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Charmed Transcript

"The Lost Picture Show" Episode: #8.7 - 6 November 2005

Contributed by Suzanne

Leo:  Leo! Can you do this? Can you do that?

Previously, on "Charmed"...

Piper:  I don't ask you to do everything else.

Leo:  No, you just expect it.

Paige:  Who's my charge gonna be? Is it a whitelighter-to-be?

Leo:  Not exactly. Your charge's name is Samuel.

Phoebe:  Sam was Mom's whitelighter.

Paige:  That would make him--

Phoebe:  Your biological father.

Billie:  The night my sister was taken, it was raining outside, that was the last time I ever saw her.

Piper:  What did your parents do?

Billie:  They thought I made the whole thing up.

Paige:  And now you know you didn't.

Billie:  All right, come on. Come on, come on.

Paige:  Billie?

Billie:  Oh, hey.

Paige:  Hey. What ya doin'?

Billie:  Scrying.

Paige:  At 7:00 in the morning?

Billie:  Uh, actually, I've been doing this all night long. I'm just trying to find my sister. Now that I know 4379502B.JPGa demon took her, I have to try. Right?

Paige:  Billie...

Billie:  I--I know. I know he's got a 15-year heard start on me, but, you know, I just figure if I keep doin' this, then sooner or later...

Paige:  Do you think she's still alive?

Billie:  She has to be.

Paige.  OK, here's the thing.  If she's alive, we'll find her.  I promise you that.   But you can't let yourself become obsessed with this.

Billie:  I can't exactly let it go, either.

Paige:  But you don't want it to consume your life.

Billie:  I know. It's hard.

Paige:  Aren't you supposed to be at school or something?

Billie:  No. I can't focus on anything. Not school right now, especially.

Paige:  Well, I think maybe going to class would be good thing for you.

Billie:  No!  I can't.  What if there's a demon 4379504F.JPGand I'm not there? I can't help out.

Billie:  I don't see any demons. Do you see any demons?

[Bell jingles]

Vaklav:  Time to make room for another.

J.D.:  [Breathing fearfully] What the Hell? Where am I? What's goin' on?

Vaklav:  You're out of time, J.D.  You're no longer useful to me.

J.D.:  What are you talkin' about? Who are you?

Vaklav:  Unhh! [Struggling to breathe]

Woman:  Ohhh...

Man:  Is he still alive?

Other woman:  I think so.

Vaklav:  Call 911.


Paige:  Hey there. Uh, can I borrow your car? Mine's running on fumes.

Piper:  Sorry. Mine is, too.

Leo:  What? I just filled it up.

Piper:  Well, now it's empty. Honey.

Leo:  Yeah?

Piper:  No. We're out of honey. Put it on the list.

Paige:  Well, much as I'd like to stay here and watch you two snipe at each other, I don't want to be late for my interview. 43795179.JPG

Phoebe:  What interview?

Paige:  Oh, social services. I'm gonna try to get my old job back.

Leo:  Why?

Paige:  Why? Because I like it, that's why. Um, I only quit because of the whole magic thing. But now that we've got Billie to help out...

Phoebe:  I think that's great. Hey, maybe you could help me adopt a child.

Paige:  What?

Phoebe:  Well, yeah. I'm sorta thinkin' that adoption might 4379518C.JPGbe my only option at this point.

Paige:  Now, Phoebe, that's ridiculous.

Phoebe:  Why? What's wrong with adoption? You were adopted.

Piper:  Ah. That reminds me. We need eggs.

Phoebe:  Oh, eggs I have. It's the sperm I'm missing.

Paige:  Gross! 4379519A.JPG

Phoebe:  [Sighs] I'm just sayin' I can't just back and wait for love to find me. I gotta hurry up. At least according to my tea leaves.

Piper:  Tea! Leo...

Leo:  Tea. You already told me. 437951A5.JPG

Paige:  Sniping.

Leo:  I wasn't sniping.

Phoebe:  Oh, my God, that's perfect.

Piper:  What?

Phoebe:  Why didn't I think of that before? Gotta go.

Paige:  How did I wind up the only sane one here?

Piper:  [Snickers] You're tellin' me.

Leo:  So, uh. You want me to go to the store with you?

Piper:  No. You should--oh! I...think you should pick up the kids. No! I got it. It's fine. I got it.  Thanks. 437951C0.JPG

Paige:  Hey! You're not just gonna leave like that, are you?

Leo:  I tried to help clean up, but, uh...

