AMC Transcript Thursday 10/4/01

 

All My Children Transcript Thursday 10/4/01

By Amanda
Proofread by Kathy

Previously:

Liza: Oh.

Tad: This bump on the head, could it make me see things?

Dr. Keppler: Physically, you're really fine.

Greenlee: Erica wants to hire Leo for the new ad campaign -- to work with me.

Brooke: Oh, Leo, what have you done?

Now:

Dixie: Tad, honey? Who are you talking to?

Tad: No one important.

Jesse: Don't push it, player.

Dixie: Joe said that you hit your head.

Tad: Yeah.

Dixie: Ooh.

Tad: Yeah, I -- I checked out fine, Honey.

Dixie: Yeah? Maybe we should have you rechecked, hmm?

Jesse: That's right, Dixie. Your boy here really needs his head re-examined.

Tad: Get away from me!

Dixie: Tad.

Tad: Not you, baby. Not really, I didn't mean you.

Dixie: Well, who could you mean? There's nobody else here.

Jesse: That's right. There's nobody else here.

Tad: You are definitely getting on my last nerve.

Dixie: Okay, that's it. I'm calling Dr. Keppler.

Tad: No! Please don't. Please, please, please, I promise you, okay? I give you my word Iím not crazy. So don't start looking at me like I need to check into a rubber room.

Jesse: Oh, no, Dixie, you go ahead, call the men in white, lock him up. It's the only way to keep him from whacking that David Hayward.

Dixie: Tad. 

[Phone rings]

Brooke: Leo?

Edmund: Brooke, you're back.

Brooke: Edmund, what's wrong?

Edmund: Listen; don't panic. I'm at the ER with Laura.

Brooke: What happened?

Edmund: I'm not sure. We were at the office and she just started to hyperventilate. Jake's with her right now.

Brooke: All right, tell Laura I will be right there.

Edmund: I will. And listen, bring Leo if you see him, okay? She's been calling for him. I don't think she'll calm down until she sees him.

[Edmund hangs up]

Leo: What?

Indy: I read tan lines. And this one on your ring finger tells me that there's a wife in the picture.

Leo: Is that going to be a problem?

Laura: I need Leo! Where's Leo?

Jake: Laura, Laura, you're hyperventilating. You need to relax and just slow down your breathing.

Laura: I need Leo!

Jake: All right, Iím going get you on this oxygen here. I'm going to --

Laura: I don't want that! I want Leo! I want my husband!

Liza: Oh, Ryan. I'm so sorry about your mom. Tell me what I can do.

[Pounding on door]

Liza: Adam.

Adam: So this is where you came to get away from it all?

Liza: Adam, leave it to you.

Adam: What, to find you out? You didn't need time to find yourself or sort out our marriage. You wanted to be alone with your lover!

Liza: Well, thank you for the wonderful homecoming.

Adam: Homecoming? You never left. You've been shacking up with your muscle-bound Romeo here.

Liza: You know, keep talking. Remind me of why I needed to get away to begin with.

Adam: Where's Colby?

Liza: Well, oh, we sent her on a liquor run.

Adam: Damn it! Did you do it with her here in this room? Have you no decency?

Liza: Have you no shame? Do you see our daughter?

Adam: What have you done with my daughter?

Liza: Your daughter is with her grandmother who picked us up at the airport this afternoon.

Adam: You expect me to believe that?

Liza: Well, it's the truth, whether you like it or not. Actually, I have the airline tickets. Would you like to see them? But I'm sure they don't fit into your fantasy.

Adam: Why didn't you go straight home?

Liza: Isn't it obvious?

Adam: I saw you with your arms around each other.

Liza: You make jumping to conclusions an Olympic event, Adam.

Adam: What -- what in the hell are you doing in Laveryís motel room?

Liza: And what are you doing peeping through the window?

Adam: Don't -- don't confuse the issues!

Liza: I'm not confusing the issues here. The issue is that you wanted to have a face-to-face with Ryan. You wanted to cause a lot of trouble, even though you promised not to!

Adam: I'm here because I was worried about you!

