AMC Transcript Monday 10/15/01

 

All My Children Transcript Monday 10/15/01

By Suzanne
Proofread by Kathy

>> Previously on "All My Children" --

Tad: I promise you I am not a nut ball.

Jesse: Lock him up. It's the only way to keep him from whacking that David Hayward.

Marian: You're pregnant?

Liza: Don't mention a word to Adam or Ryan. I don't want you saying anything to anyone.

Mia: Oh. What time is it?

Ryan: It's early. Did you sleep okay?

Mia: I must have. Did you?

Ryan: Yeah. Yeah. Wait, wait, where are you going?

Mia: Well, you know, some of us -- we have to work for a living.

Ryan: Okay. I can get you coffee or something. There's a vending machine I can --

Mia: No, that's okay. No, I can get it on my way out. That's okay.

Ryan: Okay. All right.

Mia: I mean, thanks, but, you know, I didn't really mean to sleep here last night.

Ryan: Yeah. But I'm glad you did.

Mia: Yeah. Me, too. Maybe we can do it again sometime -- or not. Whatever. I'm -- God, I'm so bad at this part.

Ryan: Look -- ahem -- Mia, everything is cool, but everything --

Mia: Well, no, really, it's not, but thanks anyway. You've been great, especially last night at the SOS.

Ryan: Why?

Mia: Well, that's all you needed was me turning on the waterworks.

Ryan: Well, you were upset about Liza. I mean, you know, don't worry. She's going to come around. She'll come around.

Mia: Liza never wanted a sister.

Ryan: She didn't know she had one.

Mia: Yeah, well, now we'll be just best friends and we'll stay up late talking about guys and I'll be, like, "Hey, Liza, don't be mad, but I just slept with your boyfriend."

Ryan: No, look, I keep telling you what's going on with your sister and me, it's not --

[Knock on door]

Liza: Ryan? It's me, Liza. Are you up?

Anna: Wait, wait. Tell me you've got protection. Do you?

David: Wait right here.

[Phone rings]

Anna: Why not?

[Ring]

Anna: Hello? Yeah?

David: I'll call you right back. Don't you ever do that again.

Anna: Oh, you are hiding something, David. But not for long.

[Tracking device beeps]

Anna: Oh, you ought to stay away from me, but you can't, getting closer --

[Beeps accelerate]

Anna: Closer --

[Knock on door]

Anna: Gotcha.

Anna: David.

David: I tried to reach you after you stormed out last night.

Anna: Have any luck?

David: Uh-uh. No, the front desk wouldn't put me through.

Anna: I wasn't receiving calls.

David: And why is that?

Anna: I didn't want to be disturbed.

David: Do I disturb you, Devane?

Anna: I hate to be blunt, but why are you here?

David: We started something last night.

Anna: Did we?

David: Mm-hmm, and I think we should finish it.

Tad: Mmm.

Dixie: Mmm. Oh, Armand.

Tad: Armand?

Dixie: [French accent] My husband -- he cannot know that you are here.

Tad: [French accent] Your husband is a fool to leave such a beautiful woman alone.

Dixie: I tell him that, I do. But does he listen? No.

Tad: Forget him. I am here.

Dixie: You most certainly are.

Tad: I am completely at your service.

Dixie: Ooh. Do you do windows?

Tad: You toy avec moi.

Dixie: It's true. It's only because I am so nervous to be with such a large hunk of man like yourself.

Tad: I completely understand. I overwhelm myself.

Dixie: Ravish me, Armand!

Tad: [Normal voice] thought you'd never ask.

Tad: Whoa!

Dixie: [Normal voice] Oh! What? What? What? What?

Dixie: What? What? Why did you scream?

Tad: Get out of here right now.

Dixie: What are you looking at?

Tad: Uh -- nothing, baby, nothing. I -- I just thought something kind of, you know, crawled out of the woodwork.

Dixie: What?

Jesse: Good to see you, too, Taddio.

Dixie: Not a spider?

Tad: Yeah, yeah, yeah, one of those big, you know, hairy ones that just won't let go.

Dixie: Ooh.

Jesse: That's right. Not till you come correct.

Tad: Oh, please, you're not even real.

Jesse: Man, I thought we were past all that.

Dixie: Honey? Are you dreaming?

Tad: Uh -- yeah. I guess I must have been, huh?

Dixie: Okay. Well, wake up, wake up. We're awake now.

Jesse: Yeah, we're awake now, so get over it. I'm not in that big empty head of yours.

