AMC Transcript Tuesday 2/12/02


All My Children Transcript Tuesday 2/12/02

By Suzanne
Proofread by Kathy

>> Previously on "All My Children" --

Mia: So then -- then we're going to get out of Pine Valley?

Jake: Yeah. I just have to tie up one loose end with David Hayward.

David: I could fall in love with you, Devane. I really could.

Leo: God, it's Larry. Mother, what did you do?

Ryan: Hey, it's okay.

Kendall: You're so right. I can't let her get to me. I have to move on.

Ryan: Or not. I mean, because it must be hard because your mom won't meet you halfway. I know how that feels. Been there.

Kendall: Wait a minute here. What -- what's up with you?

Ryan: What do you -- why would you say -- nothing's up with me.

Kendall: Since when are you nice to me?

Anna: You could fall in love with me?

David: Mm-hmm.

Anna: Oh.

David: Why is that so difficult for you to believe that we might fall in love with each other?

Anna: Well, there is a word for what we feel for each other. In fact, there's probably several. But "love" isn't one of them. It never will be.

Mia: Can you tell me why it is so important to get David Hayward out?

Jake: Thank you. Mia, I love this hospital, and I'm not going to leave it in the hands of David Hayward to get away with God knows what.

Mia: Maybe it is because you love the hospital, but I -- I think it's a little personal, too.

Jake: It's personal, too.

Mia: So, I mean, how long? How long is it going to take to get him fired?

Jake: Well, I'm thinking not long.

Vanessa: Dr. Martin, may I have a word with you? I really could use your help.

Jake: You know what, Vanessa? I've just gone off duty. Excuse us.

Vanessa: Well, excuse me, but, please -- forgive me, if you will, I mean, for being so rude before. You know, I just wasn't myself.

Jake: Well, I think you were pretty much the Vanessa Cortlandt that I know.

Vanessa: Oh, well, yes. I guess I can become quite a tigress, you know, when my son's welfare is concerned. I mean, after all, you wounded Leo so. Well, I mean, you were being rather intimate with poor Leo’s fiancée.

Jake: Vanessa, why does no one seem to understand that Leo and Greenlee's happiness has nothing to do with me?

Vanessa: Because it's not true. You're the one Greenlee wants. She said so. Don't tell me it completely displeases you. I mean, after all, Greenlee said she wants to leave Pine Valley with you. She wants to sail away with you. Take her up on it. You'll all be much happier, I guarantee it.

Greenlee: Your mother? She did this?

Greenlee: My God. It's her chauffeur, her lover.

Leo: Larry.

Greenlee: You knew about this. That's why you've been so worried about Vanessa.

Leo: I was afraid this might be true.

Greenlee: Oh, poor Leo. Oh, Leo. Oh, poor you.

Edmund: Just let me talk to the warden.

Brooke: No, we're scrapping next week's issue.

Edmund: I've been waiting 24 hours to speak to Mateo Santos.

Brooke: It's totally devoted to the movie awards.

Edmund: No, of course it's off the record.

Brooke: Yes, oh, great -- color, glam, glitz.

Edmund: It's got nothing to do with "Tempo."

Brooke: No, it's going to be entirely new.

Edmund: I don't care what Chris Stamp wants.

Brooke: Plenty of interviews with all of the nominees.

Edmund: Since when does Mr. Stamp run the federal government?

Brooke: An article by Joan and Melissa.

Edmund: I'm not taking no for an answer.

Brooke: All right, it'll fly off the stands. Great. Bye. How'd it go?

Edmund: Lousy. They're still keeping Mateo under wraps. How about you?

Brooke: I hate to tell you, but the advertisers are loving this all-fluff issue.

Edmund: We'll burn in hell.

Brooke: Well, we have no choice, according to you.

Edmund: No, we don't. No, we don't. We have to scrap the Proteus issue, courtesy of the FBI.

Brooke: And since when do we listen to whatever the government says?

Edmund: Well, since Mateo doesn't want us to fight this.

Brooke: I don't understand this. Mateo is innocent. Why doesn't he just say so?

Edmund: I don't know.