Liza: Oh, really?

Adam: Yes, really! You've been calling me every day before you put Colby down for her nap so I could talk with her. Today no phone call.

Liza: Because we were on our way home.

Adam: How in the hell was I supposed to know that?

Liza: You weren't supposed to know it, it was a surprise! But just like you, you have to ruin everything.

Adam: Let's talk about this at home.

Liza: You know what? I just -- I don't think that's such a great idea.

Ryan: Liza. Go home with your husband.

Adam: You stay out of this, Lavery!

Ryan: Don't pop a vein, Chandler. This time I'm on your side.

Jesse: Thaddeus has a case of runaway rage. And I'm here to put the brakes on.

Tad: No --

Jesse: Yes!

Tad: Matter how weird this looks, Honey, I -- I promise you I am not a nut ball.

Jesse: You are such a hardheaded fool, man. You still won't listen to me.

Tad: Honey, um -- do me a favor, Sweetie. Let's -- let's have a seat over here, shall we?

Dixie: Okay. I am a little worried about you.

Tad: Oh, no. Don't be. I'm -- I'm fine. Really, I'm -- really, Iím okay. I just -- I'm a little strung-out.

Dixie: I can see that. About what?

Tad: Well, for one thing, David Hayward is at it again.

Dixie: At what?

Tad: He's going after Dad's job.

Dixie: He wants to be Chief of Staff of the hospital?

Tad: So bad he can taste it.

Dixie: I don't believe it.

Jesse: Oh, believe it, Dixie. It's a known fact.

Tad: It's true. True, it's -- it's all over the hospital. Dad is -- I mean, David is trashing Dad's name all over the hospital. He's trying to make him appear incompetent. He wants to set up a case of review before the hospital board.

Dixie: Well, that's terrible, but it doesn't explain why you were yelling when I walked in here.

Tad: Oh, Dixie, are you kidding? I was so angry at David, I wanted to pound him into the ground. Something -- stopped me.

Jesse: Please hold your applause till the end.

Tad: I ran in here so I could -- you know, I could blow off some steam -- you know, rant and rave a little bit, read David the riot act.

Dixie: An imaginary David?

Tad: Oh, sure, man. You've done that before, haven't you? You know, you rehashed arguments in your mind, given somebody what for when they weren't there?

Dixie: Yeah, I guess.

Tad: Well, see, that's the same thing. That's exactly what was going on. I was just -- I was here, I was letting David have it, but this way, no actual human beings were hurt.

Jesse: Boy, you a train wreck waiting to happen. You know that?

Dixie: It just worries me, you know, that you let David upset you still so much.

Tad: I'm not upset, Sweetie. I had my thing. It's all over. It's over and done.

Dixie: Are you sure? You know, because you remember what happened with the whole Sweeney thing.

Tad: Oh, no, baby, I swear to you. I give you my word that I'm not about to do anything stupid. Honestly. I mean, that bump on the head must've knocked some sense into me because I ended up having a little chat with my conscience, you know -- smug, self-righteous, Jiminy Cricket wannabe. And I -- and I -- I -- I realized something very important.

Dixie: What's that?

Tad: As satisfying as killing David Hayward would be, it's just not worth risking what you and I have together. See, I never want to give anybody that much power over you and me, especially not David. He's just not worth it.

Brooke: Edmund? How is Laura? Has there been any change?

Edmund: Jake's still examining her.

Brooke: I want to see her.

Edmund: Where's Leo?

Brooke: I have no idea. Laura.

Jake: Brooke.

Brooke: Honey, honey, how are you doing? How is she, Jake?

Jake: Well, better than when she came in.

Laura: Mom. Where's Leo? I need him. Just tell me where he is.

[Laura wheezes]

Brooke: Honey, I don't know where Leo is. I just came from the airport.

Laura: But, Mom, you have to find him. I need him. I need Leo here.

Brooke: It's all right. We'll find him, we'll find him. It's okay.

Jake: Okay, okay. We're doing our best to track Leo down and I want you just to relax, Laura, and Iím going to step outside and talk to your mom.