Tad: No, but you're in my face!

Jesse: All up in your face, baby.

Dixie: Tad, who are you talking to?

Tad: Nobody. I'm -- I'm not -- I'm -- I'm -- I'm -- I'm talking to myself. You know, I'm so exhausted, I -- I -- I was up all night. I --

Dixie: You took the red-eye?

Tad: Yeah, and I had one of those kids behind me, you know, the kind kicking the chair all the time and stuff, and you can't -- just -- you know, all you can do is clench your teeth and wonder when it's going to end.

Dixie: Sweetie, I'm worried about you.

Tad: Don't be. I'm going to be -- I'm going to be fine.

Dixie: Are you sure?

Tad: Yeah, I'm fine -- yeah, sure, sure. I just have to -- you know, I have to shake off a little jet lag, that's all.

Dixie: Serves you right for leaving without telling me, saying good-bye or anything.

Jesse: Man, I can't believe you. You've got this beautiful woman here and you just walk out on her so you can do your little revenge thing?

Tad: I told you, Honey. It was just like I told you when I called you from the road. I didn't have time. I mean, I just had to -- I barely had enough time to pack a bag. I just had to run for the plane.

Dixie: Why did Liza have to send you?

Tad: Because, you know, she had to have somebody there that she trusted. It was a huge media summit.

Dixie: She couldn't go herself?

Tad: I wanted to do her a favor.

Jesse: Man, not only do you lie, but you make yourself look good while you're doing it. Nice work, slick.

Dixie: Well, anyway, you were exhausted. I should let you get some rest.

Tad: No, don't you dare. I don't want to rest. All I want right now is a nice big tall glass of my wife. Ever since I left, I've been counting the hours to the point that I could hold you again.

Dixie: Oh.

Tad: Yeah.

Dixie: Armand.

Tad: Yeah, the Armand thing -- that was good.

Dixie: Okay. I'm going to go freshen up a little bit, and why don't you take off your clothes and, you know, relax.

Tad: Oh, okay.

Dixie: Okay.

Tad: Okay.

Dixie: All right.

Tad: All right.

[Door closes]

Tad: You weasel! You promised me.

Jesse: You talking to me?

Tad: Don't get cute. You swore to me I was going to have some time alone with my wife.

Jesse: That was to tell her the truth, Tad, but you're not even thinking about telling her what you're really up to, are you?

Tad: Dixie can't know. If she knew, she'd go ballistic.

Jesse: She deserves to know!

Tad: Why don't you just --

Jesse: She's your wife!

Tad: Stay out of it!

Jesse: Ah, hey, brightness, I told you -- I can't. I'm stuck here because I got between you and the doctor, all right? Stuck here with you.

Tad: Yeah, I know the drill, and I told you I don't need a guardian angel. So do me a favor and just leave.

Dixie: Tad?

Mia: I don't believe this. What is Liza doing here?

[Knock on door]

Liza: Ryan, are you there?

Ryan: Uh -- look, I hate to ask you to do this --

Mia: It's okay. I'm really -- I'm way ahead of you.

Liza: I shouldn't have come so early.

Ryan: No, it's okay.

Liza: No, I woke you up.

Ryan: No, no. Come in.  So, what brings you by?

Liza: The memorial for Gillian.

Ryan: Yeah.

Liza: Was I out of line bringing it up?

Ryan: No. Liza, no. A playground's a great idea.

Liza: Well, I was reading to Colby last night, and I was thinking -- I was thinking we should add a storybook theme to its design, you know, because Gillian's life was such a fairy tale.

Ryan: Yeah. I guess it was, without the happy ending.

Liza: Oh, you know, I'm just -- I'm an idiot.

Ryan: No, no. No, no, no, no. I just need to wake up.

Liza: No, no. You know what? I should have called first. We can talk about this some other time.

Ryan: No. It's fine. Really. I just got to take a shower and I'll get dressed and -- is it cold out?

Liza: It was, but it's warming up.

Ryan: Okay. All right, so, why don't I meet you in the park?

Liza: No. You should really go back to bed.

Ryan: No. No. This is a positive.

Liza: Okay.

Ryan: Okay.

Liza: I'll get a bench.

Ryan: Okay. Great. I'll get some coffee --

Liza: Okay.

Ryan: All right.

Ryan: I'm sorry to ask you to --

Mia: No, no, it's fine. Forget about it.

Ryan: Yeah?

Mia: It's okay. Yeah.

Ryan: You want to use the shower first?

