AMC Transcript Friday 9/7/01

All My Children Transcript Friday 9/7/01

Provided by Amanda

Hayley: Nurse, could you please come in here?

Nurse: Mrs. Santos, can I help?

Hayley: Were you with my son when he was taken to the nursery for his bath?

Nurse: Is there a problem?

Hayley: Was he ever out of your sight?

Nurse: He was never alone, if that's what you're asking, but you're mother stopped by. She wanted to say hello to her grandson and I got a page, so I stepped out for just a second.

Mateo: What's wrong?

Hayley: Look, Arlene -- look what she did to the baby.

Mateo: What, what, what?

Hayley: Look.

Mateo: I don't see anything. What did she do?

Hayley: His hair, Mateo. He had more hair than this. She cut off his hair.

Mateo: You didn't --

Nurse: No.

Hayley: Mateo --

Mateo: Ok, all right.

Hayley: She spoke to the nurse. She was there alone with him.

Mateo: Take it easy. I know it's bad, but the baby's fine, ok?

Hayley: Mateo, what part of this aren't you understanding? She was alone with our son and she had scissors -- or a knife. What if she -- what if she hadn't stopped with his hair?

Arlene: Hey.

Attendant: What have you got?

Arlene: Want to see something amazing here? Yeah. This is my little girl. Well, she's all grown up now, but -- oh, wasn't she a beautiful baby?

Attendant: Very cute.

Arlene: And this is my -- my other baby, my grandson. Oh, the ladies won't stand a chance with him, he's such a looker.

Attendant: That's Mr. Chandler's grandson?

Arlene: Mm-hmm. And mine. Don't tell my daughter this, but I think he's even more beautiful than she was, which is something to celebrate. My daughter's not going to know how loving I'm going to be, and I owe it all to this little heartbreaker. Here's to you, baby.

Tad: You always told me that you got to fight for what you believe in. If that's the case, then how could you let a man like David Hayward walk all over you? Especially when he's this close to being out of our lives for good. He made a fool out of us in that board room, along with Palmer, and now you just want to sit back and take it like nothing happened? Why? If we got to get down and dirty to fight these people, then why don't we just do it and get it over with? What's stopping us? What's stopping you, Dad? Are you just too nice a guy to give a damn?

David: It's a yes or no question, Jake. Do you want to work for me? Assuming you could put aside your personal feelings.

Dixie: And why should he bother?

David: Because the Warneford Chair gives us the opportunity of a lifetime, and perhaps Jake here would like to be known as a great doctor rather than just a good one.

Dixie: I'm sorry, but Jake is a better doctor than you will ever be because he genuinely cares about people. He doesn't just care about using them. Like you used my Uncle Palmer. Dancing around like a puppet so you could get back on staff, and now you want to stand here and you want to -- you want to gloat, you want to offer Jake some sort of handout? Well, I'm sorry, he doesn't need your help. Come on, Jake, let's get out of here.

Jake: Oh, just wait a second. I want to hear more about David's opportunity.

David: Are you genuinely interested?

Jake: Still listening, aren't I?

Greenlee: It's not a problem that your husband's on his way up to see me, right?

Laura: No.

Greenlee: Oh, dear. Looks like I've broken one of the rules. I'm sorry, they're so new to me. Was there a rule against Leo coming to visit me at the office?

Leo: All right, Greenlee, I've got the sheets you've been --

Leo: What the hell are you doing here?

Mateo: Here. Let me take him. There you go. I don't know, I think he looks kind of cool with a crew cut.

Hayley: Don't make this funny.

Mateo: I'm just trying --

Hayley: It's not funny.

Mateo: I'm just trying to lighten things up, all right? I don't want you to be scared.

Hayley: She could've hurt him, Mateo.

Mateo: She didn't. Everything's fine. I put her on a plane. I watched it take off. I told the flight attendant to make sure she didn't get off until the plane landed. Now, your mother probably's going to slither off into the sunset somewhere and she's never coming back, ever.

Nurse: I could take your baby back to the nursery, if you'd like.

Hayley: No, the baby's not going back to the nursery. He can nap in here.

Mateo: I'll call you if I need you, ok? Thanks. It's over.

