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Smallville Transcripts


First aired October 29th, 2010

Lois and Clark

Provided by Susana

Lois: Our twilight zone acid trip to the phantom prison, that place was....?

Clark: Kryptonian.

[ Lois nods ]

Lois: And that horny toad looking thing that crashed Chloe and Jimmy's wedding?

Clark: Kryptonian.

[ Lois nods ]

Lois: And the spaceship, that I found in the woods near the dam?

Clark: Also Kryptonian, that wasn't mine it was my cousin's.

[ Lois gulps ]

Lois: Sorry about the third degree Clark, it's just not every week that a girl learns her boyfriend's an...

Clark: Alien? And you're still okay with that?

Lois: Are you kidding me? It's like dating a god or Bono.

[ Clark smiles ]

[ Lois smiles back warmly ]

Lois: At least were on a story in the boonies, and I get to play 20 questions, without our nosy little kitty Cat sniffing around.

Clark: It's lucky that Tess sent us out here to cover the Harvest Festival.

Lois: Clark Kent doesn't believe in luck. But you do, Clark.

[ Lois raises her eyebrows ]

Clark: I didn't want you in the middle of tonight's anti-hero protest.

Lois: Clark that should've been my story! Why did you chop-block me?

Clark: Lois we both know that your articles in support of the Blur put you in the eye of the anti-hero storm.

Lois: So what you're gonna lock me in a castle tower like I'm some damsel in distress?

Clark: Lois I just want to make sure that you're safe.

Lois: Clark I love that an intergalactic powerhouse wants to protect me, but this Earth girl can take care of herself.

[ Tire explodes ]

Clark: I didn't even see what we hit.

Lois: Two flats and only one spare. Looks like a job for Triple A.

[ Phone beeps ]

Lois: And there's no reception. [ Tsk ]

[ Clark smiles ]

Lois: Want me to change that tire for ya?

[ Clark chuckles ]

Clark: I think I can handle it. [ opens trunk ]

Lois: Wow. [ Lois smiles ]

[ Clark lifts the car, Lois chuckles ]

Lois: Thank you.

Charlotte: Oh praise the Lord. You're okay.

Clark: Okay, it's nothing a mechanic can't fix. Do you know where there's one by?

Charlotte: Um, up the road a bit, In Meeker Springs.

Clark: Thanks. Alright Lois, well we'll leave now we'll be back in a flash.

Lois: Oh but Clark, I'm such a delicate flower, I will...I will wilt in that heat. I think I'll just stay with um..?

Charlotte: Charlotte, ma'am. I got some fresh squeezed lemonade if you'd like.

Lois: Uh lovely, so we will have a big glass as we damsels in distress wait for Clark to come rescue us.

[ Clark smiles sarcastically ]

[ Charlotte leaves ]

Clark: Lois, is there a problem?

Lois: Okay, first it's not safe in the asphalt jungle, and now I'm at risk in green acres?

Clark: Look, we are in the middle of nowhere.

Lois: You think horse and buggy girl is going to hurt me? What is she going to do dimple me to death?

Charlotte: Here you go.

Lois: Thank you, Charlotte.

[ Charlotte nods ]

Charlotte: Mmhm.

Lois: Now, why don't we watch while my night and shining armor, saves the day. It's going to be a long walk Lancelot, but we will be right here waiting for your triumphant return.

[ Clark leaves annoyed ]

Lois: Still watching.

[ Air whoosh ]

Clark: Lois? Lois!

[ Credits roll in ]

Clark: Lois!

[ Phone beeps ]

Clark: No service.

[ Clark grunts in pain ]

Sheriff: Something I can help you with?

[ Clark closes the trunk ]

Clark: My girlfriend, she's missing. I went into town to get a flat fixed and, and now she's gone. We were in a bit of an argument when I left, and I thought maybe she was still mad at me but, I can't find her. You know I've searched everywhere.

Sheriff: Better wrap that. Cut looks pretty nasty, how bad was your little argument?

Clark: No, this was from the rim of the tire, that's where I cut it. Look there was a girl here, she might know where my girlfriend went.

Sheriff: Girl?

Clark: Charlotte, she's about 12 years old, she was selling produce on the side of the road, she had a horse and buggy.

Sheriff: We're in the middle of nowhere [ Scoffs ] Never seen anybody set up shop here [ laughs ] there's not enough traffic.

Clark: Well I know what I saw alright, I'm not making this up.

Sheriff: Why don't we go down to the station.

Clark: I'm not going anywhere till Lois gets back.

Sheriff: Mister calm yourself down.

Clark: Look. [ Picks up wood ] This must be what we ran over. Now if our blow out wasn't an accident, someone could've done this on purpose.

