AMC Transcript Wednesday 1/23/02


All My Children Transcript Wednesday 1/23/02

Provided by Suzanne
Proofread by Kathy

>> Previously on "All My Children" --

Leo: My mother, she's completely void, she's completely empty, and it scares me to know that about her.

David: I'm going to enlighten Larry.

Vanessa: No, no, you mustn’t. No, please don't. Besides that, he's long gone. You'll never catch up with him.

Ryan: Slow down!

Jake: Oh, boy. See? This is what it's like to date a doctor.

Mia: I didn't know we were dating, Jake.

Jake: Well --

Mia: It's no problem. I'm getting properly hammered all by myself here.

Jake: Really?

Mia: Really. Straight up seltzer. I'm no lightweight.

Jake: Oh, jeez, could've fooled me. Yeah, I'm the guy who carried you from the ER to my car that night.

Mia: Oh, you are so funny.

Jake: No, really, I am sorry. It's just the hospital's so short staffed --

Waiters: Happy Birthday to you

Jake: Uh --

Waiters: Happy Birthday to you

Mia: Let them finish.

Waiters: Happy Birthday Dr. Martin

Jake: Oh, yeah.

Waiters: Happy Birthday to you

Waiter: Happy Birthday, Doc.

Jake: Thank you, everyone. Thank you. Mia?

Mia: Yes, Jake?

Jake: It's not my birthday.

Mia: I'm aware of that.

Jake: Okay. All right.

Mia: So make a wish.

Jake: Wait a minute -- isn't this against the rules of the birthday gods?

Mia: Not mine. So good ahead, blow out the candle, make a wish.

Jake: You did this why?

Mia: Martin, blow out the candle.

Mia: I hope your wish was extravagantly appropriate.

Jake: I think it was.

Mia: Good, because that's the goal.

Greenlee: Okay, this feels weird.

Leo: That's because it is. Wish I knew what the hell this was about.

Greenlee: Well, we'll make sure he tells us.

David: Hey.

Greenlee: Hi.

David: Thanks for coming so quickly. Come on in.

Leo: You said it was important.

David: Yeah.

Leo: Hey.

Anna: Hello.

David: Yeah, don't worry about Anna. She knows everything there is to know about our mother.

Leo: Lucky you.

Greenlee: Leo said that you sounded like Vanessa had pulled something again.

David: Yeah, yeah, I'll get to that in a minute. First, Leo, how are you feeling?

Leo: Pretty good, I guess. I overdid it with the pills, but I lived.

Greenlee: David, is this about Vanessa’s skanky chauffeur, the one that beat up Leo?

David: Well, not directly, though I did talk to Vanessa about getting rid of Larry and she swears that he's out of the picture for good.

Vanessa: Palmer, no! Uh, just -- just --

Palmer: "Just" what? What's gotten in -- what's the matter?

Vanessa: Just, darling, just don't go.

Palmer: Don't -- are you insane? I want to go outside and I want my cashmere scarf.

Vanessa: You don't need it.

Palmer: It's cold outside, woman!

Vanessa: Well, then don't go. I won't allow it.

Palmer: You won't allow it?

Vanessa: Well, darling -- Palmer, I need to confess something to you and I have to confess it, darling, before you go anywhere.

Palmer: Good Lord, honey, you're -- you're shaking. What's the matter? What's the matter? What's gotten into you?

Vanessa: It's just dreadful. It's awful. I have to --

Palmer: Has your son said something to you? Has he done something to you?

Vanessa: No. No, I can't blame what I did on David. No, not this time, darling. I -- Palmer, I've done a terrible, terrible thing.

Kendall: What the hell did you do?

Ryan: Ah!

Kendall: Wait, it sounded like someone tried to take you out. They missed. Wait, are you willing to say what just went down or what?

Ryan: Oh, no, no, no! Who would do this? Ah!

Kendall: You didn't see the whites of his eyes, huh?

Ryan: I saw a car screaming at me with its headlights right in my eyes and I dove out of the way and I hit my leg. Did you see the license plate number?

Kendall: What, using my x-ray vision? I was in my room, Einstein. How -- how bad is your leg hurt?

Ryan: Who would -- who would trash my bike and then just take off? Who would do that?

