All My Children Transcript Tuesday 11/13/01
>> Previously on "All My Children" --
Anna: Do you trust me?
David: Maybe someday you'll trust me, too.
Leslie: All men should go to the altar like this -- tied up so they can't fight back.
Bianca: You're going to be standing up in front of God and swearing that you're going to stay with her. Those are words that you should not say unless you really, really mean them.
Brooke: You have to get into your wedding dress. Come on, come on, come on, come on!
Leslie: Lover. You're awfully quiet. Oh, that's right. You know, when you're in a chapel in the woods, no one can hear you scream. Do you like what I did with the decor?
Tad: What are we doing here?
Leslie: Well, some may call this a pump house, but I call it our love nest. And look, I mean, just like a lovebird, I've made it all nesty with branches and twigs and leaves.
Tad: Leslie, listen to me. Listen to me. This is a huge mistake.
Leslie: What, you want a Vegas wedding? I don't think so.
Tad: I don't want a wedding at all!
Leslie: This I know.
Tad: Why are you doing this?
Leslie: Well, I told you. I -- I know that you can never really be with me. I mean, what do I look like, some kind of a nut or something? But I just wanted to show you what you could've had.
Tad: With you?
Leslie: With me. And I'm going to make you pay for ruining my life!
Tad: What's that supposed to mean?
Leslie: Did you see what I -- I did while you were dozing off last night?
Leslie: Not bad for an ex-attorney, huh?
Greenlee: Daddy -- oh, my God, is it a heart attack?
Roger: I don't -- I don't know.
Greenlee: Okay, okay, wait, wait. Just sit there, breathe, let me handle this.
Greenlee: Listen, just calm down, Daddy. I'm going to call 911 and get some help.
Roger: No -- no! No -- no ambulance. No hospitals.
Leo: Mother, I'm already married to Laura, remember? This is a formal ceremony for friends and family to show their love and support. So if you don't fit into that category, go spend Palmerís money on shoes or something.
David: Vanessa, why don't you just give it a rest, all right, for one day.
Leo: Thank you very much.
Vanessa: What is this?
Anna: Room for me? Hi. You look very matrimonial.
David: Yeah, well, don't get used to it.
Vanessa: Excuse me, but this happens to be a family meeting, and what do you want with my son, with this --
David: See you at the ceremony?
Anna: Yeah. Don't ogle the maid of honor, okay?
David: Oh, come on. Why not?
Anna: All right. Good luck, Leo.
David: Okay, mother, come on, let's hear it.
Vanessa: Well, I would've hoped you'd aim slightly higher than some shellshocked ex-spy whose past is so sordid you couldn't begin to unravel it.
David: Aim higher for what?
David: I'm not in love with Anna Devane. I'm using her, you know, just like you taught us. Love 'em, leave 'em, don't leave any fingerprints. I mean, after all, you are the master, right? We're merely your pupils.
Leo: All right, stop it, please. Both of you, please just stop it.
Greenlee: Daddy, Daddy, come on, I really think you're having a heart attack! I'm going to get some help, okay?
Roger: No! Damn it, Greenlee, if they take me to a hospital, I'm going to die.
Greenlee: What are you talking about?
Roger: I want you to call a doctor, just one doctor.
Greenlee: Who? Who? Who?
Roger: David Hayward. Ugh!
Brooke: Oh, Honey, you look so beautiful.
Laura: Do you think Leo will like it?
Brooke: Do I think he will like it? Yes.
Laura: I can't believe this is finally happening.
Brooke: In 15 minutes. All right, I'm going to check with Dixie, make sure she got Jamie here okay.
Laura: Oh, and also will you see if --
Brooke: What? Yes. You don't have to worry about anything. Leo's here, and he loves you. Okay. I'll see you.
Laura: So, what do you think?
Susan: Oh, I think he'll show.
Laura: No, I meant about how I look, Susan.
Susan: Oh, you? You look fine.
Laura: Thank you.
Susan: You're welcome. Hey, listen, honey, I know that we took care of the whole money thing and everything, but I should've asked you for hazard pay for these crazy shoes you got me risking my life in over here.