Sheriff: I think you better get a move on before you get yourself in some trouble.

Clark: I'm just trying to show you.

Sheriff: I'm not going to say it again.

[ Clark throws wood down ]

Clark: Those are tracks from the horse and buggy, now if there was no girl how do you explain those?

Sheriff: They do look fresh. Run up the log and road a bit. Alright you proved your point, lets take a hike. If your girlfriend is out there, we'll find her.

[ Clark nods ]

Charlotte: Giddyup. Hiya, come on.

Lois: Look at you ride that horse. At your age the best I could do was drive my dad crazy. Lucky for me you were around. So how much longer before our carbon free hay ride gets us to the train station?

Charlotte: Oh not much, but I'm not allowed to go into town. My father will give you a ride from here.

Lois: As long as I can make the express back to cover the rally, I'm happy. I am not going to miss out on a front page story just because he thinks I can't take care of myself. So your town is quaint, how many people live out here?

Charlotte: Our whole congregation. We're believers, father bought this land long before I was born, I moved us out here from Idaho, so we could all live together. Whoa.

Lois: Looks like you're having some sort of shindig.

Charlotte: It's the Harvest Festival. Whole town comes out to celebrate.

Ruth: Bless us child, did you bring a guest to our home unannounced whom we are unprepared to welcome? I'm Ruth, Ruth Cavanaugh.

Lois: Lois Lane.

Charlotte: Miss Lane just needs father to give her a ride to the train station. So she can get back to the city.

Lois: I don't mean to impose, Charlotte just offered.

Ruth: Oh never an imposition to help those in need. But my husband likes his supper promptly at sundown, he'll take you right after we eat.

Lois: You know if you point the way, I'm sure I could just hoof it from here.

Ruth: Oh don't be foolish, if you're not familiar with these parts you could get lost in those woods. Stay, break bread with us.

Charlotte: Mother always makes more then enough.

Lois: [ sighs ] Rally's not for another couple hours, and I could really use a home cooked meal.

Ruth: Good. Good. Go fetch your father, Charlotte. Tell him the ham needs carving. This way.

[ Charlotte runs over to her dad ]

Charlotte: Did you see her father?

Joshua: Good work child. You've saved us all.

[ All together ]: Happy Birthday Alexander! [ Cheering ]

[ Glass chiming ]

[ All together ]: Happy Birthday

Alex: Thank you. This is the best party ever.

Tess: You're welcome. I have a little bit of work to do so make sure you save me a really big piece of cake okay?

[ Alex nods ]

Alex: Okay.

Tess: Okay.

[ Tess closes the door ]

Lady: My team is still searching for a remedy. But I don't want to make any false promises. All our tests indicate that his condition is irreversible. If the accelerated mitosis persists his body will eventually give out. I'm very sorry.

Tess: He's aged 4 years in 2 weeks, so sorry isn't good enough!

Lady: He needs to be at the facility where we can study him around the clock.

Tess: Alexander stays here, with me. I want him to believe that he is like any normal child.

Lady: But we both know he's not normal. And no matter how many parties you throw him, he never will be.

Tess: I just want to protect him. I want to give him a second chance. Dr. Lamel I know that you have a hand in the horror that Lex Luthor committed in his labs over the years. And I chose you to run this team because I know deep down in your heart, you want to make things right.

Lady: More then anything.

Tess: You find me a cure to save Alexander and I promise you, I will not let him become that monster.

[ Thud ]

[ girl screams ]

Kid: Help, help! Someone come quick!

Tess: Alexander. Do something, help him.

[ Alex groans ]

Clark: Lois, Lois!

Sheriff: Mister I think we're barking up the wrong tree, there's nothing out here for miles. Look these tracks are probably left by hunters, they bring in carts back in here to haul up game all the time.

Clark: Do they also leave spikes in the road to give people flat tires?

Sheriff: [ Groans ] Two by four probably fell off a passing truck. Look It's only natural for you to be worried about your girlfriend.

Clark: She's the most important thing in my life.

Sheriff: Well you said she was upset with you, I bet she hitched a ride. You go back to Metropolis and I guarantee she'll be waiting.

Clark: There's crystals in this water?

Sheriff: Ah, meteor shower '89. Couple meteors hit the spring.

Clark: Blue meteor rock?

Sheriff: Yeah killed one local and destroyed acres of crops. But it did give us a gift, [ pumps water ] Best drinking water in the county. Meteor seems to purify it.

Clark: And everyone here's ok?

[ Sheriff nods ]

Clark: Because I grew up in Smallville, the green meteor rock has been harming people for the last twenty years.