Kendall: You don't owe anybody money, do you?

Ryan: No. No, I don't owe anybody anything, all right? I paid cash for my bike. The only overhead I have is for this dump that I rent.

Kendall: Oh, you're flying free and solo, huh?

Ryan: It's -- it's totaled, it's totaled. It's totally, totally totaled!

Kendall: I know this may sound like a dumb question, six-pack, but you had insurance on this, right?

Ryan: Do you have any idea how much this bike cost me?

Kendall: I don't know much about bikes. I prefer things with four wheels and a roof, myself.

Ryan: Do you have any idea how much it meant to me?

Kendall: Was he your wittle friend?

Ryan: You know what -- just shut up, Kendall! Shut the -- just get out of my face, all right? This is the only thing that I liked about my life, so just get out of here, please.

Kendall: Not that this is my favorite thing to do, but I'm told that when there's an accident you should call the cops and report to your insurance company --

Ryan: I am going to strangle the jackass -- I swear to you, I will track him down and I am going to kill him.

J.R.: Hey. You okay?

Ryan: Do I look okay? Some idiot just trashed my bike and nearly killed me. Would you be okay?

J.R.: Ryan, that -- I -- that would be me.

Leo: So you're telling me that Vanessa fired Larry because he beat the stuffing out of me?

Greenlee: You sound surprised.

Leo: David, I understand that you went to bat for me, and I think that's great, really, but that's not the reason you asked us over here. To compare notes? What? Hey, what am I missing?

Anna: I think your brother's concerned about your mother's state of mind.

Greenlee: Yeah, what else is new? She cheated on her husband with her driver and then turned all helpless when he beat the crap out of Leo for telling him to back off.

David: Look, I -- I know this is going to sound strange, but she actually got choked up when she talked about this thug.

Leo: Oh -- Vanessa got choked up about Larry? Come on.

David: Yeah, it was like -- like she felt something for him or something. I don't know.

Leo: Listen, I traipsed all over Europe with this woman as a kid. She bounced from one loser's bed to the next, and she never had any feelings for any of them, believe me.

Greenlee: Yeah, but she has been acting different lately. I mean, I saw it.

David: When?

Greenlee: Well, I went over to her to talk to her about her relationship with Leo and she went ballistic on me. She started screaming at me and telling me to get out, and at first I thought it was because she was waiting for this Larry guy, but it was more than that. It was like --

David: Like -- like what?

Greenlee: It was like if she could have, she would've killed me.

David: Leo, listen, I -- I think our mother needs some help.

Leo: Help? What, a shrink?

David: Yeah, yeah, and some medication wouldn't hurt, either.

Leo: And how do you know this?

David: Leo, it's just an observation. From where I stand, it looks like our mother's about to lose her mind. Look, maybe you feel comfortable watching our mother unspool, and that's perfectly fine with me, okay? I'm not going to lose any sleep.

Leo: It's just this whole thing makes me so uncomfortable.

David: Well, it's not my favorite subject, either.

Leo: Maybe we should go.

Anna: No! I mean, you're here. You know, we've never all done something together yet.

Greenlee: What do you want to do, play charades?

Anna: No. No, I was thinking more drink. You know, I could order some room service or something.

Greenlee: Leo, you know, I'm kind of hungry.

David: No, no, actually -- yeah, that's a great idea. Why not? You know, we could, you know --

Leo: Hang out?

David: Would it kill us?

Leo: No.

Anna: Good, good. Good, good, then that's settled. We'll drink and eat and talk about the mother-in-law.

Palmer: All right, what did you do now, Vanessa?

Vanessa: I -- I have to write a check, Palmer.

Palmer: Well, call the newspapers. Vanessa, you write a dozen checks every day.

Vanessa: I know, darling, but this is a very large check.

Palmer: How large?

Vanessa: 50,000.

Palmer: Dollars?

Vanessa: Well, I don't think any of our accounts are in pesos, darling.

Palmer: What the hell did you buy now that's going to set me back 50 grand?

Vanessa: Well, I -- I didn't exactly buy any-- anything. It's a severance check.

Palmer: Severance for whom?

Vanessa: Larry.

Palmer: The chauffeur? Well, he's a perfectly good driver. Why did you fire him?

