AMC Transcript Monday 11/6/01


All My Children Transcript Tuesday 11/6/01

By Suzanne
Proofread by Kathy

>> Previously on "All My Children" --

Greenlee: "I need to see you. Come to S.O.S. Leo."

Anna: Tell Lavery what he has every right to know, or I will.

Tad: Leslie's right back in the institutional fruit bowl where she belongs.

Dixie: Who are you? No.

Erica: You're very good, but I promise you one thing -- I'm much better.

Jesse: She's here. The crazy broad is here.

[Leslie roams around Tad & Dixie's front room while Jesse walks]

Tad: Honey, come on. We're going to miss the rehearsal.

Dixie: I'm sorry, I just didn't want to say anything in front of Jamie. I guess I'm still creeped out by that bride woman showing up at our front door.

Tad: Honey, I -- whoever that was was not Leslie Coulson. It couldn't be.

Dixie: How can you be so sure?

Tad: I told you, I talked to Pam. Leslie's in a lock down for the reality-challenged. All right? That's one psychotic who's not going to bother anybody for a long, long time.

Dixie: Ok.

Jesse: Got to stop her, Jesse. Stop her. Throw up a roadblock. Come on, you move, move. Oh, man, where's the juice? Show me the juice. All right, concentrate. Something smaller, something smaller. Oh -- come on, come on. Clock the freak.

[Jesse makes a vase slide across the table and fall off]

[Leslie gasps]

Leslie: Ok, Leslie. Get a grip.

Jesse: Damn. That was pathetic. Stop, stop. Stop. Stop!

Erica: Opal, thank you. Thank you so much for meeting me.

Opal: Yeah, well, on the phone it didn't sound like I had much choice.

Erica: Well, I've also asked Bianca to join us, and I've asked her to bring her friend Frankie along.

Opal: Oh, waiter? Check, please?

Erica: Opal --

Opal: Honey, you are up to something, and I'm not going to stick around to find out what it is.

Erica: I am not up to anything.

Opal: You're not up to anything? Honey, you know who you're talking to here? You have been ranting nonstop how Frankie is always angling to get her mitts on Bianca -- on her trust funds.

Erica: Well, I've changed my mind about Frankie.

Opal: Uh-oh. Now what?

Erica: Now nothing. I'm backing off. Look, I will not lose Bianca, and I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to make sure that that doesn't happen.

Opal: Well, this 180 is giving me whiplash.

Erica: I'm merely following your advice.

Opal: Bird poop. You got some slippery trick up your sleeve and don't you try to deny it. I know you too well. It's -- really.

Bianca: We're here. What's so important?

[Phone rings]


Ryan: All yours.

[Ryan tosses Leo the keys to his motorcycle]

Leo: Yeah, I think that's probably a good idea. I think I'll hold on to these until you sober up.

Ryan: What? No. Listen. Take them. I mean, like, take them. Take my bike. Go. Get out of town.

Leo: What?

Ryan: Leave the wife you don't love, leave this dead-end town and go, man, go! Get out! Another round?

Chris: You got it.

[Ryan sighs]

Ryan: Yes! That's what I'm talking about.

Laura: I can't believe this. I'm at my own wedding rehearsal, and Leo isn't here. Susan was supposed to look after him. Some friend.

Brooke: Honey, they're probably coming together.

Dixie: There's no sign of the groom?

Laura: Do you see Leo here anywhere, Dixie? Do you?

Brooke: Laura --

Laura: Sorry.

Brooke: Leo's not answering.

Edmund: All right, listen, I'll call, you take care of Laura.

Brooke: Ok.

Edmund: Excuse me.

Brooke: Listen, I don't want you to worry, ok? Leo wants this wedding. He's throwing this wonderful party at S.O.S., And he loves you.

Laura: But, Mom, he's --

Brooke: No "buts," and no doubts. This is going to be an evening that you will not forget.

[Greenlee imagines Jake talking to her]

Jake: Greenlee, you listen to me. You put that costume on, you crash Leo's party, nothing's going to be the same.