Sheriff: Not here. I've been drinking this water my whole life, I haven't had so much as a common cold. [ Chuckles ] Yup we're all just fine.

[ Bell chimes in distance ]

Clark: There's nothing out here then what was that?

Sheriff: Something I wish you hadn't heard.

[ Hits Clark with gun ]

[ Door opens ]

Alex: I'm sorry I ruined the party.

Tess: It's not your fault.

Alex: I know that somethings wrong with me. I'm a freak.

Tess: No, no you're not. You're a beautiful little boy, and I promise you that I am going to make everything ok. Okay? You have to tell me something, right before you blacked out you were drawing this. How do you know this symbol?

Alex: It-It's just a drawing.

Tess: Alexander I found these hidden in your closet. Please tell me what they mean to you.

Alex: It's the symbol, of the bad man. He comes into my dreams, to hurt me.

Tess: I'd never let anyone hurt you.

Alex: You can't stop him.

Tess: You're safe here.

Alex: No! He's the strongest man in the whole world. You can't protect me.

Tess: I'd never let anything happen to you.

Alex: He wants to kill me! [ Throws box hard ]

Tess: I know this is hard for you to believe when you're so frightened, Alexander I'm here for you...

[ Door closes, Alex locks it ]

Tess: Alexander?

[ Tries to open door ]

Tess: Alexander! Alexander!

Lois: Yummy, and to think you fixed this all without a kitchen aide or Costco.

Joshua: We believe in living a simple life. No modern technology and no worldly temptation. We keep to ourselves, helps us stay on the righteous paths.

Lois: Uh, speaking of paths; isn't it time we [ tsk ] hit the road?

Joshua: Our teachings say when people come together to eat; you make time for your fellow man.

Lois: Oh trust me, you don't forget Sunday school on the military base.

Joshua: You should finish your dinner.

Ruth: It would be bad luck for our guest to leave our table early on the night of the harvest celebration.

Lois: As long as we hit the road as soon as we're finished. I would love to stay and see the festivities one day. Bet that's a lot of fun.

Joshua: Fun has nothing to do with it. We glorify the day we were shown the Lords side.

Lois: What exactly was a sign?

Joshua: Fire came from the heavens, tear down our village.

Ruth: And our daughter Esther was taken from us. She was ringing the town bell to warn everyone of the danger. She was struck down where she stood.

Lois: Oh I am so sorry, that's awful.

Joshua: Before that we suffered a terrible drought, been years of bad crops, people were hungry and sick. But our daughter gave her life so that we could all prosper.

Charlotte: Ever since our crops have been bountiful and our people never get sick.

Joshua: Amen.

Lois: And you think this happened because your daughter died? I'm pretty sure that didn't make it into the good book I read.

Joshua: I don't expect you to understand, you're not a believer. But every year since her death, we have offered our Lord a sacrifice. And he has rewarded us.

Ruth: If you're done I'll clear your plate.

Lois: Oh yeah, stuffed. Thank you. It's lovely. Pst Charlotte, I'm a little squeamish when it comes to the slaughtering of the fatted calf, so just tell your parents thank you ok? I'm-I'm gonna go.

Charlotte: We'll never let you leave.

Lois: What?

Charlotte: You've been chosen, just like my sister. This was your last supper.

[ Lois opens the door and runs ]

[ Guys grab her and Lois tries to fight off ]

Joshua: Rejoice my people! We have our sacrifice!

[ All together ]: Praise the Lord.

Lois: Get off me! [ groans ] What is wrong with you people?!

Lois: Clark? Clark, wake up.

Clark: Lois. What happened to you?

Lois: I really stepped in it. I was steamed you kept me from that rally scoop, and I ended up dropping us in the village of the damned.

Clark: I've been looking for you for hours. [ hugs ] Just glad you're okay.

Lois: Won't be for long, these holy rollers from hell wanna make me a human sacrifice so they can grow bigger tomatoes. I promise to eat a heaping helping of crow when we get back home but right now do your super speedy thing, because this fair lady needs some rescuing big time.

Clark: I can't.

Lois: Clark, now is not the time for jokes.

Clark: Lois the water is contaminated with blue meteor rock. They've been drinking it for years.

Lois: Maybe that's what makes them so healthy. Not to mention a little wackadoodle.

Clark: No that's not all Lois it's infected their bodies, when I'm around them I don't have my abilities. I've got to get far enough away from them so my powers can come back.

Lois: Meteor rock. Maybe that's why when I pulled that blue dagger out of your chest you-you healed.

Clark: You did that?

Lois: Yeah.

Clark: Lois you didn't just heal me, you brought me back. You saved me.