Mia: No, no, you go ahead. Liza's waiting.

Ryan: Okay.

David: You find this humorous?

Anna: Am I laughing?

David: Well, you have to admit, we were connecting last night.

Anna: Maybe we were, but that moment's gone.

David: Oh, yeah, that's right, because I became annoyed that you answered my phone.

Anna: "Annoyed" would be an understatement.

David: Fine. I overreacted.

Anna: You don't have to apologize.

David: I'm not.

Anna: Well, if you'll excuse me, I have rather a busy day.

David: How much longer do we play this game?

Anna: Who said it was a game?

David: Oh, what about last night? You tried to stump me with a question -- "unless the name Proteus means anything to you."

Anna: Well, does it?

David: I already answered that.

Anna: And without even using a lifeline.

David: I told you, I'm a student of mythology. Yet you never told me what your interest was in Proteus.

Anna: No. I didn't.

David: Are you hoping to meet him someday?

Anna: I never said Proteus was a person.

David: Are you worried that he might not live up to your expectations?

Anna: Oh, please. I don't romanticize my work or anything else.

David: No, no, no, no, no. I've read studies on people like you -- in hot pursuit of someone or something. Sooner or later, the chase starts to take over their lives.

Anna: That isn't what's happening here at all.

David: Well, if you're obsessed, you wouldn't even know it.

Anna: I'm not obsessed.

David: Then why do I almost envy the guy, whoever he is?

Anna: I can't imagine.

David: To have a woman like you, trying to get inside my head -- I have to admit, that's -- it's quite a turn-on.

Anna: Then you're a very cheap date.

David: I have to go.

Anna: Oh, don't give up.

David: No, I'm not. I'll be back.

Anna: Like Proteus? In disguise?

David: Trust me. When I'm back, you'll know it's me, even with your eyes closed.

[Tracking device beeps]

Anna: You're right, David. I will know it's you, and all your little secrets.

Woman: Sweetie, are you warm enough? Let Mommy zip your jacket.

Ryan: House blend okay?

Liza: Oh, yeah. Oh, thanks.

Ryan: You know that woman?

Liza: Hmm?

Ryan: You know her?

Liza: No, no. No. Her baby was cute.

Ryan: You've been thinking about kids a lot.

Liza: You think?

Ryan: Well, with the playground and everything.

Liza: Oh, yeah, I guess.

Ryan: It means a lot, you starting this playground in Gillian's name. It means a lot.

Liza: Oh. Well, I'm glad. I didn't want you to do anything you'd be uncomfortable with.

Ryan: No. No, it feels like it's the right time.

Liza: I know how hard it is to begin again, but it's important that these new experiences and new people --

Ryan: What kind of new people?

Liza: Oh, I, came by your hotel room, and there were women's clothes. So who is she? Is it somebody I know?

Mia: What did I miss? There must be something.

Tad: Okay, so -- whoo! This has got to look a little squirrelly, doesn't it?

Dixie: You were talking to yourself.

Tad: No, no, I wasn't. Well, I mean, I -- talking to myself, but I wasn't, you know, "talking" to myself. You know.

Dixie: I don't.

Tad: It's just a, you know, relaxation exercise.

Dixie: Then why are you so tense?

Tad: Because it's not working. Matter of fact, I'm -- I'm considering calling the whole thing off.

Jesse: Not a chance. I ain't going nowhere. Your wife needs a friend.

Tad: No, she doesn't need you.

Dixie: Okay! I'm going to go downstairs and make a little coffee.

Tad: Oh, no. No. Okay -- no, terrific, but I -- tell you what, baby, you just, you know --

Dixie: I got it, I got it.

Tad: Hurry back because, you know, I missed you. I want to -- I want to show you what you've been missing.

Dixie: Oh, you've shown me a lot already.

Tad: And I'm okay. Look, I promise you I am fine, all right? And to prove it, I am going to give you a morning you are never going to forget.

Dixie: Mmm, I can hardly wait. Okay.

Tad: Okay.

Tad: Stop that. You honestly call this helping?

Jesse: What?

Tad: This, what you're doing -- interfering with my marriage.

Jesse: I can't interfere. It's not allowed.

Tad: Then what do you call what you're doing?

Jesse: It's some technical term in the big rulebook, but I call it saving your behind.

Tad: I don't need you to [as Jesse] save my behind because I can save my own behind if I have to, [normal voice] which I don't because I am fine.

Jesse: Okay. You're about to make the biggest mistake of your nappy-headed life.