Paige:  No, no, no, no, no. I'm not talking about the milk. I'm talking about you two. You've been walking around on pins and needles for over a week now. Why don't you guys just talk?

Leo:  You look--no offense, Paige, but it's really none of your business.

Paige:  Uh, actually, it is because I live here, too, 437951D8.JPGand this is affecting us all. Look, we know you guys have this epic destined marriage, but it doesn't mean that you're immune to problems, especially with everything that's gone on lately.

Leo:  I know.

Paige:  Well, if you know, then why don't you do something about it?

Leo:  I've tried. We've tried, and it always just ends up in an argument.

Paige:  Well, I don't know. Why don't you try seeing a marriage counselor? 437951EC.JPG

Leo:  [Chuckles] We've tried that once, too. Remember?

Paige:  [Sighs] Try somebody else. Try another one. You guys owe it to yourselves.

Leo:  You know, I don't think you're gonna have much problem gettin' that job.

Paige:  Well, unless I get there soon, I am going to, so please just go talk to her? Please?

Sam:  Hello, Paige. It's good to see you.

Paige:  Sam?

Sam:  "Sam"? Don't you mean "Dad"?

4379520D.JPGNurse:  Multiple abrasions, bruises, concussion. Yet no internal bleeding. He's a lucky kid. Although we haven't been able to I.D. him yet. So for now, he's a John Doe.

Vaklav:  Have the authorities been notified yet?

Nurse:  Yeah, like, over an hour ago.

Vaklav:  Hmm. Well, when he comes up from the E.R., best put him in a private room... until we find out who he really is. 43795229.JPG

Nurse:  All right, Dr....

Vaklav:  Vaklav. I'm filling in for Dr. Winfield.

Sam:  His name's Jonathan David Williams. Though he goes by J.D. He's my charge, a future whitelighter... or...he was supposed to be.

Paige:  Yeah, and?

Sam:  He disappeared in 1955. I've heard nothing from him since. Not until he was hit by a car this morning and rushed to a hospital. 43795249.JPG

Paige:  Well, How old is he?

Sam:  The same age as he was then. He hasn't aged a day. I don't understand it either, Paige, but I gotta believe that whoever or whatever made him disappear 50 years ago doesn't want him found now. Which is why I need your help.

Paige:  You're a whitelighter. Why don't you just orb him to safety?

Sam:  No. Too many people have seen him. It would raise too many questions. 4379525B.JPG

Paige:  Well, what do you want me to do?

Sam:  Help me get him out of there? Maybe cast a little spell?

Paige:  What, I'm the only witch you know?

Sam:  You are my daughter.

Paige:  Genetically...maybe. Look, I can't do this right now. I'm late for a job interview.  OK?

Sam:  An interview? Why do you need a job? You're a witch, a whitelighter.

Paige:  Maybe if you came around more than once every 3 years, you would know this 43795271.JPGabout your daughter.

Sam:  Look. I'm sorry, Paige. I just... I--I didn't want to intrude.

Paige:  Whatever. Doesn't matter. I'll call Phoebe, see if she can help. Ok?

Phoebe:  Paige, can't Billie do it? I mean, I'm kinda in the middle of something, and isn't she our magical go-to girl?

Paige:  No. She was up all night trying to find her sister, which I why I was hoping that you-- 43795289.JPG

Phoebe:  Would you describe me as gregarious?

Paige:  No. I would describe you as evasive. Where are you, anyway?

Phoebe:  Um...I'm just exploring my options, but don't worry, I'm not committing.

Paige:  Not committing to what?

Wendy:  How we doin'?

Phoebe:  Oops. I gotta go.

43795299.JPGPaige:  Phoebe! Phoebe! Who's gonna help Sam?

Phoebe:  You know what? I don't know. He's your dad.

Paige:  No, he's not!

Phoebe:  Sorry.

Sam:  What'd she say?

Wendy:  Ok. Here you go.

Phoebe:  So, uh... what's next?

Wendy:  What's next is we try to match you up with the perfect donor. 437952B5.JPG

Phoebe:  Do you think I'm gonna get to meet him?

Wendy:  This isn't a dating service, Ms. Halliwell. It's a sperm bank.

Phoebe:  Right. Right.

Piper: I blame you for this, you know. You're the one that had to open your big yap to Leo. Don't you remember what happened the last time we went to marriage counseling?

Paige:  Jeesh, I was just tryin' to help. Don't go if you don't want.

Piper:  Oh, no. We're goin' now. Only this time, we're goin' to some magical quack that Leo knows.