Lois: Oh....sometimes even the hero needs a guardian angel Clark.

Clark: I just wish you had wings that could fly us out of here. The house seems to be surrounded. Our best chance is for me to get past the guards before they fire shot.

Lois: Okay I hate to burst your bubble Smallville, but without your powers you won't be able to outrun their speeding bullets.

[ Floor creaks ]

Lois: Maybe there's another way out of dodge.

[ Lifts carpet with her foot ]

Lois: Clark. if this leads to a cellar there might be a way out of here.

[ Clark and Lois start moving chairs and the table ]

Lois: Clark.

[ Clark tries to pull the handle but can't, Clark groans ]

Clark: I can't.

Lois: Whenever the General grounded me I always found a way to escape. This army brat has picked more locks than Harry Houdini.

[ Picks lock, and opens it ]

Lois: In the meantime you should change your clothes, or you're going to stick out like a stripper in a seminary.

[ Clark starts taking off his shirt, Lois watches him ]

Lois: [ Sighs ] Why are we never someplace romantic when he takes off his shirt? [ Bites lip ]

Tess: Thank you for locating him, I'll take it from here. Alexander.

Alex: This barn is just like I remember.

Tess: But you've never been here before.

Alex: Yes I have. You see his bowtie? It was the first one he ever wore, and I tied it for

Tess: That was probably just a dream.

Alex: No, it was real. Right here he told me that we'd be friends forever. That he wanted to be my brother, and at the window [ sighs ] I told him that our friendship would be the thing of legend.

Tess: Alexander, if that's what you want you have a chance to make that happen.

Alex: How can I ever trust Clark again? He made my father hate me, he took away everything that I ever cared about. And the last time I was up here, I begged him to tell me the truth about himself, but as always he denied who he really was.

Tess: Clark is not the bad man, Alexander, Lex is. He used you just like he used me. And you don't deserve what's happened. You don't have to buy in to his memories, I will help you.

Alex: Why? So you can feel good about yourself? So you can exercise those demons deep within your soul? It's not what you've always wanted? To save the world so you could redeem the evil inside you?

Tess: Stop it.

Alex: But you couldn't do it alone. So you clung to powerful men.

Tess: Enough!

Alex: First Oliver Queen, then me, then Zod, and now Clark Kent.

[ Tess slaps Alexander and he falls down hard ]

Tess: I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I-I just want to help you, I know that I can do this, I know that I can save you.

Alex: How can you save me when there's so much you don't even know about yourself.

Tess: Please, please. Alexander.

Alex: Don't call me that. My name is Lex.

Lady: Sister! You don't have flowers for the celebration.

Lois: Thank you, sister.

[ Grabs Lois hard ]

Lady: It's you!

Lois: Well I guess you can't get the city out of this country girl huh? [ Punches Lady ]

[ Clark grabs Lois and runs ]

Clark: Come on let's go.

Lady: Don't let them get away!

[ Lois falls and Clark picks her up ]

Joshua: You will be offered up tonight.

Clark: I won't let you hurt her.

Joshua: You are a mere mortal, and you will not defy the will of our Lord.

[ Cuts Clark in the stomach, Clark groans in pain ]

Lois: Clark. [ Men grab Lois ] No! Clark! Clark!! Clark! Clark, Clark! Get off me!

[ Lois crying ]

Lois: You didn't have to kill him.

Joshua: He would've told others about us.

[ Lois breathes in ]

Joshua: No one can keep us from our holy task. Our Lord has shown us the light.

Lois: Light? You justify this by calling it a sacrifice, but you know it's murder.

[ Joshua shakes his head ]

Lois: Whatever happened to 'thou shalt not kill?'

Joshua: We follow his example. Every year for 20 years, a young woman has been sacrificed with fire from above, just like Esther. And for that, our Lord has rewarded his devoted flock. My daughter was the first to give her life, you won't be the last.

Lois: I can't imagine the pain you must have suffered, when you lost Esther. But killing all of those women in her name was wrong, and she would be ashamed of how you've led your people astray.

Joshua: Silence! You do not understand, because you do not have faith.

Lois: I have faith! I have faith! Faith has nothing to do with blindly following this misguided messiah. I believe in knowing right from wrong. Just like you all do, deep down you know this isn't right.

Joshua: She does not know what we suffered before his firey wrath rained down from the heavens. But you remember those dark days, if we let her live a vengeful god will smite us yet again, and mark my words this time he will take one of your daughters. Ben, would you give up your daughter Sarah?

[ Ben shakes his head ]

Joshua: Any of you? I say better to sacrifice a non-believer. Then to lose another one of our own.