Brooke: You've been working with him for months. We have the proof.

Edmund: He's afraid something will happen to the proof if we give it to the Feds. I think he's figuring if he's in jail, Proteus will lay off his family. I hope he knows what he's doing.

Brooke: Listen, we scrap the issue. It's no big deal. You know, we'll have a bigger scoop later.

Edmund: That's not what's worrying me.

Brooke: I know it isn’t. You know, I know that you're concerned about Mateo, but what else can you do? And like you said, he knows what he's doing.

Vanessa: Oh, dear. Have I been indiscreet? Young Dr. Martin was going to sail away with you.

Mia: Oh, no, no, this has nothing to do with me.

Vanessa: Oh, but, please, dear, it's better to get these things out front, you know.

Jake: Why don't you just be quiet, Vanessa. I would appreciate if you would stay the hell out of my life.

Vanessa: I beg your pardon?

Jake: I'm not listening to you, and neither is Mia. Excuse us.

Vanessa: Well --

Mia: You know what? What a second. I'm finding this all kind of revealing. So she's Dr. Hayward's mother, isn't she?

Vanessa: Yes, she's Dr. Hayward's mother. Of course, it would be unwise to underestimate either one of us.

Jake: Yeah, you and your son play both fast and loose with the law, don't you?

Vanessa: And what is that supposed to mean?

Jake: That means you think that the law doesn't apply to you, Vanessa. But let me tell you something -- in your son's case, it does.

Vanessa: Oh, yeah. Well, I've heard that before.

Mia: She's slightly over-the-top, isn't she?

Jake: Yeah, slightly.

Mia: So, what did you mean by Hayward playing fast and loose with the law?

Jake: David Hayward has been using hospital funding to do some sort of personal research on his own.

Mia: And that's against the law?

Jake: Well, it is if he intends to profit by it. And I can tell you right now, it's not going to happen.

Mia: You know what? All of a sudden I hate him, too. So go get the bum.

Jake: I plan on it, all right? Won't take long.

Mia: Oh, and listen -- not that I'm giving any credence to what the dragon lady said, but --

Jake: Greenlee?

Mia: Yeah.

Jake: I want you to do me a favor -- start packing.

Mia: But if there is any doubt in your mind --

Jake: Not one. Pretty soon, you and me are going to be sailing off in the sunset on my new sailboat.

Mia: Okay. Okay.

Vanessa: I have another assignment for you, Roscoe. Yes, you're going to supervise a little cruise. Oh, it's a couple of burials at sea.

Leo: This is what's been making me so crazy, Greens. This is what I was hoping would go away, I guess.

Greenlee: Can't you give us some privacy?

Man: Well, I'm not supposed to leave him unattended.

Greenlee: None of us is going anywhere.

Man: All right. Five minutes while I make a phone call.

Leo: Can you believe this?

Greenlee: I'm sorry that I was so -- I shouldn't have been so hard on you.

Leo: Listen, it's not you, honey.

Greenlee: No, I wish you knew that you could've come to me. I would've helped you.

Leo: But you were right, Greenlee. You told me that I had to cut Vanessa out of my life, like David has.

Greenlee: Well, I know that that's hard to hear.

Leo: It's -- it's the truth. Oh, my God, I'm such an idiot. Even now -- jeez, even now I'm racking my brain, trying to give Vanessa the benefit of the doubt about this. It's crazy.

Greenlee: She's your mother. And to face it -- this is hell.

Leo: No, she's a murderess. And it's not like it's the first time, either.

Greenlee: Well, now you're going to have to let the law take over.

Leo: I know. I know.

Greenlee: Leo -- Leo, I know what you're thinking, but there's nothing you can do -- certainly not to get her out of this.

Leo: But, Greenlee, if I'm not going to help her, who is?

Greenlee: No, no, you are not responsible for Vanessa. She's made you feel like that your whole life, but you can't get her out of this. It's not going to go away.

Leo: I'm sorry. I wish I wouldn't even have gotten you into this mess. You don't deserve this.

Greenlee: I want to share everything with you. You know that.

Leo: But do you? Didn't I drive you back to Jake?

