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House Episode Guide

Written by Patti

EPISODE 1 – “THE PILOT”

Dr. Greg House

Opening Scene: A young woman is rushing to get to work. She is a schoolteacher. She meets one of her friends and talks about being late to work. She gets to her class and starts asking the children what they did over the weekend. All of a sudden, she starts talking funny, and the children begin to laugh. She starts to write on the blackboard for the kids to get the nurse, and then she passes out. Another teacher rushes into the classroom.

At the hospital, Wilson is now going over the woman’s file with House. Wilson tells House that the patient is his cousin. House is not interested in the case, and he says it is a brain tumor, dismissing Wilson. Wilson continues to try and interest House in the case. Wilson asks him what the purpose is of having a team if he does not use them.

The patient is in the hospital, and we get a glimpse of what is perhaps happening inside her. House looks over her test and starts discussing her case with his team. Dr. Cameron informs Dr. Foreman that House believes all patients lie. House starts ordering his team to do tests and to redo the ones already done.

House is waiting at the elevator to go home when he sees Dr. Cuddy, Dean of Medicine, approaching and tries to avoid her. She catches up to House and ask why he was not in her office 20 minutes ago. He tells her he had no intention of being there 20 minutes ago. She reminds him of his duties to the hospital, and he deflects her with cop- out answers. She reminds him that he is behind on clinic duty. Dr. Cuddy tells him she wants him to do his job, part of which is clinic duty. He tells her that the great philosopher Jagger once said, “You can’t always get what you want”.

The patient (Rebecca) is with the team, getting an MRI.  She wants to know where Dr. House is. They start one of the tests but have to stop because they are denied authorization. House goes steaming-mad into Dr. Cuddy’s office,  demanding to know why she pulled his authorizations to run tests. She asks why he is yelling  and if that is supposed to scare her or hurt her. She tells House that she looked up his “philosopher” Jagger, and that while it’s true “You can’t always get what you want”, “if you try sometimes, you get what you need”.

House leaves her office and tells the team to do the MRI, since Dr. Cuddy backed down. However, he tells Wilson that now he is stuck catching up on his clinic duty hours till the year 2054. House tells Wilson that he’d better love this cousin a whole lot. 

Now Rebecca is getting the MRI. She tells the team that she does not feel good and starts gagging/choking. She cannot breathe. Cameron orders them to get her out of the MRI. Cameron, Chase and Foreman try to get her breathing again. Chase tells Cameron that it was a good call. 

House pops another pill outside Rebecca’s room while the team checks on her. They meet House outside her room, and he wants them to get a complete history. 

House checks in at the clinic. He wants to watch TV, but Dr. Cuddy has an interesting first patient. He is orange. The patient is sitting in the exam room, explaining how he hurt his back playing golf, and he notices House take another vicodin. House tells him that his wife is having an affair, since he is orange and his wife has not noticed. He eats too many carrots, and the chemical in them has turned him orange. House tells him, “Stop eating them and get a good lawyer,”  and then he walks out. The next clinic patient is a child, who is not using his inhaler with his asthma because the mother is worried about the steroids. House explains to the mother (sarcastically) why he needs to use his inhaler.  He realizes as he talks to her that Rebecca’s problem might be related to steroids. 

House pages his team to meet outside Rebecca’s room and tells them to give her high doses of prednisone. Rebecca gets a glimpse of House. The team tries to argue with House’s theory. He has no proof of vasculitis but wants to treat her for it anyway, and if she gets better, he is right. Rebecca asks if she has a tumor, but the team avoids giving her the answer.  

Dr. Foreman goes to Rebecca’s classroom to check out her work environment. He tells one of the kids that he is smelling for mold. He goes back to talk to House at the hospital cafeteria.  Foreman tells him about the parrot in the classroom and how that could be making Rebecca sick. House tells him that any one of the kids could have got her sick. He tells Foreman to go check out her apartment. Foreman says he will get Rebecca’s key, but House tells him to break in. He also tells him to check out the woman who made Foreman’s sandwich. House points out that she looks sick and asks if he should trust that she is not sick. House informs him that he knows Foreman has a record for breaking and entering when he was 16. He hired him because he needed someone on his team with street smarts. Foreman finishes his sandwich. 

Dr. Cuddy confronts House in the clinic and asks him why he is giving Rebecca steroids. She tells him, “You don’t treat people on guesses.” They argue about the proper way to treat her. She asks House why he always thinks he is right. She tells him that they are doctors, and when they make a mistake, people die. Cuddy stops in to see Rebecca, so Rebecca asks her if she is Dr. House. Cuddy replies that she is not. Rebecca seems better, so Cuddy tells House that he got lucky. 

Wilson is checking up on Rebecca. She asks if she will ever meet House, but he tells her that she probably won’t. He says that House is a good doctor but not a real people person. She asks Wilson if House is his friend and whether he cares about him. Rebecca suddenly tells Wilson that she cannot see and starts convulsing. 