Hayley: It's not over. It is never going to be over with her ever, Mateo. Don't you understand? It would be one thing if Arlene would at least pretend to be a normal human being, but she can't even do that. You know, I understand if she wanted to see her grandson, that's fine. I wouldn't be thrilled, but we could work it out. Sure, we could work it out. But no, she's got to come back to town and sneak around like a nut job and she's got to sneak into the hospital and hide out in the nursery. And then it's not enough for her to just see her grandson. She's got to lop off a lock of his hair, like some sort of sicko -- like a sick, twisted psychopath.

Mateo: That's Arlene.

Hayley: That's Arlene. You know, and then I should know better, but part of me keeps hoping-

Mateo: That she'll change.

Hayley: That she'll change. Part of me even --

[Hayley sighs]

Mateo: What?

Hayley: Part of me even wanted her here. I wanted her here to share in the moment of all of this. But clearly I am suffering from postpartum depression.

Mateo: She knew that, that you wanted her here. She's not stupid.

Hayley: It's just awful. I don't understand why she has to be so sad and alone.

Mateo: No, it's -- it's not sad. Your mother got more than she deserved. She got to see the baby. She took his hair, for God's sake.

Hayley: She was desperate.

Mateo: Hey, hey, hey --

Hayley: She was afraid that she may never see him again, so she wanted to take a memento.

Mateo: Don't make this into some type of greeting-card situation here. It was sick and twisted what she did, all right? She's not a nice person. And you would realize that if you weren't, you know --

Hayley: Ok, don't.

Mateo: Emotionally impaired.

Hayley: Don't even, don't go there.

Mateo: Well, you are.

Hayley: Look, I haven't forgotten all the horrible things she's done, ok, so don't --

Mateo: Well, then let's just forget them and we'll leave it there in the past, all right? That's what it is, it's the past. We have our own future to worry about. We've got important things to do. Like figure out what sport our kid's going to play. I was thinking baseball, soccer, hockey. You know, not at the same time. But if he played soccer, that'd make you a soccer mom. You think you can handle that?

Hayley: I don't know. Do you think I'm fat?

Mateo: Well, I think we need to get a bigger car, like a station wagon or SUV or something.

Hayley: Do you think I'm SUV fat?

Mateo: I think that we're going to have more than one kid, right?

Joe: So that's how you see it, huh? I just go along and take it and never get angry? My God, I could knock you right on your arrogant backside, telling me I gave David Hayward a pass! Where have you been, Tad? Are you blind? Are you deaf? How could you not know? I've done everything I could to get rid of that arrogant -- that son of a -- I'm the one who fired him! I'm the one who banned him from this hospital -- my decision! And I'd make that decision again if I only had a board to back me up! But you were there. You saw what happened! They didn't back me up. They turned on me! So now he's back on staff and there's nothing -- nothing -- I can do about it! And all that -- god, all that is bad enough! But now I got my own son rubbing my face in it!

Tad: He's down in reception right now and he's rubbing Jake's face in it. He thinks he won today. I intend to make sure he knows he's wrong.

Joe: Whoa, what are you trying to do that I couldn't do, huh? What are you going to do after you go after David Hayward? You going to go and beat up on old Palmer Cortlandt? And then go after the board members? What are you going to do? You got to face it -- the good guys lost this time! Accept it!

Tad: No, you mean give up. That's my problem -- my father taught me never to give up.

Dixie: Jake, this is David that you're talking to. This has got to be some sort of con.

Jake: I don't know. So how did you get your hooks on a Warneford chair, David?

David: I've been applying for years. They finally came through. We're talking a lot of money, Jake, not to mention prestige. And luckily, since I've been reinstated, I won't have to turn them down.

Dixie: And naturally you're just drooling. Jake isn't interested.

Jake: Let him finish, Dixie. So the funding for the chair -- is it open-ended?

David: Completely. We could work on whatever we like.

Jake: And if the work we did was groundbreaking --

David: Well, that's the whole point, my friend.

Jake: We could be eligible for the Warneford prize.

David: Ah, you see? Now your eyes light up.

Dixie: What's the Warneford prize?

Jake: Well, in the medical world, it's equivalent to a Nobel.

