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Smallville Transcripts


First aired November 27, 2001

picture from "Craving"

Provided by Glynis

Mr. Melville: You know, uh, if you're not in the mood for my spaghetti, we could always order in Thai.

Jody: No spaghetti, no Thai. I-I want to look good for Lana's birthday party.

Mr. Melville: I just think that maybe you're focusing a little too hard on this one party.

Jody: It's not just the party. It's everything. It's - nobody likes me, and why should they? I'm a cow. But... I've got a new plan -- from now on, no more food - just this.

Chloe: Cutting the heads off supermodels - It's kind of redundant, isn't it.

Jody: Just looking for outfit ideas. I still don't have anything to wear to Lana's party. What's up?

Chloe: Uh, Pete and I were kind of hoping you could give us a quick algebra download.

Jody: I thought Clark usually helps you guys.

Pete: He's a little preoccupied helping the birthday girl.

Jody: Oh.

Chloe: We'll even buy you lunch.

Pete: That looks, uh... appetizing.

Jody: Losing weight is never pretty.

Dustin: Hey, Ross, we're getting a little game together. You want in, or you want to keep whale watching?

Pete: Dustin, back off.

Dustin: Ooh, chill out, cool guy. I didn't know you were a cubby chaser. Oh!

Pete: Jody, wait!

Dustin: Oh, man. You'd think someone that big would have a thicker skin.

Chloe: You'd think someone that stupid would have a thicker head.

Mr. Melville: Jody, we've talked about this. Starving yourself isn't the way.

Jody: I'm tired of waiting - waiting and weighing and keeping a diary of everything that I eat so that I can feel guilty if I have one extra grape.

Mr. Melville: I understand all of that, but you can't just stop eating. It's not healthy.

Mr. Melville: Honey, you're beautiful already, just like your mother.

Jody: No, Dad, I'm not. Mom wasn't fat.

Doctor Vargas: Okay, that's enough.

Lex: Done already?

Doctor Vargas: Yeah. It looks like your heart could go on like that forever.

Lex: Good. Then I won't have to go through this physical nonsense for five years.

Doctor Vargas: Well, let's hope not. There is one thing I need to talk to you about. Your blood work came in. You have an unusually elevated white cell count.

Lex: What? Like Leukemia? That's not likely. I don't get sick.

Doctor Vargas: Are you on any medication?

Lex: Nope.

Doctor Vargas: Do you have any allergies?

Lex: No.

Doctor Vargas: Childhood illness?

Lex: Asthma.

Doctor Vargas: When did that stop?

Lex: The day I lost my hair. Is this going somewhere?

Doctor Vargas: If this were anywhere else, I'd order a battery of tests, but I do see a lot of this in Smallville.

Lex: Why should Smallville be any different?

Doctor Vargas: Well... Some say it's because the LutherCorp plant has contaminated the environment.

Lex: I very much doubt that. Let's order those tests.

Nell: Now, I want this to be special. What do you think about a 3-tier birthday cake?

Lana: Thanks for the lifeline.

Clark: It's a math midterm. It's not like I pulled you out of a burning building.

Lana: I still appreciate it.

Nell: Lana, I just wanted to get your opinion on the balloons. I think white always looks good.

Lana: Works for me.

Nell: Okay.

Lana: This whole birthday extravaganza has been pretty distracting.

Clark: Having a birthday party at Lex's mansion seems pretty cool to me.

Lana: It stopped being my party a long time ago. If it was up to me, it would be pizza and loud music with my friends.

Clark: Did you tell Nell that?

Lana: We've been through a lot in the past few months. I figure I should give her this one.

Whitney: Lana, guess what?

Lana: The scout called!

Whitney: I just head - I go the tryout with Kansas State!

Lana: That's incredible!

Clark: Hey, congrats.

Whitney: I haven't said yes yet. They want me there on Saturday, but that's your big night.

Lana: It's Nell's big night. I was just telling Clark it wasn't important.

Clark: Yeah, scout's honor.

Lana: I want you to go.

Clark: Hey, I'll catch up with you guys later.

Pete: Clark, I'm telling you - this is good news for you.

Clark: Kansas State gives Whitney a full scholarship and Lana gives him a tongue bath. How is that good news?

Chloe: Even I'm having a hard time following the skewed Ross logic.

Pete: Lana's gonna be dateless for her own party.

Jody: Hi. Pete.

Pete: Jody?

Chloe: You look...

Jody: Thinner?