Laura: Everything today is going to be perfect. Everything.
Susan: Of course. Of course it is. Absolutely. Especially if the gorilla contingent doesn't decide to show. Hey, hey, if looks could kill -- I mean, don't shoot me. I'm just the messenger. That Greenlee chick's got a mind of her own, okay?
Greenlee: All right, Daddy, I'm going to get you to David Hayward. You better explain this to me later.
Roger: Thank you, thank you.
Greenlee: But just so you know, if he's not at home, he's probably at the hospital.
Roger: No, he's -- he's at the wedding.
Greenlee: Leo and Lauraís wedding?
Roger: Oh, Greenlee, I can't! I can't!
Greenlee: Daddy, neither can I! Please let me call you an ambulance!
Roger: No. No, no, no. You -- I'll wait here. You go get Hayward. You got to go now or I'm going to die!
Greenlee: But, Daddy --
Roger: Greenlee, now! Now!
Laura: Don't even mention her name in the same building I'm in, Susan.
Susan: Whoa. Okay, back off, sister.
Laura: No. Listen to me -- she is not showing up at my wedding today.
Susan: I'm just saying she seemed awfully determined and you should be ready for her, that's all. Lay off of me. I'm just trying to help.
Laura: If Greenlee Smythe shows up today, I promise you I will make her regret it for the rest of her life.
Susan: What are you going to do, have her killed?
Leslie: You see, once I got my head clear -- and no comments from the peanut gallery -- once I got my head clear, I realized that I couldn't make my dream come true and actually marry you. But if you were going to fight me on it, well -- I mean, I may be whacked, but I do have my pride.
Tad: Leslie, I'm begging you. Please, stop --
Leslie: I am going to be --
Tad: Stop this.
Leslie: The hottest widow in Pennsylvania. I mean, just --
Tad: Oh, my God.
Leslie: Just picture me --
Tad: Oh, my --
Leslie: In widow's weeds, would you? I mean, something black and slinky and clingy and sheer with a tasteful veil and cloche hat to match. Oh -- perfection.
Tad: Leslie, listen to me. Hey, this makes no sense, does it? Because if you feel for me the way you say you do, if you would go to the trouble of marrying me, then -- then why would you want me dead?
Leslie: I'll be very, very sad. But I'll get over it. Oh! I almost forgot my own bouquet! Oh, and a -- a boutonniere for you, lover. I must go hunt and gather flowers. Maybe some dead ones to go along with the solemnity of the service.
Jesse: The beast is in effect, huh? Are we having fun yet, Tad?
Tad: Where the hell have you been? That squirrel wants me dead!
Jesse: Oh, you picked that up, did you?
Tad: Now you're going to say, "I told you so"? Forget it. Did you -- did you at least get your zap back?
Jesse: Tad, do you have any idea what it's like being invisible to everybody here on earth but you and still have to trudge around like a person?
Tad: What have you been doing?
Jesse: I've been trying to break through to Dixie.
Tad: Did you?
Jesse: Well, all I was able to manage was, like, dumping some red wine on her dress. Man, I am dying here, man.
Tad: Jesse --
Tad: If you don't do something very soon, I am going to die here. I'm going to be a very, very dead bigamist by morning.
Jesse: Tad, this is your fault.
Tad: No, no --
Jesse: You got me involved in this mess, then you had to go --
Tad: Fine, it's my fault.
Jesse: Hook up with that psychotic beast --
Tad: You're absolutely right. It's my fault.
Jesse: In a wedding dress!
Tad: That's not my point, okay? My point is you've got to do something. Don't give up! Please, try something. Try anything. Because if we're lucky, we may have a little time left, you know? Because even if she wants me dead, she's having a hell of a time torturing me up to the big finish. Now just -- just go back to Dixie. Go back to Dixie.
Jesse: Look, I told you, Dixie ain't feeling me.
Tad: Jesse, try. Try hard. Please.
Brooke: Okay, we're good to go in the bride's room.
Dixie: Oh, good.
