All My Children Transcript Monday 12/30/02
Proofread by Alicia
Singer: Oh I'm overdue give me some room I'm comin' through paid my dues in the mood me and the girls gonna shake the room D.J.'s spinnin'
Singers: Show your hands
Singer: Let's get dirty
Singers: That's my jam
Singer: I need that to get me off
Singer: Temperature's up about to erupt
Singers: Gonna get my girls get your boys gonna make some noise gonna get rowdy gonna get a little unruly get it fired up in a hurry wanna get dirty it's about time that I came to start the party sweat drippin' over my body dancin' gettin' just a little naughty wanna get dirty it's about time for my arrival
Singer: Ah, heat is up
Singers: Ladies, fellas
Singers: Low for sure
Singer: Shake a little somethin'
Singers: On the floor
Singer: I need that to get me off
Singers: Sweat until my clothes come off let's get open cause a commotion oh we're still goin' 8:00 in the mornin' there's no stoppin' we keep it poppin' hot rockin' everyone's talkin' wanna’ get dirty it's about time for my arrival what?
Greenlee: That's what we're selling. That's why we're here. That's what we're about.
Kendall: Asking the question, "what do women want?"
Greenlee: Not asking, Kendall. Answering. Look around this room. We're eight women on desire, ready to blast our message to the buying public. We're going to tell our customers what they really deep down desire.
Liza: Well, it's like that point that somebody made earlier about Erica selling Erica -- the image.
Simone: Ah, that was mine. Thank you.
Greenlee: Whatever. All this phumphering about what product we're pushing, guerrilla marketing, the heat, the vibe, the image -- I mean, that's all about us. We're selling us.
Mia: We are what women want?
Greenlee: No, Mia. We know what women want, and that's the message that we're going to put out there.
Kendall: Before we zap our target demo and our nonexistent product goes flying off the shelves, tell us, Greenlee, what is it women really want?
Greenlee: Listen, the reason we're pulling this all-nighter is to bounce ideas off of each other, to distill our essence, to find out what drives us. But if I have to hold you by the hand and tell you what women want, what do I need you for?
Petey: To make you look good. I don't know what women want, but I could go for a loaded slice of pizza. What's the holdup, Nanny K?
Kendall: Finish your math. I'll tell you when the pizza gets here.
Petey: Is this one of those 1970s throwback touchy-feely consciousness-raising sort of things, where you trash guys and try to figure out your inner goddess?
Greenlee: Someone toss that kid back in the cornfield.
Kendall: Petey's ..
Greenlee: No, we're into cosmetics, not daycare.
Kendall: Listen, Palmer leased me this building on the condition I would keep babysitting his son. Petey's not going to get in our way.
Greenlee: He just did.
Liza: There are worse distractions than a 10-year-old boy.
Mia: Like what?
Liza: Part of making it in business is being able to keep your focus razor sharp, despite what's thrown at you.
Petey: I always say that.
Greenlee: Listen, I have a Zen Master's in focus. Tonight we're deciding this company's isonon d'etre. I mean, that's French for our reason for being, our purpose.
Kendall: Oh, Lord have mercy.
Mia: I thought tonight was about what women want.
Kendall: Well, we're all waiting on Madam Zen to tell us what that is.
Man: Anyone here call for pizzas?
Petey: Do we ever. What took you so long?
Simone: Well, a slice of that would be nice for starters.
Simone: Well, I’m telling you.
Man: Evening ladies.
Greenlee: What’s the damage?
Man: Could be terminal.
Greenlee: Excuse me?
Man: I think I just died and went to heaven.
Maggie: I ordered Hawaiian, double pineapple.
Laurie: I'm half green pepper.
Joni: I need hot pepper flakes.
Liza: What do women want? Whatever's hot.
Kendall: Whatever you crave.
Simone: Delivered right to your door.
Greenlee: Don't you have more pizzas to deliver?
Kendall: Or maybe this is where he turns on his boom box and busts out into a peel.
Man: If you don't mind me asking, what are you all doing here?