Greenlee: I can do this, Jake. Trust me.

Jake: You know, I'm sorry. If this is what you need to do, this is who you really are, I don't want any part of it or you.

Greenlee: Jake --

Jake: I mean it. You go through with this, I'm out of your life.

Greenlee: Jake, Leo. To go or not to go.

[Back at SOS}

[Phone rings]

Ryan: What are you waiting for? Leo, trust me. This is your last chance, man. Just go! Get out! Live!


Edmund: Leo? You there?

Leo: Yeah.

Edmund: You're late for your wedding rehearsal. Laura's a little worried about you. When can we expect you?

Leo: You can't. Could you tell Laura that I'm not coming?

Edmund: What do you mean you're not coming?

Leo: I'm helping a friend in trouble. We're going to have to bag the rehearsal.

Edmund: Well, we're all here waiting.

Leo: Laura and I don't need a trial run, all right? We'll save our stuff for the real deal tomorrow. It'll be organic.

Edmund: What do you want tell everyone?

Leo: Just tell them to put on their costumes and come down to the S.O.S. Tell Laura that I'll catch up with her later.

Ryan: So you're sticking around?

Leo: Come on, man, it's my party.

Ryan: Why did you take my keys if you're not leaving town?

Leo: That's simple. Because you're in no shape to drive.

Laura: Leo's blowing me off for a friend? Who? Who ranks higher than me on our wedding?

Edmund: He's just -- he's not blowing you off. He's just being -- Leo, you know? Loyal friend, standup guy. Guy who shows up.

Laura: Except when I need him.

Edmund: I know listen, he's trusting you with this sudden change, and his faith in you, that's the glue that's going to hold you guys together.

Laura: But -- ok, but tonight of all nights?

Edmund: I know. It couldn't be helped. Laura, you know, Leo reminds me of this guy that I used to know a while ago. He didn't play by the rules and your mother cut him a break. Maybe you can do the same for your husband.

Laura: This is important.

Edmund: So is helping out a friend. I mean, you know, life happens. You just got to deal with it. Ok?

Laura: Where is Leo?

Susan: Get a grip, Lala. He's still at S.O.S.

Laura: You left him there?

Susan: Well, he wasn't ready to go.

Laura: You don't get it, do you?

Susan: No, see, actually, I get plenty. You're scared spitless that Greenlee chick's going to snatch your man.

Laura: That is not going to happen.

Susan: Well, just so we're clear, ok, if this wedding tanks, I still get paid for playing maid of honor.

Laura: Yeah. Yeah.

Susan: Well, you know what? Your old best friend, Susie, would like to get paid now, upfront, cash.

Laura: No. You'll get your money after the wedding.

Laura: Edmund. I'm so sorry I acted like such a spoiled brat.

Brooke: Oh, Honey, we understand.

Laura: No, Mom, you don't need to make excuses for me. Edmund told me what I already know -- Leo is the most special man on the whole planet. No, we don't need a rehearsal. We've got the real thing -- a real marriage and a real life, and no one is going to take that away. No one.

Leo: Hey. What, are you working here now?

Ryan: Shh.

Leo: Give me that. This doesn't help.

Ryan: You're right. You're right. You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. Ahem. You know what our problem is?

Leo: What's that?

Ryan: Our problem is that we're messed up because our dads messed up.

Leo: Well, that might be true, but I never knew my dad.

Ryan: That's what I'm saying. Your dad was like the invisible man and mine was just some sick, twisted son of a -- they messed up, man. They didn't give us a chance. They brought us into this world kicking and screaming and then they just didn't give a damn.

Ryan: You bring a kid into this world, and it's like a promise. You got to keep that promise no matter what. You got to be there for them. And our dads just didn't give a damn about breaking it.

Leo: Yeah, well, if that's true, then you'll understand why I can't break my promise to Laura.

Ryan: Even though you want to. You are a good man, du Pres.