David: It recognizes work on the cutting edge. And you've dreamt about winning one.

Jake: I think more in terms of helping people, David. If I was honored for doing that, I wouldn't decline.

David: Well, that's good because an award this prestigious would bring more recognition, not to mention more funding, more opportunities.

Dixie: Wait, what are you guys talking about? You don't have any common goals.

David: Well, no, you see, now that's where you're wrong, Dixie. There's one thing that all good doctors share. It's a desire not just to cure illnesses but to prevent them in the first place.

Jake: That's right, but you didn't answer one question -- why me? I mean, if you're looking for an associate, there's plenty of doctors out there to choose from -- perhaps even one that likes you. So why do I get this special offer, David? What do you want from me?

Leo: Well? You going to tell me why you're here?

Laura: Well, why are you here?

Leo: I'm dropping off some tear sheets for Erica. She's been waiting to see them.

Laura: You knew about this?

Greenlee: Uh, it's right in my appointment book -- "L.D.P." And you're punctual. That's such an important thing in the business world.

Leo: Since when did you decide to stop by?

Greenlee: Oh, I think it was spur of the moment, which I don't have a problem with. Leo doesn't have to know where you are every minute, does he? Ooh -- or is there a rule about that?

Leo: "Rule"? What is she talking about? What is this?

Greenlee: You know -- the rules that you and Laura worked out, the du Pres commandments. Have you forgotten about them? Well, that's ok because I can fill you in. Laura's been coaching me.

Laura: Forget it, forget it. I'll tell you about it at home. It's a joke. It's not very funny, but you have to give her credit. Listen, I'm going to make you a special dinner tonight, so don't be late.

Leo: Ok, ok. Something's going on here, and I want to know what it is right now.

Greenlee: Hmm, I can take a hint. You two lovebirds need to be alone, so I'm going to get out of here. Would anyone care for a slice of pizza? No? Ok. Later, you two.

Laura: Leo, what is it? What's wrong?

David: You're absolutely right, Jake -- it would be nice to hire somebody who didn't actually hate my guts. And if I could find that someone, I would hire them over you in a heartbeat. But then another problem would be introduced -- they wouldn't have your qualifications. I've been watching you, Jake, and I've talked to the senior staff about you and we all agree we'd be hard-pressed to find a better diagnostician. That's why I would like to have you on my team. Here's some information on the Warneford chair. Why don't you take a look at it.

Dixie: Are you crazy? Jake, you're not seriously considering this offer. Jake, you despise the man.

Jake: She's right about that. Any thoughts on how we would work together, David? We don't even trust each other.

David: Why don't you do yourself a favor -- take a look at the brochure, then we could discuss how we could make this work. How does that sound?

Dixie: Jake --

David: You have a real talent, Jake. This is an opportunity for you to finally put it to work.

Dixie: Jake, don't do this.

[Pager beeps]

Jake: Listen, I got to run. We'll talk later.

David: Good. Dixie --

Dixie: No, don't even talk to me. I don't want to hear it.

Mateo: Angel.

Hayley: Huh?

Mateo: Angel. One of your fans thinks that we should call our kid Angel.

Hayley: I can't believe so many people took time out of their lives to write to us and suggest names for the baby.

Mateo: They wrote, they e-mailed, they called. You kidding me?

Hayley: It's amazing, not to mention the SOS name-the-baby jar. Here's one from there -- Courtney.

Mateo: For a boy?

Hayley: What do you have?

Mateo: Elvis.

Hayley: Elvis Santos?

Mateo: Nah, you're right.

Hayley: Uh-uh.

Mateo: How about Jonathan?

Hayley: Jonathan. That's not so freakishly abnormal. It's nice.

Mateo: Ah, I don't know, Jonathan.

Hayley: That's the problem -- you never know. We never know. We need a name.

Mateo: We'd better figure it out quick. What's-his-face is not going to work for Father Tony, you know?

Hayley: What's-his-face? From the Latin --

Nurse: Your baby still sound asleep?

Hayley: Mm-hmm.

Nurse: Good boy. Give your mama a break. You need to eat something, Hayley.

Hayley: Yeah, ok. Any word on when I'm getting sprung from this joint?