Chloe: I was still looking for an euphemism, but yeah.

Clark: Are you okay?

Jody: Never better. My diet's just starting to pay off. I bought some new clothes.

Pete: You look great.

Jody: Thank you for sticking up for me yesterday. Most people wouldn't have done that.

Pete: Most people can't stand Dustin.

Jody: Yeah. Listen... I was wondering - do you have a date for Lana's party?

Clark: no, he's still free.

Jody: Would you like to go with me?

Clark: He'd love to.

Jody: Great. Okay, well, I'll see you later.

Pete: Bye.

Chloe: I don't get it.

Pete: Women dig me. Get used to it.

Chloe: No, I mean Jody - It's like she lost that weight overnight.

Clark: If she could, half the school would be after that secret.

Chloe: Let's go.

Lana: Hello.

Martha: Lana! Hi. Come in.

Jonathan: Hey, Lana, can I, uh, interest you in a latte?

Lana: I'll pass - bad waitressing flashbacks. I brought over the produce order for the party.

Martha: Well, you could have called it in.

Lana: and miss a chance to get out of the house? Nell's planning this party like a royal wedding.

Martha: Oh, yeah, I can tell.

Clark: Dad, I got the post in the west field. I hit some granite, but I jammed it through.

Lana: Very impressive.

Clark: I had a sledgehammer.

Lana: Aah.

Jonathan: Somebody's gotta work around here.

Clark: I though you'd be posing for ice sculptures by now.

Lana: I'm hiding out.

Clark: You have my sympathies, and Whitney's not even here for backup.

Lana: I know. I was contemplating stowing away in the back of his truck on Saturday.

Clark: A no-show at your own party - that would keep the town talking.

Lana: I wouldn't do that to Nell. It's just... All this attention is a little unnerving.

Clark: You know, so I can fend off the throngs of adoring fans.

Lana: I'd like that.

Clark: Great.

Lana: I better go. Um, if I'm away too long Nell will probably send out a search party.

Lana: And, Clark... Promise me you'll make it this time.

Clark: I promise.

Lana: Thanks. Bye.

Martha: Escort to fend off the adoring fans?

Clark: What's wrong with that?

Martha: Nothing, Clark. I just don't want to see you get hurt.

Clark: Mom, Lana and I are just friends.

Martha: Okay. I'm ...I'm officially butting out. So, what are you gonna get her for her birthday?

Clark: I don't know. Any ideas?

Martha: My mother always said the best gifts come from the heart.

Mr. Melville: Jody, you feeling okay? You look a little...

Jody: Uh - yeah, don't worry, Dad. I'm feeling great. I even got a date for Lana's party.

Mr. Melville: Jody, that's terrific, but I want you to eat something more than those, uh, shake things, all right?

Jody: You know what? I will. I'm done counting calories.

Mr. Melville: Oh, I've gotta go. Don't stay up too late.

Jody: Okay. Bye.

Chloe: Getting your morning Lana fix?

Clark: Chloe, don't you ever knock?

Chloe: It's a barn, Clark.

Clark: Is there a reason you're here so early or do you just enjoy busting my chops?

Chloe: Little of both. Did you hear about the accident last night? A deer was his on Route 5.

Clark: That's not exactly Wall of Weird material.

Chloe: Check out the paper. Animal control said that the deer died of causes unknown.

Clark: So?

Chloe: Well... Not much unknown about a bumper at 60 miles an hour.

Clark: I'd love to run down theories with you, but I've got chores to do. I still haven't figured out what to get Lana for her birthday.

Chloe: Well, you or your family knows people at animal control, right?

Clark: One of the perks of growing upon a farm.

Chloe: Well, I was thinking, maybe we could stop by there before school. You could use your pull. We could take a couple of pictures. I'll help you out with your gift-giving dilemma.

Clark: Okay. But I want it to be something unique.

Chloe: Just don't make it as unique as what you gave me last year.

Chloe: Very impressive use of pull: "Can I use your bathroom?"

Clark: I can't believe we're creeping around looking for road kill.

Chloe: The deer's in there. The door's locked. Um, I'm gonna go find a maintenance worker.

Clark: Chloe, it's open.

Chloe: How'd you do that?

Clark: Kent charm.

Chloe: Lift it up. Go.

Clark: Looks like jerky.

Chloe: The lab report says the deer lost something like 80% of its body fat. It's like it's been lipo-suctioned to death.

Clark: What do you think it is, Chloe - some fat-sucking vampire in town?

