Meredith: They say a person either has what it takes to play or they donít.
My mother was one of the greats. Me, on the other hand, Iím kinda screwed.
Meredith: Like I said. Iím screwed.
Derek: This isÖuhÖ
Meredith: Ö humiliating on so many levels. You have to go.
Meredith: It was my motherís house. Iím selling it.
Derek: Oh, Iím sorry.
Meredith: For what?
Derek: You said "was".
Meredith: Oh, my motherís not dead. Sheís Ö you know what? We donít have to
do the thing.
Derek: Oh. We can do anything you want.
Meredith: No, "the thing". Exchange the details, pretend we care.
Meredith: Only 6 women out of 20.
Cristina: Yeah. I hear one of themís a model. Seriously, thatís gonna help
with the respect thing.
George: You got the Nazi? So did I. At least weíll be tortured together,
right? Iím George Ö OíMalley. (to Meredith) UhÖwe met at theÖah, mixerÖyou
had a black dress with a slit at the sides, strappy sandals andÖ.now you
think Iím gay.
(Meredith and Cristina look at him)
George: No, Iím not gay.
Cristina: Uh huh.
Izzie: Maybe itís professional jealously. Maybe sheís brilliant and they
call her the Nazi because theyíre jealous. Maybe sheís nice.
Cristina: Let me guess. Youíre the model.
George: You should eat something.
Izzie: You try eating after performing 17 rectal exams. The Nazi hates me.
Derek: I was drunk, vulnerable, and good looking, and you took advantage.
Meredith (smiling): Okay, I was the one who was drunk, and you are not that
Derek: Maybe not today. Last night? Last night I was very good looking. I
had my red shirt on. My good looking shirt. You took advantage.
Meredith: I did not take advantage.
Derek (smiling): Want to take advantage again? Say Friday night?
George: Maybe I shouldíve gone into geriatrics. No one minds when you
kill an old person.
Cristina: Surgery is hot. Itís the marines. Itís macho. Itís hostile. Itís
hardcore. Geriatrics is for freaks who live with their mothers and never
George: Iíve gotta get my own place.
Alex (whistles): Sheís hot.
George: Iím friends with her.
(They look at him)
George: I mean, not as friends. I mean, not, you know, actually friends. I
mean, not exactly. But weíre tight. We hang out. (Intern #4 walks off) I
mean, really, like, only just today.
Alex: Dude. (He shakes his head) Dude, stop talking.
Meredith: Did you choose me for the surgery because I slept with you?
Derek: Yes. (Meredith looks stern) Iím kidding.
Meredith: I wish I wanted to be a chef. Or a ski instructor. Or a
George: You know ,I wouldíve been a really good postal worker. Iím
dependable. (Meredith chuckles)
Cristina: We donít have to do that thing, you know, where I say
something, and then you say something, and then somebody cries, and thereís
like a moment Ö
1X02 - The First Cut Is The Deepest
Meredith: Look, Iím sure youíre very nice. But Iím very particular about who
lives in my house. And youíre just not right.
Intern #1: Why? Ö Look, Iím quiet. No loud music. No parties.
Meredith: Where were you when the Challenger exploded?
Intern #1: The what?
Meredith: The space shuttle. Challenger.
Intern #1: Uh. I think I was in kindergarten.
Meredith: Exactly. No.
George: My mom irons my scrubs. I have to get out of there.
Dr. Bailey: Stop talking. Every intern wants to perform their first
surgery. Thatís not your job. Do you know what your job is? To make your
resident happy. Do I look happy? No. Why? Because my interns are whining.
You know what will make me look happy? Having the code team staffed, having
the trauma pages answered, having the weekend labs delivered and having
someone down in the pit doing the sutures! No one holds a scalpel until Iím
so happy, Iím Mary freaking Poppins.
Derek: Seattle has ferry boats.
Meredith (smiles): Yes.
Derek: I didnít know that. Iíve been living here 6 weeks. I didnít know
there were ferry boats.
Meredith: Seattle is surrounded by water on three sides.
Derek: Hence the ferry boats, Now I have to like it here. Wasnít planning it
on liking it here. Iím from New York. Iím genetically engineered to dislike
everywhere except Manhattan. I have a thing for ferry boats.
Meredith: Iím not dating you. And Iím definitely not sleeping with you
again. Youíre my boss.
Derek: Iím your bossí boss.
Meredith: Youíre my teacher. And my teacherís teacher. And youíre my
Derek: Iím your sister. Iím your daughter.
Meredith: Youíre sexually harassing me.
Derek: Iím riding an elevator.
Meredith: Look, Iím drawing a line. The line is drawn. Thereís a big line.
Derek (ponders this): So, this line, is it imaginary, or do I need to get
you a marker?
Meredith: Oh my god.
Dr. Burke: What? Spit it out, Grey.
Meredith: She bit it off.
Dr. Burke: Bit off what?
Meredith: Thatís Ö his Ö penis.
(A lot of the male doctors groan)
Meredith: She bit off his- his penis.
Dr. Burke (half groans): Oh.
(Burke quickly dumps the Ďpenisí into a surgical pan)
Alex (holds out his hand): Alex Karev, nice to meet you.
Cristina (shakes his hand): The pig who called Meredith the nurse. Yeah. I
hate you on principle.
Alex: And youíre the pushy overbearing kiss-ass. I, ah, hate you too.
Cristina: Oh, it should be fun, then.
Richard: When did the police say they were coming?
Patricia: You know how slow they are. So, she better take it with her.
Patricia: You have to take it with you.
Richard: Chain of custody rules. All medical matter under reign must stay
with the person who collected it until itís placed into police custody.
Patricia: You collected the specimen, so you have custody.
Meredith: Custody of a penis?
Richard: Yes. Until the cops come for it.
Meredith: Okay. Well, what am I supposed to do with the penis?
George: Whatís that?
Meredith: Donít ask. You donít want to know.
George: I do wanna know. Really.
Meredith: You really wanna know?
(George nods, smiling)
Meredith: Itís a severed penis.
(George looks slightly ill at this)
George: Okay. I didnít really wanna know.
George: Meredith is carrying a penis around in a jar.
Cristina: Oh, from the rape surgery?
(Cristina walks up to the cooler and peeks inside)
Meredith: Yeah, and itís not a jar. Itís a cooler.
Cristina: Talk about taking a bite out of crime.
