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Smallville Transcripts

"Façade"

First aired October 6th, 2004

Jason and Lana kissing in "Façade"

Provided by Suzanne

Whitney: Are we going to state this year?

Crowd: Yeah!

Whitney: I can't hear ya! Who's gonna be the state champions?

Crowd: The Crows!

Whitney: I need a brave freshman to step up.  All right, which one of you studs thinks you're a better quarterback than me?  Kent! How about it?

Clark: Huh?  That's okay.

Whitney: You're too busy milking cows to come and try out for the team. The least you can do is show some school spirit.  Am I right?  Come on, Kent. You want to take a shot at the hottest freshman in Smallville High?

Lana: Come on, Clark!  Just take your time. Come on, Clark, you can do it.

Abby: Caw! Caw! Support the team! Caw! Caw! Whoo!  Yeah, go Crows! Woo-hoo!

Whitney: Hey, it's the Crow! Who's the lucky freshman this year?

Brett:  Probably the biggest loser like every year. Come on, take it off. Take it off. Let me see your face.

Clark: Hey, leave her alone.

Abby: Guys, just leave me alone, all right?

Brett:  What? We always torture the mascot. It's a tradition.

Abby: Leave me alone. Leave me alone! Stop it!

Brett: Scabby Abby. Hey, it's Scabby Abby!  Scabby Abby! Scabby Abby!

Crowd: Scabby Abby! Scabby Abby! Scabby Abby! Scabby Abby! Scabby Abby!

Brett:  Put your mask back on, Scabster!

Whitney: All right, who's next? Who's gonna step up and dunk her?


Woman: Poor Abby. It's taken three years, but you finally let Mommy help you.

Dr. Fine: Don't worry, sweetheart. I won't let you waste your senior year like you did all the others.

Abby: You promise people will like me?

Dr. Fine: They will. I promise. Just like they did me.  Everyone will love you when they see the real you, the one that's been inside all along.  You're going to have a senior year no one will ever forget. 


Announcer: What a ball game! It's all tied up! With five seconds left, it's a brother here at Metro Stadium!  Clark Kent, the young phenom from Smallville has led M.U.'s incredible comeback.  Kent takes the step from his own ten-yard line. It's Hail Mary time. He fades back. Here's the pass.  A bullet deep downfield! Way past his own receiver!  Wait! Kent's now flying down the field. He's going to catch his own pass!  Touchdown! The Meteors win! Kent is unbelievable!

Lois: Nice arm, farm boy.  When's the first game?

Clark:  I'm not on the team.

Lois: Why not? An arm like that is a "Get out of geek free" pass.

Clark: Well, even if I wanted to play--

Lois: Which obviously you do.

Clark: That wouldn't be the reason. Thanks, I don't really consider myself a geek.

Lois: So... what do you see yourself as?

Clark: I don't know. An outsider, I guess.

Lois:  That's a recipe for wedgies if I've ever heard one.

Clark:  Have I told you how much I'm gonna miss you?

Lois:  Daddy. Don't you have three thousand guys to babysit? Do you really need to keep checking up on me?

Sam: It would appear that way.

Lois: I know that I'm late. But I can still make it to campus for orientation.

Sam: Save yourself a trip. Met U just yanked your acceptance.

Lois: What? They can't do that.

Sam: They can if you don't have enough credits to finish high school.

Lois: Look, I know I missed a few classes, but...

Sam: Lo, you failed the last semester.

Sam: Not to worry, though. I'm sure that Clark will be happy to show you around.

Clark & Lois:  Around where?

Sam: Bright and early tomorrow morning. You start Smallville High.

Lois: Great. 


Chloe: You know, socially divisive cliques and hall passes aside, this place really isn't all that bad.

Lois: It's the varsity version of Dante's seventh ring.

Chloe: Come on, do you know how many people would kill to relive their senior year in high school?

Lois: Make that semester. Five more credits and I am out of this cow pile.

Chloe: Wait a minute. Five credits in one semester? Lois, the only way you're gonna do that is if you add an extracurricular to your class list.  Like, say, maybe... writing for the Torch.

Lois: Uh, no hard feelings here, cuz, but unlike you, the last thing I want to be is a reporter.

Chloe: Yeah, God. What could be worse than, you know, uncovering the truth and protecting the public?

Lois: And sticking your nose in other people's business.

Chloe: Like I said. You'd be perfect. Come on, let's go!  It's gonna be great having you here.


Male Student: Check it out. The new girl!

Abby: Hi, Clark.

Clark: Abby?

Abby: It's actually Abigail now.

