pleasure.

Kendall: No, no way. I'm not buying that.

Michael: Why? Because no man can resist Erica Kane's charms?

Kendall: No. No man I've ever heard of.

Michael: That's ridiculous. Kendall, my father -- he asked me to do a business deal with Erica, so I did that. That's all it was.

Kendall: Well, then why didn't you just tell me about this supposed business deal?

Michael: Well, to be honest with you, joint venture agreements don't strike me as romantic conversation, and besides, when I found out that the mere mention of Erica's name sends you to Defcon 5, I tried to spare us both. Listen, Kendall, I just want -- I wanted our time together to be about us.

Kendall: Well, then, why did you leave when I clearly misunderstood what was happening?

Michael: Because I was angry. I was angry that you assumed the absolute worst in me, and also because I was ashamed. I was ashamed that I'd let -- you know, I was ashamed that I let Erica use me to hurt you.

Kendall: Well, don't beat yourself up. It happens. She's the queen of manipulation.

Michael: Yeah. Well, I also left for another reason.

Kendall: What?

Michael: I guess -- I guess you think I'm the kind of guy that you should be drawn to, but the truth is you're not. You know, you just don't have any fire for me.

Kendall: Yeah, how can you say that? Michael, how can you say that? I practically burned up with jealousy.

Michael: Oh. Kendall, you've turned down my invitations to Mexico, to Tuscany. You acted like you didn't notice the roses I sent and --

Kendall: I -- I didn't want to scare you off. Michael, the truth is I want you in the worst way. I want you and I want you in a way that I never thought that I could ever want a man again.

Michael: Oh, boy, I wish -- I wish I could believe that.

Kendall: I'll prove it. I'll prove it to you. Just -- just tell me how.

Michael: Well, be with me, tonight.

Aidan: Chris Stamp is a career hero. Somebody's probably trying to smear him, and maybe it's for something personal.

Jack: Well, it's possible, but it couldn't hurt to look into the charges, now, could it?

Aidan: Hmm. Oh, yes, it can.

Jack: Ok, good point. Well, look at it this way -- you do this thing and maybe you can spare him going through the hell that you just went through.

Aidan: Spell it out.

Jack: It's pretty simple -- you prove these allegations are untrue, I close the case.

Aidan: And Erica? What are you going to do? Toast the bride at her wedding?

Jack: If it comes to that, you bet. Look, Aidan, all I want to do is make certain that Erica is safe and protected, and I think you understand all about that, now, don't you?

Aidan: Yeah. Yeah, I do.

Jack: So you'll take the job?

Aidan: On one condition -- you show me everything that you've got on Stamp.

Jack: I can't do that, son. That's classified.

Aidan: I need to know what I'm up for and what I'm looking for upfront.

Jack: Here you go. Get to work.

Erica: Opal, you just said you're my best friend. Now, you're supposed to --

Opal: Be what, your yes girl?

Erica: No.

Opal: Approve of you cheating on the man who loves you, who wants to marry you, let alone the fact that he's decent and drop-dead gorgeous?

Erica: I know. I know how lucky I am to have Chris.

Opal: I am sick to death of seeing good people go lonely and hurting!

Erica: So that's it. You're jealous of me because the one man you want left you and won't come back.

Opal: Don't you even go there, missy!

Erica: Oh, Palmer must have rubbed your face in it good at that Fusion party.

Opal: Palmer has wasted --

Erica: Whereas, I can have any man I want.

Opal: Oh, yeah, only because your life is one endless desperate lap dance! Well, the little hussy deserved it!

Chris: What hussy deserves what?

Opal: Oh, Chris! Um -- why in heaven's name are you toting a bouquet?

Chris: Standard issue for saying "Sorry."

Opal: Oh, that is just so wrong.

Chris: What's so wrong?

Opal: Damn it, Chris. If anybody needs to be making up for anything, it's Erica.

Kendall: You want to be with me tonight?

Michael: I think it would be nice to know that you're as serious about me as I am about you.

Kendall: Wait. So that means I -- I would have to go to bed with you?

Michael: Well, it means -- it means let me hold you all night. Let me whisper things that are impossible to say in the light. You know, let me make love to you.