Brooke: You look so handsome.
Brooke: You look beautiful and your hat is great.
Opal: Hi, there. Oh, thank you.
Brooke: Hi, Joe.
Joe: How's Laura doing?
Brooke: Oh, she's radiant. Thank you so much. You know, none of us would be here if it weren't for you and your wonderful staff at the hospital. Needless to mention, without Zora, I think we all would've fallen apart.
Zora: Well, it was the best job I ever had. And getting Leo to know Laura -- oh, that was unforgettable. No, but it was good watching Laura getting strong and see her love for Leo grow stronger, too.
Joe: Laura's a fighter. Dixie, do you have a minute?
Dixie: Oh, sure.
Joe: Would you excuse us, please?
Opal: Sure. All right.
Joe: We need to talk.
Dixie: Oh, I get that. Is everything okay?
Joe: I'm not sure, really.
Bianca: You okay?
Bianca: Here, come on, let me introduce you around.
Opal: Hey, there.
Opal: Well, Miss Mary Frances, don't you clean up good.
Bianca: Brooke English, Phoebe Wallingford, Myrtle Fargate, this is Frankie Stone, my friend.
Brooke: Bianca, I'm so glad you changed your mind and came to be here for Lauraís wedding.
Bianca: Well, Leo was my first friend when I moved here from Seattle. I'm here for him.
Brooke: Um -- all right, well, listen, we'll see everybody later.
Opal: All righty.
Bianca: Well, that was okay.
Frankie: You just totally dissed the mother of the bride.
Bianca: I did not. I don't care. Frankie, you make me feel like I can actually stand up for myself.
Frankie: You do that all on your own. You're a lot tougher than you look.
Bianca: Oh, look. There's another friendly face I want you to meet.
Frankie: Bianca, really, you don't have to do this. I can just, you know, hover over you, look around.
Bianca: Frankie, I want you to meet everybody that I know, okay? Come on. Edmund, hi.
Edmund: Hello, Bianca. You look gorgeous, as always.
Bianca: Thank you, you sweet talker. This is Frankie Stone, my friend.
Edmund: Hi, Frankie Stone.
Frankie: Nice to meet you.
Edmund: Nice to meet you.
Brooke: Edmund? Ahem -- hi.
Edmund: Hi. Well, there's an oxymoron.
Brooke: What is that?
Edmund: Well, most mothers don't risk outshining their daughters on their wedding day, but you -- [As Billy Crystal] You look marvelous.
Brooke: Oh, thank you, Sir.
Edmund: [Normal voice] Everything else okay?
Brooke: Yes. Yeah, everything is great. Did you find Anna?
Brooke: No? You don't seem to be terribly concerned.
Edmund: I'm not, really. Actually, I think it was her choice.
Brooke: Well, she's willful.
Edmund: She's playing with fire. Speaking of fire -- you give me a minute?
Brooke: No fighting at my daughter's wedding.
Edmund: I'll remember that. So nice of you to check in.
Anna: You look lovely, too.
Edmund: You wouldn't happen to be tracking Hayward again, would you? Don't do it. Seriously. You have to stay away from that man.
Leo: You know, I've heard that weddings bring out the worst in families, but in this dysfunctional group, it's exaggerated 100 fold.
David: You're absolutely right. I'm sorry, okay? Just let it go. All right?
Vanessa: Well, I'm not because, David, someone has to remind your brother this marriage is a sham heading straight for disaster.
David: Just shut up, Vanessa, please!
Vanessa: First off, the truth is, David, you are remarrying a woman you didn't want to marry in the first place, my dear, out of some bizarre, you know, martyr-like desire to prove yourself even a better man.
Leo: Oh, Mom, would you please just go?
Vanessa: No --
Leo: Don't even stay for the ceremony, please! I really can't stand the sight of you right now.
Vanessa: No, you can't stand the sight of yourself, my dear, and you know it!
David: You heard your son. Now get out, okay?
Vanessa: David --
David: Go ahead. Why don't you spread that love as far as it'll go, why don't you? Go ahead! You all right?