Leo: Easy, easy. I'm saving myself for my wedding.

Ryan: Really?

Leo: Yeah.

Ryan: All right. Well, then let's just drink to your wedding.

Ryan: Mia! Hey.

Mia: Hey.

Ryan: What are you drinking? I've got -- we've got vodka or whiskey. What do you want?

Mia: Nothing for me, I'm driving. Oh, hi. You must be Leo.

Leo: Yes. Mia. Do me a favor -- make sure my friend gets home safe? I've got a party to get to.

Erica: Bianca and Frankie, I apologize. I crossed over the line. I have no right to try to dictate your personal lives.

Bianca: Can I see some photo ID?

Erica: Look, if I'm behaving differently, it's because my good friend Opal here, she really got me to see reason.

Opal: You sure you're not that Erica impersonator from S.O.S.?

Erica: Frankie, if you want to stay in Pine Valley, I mean, that is your choice. And if you want to continue working at the Glamorama and being Opal's houseguest, well, you're welcome to do so.

Bianca: You know, Mom, she doesn't need your permission.

Erica: No, I know that. I'm just trying to set the record straight here. Frankie, I was wrong about your -- your intentions. And I think that my opinion was formed because of our unfortunate first encounter.

Bianca: You accused her of break dancing on the hood of your car.

Erica: Could we forget all that? Just start all over. Please. I know what you're both thinking.

Bianca: Yeah, that this is totally bogus. You don't want to start over.

Erica: Bianca --

Frankie: Hey. Give your mom a chance. She's trying to do the right thing.

Bianca: Frankie, it's an act. She's totally faking it.

Frankie: Well, then maybe I can fake it, too. We can all just pretend to get along.

Bianca: You're anything but serious.

Frankie: Oh, I'm totally serious. I am sick of fighting.

Tad: Well, that's it, Jamie. Looks like your ushering is going to have to wait till tomorrow.

Dixie: Why?

Tad: On account of the groom's no-show. Now Leo wants everybody to go over to S.O.S. in costume.

Dixie: Oh. Thank goodness the costumes are in the car. I guess we should drop you off at Patrick's, huh? Don't stay up too late, ok?

Jamie: Could I stop by the party with you guys?

Tad: Well, you had your party at the house. Besides, I thought you and your friends were going to work on that social studies project.

Jamie: We're going to.

Tad: Yeah. And I want Dixie all to myself for a while.

[Tad kisses Dixie]

Jamie: Can you guys do that after you drop me off?

Tad: Oh, yeah.

Dixie: Oh, yeah.

Tad: Definitely. Come on.

Dixie: Let's hit the high road.

[Back at Tad and Dixie's house]

Jesse: Man. I'm so wasted. Guess --

[Jesse sees Leslie wandering around]

Jesse: What the hell are you doing with Tad's tuxedo, you crazy -- [Jesse starts tugging on the tuxedo that Leslie is holding]

Leslie: Oh, maybe I should go back on those meds.

Jesse: Ow. Just walk right over me. Over you -- crazy mental gem. All right, this ain't over. No, this is not over. Jesse, you're not going out like this, baby. Girl, get back here! Get back.

Bianca: Why are you siding with my mom, Frankie?

Frankie: Because -- Bianca, you've had a lot of stress in your life, and we're all -- you need a time-out.

Bianca: Why are you sounding like my mom?

Frankie: Could it be maybe because we both care about you? The one thing we do agree on -- we don't want you to get hurt.

Bianca: So we all just pretend to get along? How phony is that?

Frankie: Hey. If your mom can pretend to stand me for your sake, well, then I'm all up for it. Ms. Kane, I accept your apology.

Erica: Thank you, Frankie.

Opal: Well, anyone for a chorus of "Kumbaya"?

Erica: Excuse me. I'm going to the ladies' room. I'm going to go powder my nose.

Erica: Hello, Mateo.

Mateo: Hi.

Erica: Hi. How is Hayley? How's the baby?