Cristina: Donít people get sick anymore?
Alex: I mean, how are we supposed to get any O.R time if everyone is just
Meredith: Whatís your favorite 80 group?
Intern #1: Queen.
Intern #2 (Raj): Twisted Sister.
(She gets up and starts walking off)
Intern #2: Itís not like thereís a right or wrong answer to that question.
Meredith (to herself): Oh yeah, The Go-Go's, Duran Duran, The Eurthymics Ö
Cristina: What are you doing down here?
Meredith: Just sitting here with my penis. What about you?
Cristina: Hiding from Alex.
Meredith: I kissed Derek.
Cristina: You kissed Derek.
Meredith: In the elevator.
Cristina: Oh, you kissed him in the elevator.
Meredith: I was having a bad day. (pause) I am having a bad day.
Cristina: So, what you do on your bad days? Make out with Dr. McDreamy?
Meredith: Well, you know, that, and carrying around a penis just makes
everything seem so shiny and happy.
Dr. Bailey (calls out): Why are we not attempting to re-attach the
Cristina: Penises donít slice. They tear. You can only re-attach with a
clean cut. If she wanted to slice him off with a knife Ö
Meredith: Besides, the digestive juices didnít leave much of the flesh to
Dr. Bailey: Right. So what do we do?
Cristina: Sew him up, missing a large part of the family jewels.
Dr. Bailey: And his outlook?
Meredith: Heíll be urinating out of a bag for a very, very long time.
Cristina: Not to mention, heíll never be able to have sex again.
Meredith: Oh, too bad.
Dr. Bailey: Letís all take a moment to grieve.
Meredith: So, the police say they canít send the crap crime scene guy
down for hours. So I have to spend the night with the penis.
(Alex gets a look on his face and moves to speak but Meredith puts her hand
Meredith (warningly): Alex, donít say it.
Alex: Oh, it was too easy anyway.
Dr. Burke: Do you think Iím too confident?
Dr. Bailey: No.
Dr. Burke: Donít lie.
Dr. Bailey (sighs): You are my boss.
Dr. Burke: All right then, anything you say in the next 30 seconds is free.
Starting from now.
(Bailey is silent for a moment)
Dr. Bailey: I think youíre cocky. Arrogant, bossy and pushy. You also have a
god complex. (Burke looks put out by this) You never think about anybody but
your damn self.
Dr. Burke (interrupts): But I Ö
Dr. Bailey (interrupts him): But what? I still have 22 more seconds. Iím not
Cristina: I need a drink, a man or a massage. Or a drunken massage by a
Derek: So? Weíre kissing, but weíre not dating?
Meredith: I knew that was gonna come up.
Derek (grinning): Donít get me wrong, I like the kissing. Iím all for the
kissing. More kissing, I say.
Meredith: I have no idea what that was about.
Derek: Is it going to happen again? Because if it is, Iím gonna need to
bring breath mints. (He lowers his voice) Put a condom in my wallet.
Meredith (whispers back): Shut up now.
Derek: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that Dr. Bailey
stopped your bleeding. The bad news is weíve given your penis to the cops.
Have a nice life.
1X03 - Winning the Battle, Losing the War
Derek: Morning Dr. Bailey.
Dr. Bailey (holds up a hand, preoccupied): Shut up.
Derek: You realize that Iím an attending ,and youíre only a resident? That
you work for me, right?
Dr. Bailey (ignores the question, murmuring to herself): I know Iíve
forgotten something. Something is happening today. I know I should know what
it is, but I just canít Ö
(She shakes her head)
Derek: All right, nice talking with you, Dr. Bailey.
Dr. Bailey: Itís right in front of my face Ö
(Derek moves to walk across the street but Bailey gasps suddenly and pulls
him back on the to curb)
Dr. Bailey: Ah, doctor!
(Several bike riders race past. A few of them crash. Bailey and Shepard dart
around trying to avoid them)
Dr. Bailey: Now I remember! Oh, Dr Shepard come here. Watch out. Watch out.
(The bike riders continue to race past. Another one crashes)
Dr. Bailey: Fools on bikes killing themselves. Natural selection is what it
Alex (quietly to George): So whatís up with the Nazi? Is she off her meds?
George: You never heard of the race?
Dr. Bailey: Chief! Dead baby bike race started twenty minutes ago.
Richard (calls out): All right, people! Dead baby bike race day!
George: What kind of people engage in a race that has, as its only rule,
that you canít rip out the eyeballs of another human being?
Cristina: Oh, itís like candy, but with blood, which is so much better.
George (shocked): Mr Mackie! No smoking! Thereís no smoking
Lloyd: Why not?
George: Oh, my god! (He grabs the cigarette from him) Youíre in a hospital.
Lloyd: Your point being?
George: I donít know if youíve listened to the surgeon-general lately, say
in the past twenty years, but smoking is bad. Smoking will kill you.
Lloyd: Liver cancer will kill me. Smoking will just speed up the process.
Cristina: Wish heíd just go into the light already, so I can get on
(Izzie looks at Cristina, appalled)
Cristina: Oh, Iím the devil because Iíd rather be in surgery, instead of
standing watch over the death squad? Itís depressing.
Meredith (tries not to smile): What do you want?
Derek: You make out with patients now?
Meredith: What are you, jealous?
Derek: I donít get jealous.
Meredith: We had sex, once.
Derek: And we kissed, in an elevator.
Meredith: And we kissed in an elevator, once!
Derek: No, seriously, I mean come on, go out with me.
Derek (semi serious): You know, I almost died today. Yeah, I came like (he
gestures) this close. How would you feel if I died? And you didnít get a
chance to go out with me?
Meredith: Get over yourself already.
Izzie: If he dies (to Cristina) and he could still live, you know (back
to Bailey) his death should mean something.
Dr. Bailey: And you want a harvest surgery.
Cristina: I wanna save lives. (Bailey looks gives her scalding look) Okay, I
want a harvest surgery.
Alex: Whatíre you doing?
George: Hiding. Thereís this VIP patient, he likes me.
Alex: Well, thatís good, right?
George: He likes me likes me.
Alex: Go for it, man, get yours. Iím down with the rainbow. (George looks
up, wide-eyed) Oh. Are you not gay?
Alex: Really? (looks amused) Dude, sorry.
George: Do you Ö do you think Ö does Meredith think Iím gay?
Cristina: Are you?
