The TV MegaSite banner

Happy Holidays from The TV MegaSite!
Check out our

Holiday Gift Guide!



Welcome to The TV MegaSite's Smallville Site!

Please click on the menus above to browse through our site!


The TV MegaSite--TV Is Our Life (Logo)
(Best viewed in IE or Netscape 6 and above)

This is just an unofficial fan page, we have no connection to the show or network.

Smallville Transcripts


First aired October 19th, 2006

Lois and The Green Arrow

Provided by Suzanne
Proofread by Jeff


[[ Soft piano music playing]]


Lionel: Here you are, my lady.

Martha: Thank you. It's beautiful, but I feel self-conscious even borrowing it.

Lionel: It shouldn't stay hidden in the Luthorcorp safe. It needs to be worn for the very first time on the neck of a beautiful woman. It's perfect, Martha. But now it's time to meet the moneybags of Metropolis. You'll need them to fund your bid for the United States Senate.

Oliver Queen: Okay, now, remember, this a party.

Lois: I know. I know. Stay away from religion, politics, and bad dye jobs.

Mr. Westcott: Ollie! We haven't seen you in such a long time.

Oliver Queen: Hello.

Mrs. Westcott: Hi, Oliver.


Oliver Queen: Uh, Mr. Westcott and his wife, Candice. I'd like to introduce you to Lois Lane.

Lois: Hey.

Mr. Westcott: Simon Westcott. It's my pleasure.

Lois: Likewise. So, I wanted to tell you that I thought you were so eloquent at the Congressional indictment hearings. Sorry aboutyour oil tanker. I'd hate to be a pelican in that harbor, huh?


Oliver Queen: Well, we're gonna go. That's our cue, so... I guess I forgot to add public humiliation to the list of cocktail-party don'ts. I'm gonna go get us a drink, okay? You just wait here, and don't talk to anybody, okay?

[[ Glass dings ] ]

Lionel: I'd like to thank you all for coming tonight. I hope you're having a splendid time and that you've had a chance to reconnect with some old friends. Right now, though, I'd like to introduce you to someone who I hope will be a new friend, a valuable new friend, someone I'm sure you'll be glad to have on your side. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce to you our Kansas State Senator and your future United States Senator, Martha Kent.


[[ Applause ] ]

Lois: Whoo-hoo!

Martha: Thank you very much.

[[ Lights go out ] ]

Crowd: Aah! Aah!

Oliver Queen: Thank you.

Lois: Hey! Excuse me.

[[ Screaming ] ]

Lois: Hey! Give me the necklace.

Oliver Queen: You forgot to say "please."

Lois: I couldn't I.D. The guy, but he didn't exactly stick around to chat.


Safetex Security Officer: You told Mr. Luthor that you almost caught the guy. Yet you expect me to believe you didn't see anything?

Lois: Look, Lionel Luthor pays Safetex, what, a gazillion dollars for personal security? So don't blame me if you let a boy scout with an archery badge crash his party.

Oliver Queen: Okay. I think Miss Lane's made her point. Wouldn't you say? She'll call you if she remembers anything. Evening.

Oliver Queen: So what aren't you telling him?

Lois: I just nabbed the story of my life. William Tell's not the only one who walked away with a serious party favor.


Assistant: Mr. Queen.

Clark: My mom told me you were here.

Lois: Smallville, it's almost midnight.

Oliver Queen: Smallville? You're Clark Kent?

Clark: You must be Oliver Queen.

Oliver Queen: Yeah. [ Chuckles ] This is funny. You know, the way Lois talked about you, I thought you were gonna be a little bit more of a --


Lois: I could use some water.

Clark: Little more what?

Oliver Queen: Well...

Clark: Of a geek?

Lois: Well, you're not exactly jumping the velvet ropes at nightclubs, so...

Clark: It's really nice to see that Lois has found someone who can overlook her personality.

Oliver Queen: Oh, don't worry about it, Clark. If I lived under the same roof with such a beautiful woman, I probably would've mask my feelings in sarcasm, too. [ Chuckles ]

Lois: Feelings?

Clark: Feelings?

Lois: A little advice, Freud Jr., There -- stick with your day job.