Clark: You know, I almost didn't recognize you.

Abby: After an entire summer in recovery... good. With any luck, this old locker will be the only thing that stays the same this year.

Clark:  Yeah, um, that shouldn't be a problem. So, uh... Why the, uh...

Abby: Change? I guess just one day you realize you can spend another year being resentful of what everybody else has, or you can do something about it. It's our senior year, Clark. This is my last chance.

Chloe: Good morning, Clark. Hey... Abby.  Whoa. Either she spent an entire summer at a silicon farm, or I am shopping at the wrong makeup counter.

Lois: How old is she, 17? That's like messing with the batter before the cookies are even baked.

Chloe: Don't tell me that the world isn't nicer to prettier people. Besides, you know, I mean it's her body and if it makes her feel better, then it's none of our business.  What?

Lois: I'm just stunned that Miss "Letter to the Editor" doesn't find it one bit disgusting that a girl would get nipped and tucked to transform into some plastic pod person.

Clark: I think she looks great.

Lois: What a shocker.  Look, that's the problem with high school. It's all a facade. Everyone's hiding who they really are and trying to be something they're not.

Chloe: Well, it sounds like you've got your first article. See you in the Torch.

Lois:  Okay, I'll write for you, but you better get me extra credit.


Lana: Hey.  A note through the vent of my locker. Very creative.

Jason: Well, I pride myself on being able to revert back to the fourth grade.

Lana: What are you doing here? If we get caught, I could get detention.

Jason: I could get fired.

Clark:  Coach Teague.  I'm Clark Kent.

Jason: Hi.

Clark: Lana. What are you doing here?

Lana: Um, I, uh--

Jason: The principal asked this young lady to give me the grand tour.  It's good to meet you, Clark.

Clark: You know, they didn't tell me you were Jason Teague. This guy threw a passing record his freshman year at Metropolis University. He could've gone pro.

Jason: Yeah, well, now I'm just a transfer to Central Kansas A & M. It's amazing how quickly you fall off a recruiter's list when you tear your rotator cuff.

Lana: Well, then, I, uh, I guess we're lucky to have you here, coach.

Jason: Assistant coach... Miss Lang.  Um, Quigley's still gonna be calling the plays for you guys.

Clark: Well, actually, I'm not on the team.  I was hoping I could try out.

Jason: You look big enough. Sure. 


Jonathan: The Talon?

Martha: Lex, uh, agreed to let me manage it.  I was lucky to find a job at all, Jonathan. It's not like I have a full resume these days.

Jonathan: Sweetheart, if we're so worried about money, then why don't we just go through the books again? We'll find some other place to cut.

Martha: Like where? We've been over it every week for two months. There's no way we can get out from under these hospital bills.  I'm not blaming you. I just... I just don't want to keep waiting and risk losing the farm. You've worked too hard.

Jonathan: Yeah, so that you wouldn't have to.

Martha: It's not so bad right now. You have the farm and Clark is gonna go off to college next year. I need something of my own.

Jonathan: But why does it have to be with the Luthors?

Martha: I'll be selling espressos, Jonathan, not masterminding hostile takeovers.

Jonathan: Well... I've always known that you wanted to have more than just this old farm. I'm not gonna be the one to stand in your way. 

Martha: Thank you, sweetheart.

Jonathan: You're welcome. You're welcome.


Jason: Hey, Kent. I need your permission slip, bud.  What positions have you played?

Clark: None, actually. I've never been on a team before. My father wasn't too keen on the whole idea.

Jason: Your dad doesn't know you're here, does he?  When it comes to defying fathers, I'm kind of a pro.

Clark: I'm not doing this for him.

Jason: You know, I've seen a lot of guys join the team just so they can walk around in a letterman's jacket, because they want people to look at them differently. But football's just a game. If you want to change, you gotta do that yourself.

Clark: That's why I'm here.

Jason: All right. Let's see what you got.


Quigley: All right, Kent. Prove something to us.

Guy: All right, guys! On two!

Clark: Hut! Hut!

Jason: All right. That'll work. Line up again, guys.

Guy: Check out Scabby Abby.

Guy #2:  They're fake, you know.

Guy #3: Who cares?

Brett: Are you kidding me? Man, is she hot.


Brett: I didn't mean to scare you. I can't stop thinking about you.

Abby: You mean the girl you nicknamed Scabby Abby?

Brett: Yeah, I totally deserved that. Maybe if I'd been more patient, I would've seen who you really are. The most beautiful girl in school.   I have a lot to apologize for. What do you say we go someplace a little more quiet?