George: Do you feel any pain here?
Lloyd: No. You know, you really do have beautiful eyelashes.
George: Um, thank you. Uh, what about here?
Lloyd: No. And nice eyes. Kind. I like a man with kind eyes.
George: Really, you think I have kind eyes?
Izzie (interrupts): No! Iím not giving up on him. He has the surgery, he
lives longer, thatís the point. So Iím going to help find the family, you
guys find a way to get him into surgery.
(She heads up the stairs)
Cristina: Sheís vice-president of fantasyland.
George: You underestimate me. Iím not a baby, Iím your colleague. You
donít have to manipulate me. If you want something all you have to do is
Izzie: We want you to go over Burkeís head to the Chief.
George: Ask me something easier.
Cristina: I seriously hate that guy.
Meredith: Alex is vermin. That surgery is ours.
Izzie: At least Burke is doing the surgery. I donít care about Alex. George,
you did good!
George: Iím going to have to dodge Burke for the rest of my career.
(whispers to Meredith) He could kill me and make it look like an accident.
Alex: God! I smell good! You know what it is? (He faces Meredith) Itís
the smell of open heart surgery. (Meredith shoots him a look and he takes in
a deep breath) Itís awesome. It is awesome. You gotta smell me.
(He walks up behind Meredith and wraps his arms around her)
Meredith: I donít want to smell you.
Alex (he nuzzles her hair): Oh, yes, you do.
(Meredith turns around and grabs Alex by his shirt and slams him against the
Meredith: You have got to be kidding me! Okay. I have more important things
to deal with than you. I have roommates, and boy problems, and family
problems. (Alex yawns, acts bored by her act) You want to act like a little
frat boy bitch? Thatís fine. You want to take credit for your saves, and
everybody elseís? Thatís fine too. Just stay out of my face.
And for the record, you smell like crap!
Meredith: Theyíre everywhere. All the time. Izzieís all perky and George
does this thing where heís helpful and considerate. They share food and they
say things and they move things, and they breathe. Uh! Theyíre like happy.
Cristina: Kick them out.
Meredith: I canít kick them out. They just moved in. I asked them to move
Cristina: So what, youíre just going to repress everything in some deep dark
twisted place until one day you snap and kill them?
Cristina: This is why we are friends.
Cristina: Oh, that kills you, doesnít it?
Cristina: That two women got the harvest.
Alex: No, it kills me that anyone got the harvest but me. Boobs do not
factor into this equation. Unless you want to show me yours.
(Meredith and Cristina exchange looks)
Meredith: Iím going to become a lesbian.
Cristina: Me too.
Lloyd: Well, when I get out of here, how about I take you and my new
liver out for a night on the town? What do you say?
(George sits down on the bed)
George: Uh, Mr. Mackie, no offense or anything. I mean youíre, youíre very
handsome, but I, um ,Iím not. I mean, youíre not my type, because Ö youíre a
Lloyd: George, I never thought you were gay.
George: You didnít?
Lloyd: Oh, child, please. You? Gay? Iím sick, George, not blind.
George: Then Ö why have Ö
Lloyd: Because dying is a get-out-of-jail-free card. I can be as bold as I
want, and thereís nothing anybody can say about it. So I flirt. Havenít you
ever been attracted to someone you know you couldnít have?
George (fumbles): Well Ö Iím, ah Ö no.
Lloyd: Whatís her name?
George: Thereís no Ö (he shakes his head) Iím not Ö you know, this is
really, ah, not Ö Meredith.
Lloyd: Meredith. To be young and in love.
Derek: Itís not the chase.
Derek: You and me. It is not the thrill of the chase. Itís not a game. Itís
(he walks up to her) Ö itís your tiny ineffectual fists. And your hair.
Meredith (she smiles) My hair?
Derek (he nods): Smells good. And youíre very, very bossy. Keeps me in line.
(They stare at each other for a while)
Meredith (smiles): Iím still not going out with you.
Lloyd: Howíd it go?
Richard: Very smoothly.
Lloyd: Damn. That means Iíll have to quit smoking.
1X04 - NO MAN'S LAND
Meredith: Intimacy is a four-syllable word for, "Here are my heart and soul.
Please grind them into hamburger and enjoy."
George: You don't understand. Me gonads, you ovaries.
Izzie: Oh, that reminds me. We are out of tampons.
George: You're parading through the bathroom in your underwear when I'm
naked in the shower.
Izzie: Can you add it to your list, please?
Meredith: To the list, it's your turn.
George (yelling): I am a man! I don't buy girl products! I don't want you
walking in while I'm in the shower, and I don't want to see you in your
Izzie: It doesn't bother me, ok? Look at me in my underwear, George. Take
your time. It's no big deal.
Bailey: You make them feel good about you. Why is that important? Cause
then they'll talk to you and tell you what's wrong. Why is that important?
Because then you can tell you're attending what they need to know during
rounds. And why is that important? Because if you make your resident look
bad, she'll torture you until you beg for your mama.
Alex (to Izzie): Morning, Dr. Model.
Izzie: Dr. Evil Spawn.
Alex: (shines light on Izzie stomach) Ooh, nice tat. They airbrush that out
for that catalogs?
Izzie: I don't know. What do they do for the 666 on your skull?
Derek: I thought I might buy your breakfast before your rounds.
Meredith: I've already eaten.
Derek: What'd you have?
Meredith: None of your business.
Derek: You a cereal person? Straight out of the box? Or all fruit and
fiber-y? (He laughs) Pancakes? Do you like pancakes?
Meredith: Fine, leftover grilled cheese. Curiosity satisfied?
Derek: That's sad. It's pathetic. A good day starts with a good breakfast.
Meredith: Look, I'm not being seen with you in this hospital. Learn it, live
it. It's unprofessional.
Derek: I'm just an attending getting to know one of his interns.
Meredith: He slept with the intern
Derek: Barely knew her.
Meredith: And it should stay that way.
George: There need to be some rules.
Meredith: So, what, we can walk around in our underwear on alternate
Tuesdays, or you could see bras but not panties? Or are you talking Amish
rules? Because if you think you're gonna get Izzie to cover herselfÖ
George: The amount of flesh exposed is not the point. You have to do
something. It's your house.
Meredith: It's my mother's house.