Laura: No, I don't want to relax! I want Leo!

Brooke: I know. I know you do. Honey, I understand, all right? I'm just going to be right outside. I'm just going to -- Iím just going to talk to Jake for a minute, okay? I'll be right back. Jake, what -- what is wrong? Is it her heart? I mean, she was doing so well.

Jake: Look, Brooke, physically, Laura is doing fine. Have a seat. Her heartbeat was slightly accelerated but for no organic cause, at least none that we have found.

Brooke: But something is wrong. I mean, she's so agitated. I'd really like it if Dr. Hayward could look at her.

Jake: Okay, well, Dr. Hayward has been paged.

Brooke: Okay.

Jake: But I don't think she needs to see a cardiologist. At this point, I would recommend a psychiatrist.

Liza: How could you side with him?

Ryan: You quote me and Iíll deny it, but, Liza, this time he's right.

Adam: I don't need you to defend me, Lavery.

Ryan: Shut it, Chandler! Liza, you set out the ground rules, right? I mean, Adamís got to follow the game plan. One false move and he's history.

Liza: That is not exactly --

Ryan: Well, you pretty much rigged it so he can't win, Liza.

Liza: No, he's good and he can succeed.

Ryan: You gave him a list of do's and doníts and then you took Colby and you disappeared.

Liza: So?

Ryan: So what's he supposed to do? Sit home and wait for you to decide whether, you know, you want to come back? He can't do that. He's got to take action. He's a shark. He swims or he dies.

Liza: Well, so -- so what, the great white swims up to your doorstep?

Ryan: Right. And he finds you in a motel room with a guy.

Liza: Yeah.

Ryan: The same -- the same guy that he caught you in bed with.

Liza: And he jumps to the conclusion that Iím having another affair with you.

Ryan: Liza, look at this from his point of view. It didn't look so innocent.

Adam: Are you finished?

Ryan: Almost. Where were you going to go when you left here, Liza?

Liza: Home.

Ryan: Well, then follow the game plan and go home.

Adam: Liza --

Liza: I'm not going to fight with both of you.

Adam: Let's go.

Liza: In a minute.  Thank you for your perspective.

Ryan: Later, Adam. Don't bother thanking me.

Indy: So, what is the story with you and Mrs. Leo?

Leo: Uh, boring.

Indy: I also have a high boredom tolerance.

Leo: Yeah, well, this will send you over the edge, believe me.

Indy: Try me.

Leo: Why?

Indy: Why not? Pour your soul out. You'll never see me again, so any secrets that you want to share are going to disappear with this bar smoke and me.

Leo: Okay. You asked for it. The story of Leo and how he fell into a marriage and what happened after that. I -- well, I've been around the world and tried everything, so I thought Iíd take a stab at being the good guy/husband type.

Indy: And what happened?

Leo: I wasn't right for the part. I kept forgetting my lines and what was supposed to do. It just didn't play, so I gave it up.

Indy: Just like that?

Leo: Mm-hmm. Just like that. Never looked back, on to the next adventure. You up for it?

Indy: Oh, I'm up for anything. I'm just not so sure that you are.

Leo: Try me.

Indy: You're a real B.S. artist, Leo -- not that there's anything wrong with that.

Leo: What do you mean?

Indy: I mean I've been around the world just like you and this whole guy-without-a-heart routine -- it's the worst thing I've seen since I hit New York.

Brooke: Jake, why do you think Laura needs psychiatric help?

Jake: Well, Brooke, it seems to me that Laura has worked herself up into a major panic attack.

Brooke: A panic attack?

Jake: She shows all of the symptoms -- uncontrolled anxiety, rapid, shallow breathing, accelerated heartbeat.

Phoebe: What's bothering you, Sweetheart?

Laura: Nothing.

Phoebe: Well, now, you cannot fool Dear Aggie, darling. I know when you're down in the dumps.

Laura: Well, I don't know. Maybe it's this whole marriage thing. How do you know when you're a good wife?

Phoebe: Well, have you gotten any complaints?

Laura: Not really. I mean, Leo says everything's fine.