Maggie: Oh, trying to figure out what women want.
Man: Really? Well, if you figure it out, will you copy me, because I have asked every woman I've ever been with, and I'm still wiouout a clue.
Petey: Stick around. Have a slice on me. Things should get interesting.
Kendall: Liza, I thought we were going to brainstorm on a business plan.
Greenlee: If you were listening, Liza also said we need to define what we're selling and how to get women to buy it.
Liza: That's crucial, but our first order of business is a name for this company.
Greenlee: Well, if we can figure out what today's women want, then we'll have a name for our company.
Maggie: What's this?
Liza: The lawyers have to finish the Incorporation papers, so we'll be registered for the spring season.
Simone: Yeah and how long do we have again?
Liza: At least 10 hours.
Simone: What? 10 hours?
Kendall: Hours? What?
Liza: Deadline's tomorrow, 8:00 A.M.
Simone: 8:00 A.M.
Greenlee: Which means none of us are leaving here until we come up with a name we can all agree on.
Kendall: Hey, you guys, I just realized something.
Greenlee: Stop the presses.
Kendall: Except for Liza and Mia, all of us are single and basically unattached.
Simone: And your point, Kendall?
Kendall: Just that we don't have to answer to anyone.
Mia: And this is a good thing?
Kendall: Well, it depends.
Kendall: If you like the perks of single living -- hogging the bed, the bathroom.
Liza: Ok, no, ok, this is a go question. Do you prefer being single?
Kendall: Well, it's just that everything seems to come in twos, you know?
Simone: Yeah. Have you ever tried going to the movies by yourself?
Greenlee: Can we stick to the agenda, please?
Maggie: Yeah, and you always end up standing behind the couple that can't seem to keep their hands off of each other.
Simone: Yeah, and then when the movies starts, you're sitting there with your jumbo-sized popcorn trying not to look too pathetic.
Kendall: So I can go to the Valley Inn and order something like a cheeseburger, and when the waiter asks how many place settings, I just say two, like I care what the waiter thinks.
Simone: I know.
Kendall: You know what?
Simone: What's he care?
Maggie: No, and I totally agree.
Kendall: I mean, in the beginning --
Simone: Like he's going to hit on us or something.
Greenlee: I fail to see where this idea is taking us. Let's get focused here.
Petey: I'm Petey. What's your name?
Man: I'm Mickey.
Petey: As in mouse with the big black ears?
Mickey: No, as in Mantle. My mom was a baseball freak.
Petey: So, Mick, nice ensemble I've got here, huh?
Mickey: Yeah, dream on, little dude.
Petey: You make good money being a pizza jock?
Mickey: Depends on the tips.
Petey: What'd you score tonight?
Petey: If I were to tell you that 20 will get you 40 if you play cards right, what would you say step into my office, my good man. Aces high, deuces are wild.
Liza: Now that we've all had our pizza, this company needs to personify what women want, and we need to find that tonight.
Maggie: Ok, but we're not psychic, so how are we going to figure out what people want?
Greenlee: Well, we have to get into women's hearts, their heads, what do they feel, what do they dream.
Maggie: Get real, Greenlee.
Greenlee: What, you think I can't crack your secret code?
Maggie: You hardly know me.
Greenlee: But I know what you dream about at night.
David: Ok, Maggie. It's time to make the incision.
Maggie: I can't do this.
Dad: Yes, yes, you can. All your years of study, your hard work has led you to this very moment in time.
Maggie: No, but this is it. This is the real thing.
David: That's right. Life or death. The power is in your hands. Believe in it. Believe in yourself. Dr. Stone.
Greenlee: Maggie stone, M.D. did I nail her fantasy or what?
Maggie: You're so far off it's pathetic.
Greenlee: Oh, come on. Everyone knows you're like your cousin David. You're a baby doc on training wheels.
Maggie: I never said I didn't want to be an MD, ok? I'm working my butt off to get there, believe me, but there is a very big difference between my career goal and what I dream about at night.
Liza: So share.
Laurie: Come on, Maggie.