Meredith: Do you like Izzie? Is that what this is about? Do you have a crush
George: Izzie? No. I don't like Izzie. IzzieÖno. She's not the one I'm
Meredith: Not the one. So, there's a one.
George: This is not...Look, there just have to be some rules.
Alex: So, uh, Grey and Stevens really walk around in their underwear?
George: Not all the time. I mean, some of the time, you know. But not all
Alex: Sexy underwear?
George: Yeah, I meanÖ
Alex: And they just, uh, let you look at them?
George: Well, uhÖyeah.
Alex: Like sisters.
George: No, well, not like sisters. (Laughs) I don't think of them as
Alex: But they're not coming on to you.
George: Not exactly.
Alex: They don't expect you to do anything.
George: No. ButÖ
Alex: Like sisters. Just like sisters.
Meredith: Unless you're going like that, you're not riding with me.
(Opens cabinet) Where are the tampons?
Izzie: He didn't buy them.
Meredith: You didn't buy them?
George: Men don't buy tampons.
Izzie: You know what. You are gonna have to get over the man thing, George.
We're women! We have vaginas! Get used to it.
George: I am not your sister.
Meredith: I told my mother about you. She remembers you very well.
Liz: Of course she would. Ellis Grey never forgot a thing.
Meredith: (Chuckling) Mmm. OhÖ. I'm sorry. It's not really funny. It's not
Liz: What's her diagnosis?
Meredith: Alzheimer's, early onset.
Liz: And she doesn't want anyone to know.
Meredith: No. She's in a nursing home, and I'm the only person she'll allow
to see her.
Liz: But if I know Ellis Grey, she made the nursing home sign a contract to
Meredith: You know my mother well.
Liz: What a bitch.
Cristina: (Flipping through Seattle magazine) You are eight feet tall.
Your boobs are perfect. Your hair is down to there. If I were you I'd walk
around naked all the time. I wouldn'tÖI wouldn't have a job. I wouldn't have
skills. I wouldn't even know how to read. I'd just beÖnaked.
Izzie: It's makeup. It's retouching.
Cristina: You get that we hate you, right?
Izzie: You said, "I am not your sister." Do you feel like I was
George: No. No. I'm too masculine to be emasculated.
Izzie: I'm sorry.
George: Guess you put Dr. Model to rest.
Izzie: Guess I did.
1X05 - SHAKE YOUR GROOVY THING
George: Who else did you invite?
Christina: Izzie, we said the list was jocks only. Surgery, Trauma,
Plastics. Who else?
Izzie: Just some people from Peds.
Christina: You invited the preschoolers to Meredithís house. The next thing
youíll say is you invited the shrinks.
[Izzie looks away]
Christina: She invited mental defects. This partyís D.O.A.
Christina: Why are you wasting the only weekend your boyfriend is in town
on a big party? Is he bad in bed?
Izzie: [chuckles] No. I just want him to meet some of my friends.
Christina: Right. Sixty geeks in scrubs are your friends. [Her beeper goes
off. She gets up to leave] Bad sex, sucks for you.
Izzie: Mr. Sturman, letís see about getting you out of here today. How
are you feeling?
Mr. Sturman: Pretty okay, except I donít think I ever wanna have a bowel
Izzie: Really? Wow, because we get people in here all the time requesting
[Izzie walks out of the room. Burke walks by her. Heís carrying two cups
of coffee. Christina is standing at a counter nearby. He puts one cup down
next to her. She looks at the coffee then at him. He sips his cup. He looks
back at her]
Burke: Itís just coffee. [smiles]
[Christina looks confused]
[Burke nods and walks away. Christina closes her file, hesitates and picks
up the coffee and drinks it. Burke peeks around the corner and watches her
Webber: Dr. Bailey, do you see that?
Bailey: Sir? Oh my ever-loviníÖ
Webber: We need to open her up. Iím taking out the scope.
Bailey: You heard him, people. Letís move.
Webber: Lights. Letís get set up. 10 blade. Get the scalpel ready. Towel.
Bailey: Rib spreader.
[They start pulling something black out of Mrs. Drake]
George: Is that a towel?
George: Where did that come from?
Webber: Best guess, her surgery five years ago.
Bailey: Somethiní careless this way comes.
Meredith: Tomorrow morning. I could get kicked out of the program. I could,
George: Youíre not going to get kick out.
Christina: Pattersonís just going to sue.
George: Patterson is not going to sue and youíre not getting kicked out.
Christina: What the hell are you thinking? Telling Burke. So stupid.
George: I told her not to.
[Meredithís phone rings]
Meredith: I gotta take this. Thanks. Thank you. Very comforting.
George: Did you clear this with Meredith?
Izzie: A few more people isnít going to make a difference. Okay? A partyís a
Christina: And the bigger the party, the less time for bad sex with the hockey
Izzie: Would you stop saying that? Hank and I have great sex.
Izzie: All the time.
Izzie: In fact, weíll probably have sex after the party, or during the party.
George: As long as you clear it with Meredith.
Izzie: Hank just needs to realize that doctors can have fun. Weíre not all
workaholics with God complexes.
Christina: We ARE workaholics with God complexes.
George: You paged me?
Izzie: Iím gonna be a while. Do you think you could get home to sign for the
Alex: Why donít you have your boyfriend sign for it?
Izzie: You have a very annoying way of sneaking up on people. Maybe if you were
a little less creepy.
Alex: I wouldnít come anyway. I hate big parties.
George: Is Meredith the only person in the hospital who doesnít know the size of
Izzie: Iím telling her.
Christina: You canít. Sheís gone already.
Izzie: What? Already?
Christina: I think she had, excuse me, an errand to run.
[Christina walks off]
Izzie: You donít think Meredithís really going to mind about the party, right?
George: I want you to make it very clear to her that I had nothing to do with
this party. Nothing.
Meredith: Why did we want to be surgeons anyway?
George: Surgery is very serious business
[Christina burps loudly. She has two cards stuck to her face]
George: Full house!
Christina: [Evil laughter] Royal flush. Get naked, baby boy. Sexy!
[Christina throws down her cards. George reluctantly takes off his shirt]
Meredith: Surgery is stupid. Itís stupid. Itís stupid.
Christina: Give me that. Youíre drunk.
Meredith: Iím not driving. Iím not on call. Iím in my own house. My life is
crap. And itís my party and Iíll get drunk if I want to.
Mr. Sturman: Izzie! I did it. I pooped!
Izzie: [laughs] All right!