Kendall: Hmm -- oh, Michael, I want to. I really do, and you -- you can't imagine how much.

Michael: So show me. What?

Kendall: Oh. Nothing, it's just -- Michael, five minutes ago, I thought you were sleeping with my mother.

Michael: Well, you were wrong.

Kendall: I know. I know, but still, I think -- I think it's better if we waited, but we could still go out tonight, and we could let things happen wherever and however they're supposed to happen.

Michael: You know, I have a better idea.

Kendall: What's that?

Michael: I think we should say good-bye.

Liza: You're supposed to be my best friend. You couldn't tell me that your brother was cheating on my sister?

Tad: No. You had enough to deal with.

Liza: Oh -- oh, I see. So if a woman is busy, that's reason enough to keep her in the dark -- or cheat on her. Was that what Jake was thinking?

Tad: No. I'm assuming Jake was thinking he ought to be more important to Mia than just another notation in her date book.

Liza: Doesn't Jake understand that Mia had this wonderful opportunity to find herself, this great job?

Tad: So she gets to be selfish?

Liza: I think that -- that Jake could understand that Mia was trying to make him proud of her.

Tad: By brushing up against some lipstick tycoon? I was there, I saw what happened, and I wouldn't exactly call it marriage friendly.

Liza: Oh, I see, and you've never flirted with a professional contact?

Tad: No, not like that. I don't have the equipment. The fact is she ignored her fiancé all night long.

Liza: Right, and that gave him the excuse to do what he did with his employee in the closet?

Tad: Well, you got me there. I think that Jake had --

Liza: What? Needs?

Tad: I wasn't going to say that.

Liza: Yes, you were.

Tad: No, no.

Liza: You were. You were thinking it. Don't deny it. You are such a man!

Tad: Oh, come on. This is the part where you're going to nail me, incriminate me just because, you know, the species happens to be hard-wired to ensure biodiversity? Please.

Liza: Oh, come on. Adultery isn't caused by biology. It's caused by men.

Tad: Oh, don't even think about handing me that argument!

Liza: Men who want to run away from their problems by grabbing any woman they can find and dragging her to bed!

Tad: Whom do you think you are talking to? I know of a woman who's turned escaping through sex into an art form, and I'm looking at her.

Aidan: If this stuff about Stamp is true, then Erica's really in danger.

Jack: Yes, that's my thought. Listen, I know you're licensed to carry a concealed weapon. I'd like you to get started right away.

Aidan: I want you to think this through a little bit more, because I can tell you from experience that when you go hunting after dirt, you don't usually come out clean yourself.

Jack: Yes. Well, I appreciate the benefit of your experience, but anything you find out, I can handle, Devane.

Aidan: Maybe you can, but give it some more thought and let me know.

Jack: You hang on to that. I have a feeling you might need it.

Aidan: Ok.

Chris: Let me guess. Erica told you about our fight.

Opal: Well, yeah, she did, and I think you had every right to just blow your whole fuse box.

Chris: Well. This is support from an unexpected corner.

Opal: Well, I know better than anybody how she can get you saying and doing things that you just never dreamed possible.

Chris: Yeah, well, that's -- that's true, but she still shouldn't take all of the blame.

Opal: Well, why not, the way she carries on?

Chris: Because I spied on her.

Opal: Oh, you did?

Chris: Yeah.

Opal: Well, she probably gave you good cause.

Chris: Opal, I had her followed, and then I told her how she should and shouldn't conduct her business.

Opal: You did?

Chris: Mm-hmm.

Opal: Well, so what? You were worried about the woman you're going to marry.

Chris: But isn't there some point where you're just supposed to, like, let go and trust her?

Opal: Oh, that's a lot of politically correct hooey, but you have always had an old-fashioned heart, Chris. You got to protect it. I mean, you don't want to wake up in the middle of a marriage to find that the woman you devoted your life to is, you know, playing fast and loose with your love.

Chris: Opal, if you try to tell me that my fiancée is an outrageous flirt, I already know that and I can handle it, but thank you.

Opal: And if Erica did more than flirt, could you handle that?