Tad: And how do you know this?

Jesse: I know.

Tad: Terrific, terrific. So not only are you like the most annoying guardian angel that ever existed. Now you can see the future.

Jesse: Don't be dense, Tad. The way you feel about Hayward -- it's eating you up inside. It's taking over.

Tad: I can handle my feelings about Hayward.

Jesse: Mm-hmm. You can handle it. Okay, how? By stooping to his level? You do that, you get stuck there for good.

Tad: I'm not buying it.

Jesse: You don't have a clue. If you did, you wouldn't be doing what you're doing.

Tad: What?

Jesse: This mission that you are on to destroy Hayward -- man, it's going to end up destroying you.

Tad: And you're absolutely positive that this is going to happen.

Jesse: Duh -- yeah. Unless you give it up, yeah.

Tad: Well, guess what. I can't give it up.

[Footsteps]

David: Hello, Devane. What took you so long?

[Electronic scanner beeps]

David: I know it's a little early, but what the heck?

Anna: That champagne --

David: Oh, yeah. It's the only one you drink, right?

Anna: Damn. I hate to be a foregone conclusion.

David: I wouldn't worry about that. I'd advise you to drink that slowly.

Anna: Why?

David: More potent because of the altitude.

Anna: Are we that high?

David: Don't tell me you didn't notice on your way up here.

Anna: Well, I did have a little trouble with my car. It's true.

David: Well, let me show you why.

Anna: Oh. I didn't realize we were this high.

David: Yeah. It's beautiful, huh?

Anna: Wicked.

David: All of Pine Valley.

Anna: Spread out at your feet.

David: Hmm. Right where it belongs.

Anna: What is this place?

David: It's me.

Anna: Why did you lead me here?

David: I think you know.

Jesse: So, you think this guy is evil?

Tad: I know he's evil.

Jesse: So you just want to be evil in return?

Tad: If that's what it takes, yes.

Jesse: You want to tell me where that makes any kind of sense?

Tad: It makes sense because if I don't do anything, one thing is for sure -- he's going to continue screwing with people's lives. And I'm sorry, I'm not going to be guilty of just standing back and letting that happen, you know? I'm sorry. I can't live with that.

[Footsteps]

Tad: All right, now Dixie's coming back. Please, Jesse, do -- do me a favor, okay? Just give me a few minutes. Go.

Jesse: Can't. Got to protect you. Love you like a brother.

Tad: Prove it. For Jenny's sake, leave me alone.

Jesse: Not until I help you get through this.

Tad: I don't need your help. I'm okay!

Jesse: No! I'm okay. You're a mess, Sparky!

Tad: Don't mess with me. I saw "Ghostbusters" three times.

Jesse: Oh, God, you so corny, man. Get over it. You're stuck with me. Love me!

Tad: Love you? Come here! I'll kill you! You're already dead! Stop that popping up all over the place! You're giving me a headache!

Joe: Tad!

Liza: You know, you know what? Forget it. If someone was there and if somebody spent the night, it's really none of my business.

Ryan: Liza, I really --

Liza: No, really, really. Who you sleep with is not my concern.

Ryan: I don't know, it's -- it's kind of complicated.

Liza: Yeah, well, name one thing that isn't.

Ryan: You got me.

Liza: Didn't life used to be simpler?

Ryan: You mean when we were kids?

Liza: Yeah, I mean, there were still choices, but they were more like vanilla or chocolate. I could handle those.

Ryan: Back in the good old days.

Liza: Yeah, before life got so mixed up.

Ryan: Does that include you and me?

Liza: What do you mean?

Ryan: Well, ever since --

Liza: We slept together.

Ryan: Yeah. Is it just me, or do things not feel quite right between us?

Liza: I don't know. I think -- I sort of feel like you can look right through me. I feel naked.

Ryan: Yeah?

Liza: Do you, with me?

Ryan: I know I feel closer with you.

Liza: Well, that's good because I think about you a lot.

Ryan: You mean you worry about me a lot?

Liza: I just think about whether you're happy. I wonder if you'll stay in Pine Valley.

Ryan: Well, I haven't really decided that. Maybe after the playground goes up, I'll know.

Liza: Well, good. That gives you some time.

Ryan: Yeah. Anyway, how about you? How's everything with Adam?

Liza: Actually, things are getting better. I still -- I love him.

Ryan: Well, he's a lucky man.

Liza: He's the father of my child, and I owe it to him and to Colby to try to work things out.