Nurse: Your doctor said soon.

Hayley: Soon? How soon?

Nurse: I'll let you know.

Hayley: "I'll let you know." Ok. Than.

Mateo: Thanks.

Hayley: "I'll let you know." That means "no way, Jose."

Mateo: You see? You're a natural. Going to be a great mom.

Hayley: How do you know?

Mateo: Well, because you know the code already.

Hayley: What code?

Mateo: Like when a mom says to a kid, "we'll see," it means --

Hayley: Oh, that means no.

Mateo: Mm-hmm.

Hayley: That's it. I hope you're right about being a natural.

Mateo: You're going to be a great mom. I know it.

Hayley: Really?

Mateo: Yeah. Now eat. I want you to make a good impression. Come on. Come on. You know, I can't wait for you guys to get home. I'll cook whatever you want. All right? Then we'll all watch TV together, we'll jump in bed.

Hayley: Oh. Ew.

Mateo: Come on, eat.

Hayley: No.

Mateo: No? I can't wait for you to see what I did to the nursery.

Hayley: You didn't get more stuff?

Mateo: I bought a few things.

Hayley: Mateo --

Mateo: No, just a few things, you know, like -- you want the applesauce?

Hayley: No. God, no.

Mateo: You don't want the applesauce? Ok, I'll have the applesauce.

Hayley: Oh, please.

Mateo: I got a rocking chair. I had to. I couldn't resist. I tried it out. I fell asleep, you know? I was practicing for those 4:00 A.M. feedings, you know, when it's my turn?

Hayley: When it's your turn?

Mateo: Yeah.

Hayley: As if I could ever wake you.

Mateo: I'll wake up.

Hayley: Uh-huh.

Mateo: I'll wake up. What, I don't wake up? No?

[Hayley sighs]

Hayley: I'm just sitting here trying to think about how -- how we're going to work it all out.

Mateo: Work what out? It's worked out. Everything's taken care of for you. I got my mom, I got my sister. They're going to help us out. The only thing you need to do is concentrate on getting stronger, all right, and resting. And then we'll have the biggest, the hugest christening party ever known.

Hayley: Ah. Christening. We've come full circle. See? Christening. If we're going to have a christening --

Mateo: Mm-hmm?

Hayley: We're going to need a name. I mean --

Mateo: I know, people keep on asking me, "what's your kid's name, what'd you call him?" You know, when I was, like, 6 or 7, I got this dog. I took one look at him. I knew exactly what to call him, just by seeing him. You know, the only problem was, the only question was whether it was "Goofe" with an E or "Goofy" with a Y.

Hayley: I figured it out.

Mateo: What?

Hayley: That's it. I figured out how we're going to name this baby.

Attendant: You've got to keep this fastened.

Arlene: Oh. Right.

Attendant: Never told me his name.

Arlene: Oh, my grandson? It's, uh, Charlie. Charlie Santos.

Attendant: Hey, Charlie.

Arlene: He's a good boy. His grandmother loves him very, very much. And someday he'll know that.

Laura: That whole thing about the rules -- that's just Greenlee trying --

Leo: I don't care about the dumb rules, Laura. I just want to know why you're doing this.

Laura: Doing what?

Leo: You're checking up on me.

Laura: I wasn't checking up on you.

Leo: No, you were checking up on me. And this stress can't be good for you. It's not good for your heart and it sure as hell isn't good for us.

Laura: I wasn't checking up on you.

Leo: Ok, what are you doing here?

Laura: I had to clear something up with Greenlee.

Leo: Greenlee -- how many times do I got to -- Greenlee is out of our life for good. Why don't you believe me?

Laura: I do.

Leo: Well, then why did you freak out when I walked in here?

Laura: I just -- I wasn't expecting you.

Leo: I had business here, Laura, that's all.

Laura: What is a tear sheet, anyway?

Leo: It's a copy of an ad, the way it'll look when it runs in a magazine. See?

Laura: Oh.

Leo: Yeah, "oh." Look, Laura, changing the subject isn't going to help. You have to trust me, we're in serious trouble.

Laura: I do trust you. And I love you and I don't want us to fight. It's just -- it's Greenlee I have a problem with.

