Normally I wouldn't waste my time with a college freshman groveling for
Chloe: Well, thank you, Miss Kahn.
Pauline: : Bitterman?
Bitterman: Yeah, Chief?
Pauline: Where's that piece on Senator Jennings?
Bitterman: Oh, I - I- I'm typing it up.
Pauline: I don't see your fingers moving. Twenty minutes
or they'll be twiddling over the want ads.
Bitterman: Of course, chief.
Pauline: Where was I?
Chloe: The internship.
Pauline: Oh, right right right right. You didn't get it.
Chloe: What? Uh, well, then, why am I here?
Pauline: Curiosity. It's the backbone of any decent
reporter. Have you got backbone, Sullivan?
Chloe: Yeah, I...
Pauline: You had a column here a couple of years ago, didn't
Chloe: When I was in high school.
Pauline: Well, that is quite an accomplishment, to have your
own byline when you're practically still in diapers. I mean, a lot of
reporters -- well, real reporters -- work for years struggling before
they can get that kind of a chance. I just wanted to meet the kid
that could pull that off.
Pauline: Oh, well...don't thank me. Thank Lionel Luthor.
He's the one who arm-twisted the old chief editor into dropping your
juvenile pablum into this paper.
Chloe: I didn't ask Lionel to do that.
Pauline: Well, you didn't say no, either, did you? Then
you must have done something to piss Lionel off because he got you
fired. I remember that day. I believe we had cake.
Chloe: Miss Kahn, I don't expect to be given a column like last
time. I'm willing to start from the bottom and work my way up
without any help or arm-twisting. All I want is the opportunity to
prove myself. Being a part of this world, working at the Daily
Planet, it's -- it's always been my dream.
Pauline: Well, we all have to wake up sometime, don't we,
Sullivan? By the way, we don't validate.
Chloe: You know what, Miss Kahn? I know you may be
editor-in-chief now, but even you had to start somewhere, and I am not
going to give up until I get the same chance.
Pauline: I started by being a damn good reporter. You
want a break? Bring me a story.
Chloe's Narration: Okay, let's stop for a second. In case
you can't tell, I was completely freaked out. Pauline Kahn had
thrown down the gauntlet. The woman had two Pulitzers. I had
a high school service plaque and absolutely no idea where my big
story was gonna come from. Little did I know that ten city blocks
away, it was about to bite me
in the ass. Well, more like the neck, but we'll get
to that later.
Chloe's Narration: Welcome to the Tri-Psi Sorority House.
I think that's Greek for "bimbos, bikinis and beer".
Boy: Pete's Pizza Delivery in 28 minutes, piping -- hot.
Girls: Oh my God, we are so starving. Let's eat in the
(both giggling) (laughter)
Boy: I have two more stops.
Girl: Can't stay? Just for a little bit?
Girl: Hmm? Please?
Boy: Well, um, maybe just for a minute. What about your
Girl: You taste so much better than pepperoni. (laughs)
Boy: Ahhh! ahh! (screams)
[knock on door]
Clark: Singing telegram. Hey.
Lana: Clark, hi.
Clark: [chuckles] I just wanted to come by and surprise myself.
What's all this?
Lana: This is me packing.
Clark: Packing for what?
Lana: For college. I, uh -- I got late acceptance to Met
Clark: Congratulations. Why didn't you tell me you
applied to Met U.?
Lana: Because I didn't want to get my hopes up. You know,
I applied so late, I didn't think I had any chance.
Clark: With your grades, they'd be crazy not to accept you.
Lana: Well, I got in just under the wire. There aren't
even any dorm rooms left any more.
Clark: Where you gonna stay?
Lana: I can crash at Chloe's, but maybe I'll try a sorority. I
know how it sounds, but it's the only housing near the campus I have any
shot of getting into.
Clark: You know, Central Kansas University has plenty of
housing still available, and...
Lana: ...And they have you. But they don't have any of
the course that I'm really interested in, especially astronomy.
It's not gonna be that bad. We'll talk to each other on the phone
all the time. Don't worry. Nothing's gonna change between
Welcome to the most prestigious and exclusive sorority at Metropolis
University. We are the richest. We are the prettiest.
We are the best. Over the next few days, many of you will leave
disappointed. But if you're insanely cool and very, very, lucky,
you might just be chosen to be a Tri-Psi. And if that happens,
it'll change your life...forever.
Chloe: Meet Buffy Sanders. President of the Tri-Psi
Sorority. By the way, I changed the names to protect the vapid.
Milton: In the final days of the Roman Empire, wealth and power
were the only things the emperor coveted. What about the good
citizens of Rome? What did they do? Did they rise up, burn their bras
and their draft cards? No. They went to the Coliseum.