Phoebe: But you don't believe him?

Laura: I just thought things would be different -- like once you're married, things would fall into place.

Phoebe: Oh, no, Darling. Marriage isn't the end of the journey. In fact, it's only the starting point.

Laura: Did you and Uncle Langley -- did you guys have problems when you first got married?

Phoebe: Did we ever. You see, every marriage has a period of adjustment. You and Leo are only getting to know one another.

Laura: I know. I just feel like Iím trying so hard to be what I think he wants.

Phoebe: Romantic?

Laura: And I feel like it's making him -- both of us -- too self-conscious.

Phoebe: That will pass, Darling.

Laura: Well, not if I keep saying the wrong thing, not if we keep fighting.

Phoebe: Oh, you'll fight, all right. But then you'll make up and that, believe me, is the best part.

Laura: I hope you're right.

Phoebe: Of course I'm right.

[Alarm clock rings]

Laura: Oh -- time for my meds.

Phoebe: Time for mine, too. Thanks for the reminder.

Laura: Oh, really? Popping pills with my great aunt -- how weird is that? What are yours for?

Phoebe: Oh, they slow down my heart rate.

Laura: Really?

Phoebe: Mm-hmm.

Laura: Is that bad?

Phoebe: Well, when it's my age, it is.

Laura: You're not old, Aunt Phoebe.

Phoebe: Well, I can't turn cartwheels any longer, but I've learned a few things over the years. Just be patient, darling.

Laura: I'm trying.

Phoebe: Good. I hope I've helped.

Laura: Oh. You've helped more than you know.

Phoebe: Oh, Sweetheart.

Laura: Hmm.

Dixie: Well, Honey, I'm relieved that you want to cross David off your hit list.

Tad: Well, he's a complete waste of time.

Dixie: But I think it's obvious he still pushes your buttons.

Tad: Well, baby, I'd like to think it's not just me. You know, you should have seen the way he went after my father. He makes him sound like a hazard to his patients. I've never seen Pop look so devastated.

Dixie: But everybody knows what a great doctor Joe is. Say he does have to go in front of the board for some reason. He's going to have the entire hospital staff behind him.

Tad: Yeah, well, what if Hayward gets to them first?

Dixie: There's a lot of people who would like to see David take a fall. Maybe I could even help give him a little push.

Tad: Yeah? Really? Why?

Dixie: Well --

Tad: What are you thinking?

Dixie: I'm thinking I made a lot of friends when I was working for the Andrassy Foundation.

Tad: Yeah?

Dixie: I could call them up, you know, schmooze them a little bit, tell them how PVH wouldn't be the great hospital that it is today without Joe's dedication and leadership.

Tad: Baby, that's brilliant. That's -- hmm, yes! And you know what? If we wanted to, we could even start our own little smear campaign against, you know, Dr. Diablo.

Dixie: Hang on a second, okay? David is his own worst press agent. Nobody is going to support him over Joe.

Tad: I wish I had your belief in human nature.

Dixie: Well, stick with me; I'll bring you around.

Tad: Yeah.

Dixie: I'm going to get on this, okay? Are you going to be all right?

Tad: Yeah, yeah, I'm sure -- fine. I'm just, you know, waiting for my discharge papers.

Dixie: Okay.

Tad: Yeah. Woof. What was that for?

Dixie: For being so good, not letting David control you. I'm proud of you.

Tad: Thank you.

Jesse: Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk.

Tad: Listen, you, I want whatever you are out of my noggin, okay? So you just, you know, be gone.

Jesse: Oh, donít be dumb, Tad. You need me now more than ever.

Tad: No.

Jesse: Yes, you do.

Tad: No, no, no. I don't see -- look, hey, look, Iím fine. I'm not going after Hayward.

Jesse: Boy, you must really think I'm stupid, huh?

Dixie: Jake, Jake.

Jake: Hey.

Dixie: I'm looking for David Hayward.

Jake: Well, that makes two of us.

Dixie: Tad told me he's trying to oust Joe as Chief of Staff?

Jake: Yeah, yeah, it appears that way and that's what's got Tad so ticked off.