Chloe: This is Smallville, Clark - land of the weird, home of the strange.

Mr. Melville: Jody, honey, are you - are you okay in there?

Jody: Yeah, Dad, I'm fine.

Mr. Melville: Well, I-I'm afraid I've got some bad news. I've got to go to Metropolis for a few days, or I'm gonna lose this client.

Jody: When will you be back?

Mr. Melville: Not till Sunday morning, which means I'm gonna miss your big date.

Jody: It's okay. It's no big deal.

Mr. Melville: Well, do you think maybe I could see you before I leave?

Jody: Oh. I'm kind of indecent at the moment.

Mr. Melville: Honey, I think that maybe we need to talk to somebody.

Jody: I don't need a shrink.

Mr. Melville: I just want you to look in a mirror and be happy.

Jody: Daddy, I am.

Clark: Most of my friends are trying to get out of high school.

Lex: I was meeting with your principal. Apparently, you guys are in dire need of a new computer lab. I figured I could help.

Clark: They might even name a lunch special after you. How'd you end up here?

Lex: My plant manager, Gabe. He's always going on about his daughter, the reporter in the Torch. Thought Id drop by and say hello. She wasn't around, but I was struck by this.

Clark: That's Chloe's hobby. She thinks she can trace all the freak things in Smallville to the meteor shower.

Lex: Interesting theory.

Clark: Most people think its crazy.

Lex: Maybe. Do you remember where you were when it fell?

Clark: Not really. My parents hadn't adopted me yet.

Lex: I do. I was right here in Smallville. My mother wanted me to spend some quality time with my dad. He brought me here on a business trip - just a quick hop to Smallville to finalize a deal. Funny how one day can change your whole life.

Clark: What happened?

Lex: I was out in a cornfield when the first meteor hit. It was like a tidal wave coming at me. Then everything went black. Next thing I remember, I was waking up in Metropolis General completely bald.

Clark: Lex, I didn't know.

Lex: Not many people do, Clark. He gets up and walks towards the wall. I should've died that day. Instead I walked away with this.

Clark: I'm sorry.

Lex: Why? It's not your fault.

Lex: When I was younger, I though it was a curse. Kids figured I was a freak or on chemo. Then I began to see it as my gift, the thing that defined me, that gave me strength.

Clark: Do you ever wonder what you'd be like, you know, if you hadn't come that day?

Lex: It doesn't matter, Clark. It happened. Personally, I think my future's gonna be brighter than that spoiled, rich brat who walked into that cornfield.

Chloe: Mr. Luthor.

Lex: It's Lex. Clark was just telling me your meteor theory. I like it. Especially since most people think my company is secretly behind everything that goes wrong in Smallville.

Chloe: That's the reigning theory.

Lex: Are you the only on that blames the meteors instead of me?

Chloe: Pretty much. Well, there is Mr. Hamilton.

Clark: Except most people don't have too high a regard for a guy who sells plastic meteor chips to tourists.

Lex: Doesn't exactly inspire confidence. Call me when you're looking for a summer job. I've got friends over at the Inquisitor. I'll see you tomorrow. I hear you're escorting the birthday girl. Nice work.

Clark: We're just going as friends.

Lex: Sure you are. Hope you got her a nice gift.

Clark: Yeah.

Pete: Jody, I didn't see you in class. Are you okay?

Jody: Yeah, I'm fine. Just stomach flu. I can't keep anything down.

Pete: Maybe you should go see the nurse.

Jody: I've got it under control.

Pete: Are you sure you're okay?

Jody: I'm fine. I just need to rest up for tomorrow night.

Pete: Look, if you don't feel up to it, I'll understand.

Jody: Are you kidding? I wouldn't miss this for the world.

Dustin: Hey, Jody, I've been watching you.

Jody: I'll bet you have.

Dustin: Hitting the gym was a good idea.

Jody: You should take your own advice.

Dustin: Whoa. You all right?

Jody: I'm just a little hungry.

Dustin: Huh.

Jody: You, uh, like what you see?

Dustin: Totally.

Jody: I'll bet you wouldn't mind seeing a little bit more, would you? Follow me.

Clark: "Confederacy of Dunces".

Lana: First edition.

Clark: Early birthday gift?

Lana: From Whitney. I couldn't believe it.

Clark: It's a cool gift.

Lana: That's the thing with Whitney. Sometimes I think he's a million miles away, and then he surprises me with something like this.