Foreman tells Rebecca they had to shock her back to life. He asks her to arrange some cards to tell a story, and she cannot do it The team meets with House and tells him that she is getting worse. No matter what the problem is, they conclude, she is running out of time. House says to stop all treatment. He tells them they will watch to see how the disease progresses, and that will help them determine what is wrong. Foreman tells Cameron that he needs her help breaking into Rebecca’s apartment to check it out. He says that it’s always better when breaking into someone’s home to have a white person with you. 

House is now back at the clinic and listening to another patient describe his symptoms. He tells House he has chronic fatigue syndrome. House tells the patient that he obviously has time to research his problem on the Web. House tells the patient that there is something he can give him. House goes to the pharmacy and asks for a dollar in change and 20 vicodin. He then goes to the candy machine and gets some candy, picks up the vicodin and puts the candy in the medicine bottle, and the vicodin in his pocket. House tells the nurse to bring the “meds” into exam room two. 

Cameron and Foreman are at Rebecca’s apartment. Cameron is explaining to Foreman how House thinks life is too short and just says what he thinks. They are searching the apartment, and Foreman finds fleas. They argue about Foreman’s criminal record and how Cameron made it to 17 without a criminal record. They argue about the reasons that House hired them both. Cameron now starts to wonder why House hired her. 

They go back to the hospital and explain that they did not find anything there to explain her symptoms.  House tells them that Wilson said Rebecca was his cousin, but obviously he is lying as he gets her name wrong, and Rebecca has ham in her refrigerator, which she wouldn’t if she were Jewish. Wilson counters that not all Jews keep kosher. House tells Foreman he is an idiot, because if he found ham, which is pork, she probably has a tapeworm in her. He explains to everyone what happens when you give steroids to a person with a tapeworm, that they initially get better, then get worse just like Rebecca did. This diagnosis explains all her symptoms. Wilson says that it still be a hundred others things, but House insists that his theory fits. However, Wilson informs all of them that Rebecca has decided not to have any more treatment. She wants to go home and die there and not in the hospital. 

Now House finally goes to see Rebecca. She is sitting in her room in the dark. House asks the nurse for some privacy. He introduces himself to Rebecca, and she says that it is good to finally meet him. He tells her she is being an idiot, that she has a tapeworm in her brain, and if they do not treat it, she will be dead by the weekend. She asks him if he has actually seen the tapeworm. He tells her when she is all better, he will show her his diplomas. Rebecca tells House that they have misdiagnosed her so far, so how are they so certain they are right now?  He tells her it is not a treatment but a cure. She asks House what made him a cripple. He tells her how he had an infarction. He was misdiagnosed, and because of the delay in treatment, he suffered muscle death. She asks House if he thought he was going to die, and he tells her he hoped he was going to die. Rebecca tells House that he hides from people because he does not want others to see him as a cripple. He feels cheated by life and why does he think that she is so much better than him. He tells her there is no dignity in dying. He says you can live with dignity but you can not die with it. He then informs the team that she has refused treatment and he accepts her decision. The team questions him and what they can do and he says it is over. Wilson explains to everyone that House now respects her that she is not just a file to him any more. He has done his job, figured out what is wrong and if she does not want to be cured then he can not do anything more. He can not give people guarantees. Dr. Chase speaks up and informs them there is a way to prove to Rebecca there is a worm without doing an invasive test. They can do just a regular x-ray. House says to x-ray her leg, and that worms love thigh muscles. He guarantees that they will find a worm in her leg on the x-ray. They go take Rebecca for the x-ray.  Later Chase shows Rebecca the x-ray with the worm in her leg and gives her medicine to take every day for a month and she will be fine.  

House goes back to his office and Dr. Cameron is sitting in his chair. She asks House why did he hire her?  House says does it matter? Does it make a difference what he thinks. She brings up why he hired Foreman and he hired Chase because his Dad wrote a big check to the hospital. He hired her because she looks good, like having a nice piece of work in the lobby. She is angry that it was her looks and not her hard work that got her the job and House is amused that she is so upset. He tells her that pretty women can take the easy way, and that she did not. She worked her ass off. That is why he hired her. He tells her she must be damaged.  

The orange patient is meeting with Dr. Cuddy upset about what House told him. She tells him that she can not fire House because she is the best doctor they have. 

Chase goes to see Rebecca and surprises her with a visit from her students. She is excited to see them. Rebecca tells Cameron she wanted to thank House but he never came back. Cameron explains that he cured her but she did not cure him. 

House and Wilson are watching TV in an exam room and House questions Wilson why he would lie about Rebecca being his cousin and lie to him. House tells him he never lies. A nurse knocks on the door and tells House he has a patient. House sees it is the Chronic Fatigue patient he gave the candy “medicine” to and that he wants a refill. He asks Wilson if he has change of a dollar.

Screencap from http://housecaps.fanfusion.org/


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Updated 11/17/11  

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