Clark: The only reason I'm here is to get that necklace back. Last thing I want is for my mom to be indebted to Lionel Luthor.

Oliver Queen: Yeah, well, I mean, she should've thought of that before she accepted his help with her fundraising. Oh, and if you're really championing the cause of pick-pocketed billionaires, you might want to add a few more to the list.

Clark: What, are you saying that Lionel Luthor's not the only victim?

Oliver Queen: Over a dozen of Metropolis' who's whos have been hit recently.


Clark: Good, then there's some leads.

Oliver Queen: Not if all the victims were as uncooperative as Lionel Luthor. You find it interesting that he never called the police?

Lois: Okay, if you boys are done marking your territory, which, for clarification, is not me, I have a front-page article that's missing a few key details. Good night, boys. Now play nice.

[[ Panting ] ]

Lex: What was with that sprint up the last hill?

Lana: I always suspected you couldn't handle me.

Lex: Dr. Groll. Did we have a meeting?

Dr. Groll: No, I just need a few words with you... in private.

Lex: You can say anything in front of Miss Lang.

Dr. Groll: It's about the device.

Lex: Please.

Lana: Where'd you get that?


Lex: I found it. And I asked Dr. Groll to figure out what it was.

Dr. Groll: Some kind of power source beyond anything developed on earth. If we could understand the technology, it could potentially solve the planet's energy crisis.

Lex: Well, for someone on the verge of saving the world, your enthusiasm seems tempered.

Dr. Groll: There is one risk. If it fell into the wrong hands...

Lana: It could be used as a weapon. So, if it's so dangerous, shouldn't you hand it in to the government?

Lex: Then he'd lose any chance at a Nobel Prize. Isn't that right, Dr. Groll?

Dr. Groll: What do you want me to do?

Lex: Every breakthrough has its challenges. Keep working.

Dr. Groll: Very well.

Lois: Hey.

Chloe: Let me guess. You need help researching your next article.

Lois: Yeah, the Inquisitor's search engine consists of a highlighter and the yellow pages.


Chloe: Does Mrs. Kent know that you're still moonlighting on her?

Lois: Are you kidding me? I've got this double-identity thing down. And besides, I told her all about it this morning.

Chloe: All right. So what's the story worth bringing out the alter Lois?

Lois: Actually, you know, now that we're both in the same biz, I probably shouldn't be leaking my story.

Chloe: I can't believe you don't trust me.

Lois: It's not all of you I don't trust. It's just one little side of you.

Chloe: Lois, I'm not gonna scoop your story. But watching you bumble through our database is like watching Clark try and dance. Come on, Lois, tell me what you got.

Lois: Okay. I scooped this off the scumbag before he ran away. There's some writing on the inside, but it's too faded to make out.

Chloe: Yeah, this could take a little while.

[[ An arrow strikes, emitting fumes that knock them out. The Green Arrow retrieves the lost ring. ]]

Lionel: Well, I haven't seen you since the world was falling down around us. And I hear you have got yourself a new landlord.

Lana: I assume that Lex told you we were together.

Lionel: Mmm.


Lana: Mr. Luthor, if you called me here to discuss my relationship with Lex --

Lionel: Oh, that would be wildly inappropriate, wouldn't it? Unless, of course, you consider that the last time you and I spoke, we were discussing which one of us was going to kill Lex.

Lana: He wasn't himself.

Lionel: But you were -- completely yourself. And unless I'm mistaken, the discussion was due to the fact that Lex -- please, sit down -- was obsessed with a piece of alien technology infinitely too dangerous for any of us to comprehend. Does this sound familiar to you at all?

Lana: Mr. Luthor, this is all behind us now.

Lionel: Ah, well, it's obvious that any trust you have for me only works in times of crisis. But we both know, Miss Lang, that the crisis is far from over. Lex salvaged that piece of technology.

Lana: Why do you think I moved into the mansion?

Lionel: Please tell me.

Lana: Mr. Luthor, I care about Lex.

Lionel: Mmm.


Lana: But part of being with him is protecting Lex from himself. I'm not naive. I know that comes with the territory.