Clark: How are things on the party front?

Lana: I surrendered. I told Nell to make the final decisions without me.

Clark: I cannot believe how anti-birthday you are. Haven't you ever had a happy birthday?

Lana: Once. I went to a drive-in.

Clark: That doesn't sound like Nell's style.

Lana: It was with my parents. My dad pulled the car up the front row so that the screen filled up the entire windshield. I remember feeling all grown up because I got to sit in the front seat with them. The played Bugs Bunny cartoons before the movie started. I was cold, so my mom wrapped me up in her sweater.

Clark: That sounds nice.

Lana: I fell asleep before the movie even started between my mom and dad. That's the last time I can remember feeling completely safe.

Clark: That's a great memory.

Dustin: Hey... We're fine. No one's gonna see us.

Jody: Good.

Dustin: You don't think I, uh, I never meant that stuff I said about you when you were...

Jody: Fat? You thought it was funny calling me names, making me cry, making me wish that I were dead rather than fat.

Dustin: Well, what can I say?

Jody: You can say you're sorry.

Dustin: Ahhhh!

Hamilton: Ah! Don't... Touch that! You're not sterile and you're not me.

Lex: My apologies, Dr. Hamilton.

Hamilton: Ugh. You don't have a website, do you?

Lex: Excuse me?

Hamilton: They're usually the ones who track me down - freaks with websites.

Lex: I'm just a fan.

Hamilton: Ah.

Lex: Lex Luthor.

Hamilton: The billionaire's son? Mineralogists don't have fans. Come on.

Lex: Most mineralogists didn't handle the first Apollo moon rocks.

Hamilton: That was a lifetime ago, when I was a respectable scientist.

Lex: You know, we may have a few things in common. I was kicked out of Metropolis University, too.

Hamilton: Uh-huh.

Lex: Ever since I found out about a medical condition I have, I've become very interested in your work, Dr. Hamilton.

Hamilton: And you think it has something to do with the meteors.

Lex: Isn't that your theory? That meteors somehow alter cellular makeup? That sounds to me like research worth funding.

Hamilton: Yeah, well, sorry, my funding is private, and so are my results.

Lex: Your funding comes from tourists.

Hamilton: If you are so interested in meteors, here, take one. Enjoy it. I have nothing else for sale.

Lex: When you change your mind, you know where to find me.

Chloe: I called the hospital this morning. Dustin's in a coma. His body went into shock from the loss of fat. He hasn't told the police anything.

Clark: Time to revisit the fat-sucking vampire theory.

Chloe: You know, if you hadn't been there, he probably would have died, Clark.

Clark: What I can't figure out is why anybody would want to steal body fat.

Chloe: I know, it takes eating disorders to a whole new level.

Clark: Jody.

Jody: Hi, guys. What's up? Jody is sitting at the table eating a whole lot of food.

Chloe: Uh, study group, remember?

Jody: Totally slipped my mind.

Chloe: So, no more veggie shakes, huh?

Clark: Are you feeling okay? Pete said you felt sick yesterday.

Jody: Oh, that. I'm fully recovered.

Chloe: I guess it's safe to say that the diet's finally over.

Jody: Mmm, I'm starving. I haven't eaten anything all day. I'm just a little nervous about the party tonight.

Chloe: Yeah.

Jody: So, um, I'll see you guys tonight.

Chloe: Okay, what was that about?

Clark: I don't know. I gotta fly. We'll talk about this later?

Chloe: Okay. Hey, where are you going?

Clark: I'm still working on Lana's birthday gift.

Chloe: Any hints?

Clark: Yeah, it's not a gift certificate.

Lex: What do you think?

Lana: It's really...

Lex: Not you at all. I heard the quarterback couldn't make it. Too bad.

Lana: I knew you'd be devastated. Whitney's trying out for a football scholarship to Kansas State. Didn't think he made the cut, but then someone fell out.

Lex: I know. Your aunt told me. I like your new escort better. Have fun tonight.

Clark: Mom, you almost done?

Martha: Relax, Clark, you're not gonna be late for once. By the way, did you figure out what to get Lana?

Clark: Yeah, Lex helped me out.

Martha: So what is it?

Clark: I thought you were butting out of this.

Martha: Then you'd better learn how to iron. Hi, Chloe.

Chloe: Hi, Mrs. Kent. Clark, take a look at this.

Clark: Chloe, why aren't you dressed?

Chloe: I didn't have time. Clark, you really, really need to check this out.