Greenlee: No, forget that.

Leo: You know Jake would never --

Greenlee: No, no, no, no, no. Forget it. Forget it, Leo.

[Phone rings]

Leo: Hello. Hello, Mother. Uh -- no, no. Thank you for your concern. I'm glad you called. Listen, I need to see you, like, right away. Yeah, yeah, I guess you could say it's a problem. It's just something that just came up. Yeah, I know, I know. You always know how to fix everything.

David: Oh, so you're a psychic now? You know that we'll never fall in love with each other?

Anna: If we're smart, and we are.

David: And why not?

Anna: Why ruin a perfectly good situation? We have a lot of laughs, don't we, you know, you and I? I slip you a mickey. You booby-trap me. It's fun. And great sex.

David: All right, all right, you're not being funny. What are you so afraid of?

Anna: I will never let myself fall in love with you.

David: Well, then I demand to know the reason why.

Anna: Because I -- I can't love someone that I don't trust, and I don't see how I'm ever going to trust you.

David: Hmm. Fair enough.

Anna: Ah, thank you.

David: But before you zing me with any more insults -- perceptive as they may be --

Anna: Aha.

David: I want to give you something. Here. Look at this.

Anna: "C.J. Research File." And you are giving me this because?

David: Because you're responsible for it -- at least for the name. "C.J." stands for Chen Jade. It's the name of my lab up in the cabin.

Anna: Oh, Chen Jade.

David: Mm-hmm.

Anna: The little statue I stole.

David: In a previous life.

Anna: "In a previous life." Well, this is all the research that you've done up in the cabin.

David: That's right. So go ahead, read it. I brought it down here so I can update the files. You can ask me any questions you like. Now, as you know, this research is very important to me, and I want to trust you with it. And you happen to be the only person who knows about my lab.

Anna: Because I tracked you up to your cabin.

David: No, no, no, you didn't track me. I led you there, remember?

Anna: Oh, yeah. It's always so hard to remember who it is that's actually conning who.

David: Mm-hmm, no kidding.

Anna: Is that why I can't read the other file?

David: What other file?

Anna: The little lonely one sitting there in your briefcase.

David: That file has nothing to do with my research in the cabin.

Anna: Oh, it's a secret, is it? Oh, "D.M."

David: Anna --

Anna: "D.M.," "D.M.," "D.M." Oh, I wonder what precious gem or flawless piece of art that one could be named after. Dixie Martin. No wonder I can't read it. You trust me only so far, right, David?

David: Dixie is my patient.

Anna: A patient.

David: You cannot look at a patient's file.

Anna: Oh, no, no, no. Doctor/patient confidentiality.

David: Yeah. Yeah, something like that.

Anna: Please, don't bother to lock it. You know, I don't care if there's little hearts drawn in the margin.

David: What is it with you? Why do you always turn everything into an ugly joke?

Anna: Because it is a joke. And what is funnier is that it's not me you're trying to fool but yourself.

David: And how am I trying to fool myself?

Anna: I was there, David. I flew with you in a cyclone, rushing to Dixie’s sickbed.

David: That's because Dixie’s medical condition is exactly what I'm researching!

Anna: Because it's Dixie’s medical condition.

David: Oh, ugh!

Anna: I saw the expression on your face when she was pulling through and she wanted to thank you for saving her life. God, have you ever looked at another woman like that ever?

David: That has nothing to do with you.

Anna: Exactly. Yeah. That's what I'm trying to tell you. Dixie is the woman that you love.

David: Oh.

Anna: You more than love her. You idolize her.

David: All right, that's enough. Anna, that's enough, please!

Anna: And I don't think it's a problem. She's alive. She's divorced. Both of which situations you are at least partially responsible for.

[Phone rings]

Anna: Don't answer that. Don't answer that. Da-- okay.

David: Yes, Dr. Hayward here. What, Leo? All right. I'll be right there. My mother is finished.

Ryan: Why can't I be sympathetic? I mean, you know, you were upset, so --

Kendall: A lot how you cared how I felt -- would you -- give me that. God, what is up with you and this doll?