Lionel: Well, apparently Lex has finally found his equal. But watching over him? That is not enough. Miss Lang... Lex is using every resource available to him to unlock the mystery of that Pandora's Box that he somehow managed to get a hold of. Once he opens it and unleashes whatever is in it to the world... [ Sighs ] Well, we may not be lucky enough to close it this time.

Lana: What do you think we should do?

Lionel: Destroy it.

Oliver Queen: "The Green Arrow Bandit." It doesn't really roll off the tongue. This guys steals your boss's necklace, and then gasses you and your cousin, all within a 24 hour period? I'd say he's got a thing for you.

Lois: Well, when you're my editor, I'll remember to care what you think.


Oliver Queen: You know that whole sugar-and-spice thing? It never really took with you, did it?

Lois: Look. Green Arrow, green eggs and ham -- it doesn't really matter what I call this guy. I'm gonna have his face plastered all over the front page soon enough.

Oliver Queen: Well, unless I'm missing something, without that ring, you're not nearly as close to this guy as you claim to be.

Lois: Yeah, that. Well, I might have stretched the truth just a little.

Oliver Queen: [ Laughs ] Okay, well, you know, it's a good thing that the Inquisitor doesn't pride itself on integrity. Listen, I don't like the idea of you dangling yourself out as bait in front of this guy, you know? I mean, anyone after the Green Arrow's gonna come after you.


Lois: Anyone after the Green Arrow is a friend of mine, and I will be sitting front and center with them when they lock this guy up.

Oliver Queen: Wouldn't want you on my jury.

Lois: Meaning...

Oliver Queen: Well, you know, I thought we did away with the "shoot first, ask questions later" mentality with covered wagons.


Lois: Oh, come on. Don't tell me you're some kind of bleeding-heart pacifist.

Oliver Queen: And that's worse than a knee-jerk fascist? All right. Forget about this guy for the weekend. I can have you in Cancun in time for the sunset tonight, sipping margaritas. What do you say?

Lois: Mmm. Well, as much as I would love to be your beach bimbo, the only person I'm gonna be spending the weekend with is into leather and has a perverted fetish for archery.

Lionel: And why is that? [ Laughs ] Oh, I understand. Thank you. Clark. What a good surprise. What brings you up here?

Clark: My mom was pretty shaken up after the party.

Lionel: Oh, yeah, I know. But in spite of the impromptu entertainment, your mother made a terrific impression on some very influential people.

Clark: She wasn't the only one.


Lionel: Walk me to my car, will you? Don't worry, Clark. My security team is making a very thorough investigation.

Clark: Unlike the police?

Lionel: [ Laughs ]

Clark: Tell me, why wouldn't you report something that valuable if it was stolen?

Lionel: Well, I'd rather not let the entire city know that I'm a sitting duck for some acrobatic archer. It's not wise to advertise our vulnerabilities, is it, Clark?

Clark: You're talking about some very expensive vulnerabilities.

Lionel: Ooh, Fabergé Egg. Bishop's Miter, 14th century. This is big stuff.

Clark: Not the kind of stuff you find in your local pawn-shop window.


Lionel: Here's something that might interest you, unless you've noticed this already. There's only one name on the Safetex client list that hasn't been hit already. I don't want to be late. You find it, huh?

[[ On a rooftop above Metropolis, the Green Arrow fires an arrow across to a second building, then uses the cable between the buildings to repel across. Once inside the secure building, he uses a gem-tipped arrow to dispense with the laser security and calmly retrieves the necklace he is after. ]]

Clark: Who are you?

Oliver Queen: Haven't you read? I'm the Green Arrow.

Clark: Well... I hope you enjoyed your cult status while it lasted.

Oliver Queen: I think you're taking the whole neighborhood-watch thing a bit too seriously.

[[ Alarm ringing ] ]

Oliver Queen: That was fun. Looks like I'm not the only one with a secret. I hate to break it to you, tough guy, but you're on the wrong side.

Clark: I'm not sure the police would agree.

Oliver Queen: Look around you, Beav. The days of the good guy running the show are over.

[[ The Green Arrow fires an arrow meant to disable Clark, which Clark easily catches. When a security guard enters, the Green Arrows fires a second stun arrow, dropping the man. ]]

Security Guard: Ugh!