Leo: You don't have any control over Greenlee and neither do I, so why don't we just let it go?

Laura: Is it that simple?

Leo: No, it's not that simple. It takes a lot of work. But I'll help you.

Laura: I know you will. You always do. Always. I still feel like this is a dream -- me finding you, you loving me.

Leo: It's not a dream. It's real. Ok? You just have to let it be real.

Laura: I will.

Greenlee: I just couldn't hold off. I was on the elevator, all alone, and I lost control. You know me -- no self-restraint. Where's the little wife?

Leo: She went home.

Greenlee: Hmm. Everything all smoothed over?

Leo: Look, I need you to signature these, Greenlee, so if you'd stop scarfing your face for a couple minutes, I'd appreciate --

Greenlee: You on a deadline?

Leo: Yeah, I'm on a deadline.

Greenlee: Bet you haven't had anything to eat. You don't know what you're missing. Go ahead, have a bite.

Leo: No, that's ok.

Laura: I know who I am and what is mine.

Greenlee: Ooh. Possessive. Interesting. How does Leo like that? He's such a free spirit, he gets suffocated so easily. No wonder he was outside in the middle of the night, all alone. Must get awful crowded in that bed of yours -- you, Leo, your colossal expectations.

Laura: You have no idea what goes on in my bedroom.

Greenlee: Quiet, convalescent sex. Boring.

Laura: You are sick, do you know that?

Greenlee: According to you, I'm sick and I'm a brat. Doesn't make me sound too appealing.

Laura: You aren't.

Greenlee: Gee, wonder why I can't keep the opposite sex when I have all those negative qualities.

Greenlee: Come on, come on, what, is it too hot for you? Ok, I'll blow on it.

Leo: Greenlee, why are you doing this?

Greenlee: I didn't do this, Leo. It was your fragile little wife, the control freak.

Leo: Oh.

Greenlee: She stormed in here with her little list of dos and don'ts -- well, mostly don'ts, come to think of it, because she's, it's say, a glass-is-half-empty kind of gal.

Leo: Could we please leave Laura out of this?

Greenlee: Better yet, why don't you both get out of my face? You could've sent these tear sheets over be messenger. Why didn't you? Is it possible that you can't stay away from me, Leo?

Leo: Ok, look, this wasn't my first choice, ok, Greenlee? You're the one who told me to come over here so you could -- you could give me any feedback if you had any. Well, you going to look at them or you just going to let them sit there all day?

Greenlee: The ads are fine.

Leo: Of course they are. You just wanted an excuse to see me.

Greenlee: Oh, would you get over yourself? I didn't ask for you specifically. I said, "just get me somebody from 'Tempo,'" just in case there was a problem. I can't afford to make any mistakes ok? I have to prove myself on this job.

Leo: Oh.

Greenlee: I didn't marry into it. It must be nice, getting reacquainted with the finer things. Although I must say, you know what -- the cheese on this is amazing. Here. Have a taste.

Leo: I know what you're doing, Greenlee.

Greenlee: Good.

Leo: And it's not going to happen.

Mateo: You have this look on your face like you want me to ask you something.

Hayley: Have you told Max yet that he has a new baby brother?

Mateo: No, I keep meaning to tell him. He's going to be excited. I just haven't had the time. You know, things keep coming up.

Hayley: I know.

Mateo: But I'll call him. I will call him, later on today.

Hayley: We could tell him together.

Mateo: Yeah. Like a conference call, right?

Hayley: No. I was think we could all fly to Texas together -- you, me, and the baby -- and that way max can meet his new brother in person.

Mateo: You want to do that?

Hayley: Well, sure. Why not? I mean, here's what I was thinking. We can't think of a name, right?

Mateo: Mm-hmm.

Hayley: Max could help us.

Mateo: Yeah, if we want our son called "Giganticus" or "Laser Boy" or something like that.

Hayley: Oh, I think he'd come up with something better than that, and he'd be so happy.

Mateo: I know, it'd make him so proud.

Hayley: Don't you miss him?

Mateo: Yeah.

Hayley: Well, so let's do it.

Mateo: Like right away?

Hayley: Why not?