Mateo: That girl sitting next to Bianca -- she with you?

Erica: Why? Do you know her?

Mateo: Yeah. She came to my club asking for drugs or if she could score some drugs.

Erica: Are you sure? Mateo, are you sure it's the same person?

Mateo: Yeah, I'm positive. I kicked her out. I know that's her.

Erica: Mateo, please don't tell anybody about this, ok? Especially not Bianca.

Mateo: What do you mean? I mean, you want your daughter hanging out with somebody that does drugs?

Erica: No. I'm going to take care of my daughter. But please, please don't tell anyone about this.

Mateo: All right. That's fine. Just watch your back.

Chris: S.O.S.

Erica: Chris. Oh, Chris, you've got to meet me at the Valley Inn right away, right now.

Chris: Uh -- look, Ms. Kane, I kind of got my hands full right now.

Erica: Chris, whatever it is, just drop everything and get over here. I just found out something that could save my daughter's life.

Simone: Oh, gosh.

Chris: Look, I got to go out for a little while.

Simone: Oh, no, no, no, no. We are in a huge private party. We really need you tonight.

Chris: No, no, no, I'm sorry. You're going to have to muddle through by yourself.

Simone: Oh --

[Edmund kisses Brooke outside of SOS.]

Brooke: Yes, yes.

Brooke: Stop it.

Edmund: All right. You ready to party?

Brooke: In a minute. I just have to tell you that you were really great with Laura tonight. You know?

Edmund: [Country accent] Well, thank you. I just call them the way I saw them, you know?

Brooke: Mm-hmm.

Edmund: [Normal voice] No, really, you did cut me a break when I deserted. Brooke: I think you sugarcoated that guy that you were back then just a little bit.

Edmund: I did, huh?

Brooke: Mm-hmm. You were a wild man.

Edmund: Too much for you to handle?

Brooke: It was the best time of my life.

Edmund: Whoa.


Brooke: Oh.

Edmund: I think we better take this inside.

Brooke: I'll save your place.

Edmund: Ok.

Brooke: So, what is that?

Edmund: Ay-ay-ay.

Leo: Mike! Sully, you made it! Yes! Thank you for coming. All right, buddy. Brooke.

Brooke: Leo.

Leo: Hey. Sorry about the change of plans. Is Laura cool with this?

Brooke: Yeah. Laura's fine.

Leo: Good. I was -- I was hoping she'd understand.

Tad: So, well, are you happy you came?

Dixie: Yes. You know, I think I scared myself with that haunted house.

Tad: I thought you loved the haunted house.

Dixie: I did, I did. I just hated when that bride of Frankenstein showed up.

Tad: Oh, Sweetie, come on, relax, have fun. Whoever that was is long gone by now.

Jesse: All right, boy, you got to find Tad, warn him about Leslie while you still got some juice left. I mean, what is this, huh? Some kind of payback for something I did in a former life? This ain't funny!

[Jesse tries to disappear but is too weak]

Laura: Leo. Your costume. I thought you were kidding.

Leo: It's a joke. Lighten up.

Susan: Lighten way up or folks will think the bride has got bats in her belfry.

Laura: Ok. All right, you asked for it. A lifetime sentence without parole. You like my costume?

Leo: Well, I think it's adorable, but where's little Bo Peep without her sheep?

Laura: Bo Peep? I'm little Miss Muffet.

[Laura waves a fake spider]

Leo: Ah.

Susan: Special effects, even.

Leo: Very convincing. Well, should we go meet the guests?

Laura: Oh, you -- you start. I'll catch up.

Leo: Ok.

Laura: You see that little witch Greenlee anywhere, you flash me.

Susan: Are you sure she'll show?

Laura: Oh, yeah. Any minute she's going to step into my trap, and I will be damned if I let that girl near my husband again.

[Greenlee looks at the gorilla head that goes with her costume]

Greenlee: This better be good, Leo.

Erica: Where's Opal?

Bianca: She went home.