They stood idle while an evil man destroyed their world. In your
lifetime, each of you may be faced with a similar situation. The
question is -- will you leave your footprints on the history of time? Or
let them be washed away by the tides of more powerful men? Mr.
Kent...what about you?
Clark: Me? I, uh --
Milton: Luthorcorp practically owns your home town, Smallville.
What if you found out that Lex Luthor, the emperor of the company, was a
dangerous, unstable, megalomaniac bent on destroying your world? Would
you have the courage to try to stop him?
I, uh --
[Period Buzzer rings]
Milton: Read chapter three for Monday. There'll be a quiz on
Lex [claps]: Interesting lecture you've been giving, Professor.
Milton: I hope you've been taking notes.
Lex: Ah, just the highlights. You've been painting me as
a poster child for corporate villainy. Some of the things you say
come dangerously close to libel.
Milton: It's only libel if it isn't true. Everything I
say in this classroom's supported by my research.
Lex: Into me.
Milton: You are a fascinating subject.
Lex [chuckles]: You wanna know what fascinates me, Professor?
Your lectures have included speculation in certain Luthorcorp projects
that aren't even public knowledge.
Milton: I'm sorry, but I never speculate. The study of
history is built on meticulous research...even before coming to obvious
conclusions. [briefcase locks snap]
And, would uh, one of your research sources by Clark Kent? I know you
hired him as your assistant.
Milton: Now... why would a man of your stature be so concerned
with the comings and goings of a Freshman farm boy?
Lex: If you know so much about me, Professor, I'm sure you
realize that I donate a considerable amount of funding to this
university. That allows me an unusual level of access to the Dean
and the academic review board.
Milton: Yeah, I know. The buying of influence is part of
my second semester
Lex: If you have a second semester.
Buffy: You should all be very proud. The four of you were
amazing during rush week. Like little
diamonds in the rough, just waiting to be polished. But, not
everyone is Tri Psi material. It's bad, but it's a fact.
Carol...Bobby...Susan, please step forward. The three of you were
really great! But great isn't enough for a Tri Psi. A Tri
Psi has to be excellent all over. Bye, now.
Lois: W-Wait a minute. You mean that I'm in?
Buffy: Lana, come on. You're amazing. Of course we
want you to be one of us.
Lana: Wow. [chuckles] Um, thank you.
But there is just this little initiation thing that we have to do first.
Lana: What the Hell are you?
Buffy: We're Tri-Psi's. We're the hottest vampires ever.
Welcome to the sisterhood.
Milton: Nice shot.
Lex: Hey, you just have to know the angles.
Milton: That's why you've been looking into my past?
Lex: Come on, Professor. You're not the only one
interested in history, are you?
You don't strike me as that much of an academic type.
Lex: What's this?
Milton: I know you're a busy man. I thought I'd save you
some time. That's my whole life in there. Every record,
every achievement, every failure. All the way back to the day I
Lex: And I'm supposed to just swallow all of this?
Milton: You wouldn't be the great Lex Luthor if you did.
No, you'll spend a fortune checking and rechecking...convinced what you
believe must be true.
Lex: And, uh...what is it I believe, Professor?
Milton: That everyone is hiding secrets as dark as yours.
Lex: How did you get this?
Milton: Just used my brain. It's an interesting document,
isn't it? It seems to indicate you're using funding to the
university to conduct questionable Luthorcorp experiments...on
campus...but off the campus books. I wonder what the Dean would
think about that? Never start a game you can't win. Mr.
Lex: Follow him.
Guard: With pleasure, sir.
Chloe: What are you doing?
Karen: I'm redecorating.
Chloe: Karen, this is my side of the room.
Karen: Yeah, but I gotta look at it, okay? Now listen to me. I did
not spend four years of high school misery, dreaming about coming to Met
U....for this, okay?
Chloe: But I didn't --
Karen: No, okay? And while we're on the subject of
Can you please tell this [speaking Spanish] over here this isn't the
Betty Ford Clinic, okay? I'm gonna go now.
Chloe: I'd rather be roommates with a two-headed monkey.
All right, Lana -- rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty. Up and at 'em.
Chloe's Narration: Okay, for someone with a keen weird-ar, I
can't believe I did not see the signs. But I defy anyone to tell
the difference between a nascent vampire and a Freshman girl with a
Chloe: Didn't you have class this morning?
Lana: I must have overslept.
Chloe: Wow. First official day on campus and you're
already hung over. Maybe you really are sorority material.
Clark: Is Lana here?