Leo:  He's not a quack, he's a soothsayer. 437952C6.JPG

Piper:  Like I said. Which way?

Paige:  So, what, you're not gonna help me get Sam's charge out of the hospital?

Piper:  Uh...no. Uh, why don't you try Agent Murphy? Maybe he can help you. If he had enough clout to get our identities back, he should be able to help you out with this. 437952D7.JPG

Paige:  Well, what about my job interview?

Piper:  Don't ask me. Ask your dad.

Paige:  He's not my-- [Sighs] Never mind.

Sam:  Shall we go?

Piper:  Any idea where this soothsayer's hiding?

Leo:  No. I just know that he hangs out here.

437952F1.JPGPiper:  O...K... and how exactly do you know this guy?

Leo:  From my whitelighter years.

Piper:  Huh.

Leo:  Trust me... all right? He's helped plenty of magical couples over the years.

Piper:  [Sighs] Leo, I don't know about this. 43795300.JPG

Leo:  It's worth a try, isn't it?

Piper:  [Sighs] Actually, you know what? We've been through worse, and we should be able to fix this ourselves.

Leo:  Ok, but we haven't, have we?

Piper:  [Sighs]

43795311.JPGLeo:  You know? Look, we're just a little out of sync, that's all. It happens.  You know, there's nothing wrong getting some outside help once in a while. We owe it to ourselves.

Soothsayer:  Flowers are not so much different from marriages, really. If you don't tend to them... nourish them... they wither.

Paige:  3:30 is perfect. Thank you so much for rescheduling. I really appreciate it. Ok. Bye.

Sam:  I don't understand why we couldn't just orb here. It would've been a lot faster.

Paige:  You want my help, you drive like everybody else. 4379532A.JPG

Sam:  We're not like everybody else.

Paige:  Shh! Speak for yourself.

Agent Murphy: Paige.

Paige:  Oh, sorry we're late. Really horrible traffic.

Sam:  'Course, that could've been avoided.

Paige:  Sam, Agent Murphy. Agent Murphy, Sam. Long story short, Sam's charge was hit by a car, and he's here in the hospital. We need you to check him out before something bad 43795339.JPGhappens to him.

Sam:  Well, that was short

Agent Murphy:   [Chuckles] Hold on a sec. Wait. Your charge?

Paige:  Uh, Sam's basically a guardian angel.   We call it a whitelighter.

Sam:  Like Paige is.

Paige:  But I want to be a social worker.

Sam:  But that isn't what you were born to be!

Paige:  Don't make me regret saving you 3 years ago.

Agent Murphy:  You two related or something?

Paige:  No. 4379534D.JPG

Sam:  Yes.

Paige:  Anyway. Ok. We need you to get J.D. out of here as soon as possible before this demon comes for him.

Agent Murphy:  Demon? What demon?

Vaklav:  Is that a private room?

Nurse: Yes, Doctor.

Sam: There's my charge. There's J.D.

Agent Murphy:  Dirty boots. Doctors don't wear dirty boots. Freeze! Don't move. 43795374.JPG

Paige:  [Coughing] What happened?

[Alarm blaring]

Paige:  OK, why would a demon take him out of 1955, only to try to kill him now?

Sam:  [Sighs] He must've gotten something out of keeping J.D. alive all these years.

Paige:  Yeah, but...what? And why hasn't he aged? That's...creepy, even by our standards.

Sam:  Now you know why I came to you.

Paige:  Well...just heal him. Maybe he'll know something.

Sam:  No. I don't want him awake.

Paige:  Why not?

Sam:  Because he'll wake up 50 years in the future, that's why. I don't want him to freak out. 43795434.JPGHe'll take off. I know him.  Barely got him to trust me before he disappeared.

Paige:  Well, I thought you said he was a future whitelighter.

Sam:  Yeah, if I can keep him out of trouble, which ... I obviously haven't done a very good job of.

Paige: Well, I surrounded this room with crystals, so he's safe here. It'll gives some time to figure out who this demon is.

Sam:  But how? We didn't get a good look at him, 43795448.JPGand if there's nothing in the Book of Shadows...

Paige:  Agent Murphy might have some leads. He told me this wasn't the first case he'd heard of where someone just vanished into in air.

Sam:  What part of the government does he work for, exactly?

Paige:  Uhhh.. the supercreepy part. 43795457.JPG  [Sighs] Look, he's helped us out some magical problems. OK, we trust him, he trusts us.  I'm gonna go talk to him, see what he knows, and, uh... I'll call you. Ok?

Sam:  The whitelighter way?