Vanessa: Well, there were some issues.

Palmer: So you fire him and you reward him with enough money so he can open his own limousine comp-- what -- what issues?

Vanessa: Darling, it wasn't just a simple dismissal. I didn't actually fire him. I suggested it was time for him to look for employment somewhere else and he told me that he couldn't possibly do that without enormous compensation.

Palmer: And you agreed to that?

Vanessa: I had no choice.

Palmer: Why, are you insane? I mean, what was going -- was he blackmailing you?

Vanessa: Oh, Palmer --

Palmer: What, what? Oh, no. Oh, no! Not with the chauffeur.

Vanessa: Well, darling, you don't understand. I am so susceptible.

Palmer: Oh, good God in heaven!

Vanessa: No, these types of men, I mean, it's like a drug. It's like an absolute compulsion. I never meant for this to happen. I didn't --

Palmer: Are you insane? With the help? With the help? With the -- with the staff?

Vanessa: I know, I know, Palmer. It's not that I need anyone in the world but you. You're everything to me, Palmer. If you would forgive me, darling, I swear I'll never -- I'll never do that again. It'll never -- it's the last time.

Palmer: You bet you won't! Now, you pack your things and you get out of here and never come near me again.

Vanessa: Palmer, Palmer -- darling, your cashmere scarf. I don't want you --

Palmer: You can take the cashmere scarf and hang yourself with it. Now, if you and your things aren't gone by the time I get back, I'll call security and have them haul you out!

Vanessa: When I want to, I can get you and your checkbook back -- like that.

Vanessa: Larry, dear, you will fold up neatly for me in a trunk, won't you?

Ryan: Wait a minute, wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait. You're telling me that you did this?

J.R.: Man, I am -- I'm so sorry.

Kendall: Oh, boy.

J.R.: I was -- I was driving Jeanie home and --

Ryan: Shut up. Who's Jeanie?

J.R.: She's this girl. And I was helping her out. I --

Kendall: Oh, she looks real helped out.

J.R.: Yeah.

Jeanie: J.R., I think I'm going to be sick.

Kendall: Let me guess -- Jell-O shots, hmm?

Jeanie: Oh, they're amazing, aren't they?

Kendall: J.R., right?

J.R.: Yeah.

Kendall: You'll let me take over from here?

J.R.: Yeah, thanks.

Kendall: Come on, cookie. I've got just what you need.

Jeanie: Cookie?

J.R.: Maybe I should've let her drive after all, huh?

Ryan: What?

J.R.: Look, I'm on probation, so I can't even look at alcohol right now. I was the only sober guy at this party and so I've been dropping drunk kids off left and right for the past half-hour.

Ryan: So wait a minute, you're telling me -- if you're not wasted, how the hell did you pull that? You were swerving out of control. You almost killed me!

J.R.: See, that's just it. We were driving and Jeanie was -- she was singing to the radio, and then all of a sudden she -- she yells, "I can drive," and she grabs the wheel, and that's when we swerved into you and your bike. That was a good-looking bike, dude.

Ryan: Do you have any idea what you've done to me?

J.R.: Man, look, I know you're -- you're pretty bummed right now, but at least you're not a cop or some old dude that would want to, like, teach me a lesson, you know?

Ryan: What is that supposed to mean?

J.R.: Well, I'm just saying I lucked out by hitting you and your bike.

Ryan: Wait, wait, wait -- you think you lucked out?

Jake: Do you know how bad this stuff is for you?

Mia: Are you going to rain on my birthday cake parade with some nutritional value lecture, martin?

Jake: No, no. Mmm. This is darn good cake.

Mia: I'm glad you like it. Although eating it seems to be like the biggest risk you're going to take.

Jake: All right. So you think that I err on the side of caution more than risk?

Mia: Well, don't you?

Jake: Probably.

Mia: Have you always?

Jake: Have I always? I don't know, maybe just -- I don't know. Who am I kidding?

Mia: Oh, wait, now. You're the one that told me that you chucked everything and you bought a boat with, like, plans to sail around the world or something like that.

Jake: No, I said that I bought the boat. I didn't say that I actually went anywhere on it.

Mia: Oh, well, you changed your idea.