Chloe: Hey. Yeah, what's left of her. Pledge party
-- higher learning at its best. Maybe you should see if you can
breathe some life into her. I'll be at the library, researching
ways to kill my roommate.
[Lana inhales sharply]
Clark: Rough night last night?
Lana: I guess. It's all a little fuzzy.
Clark: Well, it must have been some party. I, uh, tried
to call you a few times last night and again this morning. Did you
get any of my messages?
Lana: No, I haven't checked my voice mail yet.
Clark: Lana, are you okay?
Lana: Uh-huh. I'm just... feeling a bit dead.
[sniffs] God. You smell amazing. Is that new aftershave?
Clark: No, it's just the...the usual.
Lana: Well, maybe we should try something unusual.
Clark: Lana, I--
Lana: Shut up, Clark. You talk too much.
Clark: Lana -- Lana -- Lana, stop. What's going on
Lana: We're not in high school any more, Clark. Things
Clark: I can see that.
Lana: We're in college now. Live a little -- I plan to.
Clark: What does that mean?
Lana: It means exactly what I said. If you're going to be
all needy and insecure, maybe we need to re-evaluate this relationship.
Guard: You shouldn't be putting your hands on things that
aren't yours, Professor.
Milton: Actually...it is mine.
[Guard grunts twice]
Narration: I Googled "vampires". Their historic traits
include aversion to sunlight, elongated canines, an insatiable hunger
for human blood...Oh, and immortality. Poor Lana's about to find
out about the last one the hard way.
Girls: Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!
Buffy: Looks like we picked a winner.
Lana: God, this is so much better than sitting around,
listening to my boyfriend whine about his feelings.
Buffy: You're a Tri-Psi now, Lana. We eat boyfriends for
Lana: Well, then...to breakfast!
Girls: To breakfast! [Laughs]
Lana: Ahh. Whoa. [laughs] Maybe I should slow down
a little bit.
Girl: Where's the fun in that?
Buffy: You are not one of the normal boring people any more,
Lana. You're one of us now. And we do things a little more
Lana: Like what?
Buffy: Like this.
[Thunder crashes. Giggles All giggling.]
Girl: Oh...my God. Did you see her face? [Gasps] She's all like
-- "aaah!" [all scream]
[Thunder crashes] [Neck cracks]
Oh, didn't we tell you? You get to live forever.
Chloe: I don't know what's going on with Lana, but I went over
to the sorority house today to say hi, and one of the pretty, plastic
people told me that she was still asleep at 3:00 in the afternoon.
Clark: Yeah, I tried calling her, too, but she won't pick up.
Maybe she needs a little space.
Chloe: Or some serious deprogramming.
Clark: What do you mean?
Chloe: Well, I'm pulling up some information for a story I'm
working on, and I think there's a lot more going on at that house than
just pedicures and pillow fights. I think you better get over here --
[ Wind gusting ] Clark Clark...
Clark: What do you got?
Chloe: Besides a heart attack? Okay, six years ago
Tri-Psi was just your regular sorority, and then their new president
Clark: Buffy Sanders.
Chloe: Yeah. After that, they became the most exclusive
sorority at Met U. And they get more pledges than any other Greek
sorority every year, but they only choose one girl to be a part of
Chloe: Yeah. Now, it looks like she is a member for life.
According to this, ever since Buffy Sanders took over, not one Tri-Psi
has ever left the sisterhood.
Clark: Think that has something to do with the way Lana's been
Chloe: I think that there's only one way that we can be sure.
Clark: Costume party?
Chloe: It's the perfect cover for us to get in there and poke
Clark: I hate costumes.
Cheloe: Right, invitation. I had one when I was at the nail
salon, and then, um -- and then, of course, I went to get waxed and to
the tanning bed, so I, um... Carlos, do you remember where put it?
Clark: No. No, I don't.
Girl: I'm not supposed to let you in without an invitation. But
I won't tell if you don't. Carlos.
Chloe: Great. Okay, well... Let's go, Carlos. Sorry.
Clark: So, uh, Carlos, huh?
Chloe: Starts with a "C." Don't you think the cape is a little
Clark: I kind of like it. It's not too bad. I mean, the mask
can hardly see anything sometimes.
Chloe: Um, why don't you check upstairs, see if you can find
anything? I'll scope things out down here.
Clark: If you see Lana...
Chloe: I'll let her know that you're here. Lana! Lana! Hey. Go
play with your six-shooter. Me and the kitty cat here need to have a
Buffy: What are you doing in here?
Clark: I was, uh, looking for the bathroom.
Boys: Whoo! Hot tub! [ Laughter ]
Girl: Sorry, Buf.
[ Footsteps departing ]
Chloe: Lana, what is wrong with you?