Paige:  No, Sam, the regular way. Answer the phone if it rings.

 Soothsayer:  Their wings old and tired, the 2 butterflies clung to a broken branch. And together, 4379546F.JPGthey floated down the river, each breathing life into the other as they made their final journey... home.

Piper:  Yoo hoo. Anybody home? Earth calling.

Leo:  Come on, give him a chance.

Piper:  I have, for the last 52 minutes and 23 seconds.

Leo:  So...what, that's it, time's up?

Piper:  You think?

Soothsayer:  You've stopped listening to each other. 43795483.JPGIt's common.

Piper:  Look, I didn't want to come here in the first place. Ok? Our problems are not magical, Leo. They're normal.

Leo:  They were caused by magic. That's why we're here.

Piper:  No. We are here because you didn't care what I wanted. You just cared what you wanted.  43795491.JPG

Soothsayer:  How many times a day do you have sex?

Piper:  A day? What, are you crazy? No wonder you wanted to see him. Are you kidding me?  [Cell phone rings] Really. Hang on. Ahh, shucks, look. Family emergency. Gotta go.

Soothsayer:  Just remember... it is always darkest before the dawn. 437954C0.JPG

Leo (as Piper):  [Grunts] What the Hell? Leo?

Piper (as Leo):  Piper?

Both:  Aaahh! Aaahh! Aaahh

Phoebe:  mmm...yep. Nope. Nope. This one's not right, either.

Wendy:  But we've been through over 50 donor candidates so far.

Phoebe:  Yeah, I know. Uh... maybe I'm just not being specific. What I need is a little girl 437954DA.JPGwith brown eyes, sandy-blond hair, cute little button nose that likes to save innocents, you know, kicks butt, works well in groups of three. [Chuckles] I mean, that's all.

Wendy:  [Chuckles] That's all?

Phoebe:  Yeah.

Wendy:  Ms. Halliwell...

Phoebe:  oh. You know what? Call me Phoebe. Uh, please. I mean, we're talkin' sperm437954F0.JPG here, right?

Wendy:  [Chuckles] Phoebe. I don't think specifics are the problem here. I mean... Let's face it, you have an incredibly specific image of who you want your little girl to be.  Too specific, actually.

43795506.JPGPhoebe:  Oh, to be honest... uh, she doesn't have to have the little button nose.  Ok.

Wendy:  We specialize in helping to create families here. And we're dedicated to promoting an open approach to helping anybody who wants to start a family but can't.

Phoebe:  And I totally respect that. I mean, that's why I'm here. 43795516.JPG

Wendy:  But...we're not a substitute for love. I've been doing this a long time, Phoebe. And I know from experience that when someone can't find a match.. they don't really want to. What they want... is outside these walls, not inside.

Sam:  Paige... Where are you?

J.D.:  Sam? Sam.

Sam:  Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. It's ok, J.D. You just go back to sleep. You rest.

J.D.:  But what... ohh! What happened? Uhh! 43795555.JPG[Groans] God.  [Exhales sharply]

Sam:  Close your eyes. Go on. Trust me.

J.D.:  I feel better. How? What's goin' on?

Sam:  It's a long story. But you still need to rest. Ok? It's important. You've been through a lot. 

J.D.:  Ok, but... what happened? Where am I? How'd I get here?

Sam:  What do you remember?

J.D.:  Well, I remember gettin' nailed by a car.

Sam:  Before that.

J.D.:  43795583.JPGI...I don't know. I... I was at the drive-in.  It was the middle of the flick "Rebel Without a Cause".  I went to get a soda.  And...

Sam:  And what?

J.C.:  I don't know. Some...creep scared the hell out of me. Took a flash photo. Blinded me. Next thing I know, I'm inside somewhere and he's...

Sam:  He's what? What did he do? 437955A4.JPG

J.D.:  [Snickers]  yeah, I must've bashed my head in pretty good. [Chuckles]

Sam:  Stay put.

[Door open]

Leo (as Piper):  Piper, the soothsayer must have done this for a reason.

Piper (as Leo):  I'm not gonna spend the rest of my life tinkling standing up.

Leo:  Uhh! Actually, guys don't tinkle. We--

Billie:  Hey! You guys! Will you knock it off? You're driving me crazy.

Piper (as Leo):  437955B4.JPGLook, either you find a spell to reverse this, or you find a magical divorce attorney.

Leo (as Piper):  Hey, Sam, how's it goin'?

Sam:  Wow! That's... quite a handshake, Piper.