Erica: She went home? Already?

Bianca: Mom, relax. She just didn't want to run into Palmer.

Erica: Oh. Oh. All right, then, what should we do now? Would you like to go shopping?

Bianca: Shopping? The mall's closed, Mom.

Erica: Yeah, I know, I know. No, I mean, there's an adorable little boutique right here, right here, right in the lobby. My treat.

Bianca: I think we're going to pass, Mom. Thanks.

Erica: All right. Well, then, Frankie, why don't you just -- why don't you tell me about yourself? Tell me something about yourself.

Frankie: Like what?

Erica: Oh, like hobbies, like special interests, you know? Oh. Excuse me.

Erica: Well, so much for coming to my rescue.

Chris: Huh. No "hi, thanks for rushing over"? All right, Queen Bee, I'm here. What do you need? What do you want?

Erica: Results. You said that you were going to help me get rid of this Frankie monster.

Chris: I made the Vanessa connection.

Erica: That is old news.

Chris, Frankie tried to score drugs at S.O.S.

Chris: Well, what am I supposed to do with that news flash?

Erica: I just gave you a tip. I want you to use it to put that little witch away.

Bianca: Ok. I think our work here is done.

Frankie: Oh, finally. I think I liked your mom better when she hated me.

Bianca: Well, you accepted her terms -- peace at any price.

Frankie: Well, that's what you wanted, too, right?

Bianca: Yeah, yeah. I just never thought she'd come around. Hey, are you down for, like, a costume party?

Frankie: Where did that come from?

Bianca: Your cousin Leo is having a big bash to celebrate his impending marriage.

Frankie: Oh, to that Laura chick, right? Didn't she want you to be her, like, maid of honor or something?

Bianca: Mm-hmm.

Frankie: Isn't that going to be a sticky situation because --

Bianca: Well, I'm not behind the marriage, but I love Leo and I want to support him.

Frankie: I don't have a costume.

Bianca: That's ok. Neither do I. We'll improvise. Freaks and geeks -- you can be the geek, I'll be the freak.

Frankie: Oh, yay.

Bianca: Ok, Frankie, ok. You can be the freak. Jeez. Come on, it's going to be fun. We're going to have a blast.

Erica: Ok. Look, there's no mistake. Mateo ID'd that girl as the one who tried to buy drugs at S.O.S.

Chris: And so what do you want me to do?

Erica: I want you to tell me how long it will take you to mobilize your forces to get her arrested.

Chris: Mobilize the -- you know what? I can't. I got to get back to work.

Erica: This is your job, Chris. I just told you something important. Now use that information.

Chris: What, you want me to bring the FEDS down on some teenager because she was trying to score some party favors?

Erica: "Party favors"?

Chris: It's penny ante stuff. Would you let it go please?

Erica: I don't believe you. Haven't you made it your mission to -- to save Pine Valley from any drug trafficking?

Chris: Yeah, drug traffickers. She's a casual user at best. Now, come on.

Erica: Look, I don't care. I don't care. I want her out of our lives. You said you would help me get rid of her.

Chris: You know -- your daughter, Bianca, is going to blow a gasket when she finds out that you had her pal busted. Trust me on --

Erica: She's not going to find out.

Chris: Oh. If I -- if I do as I'm told. Now, suddenly you're the one calling the shots around here, and you're telling me how to do my job?

Erica: Look, this is my daughter's life we're talking about, and she's in recovery. I will be damned if I'm going to let her get -- get all caught up with some drug-using con artist. Now, I will do whatever it takes to get rid of Frankie, and heaven help anyone who stands in my way.

Frankie: Uh, you know what? I don't really want to do this party anymore.

Bianca: Why not?

Frankie: I just don't want to go in there, all right?

Bianca: Frankie, why are you acting so afraid?

Frankie: I'm not afraid. I just don't do crowds real well.

Bianca: That's not why you want to stay out here. You're afraid that if we go in there together, everybody's going to think that we're, like, a couple.