Lana: I'm having fun. You should try it sometime.
Chloe: What if Clark saw you with that guy? You remember
Clark, right? Your boyfriend? The one who cares about you more than
Lana: You sure know how to ruin a party, don't you?
Chloe: Lana, I don't know what's going on, but this isn't you.
You wouldn't hurt Clark like this.
Lana: I'm - I'm sorry, Chloe...but you shouldn't have come
here. [ Hisses ] Oh, sweetie..
[ Chuckles ] This isn't a movie.
Chloe's narration: Note to self -- never confront a vampire
when they're hungry, even if they are your best friend.
Chloe: [ groaning ] Clark! Please help me.
[ Groans ][ Wind gusting ]
[ Lana Hisses ]
[ Monitor beeping ]
[ Blue team to I.C.U., Please. ]
Doctor: Frankly, I don't know what else to try. We've given her
a transfusion, but there's been no improvement.
Clark: What's wrong with her?
Doctor: Well, as near as we can tell, she's been infected with
some sort of rabies-like virus. It was probably transmitted in the
saliva of whatever animal bit her. It's attacking her red blood cells,
preventing them from regenerating.
Clark: Is there anything you can do?
Doctor: We can keep up the transfusions, hope she stabilizes.
Clark: You have to fight it, Chloe. You have to fight it.
Milton: Is she all right?
Clark: Professor, what are you doing here?
Milton: Visiting a sick colleague. Though he seems to be doing
better than your friend. What happened to her?
Clark: She was ...bitten.
Milton: By what?
Clark: I know how this is gonna sound, but I think she was
attacked by a vampire.
Milton: Clark, there's no such thing as vampires.
Clark: I know what I saw, Professor. She's lost a lot of
blood, and the transfusion didn't work because she's infected by some
weird strain of. Rabies
Milton: Rabies? [ Flips paper ] You might want to have a
word with your buddy Lex Luthor.
Milton: Ask him about Project 1138.
Clark: You got that just from looking at Chloe's chart?
Milton: I recognize the symptoms from my research at
Luthorcorp. Now, do you want to stand around here playing 20 questions,
or do you want to save your friend's life?
Buffy: How could you be so stupid?! You never leave anyone
alive. You have to finish them off. Or turn them by making them drink
Girl: Oh, that guy Carlos saw you.
Lana: His name's Clark.
Buffy: Oh, whatever. He saw you feeding. And he was sneaking
around my room.
two strikes. I'm not waiting for a third.
Lana: He's my boyfriend.
Buffy: So? Lana, you are going to live forever now. He's gonna
get old and withered and sag in places that you don't want to see
sagging. You're special. He's not -- deal.
Lana: What are you gonna do to him?
Buffy: [ Chuckles ] Oh, me? Oh, honey, this is your Freshman
mess. Find Clark and bring him back here with just enough life in him so
we can all have a taste... ...or you're the one we'll be feeding off of
Clark: Lex! Project 1138 --what is it?
Lex: I never heard of it.
Clark: Don't lie to me. I know it has something to do with the
rabies virus. Chloe's in the hospital dying from it right now, and I
think Lana's been infected, too.
more games. If you know anything about what's going on, you got to tell
me right now, before it's too late.
Lex: Six years ago, a girl named Buffy Sanders was trapped in a
cave outside Smallville for several days.
Clark: I know, Lex. I read the newspaper article.
Lex: Well, there were certain facts that never made it into the
Clark: Like what?
Lex: Luthorcorp aided in her rescue. After she was transported
to the hospital, the site was discovered to possess unusual
Clark: Lex, quit dancing around. What did Luthorcorp find?
Lex: Meteor rocks. They had, uh, soaked into the water
table, creating infected stalactites, which in turn infected the
indigenous animal life desmodus rotundus -- vampire bats.
Clark: So we are dealing
Lex: There's nothing mystical about this, Clark. It's just a
very unusual disease. One of the Luthorcorp researchers was accidentally
bitten and quickly developed unusual strength, aversion to bright light,
and adaptive canine teeth.
Lex: Seemed to help with the cannibalistic tendencies.
Clark: What happened to him, Lex?
Lex: He retired to Sausalito. After we cured him. We were able
to create a serum that reverses the infection. The stalactite --it keeps
the serum active. Now, it needs to be administered directly into the
heart in order to carry through the bloodstream effectively. Clark, are
you all right?
[ Lana Hisses ]
Lana: I'm sorry it has to be this way, Clark, but we don't
always get to choose who we are. Sometimes our destiny leads us to
places that we don't want to go, and there's nothing we can do about it.
Clark: Lana, no.