Simone: Yeah, that's why we asked you here -- so we could discover what you all want.
Maggie: Ok, Greenlee was sort of right. I do want to be like my cousin. But she has the wrong one.
Man: Here, gay chick-chick-chick-chick.
Second man: Forget that girl-on-girl stuff.
Third man: No more of that bump-to-bumper traffic.
First man: Come on.
Bianca: Get away from me.
Man: How about you? You ready for a man?
Bianca: Leave me alone. Help me! Somebody, help me! Help me, please!
Anna: I've got this.
Maggie: No. Please let me.
Bianca: What do you want from me?
Anna: You need backup?
Maggie: No. Let me. It's time to take out the trash.
Bianca: Please, take your hands off me!
Man: Come on, come on, come on!
Man: Come on! That's it. Come on.
Man: Come on!
Bianca: Oh! That is you! Oh, you saved my life, Maggie.
Anna: That's my girl.
Maggie: It's what I'm here for. Let's go.
Kendall: Oh! All right!
Mia: Yeah! Excellent.
Simone: Whoo-hoo! You go, girl!
Maggie: It's just something to do between surgeries.
Simone: Oh, you know what? Wait, ok, ok, wait. What about -- what about Liberate, meaning liberates, we who liberate?
Liza: Sounds sort of 1970s.
Mia: What about you guys? Is that what you dream about?
Laurie: Not Joni, and never on Sundays.
Joni: Don't pick on me. I so know what you dream about
Petey: How are you doing, Nanny Kendall?
Kendall: Get out of here, shrimp. Go.
Petey: I could tell these broads what women want.
Mickey: So why don't you?
Petey: I don't want to spoil all their fun. Drinks are on the house.
Laurie: That's not true, Joni. I don't just dream about sex.
Joni: Then why did you sneak upstairs at J.R.'s?
Laurie: Shh. That's J.R.'s step mom.
Liza: Reminds me of my old school days.
Greenlee: Liza's right, were getting off the point. The question on the table is what women want.
Laurie: To fall into a hole.
Maggie: Come on. What do you really dream about? I told you mine.
Simone: She did.
Laurie: Well, it's kind of silly, but --
J.R.: Laurie? Laurie??
J.R.: Is it safe?
Laurie: You have to be quiet. My father might hear us.
Singer: Steps out of the shade said something like you and me, babe how about it?
Laurie: But if he catches us --
J.R.: I don't care. I love you. I mean, to hell with our fathers.
Laurie: But if they catch us together --
J.R.: No, no, no, I'm taking you away. We don't have to stay here. We're going to get married and live the life we always wanted.
Laurie: J.R. --
J.R.: I want you to be my wife.
Laurie: Your wife?
J.R.: Come with me, Laurie.
Singer: The dice was loaded from the start and I bet and you exploded into my heart Juliet
Maggie: Anyway, that's it? You want a shining prince to come and rescue you?
Mia: I have a great idea. We call the company Escape.
Greenlee: Not good enough. Keep thinking, ladies.
Liza: Escape. What do you think?
Simone: Yeah. I like it.
Kendall: Me, too.
Greenlee: No, it sounds too much like running away, and that's not what we're about.
Kendall: Well, this is getting us nowhere fast.
Greenlee: No one said this was going to be easy, Kendall. We want this company to succeed, and we have to work at it.
Mia: Liza, is this really how to succeed in business?
Liza: Well, you never know when you start a business venture. That's what makes it exciting.
Simone: Ah, exciting is when I interviewed that secret undercover spy.
Maggie: No way.
Simone: Yeah, it's a true story. We had code names --
Greenlee: And a secret handshake and you took notes in invisible ink, yeah.
Simone: Oh, that's right. You were there.
Laurie: How could you do that to me again, bringing up me and J.R? In front of his step mom?
Joni: I'm sorry. I -- I wasn't thinking.
Laurie: How would you like if I told your parents about you and Jamie?
Joni: There's nothing to tell.
Laurie: Come on. You're crazy about him. Don't deny it.
Joni: That's not true.
Laurie: Maybe this is your problem.