Dixie: Well, so am I, to be honest with you. Does he have a case?

Jake: He thinks so.

Dixie: Somebody's got to talk to that man.

Jake: Oh, and that someone would be you?

Dixie: Why not?

Jake: You know why.

Dixie: I'm not going to let him get to me. Honestly, Jake. Where do you think he is, anyway?

Jake: I don't know, beats me, but he's got a patient waiting for a consult and he's nowhere to be found.

Dixie: Great. Well, he can't hide from me.

Brooke: You didn't seem surprised when Jake recommended that Laura get some psychiatric help.

Edmund: You may want to consider that.

Brooke: Well, I mean, why do you think that she needs psychiatric help?

Edmund: Brooke, I was at the office when Laura lost it.

Brooke: Well, do you have any idea what set her off?

Edmund: No. Well, I'm not sure, but she fired that temporary secretary and it wasn't pretty. I mean, she was harsh.

Brooke: She's not like this, all right? I don't understand any of this.

Edmund: She's had a pretty rough time since the, you know, transplant.

Brooke: Leo said before I left for Switzerland that she seemed down.

Edmund: Leo? He's been kind of the focus of her frustration. I've left messages all over. Where is he, Brooke?

Brooke: When I came back from the airport, I stopped over at Laura and Leoís condo. He wasn't there, but I found --

Laura: Mom! Oh, help me!

Brooke: Jake?

Jake: I heard. Laura, what is it?

Laura: I don't know. I just got so dizzy all of a sudden.

Jake: Look, just relax, just relax.

Laura: What's wrong with me, Jake?

Jake: We're going to find out. Just relax and take deep breaths.

Brooke: All right, all right, honey. All right, Iím here, Iím here. I'm here, honey. I'm right here, okay?

Jake: Deep breaths.

Adam: Colby grew while you two were gone.

Liza: Oh, we weren't gone that long.

Adam: Yeah, well, she's -- she's different somehow.

Liza: Except when she's sleeping.

Adam: Yeah. With that stud lion tucked under her chin, her beautiful hair. Almost as beautiful as her mother.

Liza: The way you look at her never changes. Watching you watching her sleeping makes me fall in love with you all over again.

Adam: And then we tiptoe down the steps and the spell is broken.

Liza: Is it?

Adam: Yes, we retreat to our separate corners; you draw a line in the sand, and dare me to cross it. If I do, well, I'm a control freak. And if I don't, I -- I don't know who I am or what the hell we're doing here.

Liza: I thought we were trying to make our marriage work.

Adam: Make our marriage work. All right, is that your first priority?

Liza: What do you think?

Adam: I don't know. First thing you did when you came home was race over to Ryanís house.

Liza: There was a reason for that.

Adam: What, to drive me over the edge?

Liza: No, you knew I needed to get away.

Adam: To punish me?

Liza: No, to figure out where we go next.

Adam: What the hell does Ryan Lavery have to do with our future?

Liza: If you would just stop this just for a minute, I would tell you because, Adam, I have made a very important decision about us.

Adam: So you've made a decision about us?

Liza: Yes.

Adam: Do I need a drink or a blindfold?

Liza: Will you just let me talk? I realize that, with everything, that I've lost sight of what's most important in my life. I mean, even though Colby is the center of my world -- you know when you're in high school, there's a picture of you in the yearbook? And under that picture sometimes it's written "most likely to" whatever. To succeed in business, to get married, to become a millionaire.

Adam: Uh-huh, yes.

Liza: Well, under my high school photo, it said "Most likely to be a home-wrecker."

Adam: That was cruel.

Liza: It was accurate. I wasn't a very good person. I was as ruthless as you are.

Adam: That's not a compliment, I take it?

Liza: It's just -- Iím just stating a fact. I didn't want to grow up to be that girl in my high school yearbook, known for sleeping around. But when I left home, I looked in the mirror and I was that girl, only the home that I was wrecking was my own.

Adam: But you still left.

Liza: I came back.

Adam: Why?

Liza: Because I missed here, I missed you. Our battles, the backhanded way that you -- you love me.

