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Smallville Transcripts


First aired October 13th, 2004

Clark in football uniform

Provided by Suzanne

Player: Ready! Down! Set! Blue-47! Blue-47! Hut!

Jason: Nice one, Cormier! Way to find your man!

Mandy: Woo! All right, Dan! Looking good, baby!

Jason: Hey, Clark. How you holding up?

Clark: Just enjoying the view. From the bench.

Jason: Right, listen, I, uh, talked to Coach Quigley about you. But you know him. He's old school. He already feels like he's got a squad for the season. But just, uh, hang in there for me, all right?  Go on in, guys. Grab a drink.

Dan: Nice catch, buddy.

Nate: It's all about you and me this year, bro.

Dan: All right, cut it out, Mandy. Just cut it out.

Mandy: Sorry. So what are we doing Saturday night?

Dan: Uh, we aren't doing anything. I'm hanging out with Nate and the boys. Didn't I mention that to you before?

Mandy: It's okay. I just want to make you happy.

Dan: All right.

Mandy: I got you a drink.

Dan: You know what? Screw the guys. I want to hang out with you on Saturday night.

Mandy: Why wait till Saturday when we can go shopping now?

Dan: Whatever you want, baby. I'm gonna go hit the showers.

Jason: Where you going, bud? The field's this way.

Dan: I'm going shopping with Mandy.

Jason: You're what?

Mandy: I'll be in the car, baby.

Dan: See ya. You checking out my girlfriend, buddy?

Jason: What are you talking about? Danny, you walk off this field, you're riding the bench Friday.

Dan: Yeah, bite me, dude.

Jason: Clark! Looks like a spot just opened up. Why don't you hop in there? Go get 'em. Clark. You're gonna need one of these.

Player: Don't get too comfortable out there, Clark.

Player #2: Danny's this team's quarterback.

Player: Let's get him, boys.

Player #2: Yeah.

Clark: Blue 19!

Player: Not the center, jerk!

Clark: Blue 19!

Player: Hike!

Jason: Nice throw, Kent! Keep it up!

Clark: All right!

Jason: Whoa! Whoa! Danny, put the gun down, man. Let's talk about this.

Dan: It's too late, coach. You shouldn't have hit on my girl. Ah!

Jason: Ow, ow, ow.

Lana: I haven't even touched it yet.

Jason: I'm just practicing.

Lana: Good, because it's really deep.

Jason: Well, I guess it could've been a lot worse if Clark hadn't tackled me out of the way. I've never seen anybody move that fast. I gotta get him off the bench. Of course, that shouldn't be hard now.  Do they still expel students for taking potshots at coaches?

Lana: This isn't funny, Jason.

Jason:  Right.

Lana:  Imagine being your girlfriend and finding out about this from Chloe. I felt faint and I wanted to scream, but I couldn't. Because why would Lana be freaking out over the new assistant coach? 

Jason: You know, this is usually the part where I would buy you a massive bouquet of flowers and take you out to a really nice dinner. But I can't 'cause my dad has cut me off because I decided to follow my heart instead of the big bucks at business school.  Hey. I need this job, okay? I mean, it's something I love, you know, and it works well with my college schedule. It allows me to be close to you. I know the only downside is that we have to fly under the radar, but... I'm sorry for that.

Lana: It's just I've never been happier, and to not be able to share that is frustrating.

Jason: Well, you know you can always take your frustration out on me.

Lois:  Well, can you please tell the dean there's been an egregious error? I belong at Metropolis University, not walking the halls of Podunk High.  Well, yes, I'm sure that we could work this all out if you could just get him to call me back. Thank you! 

Clark: You know...  If you spent as much time studying as you did trying to leave, you'd be in college already.

Lois:  And where'd you get that pearl of wisdom, the Farmer's Almanac?

Clark: So, what do you think?

Lois: They're not really your colors.   

Clark: They're the school's colors.

Lois: I'm glad you made the team, Clark, but why be a conformist? At least with the whole farm boy plaid thing, as lame as it is, it completely belongs to you.

Clark:  In the future, let's restrict our conversations to "hello" and "goodbye."

Girl #1: I can't believe she even tried out.

Girl #2: I know. Did you see what she was wearing?

Girl #1: And those thighs? One, two, three...

Both girls: No!