[[ As Clark attends to the security guard, the Green Arrow escapes. ]]

Dr. Groll: Evening. Miss Lang, what are you doing?

Lana: Lionel Luthor knows about the black box, and he is willing to do anything to get his hands on it.

Dr. Groll: And you think I'm working with him?

Lana: Not yet. But trust me, when he approaches you - and he will - Lionel is going to make you an offer that is hard to resist. No matter what the bribe, you will come to us before you breathe a word to Lionel Luthor.

Dr. Groll: With all due respect, I work for Lex and not his girlfriend.


Lana: I'm not interested in your respect, Dr. Groll. I'm much more interested in your 14 years of employment here, your two girls that are now in prestigious prep schools, that new home that you just built on Sparling Lane. You have a pretty wonderful life.

Dr. Groll: Are you threatening me?

Lana: Well, it just came to my attention that if the government or your colleagues were to find out that you were secretly testing alien weapons, this life that you have worked so hard for may take an unfortunate turn.

Chloe: So, how'd you let this guy slip through your fingers?

Clark: This Green Arrow Bandit's got a lot of gadgets.

Chloe: Gadgets? Against the Man of Steel?

Clark: He's good, all right?

Chloe: Fine -- backing off. The Green Arrow Bandit? Is that really the name Lois came up with? If you ask me, I'd lose the "Bandit," but - not my story.

Clark: You know, with your competitive streak, I'm surprised you forfeited this one to Lois.


Chloe: Ha! Competition? Lois? I'm chalking this one up to pro bono.

Clark: Yeah, right.

Chloe: Okay, so idle hands aren't really my thing. I got the Safetex report on the arrows. They're made from an advanced titanium alloy that is untraceable.

Clark: What about the ring?

Chloe: None of the shots I scanned on my computer came out to have a clean image. However, I may have forgotten to mention to Lois that my computer is compiling them to render a new one.


Lois: [ On the phone ] Look, you can tell the mail room to stop forwarding these bogus claims. Well, I highly doubt the Green Arrow is going to out himself on a Hello Kitty notepad. Yeah, thanks.

[[ As she gets off the phone, she sees 2 thugs in her apartment and struggles to get away from them, managing to make a phone call to Chloe. ]]

Lois: Ugh!

[[ Cellphone rings ] ]

Chloe: Lois, hey.

Lois: Aah! Chloe! Aah! Chloe, help!

Chloe: Clark, she's in trouble.

[[ Knock on door ] ]

Oliver Queen: Lois?

Clark: Looks like someone took her.

Oliver Queen: Took her, what are you talking about? Who would do that?

Clark: Isn't it obvious? The Green Arrow.

Oliver Queen: What makes you think he'd have anything to do with this?

Clark: He's wanted all over town for armed robbery. Lois is the one who publicly threatened to unmask the guy. I guess he doesn't live by a code of honor.


Oliver Queen: Because it's not the same as yours? Maybe if you were as interested in finding out about this guy as you were in catching him, you wouldn't have realized that everything he's stolen so far has been bought off the black market.

Clark: You're saying Lionel's necklace is --

Oliver Queen: Yeah. That's exactly what I'm saying. You've been on this hunt to return it to its original thief.

Clark: You think Lionel took her?

Oliver Queen: I think there are a lot of people out there that would go to any length to catch the Green Arrow.

[[ Cellphone playing music ] ]

[[ Cellphone beeps ] ]

Oliver Queen: I gotta go.

Clark: [ On the phone. ] Chloe, it's too late. There's no sign of her.

Chloe: Well, I might have something that will help -- the image from the ring finally rendered, and I'm sending it to you right now. It's a family crest. The only problem is ye old crest-makers weren't very creative. I mean, there's thousands of them, and they're all practically identical. It's gonna take me a little while to track this one down.


Clark: I've seen this before.

Chloe: Clark? Hello? Hello?

[ Clark arrives in Oliver Queen's apartment, recognizing the crest from Chloe's image. He walks up to one of the walls of the apartment and reveals a huge sliding door. Behind the door is a huge assortment of archery equipment and gadgets. On a table is an assortment of newspaper articles detailing the exploits of the Green Arrow. On an overhead monitor, an electronic voice reveals what was on Oliver's PDA - that Lois' position was being tracked and she is being held at the SafeTex facility. ]

Lois: Let me go!