Abby: So where're we going?


Brett: What are you doing?

Abby: You didn't feel that?

Brett: Of course I did. 

Abby: No. I should-- I should go.

Brett: What's going on? Abigail, wait. Oh, I get it. New face, same old boring scabby. Hey!

Brett: Oh, my God.

Abby: Brett?

Brett: What's happening?

Abby: What's wrong?

Brett:  Oh, my God. My face!  What did you do to me?!  No! My face!


Lois: Admissions office? Look, I'm in the nation's cream corn capital retaking calculus! No, don't put me on hold!  Could this day be any worse? 

Lois: Aah!


Lois:  No, that's everything.

Officer: Thank you.

Clark: Lois, what's going on?

Lois: He just ran right out in front of me. I don't know. They said he's gonna be okay. Physically, anyway. The cops think he kind of lost it.

Clark: Who, Brett? I just saw him at practice an hour ago. He was fine.

Lois: Are you sure about that?

Clark: Yeah.

Lois: Think about it, Clark. It's the start of a new season, scholarships, the entire town counting on you to be their hero. Who knows what kind of neuroses are hiding behind that "Big Man on Campus" mask?

Clark: No way. If anything, Brett was too overconfident. He probably just didn't see you.

Lois: Yeah, that might explain the broken windshield, but do you want to tell me why he was running around half naked, soaking wet? Who would do that? 


Clark: Hey, hey! The last time I checked, you were missing a few prerequisites for being in here.

Lois:  So you have been checking me out.

Clark: Lois, just wait outside.

Lois: Are you kidding? Tortured senior can't keep up the hometown hero act and buckles? This is as juicy as my teen cosmetic surgery article.

Lois:  Excuse me. How well did you know Brett Anderson?

Guy:  Not as well as I'd like to know you.

Lois: Charming. Look, Brett ran in front of my car. Do any of you guys know what that was all about?


Lana: Do you make a habit of going through other people's mail?

Lex: Sorry, the box was addressed to the Talon.  Something tells me this isn't a book of the month selection. What's with this fascination with ancient writings?

Lana:  School project.

Lex: Must be the same project Clark's always working on. [He turns and walks toward the bar.] For two people so different, you have remarkably similar interests.  It still amazes me what you did with this place. You saw promise in something everyone else thought was beyond redemption.

Lana: Huh. This is a side of Lex Luthor I've never seen before. [Walking toward Lex with a smile.] You're coming dangerous close to being nostalgic. 


Jonathan: Congratulations are in order. Coach Quigley called. You made the football team.

Clark: You don't have to worry, Dad. I'm not gonna hurt anyone.  I know how to control my abilities.

Jonathan: The person I'm worried about you hurting, Clark, is yourself.  You're gonna be tempted to run just a little bit faster, to throw the ball just far enough to win every game.

Clark: You think I'm gonna cheat? I won't cross that line.

Jonathan:  You won't even know where that line is, Clark. Come on, think about it. You're out there, your friends are giving it their all. You're gonna do whatever it takes to win. That's football, son. And with you, it's never gonna be a fair competition.

Clark:  Well, let's talk about what's fair. What's the first thing you remember about high school when you think back?

Jonathan:  No, no, no.

Clark: Don't tell me it's not football.  I want that, too, Dad, and I'm sick of begging for the same chances that you just had. I want my own life. 


Dr. Fine: You're not the first person to walk through that door with tattoo remorse. But you're the first one to do it without ink.

Lana: What?

Dr. Fine: Whatever this pigment is, it's almost as though the symbol were branded underneath your skin. Someone wanted to leave a mark you wouldn't easily forget.

Lana: But you can still remove it, right?

Dr. Fine: Well, I'll have to send this tissue sample up to the lab, but I am guessing removal won't be possible without a complete skin graft.  But we'll see.  You go to school with my daughter, don't you? I never forget a face. Especially a perfect one like yours.   It must get you anything you want, hmm?

Lana:  Abby. How's Brett? I saw you two in the hall.

Abby:  I don't know what you're talking about.

Lana: I'll talk to you later.  Thank you. Um, bye, Dr. Fine.

Abby: What did you do to me? I kissed this guy and he freaked out. It was like-- It was like he went insane or something, and I--

Dr. Fine:  You were my first trial at this, Abigail. I mean, there's always potential for complication.

Abby: Complication? Brett's at the hospital because of me!

Dr. Fine: Brett? Isn't that the boy who named you Scabby Abby? Maybe he got exactly what he deserved. And Lana should too.