Adam: And that's why you came home?

Liza: It was you. Something you said, you took me back to that time, and I don't want to be my mother's daughter. I don't want to be that kind of mother for Colby.

Adam: But you went to see Ryan first.

Liza: I had to make peace for what I did, for turning to him.

Adam: And did you?

Liza: Yes, we did, we both did. Ryan has to find his own way. I don't -- I don't want to lose you. I don't want our marriage to be over.

Adam: What do you want?

Liza: I want you to hold me. I want you to wrap your arms around me and just be with me all night. I want to be in my husband's bed.

Tad: Oh, for God's sake. Isn't there a castle in Scotland somewhere you can go haunt?

Jesse: Oh, shut up, Tad. Look, Dixie might have bought that line of yours, but this dog ain't biting.

Tad: What line?

Jesse: That you're going to give Hayward a pass. Ha!

Tad: Why's that so unbelievable?

Jesse: Because I saw you with that damn hammer in your hand and that Charles Manson look in your eye.

Tad: Okay, okay. Jesse, I swear to God --

Jesse: Uh-uh-uh-uh. Don't swear. Doesn't sit too well with the big cheese, you know?

Tad: Oh, this is ridiculous. You know, you're not real. I'm not even having this conversation.

Jesse: I am real. And I'm here trying to keep your butt out of trouble.

Tad: I told you, I'm not in trouble.

Jesse: You will be if you go after Hayward. Now, Tad, if this man is half as bad as you say he is, trust me, he's going to have more then enough to deal with when his time comes.

Tad: What's your point? You're trying to tell me that, you know, there really is a -- a down there?

Jesse: Tad, we go way back, and I would really like to cut you some slack.

Tad: No, don't tell me. I know. I've seen "It's A Wonderful Life." You don't do your little good deed, you don't get your wings, right?

Jesse: Oh, it ain't the wings Iím after, trust me. It's the powers that be. I mean, they -- they think you still need me around. Otherwise, Iíd be chilling with Jenny.

Tad: Jenny?

Jesse: Jenny. Yeah, she's a bigger angel there than she was here.

Tad: Can she see me?

Jesse: Hell, yeah, she's right there. Psych. Made you look. You know, Tad, seriously, it would break Jenny's heart if you killed the maniac doctor and the both of you-all ended up sharing bunks in that place you call hell.

Edmund: Hey, Jake.

Brooke: So, how is she?

Jake: Well, there's a new development. I ran another ECG.

Brooke: And?

Jake: And Lauraís heart rate has decelerated abnormally.

Edmund: Hmm.

Brooke: Well, what -- what would cause that?

Jake: Any number of possibilities. We're just going to have to run more tests to see.

Brooke: Oh. So, well, then she didn't have a panic attack?

Jake: Apparently not.

Brooke: Do you think she still needs psychiatric help?

Jake: I don't think it would hurt, but the need is not immediate. But I am sorry for alarming you unnecessarily.

Brooke: Can I see her?

Jake: Well, actually, Laura just fell asleep, but before she nodded off, she did say that she wanted to see Leo.

Brooke: All right, listen, thank you, Jake.

Jake: Okay.

Brooke: So -- so she didn't just have a panic attack.

Edmund: Well, apparently not. This is good news, yes?

Brooke: Yeah, you know, it's better than thinking that she was having a breakdown. I just -- you know, I just want to know what is going on with her heart rate.

Edmund: The doctors will find out, okay?

Brooke: Okay.

Edmund: I'm sure Lauraís going to be all right.

Brooke: I hope you're right.

Edmund: You going to be all right?

Brooke: I'll be okay.

Edmund: Got to make a call. Back in a minute.

Leo's voice: "Dear Laura, I hate to have to hurt you like this, but by the time you read this letter, Iíll be gone."

Indy: I like your James Dean impression, that whole "Rebel Without a Cause" thing you've got going.

Leo: Live hard, die young, and leave a good-looking corpse behind.

Indy: That's not you.

Leo: How do you know that?

Indy: Artist's intuition.