Girl #3: Yeah, so the party's gonna be way kick.

Guy: Yeah, pool party! Great!

Lois: Where are we, some kind of freakish feminist parallel universe?   Hey, Chloe, have you seen the way these football players are acting?

Chloe:  Yeah, and I noticed one of them unloaded a shotgun in the boys' locker room. I was thinking about maybe doing an article on it, but the only two reporters I have are late again. Oh! Hi. It's you.

Lois: I'm sorry. I was storming the gates of Metropolis U. trying to get them to change their admissions policy.

Clark: And I had to pick up my new jacket. What do you think?

Chloe: Not exactly your colors. 

Clark: It's the school colors.

Chloe: Whatever. Anyway, Lois, I need you to go to the Smallville Medical Center. Apparently our gun-toting ex-quarterback woke up this morning and he's the feeling the sting of his second-degree burns. He's been apologizing nonstop, so...

Lois: I'm sure he doesn't love the prospect of playing tight end for the Kansas State Boys' Home.  Hello? Yes, I will hold of for the dean.  I've got to go. 

Chloe: All right, I guess I'll go to Smallville Medical Center. Clark, I need to you to talk to Coach Teague. After all, you were there. Nice save, by the way.

Clark: Actually, Chloe, with this whole football thing, I'm gonna have to dial back my time at the Torch.

Chloe: Oh. I guess I've got my work cut out for me.

Clark: I'm sorry. You know, my priorities...

Chloe:  You know what? Don't worry about it. This has got to be a pretty big deal for you. I mean, you're the new starting quarterback, right? It's got to be pretty exciting.

Clark: It is, but... I'm just not sure the other guys want me around.

Chloe: They've been playing together for three years. You're on the team for two weeks, and all of a sudden you're starting. What did you expect, hugs and kisses? 

Player: Nice.

Clark: What's going on?

Guy: You owe me one, Clark. I saved it from the toilet.

Clark: Thanks.

Jason: All right, ladies. Listen up. You've obviously found the new jerseys. I want to introduce you to the man responsible for them. Lex Luthor! 

Lex: The coaches tell me this is going to be a rebuilding season. And I want to encourage you to keep at it.   In my life, I've learned that you can never give up on something that means a lot to you, even when you're coming off a losing season. You keep trying. Because sometimes you just need a fresh start.  So please, enjoy the new uniforms.

Jason: All right! All right! 

Clark: I know what you're doing. But you can't buy back my friendship. 

Chloe: Coach Teague. Hey.

Jason: Hey.

Chloe: I'm, uh, doing a story on the Torch on Dan Cormier and I was just wondering if I could talk to you for a little bit.

Jason: Can it wait? I'm in the middle of practice.

Chloe: It's only gonna take, like, two seconds, I promise.

Jason: I'll do it later.

Chloe:  Okay.

Jason: I will.

Chloe: Okay.

Jason: Hey, ladies. 

Mandy: Gee, Coach Teague, I sure hope you have someone special in your life.

Jason: Well, Mandy, I don't think that's any of your business.   But yeah, I do have somebody.  Guys! You gotta give your quarterback some protection. You gotta hold the pocket! Hey, Carlsen! You gotta move around, pal! 

Chloe: Hey, Clark! Hi. I know you're not exactly journalistically inclined right now, but I was just--

Clark: This isn't a good time, Chloe.

Chloe: Right.  Priorities. 

Clark:  Blue-23! Blue-23!

Chloe:  Clark...

Clark: Hut! 

Chloe: Hello! Uh, look, I'm gonna need you to run with that psycho quarterback story. You might want to interview his girlfriend Mandy. She's a cheerleader. 

Lois: Hi, I'm busy trying to get out of Mayberry.

Chloe: That's fine. Do whatever you want. You're in charge now.  I'm quitting the Torch.

Lois: Whoa! Wait. Quitting? Why?

Chloe: I finally understand why it never worked with Clark.

Lois: Okay, I'll bite.

Chloe: Because I was never there for him! I was always here buried in this stupid school newspaper. I wasn't devoted to him. But that's all gonna change now. 

Lois: Please stop with your crazy talk! You can't quit because, seriously, I need the credit, and how many anvils are you gonna let this guy drop on you?

Chloe:  You know what's crazy? I actually thought you'd be happy for me. Now that Lana and Clark are finally a thing of the past, I may actually have a shot at this. Why are you getting in my way?