Abby: Lana? But Lana never did anything to me.

Dr. Fine: Lana saw the two of you together. She's already asking questions.

Abby: You think she knows?

Dr. Fine: This is a very serious problem, Abigail. If Lana says anything to anyone about what's happened between you and this boy, they'll take all of this away from me. And without your treatments, you're gonna revert back exactly the way you used to be. Is that really what you want?

Abby:  No.

Dr. Fine: I have done everything for you. And now I need you to do something for me.


Jason: Yeah. Okay.  It's the old drama room.

Lana:  Wow.  This is an interesting detour from the coach's office.

Jason: Mm-hmm.

Lana: I didn't even know this room existed.

Jason: Yep. Neither does anyone else, hopefully.

Lana: I still can't believe that you have a job at my school.

Jason: I know. I guess I'm gonna have to get used to my guys drooling over you.

Lana: I don't think you have anything to worry about.

Jason: Yeah? What about Clark Kent?

Lana: I thought that you said you had a surprise for me. How did this become about Clark?

Jason: It was strange. He kind of opened up to me today.

Lana: You have no idea how strange that really is.

Jason: Really?

Lana: Yeah.

Jason: Well, the thing is, you know, running the drills and putting together a good team is one thing, but having guys like Clark come to me for advice? It's not gonna be so easy when these guys are looking at me like I'm an adult and I still feel like I'm part of the team.

Jason: But this moment isn't about me.

Lana: No?

Jason: Mnh-mnh.

Lana: Mmm.

Jason: Hold on.

Lana: Okay.

Jason: It's about this.

Lana: Oh, dear. That would be a blindfold.

Jason:  Yes, it would.

Lana:  Okay.  So, what do you think you're gonna get out of this?

Jason: Oh, nothing. We never really got to celebrate somebody's birthday.

Lana: Right.

Jason: So... you stay right here.

Lana:  Okay.

Jason: Okay.  Don't peek.

Lana: Jason?  Hello?  Jason, what are you do--  Abby?

Abby:  I'm sorry, Lana.

Lana: Aah!

Jason: I don't know if you can even hear me, Lana... but if you knew how much you meant to me...

Lex: Well, I guess the polite thing to do is cough and let you know I'm standing here, but that always seems so forced, doesn't it?  How is she?

Jason: Well, they don't know what's wrong with her so it's... it's kind of hard to say.

Lex: Lex Luthor.

Jason: Jason Teague. I, uh, I work at the school. I'm the new assistant football coach.

Lex: Teague. As in Marion, Teague, & Weisman?

Jason:  That's my father's firm.

Lex:  And you decided to get as far away from the family business as possible. Smart move.

Jason:  It didn't exactly go down like that. He, uh, he cut me off.

Lex: Well, what better place to kick-start a new career than Smallville High?

Jason: Yeah.

Lex: Certainly responsible of the school to send over a representative to check in on her.

Jason:  Oh, um, yeah, I just-- I thought I'd stop by on the way home. It was nothing.

Lex: I doubt that.  Lana deserves the best. I hope you're it.


Chloe: Hey. How's she doing?

Clark: She's pretty cut up. They gave her a sedative, but she keeps saying, "Don't let him see me" over and over again.

Chloe: It's like some kind of breakdown.

Clark: When they brought Brett in, he was acting the same way. The only thing they could find in common is a spike in their serotonin levels.

Chloe: Serotonin?

Clark: It's a brain chemical--

Chloe: That LSD and hallucinogens mimic. It's also the word that Lois misspelled three times in her slander piece on extreme makeovers...

Clark: Yeah, but Lana and Brett are hardly candidates for plastic surgery.

Chloe: Yeah, but Abby was. Didn't Lana say she saw Brett with Abby right before he went crazy? Maybe this procedure made her more beast than beauty.


Lois: My parents don't understand. They say I'm too young for plastic surgery.

Dr. Fine: Well, some parents don't remember what it was like. When I was your age, I wasn't exactly homecoming queen. I worked harder than all the pretty girls only to watch everything get handed to them. Seven surgeries and two years changed all that.


Lois: You know, I was actually interested in that new procedure you used on Abby. It is really true that you only have to come in once?

Dr. Fine:  That's why I developed the process. I didn't want to watch my daughter go through the pain that I endured only to have what other girls are lucky enough to be born with. [Lois smiles and nods.] So let's get you scheduled here.

Lois: Yes, please.  You know, I'm actually running a little late.

Dr. Fine:  Are you recording this?

Lois: I'm going to expose you.