Leo: Yeah, I'm -- you know, I'm --
Minister: Hello. I'm the Reverend Baker. I'll be performing your marriage ceremony. Now, which one of you unhappy-looking men is the groom?
Leo: Uh, it's me. It's me. I'm sorry. Leo Du Pres. Nice to meet you.
Rev. Baker: Hello, Leo. Now, do you want me to marry you or not?
Brooke: Okay. The minister said that we should wait here until you get ready to walk down the aisle. Oh, honey. You don't have to be nervous, you know. Leo is here. You're going to be so happy. And I know that you're already married and I know people are wondering why, you know, you're getting married a second time. But we know why -- because it's a celebration of life, the one that you found and the one that was given back to you. And you're going to remember this day for the rest of your life. Okay. Here.
Jamie: Mom, come on. You promised Laura you wouldn't cry so much.
Brooke: Oh. Jamie, you're right. Honey, you keep me in line. All right?
Brooke: Okay. We'll see you inside. Okay. Okay, come on, you.
Susan: Hey, you're awfully quiet, oh best friend of mine.
Laura: I'm really nervous, Susan.
Susan: Oh, honey, please. You will be fine. Besides, with that mean streak of yours -- sorry.
Laura: Would you just wait for me by the door? I just need five minutes to focus.
Laura: It's okay. I did it. Leo will be with me forever.
Greenlee: Hey. Have you seen Dr. Hayward? Please, it's an emergency.
Leslie: Isn't it beautiful, lover? Oh, I am so happy.
Tad: Yeah, me, too. I am absolutely ecstatic here. Could we talk? Could we please try to come to some kind of agreement here?
Leslie: Here, pin this on your chest. Oops. You canít. I have you tied up. Here. There. Perfect. It's just us, you know. There are no visitors to our love shack, okay? None. Okay, you know, I was thinking of "Pachelbel's Canon" as a processional, but then I -- I thought that that would be too haughty. I think that the "Wedding March" would be just fine.
[Leslie hums "Bridal March"]
Leslie: Okay, Tad, follow my lead.
Tad: Leslie, please, stop this!
Leslie: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here in the presence of God --"
Tad: God, God -- good, good! Let's talk about God. Do you believe in God?
Leslie: Not now.
Tad: Do you?
Leslie: Listen --
Tad: Because if you do, you should seriously think about the implications --
Leslie: Just shut up! Okay, "We are gathered here in the presence of God and all these witnesses --" okay, so there are no witnesses -- "to bless the joining together of this man and woman in holy matrimony." Holy moly matrimony. And even though it will be a brief, tragic marriage, it will be one that will be recognized and remembered by all as -- as the best love story ever told and ended.
Tad: Not necessarily, okay? Because -- fine. What happens if I -- yes, I agree. I'll go along with the matrimony thing, the whole holy moly matrimony thing. But could we just lose the widow idea, please?
Leslie: Oh, Tad. Do you really love me? Oh. I knew it! You lying bastard. You're mine until certain sudden death do us part.
Dixie: So let me get this straight -- Leslieís sister, Pam, called you.
Joe: Because she couldn't reach Tad.
Dixie: And Tad had to go away on business last minute.
Joe: And Leslieís missing.
Dixie: Tad told me that Leslie is in a mental hospital, okay? He said that she's secure.
Joe: It's not true. Apparently, she's been staying with her sister, Pam, and then suddenly she attacked Pam, drugged her, and then took off.
Dixie: Tad has been acting really weird lately. Do you think he knew?
Joe: Well, he may have. He may have.
Dixie: Joe, what do we do?
Joe: I've called the police. Has Tad not called you at all?
Dixie: Well, just -- just to say that he had to go out of town. But I was so mad at him for acting so weird, I just didn't -- so I stopped calling him. And what if Leslie --
Joe: We won't jump to conclusions for that now.
Dixie: It's just picking up like his phone is turned off. Joe?
Jesse: Okay. All right. I'm going to try this one more time. Please, this time, would you let her hear this? All right, Dixie. Dixie, you have to come with me. Tad needs your help. Oh, for crying out loud. Come on, hook me up!