Lois:  Fine. Looks like I'm gonna be covering the pom-pom beat.

Chloe: Thank you.

Rhonda: Seriously, Mandy, the 24-hour mourning period is over. You need a new boyfriend to take to our pool party.

Mandy: Okay, I'm not taking a step down from Dan and dating some wide receiver, Rhonda.

Girl #3: Well, Clark Kent's the new quarterback.

Girl #4: And he's hot. 

Mandy: No decisions. I'll scope him out. 

Lois: Mandy, right? I'm Lois Lane. I'm doing an article for the Torch about what happened to your boyfriend.

Rhonda: She doesn't want to talk about it.

Lois: I don't want to write the article either, but my cousin dumped it on me and I need the credit, so let's--

Mandy: I wouldn't give that geek rag a quote if it were the last paper on earth.

Lois: Darn. And I thought it was gonna be so insightful.  Oh, look. Your valets are here.  Except you don't have one anymore, do you?

Mandy: I could have another boyfriend like that.

Lois: It's amazing what a short skirt and the ability to rhyme will get ya.  Oh, advanced chem. How many cheerleaders does it take to draw a double helix?

Mandy: You want a quote?

Lois: Yeah.

Mandy: Back off, bitch. 

Lois: Just got my headline. 

Clark: Chloe. What's going on? 

Chloe: So, do you remember that conversation we had this morning about your priorities? Well, I've been thinking about my priorities, and I think they're a little screwed up. Who needs the Torch? Especially if you're not gonna be there.

Clark: Right. But that still doesn't answer why you're only wearing... my football jersey.

Chloe: I want to make you my number one priority. I would do anything for you. Things that Lana would never do. Things to help relieve your stress. 

Clark:  Like what?

Clark: Chloe...

Clark: Chloe! Hey, Chloe!  Are you feeling okay?

Chloe: I've never felt happier.  Clark...

Clark:  Uh--

Chloe: Can't you see? I'm devoted to you. I love you, Clark. 

Martha: Clark, I got all your football gear together, but I can't find your jersey.

Clark: It's, uh, in the barn. I forgot it up there. I'll, uh, I'll get it later. 

Clark: Hey, Mom, can I talk to you for a second?

Martha: Of course, honey. What's up?

Clark: It's about Chloe. Um, she came on to me last night, pretty strong. I'm worried about her. Don't worry, nothing happened.

Martha: I thought you two agreed to be friends.

Clark: We did, and then she pulled a 180 on me.

Martha: Maybe Chloe's decided life's too short to bury her feelings anymore. How do you feel about her?

Clark: The problem is, I'm not over Lana yet.  Sometimes I think I never will be.

Martha:  Oh, sweetheart. There's somebody out there for you. I know it.

Clark: So, what do I do about Chloe?

Martha: If you don't feel the same way, just be honest. 

Jonathan: Hello!

Martha: Hi. Oh, I gotta get to the Talon. Okay, um, I'll see you too later. Bye.

Jonathan: Bye. So, Clark. Tell me, how's football practice going?

Clark: It's actually not going so good. Some of the guys have been giving me a hard time since they found out I was starting. Missing my passes...

Jonathan: Nobody said it was gonna be easy.

Clark: The frustrating part is, I could score every time.

Jonathan: Clark, we talked about that whole thing, remember? The football field is not a place for you to be using your powers to save the day.

Clark: I just said it was frustrating.

Jonathan: Look, son, if you're gonna be the quarterback, then you have to be the leader. Of course a bunch of the guys are gonna want to challenge that, especially if they don't think you deserve it. Same thing happened to me.

Clark: I thought your team worshipped the ground you walked on.

Jonathan: Well, not when I was a sophomore, they didn't. See, the coach made me starting quarterback. A bunch of the seniors didn't like that very much.

Clark: What'd you do?

Jonathan: I earned their respect. 

Lana:  Hey, is everything okay?

Jason: Yeah. It is now. 

Lana: Hey, what are you doing?

Jason: It's called kissing my girlfriend.

Lana: No, I was talking more in the "big picture" sense.  The lady from the attendance office announced to my entire advanced lit class that Coach Teague needed to see me. 

Lana: I don't want you to take this the wrong way, but this sudden, spontaneous outburst-- It's a little strange. Even for you.