Chris: What exactly are you trying to tell me, Opal? What?

Kendall: Say good-bye? Why, what -- are you saying, "Sleep with me or else"?

Michael: No, Kendall, it's not like that. I've crisscrossed the globe to steal a few hours with you. I've missed meetings. I've turned down business deals. I've sent you remembrances.

Kendall: Michael, I loved the roses, and I loved the invitations to Tuscany and to Mexico. It makes me feel high just knowing that you blew off four CEOs and a prime minister just to come to the Fusion party. Trust me, I'm falling for you.

Michael: Oh, so stay with me.

Kendall: Hmm -- I -- I want to. I swear, I do, but --

Michael: But what?

Kendall: But if we get really close and you leave me or you use me or you just plain hurt me, I'm afraid that I won't be able to stand up again.

Michael: Kendall, I am so sorry that you have been treated so badly. I wish I could take all that pain away from you. I really do.

Kendall: Yeah, I wish you could, too.

Michael: Well, let me try. Come stay with me tonight, and I will prove to you that you have nothing to be afraid of.

Kendall: And if I don't?

Michael: Then I will leave Pine Valley and I'll never bother you again. It's up to you.

Tad: I'm not going to lounge here and listen to you tear up the entire male sex for screwing around when you personally have done more for women's liberation in that area than any other human being I know.

Liza: Fine. Men and women are both equally capable of cheating.

Tad: Damn right. So I guess nobody can keep their skivvies on.

Liza: There are different reasons for why they take them off.

Tad: What?

Liza: It's one thing if you need comfort.

Tad: Oh, and it's another thing if you need passion, excitement, a little attention?

Liza: Everybody has their reasons, Tad. Adam had his. I had mine.

Tad: And Jake had his.

Liza: Yeah, and why couldn't he be honest with her? Why did he run away?

Tad: Liza, I had no idea that Jake was going to take off, and you're right. He shouldn't have. He should have tried to work things out. I even told him that, you know, the affair might be helpful for his relationship.

Liza: What?

Tad: Yeah, you know, a little perspective.

Liza: Oh, my gosh! I can't wait to tell my marriage counselor this. You know, you really need to see somebody.

Tad: Why?

Liza: Because you think that sexual attraction is some sort of involuntary response.

Tad: Absolutely. I'd say it's a pretty short hop from there to our basic primal instincts.

Liza: It is so self-indulgent and so adolescent.

Tad: Just out of curiosity, is this entire conversation kind of, you know, a veiled innuendo in terms of what happened between you and me?

Liza: You are an egomaniac.

Why would I bring up our sordid past?

Tad: I don't know. Why did you?

Liza: You wish.

Simone: Well, Michael found you, right?

Kendall: Oh, yeah, and now he wants to --

Mia: Make mad and passionate love to you.

Kendall: Tonight.

Simone: Well, is there a problem?

Kendall: Oh, I just -- I just don't know if I'm ready.

Simone: Well, did you tell him that?

Kendall: Yeah, I told him that, and he thinks that it means I don't take him seriously.

Mia: Oh, please gag me.

Kendall: No, I mean, I have been acting a little weird lately.

Mia: Weird or careful?

Simone: You know what? If you don't feel like, then you don't feel like it. Don't do it, you know? Obviously, Michael's not going anywhere.

Kendall: No, he is. He told me if I don't come to his room tonight that he's going to --

Simone: What?

Kendall: Well, he said he's going to leave town and never bother me again.

Jack: Erica, I didn't realize you had an appointment. I'm sorry.

Erica: Well, since when do I need an appointment?

Jack: Well, you know, since often my days are filled with criminal investigations and trials and grand jury proceedings --

Erica: Will you stop it! Please, just stop it.

Jack: Honey, what's wrong? Tell me, what happened? What happened?

Erica: Please -- please, Jack, just hold me.

Jack: Yeah.

Chris: Opal? Opal, what are you trying to tell me? What has she done now?

Opal: Who am I to cast stones? Oh, she's just being a handful, you know, as usual.

Chris: Mm-hmm. How?