Joni: I don't have a problem. Anyway, we're here to talk about what women want, right?
Simone: Oh, yes, right.
Maggie: All right, all right, all right.
Laurie: So let's check out Joni’s dream world.
Joni: You don't have a clue.
Laurie: Please. It's so black and white.
Male singers: Hallelujah
Female singers: Hallelujah
Male singers: Hallelujah
Female singers: Hallelujah
Joni: You know, that shows just how clueless you are. We don't even have nuns in my church.
Greenlee: You know, let's leave religion out of this and focus on the task at hand.
Joni: Everyone thinks I'm a little goody two-shoes who never misses day school. Well, I have fantasies, too. You want to run a sound check on my real dream?
Singer: I hold the key to his heart oh nothing can break us apart oh, no I hold the key to his heart oh if you're thinking of stealing him don't even start 'cause I'm the only one who holds the key to his heart I holds the key to his yeah, yeah, yeah
Kendall: All right, girl. Yoo-hoo!
Laurie: You, a rock star? Since when?
Joni: Since forever.
Laurie: You never said anything.
Joni: Because I knew you'd laugh.
Laurie: Nah-uh. I always thought there was something inside you waiting to explode.
Kendall: Wait a minute, that's it. That's it. That's our name -- Explosion. I can just see the letterhead now.
Greenlee: Explosion? Kind of bad taste, considering the times we live in.
Liza: Greenlee has a point, but let's keep throwing out the ideas.
Mia: Ugh. Let's just face it, girls. As dream forecasters, we are a bust.
Simone: You know, some women are just easier to scope than others.
Liza: That's true Mia.
Liza: What do you want?
Mia: You think you have the inside track into my dream life? Jake, honey, dinner's almost ready.
Jake: Hey, honey.
Jake: Mmm. Well, now what smells so good?
Mia: A new recipe. Arroz con pollo. It got if from the Ricardos next door.
Jake: You're going to spoil me.
Mia: Oh. Now, nothing is too good for the most wonderful husband in the whole world and the most successful Chief of Staff.
Jake: You know, you better hurry up with that dinner, hon, because we're going to be playing bridge tonight with the Cleavers.
Mia: Well, you just relax, honey. I'll have everything ready in a jif jiffy.
Jake: I don't know what I'd do without my little woman.
Mia: The little woman? That's how you see me?
Liza: Well, maybe without the pearls.
Simone: Lots of women dream about being a doctor's wife.
Mia: Yeah, I know, I know. And I love Jake with all my heart, but I have other dreams that have nothing to do with him.
Mia: I know you.
Boy: I'm William.
Mia: William? My --
William: You can say it. Your son.
Mia: You're all grown up now. It's been it's been so long.
William: I wanted to meet my birth mother.
Mia: But why?
William: I know how hard it must have been for you to give me up. I know you did it to give me the best life possible.
Mia: Has it been a good life so far?
William: The best. And that's why I'm here -- to say thank you for giving up a part of yourself, for giving me a wonderful life.
Simone: We're all talking about dreams. How about Dream?
Simone: As in a name for our company.
Greenlee: Well, everyone here knows what you dream about, Simone.
Simone: Hey, Greenlee. Knock yourself out. I dare you.
Edmund: And now it gives me special pleasure to announce this year's winner of the Pulitzer Prize for journalism, Simone Torres.
Simone: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!
Simone: You think prizes and headlines are all I'm about, don't you, Greenlee?
Greenlee: Well, what else would a journalist want?
Simone: Believe it or not, I have dreams that have nothing to do with fame or fortune.
Simone: Anthony? Oh, Anthony, I miss you so much. What do you dream about? Us, when we were kids? Summers boating on the lake? Eating popsicles? Digging for sand castles? I miss those days. I miss you so much. I miss my brother. Oh. I wish more than anything that you'd come back to me.
Simone: Anthony. You're -- you're awake. Yeah.
Anthony: Where am I?
Simone: Oh, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You're awake, and my prayers have been answered.
Mia: What about Miracles?