Ryan: Look, I was -- I've just been thinking that maybe I haven't given you enough credit. You know, it can't be easy having to deal with Erica. Believe me, I have issues with my mom. I know. I've been there --

Kendall: Oh, please. My life is boring enough without suffering through some sob story about you and your dead Mommy.

Ryan: Okay, Kendall. I was just trying to shut you up for five minutes.

Kendall: Why? Is the noise I'm making in here keeping you and your mistress, Mrs. Santos, from getting it on?

Ryan: Hey, hey, hey, hey. I told you not to joke about that.

Kendall: Well, then why don't we get our schedules straight? That way I can put my headphones on when the two of you are going at it.

Ryan: No, you see, I warned you about that. You spread any rumors about Hayley, and I will personally make sure that I shove those lies straight down your throat.

J.R.: Ryan.

Ryan: What do you want?

J.R.: What went down at my dad's house today? Why did you take that disc from Hayley and Mateo’s stuff?

Ryan: You see, that would be none of your business.

J.R.: But the cops are after it.

Ryan: Yeah, and I expect you to say nothing to them about it, all right? Look, Mateo is in a lot of trouble.

J.R.: Yeah. Yeah, I know he is. And that's why I want to know what's on the disc.

Ryan: Well, I can't tell you that. Listen, I'm doing this to help Hayley.

J.R.: Are you? How, by making sure Mateo stays in jail?

Ryan: What? What the hell is that supposed to mean?

J.R.: Ryan, I'm not an idiot. I know -- I know you and Hayley have a past. What's going on with you and my sister?

Ryan: Oh.

Vanessa: Leo, darling, what's the problem? What is she doing here? How can you even let this person near you after the way she betrayed you?

Leo: We'll get to that later if we have time, I promise. We have a lot to discuss.

Vanessa: Leo, I'm very serious. If you're incapable of knowing what's good for you, I have no choice but to --

Leo: Shut up. Shut up. You don't have to worry about me. You better start worrying about yourself.

David: Leo -- did she admit it?

Vanessa: Admit what?

Leo: I haven't told her yet.

David: But you're sure it's him?

Vanessa: Sure who's whom?

Leo: Yes, I'm sure. It's Larry.

Vanessa: Larry? What, my ex-driver? Where?

Leo: In the morgue, Mother. And before that, he was in the lake, where you dumped him.

David: Let me have your phone, please. Hello. This is Dr. David Hayward. May I speak with Lt. Frye, please?

Vanessa: Oh, what's going on here, David? Why are you calling the police?

David: Yes. I would like to report a murder.

Ryan: Hi. Great. Will you excuse us, please?

Kendall: Be my guest. Your room's right over there.

Ryan: Well, we can't go in there. The guy's fixing the leaky faucet.

Kendall: He is? What a miracle. I actually should have him come over and take a look at mine.

Ryan: Great, great. I'll make sure he gets the message. Get lost. Good-bye.

Kendall: Okay. I'll be right over there behind my very thin walls.

Ryan: Listen, J.R., I really can't tell you what you need to know, all right?

J.R.: Look, I wasn't thinking when I let you take that disc right from underneath the cops' noses. I just want to know what's on it.

Ryan: Well, I can't give you the details. I can't, all right? It'll compromise what Hayley and I are trying to do.

J.R.: I helped you get your hands on it. I just want to make sure that it wasn't a mistake.

Ryan: It wasn’t. All right, trust me, it wasn't. You did the right thing. Now, just keep it a secret.

J.R.: But you can't tell me what's going on?

Ryan: I can’t. Trust me.

J.R.: No! You know what? No one explains anything to me anymore, and then they get all over my case when I'm not upfront about every -- every little thing that I do.

Ryan: All right, fine. That's a valid point. I'll give you that. But unfortunately, in this case, this is the way it's got to be.

J.R.: No. I -- I have a proposition for you.

Ryan: Oh, yeah?

J.R.: Yeah. You -- you want me to keep stuff from the cops, right? Well, that can't be too good for my reputation.

Ryan: Go on.

J.R.: If you want me to trust you, then you can just -- you can cancel that IOU that we have.