Piper (as Leo):  That's because I'm Piper and that's Leo.

Leo (as Piper):  Uh, yeah. It's a long story. Don't ask.  We'll be upstairs. We got a few things to work out.

Piper (as Leo)  Gee, you think?

Leo (as Piper):  Uh, and Paige thought Billie could help you. She's really good--

Piper (as Leo):  Upstairs, mister.

Leo (as Piper):  [Chuckles]

Billie:  So, I'm pretty much caught up here, but I charge 10 bucks an hour to baby-sit.

Sam:  Baby-sit.

Billie: Yeah. That's what I'm doing here, right? Not exactly a demon hunt, but in for a penny, in for a pound, huh?

Sam:  Ok. Look, I need 437955E0.JPGto find Paige.  I need you to look after J.D. Do not let him out of the house. If he finds out what year it is, he'll go crazy.

Billie: Ok, fine. I'll just cast a spell on him.

Sam:  No. No spells. He doesn't know anything about magic, and he can't, either. He's had more than enough magic used on him already.

437955F5.JPGBillie: Fine. 12 bucks an hour. But when you find Paige, you tell her I have a midterm to study for and a sister to find. She owes me big time for this. This is so rid--

J.D.:  Hey, baby. What's shakin'?

Billie: No charge.

Sam:  What the Hell is taking so long?

Agent Murphy:  Where'd you come from?

Paige:  I just got here.

Sam:  Yeah, well, you wouldn't have if you'd orbed.

Paige:  I didn't want to orb.

Sam:  Which is why I had to. J.D.'s awake.

Paige:  Who's with him?

Sam:  Billie43795619.JPG. I don't know how long she's gonna be able to keep him from figuring out where he is.

Agent Murphy:  Did he say anything about what happened?

Sam:  Not much. Just that somebody took a flash photograph of him, nearly blinded him.

Agent Murphy:  Flash photo, huh?

Paige:  Wasn't one of the last victims seen with a photographer?

J.D.:  Wow. Cool.  A television.  Where are the ears?

Billie:  The ears?

J.D.:  Yeah, you know... antennas.

Billie:  Oh, oh the antennas, right.  Um...it doesn't ha-- this thing's been broken for ages.  Why don't we sit down and chat?

J.D.:  Boss.

Billie:  [Chuckles] Did you just say "boss"?

J.D.:  [Chuckles] Are you from a different country or somethin'?

Billie:  Um, no. Why do you ask?

J.D.:  Because you don't seem to know much about ours. Plus the way you're dressed.

Billie:  Yeah. Ok, let's talk about something else. So, um...where you from, J.D?

J.D.:  Where's Sam?

Billie:  Sam? He went out on an errand. He'll be right back. Hey! What are you doing? 4379577A.JPG

J.D.:  Oh, you want one?

Billie:  No! I-- hello! Cancer.

J.D.:  What are you talkin' about?

[Cell phone rings]

Billie:  Oh, jeez.

J.D.:  What is that?

Billie:  This is, uh...nothing. This is just a-- it's a new musical device. My dad's an inventor. 4379578C.JPG [Giggles]

[Smoke alarm goes off]

J.D.:  [Breathing uneasily] What's goin' on around here?

Billie:  Wait. I, uh-- J.D., I can explain.

J.D.:  Yeah? I'm listenin'

Billie:  OK, well, maybe I can't explain.  Or at least, I'm not allowed to.  But...look, all I can promise you is that you're safe here.

J.D.:  Safe...from what?

[Smoke alarm goes off]

Billie:  Oh, jeez.

J.D.:  Uhh! 

[Band begins hard rock piece]

J.D.:  Where am I?

[Music playing]

Billie:  Wait. Come back. Where--  437957B0.JPG

[Loud singing]

Billie:  Piper!  Leo! I can't believe this.

[Music continues]

Man:  So beautiful. She was an angel. I've wracked my brain trying to understand what happened. 30 years. It all feels like yesterday. I just hope and pray... that she'll come back to me again.

Agent Murphy:  You mentioned in the police report that you saw a flash of light. Any idea what that was or where it came from?

Man:  The camera, I assume. 437957D4.JPGShe was having her picture taken for her mother's birthday.

Paige:  At a photography studio?

Man:  Yes.

Agent Murphy:  Do you remember where that was?

Man:  It was somewhere over on Nob Hill, but it's not there anymore.

Paige:  And that's the last you saw of her.

Man:  Yeah.

Sam:  What about the photographer? Anyone ever track him down? 437957E7.JPG

Man:  They tried, I tried. But...it's as if he disappeared, too!