Mateo: Well, you just had a baby, for starters. I mean, you're tired. You must be worn out. You got to rest.

Hayley: I'm -- I'm not tired, I'm not worn out. I'm -- I'm scared. My mind is racing all over the place and I just -- I want to do something to keep busy.

Mateo: Why are you scared? Your mom's gone, all right? She's not coming back. The baby's healthy. I know you're concerned about that.

Hayley: Yeah, but you didn't even know. See, I mean, that's the other thing. I didn't tell you about it. I'm afraid of keeping secrets.

Mateo: It was a one-time deal, come on.

Hayley: Yeah, like "I'll just have one drink."

Mateo: You're serious about this?

Hayley: I'm just -- I'm afraid of keeping secrets.

Mateo: Yeah.

Hayley: I mean, I've been thinking a lot about Max lately.

Mateo: Why?

Hayley: Because you didn't even know you had him.

Mateo: That's because Raquel didn't tell me.

Hayley: Right, she kept a secret.

Mateo: Right, but you would never do that.

Hayley: I wouldn't want to. I mean, I would try not to is all I'm saying. I don't want there to be anything -- anything -- that we're too afraid to tell each other. I mean, even if it's something that you -- something that you're scared of, something -- I don't want the to be any secrets between us.

Mateo: Same with you, same with you, ok? I want to know everything.

Hayley: Ok, deal?

Mateo: Deal.

Tad: Mr. Delaney, I am not trying to question your integrity. I just don't think you had all the facts when you voted to reinstate David Hayward. Well, then the board should meet again and you should rethink your position.

Joe: Tad?

Tad: Forget it, Dad. I meant what I said. I'm not about to drop this.

Joe: You're just going to antagonize every member of the board for no good reason.

Tad: If that's what it takes, yes.

[Joe sighs]

Dixie: Tad, Joe, I've been looking all over for you guys.

Tad: Why, what's wrong?

Dixie: You're not going to believe this. David offered Jake a job.

Tad: What?

Joe: What kind of job?

Dixie: Doing research. And it gets weirder. Jake didn't say no.

Tad: This is exactly what I was talking about. Getting back on staff was just the first step. Now Hayward's up to something bigger and better, and I guess it's up to me to stop it.

Joe: Tad, you come back here.

Dixie: Tad -- did I do that?

Joe: No, he did that. I'm just worried what he's going to do next.

Tad: I want to hear every single word that maniac said to you.

Jake: That was quick. Dixie told you about my offer.

Tad: Yeah, she did. She kind of figured that you would tell Hayward to take his job and shove it, but you didn't.

Jake: Didn't accept it, either, Tad.

Tad: Well, of course not. Why would you even consider it? Jake, listen to me, listen to me, that's like saying you'd be willing to work in hell and all they had to do was tell you they were going to turn up the air conditioning.

Jake: Thanks for having faith in me, Tad, but I know the difference between right and wrong.

Tad: Good, good, I'm glad to hear it. You just remember that there is no such thing as right with Hayward and there never will be.

Jake: Look, the guy just landed probably one of the biggest grants in medicine. If I do choose to work with him, I can do the research that I've always wanted to do.

Tad: Since when?

Jake: Since I have learned that my work is what keeps me going, Tad. So don't worry about Hayward, all right?

Tad: Jake --

Jake: Don't worry about it, I can deal with this guy.

Tad: Don't you see what he's doing here, ok? It's nothing. It's a scam. It's a way to get back at us big time.

Jake: Oh, that's right, and it's got to be a scam, huh? I couldn't have gotten a legitimate offer? I don't really deserve a chance. Excuse me.

Tad: With Hayward? See, that's a major consideration here. You'd be working with Hayward. The man has got a vendetta against our entire family. He hates our guts. He always will. All he wants to do is tear us apart, and he's off to a good start if he's gotten to you.

Jake: You're way out of line here. All right, Hayward won that round, you lost. Don't take it out on me, all right? I haven't accepted anything.

[Pager beeps]

Jake: Think I can be bought? I resent like hell that you even think that I can be bought.

Nurse: That was just right, Hayley, nice and steady. If he keeps that up, you won't have to supplement.

Hayley: Well, he doesn't seem to be slowing down.