Jason: Mm.

Lana: You have sacrificed an incredible amount to be with me. I will not cost you your job.

Jason: My job doesn't matter, okay? You do. I want to make you happy.

Lana: I know. And I love that. I just think that we should discuss this later.

Jason: Okay, but will you promise me something?

Lana: Depends...

Jason: Come by practice after school. Just stand on the sideline for, like, ten minutes. But I just want to see you. 

Jason: All right, guys. Let's grab a drink before scrimmage.

Clark: Lana? What are you doing here?

Lana: I-I heard that Clark Kent was our new starting quarterback, and I had to see it for myself.

Clark: Really? You came out here to watch me practice? That means a lot.

Jason:  Hey, Kent! Do you want to join us or what?

Clark:  I better go.

Lana: Seems like our new assistant coach is working you pretty hard. 

Clark: No, he's, uh, actually pretty cool.  I'll see ya.

Lana: See ya

Lois: Hey. What did you do to my cousin? She's freaking me out.

Clark: Nothing. She's hitting on me.

Lois: Well, obviously you sent some kind of signal that you were interested.

Clark: Look, Lois, I got a big game coming up, and I'm trying to make a good impression here, all right? So could we talk about this later? 

Chloe: Hey! Hey, Clark! Hi!

Lois: Oh, my God.

Chloe: Hi, Clark! Hi!  Ta-da! Hi!

Clark: Chloe. W-what's up with the cheerleader outfit?

Chloe: I found it in the storage locker. I thought, you know, what better way to support my new favorite starting quarterback than to join the cheerleading squad? We can be together all the time!

Clark: Yeah.

Chloe: What is she doing here? 

Jason: Hey, Kent! Some time today!

Chloe: Good luck! Bye!

Lois: Oh, my God. She's taken the fast train to Stepford.

Clark: I need you to keep her away from me.

Lois: With what? A tranquilizer gun?

Clark: There's obviously something wrong. I just need some time to figure it out, okay?

Lois: Okay. 

Jason: Kent. What's wrong with you?

Clark:  Coach, I'm not feeling very good. I think I better leave.

Jason: You're gonna walk away because you don't feel well. You know, maybe I was wrong about you, Kent.

Clark: Coach, I--

Jason: You know, your team's waiting for you out there. Are you a leader or not?

 Jason: Tell the rest of the guys they got a green light on Kent. I've been too easy on him. 

Chloe: It's okay, Clark! It's okay! Just shake it off! 

Nate: How's it taste? 

Chloe: Clark Kent! Come on! Give me a K! Give me an E! Give me an N! Give me a T! 

Clark: Blue-37! Hike!

Chloe: Oh! Keep going, baby! 

Clark: Hike! 

Player: Need a hand?

Chloe: Let's hear it for the number one quarterback! Yeah! 

Clark: Blue-17! Hut! 

Chloe: Oh! Uh... It's okay! It's okay! It's just a bruise!

Nate:  Atta boy, Kent! How's that feel, Kent?

Chloe: Go, Clark! You can do it! You can do it! Defense! Go defense! All right! 

Chloe: Whoo! Yeah! Go, Clark!

Clark: Chloe, if that's you, I'm not feeling very well right now.  Hey, Coach Teague.

Jason:  Clark, we need to talk.

Clark:  Look, I know this is gonna sound weird, but I think there's something in that drink cooler.

Jason: Yeah, you should've stayed away from my girlfriend.

Clark: What are you talking about?

Lex:  Clark.

Clark:  Lex.

Lex: Are you okay? Who was that? 

Lex: Are you sure you don't want to call the police?

Clark: Yeah. It's not like either of us got a good look at him anyway.

Lex: That's odd.

Clark: What?

Lex: I could've sworn you had a cut above your eye.

Clark: Actually, I'm feeling a lot better all of a sudden.

Lex: Yeah, well, I still think you should have a doctor take a look at you.

Clark: I guess I was lucky you were here.  Why are you here?

Lex: I wanted to give you something.  It's every file I ever had on you.

Clark: How do I know you don't have a copy?

Lex: You don't. But it's the truth.

Clark: Lex, if this friendship was so important, why'd you lie to me for so long?

Lex: I don't know, Clark.  There's a darkness in me that I can't always control. I'm starting to think that's my curse, why every relationship I have ends badly.