Jake: Got cold feet.

Mia: Aw, I wouldn't look at it that way.

Jake: Well, what way would you look at it then?

Mia: You -- you're a dreamer.

Jake: I'm a dreamer?

Mia: And you have this -- this vision, but you didn't want to go it alone. So you sort of reworked your plan until you had someone to do.

Jake: Mia, the darn boat is still sitting in the dry dock right now as we speak.

Mia: But you went to med school. And you started a career. You got married.

Jake: Yeah, I did.

Mia: Whatever happened with that, by the way? I mean, if you don't mind me asking.

Jake: Well, it just wasn't meant to be. You know, she was supposed to be with Ryan, and eventually I got that.

Mia: Right. So what do you think it is that you're supposed to do?

Jake: With my life?

Mia: Yeah.

Jake: What am I supposed to do? You know what? Ahem. Taking one day at a time, looking at what's going on now. Lately there's been such a bureaucracy at this hospital, and I've been covering for these brilliant doctors, like David Hayward, who are shirking off their responsibility, so lately I've been feeling like what I'm supposed to do is just run away somewhere -- I don't know, Alaska or somewhere -- and moose hunt.

Mia: He really gets to you, huh?

Jake: You know what it is? It's this guy walks around this hospital and he feels like he can do whatever wants whenever he wants, and it really ticks me off.

Mia: Yeah, you know what? I know the feeling.

Jake: You do? Well, that makes me feel much better, so --

Mia: No, really, though. I mean, okay, take Liza, for example.

Jake: Yeah?

Mia: I come to town and I know I don't do everything right, and I know that, but she's my sister. We have the same father, for God's sakes, and she wants to -- I don't know, she just acts like she doesn't want to share or something, like whatever memory thing she has wired up in her head is going to be changed by my involvement -- which, by the way, is completely out of my control, you know?

Jake: Yeah, I think I know what you mean.

Mia: Yeah. Life really stinks.

Jake: Life can stink, but it can also be great.

Mia: All right. You just keep reminding me of that.

Jake: You know -- ahem -- I have a really big secret.

Mia: You were really a woman.

Jake: You're incredible. How did you know that?

Mia: Seriously, though, what? Come on! You didn't tell me that just to leave me hanging here by my sneakers. Come on, Jake, spill!

David: It looks like you're not too happy that I did this.

Leo: Did what?

David: Invited you and Greenlee here to talk about our mother.

Leo: I just don't see what I can do. I mean, you feel as though you can tell the whole world that our mother's losing her mind, obviously.

David: Leo, I didn't tell the whole world. I told you, your fiancée, and -- and, you know, the woman that I'm seeing.

Leo: Uh-huh. You and Anna seem like you're getting pretty tight.

David: Yeah, we're dating.

Leo: Or whatever.

David: Oh, so you want to be that way with me?

Leo: I just, you know, I just -- I'm sorry. You know what it is?

David: What?

Leo: It just seems like Anna’s really into you. And I think about what it's going to be for you 30 years from now when you're sitting on your front porch in your rocker and the only thing you've got next to you is a list of successful cardiac patients.

David: Well, this might surprise you, but I do think about that sometimes. Not a lot, but sometimes.

Anna: Listen, you got to hear this about Vanessa’s visit with Greenlee.

Greenlee: "Visit"? If that woman can make anything other than reservations, she'd mince me up and stuff me in one of these -- and then serve me to Leo.

Anna: Yuck.

[Knock on door]

Vanessa: David? David, please.

Greenlee: Do you think she heard me?

Vanessa: David, darling, I need you. Oh, thank God.

Greenlee: Spring roll, Mom?

Vanessa: I need to speak to my sons in private.

Greenlee: Dream on.

Vanessa: I would like to speak to them alone, please. Oh, what's the use? Everyone's going to know soon enough, anyway. Palmer's evicted me.

Greenlee: Stop.

Vanessa: No. No, he just left and he said if I didn't have my things together and out of there by the time he got back, he'd call security and have me thrown out. But what am I going to do?

Leo: Well, I'd start packing if I were you.

Vanessa: Oh, come on, darling. Look, I know you don't hold any great love for me at the moment, darling, but I am your mother and, my God, I'm in terrible trouble.

