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House Favorite Quotes

by Bridget

House-isms and Quotes

Season One

If we don't talk to them, they can't lie to us, and we can't lie to them.  Humanity is overrated. (Pilot )

Could we get off my screw-ups and focus on theirs? Theirs are bigger.(Paternity)

"No, there is not a thin line between love and hate.  There is, in fact, a great wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate." (Occam's Razor)

Wilson: That smugness of yours is really an attractive quality. House: Thank you.  It was either that or getting my hair highlighted.  Smugness was easier to maintain. (Occam's Razor)

"Sometimes the best gift is the gift of never seeing you again." (Maternity)

"You know how it is with nuns.  You take out their IUD's and they bounce right back." (Damned If You Do)

Dr. Chase: I hate nuns. House: Who doesn't?  (Damned If You Do)

"I've been a doctor for years -- why do I have to keep assuming people know what I'm doing?"  (Damned If You Do)

Dr. Cameron: Happy birthday. House: Okay...whose? (The Socratic Method)

Luke: Is this a good hospital?  House: Depends on what you mean by 'good'.  I like the chairs. (The Socratic Method)

"It turns out your best judgment is not good enough.  Here's an idea - next time, use mine." (The Socratic Method)

Wilson: I love my wife. House: You certainly love saying it. (Fidelity)

"You want to look pretty.  At work. (sings) Wilson's got a girlfriend..." (Fidelity)

"I don't ask why patients lie; I just assume they all do." (Fidelity)

"I am extremely disappointed.  I send you out for exciting new designer drugs and you come back with tomato sauce." (Poison)

"What can I say? Chicks with no teeth turn me on." (Poison)

"Okay you two - grab some scalpels and settle this like doctors" (Histories)

Wilson: Did your pager really go off, or are you ditching the conversation? House: Why can't both be true?(Histories)

Cuddy: I can't believe you authorized this. House: Really?  It sounds exactly like something I'd do. (Histories)

"(waves cane) Chicks dig this.  It's better than a puppy!" (Detox)

"Internal bleeding after a car accident?  Wow, that's shocking!" (Detox)

Patient: I can't get my contact lenses out. House: Out of what?  They're not in your eyes. Patient: They're red. House: That's because you're trying to remove your corneas. (Sports Medicine)

Wilson: Wear your damn coat. House: It itches! (Contol)

Vogler: That was my first heart transplant committee meeting. Very exciting. House: Trust me, Six Flags is way more exciting. (Control)

Bill: Joey is not gay. House: Maybe not gay, but certainly delightful! (Mob Rules)

House: You wear a bikini now? Lucille: Yeah, you have a problem with that? House: No. I've never gone swimming with you. (Heavy)

Sarah: I haven't had sex since I split up with my husband. That was almost one year ago. House: Fine, have it your way. Immaculate conception.  Sarah: Um, what do I do? House: Well, it's obvious. Start a religion.

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Updated 7/22/08  


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