Dixie: Where is he?
Jesse: Who, Tad?
Joe: I don't know, but we'll find him. We'll find him.
Jesse: Oh, for crying out -- this is not fair! Come on! Will you people tune in or evolve or something? Dixie, I will take you to Tad!
Anna: Actually, you know, I wanted to thank you for asking because, yes, I have been tracking David and I found him.
Edmund: Why are you being so righteous?
Anna: Why are you being so nosy?
Edmund: Because I was in the ER when they let you in. You didn't look so hot. When you saw Hayward, you were scared stiff. You grabbed me, you said it wasn't an accident, and then you whispered "Proteus." Now, it doesn't take a genius to figure out what you think you know.
Anna: It doesn't?
Edmund: "Proteus" is the alias and if David Hayward knows he was involved --
David: If I what, Edmund?
Anna: Hi. You done with all the prenup?
David: Yeah, pretty much. Couldn't wait to see you.
["Pachelbel's Canon" plays]
David: I'll see you after the ceremony, right?
Bianca: Those two used to be together.
Frankie: Ah, looks like they could be again.
Rosa: Edmund needs somebody like Brooke. Ever since my sister passed away, he's been looking for someone to love. Maybe it's her.
["Bridal March" plays]
Laura: Not here, Greenlee. Not now!
Greenlee: Laura --
Laura: You get out of the way!
Greenlee: Laura, I swear -- Laura! I just need to get David Hayward back to my office. My father's having a heart attack!
Laura: I'm not listening!
Greenlee: Just go get married, Laura!
Laura: Okay. But first --
Leo: They're playing our song.
Laura: I heard. I -- I'm just taking it all in.
Leo: Are you sure you're okay? What happened? Laura --
Laura: Leo, you have to leave.
Laura: You have to go back to the dining room.
Leo: Laura, you're a mess. What happened to you? Why are you here? Why didn't you walk down the aisle?
Laura: Let's go.
Laura: It's bad luck, Leo. You can't see me before I come in.
Leo: Laura, we're already married. This is just a formal ceremony.
Laura: No. No, Leo, it means everything to me. Please?
Leo: Okay. Okay. Just please hurry.
Laura: And stay there, you little wench from hell!
Greenlee: Laura? Laura, open the door. Laura, open the damn door! Somebody! Hello? Somebody help!
David: She's coming, right?
Leo: Yeah, I think so.
Brooke: Well, you did see her?
Leo: Yeah, yeah, she's on her way.
Leo: She's on her way.
Brooke: So --
Laura: Tell Susan to do it again.
Laura: I got distracted and -- and I want to do it right, Mom. Make her walk down the aisle again, please.
Edmund: So one minute you're afraid to let Hayward touch you, and the next you're dating him? Have I got that right?
Anna: I adore you, Edmund, but this is none of your business.
Edmund: I'm making it my business.
Anna: No. Well, donít. Not anymore.
Dixie: It's his voice mail again. Joe, I'm getting scared.
Opal: Excuse me, missy, would you mind telling me where my son is and why you are flying solo here today?
Dixie: Opal, Leslieís on the loose.
["Pachelbel's Canon" plays]
Opal: Now, wait just a dang minute here. Are you telling me that she has got Tad again?
Dixie: No, I don't -- I don't know. I don't know.
Jesse: Hey, buddy. Okay, Opal, you got to work with me here. Now, you connected really nice with Gillian. You got to connect with me. Okay? Opal!
Opal: Oh, my goodness.
Opal: It's happening again.
Jesse: Opal, Opal, Tad is in trouble. He needs both you and Dixie now.
Opal: He needs us!
Dixie: I know he does, but --
Opal: Come on, now!
Dixie: Joe, I'll -- I'll call you.
Laura: What are you doing?
Opal: Um -- family emergency. Best wishes.
Dixie: Happy wedding.
["Bridal March" plays]
Greenlee: Help! Someone, I'm in a closet! Hello? My father is having a heart attack and I need to get to his doctor! Laura, this is serious! Let me out of here!