Ryan: I'll tell you what I'm going to do, all right? If you keep your mouth shut, I'll knock off, like -- I don't know -- 100 bucks off the cost of the bike.

J.R.: 100 bucks? Please. That's --

Ryan: Yeah. 100 bucks. That's like, what, 10 hours of working at a burger joint? That's the deal.

J.R.: Deal.

Ryan: Listen to me -- I'm serious. Don't tell anybody about this -- no one.

J.R.: Yeah.

Kendall: I heard everything you said.

Ryan: Yeah, I bet you did.

Kendall: I heard you tell him how you're shacked up in your room with his sister. I know Hayley's still here. I can hear her in there!

Vanessa: Leo, darling --

David: Well, then would you please have Lt. Frye contact me as soon as possible? Really? Well, that's exactly where we are. What a coincidence. Great. Well, look, just have him meet us here, then. Thank you. What a coincidence.

Vanessa: David, what is happening? What are you doing?

David: Lt. Frye is already here, Mother, in the morgue, getting acquainted with your victim.

Vanessa: Tell him to stop this, darling. He's trying to drive me crazy, your brother is. He's -- that's what he wants to do. He still wants to have me committed.

David: No, no, no. You see, plans have changed, mother, now that we have a dead body with your name all over it.

Vanessa: You know, I'm not listening to you. Leo, please make him stop --

Leo: Mom, I saw the body. I saw the body. It was Larry.

Vanessa: Oh, my God. Larry's really dead?

Leo: Yes, Larry’s really dead.

David: Oh, great. Here we go, folks. Get ready for a close-up.

Leo: Could we not enjoy this so much? Let's just do this. Listen to me -- come here. Okay, the police are going to want to talk to you, all right? And you have to know what you're going to say.

Vanessa: I suppose this is really happening, huh?

Leo: Yes, this is really happening.

Vanessa: Well, then I think I should call Palmer because he has the very best lawyers, don't you --

[Leo sighs]

Vanessa: What am I saying? Palmer's not going to help me now, is he? Well, then, Leo, I don't know what to do.

Greenlee: No. No, no, no, no, no, no. He's not going to help you. You can't use him to do whatever you want.

Vanessa: You shut your face, you little tramp. Don't you dare come between me and my son. I will eat you alive --

David: Lt. Frye, perfect timing.

Derek: Yeah, I got your message, Dr. Hayward. You said you had information on the body found in Willow Lake?

David: Yes, I do, as a matter of fact. My brother ID'd him. He was in the employ of my mother.

Derek: Mrs. Cortlandt?

Vanessa: Well, if what my son says is true, he was my chauffeur, yes. And I am absolutely devastated to hear what happened to him.

David: Well, then maybe you can explain to the lieutenant why your trunk was also in Willow Lake.

Vanessa: I don't see why that's relevant.

David: And how a bracelet belonging to Larry happened to be in the trunk.

Derek: Wait a minute. Are you -- are you trying to tell me that this body was in your mother's trunk at some point?

David: All I can tell you is that my mother had Leo and me carry that trunk out of the Valley Inn. And it was very heavy, wasn't it, Leo?

Derek: What's the story, Mrs. Cortlandt?

Vanessa: Well --

Derek: What was in the trunk? Why was it so heavy?

Vanessa: This is utter nonsense, nonsense. Yes, Larry came to my new home. He took my trunk, along with all of my jewelry, and he left. He was very, very much alive, I swear it.

Leo: Mother, please, for once in your life, do the right thing. Don't you see? You're only going to make it worse for yourself if you don’t. Just do the right thing.

Vanessa: Leo, I don't know what you want me to say.

Leo: Listen to me -- Lt. Frye will understand. Okay? It'll be over in a minute. Larry beat me up, didn't he?

Vanessa: Mm-hmm.

Leo: Pretty savagely. And he threatened you. You were frightened, and you were upset. You tell him that. All you wanted was for Larry to leave you -- leave us alone. And that's the reason you killed him.

Vanessa: Hmm.

Jake: Come on, Hayward. The key's got to be here somewhere. Where'd he put that key?