Dr. Fine: Who are you to stop people from being their best?

Lois: Call me crazy, but I've always been a firm believer that beauty... It's on the inside.   Ah!

Dr. Fine: The people that say that are the ones who already have it on the outside. 


Chloe: Okay.

Clark: Wow. You kind of let the inner slob out, huh?

Chloe: Yeah, and her name is Lois. She's been pulling these articles that Abby's mom published on this new breakthrough insta-makeover technique, but, uh, Dr. Fine ran into one snag.  It's sending the patients' serotonin levels into overdrive.

Clark: It says here Dr. Fine was working on a suppression medication called Serythro to keep the serotonin levels in check. Maybe it worked. Maybe Abby was a trial run.

Chloe: Only Abby's seismic surgery didn't come without aftershocks. She's passing something to people that's super-boosting their serotonin.

Clark: That makes sense if she kisses Brett, but what about Lana?

Chloe: I don't know. All I do know is that Abby's not hallucinating, so maybe all Lana and Brett need is a dose of that Serythro medication.   It looks like Lois is one step ahead of us. 


Lois:  What are you doing?

Dr. Fine: Giving you the inside scoop. You really want to know what it was like for Abigail all of those years? Hmm?  Well, you're gonna find out.  And without the suppressant to balance out your serotonin levels, you'll be filing your story from the psych ward. 

Lois: Clark?  Clark! Are you okay?

Clark: Get me out of here.

Lois: Okay.  Bitch. 


Lana: I don't know how to tell you this without sounding really stuck up.

Jason:  I already know you're stuck up. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about that.

Lana: You're funny.

Jason: Yeah, and cute, huh?

Lana:  Okay, Jason, look I'm being serious.

Jason: All right.

Lana: Back in freshman year, I, uh, made the cheerleading squad, and that was my whole identity. Putting on the face that I thought everyone wanted to see.  I keep thinking of all the times that you've told me that I'm beautiful, and, um... I can't help but wonder how much of me you really see.

Jason: Lana, I tell you you're beautiful because of who you are, not because of what I see. I mean, you're the girl I flew halfway across the world to be with. The girl who kicks the crap out of me at XBox and thinks it's hysterical.  I mean, I have seen you with the stomach flu where your eyes were puffy and your nose was running, you're yakking--

Lana: Okay, okay. I get the picture.

Jason: All I'm saying is the reasons I love you... it's not something you can see in a mirror.  That's good. I'm gonna write that down and use that later. 


Jonathan: I guess practice ran late, huh? 

Clark: Dad, I'm sorry I disappointed you. But I'm staying on the team. I'm tired of living my life on the sidelines.

Jonathan: I realize that, Clark. I also realize that you're a senior in high school, and from now on, you're gonna be making a lot of your own decisions. But if you want to be seen as an adult in this family, then you have to start acting like one.  Adults in this family don't run off and do things without discussing them first.

Clark: I know. That's why I have just one question for you. You gonna let some assistant coach from Metropolis teach your boy how to play football? 

Jonathan: Go deep.  Yeah! 


Chloe: Admiring the genius within, huh?

Lois:  It had a typo. 

Chloe: Oh, nice try. So I followed up on the Abby storyline, and it looks like Mother Makeover is gonna be playing "mirror, mirror" on the psych ward wall from now on.

Lois: Is Abby gonna be okay?

Chloe: Yeah, she'll be back next week. So are you excited for your first pep rally?

Lois: Hmm, not exactly the Friday night I've been dreaming of.

Chloe: Oh, come on, it's your debut as Smallville's newest celeb.

Lois: Yeah, right. One plastics 'R' us piece, and they're gonna be holding tables all over town for me.

Chloe: You'd be surprised. I mean, not that I'm ceding my stance on a woman's right to choose rhinoplasty, but...  you've got fan mail. Looks like your little exposé struck a couple chords.

Lois: I didn't even expect anybody to read this, let alone have a...  "A life-changing experience"? Please.

Chloe: Whatever. Say what you want, but I know inside, it's getting to you. Welcome to the bullpen, Miss Lane.  Now, I'm off to see Clark Kent in a wet T-shirt. Care to join me?

Lois:  Like I've never seen that before. 


Jason: Keep your eye on the target.

Clark: Come on, Lois! Didn't those guys on the base teach you anything?

Lois: Wouldn't you like to know?  Doesn't matter 'cause you are going down.

Clark: That'll be the day.

Everyone: Dunk! Dunk! Dunk! Dunk! Dunk! Dunk! 

Lois: Whoo!


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Updated 9/25/08  

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