["Bridal March" plays]
Rev. Baker: Inasmuch as these two people have come together to be joined as man and wife, we stand witness before them as they profess their love. Leo and Laura have written their own vows for this occasion. You may begin.
Laura: Today I join my life to yours forever, not merely as your wife, but as your friend, your lover, and your confidant. Let me be the shoulder you lean on, the rock on which you rest, your companion through all the days of your life. With you I will walk my path from this day forward and pledge to grow old only with you for the rest of our years. Time may pass, fortunes may smile, trials may come. But no matter what we encounter together, I vow here to make this love my only love. And I will make my home in your heart forever and ever.
Leo: Love has -- has given us wings to -- and our journey begins today. Wherever the wind may take me, I will --
Laura: I will stay by your side?
Leo: I -- I will stand by your side as your husband.
Rev. Baker: And now a friend of the couple will read a passage from the Holy Bible. Bianca Montgomery?
Frankie: Can you handle this?
Bianca: Yeah. I'll be fine.
Bianca: I hope.
Rosa: Hey, you'll be fine. Just get up there and read it.
Bianca: A reading from "Corinthians." "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy. It does not boast. It is not proud. It is not rude. It is not self-seeking. It is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. When I was a child, I talked like a child. I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put an end to my childish ways. Now we see but a poor reflection in the mirror. Then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part. Then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain -- faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love."
Leslie: All righty, then. "If there is anyone who knows why this man and woman should not be wed --" or better yet, why this man and woman should not be wed and have the bride kick the stool out from underneath her new husband's feet -- "speak now or forever hold --"
Tad: This is insane!
Leslie: It's not time for your vows yet!
Leslie: Me first. Okay. Okay, repeat after me. "I, Leslie --" I, Leslie -- "take thee, Thaddeus --" take thee, Thaddeus -- you know I take you. You know I do, I do, I do, I do. Okay. It's your turn.
Leslie: Okay, good. Yes. He says yes, too. Now you may kiss the bride and die.
Rev. Baker: Please join hands and repeat after me. "I, Laura --"
Laura: I, Laura.
Rev. Baker: "Take thee, Leo --"
Laura: Take thee, Leo.
Rev. Baker: "To be my lawfully wedded husband."
Laura: To be my lawfully wedded husband.
Greenlee: I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the right thing. I'm doing the right thing.
Laura: With this ring, I thee wed.
Vanessa: Oh, this will never fly.
Rev. Baker: Leo, take the ring.
David: It's okay.
Greenlee: What is this?
Rev. Baker: "With this ring, I thee wed." Leo -- "with this ring, I thee wed."
Laura: Leo, take my hand and say it.
Laura: You're trying to make me crazy, right?
Leo: No. No. No.
Leo: No, Laura.
Leslie: You used to be a much better kisser, lover. But they say once you're married, the magic is just gone. Poof! So, I now pronounce us man and wife. Well, actually, husband and wife. I -- I hate that man-and-wife thing, you know? I mean, it's so sexist anyway.
Tad: [Muffled] Leslie, don't!
Leslie: Uh -- Leslie, what?
Tad: Don't! Don't do this, please!
Leslie: I'm sorry, Tad. I -- I can't hear you when you mumble. Don't you see, Tad? I mean, this could have been so much easier, you know? We could have done this the old-fashioned way -- you know, where you say "I do" and you mean it, and then I don't have to kill you before the honeymoon. But you -- you did this to me. You -- you ruined me for other men. You ruined me for myself. You -- you took away everything I am. And now I'm going to take you away from everything that you don't love, like me. And everything you do, like Dixie. She'll survive.
Leslie: That is, if I let her. And so will I. I'll miss you, lover. Ciao.
Tad: [Muffled] Mo! No! No!
Dixie: Tad! Tad!
>> On the next "All My Children" --
Bianca: You seem like you're ashamed to be with me.
Brooke: Laura, honey, let me get you out of your dress.
Laura: No. I'm not getting out of this dress. Not now, not ever.
Greenlee: Somebody help me!