Jake: Well, that's more than careless, Hayward, but thank you very much. What do we have here? "C.J. Research Lab."

Brooke: Well -- ahem. I don't know if that helped Mateo, but it certainly gave me a lift.

Edmund: Hmm. You're not the only one. We've been doing a lot of this lately.

Brooke: Yes. Well, I have no complaints.

Edmund: Me, neither.

Brooke: Yes?

Edmund: But don't you think it's -- I don't know -- just a little unprofessional that we keep grabbing each other every time we start to feel --

Brooke: Ooh, yes. Well, you know, I don't think that we should, say, oh, grab each other in the middle of a union meeting. But if it's just the two of us, I say, who are we hurting?

Edmund: Brooke, we found each other at exactly the right time in our lives.

Woman: Get them while they're hot.

Brooke: Oh, yes.

Edmund: Ahem.

Woman: Well, the new galleys for next week's issue of "Tempo." At least I think it's "Tempo."

Brooke: Oh --

Edmund: Very funny. If I wanted your opinion, I'd pay you more.

Woman: Oh, I smell Pulitzer.

Edmund: Oh.

Woman: I smell something.

Brooke: Okey-dokey.

Edmund: Bye, Amy.

Brooke: Let's just hold our noses and proofread it real quick.

Edmund: I can't stand this. The all-fluff issue of "Tempo." I think award shows are boring.

Brooke: Okay. So you'll write a three-page editorial about how award shows are the end of civilization as we know it and that everyone should read books.

Edmund: Everyone should read books. I am going to write that editorial. It's going to be about people who don't read. "Fellowship of the Boring." All we do is watch TV. We never --

Brooke: Oh, no. I don't believe it.

Edmund: What?

Brooke: I'm working on a story all day and all night with a man I adore. Just like Roz and Cary.

Brooke and Edmund: "His Girl Friday."

Brooke: Yeah, Rosalind Russell, Cary Grant.

Edmund: I took you to see that movie.

Brooke: I know. It's my favorite movie.

Edmund: Is it, now?

Brooke: Well, it's my favorite vintage movie about two people who love each other and who work in publishing.

Edmund: Well, if it'll help, I could have a cleft surgically implanted into my chin.

Brooke: Hmm. Hmm. I'll get back to you.

Edmund: But first, you know, since it's your favorite movie --

Brooke: Yeah, yeah.

Edmund: We could recreate one of those hot love scenes from "His Girl Friday."

Brooke: There are no hot love scenes in "His Girl Friday."

Edmund: There are in my remake.

Brooke: Okay.

[Ryan sighs]

Kendall: I wasn't spying on you.

Ryan: You know what? I really don't care anymore.

Kendall: My mail.

Ryan: Yeah, well, I hope there's not too many big words in there.

Kendall: Actually, I like getting letters. The only problem is answering them all.

Ryan: Great. Have fun.

Kendall: Of course, this time I'll have lots to write about. "Guess who I'm living next door to. Three clues. One, she's a TV star, two, her father is a billionaire, and, three, she's married to a notorious drug lord."

Ryan: All right, all right, all right, all right. I'll tell you the truth.

Kendall: The truth about you and Hayley?

Ryan: Inside.

Kendall: You've got Hayley in your room.

Ryan: Yes.

Kendall: I knew it. I knew I was right.

Ryan: No. Hayley's a wreck, all right? She finally went to sleep. First time in days.

Kendall: So, what, you're her keeper, her nurse?

Ryan: I'm her friend. That's it. That's all there is to it.

Kendall: And how long are you expected to perform this service?

Ryan: Until she finds out what happens to Mateo.

Kendall: Well, what's the mystery? He'll go to trial, and he'll go away for a few years.

Ryan: No, not necessarily.

Kendall: Why? What do you know?

Ryan: Mateo got mixed up with some dangerous people. Hayley's staying with me just for her own protection.

Kendall: You're willing to take a bullet for her?

Ryan: Well, like I said, she's my friend.

Kendall: Yeah, but you don't think it's a little dicey to have her lying there in your bed?

Ryan: Do you ever let it go, ever?