Leo: Okay, so you tell me who I am, Ms. Smarty-pants, come on.

Indy: You are a guy who's running from a marriage that you don't really want to be in, but I know that part of you still cares for your wife.

Leo: And you got all this from a naked ring finger?

Indy: Mm-hmm.

Leo: Okay, well, let's say you're right. Let's say I do still care about my wife. She's there, Iím here, and there's no way in hell Iím going back.

Indy: If you say so.

Leo: I say so.

Indy: One more thing?

Leo: Mm-hmm?

Indy: If a stranger can read you this well, so can your wife. All she has to do is stare into those big puppy-dog eyes of yours.

Leo: Are you through?

Indy: Yep.

Leo: Thank God.

Indy: Your reading is over.

Leo: Good. So what's next?

Indy: We'll flip a coin. Heads, you go home to Mrs. Leo, and tails, you come with me.

Leo: I don't want to play. You win. Let's go.

Indy: You don't swig your brew.

Jesse: You need to listen to me, Tad. Hayward will get what's coming to him.

Tad: Right. In this life or the next?

Jesse: Yeah, that's how it works. It's not your job to hand out justice. Tad, listen to me. If you whack Hayward, not only am I screwed, but your sister, Jenny, will never let me hear the end of it.

Tad: Terrific. Now my subconscious is trying to send me on a guilt trip.

Jesse: Dude, can you please just try to get this through that thick, dented skull of yours -- I am not some Freudian slip, Iím not a flashback, Iím not some gas you're trying to pass, Iím not that rancid hot dog you ate this afternoon for lunch.

Tad: I know what this is.

Jesse: Oh --

Tad: It's all the stuff they gave me in the ER. This is some kind of reaction to medication.

Jesse: This is not medication, it's not drugs, and this is not a bad dream. I am here to keep your butt out of trouble.

Tad: No. No.

Jesse: Yes.

Tad: You are a figment of my imagination.

Jesse: I am not.

Tad: Yes, you are.

Jesse: No, I'm not.

Tad: Yes, you are.

Jesse: I'm not!

Tad: You're brought on by stress, therefore, you do not exist. You do not exist. You do not exist.

[Tad babbles]

Tad: Whoo, whoo, whoo, and whoo!

Jesse: Again with the knuckleheads. Dang it!

Leo's voice: "Laura, the decision to leave was really hard. I don't see a future for us, but that's not your fault. I don't deserve you. You're too good for me. And please don't think that I'm leaving you for Greenlee. I'm leaving because I'm totally messed up. How many times have I hurt you without meaning to? That's what I do -- I hurt the people I care about. I can't go on doing that to you. Forget I ever existed and get on with your life. Meet someone who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. You got a second chance, Laura, a heart that's ready to love. Don't waste it on me. Take care. Leo."

Brooke: Hi.

Laura: Is Leo here?

Brooke: No, Honey, he's not.

Laura: Where is he? This is crazy. He should be here. He's --

Brooke: I know.

Laura: Maybe we should call the police.

Brooke: We don't need to do that, Laura.

Laura: Mom, something horrible must've happened to Leo or he'd be here.

Brooke: Honey, Leoís not coming.

Ryan: No, I want to keep the obituary pretty simple. "Gail Lavery, beloved mother of Ryan and Braden." What? No, she wasn't survived by any grandchildren.

Adam: Oh. You have no idea how happy you've made me.

Liza: No. Sweet -- sweet talk is not going to ruin our deal. Any funny business behind my back --

Adam: All funny business will be carried out in broad view, in the open.

Liza: That -- that's -- that's good, I think.

Adam: Liza, Liza, listen to me. I don't need to conquer the world anymore. Everything a man could possibly need, I have right here.

Liza: I've missed you.

Adam: Yeah. We've got a lot of -- lot of things to make up for.

Liza: Well, I think we should get started.

Adam: Okay.

>> On the next "All My Children."  --

Jake: Will you help me find Leo?

Brooke: Maybe it would be better if Leo explained it in his own words.

Hayley: You remember what you said about your mother? I guess it really got to me.

Adam: Liza? You okay?