1X06 - IF TOMORROW NEVER COMES
George: We should wait for her.
Izzie: Definitely not. I'm not her mother, and you are not her boyfriend. Not
George: Stop, ok? I told you I'm not interested.
Izzie: Life is short, George. Do you really want to die before you ever ask her
George: I do not want to ask her out.
Izzie: Do you really want to die a liar?
George: I'm not...I'm not dying.
Meredith: If they find out, what can they...? Can they kick me out, or...?
Cristina: No... Not officially. You'll just get edged out, blacklisted, banned
from his surgeries, passed over for chief resident. (Sighs) It'll be
humiliating, but you'll live.
Meredith: I have to end it. I definitely have to end it. I have to end it,
Cristina: Meredith, shut up.
(Meredith and Cristina are rushing upstairs and through hallway.)
Meredith: Did you seriously just tell me to shut up?
Cristina: Oh, please. You got a hot doctor who likes to make you open up and say
"ahh." It's the American dream, stop whining about it.
Izzie: How much do you think it weighs?
George: 60 pounds.
Izzie: More. She's carrying a whole extra person.
Cristina: This one's going in the books. I've got to get in.
Izzie: I almost did. Have you ever seen Alex like that? He actually seemed
Meredith: "Seemed" being the operative word.
Cristina: He was on call last night when she came in. I am never leaving this
George: I know you think I like Meredith, but I don't like Meredith.
George: No. I like Meredith. Obviously, I like Meredith. I just...I don't have a
thing for her.
George: It's just this morning...I know you were probably just teasing, But I
don't want you to say anything like that to her. Because you know, we live
together, and that'd be awkward.
Izzie: George, stop talking.
George: Ok, then.
Bailey: Excuse me?
Derek: Well, that's your name, right? It's on your jacket. (She looks smug) All
right, fine. I'll just call you Bailey then.
Bailey: You think you're charming in that talented, neurotic, overly-moussed
hair sort of way, good for you. But if you think I'm going to stand back and
watch while you favor her...
Derek: I don't favor her. She's good.
Bailey: I'm sure she is.
(Elevator opens and Bailey gets out)
Derek: You know, can I point out that, technically, I'm your boss?
Bailey: You don't scare me. Look, I'm not going to advertise your
extracurricular activities with my intern. However, the next time I see you
favoring Meredith Grey in any way, I'll make sure she doesn't see the inside of
on OR for a month. Just for the sake of balance.
Derek: (To Bailey) You know, they call you the Nazi.
Bailey: So I've heard.
Cristina: I got the history on the tumor. It's been growing for a year and a
half. A year and a half and it's the first time she's even had it looked at.
It's like she's fatally lazy.
Annie: That's ok, kitten. You can just do your job. You don't have to talk to
the fat, nasty tumor lady. I mean, I let it get this bad. How much sympathy do I
George: Why did you let it get this bad?
Annie: You're the first person since I got here to ask me that.
George: Well, I guess it's just like the elephant in the room.
George: I mean...
Annie: It's more like a giant sow, don't you think? (They smile at each other)
George: You know, you're not the only one to put things off. I mean I never do
anything till the last possible minute.
Annie: Like what?
George: Well...I've had this thing for my roommate since, like, day one, and I
just...I can't tell her. She probably wouldn't go out with me, anyway, but...How
do I know that for sure, if I don't ever ask?
Annie: Seriously? You're equating your pathetic love life with my
record-breaking tumor? Seriously?
Meredith: It's just that he blatantly favors me in front of her and then
blatantly dismisses me.
Cristina: How do you know he was favoring you? Look, you've got a brain. You got
into this program. Just because Shepherd wants to munch your cookies doesn't
mean you didn't deserve what you worked for.
Meredith: But he's making me look bad. I have to end it.
Meredith: It's over.
Cristina: Uh, huh.
Alex: He kicked me off that surgery for the same crap you pull every day.
Cristina: You know what? If I stuck this fork into his thigh, would I get in
Meredith: Not if you make it look like an accident.
George: Oh. (Throws his tray) Well, bad days are...bad. Maybe tonight, uh, if,
you know, if you drink alcohol, I mean, we could all of us, I mean, go out and
drink alcohol...because of the bad day.
Bailey: You see this, what's happening right here? This is the problem with you
sleeping with my boss. Not whether or not you know him before, but how it
affects my day. And me standing here talking to you about your sex life affects
my day. And the longer this little fling goes on, the more favors you get over
the others, who are fighting tooth and nail just to make it through this program
without any assistance. When those people start finding out what's going on, and
they don't want to work with you and talk to you or look at you, and they start
bitching and moaning at me, the more it affects my day. So, no, Dr. Grey, I
don't care what you know, or when you know it. Are we understood?
Meredith: Dr. Shepherd.
Meredith: Sorry I called you a jackass.
Derek: You didn't.
Meredith: I did. Twice.
Mr. Levangie: Tell you what, blondie. If you don't marry him, I will.
Meredith: Are you really as shallow and callous as you seem?
Alex: Oh, you want to go out for a drink later and hear about my secret pain?
Meredith: Does that line ever work for you?
Meredith: Oh. Must be because you look like that.
Alex: Like what? (Laughs) So is that a yes?
Meredith: No. I can't. I'm seeing someone.
Alex: Look, if you don't want to go out with me, just say so. No need to lie.
Meredith: Oh, ok. Well, I don't want to go out with you. But I think I really
might be seeing someone.
Alex: Oh, man. The battery. I forgot to change it.
Izzie: You forgot? You forgot?!
(Izzie throws his pager on the floor, breaking it. She then starts jumping up
and down on it.)
Izzie: You are hateful! You are a hateful, hateful, lazy, arrogant, hateful man!
(The OR could overhear Izzie and Alex.)
Derek: Never a dull moment here at Seattle Grace.
Meredith: I, um, know this place where there's an amazing view of sunrise over
(She pulls a bottle of wine out of her bag)
Derek: I have a thing for ferryboats.
Meredith: I remember.
1X07 - THE SELF DESTRUCT BUTTON
George: You get any sleep?
Izzie: Oh, she could oil the bedsprings as a courtesy or at least buy a padded
George: So who's the guy?
Izzie: You think it was just one guy doing all that work?
George: Yeah, do you mind if I don't think about that?
Izzie: Oh, jealous?
George: I'm not jealous.