Opal: You already have her number. She's putting you through her -- her hellfire, just making damn sure that you really, truly, completely love her.

Chris: Well, I do love her.

Opal: I know, but do you understand that a trip down the aisle has never cured Erica of her insecurities before?

Chris: Well, maybe that's because she's never married me before. Opal, I'm going to love her in a way that she's going to wake up one morning and she's going to think, "What the hell am I doing? I don't need the whole world. I've got Chris."

Opal: Well, good luck.

Chris: Take care.

Opal: Now, you take care.

Chris: Ok.

Man: Hey, Chris. I was just about to call you.

Chris: That's right, Linus. I'm calling off the tail on my fiancée.

Linus: Yeah, I'd rethink that. I'm outside the D.A.'s office right now.

Chris: I know, Linus. She's probably in his office right now telling him what a distrustful jerk I am, but it's no big deal. They've been -- they've been tight for years. He's a safe harbor, so I'll take care of it from here, ok? Thank you.

Erica: So, basically, everybody in the world attacked me today, but I'll forgive you because I really need your strong shoulder right now.

Jack: Erica, you've spent most of your life provoking people. What is it that's happened that has you so upset?

Erica: One of the people I provoked today just happens to be the man I plan to spend the rest of my life with.

Jack: I see. Well, maybe that plan you have for marrying Chris is not such a good plan.

Erica: You'd like me to call it off, wouldn't you?

Jack: Yes, I would.

Erica: Well, I certainly was wrong to come and expect to find a friend here. You clearly have some secret selfish agenda.

Jack: Whoa! Whoa! Like you don't?

Erica: No! I absolutely do not! And especially not where Chris is concerned, and at least when Chris is angry at me, he is man enough to admit it!

Jack: I see, I see, I see, I see. So you came over here to provoke me so I'd get mad at you so you could pretend that you had no feelings for me whatsoever, right?

Erica: What?

Jack: Oh, so you do have feelings for me?

Erica: I am not romantically interested in you, Jack. I have told you that, and I am not secretly longing for you in some subconscious place. I am in love with Chris! I am totally in love with Chris! And I am so finally grateful to have a man who is totally honest with me and would never pretend to feel something or be something that he is not!

Jack: Ugh! I'm not going to let Chris hurt you. Hey. This is Montgomery. I've thought about this as long as I need to. I want you to go after this guy with everything you've got. You follow me?

Mia: I guess Jake's pretty much proven he's not storybook material, huh?

Simone: You know, he's pretty much proven he's not even marriage material.

[Mia chuckles]

Simone: You know, Mia, I don't believe in princes, but if -- you know, if they really do exist, a real one would not have treated you the way Jake did, and, honey, I'm going to promise you one thing -- you're not only going to survive without him. You're going to blossom. You are.

[Phone rings]

Michael: Hello. Yes, I'm still in Pine Valley. Because I believe I'm on to something. I can handle this, father. I know exactly what I'm doing.

[Knock on door]

Michael: Don't worry. I promise, it'll work out. This time you'll be surprised.

Liza: How did a discussion about Mia and Jake become about you and me?

Tad: Because what happened between you and me happens to be the subtext of everything we ever say to one another.

Liza: Get over yourself.

Tad: I will if you will.

Liza: I got over you when I was a teenager.

Tad: I seem to remember differently.

Liza: I finally grew up. Why don't you give it a try?

Tad: Whoo! Meaning what?

Liza: Meaning that every time I have an encounter with the opposite sex, I don't hope that there's going to be a trail of clothes on the floor.

Tad: Look, whether you like it or not, you can't always control sexual attraction.

Liza: That is the lamest excuse.

Tad: No. It's the truth.

Liza: Does rationalizing make it the truth?

Tad: Does denial negate it?

Liza: I try to get through my life being a decent, responsible adult.

Tad: Fine. You knock yourself out. I'll stick with being base and honest.

Liza: You're a lech.

Tad: You are a phony.

Liza: Tramp.

Tad: You bet your ass.

On the next "All My Children" --

Liza: Let go of me.

Tad: Ok. Let go of me.

Anna: Someday, you'll hold your own.

Greenlee: Maybe sooner than you think.

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