Clark: "Smallville body and fender - replaced windshield, replaced side panels. Cause of accident - Impact with deer."

Chloe: It was Jody's car, Clark.

Clark: What do you think happened to her?

Chloe: Her house is built right next to one of the big meteor hits.

Clark: And she lost all that weight by drinking juice from vegetables grown in the soil in her greenhouse.

Chloe: It must have done something to her metabolism. She's losing weight too fast to keep up with regular food.

Clark: And that's why she needs body fat. We need to find her.

Chloe: Jody wouldn't let anything keep her from getting to that party.

Clark: Pete.

Jody: Perfect.

Pete: Whoa. Hi.

Jody: Hi.

Pete: Perfect flowers for a perfect date.

Jody: Thank you. They're beautiful, Pete.

Pete: So's that dress.

Jody: Thanks. It was my mom's.

Pete: Something wrong?

Jody: I'm fine. I just need to eat.

Pete: that doesn't sound right. Maybe we should go to the hospital.

Jody: You've always been good to me, Pete. Please, go away now!

Pete: Jody!

Jody: Go away!

Pete: Jody, wait!

Pete: Jody. Jody, come on! Jody! Jody? Jody, where are you?

Jody: Pete, please get away! It's all my fault.

Pete: Jody?

Jody: I just wanted to be skinny. There's only so much a person can take. Pete, please, go home.

Pete: Come on, Jody, you don't have to hide.

Jody: I don't want to hurt you.

Pete: Come on, Jody, you couldn't hurt a - Just tell me what's happening.

Jody: Please...Leave.

Clark: Jody? Pete? Pete, are you okay? Pete, what's wrong? Jody!

Jody: Why can't you just leave me alone?

Clark: You're sick. Whatever you did to yourself you can get help.

Jody: All I wanted was to be thin!

Clark: Jody, this isn't you.

Jody: What? Isn't this what I'm supposed to look like? Look at me, I'm a freak. I know how to stop this for good.

Clark: No... Wait...

Pete: Jody!

Clark: Pete! Get over here. Quick!

Pete: Clark, is she okay?

Clark: I think so, but we need to get her to a hospital.

Lex: Sneaking out, huh? Isn't this your shindig?

Lana: Says so on all the invitations.

Lex: Right. You're not hiding. You're getting some air. I spent 18 years of Luthor Christmas parties in the coatroom.

Lana: I'm still waiting for my reinforcements.

Lex: I know Clark. He'll be here. If he can.

Lana: It's just a birthday.

Martha: Clark, what happened? The police called.

Clark: I'm fine.

Jonathan: How's Pete?

Clark: He's got a serious migraine, but other than that, he's okay. Jody Melville's on the way to Metropolis General. Her father's gonna meet her there.

Martha: Clark, I'm sorry about the party.

Clark: I promised Lana I'd be there. I can't believe I let her down.

Jonathan: Well, when you do the things you do, Son - helping people - then sometimes you have to make sacrifices.

Clark: Like Lana?

Martha: Maybe, but you made your choice.

Jonathan: where are you going?

Clark: I don't have to sacrifice everything.

Hamilton: Back for some more rocks?

Lex: Apparently, I have a clean bill of health.

Hamilton: Congratulations. I guess that means you won't be bothering me any more.

Lex: I couldn't figure out why you're so resistant to accept my help. Then I had a friend do some digging. And here I thought you got kicked out of Metropolis University for your meteor theories, but apparently, it was your student/teacher relations. I wonder if the Smallville police have you registered.

Hamilton: Get out.

Lex: I want you to look at something. I don't care about the past. I believe in the power to reinvent your self. You want to prove to the world you've been right all along? That check should cover your vindication.

Hamilton: What you're looking for could take years.

Lex: I'm a patient man.

Hamilton: Tell me - why does a billionaire's son care so much about a bunch of rocks that fell out of the sky 12 years ago?

Lex: I save that story for the people I trust.

Lana: You kind of missed cocktail hour.

Clark: I'm sorry.

Lana: I told you I stopped believing in happy birthdays a long time ago.

Clark: Well, maybe I can change that. Look, I know I blew it tonight, but at least let me give you your present.

Lana: When?

Clark: Now.

Lana: Pass the popcorn.

Clark: Lana...

Lana: Yeah?

Clark: Happy birthday.

Lana: Shh.

Main picture from Devoted to Smallville

Screen Caps from Devoted to Smallville

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Updated 8/11/08


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