Izzie: Well, I am. But at least I know she'll be having a long day at work.
George: I'm gonna need a major rush to make it through this day. I need a
Alex: Ooh, you a bad boy last night, George?
Izzie: That would be Meredith.
Alex: You a bad boy, Meredith?
Cristina: Do tell.
Meredith: Nothing to tell.
Cristina: That says it all, huh?
(Izzie slams locker door)
Meredith: Sorry, I have a sex life.
Alex: Don't apologize. Embrace it. Share it. Count me in.
Izzie: Yeah, next time, just let me know if I need to go to a hotel so I can get
Meredith: Am I missing something?
George: You were just a little loud.
Digby: Look, everyone in town has tats, but my art is about commitment.
Alex: So, this is your art, huh?
Digby: Damn straight.
Cristina: Damn stupid. The bullet went all the way through.
Digby: Bounced off my ribs. I have another one still in my shoulder. Nice, huh?
Cristina: (Sarcastically) You could hang it in the Louvre.
Bailey: I assume the lady needs her keys to leave this guy's sorry ass behind.
Bailey: Well, help her out.
Alex: That's a bullet from a previous gunshot.
Burke: Previous gunshot? Ok.
Alex: No reason to take it out.
Burke: No, the guy likes pain.
Alex: It's his ethos.
Burke: Pain as an ethos? Wait, I think I know this guy.
(Bailey walks in, Burke shows her the x-rays)
Burke: You remember this guy?
Bailey: Hey, the tattooed masochist.
Burke: Had himself shot again.
Bailey: Glad to see he's still stupid.
Alex: It's his ethos.
Cristina: Why do you hate him?
George: Oh, no reason.
Cristina: You know about him and Meredith?
George: You know?
Cristina: When are you gonna figure out that I know everything?
George: Yeah, about drinking, Dr. Taylor, the anesthesiologist... (Nods to where
Dr. Taylor is standing nearby) Do you think he drinks?
Cristina: I said, whatever gets you through the day.
George: I mean, here, at work. Earlier, I thought I smelled...Do you think...? I
mean, his patients trust that...So I should say something, right?
Alex: It's a can of worms, George. Weren't we talking about sex, anyway?
Meredith: I made a choice, and I know you don't respect me for that choice. But
I'll live with the consequences.
Bailey: Then I'll have lots of hoops for you to jump through.
Meredith: I've done everything you've asked me to do. I may not do it your way
but it gets done. So whatever else you got, bring it on.
(Claire's bowel burst, spraying Meredith with toxic waste)
(People in gallery are laughing and saying "Ew")
Bailey: Ok, Dr. Grey, now that you've drained the organ, we can attempt to
Meredith: Now my day is perfect.
Meredith: I need a shower.
Bailey: I need a shower. You need to go tell that girl's parents what kind of
kid they're getting back.
Meredith: You're not gonna let me shower first?
Bailey: That would be a hoop, would it not?
Meredith: It would qualify.
Bailey: Shower first, then.
(Meredith enters locker room, Izzie and Cristina are inside.)
Izzie: Ew, what smells?
Meredith: That would be me, or more specifically, my patient's insides all over
Izzie: That makes me strangely happy.
Cristina: Oh, God. Oh, Meredith, you smell like...
Cristina: Something vile is stuck in your hair. You know, just go stand over
Meredith: Ugh, how much do I love being a surgeon right now?
Meredith: What does karma have to do with anything?
Izzie: I'm just saying, you've been given all the best surgeries. And now you
smell like putrid goo. And you're giving off a stench. Karma's a bitch.
Digby: I'm freezing, doc. I-I cant stop shaking.
Nurse (Olivia): His temp's way up, and BP's dropping, doctor.
Alex: All right, Digby, have you had any recent illnesses, new piercings,
Digby: New tat on my calf.
(Alex flips back blanket to reveal an extremely infected tattoo of a spider on
Digby: Oh, my God. It was nowhere near that nasty this morning.
Alex: But it was infected? Why didn't you say anything?
Digby: Ah, it was nothing. I'm not here to complain about a little pain.
Meredith: I thought you'd be asleep by now.
(Meredith looks in fridge)
Izzie: Yeah, well, I'm not. If you wait a few minutes, you can have a piece of
cake. Baked it chock-full of love. Actually, chock-full of unrelenting, all
consuming rage and hostility, but it's still tasty.
Meredith: Izzie, cut me some slack here.
Izzie: No. You went to Dartmouth. Your mother is Ellis Grey. You grew up... Look
at this house! You know, you walk into the OR, and there isn't anyone who doubts
that you should be there. I grew up in a trailer park. I went to state school. I
put myself through med school by posing in my underwear. You know, I walk into
the OR, and everyone hopes I'm the nurse. Y-you have their respect without even
trying, and you're throwing it away for...what? A few good surgeries?
Meredith: No. It's not about the surgeries. It's not about getting ahead.
Izzie: Then what? A little hot sex? You're willing to ruin your credibility over
that? I mean, Meredith, what the hell are you doing? (Izzie stares at Meredith,
who rolls her eyes) Oh, my God. You're falling for him.
Meredith: I am not.
Izzie: Oh, you so are.
Meredith: No, I'm not.
Izzie: You so are. Damn it, you poor girl.
Meredith: You know, it's just that he's just so...And I'm just...I'm having a
Izzie: Wow, you're all, uh, mushy and...warm and full of secret feelings. (Hands
Meredith: I hate you! And your cake.
Izzie: My cake is good. So, um, how hot is the sex?
Izzie: What? Come on, I'm not getting any. Help a girl out with a few details.
1X08 - SAVE ME
George: Hey. You guys want a cupcake?
Derek: Oh, no.
George: Izzie made them.
Derek: You know, I like it here. You said so yourself, you liked having your
things around, sleeping in your own bed.
(Derek is getting cereal and a bowl out)
George: You're like a health nut, aren't ya? You eat muesli every morning.
Derek: No, I don't.
Izzie: Ok, the muesli thing, you do. The last seven days, at least.
Derek: Oh, come on. I haven't been here for a whole week. Have I?
Meredith: See? Even they think it's weird.
Alex: So, what kind of name is Devo, anyway?
Devo: 80's rocker. My parents did too much blow. I call myself Esther.
Alex: Nice skirt. What are you, Amish?
Devo: Get a life. Haven't you ever seen an Orthodox Jew?