Lois: You don't have to do this, this won't ma--

Joshua: Shh.

Lois: It won't....

Joshua: Shh. God forgives you.

Lady: You think he was still alive when we buried him?

Sheriff: If he was....he's dead now. Forced our hand, should've listened to me and headed back to the city when he had the chance. Come one now, ceremonies about to begin.

[ Both leave, light sounds, Clark's hand comes out of the ground ]

[ People chanting ]

Joshua: Let us pray. Dear Lord, accept this offering as our complete devotion to you. Take her, so that your people may see another harvest of bountiful crops and another year without sickness.

[ All together ]: Praise the Lord!

[ Fire shot ]

[ Gun cocks ]

Clark: Get away from her.

Lois: Clark.

Joshua: No she must be sacrificed. [ Pulls lever ]

[ Clark gets burned and yells in agony ]

Joshua: This is a trick.

Lois: Clark. Clark.

Sheriff: Look at what he's been through Joshua, and he's still alive. It's a sign!

[ Clark's back starts healing ]

Lois: Yes, it's a sign. Move back, way back...far away from him. You are not worthy to be in his presence. Drop your weapon and beg for forgiveness. No I don't think you get it, he is a-a messenger sent from the heavens.

Joshua: I don't believe you.

Clark: Lois.

Lois: Oh you better believe it. Because if you don't listen he will strike down upon thee, with great vengeance and furious anger, and he will use his-his heat vision to raise your village and his super breath to smite your crops.

Clark: Amen.

Lois: [ Softly to Clark ] What do you say you speed us away from these children of the corn, honey?

[ Clark picks Lois up, Lois gives out a little girly squeak ]

[ Clark super speeds away ]

[ Joshua drops his gun amazed ]

Tess: Is this all that you were able to make?

Lady: Considering we just found the research we were only able to synthesis a small amount. But it's a start.

Tess: You said Alexander's condition was irreversible.

Lady: That's what we believed. But on your advice we scoured the Luthorcorp database and came across Pier Dinsmores work. He's the architect of Lionel Luthor's genetic engineering program. He cloned his own daughter and encountered the same celebrated mitosis complication. But I was able to use his research and formulate that serum.

Tess: Cure. To save Alexander.

Lady: It's a breakthrough we wanted.

[ Tess nods ]

Lady: This could be the redemption we both have been praying for.

Tess: I wanted so badly to save that little boy. [ Tears start to fall ]

[ Tess throws the vile into the fire, glass shatters ]

Lady: What are you doing?!

Tess: Destroy all of your research, and in the morning he will be locked up again...for everyone's safety.

Lady: If we don't begin his therapy immediately he'll be dead in 6 weeks.

Tess: That's the point. Because he's not just a clone, he is Lex Luthor.

Lois: Hey, it seems our Steven King's romp in the backwoods bumped Cat Grant's anti-hero crusade. [ Shows paper ] From column 1.

Clark: Leave it to Lois and Clark to turn a quiet day in the country to a major scoop.

Lois: My friends at the borough said our Koresh wannabe's were solo profile they weren't on anybody's radar.

Clark: I just wish we would have found them sooner we could have saved so many lives. I just don't understand how the believers would allow themselves to be led down such a dark path. [ Shakes head ]

Lois: I guess there's so much chaos out there people are just desperate for something to give them hope. Now more then ever, the world needs someone to believe in.

Clark: I think I know where this is going.

Lois: Hear me out Clark, okay? I wasn't a big fan of Ollie's coming out party and, I used to think that it was best for you to stay in the shadows too but, maybe someday soon you'll have to step into the light. You could be a symbol to inspire everyone that this planet could be a better place.

Clark: I'm not sure anyone is ready to believe in a stranger from a strange land.

Lois: If they know the real Clark Kent, then I am sure the rest of the world will believe in you as much as I do.

Clark: I'm sorry I was so overprotective, I was trying to keep you safe.

Lois: If it wasn't for you, I would be a crispy critter in Hellsville.

[ Clark shakes his head ]

Clark: No, you held your own. Even when I didn't have my powers, [ sighs ] Lois you saved my life.

Lois: Guess there's enough danger out there for everyone. We just have to trust that we'll always be there for each other, when times get tough.

[ Clark smiles ]

Clark: Which is why I want you to have this. [ Hands her the book ]

Lois: Uh, the unabridged user's guide to all things Kryptonian?

Clark: It may fill in a few blanks. I want you to know me completely with no secrets. 'Cause you're the one. You always will be. [ Both smile ]

[ Clark kisses Lois ]

[ Alexander shaves his head ]

[ He smiles to himself ]

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Updated 3/15/11  


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