Mateo: My turn, my turn. There you go. There you go.

[Baby coos]

Mateo: Ooh. Your mommy knows exactly what you need. That's right.

Nurse: So, you ready take him home?

Hayley: Are you kidding? When?

Nurse: How about right now?

Hayley: Don't toy with me. Do you mean it?

Nurse: Dr. Clader's signing you out. I'll be right back with the paperwork.

Hayley: Oh!

Mateo: Yeah.

Hayley: Thank you.

Hayley: Finally, home at last with my husband and you, my own little miracle.

Mateo: Yeah. Look at him.

Hayley: Did we remember to get a car seat?

Mateo: I got it. Everything's covered, ok? You just worry about getting better.

Hayley: Yes.

Mateo: When you'll feel better, we'll go to Texas and you can meet your big brother, Max.

Hayley: Who's the happiest boy in the world? Who's the happiest boy? Say, "I am. I'm the happiest." Yes, and I'm always going to make sure that you are the safest boy in the world. I promise, mommy is never, ever going to leave you alone. I promise.

Greenlee: Leo?

Leo: Greenlee? I said no and that's what I meant.

Greenlee: Fine. You said no because you're a decent guy. And you hate it that you want me, but you do.

Leo: Oh, you can read my mind now, is that it?

Greenlee: I don't have to. You want me so bad, you're breaking into a sweat. And you want everything you're not getting in that sickbed with your frigid wife.

Leo: Oh, you -- you know, Greenlee, you're not going to believe this, but I don't need or want anything that you have. As a matter of fact, I'm a lot happier now than I ever was with you.

Greenlee: Liar.

Leo: Oh, you think so?

Greenlee: Hmm. Only one way to find out. Why don't we make a little bet?

Leo: On what?

Greenlee: I bet that I can get you back in my bed before your three-month anniversary with your child bride.

[Leo laughs]

Leo: You are so -- you're so going to lose that bet. Yeah, count me in.

Greenlee: I knew you wouldn't say no. Never have and never will.

Greenlee: You're scared. That's why you were laughing.

Leo: No, I can't wait to see the look on your face when you lose.

Greenlee: Oh, you think I'm going to lose? Come on. You want me so bad, you can taste it. And, I mean, you're not getting anything from Laura, am I right? [As Laura] "Get that thing away from me, Leo! Oh, my God, my heart!"

Leo: That was Laura?

Greenlee: [Normal voice] Yes! Didn't you recognize the whining tone? [As Laura] "Leo!"

Leo: Oh, that -- Greenlee, you got to be kidding. That's Laura? You can't do any better than that?

Greenlee: [Normal voice] Well, you know, I was much better with my opal imitation. There's much more to work with. Zombie Laura isn't even a challenge.

Leo: "Zombie Laura"? Ok, Greenlee, that's lame. Please tell me that you can do better than that.

Greenlee: Yes, I can. And I'll even demonstrate the night I win our bet.

Hayley: Who is the greatest big boy? Say, "I am. I'm the greatest big boy." Yes, little sweet muffin. Guess what -- we're going to go to Texas. Yes, we are, to meet your big brother, Max. And guess what -- max is a real live cowboy. Yes, he is. He's going to let you play with all of his horsies. And that's not all they have in Texas. They have barbecues and rodeos and the Bush girls.

[Phone rings]

Hayley: Of course, they're a little old for you yet, but you never know.

Mateo: Hello? Hello? Hello?

["I've been working on the railroad" plays on touch-tones]

Mateo: Arlene? How did you know?

Hayley: Who was that?

Mateo: Just a wrong number.

Hayley: It was a wrong number. It was a wrong number! It was just a wrong number.

Tad: I have talked to the other members of the board. That's why I was hoping that you could convene on the meeting. No! No, that -- because that's what insurance is for! The hospital's got insurance, you can fight Hayward. I -- I have not -- don't hang up.

[Tad sees David with his hands on Joe's neck]

Tad: No!

>> On the next "All My Children" --

Greenlee: Call this turkey of a marriage what it is -- a sham. Just face it and move on.

Opal: Tell me this is not some out-of-body experience.

Bianca: Are you ok?

Tad: What is it? He's ok?

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