Clark: We all have a dark side, Lex.

Lex: Yeah. But I can feel mine creeping over the corners. Your friendship helps keep it at bay. It reminds me that there are truly good people in the world. I'm not willing to give up on that.  Good night, Clark.

Clark: I'm looking for Coach Teague. He just attacked me in my loft.

Lois: After that performance on the field today, I'm not surprised.  I'm kidding.

Clark: Look, the cheerleaders are spiking the water cooler at practice. That's why Chloe and the players are acting so weird.

Lois: Nice work, Smallville. You want to know what they're using?

Clark: You actually did some investigative reporting?

Lois: My cousin goes Martha Stewart without the jail time? Yeah. Suddenly, the power of the press interests me.  Look what I found.

Clark:  Mandy and Rhonda did a science fair project together. So?

Lois: So that's our smoking gun. According to the chemistry teacher, they researched a hormone called phenylethylamine.

Clark: Phenylethylamine?  "The love molecule."

Lois: Exactly.

Clark: So it's a love potion?

Lois: Yeah, but it didn't work.

Clark: Until they added the meteor rock.

Lois:  Whatever.

Clark: We have to find a way to reverse the effect.

Lois: Well, it must wear off at some point. Otherwise they wouldn't keep juicing the football players.

Clark: We don't have enough time. What if another player goes into a jealous rage and hurts someone?

Lois: Wait a minute. You drank some of it, too. I saw you. How come you're not going all love slave?

Clark:  I don't know. What's your point?

Lois: That science report's in Mandy's faux Prada bag. Presumably it can tell us how to reverse this, right? And presumably, you're infected.  The cheerleaders are having a pool party tonight. How do you look in a swimsuit, Clark? 

Lois: Okay, Clark. Faux Prada bag, folder, show time.

Clark:  Lois, I don't think--

Lois: Go.

Clark: Lois-- 

Clark: Okay.  Hi, Mandy.

Mandy: Hey, Clark.  Welcome to the party. 

Clark: I'm devoted to you.

Mandy: Yeah, I can work with this. 

Clark:  Lois! 

Mandy: Oh, you're so strong.

Clark: Y-You're so beautiful.

Lois:  I'm so grossed out. 

Mandy: So, tell me. If you like me so much, what are you gonna do for me?

Clark: I'll buy you dinner.  I'll cook. I'll cook you dinner.

Mandy: Oh, that is so hot!   You seem distracted.

Clark: Um, I'm just nervous.

Mandy: Why?

Clark: I've, um, never done what I think we're about to do before.

Lois: Ow.

Mandy: What?

Clark:  Oh! Oooh!

Mandy:  Oh! Oooh!

Lois: Gross.  All right.  Ow! Chloe, what the hell?

Chloe:  I know what you're up to.  I went through this with Lana, and I'm not gonna go through it with you!

Lois: Do what?!

Chloe: Steal Clark! 

Mandy: Are you getting bored?

Clark: No.

Mandy: Good. Because I'm just getting started.

Lois: [Dodging more swings.] Chloe, this is stupid!  I don't want to hurt you!

Chloe: Too late. You already did. 

Lois:  Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry! Are you okay, Chloe?

Chloe:  Yeah. What happened? What's going on? 

Mandy: So, how far do you want to go here?

Clark: Um...

Lois: Right about there would be great, thanks.

Clark: Chloe, you okay?

Chloe: Yeah, fine.

Mandy: I can't believe you, Clark.

Lois: Oh, please! Do you know how pathetic it is that you had to resort to chemicals to control your boyfriend?

Mandy: I'm sick of being a distant second to a football.

Lois: So you created a bunch of psycho nut-jobs.  No offense.

Chloe: None taken.

Clark:  What, uh, what took you so long?

Chloe: Oh, she was attacked by a, uh, crazy plumber.

Lois: Yeah.

Clark:  Did you find the cure?

Lois: Yeah, we worked out our own little experiment.  I accidentally burned her on the furnace in the boiler room and she snapped out of it.

Clark: Just like Dan snapped out of it when the gun heated up.

Chloe & Lois: Exactly.

Clark: So it's the heat.

Lois: Yeah.

Chloe: Uh, you guys, where's Mandy?