Kendall: No, wait, wait. I believe you. I do.

Ryan: Fine.

Kendall: Now I can see it. The halo, the wings. You're a damned guardian angel. What -- what I meant is there's not enough room in your room for the two of you, so Hayley can stay in here.

Ryan: What, with you?

Kendall: I'm leaving.

Ryan: Since when?

Kendall: Since now. This dump's not good enough for me anymore.

Ryan: Well, yeah, I guess, you know, you deserve better.

Kendall: I just know how much you'll miss me.

Ryan: When are you thinking of taking off?

Kendall: How about now? I travel light. I could pack some things up right now and get going. The sooner, the better.

Ryan: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. You can't -- you can't go.

Vanessa: You're right, darling. There's very little I wouldn't do for you -- haven't done for you before. And, yes, lieutenant, there's nothing I wouldn't do for my -- I would even kill for my two sons, no matter what happened to me. But in this case, I happen to be innocent. I did not kill Larry!

Leo: Well, then there's nothing that I can do to help you.

Derek: Mrs. Cortlandt, if you had nothing to do with it, then can you tell me why both of your sons are accusing you of having committed murder?

Vanessa: Oh, well, that's really easily explained. You see, they just haven't been themselves -- neither one of them -- ever since they've been under the control of these two vipers!

Brooke: "This year, the real stars were the special effects, which effectively put me to sleep." I think you have to move over and I'm going to write this.

Edmund: I knew you were going to do that. I'm surprised it took so long. But as I recall, in the movie "His Girl Friday," they did manage to get the newspaper edition out in time.

[Brooke gasps]

Brooke: Oh, my Lord! The art department guys are waiting for me!

Edmund: Yes, and they still operate without technical wizardry. Go, go, go, stop. Go.

Brooke: Go. Stop. I'm so confused.

[Imitates sizzle]

Edmund: Phoebe? I need your help. For Valentine’s Day. I want to plan something special for -- for my girl Friday.

Kendall: You don't want me to leave? Why?

Ryan: Because -- you're self-involved, you're a royal pain, your mind is like a cesspool, and you --

Kendall: Gee, thanks for the compliments.

Ryan: And before you moved here, things were -- I don't know -- kind of -- kind of dull.

Kendall: Does that mean that you'll stop calling me pathetic and keep telling me to get a life?

Ryan: No.

Kendall: Okay. I can live with that. I'll stay. I have to say one thing about you. You've been straightforward with me from day one. You haven't tried to pull the wool over my eyes, like everyone else I know. That means something.

[Ryan sighs]

Jake: So this is what you've been researching with hospital money. I got you now, Hayward. I got you now.

Anna: "Viper"? Oh, that's rich, coming from you.

Leo: Enough.

Derek: Quiet -- please, please. Look, Mrs. Cortlandt, I'm not satisfied that you're telling me everything. This dead body, your chauffeur -- was he also your lover?

Vanessa: Well, now, Lieutenant, if he was, that's only a crime of the heart, isn't it?

Derek: Well, maybe not. I mean, your last young lover -- at least the last one I know about -- he ended up dead, too, didn't he?

Vanessa: Well, what -- that has nothing to do with this.

Derek: I mean, did you argue with Larry the way you argued with Paolo? I mean, you are a year older, Mrs. Cortlandt, and maybe -- and maybe your chauffeur was demanding higher wages for his services. All right.

Vanessa: How dare you. How dare you.

Derek: All right. We're taking you in for striking an officer.

Vanessa: Oh --

Derek: Cuff her, boys.

Vanessa: Lieutenant, I'm -- please, forgive me. I'm sorry. I lost my head.

Derek: Yeah, I'll think about it after we talk down at the station. Come on, bring Zsa Zsa. Let's go.

Vanessa: No, no, Leo, Leo -- don't let this happen, please, will you? Please, darling. Perfect.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Greenlee: Your mother deserves to go to jail, and you'll be free of her scaly clutches.

Jake: Let's just see what you've been up to here, Dr. David.

Dixie: Promise me that you won't tell Tad.

Erica: And don't tell me you haven't thought about me or wanted me.

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