David: Well, it's a little late for us to help you now, don't you think, Vanessa?

Vanessa: Come on, David, I know I have been a fool. I know that! Isn't remorse worth anything anymore? I mean --

David: All right, so what happened? Did Palmer catch you and your boyfriend having a little good-bye scene?

Vanessa: No, no. I confessed. As a matter of fact, if you must know, I am trying to make my life right, for -- and it all backfired!

Leo: Well, did you think Palmer was going to be okay with you sleeping with the chauffeur? Come on.

Vanessa: No, you don't understand. He's the most important person in the world to me, next to you two, and -- what is this now? I -- I have nothing now? I have no one? Is that it? Jeez.

David: What do you want from us, Mother?

Greenlee: Leo, don't get sucked in.

Leo: What do you need?

Vanessa: I guess I need your help, Darling. I need your help one last time.

Jake: Here it is.

Mia: It's a sailboat.

Jake: Yeah.

Mia: Your sailboat, Jake?

Jake: No, no, it's not my sailboat. Wish it was.

Mia: What, so you're looking to buy a new one?

Jake: Yeah, yeah, this one here. My name would have to be Trump to have this boat here. But there is a place that sells used boats and I want to take one and fix it up. I'd like to make it look really excellent.

Mia: Well, but I thought you said that your boat was parked in dry -- you know, the old one.

Jake: I did. That's because I sold the old boat, Mia.

Mia: Oh.

Jake: No, no, I just -- when I decided to settle down, then I sold the boat to a guy, and all he does is look at it all day long in his boathouse.

Mia: So why did you sell it?

Jake: Because there's just no point in keeping an escape hatch.

Mia: Ah. So you're looking to -- to get another one. I mean, an escape hatch.

Jake: Well, it's my little secret fantasy. Because when I'm working at the hospital and I'm getting stressed out and all bogged down with filling out all of the forms, sometimes I just fantasize about buying an old boat, fixing it up on the weekends, and going out and sailing -- I don't know -- somewhere on it.

Mia: To Alaska? To hunt moose?

Jake: Are you mocking me?

Mia: Yeah.

Jake: Yes, you are mocking me. You are.

Mia: Yeah, I am, kind of.

Jake: Well, why?

Mia: Because I just -- you know, I know that syndrome so well.

Jake: Oh, yeah? What syndrome is that?

Mia: The "I'm going to give everything away and buy a boat and sail around the world for five years" syndrome. All you boys, you're the all same. You all go through it.

Jake: Oh, all we boys go through that, huh?

Mia: Yeah, you do, you do. I mean, you do. In different variations, of course. I mean, would you really quit your job? You want to just -- you'd quit your job and hang up your lab coat just so that you can go sailing with some babe who sips a margarita and smiles at you from the aft or port or starboard -- whatever.

Jake: Is that such an awful dream to have?

Mia: No! But it's just a dream, isn't it?

Kendall: No, Mrs. Campion, Jeanie is just fine. But after the party one of the girls got a little out of hand and went into my husband's liquor cabinet. Yes, you know how those sweet liquors can go straight to your head. No, no, no, no, I actually heard Jeanie and a nice young man with good teeth -- they helped the poor girl out and brought her home. Yes, you should be so proud of Jeanie. Okay, well, I just didn't want you to worry if she came home late. All right, you're very welcome. Good night. Finish that or you're going to hurl again. Good girl.

Jeanie: Thank you.

Kendall: You're welcome. No problem. It helped, didn't it?

Jeanie: Yeah. What was in it?

Kendall: You don't want to know. Can I call a cab for you?

Jeanie: Okay. Thanks. Oh -- well, you know, if J.R.'s still here, he can probably just drive me home because he didn't have anything to drink.

Kendall: Honey, if J.R. is still here, he's about to get killed.

J.R.: Man, look, I am -- I know you're ticked, but, I mean, I did the right thing by coming back here, didn't I? I was home free. You didn't see me or get my plates or anything.

Ryan: Where you going with this?

J.R.: I was driving a drunk girl home. I went to this cool party tonight and I actually -- I didn't drink because I knew that if I did and I got caught, my probation officer would be knocking on my door before dawn. And so that's when I came back here to make sure you were okay.