Frankie: No, you're way wrong. I don't care what people think.

Bianca: So what's the problem?

Frankie: Well, they're your friends, not mine. I'm just going to get in the way.

[Vanessa and Palmer dressed as Cleopatra and Caesar]

Palmer: Well, good evening, Bianca.

Bianca: Hey.

Palmer: Oh, Vanessa, I take it this is your niece.

Vanessa: Yes.

Palmer: Introduce us?

Bianca: This is Mary Frances Stone. Frankie, this is Palmer Cortlandt.

Frankie: Hey.

Palmer: Hail.

Vanessa: Well, we should get in there. The party's starting.

Palmer: Ladies?

Bianca: Oh, um -- don't wait for us.

Vanessa: All right. Come on, Darling.

Bianca: Maybe this party wasn't such a hot idea after all.

Erica: I'm serious. You either get rid of this Frankie person or I swear I will blow your undercover operation wide open.

Chris: Here. Make the call. Go ahead. Now, are you through stomping your size sixes? You know, your daughter is a smart young lady. She's going to connect all those dots and put you right in the picture.

Erica: Not if I'm out of town, which I will be on business.

Chris: You can't find the time for us, but you can make the time to go out of town on business leaving me here to do your dirty work?

Erica: When I return, I expect this problem to be solved. Is that clear, Agent Stamp?

Chris: Crystal, Ms. Kane.

[Bianca's cell phone rings]

Bianca: Hello?

Erica: Bianca?

Bianca: Mom. Didn't I leave you, like, five minutes ago?

Erica: I know, Honey, I'm not checking up on you. I'm just calling to let you know that I have to go out of town. I have a business crisis that I have to handle. And Coral will take care of everything at home, and I know that I can trust you to behave yourself while I'm gone.

Bianca: Ok, Mom, no problem. Have a safe trip. Oh, and thank you for being so cool -- you know, about Frankie.

Erica: You're welcome, Honey. And so I'll call you when I get to the hotel, ok? And I love you.

Bianca: You, too.

Erica: Ok, Honey, bye.

Bianca: Yes! Yes! Oh, my gosh, yes!

Frankie: What?

Bianca: My mom is going out of town. Yes! This means that we're, like, totally free.

Frankie: Well, then let's ditch this party.

Bianca: Ok. I'm convinced. What next?

Man: So, Mr. Santos, how did you get my name? Mateo: An associate of mine

who's in the carting business in Brooklyn. So are you interested in expanding your operation a little further south?

Man: Well, your club is a small concern. So I don't know how you could make it worth my while.

Mateo: No, ok. I think -- you're right, it's small. But I think we both know that the growth potential is there. I guess what I'm saying is that if you partner with me, you won't be sorry.

[Meanwhile, back at the costume party]

Greenlee: Get your furry paws off of my --

Tad: What are you doing here? You know, for a dead guy, you don't look too hot. Jesse, what is it?

Jesse: Leslie.

Tad: What about her?

Jesse: She --

Brooke: Um, excuse me. Could we -- could we have the music down just a little bit? Come here, you. Stop eating.

Leo: Sorry.

Brooke: I would like to propose a toast to the bride and the groom.

Leo: That's me.

Brooke: Yes.


Leo: Thank you.

Brooke: Leo and Laura started their journey together a couple of months ago under very difficult circumstances, but I'm very happy to say that in spite of all the difficulties, they're going to continue their journey together when they walk down the aisle tomorrow.

All: Aw.

Brooke: And we wish them --

Palmer: I've had just about enough of this nonsense.

Brooke: And a marriage full of love and happiness. Hear, hear.

Leo: I'm going to drink to that.

Vanessa: Isn't it wonderful my Leo is married into such a sweet family -- for the time being?

[Greenlee laughs]

Laura: She's here.

Laura: Greenlee is here.

Susan: Are you sure?

Laura: Oh, please. I'd recognize that cackle anywhere.

Susan: Well, Honey, she's going to be a little hard to pick out of this crowd.