Man: Shut up!

Lois: [ Muffled screaming ] Get your hands off me!

Lois: [ Coughing, gasping ]

Safetex Thug: How much do you know about the Green Arrow?

Lois: I should have known he wouldn't have the stones to face me in person. No! Aah!

[[ The two thugs grab Lois and dunk her into a tub of water. ]]

Lois: [ Coughing ]


Safetex Thug: You know who he is! Give me a name. What did you see?

[[ Lois spits in the thugs face and they pick her up again, again dunking her into the tub of water. ]]

Safetex Thug: Who's the Green Arrow?

Lois: Bandit -- Green Arrow Bandit. And like you don't know. That Errol Flynn wanna-be put you guys up to this.

Safetex Security Officer: That's enough. This Bandit... has made a joke of the firm I've worked my life to build. He's walked off with more than $30 million from my clients.

Lois: Then why am I the one with bruises on my knees right now?

Safetex Security Officer: Because you splashed my humiliation across the front page of the paper, and now you're going to help me rectify that.

Lois: I don't know who he is.

[[ Lois is again dunked into the water, this time long enough to lose consciousness. ]]

Safetex Security Officer: She doesn't know anything. Kill her.

Safetex Security Officer: Ugh! Aah!

[[ The thug fires a shot at Lois, which is intercepted by an arrow mid-flight. The Green Arrow swings in to take out the 2 thugs and the SafeTex owner, then gathers up Lois and uses a grappling hook to pull them up to the roof of the building. ]]

Lex: I didn't know blackmail was one of your talents.

Lana: Lex, um, I know I went behind your back, but I wanted to do this my way. And if you're mad --

Lex: Actually, I'm impressed. I never had anyone try to protect me like that.


Lana: Lex, we have a serious problem -- your father. He isn't gonna stop until he gets that black box away from you.

Lex: Because he's afraid of what I'll do. What about you? Is there a part of you that wonders the same thing?

Lana: No. I believe in you. But, Lex, there is something that I haven't been completely honest with you about. I knew the box was a weapon.

Lex: If the box is that dangerous, you want me to shut the project down, don't you?

Lana: No. Lex, it might be the only thing that will save us from them next time.

Lois: [ Groans ]

Oliver Queen: Are you okay?

Lois: No thanks to you.

Oliver Queen: I saved you.

Lois: Yeah -- from goons who were trying to find you. They're not the only one with a "v" for vendetta on your little leather ass.

Oliver Queen: Little? I've been really working the glutes lately, too.


Lois: Did the humor come with the costume?

Oliver Queen: Did the "tomb raider" routine come from wanting daddy's attention?

Lois: Oops. Guess my aim's a little rusty. Now... let's take off those glasses and unveil our prince of thieves, shall we?

[[ As Lois reaches for his hood, Clark arrives and uses his heat vision to cause a distraction for the Green Arrow to escape, then races down to confront Oliver Queen who is riding away on his motorcycle. ]]

[[ Engine revving ] ]

Clark: Oliver Queen, you owe me one.

Oliver Queen: That was you on the roof? Why'd you let me get away?

Clark: I'm not sure Lois would understand why her new boyfriend leads a double life.


Oliver Queen: Or why one of her best friends does the same thing? I think we're even.

Clark: We'll be even when you return what you stole from Lionel.

Clark: Chloe, what's all the buzz?

Chloe: Seven stolen artifacts were anonymously returned to the Met, the Tate, and the Louvre. Looks like you've got some friendly competition in the knight-in-shining-armor arena.

Clark: The guy does a couple good things, and he goes from villain to hero overnight?

Chloe: Clark, every time he strikes some corrupt tycoon, an anonymous donation to some charity mysteriously appears the next day.

Clark: You don't care how many laws are broken to get it there?

Chloe: Well, I guess that's just the price of justice. I mean, if you ask me, he's a modern-day Robin Hood. That still doesn't mean I'm not dying to find out who he is, though. Oh, hey, I never heard back from you after I sent you the picture of that crest.