Meredith: It's just that I hardly know anything about you.
Derek: You know I'm from New York. You know I like ferry boats.
Meredith: Enough with the ferry boats. What about your friends?
Derek: I'm a surgeon. I don't have friends.
Meredith: Everybody has friends. I mean, who do you hang out with? What do you
do on your days off? These are important questions.
Derek: Ah, important for who?
Meredith: We're having sex every night. I think I deserve details.
Derek: You have more details than most.
Meredith: See, this is going somewhere weird. I want facts, and until I get
them, my pants are staying on.
Derek: Or you could just roll with it. Be flexible. See what happens.
Meredith: I'm not flexible.
Derek: (Laughing) There I disagree. Hmm. I've got to go. We'll find these things
out. That's the fun part. You know? That's the gravy.
Meredith: That is what I'm talking about. I don't want to be your gravy.
Cristina: Dr. Bailey, I want off the psychic case. I'll take whatever you got.
Can I switch?
Bailey: Ask nicely.
Cristina: Uh, well, this is me doing nicely.
(Bailey stops what she is doing and glares at Cristina)
Meredith: Well, you were wrong. You don't always get what you expect, do you?
Derek: What is your problem?
Meredith: Give me something to go on. Anything. What are your grandparents'
Derek: I don't have grandparents.
Meredith: Where'd you grow up? What's your favorite flavor of ice cream? Where'd
you spend your summer vacations?
Derek: Lighten up. It'll be good for your blood pressure. (Leaves the room)
Meredith: Oh, don't you tell me to lighten up. I'll lighten up when I...feel
George: If that's turkey, can I have some?
Cristina: It's soggy.
Alex: If it'll kill you. Solve everything.
George: I coulda gotten that intubation. I am good at intubations.
Meredith: (Taking a bite of the sandwich) Why does everything in a hospital
smell like a hospital?
Izzie: Don't be so hard on yourself, George. Everybody makes mistakes.
George: You know, I'm good at a lot of things.
Cristina: You know what, I'm gonna tell you something. Hey, George. You need to
get laid. See that nurse over there? (Points to a red headed nurse) She's
single. She's got red hair. Go ask her out.
George: In care you forgot, I intubated an esophagus.
Alex: Dude, you're tweaking. Maybe you should go see that psychic. (Alex leaves)
Izzie: Mr. Duff is not a psychic!
Cristina: I am trying to help you. Go buy her a latte and freshen up your
gonads, please. (Cristina leaves)
Izzie: Shut up.
Devo: I hear they call you Dr. Evilspawn.
Alex: Well, only the people that like me.
Devo: I guess that explains the lack of faith thing.
Alex: You know, I kind of think of myself as a pagan, but, hey, that's just me.
Alex: You're using up my oxygen, O'Malley.
George: How does a pompous, cocky jackass like you always have women all over
Alex: Little blue love pills, lots of them.
George: Come on.
Alex: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee. There it is, a bovine xenograft.
(Jumps up shouting) O'Malley, you think too much. Can't you see it? You got to
dance and jab. Dance and job. Like me. I am the Ali of this place.
Burke: You're scrubbing in.
Alex: Thank you very much, sir.
Burke: This doesn't get you any points, Karev. I'm the only one with points
around here, ok? Oh, by the way. Devo wants a rabbi to bless her before surgery.
Burke: You came up with the cow, you can find that girl a rabbi.
Meredith: I tried to talk Shepherd out of that clot surgery. What is wrong with
Alex: Basically, you tried to kill the guy.
Cristina: Basically, you're an ass.
Alex: Come on. You know you want it. Come to papi, baby.
1X09 - WHO'S ZOOMIN' WHO?
Izzie: George. You locked the door. I need to take a shower.
George: Uh, uh, I'll be out in a minute.
Izzie: What are you doing in there?
George: It's private.
Izzie: Oh. Oh, God. I'm sorry. I get it. I didn't mean to interrupt.
George: No, it's not that!
Izzie: It's ok. Take your time.
George: I am not doing what you think I'm doing.
Izzie: You know what, there's really no need to explain. I'll wait. You
George: No, I'm...I'm coming. I'm coming out.
Izzie: There's no reason to be ashamed. It's normal. Healthy, even.
George: Well, I'm not ashamed 'cause I wasn't doing anything. I don't have to. I
have a girlfriend.
Izzie: An imaginary girlfriend?
George: An actual girlfriend.
Izzie: You know what? It's no big deal. You don't have to lie. I get it. You
Meredith: What is going on out here?
Izzie: (Starts to say something, looks at George and changes her mind) Nothing.
Izzie: He's freaked out cause I caught him playing with little Jimmy and the
George: I have a girlfriend.
(George walks down the hallway and slams the door to his room)
Derek: This sounds like fun out here.
George: I need to ask you something.
Alex: I'm waiting.
George: I seem to be having this skin thing going on, like a rash, really. And I
think I know what it is, but I can't get close enough to tell for sure.
Alex: Let's see it.
George: It's kinda located in an, um, you know, private...
Alex: You're a doctor, George. It's called a penis. You have a rash on your
George: I think I can describe it. Um, it's k...red.
Alex: Look, just come on. Just show me your junk so we can get this over with.
(George looks around again and then slowly unties and opens his scrubs. Alex
looks and makes a grimacing face.)
Alex: Dude, you've got syphilis.
George: I don't know how this happened.
Izzie: Of course you do. God, Olivia must really be getting around.
George: Olivia, she's not like that.
Izzie: It's a new millennium, George. The only people who aren't like that are
the Amish and, apparently, you.
George: You don't know. Maybe I've been sleeping around. Maybe I got ladies.
Shut up. What am I gonna do?
Izzie: It's no biggie, couple doses of Penicillin will knock it out.
George: What am I gonna do about Olivia?
Izzie: Well, for starters, stop sleeping with her, unless you want that thing to
George: Ok, that is twice that you have trash-talked the girl that I could one
day potentially...well, not love, but like a whole lot.
Izzie: If she gave it to you, you have to tell her.
Izzie: Fine. She didn't give it to you. She was a virgin when you met. You still
have to tell her so she can get tested.
George: Oh, yeah? How am I gonna tell her? "Uh, hey, Olivia. How you doing? By
the way, I got the syph. How about you?"
Izzie: Maybe not quite like that.