Ryan: Even though that you worry about his influence on Colby.

Liza: Well, I'm not going to let him do what he did to JR and Hayley. I won't let him.

Ryan: It must be hard. I mean, with a full-time job, raising a child, policing your husband.

Liza: I'm not his keeper.

Ryan: Well, you gave him notice. If he screws up again, he's out of there. I mean, that means you're pretty much on full-time Adam patrol.

Liza: I hope not.

Ryan: So do I, Liza, because you deserve a break.

Liza: Well, who knows? Maybe I'll get one.

Ryan: Not if Adam is teaching your child the wrong values. I mean, you don't want Colby to grow up to be a little shark like daddy.

Liza: You know, honestly, that's the thing I worry about the most. But I think that I'll be able to handle it.

Ryan: Liza, we're friends, and I care about you. I can help you with this.

Marian: Oh, my God. Liza, you told him?

Ryan: Tell me what?

Liza: Thanks, mother. I actually really didn't want to talk about it until I was really sure --

Ryan: Of?

Liza: Well, it just has to do with your old job at WRCW. Adam doesn't want us working together.

Ryan: Well, we're not, so I don't see what the problem is.

Liza: No, I know, but I'm just having some trouble replacing you.

Ryan: Well, obviously, you're not looking hard enough.

Liza: No, I really have. It's just that you're the best at what you do, and I was hoping you'd consider coming back.

Ryan: Liza, Adam would go berserk.

Liza: Well, WRCW is really my domain. It's not his.

Ryan: Well, I don't want to complicate your life, I mean, any more than it already is.

Liza: You couldn't.

Marian: Ryan, Liza's right. You're a wonderful salesman.

Liza: Mother, I think that you've really done enough already.

Marian: Yes, well, I was just trying to help. Obviously, I'm intruding. I think I'd better go.

Ryan: No, no, no, no, no. Don't leave on my behalf. Really, I have to -- I have to be somewhere anyway. Is it okay if we talk about the playground another time?

Liza: Yeah, we can talk about it whenever. I mean, I hope you will consider the offer.

Ryan: Sure.

Liza: And I promise I won't barge in on you like I did this morning.

Ryan: You're welcome anytime. You know that.

Marian: Bye. Oh, darling, I'm sorry. I am so very, very sorry.

Liza: You should print that one on a T-shirt

Marian: I just -- when I heard what you were saying to Ryan, I just assumed that --

Liza: What, that I went and I told him that I thought I was pregnant.

Marian: Yes. I mean, he does deserve to know.

Liza: Of course.

Marian: Because if he is the father, Liza --

Liza: Mother, I went -- I went to his hotel room to tell him the news.

Marian: You didn't tell him?

Liza: No.

Marian: Why not?

Liza: Because -- because, mother, he wasn't alone. I think that she might have been in the bathroom.

Marian: Oh, my God. You mean he's sleeping with another woman?

Liza: Mother, he's sleeping with another woman. Ryan's not cheating on me.

Marian: Well, no, I mean, of course he's not exactly cheating on you, but --

Liza: No, not at all. I have no claim on Ryan.

Marian: But, Liza --

Liza: I mean, Ryan doesn't owe me anything. I'm glad that he's moved on.

Marian: Darling, you don't look glad.

Liza: Mother, I've never been happier in my whole life.

Mia: Wait a minute. Huh. What's this?

Mia: A birth certificate. John Ryan Curry. John Ryan Curry?

Tad: Hey, Pop. How's tricks?

Joe: Dixie called me. She's worried about you.

Tad: Well, she shouldn't because I'm -- I'm fine.

Dixie: You're not fine. You haven't been fine since you fell at the hospital. You're talking to yourself.

Tad: Well, but talking to yourself -- you know, that's when you start answering back, you got a problem.

Dixie: Tad?

Tad: What?

Dixie: I'm worried about you. Does that mean anything to you?

Jesse: You hear that, Tad? Tell her the truth. Tell her where you been, what you've been up to. Tell her now before it's too late.

Tad: Dad, Dixie --

Jesse: You're going to lie?

Tad: I'm fine. Really. I am -- I'm -- I'm okay. I'm just exhausted and I'm jet lagged.

Joe: Let's make sure that's all it is. Come back to the hospital with me.

Tad: No, Pop, I don't need to be checked out.

Joe: Tad, I'm putting my foot down. Now, either you come back to the hospital with me --

Tad: Or what?

Joe: Or I will be back in 20 minutes with the staff psychiatrist.