Clark: I kind of ran into a dead end.


Chloe: That's funny. So did I. All my files on the ring are gone... including the backup files -- Clark?

Clark: Just don't look into him, Chloe.

Chloe: You know who he is, don't you?

Clark: As a favor to me, please don't.

Chloe: And he knows who you are. Well, I guess there's some sort of secret code of honor among superheroes.

Oliver Queen: What do we have here?

Lois: Yeah, not bad for a rookie, huh?

Oliver Queen: That's really incredible. You know you have every newspaper in the country calling this guy the Green Arrow. He's got a real following.

Lois: Yeah, well, so did Charles Manson.


Oliver Queen: I know this is a rare moment for you, but maybe you're overreacting. It's not like this guy's a killer.

Lois: Ollie, he's a threat to Metropolis, and I'm not gonna stop until I find out who he is. Trust me. You don't know the Green Arrow like I do.

Lex: [ Sighs ] Not thatI'd ever question your theatrical skills...

Lionel: [ Laughs ]

Lex: ...But you really had Lana convinced. Thank you, Dad.

Lionel: Just following the script -- the script that you gave me, son. But, you know, if you really want to have an honest relationship with Lana, you should stop testing her.


Lex: Oh. Well, I had to be sure.

Lionel: [ Laughs ]

Lex: Another important lesson you taught me -- the greater the trust, the greater the betrayal.

Lionel: All right, Lex. What do I have to do to prove to you that I want to be a part of your life?

Lex: Part of my life or part of the project? I would never have told you about the box if you hadn't already known. But that's as close as you're ever gonna get to it.

Lionel: All right. All right. So what makes you think that I won't tell Lana Lang about the obstacle course you set up for her if I'm so untrustworthy?

Lex: Because you've put so much effort into fooling the Kents that you're a good man, you're starting to believe it yourself.

Oliver Queen: I didn't realize I was such a fascinating subject. You've been reading up on me. You and Lois ought to start a fan club.

Clark: You gonna tell her?


Oliver Queen: I don't know, Clark. You know, you seem to be doing a pretty good job skating by with this farm-boy charade.

Clark: You can't be with someone unless they know who you really are. Trust me, I've tried.

Oliver Queen: You lost her to Lex. Is that why you hate me, Clark? 'Cause I'm just another silver-spoon-fed rich boy, is that it? Or is it because I'm not willing to play the martyr like you?

Clark: You can play this game as long as you want. But sooner or later, you're gonna hurt her. You know that.


Oliver Queen: Well, you seem to have all the answers. So I guess it's a good thing I've decided to put this into safer hands. For the record, Lionel bought that off a notorious Bosnian warlord, used it to launder Luthercorp money.

Clark: So why give it to me?

Oliver Queen: Well, you seem to have a crystal-clear idea of what's right and what's wrong. You decide who it belongs to.

Clark: It's not as clear as it used to be. You really think it's right to steal, as long as it goes to a good cause?

Oliver Queen: That the end justifies the means? Absolutely, yes.

Clark: I'll never feel that way. You said you didn't owe me one, so why are you really here?

Oliver Queen: Clark, you have abilities I couldn't even dream of. And I admire that you use them to save the people you're close to.

Clark: But?


Oliver Queen: But there's a whole world of people out there, Clark. They need us. With your potential... you can't wait for them to come to you. When you're ready to do something about that... you let me know.


Main picture from

Back to Smallville Transcripts Page

Back to the Main Smallville Page

Free cursors for MySpace at!


Updated 10/22/06  


We don't read the guestbook very often, so please don't post QUESTIONS, only COMMENTS, if you want an answer. Feel free to email us with your questions by clicking on the Feedback link above! PLEASE SIGN-->

View and Sign My Guestbook Bravenet Guestbooks


Stop Global Warming!

Click to help rescue animals!

Click here to help fight hunger!
Fight hunger and malnutrition.
Donate to Action Against Hunger today!

Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign
Join the Blue Ribbon Online Free Speech Campaign!

Click to donate to the Red Cross!
Please donate to the Red Cross to help disaster victims!

Support Wikipedia

Support Wikipedia    

Save the Net Now

Help Katrina Victims!