George: No, it's good advice, really good advice. Thank you very much.
Alex: I gotta say, George, I didn't think you had it in you. It's always the
quiet ones. So who's the woman?
George: None of your business.
Alex: Oh, come on. Who gave you the cooties on the playground?
George: You must have had something like this before, right?
Alex: I never talk about my penis with other men.
George: Olivia! I need to tell you something.
Olivia: What's wrong? Are you breaking up with me?
George: What? No. Oh, no. Really, no. It's just...Ok, you're the only person
that I've been with in a long time. I mean, not unusually long or anything, you
know? Just a normal amount of long time. But it wouldn't matter to me if you've
been with someone else. Maybe you have? I'm not accusing you of anything or, you
know, judging you, or handing out scarlet letters or anything, you know?
It's...you're a woman, you know? A very attractive woman. Of course you've been
with other men. Not that you've been with a lot of men, it's not like you're a
Olivia: A prostitute?
George: No! Not a...not a prostitute. What...? No, the opposite of a prostitute,
a lady. You're very ladylike. I mean, you're very bendy, but...
Olivia: George, breathe.
George: Ok. It's just...ok, here's the thing. I really like you, Olivia. I like
you a lot.
Olivia: Well, I like you too.
(They make out again, George pushes her away)
George: I have syphilis.
(Olivia looks at him, and then, without saying anything, runs off)
George: That could have gone better.
George: Do you think she's talking about me?
Alex: She's absolutely talking about you. Dude, that's a good thing.
George: No, no it's not.
Alex: Georgie, get a clue. Syphilis is the best thing that ever happened to you.
In their eyes, you're a player.
Cristina: Hey, syph-boy.
George: You told her?
Izzie: Just Cristina.
Alex: "Syph-boy." It's got a nice ring to it, it's kinda like Superboy, only
Cristina: Izzie didn't have to say a word. Around here, the only thing that
spreads faster than disease is gossip.
George: That's not true. Just cause Izzie can't keep her mouth shut doesn't mean
Meredith: Hey, George. How are you feeling? Sorry about the syphilis.
George: Everyone in this hospital knows?
Alex: Knows you're a player.
George: You're disturbed.
Alex: True. Everybody's got a secret. Just be glad yours is out in the open.
Cristina: Oh, yeah, Alex? What's yours?
Alex: You show me yours, and I'll show you mine.
(Cristina looks at Burke as he walks by)
Alex: I bet you've got some seriously kinky skeletons in your closet.
Cristina: What's in my closet is none of your business.
Izzie: Well, I don't have any secrets. My life is boring.
Meredith: Everybody's got something to hide.
(Everyone stares at Meredith)
Cristina: Oh, what are we doing?
Izzie: We are saving George from a future of festering sores and insanity.
Cristina: Oh, cute butt.
Meredith: Told ya.
Izzie: It is cute, like a baby's.
George: You know, I have spent hours, days, years, imagining myself half-naked
in a room with three women. The reality is so much better.
Derek: You see that right there?
Derek: It's a tumor, and it's pressing against your optic nerve.
Richard: Is it operable?
Derek: Oh, definitely. It does have its risks.
Richard: You mean I could lose my sight? Just what I need, a syphilis outbreak
and a tumor.
Derek: Well, it's probably unrelated.
Meredith: So just for the record...
Meredith: ...you'd tell me if I need to get tested, right?
Derek: You think I have syphilis?
Meredith: No, I don't. It's just...we never made any rules or anything. I mean,
we never said, "We have rules," and I wouldn't hold it against you.
would I have time to go out and get syphilis? You're a handful enough as it is,
and besides, we're like, practically a condom ad.
Meredith: But no more glow-in-the-dark ones.
Derek: You see? There's nothing to worry about. Maybe we should, you know, make
some rules, I mean.
Meredith: We should.
Derek: Just for the record...
Derek: I like the glow-in-the-dark ones.
Meredith: I bet you do.
Dr. Knox: Well, you said this man's wife is pregnant?
Burke: Due in five weeks. Why?
Dr. Knox: Our patient has a blind vas deferens.
Burke: Bill is sterile?
Dr. Knox: And always has been.
George: Then who got his wife pregnant?
(Everyone just looks at each other)
Alex: Sucks to be Bill right now.
Cristina: If I'm missing out on a real patient because of this, they're gonna
call me 007 because I've killed you.
Richard: You're not gonna be too liberal with those benzos, are ya?
Derek: You know, doctors make the worst patients. You should just breathe in the
happy gas. Stop running my OR. I got you covered.
Page Stevens and Yang. Tell them I want them covering your patients. I need you
to stay and monitor the chief.
Meredith: Cristina and Izzie, um...I think they're already swamped.
Bailey: With what?
Meredith: Labs. They had to check on some labs.
Bailey: Oh, you are lying. I know you're lying. You know how I know? Cause
you're a bad liar! I hate a bad liar. (To surgeon) Take over for me. I know
exactly where they are. Here. Take over for me.
Bailey: Bailey: Don't even tell me you're doing what I think you're doing!
Bailey: Not only did you disregard the family's wishes, you broke the law! You
could be arrested for assault! Do you like jail? The hospital could be sued! I
could lose my license, my job! I like my job! Did you think about any of this
before you started cutting open a poor man's body? I could seriously kick both
of your asses right now. Do you have anything to say?
Izzie: Look at his heart.
Bailey: It's huge!
Izzie: It's over 600 grams, and there's some kind of grainy material in it.
Cristina: We want to run some tests.
Bailey: Oh, now you want to run tests?
Cristina: At this point, what could it hurt?
Bailey: I hate both of you right now.
Olivia: George, I want you to understand, when we started dating, I was already
kind of seeing someone. I didn't know how much I'd like you, and when I
realized, I broke it off with the other guy...
George: Other guy? Who's the other guy?
(Olivia looks up and George turns around to see Alex standing there)
George: You and Alex? You and Alex?! (Screaming at Alex as he attacks him) You
gave me syphilis?!
Olivia, Izzie, Cristina, and Meredith: George! George! George! George, back off!
Derek: What are you doing here?
Addison: Well, you'd know if you'd bothered to return any one of my phone calls.
Addison: (To Meredith) Hi. I'm Addison Shepherd.
(They shake hands)
Addison: (Pointing at Meredith) And you must be the woman who's been screwing my
(Meredith looks at Addison and then at Derek)
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