Anna: Why did you lure me up here?

David: I wanted to be alone with you.

Anna: On Mount Olympus.

David: Is that how it strikes you?

Anna: Well, you're the one that's been talking about ancient Gods.

David: So you think they'd like it up here?

Anna: Yeah. I think they'd feel quite at home.

David: And how about you?

Anna: It's a little bit overwhelming -- the view, the champagne --

David: And what else?

Anna: Does anyone know about this place?

David: No. I like my privacy.

Anna: But you don't live here full-time?

David: No, I don't, but that's certainly the goal.

Anna: Oh, really?

David: Mm-hmm.

Anna: No room service, no one to turn the pillow.

David: Hmm.

Anna: You think you'd be able to live that simply?

David: Yeah, I think I can handle it if all my basic needs were met.

Anna: What's under all the covers?

David: Go ahead. Take a look. But is that how you really want to spend your time here, digging around, searching for answers, trying to get inside my head, when you could just reach up and touch the sky? That's how close we are to heaven.

Marian: Liza, it's not as bad as it seems.

Liza: I just wish it would all go away.

Marian: Of course you do. Look, let's just put Ryan and Adam aside for one moment, okay, and focus on you. Now, do you really want this child?

Liza: I don't know.

Marian: Well, before you do anything or tell anyone, you need more time to think.

Liza: About what?

Marian: About yourself, about what you want to do.

Liza: Mother, that sounds fine, but there are other people involved.

Marian: Liza, I know you're concerned about other people's reactions.

Liza: Well, there's Ryan and Adam and Colby. I mean, what's going to happen to Colby if this all gets ugly?

Marian: We'll all protect Colby from finding out about it. Liza, in order to make other people happy, you have to be happy within yourself, and that's hard to do if you spend all your time and energy putting other people first.

Liza: So you're telling me I should be selfish.

Marian: Well, why do you care about everyone else in the world to the exclusion of yourself? The reason you're so torn apart right now is that you're not listening to your own inner feelings. Liza, this is your body, it's your child, and it's your future.

Liza: My future?

Marian: Yes, it's your future, so you have to decide what you want.

Liza: I want to be with Adam.

Marian: Are you sure?

Liza: Mother, I'm not sure about anything, but I do know that things have seemed better. And if the baby were his --

Marian: What?

Liza: I don't know. I just think if I just leave things alone that everything will work out fine.

Marian: Meaning what?

Liza: I laid everything out for him, Mother. If he doesn't change, we're through.

Marian: Do you really think that Adam is going to change?

Liza: Mother, he's trying. He's trying to not be manipulative, and if he can stop --

Marian: And the baby is really his?

Liza: Well, maybe the baby just really is his.

Marian: What are you going to tell Ryan?

Liza: Nothing. I'll tell him nothing.

Marian: Liza, listen to me. If you have any doubts about who the father is --

Liza: The baby is Adam's. And if I believe that, everything will be fine.

Mia: Yeah, Adam. It's Mia. No. And I searched everywhere. No, I know. It's weird. It's like he doesn't have a past or something.

[Keys jingle]

Mia: Oh. I got to go.

Ryan: You want to tell me why you're still here?

Mia: Sure. You ready for round two?

Joe: Well, physically, there's nothing wrong with him.

Tad: See, I told you. No problem.

Dixie: You talk to yourself. That's a problem.

Tad: Baby, you've always known me to be a little quirky. You know, you never thought I had to have my head examined before.

Dixie: Want to bet?

Joe: You know, Son, it wouldn't hurt to do an EEG.

Tad: Dad, I don't want to do an EEG. You know, we did one of those at the hospital the day I fell, and Dr. Kessler, Keppler, whatever his name was, said I was fit as a fiddle.

Jesse: "Fit as a --" "fit as --" just how fit is a fiddle, and, you know --

Tad: Point is I'm fine!

[Phone rings]

Tad: Ah! There you go! See? Now my phone is ringing. Oh, oh, wait, no. Is that in my head?

Dixie: It's your phone. Why don't you answer it, you annoying person.

[Ring]  [Audio feedback]

Tad: Hello. Mad Tartin.

Woman: Guess who.

Tad: Excuse me?

Woman: It's me, Tad. It's Leslie.

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Bianca: I hope you don't have a problem with this. I'm gay.

Frankie: It even makes me like you more.

Leslie: Getting even with David Hayward will do wonders for my mental health.

David: Now you know my secret, how does it feel to make love to the enemy?

Hayley: What's the occasion?