Laura: Circulate the room, and when you find her, come and tell me.

Susan: Ok. Then what?

Laura: Then our little party crasher gets the surprise of her life.

Jesse: Come with me, Tad.

Tad: What, now?

Jesse: Look, I don't have the time or the energy to explain. Just follow me, ok?

Tad: Yeah, yeah, ok. Just let me get Dixie.

Jesse: No, no, no. No. No Dixie.

Tad: Oh, she's going to love this.

Dixie: Oh, finally. I thought you forgot about me.

Tad: No, baby. No, not at all. I couldn't forget about you. There was a -- a crowd around the bar. Listen, I'm sorry, I got to step out for a few minutes.

Dixie: Again?

Tad: Yeah.

Dixie: More business?

Tad: I won't be long, ok? I promise. As a matter of fact, I'll tell you what -- I'll be back for the last dance, ok?

Dixie: You'd better.

Mateo: Hey.

Simone: Oh. I am so glad to see you. Edmund and I have been worried sick about you. What have you been doing?

Mateo: Taking care of business.

Simone: But where?

Mateo: You don't need to know.

Simone: Mateo --

Mateo: Listen, I'm going to the back. Don't bother me, all right?

[Ryan and Mia are back at The Pine Cone]

Mia: So you did some pretty hard drinking tonight. You want to tell me about it? Ryan: I don't really want to talk about it.

Mia: We don't have to talk.

Mia: Well, I guess that's my cue to get lost, huh?

Ryan: Yeah. Yeah, I'd get out while you still can.

[Knock on door]

Ryan: What? What?

Leo: You guys leaving already?

Palmer: This thing gives me a headache.

Leo: All right, well, I'll see you at the wedding tomorrow.

Palmer: Don't count on it.

Vanessa: Leo, Darling, please come talk to him. Come on.

Greenlee: Ow! Why don't you watch where you're going?

Susan: So sorry.

Susan: Well?

Laura: It was her. Susan: Well, what's your next move?

Laura: You know the nursery rhyme -- "Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey, when along came a spider --"

[Laura drops her fake spider down the back of Greenlee's gorilla costume]

[Greenlee screams]

Greenlee: Something's down my back! Get it out! Get it out! Ow! Ow! Ow! Get it out!

Chris: Just checking. Wanted to make sure you got home ok.

Ryan: Wow. That's some pretty incredible service. I mean, the bartender actually follows the clients home, maybe brings him some aspirin, tucks him into bed. I'm very impressed.

Mia: Well, I think he sounds pretty nice.

Ryan: Really? Well, nobody asked you. Who the hell are you, Stamp? I mean, really? Why would you come to this dump in the middle of the night? I mean, what the hell do you want from me?

Chris: You've been asking some questions about your father. I've got answers.

[Greenlee screams]

Greenlee: Something's down my back! Get off me!

Laura: This is so worth waiting for.

Greenlee: Get it off! Get it off! Oh!

Leo: Hey, what's going on?

Laura: Leo. Thank God. It's her.

Leo: Who?

Laura: It's her. I recognized her voice. She's stalking me.

Brooke: Honey? What's wrong?

Laura: It's her.

Brooke: What?

Laura: I swear! She's going to do something, Leo. You got to make her stop.

[Leo walks over to Greenlee and takes off the gorilla head of her costume]

Tad: What is wrong with you?

Jesse: Oh. Damn.

Tad: All right, fine. We're back. The place looks exactly the same as it did when we left. What the hell was with the 911?

Jesse: Tad, Tad -- Leslie.

[Tad sees Leslie right before she hits him in the head with a shovel]

Tad: Leslie? Leslie? Ohhhhh!

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Greenlee: She set me up, Leo. I swear it on my life.

Mia: Why don't you tell him how he can find his father?

Chris: He can't find his father!

Jesse: Dixie, it's me, Jesse. Dixie?

Tad: You are crazy.

Leslie: I know. Isn't it great?