Ryan: So -- so we should just forget about the fact that you trashed my bike and nearly killed me.

J.R.: No. I'm just -- I'm asking you to keep me and Jeanie out of this.

Ryan: What?

J.R.: Look, I'll -- I'll pay you for the damages right now and you can still collect the insurance. Man, you make out either way. I mean, you can buy an Italian one with all this cash. I'm Adam Chandler's kid. I'm loaded. So what's the price that I have to pay to keep me and Jeanie out of this, huh? Just name --

Ryan: What, do you think it's going to be that easy? You have no idea what my price is going to be, Adam Chandler, Jr.

Ryan: You think I'm just going to let you get away with this?

J.R.: Ryan --

Ryan: I got a trashed bike. You trashed my bike, you nearly take me out at the knees, and you think that I don't want to show up at Daddy's door and ring his bell and tell him that his son is the punk that he's afraid that he is?

J.R.: I'm not a punk, okay?

Ryan: Wait a minute, I got a trashed bike. I got an underaged, boozed-up girl in the car. I got probation violations screaming all over this parking lot. You think you can just write me a check? This bike was my only source of amusement. You think I'm going to pass on the chance of getting a laugh letting Adam in on this?

J.R.: Ryan, I am begging you. You can't tell my father, okay?

Ryan: Hmm. Actually, I can. And I think I'm going to watch him squirm.

Kendall: Oh, that's adult. And highly reminiscent of -- hmm, who were you just tearing apart earlier, before the great motorcycle disaster? Well, let's see. Oh, that would be me! How different you were from the Adam Chandlers of the world, how different you were from me, the spoiled --

Ryan: You know what -- shut up, Kendall! Shut it! Do you ever shut up? God. I won't tell your father.

J.R.: Oh, man, thank you so much.

Ryan: But you are still going to pay for this.

J.R.: Like I said, name your price.

Ryan: No, not with a checking account that Daddy stocks, J.R., sorry.

J.R.: What are you talking about? This is the only money that I have.

Ryan: Well, then I guess you're just going have to get some new money. You see, I don't want Adam Chandler's allowance. I don't want anything from your father, you understand? I want real money that people earn the real way.

J.R.: Whoa. You mean, like, get a job or something?

Ryan: Yeah, I mean like get a job, you spoiled brat. I want you to pay me back with money you sweat for. You understand what I'm saying?

Jake: You're serious? You can't find him anywhere? No, no, no, no, I'll be there, I'll be there. All right, thanks. You know what? I got to go back to the hospital.

Mia: Well --

Jake: Ay.

Mia: Emergency or Hayward?

Jake: A lovely cocktail of both, actually.

Mia: Hmm. Well, you mind if I hang on to this?

Jake: What, since you're convinced that I don't mean it?

Mia: No, I actually think I've made you mad enough to consider it.

Jake: Hmm.

Mia: Go ahead, go. Go, be a doctor. I'll buy the cake.

Jake: I'm a lousy date. I sure know how to end it, don't I?

Mia: Well, we'll just do it again, right?

Jake: Definitely. Definitely. Question.

Mia: Yes?

Jake: Do you think that I really am, like, a dreamer? I mean, is that really what you think?

Mia: Don't know yet.

Jake: Okay. Oh, oh --

Jake: Keep thinking.

Greenlee: Did you see the look on Vanessa’s face when she came in here and found us with her boys?

Anna: Uh-huh, she went from desperate to hate. And I guess in 30 seconds. Thank you.

Greenlee: Here you go. Me, too. What does she want, hmm? She doesn't want Leo or David to be with anyone except for her?

Anna: Oh, I don't know.

Greenlee: Leo always caves for her. Not happily, not sappy, but he caves.

Anna: Well, unfortunately, they say that you can tell a lot about how somebody's going to be in a relationship by watching them with their parents.

Greenlee: Hmm.

Anna: Oh, God, help us.

Greenlee: Even if that parent is a nut job?

Anna: Especially if. Anyway -- you know, they didn't turn out so badly, in spite of her.

Greenlee: Hmm. I'm crazy about Leo. And I get the feeling that you and David, you know –

Vanessa: Please, darlings, this is all I could throw together on such short notice.