Petey: You babes are so off base.
Petey: If you really want to know what women want, you have to ask a man -- like me.
Kendall: Oh, you're such a man.
Singers: Here we go here we go wanna get dirty it's about time for my arrival what?
Greenlee: Go back to the nursery, Squirt.
Kendall: No, no, no, wait a minute. Ok, hot shot. I know I'm going to regret this, but suppose you do tell us what women really want.
Petey: Ok. Women want Arnold Loomis
Petey: Have you been living in a cave? Arnold Loomis is the boy genius boss of the surfer chicks, deploying them to fight crime wherever there's evil and the surf's up.
Petey: Good morning, my lovelies.
All: Good morning, Mr. Loomis.
Petey: I have a job for you.
Simone: Oh, can't it wait? I was just waxing my surfboard.
Petey: Sorry, sweetheart. Crime doesn't stop while you catch a perfect wave.
Maggie: But I have a date with my new boyfriend, Red Tide.
Kendall: You undercover surfer chicks are all wet. Arnold baby calls the shots. Without him, we'd still be slinging burgers at Hank's Hoagie Hut.
Simone: I'm sorry. I know chasing down bad boys is more important than shooting the curl.
Maggie: Oh, me, too. And as great-granddaddy Moondoggie used to say you're totally boss!
Petey: There's your name, my lovelies. Surfer Chick.
Simone: Oh -- get out of here!
Joni: Pick on someone your own age.
Petey: Genius is never appreciated in its own time.
Greenlee: You mean your own mind.
Kendall: All right, now, scram, boy blunder.
Petey: Another hand of Go Fish?
Mickey: No, you already cleaned me out.
Petey: I'll take you, double or nothing.
Greenlee: Ladies, let's return to the matter at hand.
Mia: Well, I am still confused. What exactly do women want?
Simone: Well, we've got a pretty good idea of what men want.
Maggie: And it is not cosmetics.
Liza: You're joking, but you're making progress.
Greenlee: We've had four pizzas, two six-packs of sodas, and several greeting card moments. You call that progress?
Liza: Greenlee, you're the one who issued a challenge. You said, "what do women want?" You assumed that we could define our market by a catchy phrase, and it's going to take more than that.
Simone: We have been digging into our souls to try to find that one thing that unites us.
Maggie: Right, and what have we found?
Mia: That women aren't limited to one dream. We want lots of things.
Simone: Second chances.
Kendall: So, you put that all together, and what have we got?
Greenlee: Nothing. We're anonymous. We still need a name.
Kendall: I say we just trash this image-marketing craziness and focus on developing a product. I'm sorry if that makes me a throwback to the Jurassic age, but that's how I feel.
Greenlee: Yeah, that's our name -- Ice.
Kendall: You know what? Every time I come up with an idea, you shoot me down.
Greenlee: Please. You wouldn't know an idea if a light bulb flashed over your head.
Kendall: You're just threatened by me.
Greenlee: Oh, face it, Kendall. I have ideas, I have skill, I experience, and you have Petey Cortlandt.
Kendall: I also have the lease to this building. Without me you'd be out on the street.
Simone: Ok, ok, enough! Time-out! Listen to me. Kendall, Greenlee, you both are more alike than you're willing to admit.
Liza: Oh, I agree.
Greenlee: No, I have nothing in common with that trailer trash on a stick.
Kendall: Did you hear what that little garden gnome just call me?
Simone: Ok, enough! Stop fighting, both of you! If you both would just take 10 seconds and be honest with yourselves, you would realize that you both have the same dream and there's only room enough for one of you in it.
Kendall: Yes, I'd like you to take that and store it in the basement.
Man: Yes, ma'am.
Kendall: No, no, no, wait. Better yet, throw it in the furnace.
Kendall: Oh. Yes? No, that's not what I said. I said the shipment needs to be in by next week, next business Friday. I don't care if there's a Holiday strike. Just do it! I'll have to get back to you. What is that supposed to be?
Greenlee: What does it look like?
Kendall: It looks like this company isn't big enough for the two of us.
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