Lana: I love you, Clark. I always will.
[ screams, gasps ]
[ Clark grunts ]
Lana: Buffy was wrong about you, Clark. You are special...
Buffy: [ Gasps ] Nice work. He's quite a catch -- 100%
corn-fed Kansas beef. Let's eat.
Lana: Wait. Isn't there something else we can do with him?
Buffy: Like what? Barbecue?
[ Light laughter ]
Lana: No, like convert him... into one of us.
[ Laughter ]
Buffy: We're a sorority...
Girl: Not a fraternity.
Girl: No boys allowed.
Lana: You don't understand. He's special.
Buffy: Not to me. Get out of the way.
Buffy: Excuse me.
Lana: He's mine. You're not touching him.
Buffy: Oh.[ Chuckles ]
[ Grunts ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Hisses ]
Buffy: I'm really disappointed in you, Lana. Looks like you're
not Tri-Psi material after all. [ Hisses ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
Lana: Looks like I'm making the rules now. Anyone have a
problem with that?
Girls: No, no. Congratulations. That's great.
Lana: Get out. Get out!
Clark: [ Straining ] Lana...
Lana: Clark, it's okay. I'm here.
Clark: Listen to me. You're sick.
Lana: No. No, I'm not. I've never felt better. Clark, I know
what's inside of you. I felt your strength. And now I want you to feel
Clark: No, no. It's not who you are.
Lana: But maybe it is. Maybe I've been hiding it from you all
along, just like you were hiding who you really are from me.
Clark: No, please.
Lana: Clark, don't fight it. We were meant to be together. You
know that in your heart. And this way, we can be... forever. All it
takes is one drop of blood.
Clark: No. [ Grunts ]
Lana: Ahhhh! Ahhhhhhh! Ahhhhh! Ah! [ Gasps ]
Clark: [ Grunts ] [ Sighs ] Lana?
Chloe's narration: So, the tri-Psi's got booted off campus, and
all the infected girls were treated by Luthorcorp. The
upside was that my roommate was so freaked-out that she transferred to
which means Lana and I are once again under the same roof.
As for Clark and Lana, they seem to be able to survive anything.
Clark: How much of what happened do you remember?
Lana: Bits and pieces. Nothing coherent, thank God. But there,
uh... there was one thing that stuck with me, something I felt when I
Clark: What was that?
Lana: Warmth... and love... and an overwhelming feeling of
strength. I think for a moment I felt what was inside your heart. And
I've never felt closer to someone in my entire life. I miss being with
Lex: How's Lana?
Clark: She's back to normal, same as Chloe. Look, I know things
haven't been great between us, but I just wanted to say I appreciate
Lex: That means a lot to me, Clark.
is something I'm still curious about. How did you know about project
Clark: Does it matter?
Lex: Only if it came from Professor Fine.
Clark: What do you have against him, Lex?
Lex: Clark, he's the one who's been attacking me.
Clark: Is that why you stopped by his lecture? To force him to
stop looking at Luthorcorp?
Lex: He's doing a lot more than looking. He's obtaining highly
classified proprietary documents.
Clark: He's only after the truth.
Lex: I think he's after more than that. Look, just be careful.
I don't believe Fine is the friend you think he is.
Chloe's narration: The most exciting part about completing a
story is not finishing it, but having someone else read it.
Pauline: Hmm. Hmm.
Chloe: Is that a good "hmm" or a bad "hmm"?
Pauline: No, it's a good "hmm," if we printed tabloid nonsense
like the Inquisitor does. But we're the Daily Planet, and tall tales
about slaying Buffy the Vampire don't make it into the pages of a real
Chloe: Miss Kahn, I didn't make this up. They weren't vampires
of the mythical sense. They were victims of an unusual disease. Look,
here -- that's all the research -- interviews, eyewitness accounts, the
CDC report, everything.
Chloe: Was that a good "hmm" or a bad --
Pauline: Shut up. Here's the thing. Your writing shows
that you're not completely without talent.
Chloe: Thank you.
Pauline: But you're not a real reporter, either -- yet. Well,
everyone has to start somewhere. Welcome to the Daily Planet, kid.
Chloe: Oh, my god. Thank you so much. Uh, where do I start?
Pauline: Same place I did --at the bottom.
[ Chloe Exhales ]
Chloe's narration: She never did print the article, but I don't
care. I got in on the ground floor of my dream.
[ Keyboards clacking, indistinct conversations ]
Chloe's narration: Okay, so it's actually the basement, but
it's the Daily Planet. The paper of record for kings, presidents, and
prime ministers...not to mention future superheroes. The way I
look at it, I had no place to go but up, up, and away.
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