David: What, are we bellmen?

Leo: What -- this thing's the size of a freezer, Mother.

Vanessa: No, come on, the two of you together can handle it. Look, if I call a bellman, it's going to be all over town that Palmer’s evicted me by morning. And I can't handle that, not with everything else I'm forced to go through.

Leo: Okay, fine, let's just get it out of here.

David: No, no, no, wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you okay with this?

Leo: I'm fine.

David: I mean, you're still sore, aren't you?

Leo: I'm fine. Let's just get it out of here and get it into her car. On the count of three. Ready?

David and Leo: One, two --

Leo: What the hell do you have in here? This thing's like total dead weight!

Vanessa: My gowns and my shoes, and everything's going to have to be pressed --

Leo: You have more gowns than Diana.

David: More shoes than Imelda.

Leo: You didn't stuff a little P.C. in here for good measure, did you?

Vanessa: Leo, that's not funny.

David: Oh, wait a minute! No kidding! What the hell is in this thing?

[Phone rings]

Kendall: By the way, I sent Jeanie out the back way in a cab. She said she'll call you.

J.R.: Ryan, you're not serious about this, are you?

Ryan: Oh, does it sound like I'm joking? Does it feel like I'm joking?

J.R.: You want me to get a job to pay off your trashed bike?

Ryan: Or I blow the little drug run right out of the water.

J.R.: Hey, no, look, I am not doing drugs, okay? I didn't even have a beer tonight.

Kendall: You're going to have to pull a lot of doubles at the Burger Barn to pay off this thing.

J.R.: I'm -- I'm not going spend the rest of my life asking people if they want fries with that just so -- got it?

Ryan: No. No, you do things the way I say or you don't do anything, ever. You know what I'm saying, Adam Chandler Jr.?

J.R.: I had to hit the psycho's bike, didn't I?

Kendall: So was that for me or for the kid?

Ryan: No, that was for me.

Kendall: To teach the kid a lesson?

Ryan: To watch Adam Chandler's son squirm a little. Do you know that I paid for this bike by pawning a porcelain egg that I ripped off from Chandler's living room?

Kendall: You did not.

Ryan: Yeah, I did. I did. Does it get any better than that? Hell, it was almost worth me losing the bike over. Hmm.

Anna: So that breakup with Palmer -- you know, it's just come out of nowhere, right?

Greenlee: Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Don't you?

Anna: Yeah. She said she confessed to him.

Greenlee: I know. What is that all about?

Anna: But Vanessa has had relationships -- I mean, extramarital ones, apparently -- throughout their marriage?

Greenlee: Yeah. Right. And then she decides to come clean and forfeit her cash cow with Palmer? I don't buy it. Why do you think she did that?

Anna: I don't know. That's a good question. I don't know. I don't know what Vanessa is up to, really.

[Phone rings]

[Ringing stops]

David: I guess it rolled over to voice mail.

Vanessa: Oh, I guess I packed my cell phone in one of my bags.

Leo: With your bag of bricks?

Vanessa: Oh, my books are in there, too, all my precious books.

Leo: Books? What books?

David: You don't read!

Palmer: I told you to be gone by now.

David: Yeah, we're working on that, Dad.

Vanessa: Palmer, please reconsider, darling. Where will I go?

Palmer: I'm not an animal. I've arranged for you to have a room on another floor.

Vanessa: No. No. I -- I have my dignity. I'll find arrangements with my sons.

David: Don't be ridiculous.

Leo: No, no, no, just take the room.

Vanessa: No! No, all I have left is what is in this trunk and my pride. Now, let's go.

Leo: All right.

David: Come on. Let's drag it, okay?

Leo: Yeah.

David: Let's spare ourselves, come on.

Leo: Lift it up, lift it up. Got it? Pick it up.

David: Over the threshold.

Leo: Got it.

David: Gosh.

Vanessa: Oh, be careful, darlings! See, some of my most treasured memories are in that trunk.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Tad: There's got to be a way I can convince you that you and I belong together.

Liza: I care for you and I don't want to lose you.

Bianca: I can't remember what happened the night my girlfriend was murdered. With your help, I might be able to.

Chris: The jury's reached a verdict.

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