Lois: Oh, nice, Clark. You know, you only had one thing to do.

Clark: Me? You're closer to the door.

Lois: Okay, so it's automatically my fault?

Chloe:  Uh, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys.

Lois:  Oh, hey. We were just talking about you.

Mandy: Yeah? Well, now you're gonna wish you never crossed me.

Lois: Yeah? What are you gonna do, cheer us to death?

Lois: Oh, great. Here comes the love squad.

Clark: Let's get out of here. Come on, Lois.

Lois: Bring it on, hotshot.

Clark: Lois, what are you doing?

Lois: Hey, Clark, do you got any explosions up your sleeve?

Nate: You're gonna pay, bitch!

Lois: Okay, what the hell was that?

Clark: I guess the pipe must've broken or something. Pretty lucky, huh?

Lois: Yeah. You better hope for that kind of luck tomorrow on the field.

Lex: When they told me Clark Kent was downstairs, I couldn't believe it. I wanted you to see for yourself that the investigation is over.

Clark:  What's that? 

Lex: The Porsche you pulled me out of the day we met.

Clark: Why is it still here?

Lex:  To remind me of what I almost lost. It's over, Clark. It really is.  Look, I'm willing to give this friendship another shot if you are.

Clark: In the spirit of friendship, I was wondering if you could help me with a problem.

Lex: Absolutely. What is it?

Clark: Well, it's a who. Lois Lane.

Jason: Clark. I don't know what to say, man. I mean, you saved my life, and I practically tried to kill you. It's not the best way to get this coach-player relationship off the ground.

Clark: It's okay.

Jason: If you want to bring this to the school's attention, I totally understand.

Clark: No, coach. You weren't yourself. I'm just glad it wore off.

Jason: Yeah. You're gonna do great out there today. I think after all that's happened, the guys are finally behind you.

Clark:  Thanks.  Hey, coach? When you were in my loft, you told me to stay away from your girl. Who were you talking about?

Jason: Honestly... I have no idea. I mean, like you said, I guess I wasn't myself. Good luck today, Clark. I'll see you out there.

Announcer: The Crows are behind 31 to 28 with 7 seconds remaining. Fourth down on their own 40-yard line. 

Clark: Nate, I need you to get open in the end zone.

Nate: Are you serious? Can you throw that far?

Clark: Can you run that fast?

Nate: Hell yeah.  Let's do it!

Clark: All right, guys. Hail Mary on one.

Guys: Hey!

Clark: 42! 42! 29! Hut!

Announcer: Unbelievable! The Crows win! The Crows win!

Guys: All right, Kent!

Clark: Whoo!

Chloe: Wow. So... 60-yard pass to win the big game at the last second. You're gonna be like some superhero around here. I just might have to do an article on you.

Clark: Does that mean you're back at the Torch?

Chloe: Yeah.  Since I'm not very good at ignoring 500-pound elephants, I am really sorry that I made things so ridiculously awkward between us.

Clark: You know, I thought you made a great cheerleader.

Chloe: Yeah, let's never talk about that again, okay?   Look, Clark, as much as I'd like to blame the pom-pom juice for this, I obviously still have those feelings in me somewhere.

Clark: Chloe... I wish I felt the same way, but I don't. At least not right now.

Chloe:  I know that. And I accept it. I just hope that we can keep our friendship. Except now you're gonna be, like, big man on campus. 

Clark: Well, I'm hoping my new editor will keep me in line. I'm gonna make time for the Torch.

Chloe: Wow. Superhero and journalist. What are the odds?  Thanks. I'll see you tomorrow.

Lois: If you break her heart, I'll come back and I'll break your legs.

Clark: What do you mean come back?

Lois: Apparently the dean got a call from a very prominent benefactor with the initials L.L. They did the white man power dance and shazam. I'm officially a freshman.

Clark: Wow, that's great!

Lois: Don't pretend you had nothing to do with it. Why would Lex call out of the blue on my behalf?

Clark: Look, the important thing is you got in and you're leaving.  Because that's what you wanted, right?

Lois: Yeah, yeah, don't get all broken up about it. You know, if I could describe my time here in one word, it would be "weird." I look forward to the relative normalcy of the big city. But don't worry. I'll visit.

Clark: Is that a promise or a threat?

Lois: See you around... Smallville.

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Updated 9/26/08  


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