Agent Murphy:  Your demon, maybe?

Paige:  You think you can find that studio?

Agent Murphy:  Yeah. Excuse me.

Man:  [Sighs] She wanted to be a teacher. 437957FC.JPGShe had such a good heart, always helping others.

Sam:  She sounds like a wonderful girl.

Man:  I still miss her.  A father never stops loving his daughter.

Agent Murphy:  All right. I gotta go. Bye. So, it, uh, turns out that studio used to be a few blocks away from where your friend was hit by that car.

Paige:  Which means the demon might reopen for business. 4379581E.JPG

Agent Murphy:  What, taking pictures?

Paige:  Stealing lives.  [Sighs] I think, uh...we should handle this.

Agent Murphy:  What? Why?

Paige:  Well, in case you don't remember, firearms and fireballs don't mix.

Sam:  Maybe we should call your sisters, just in case.

43795833.JPGPaige:  I think I can handle one lousy demon alone, thank you.

Sam:  Well, what if you can't?

Paige:  Oh, what, are you worried about me?

Sam:  We should get going.

Agent Murphy:  What am I supposed to do?

J.D.:  Am I dead?

Billie:  No, but you're gonna be if we don't get outta here.

J.D.:  Unreal!

Billie:  J.D., I'm telling you, ok? We have to go.  We--

J.D.:  Did--did you see that?! It didn't make a sound, like right out of Buck Rogers!

Billie:  Yeah. It's a hybrid. Runs on battery.

J.D.:  Battery? Why?

Billie:  Are you kidding? With gas 3 bucks 43795858.JPGa gallon?

J.D.:  3 bucks? No way! It's, like, 25 cents.

Billie:  Hey, hey. It's ok. It's all right.  They're not gonna hurt you.  It's just a cop.

J.D.:  A cop? I--I don't understand.

Billie:  I know. I know. I'm sorry.

J.D.:  November 6, 2005? But that's not possible! Is it?

Billie:  What else could it be? Look, I know this is a lot to handle. Ok? I don't know 43795877.JPGwhat to tell you. All I can say is Sam can explain this to you in a much safer place, so we should go.

J.D.:  My dad. I-- I gotta see my dad.

Piper (as Leo): Hey.  Watch the face, will you, Leo? I just got a peel.

Leo (as Piper):  Would you please just try to find a spell to change us back?  I know what I'm doing, Piper. 43795891.JPG

Piper (as Leo): People who know what they're doing don't cause explosions.

Leo (as Piper):  You know, it's one thing to have my wife constantly criticize everything do. It's another thing when you do it from my own body!

Piper (as Leo): Well, since I figure you'd never listen to me, you might listen to yourself.

Phoebe:  No romantic dinners. No walks on the beach. There is no way I can be inseminated. I tried. I just couldn't do it. It didn't feel right.

Leo (as Piper):  That's...gross.

Phoebe:  No. What's gross is me pushing the issue because of some stupid premonitions. 437958A5.JPGYou know? I want love first.  I want what you guys have.

Leo (as Piper):  Not today, you don't. Trust me.

Phoebe:  Why? What's goin' on?

Leo (as Piper): Talk to your sister.

Piper (as Leo):  Yeah.

Phoebe:  Oh, my God. Did Wyatt switch you guys again?

Leo (as Piper): No. It was a marriage counselor.

Piper (as Leo):  Actually... it was a gardener... and it was Leo's fault. 437958BD.JPG

[Sighs] Ok, that's too weird.

Piper (as Leo):  Never mind. We'll figure it out. How's, uh, Billie doing downstairs with J.D?

Phoebe:  There's nobody downstairs.

Piper (as Leo):  What?!

Billie:  Hey. Are you all right?

J.D.:  They said that... my dad... [Tearfully] Just died.

Billie:  Oh, God, J.D., I'm so sorry.

J.D.:  They said he was 93 years old. 93! How could that be? He had nobody left. Not my mom, my brother. They said he buried me 50 years ago, even though he never stopped lookin' for me. I mean, how could he bury me! I'm still alive!

Billie:  I know. I know. We are gonna figure this whole thing out. 437958F0.JPGListen. Look at me. J.D., listen. You can trust me. Right?  You know you can trust me. I'm gonna tell you something you're not gonna believe, but you're gonna have to. It's the only way this whole thing is gonna make any sense to you.

J.D.:  Ok.

43795907.JPGBillie:  What happened 50 years ago. To you... whatever's going on, Sam is--is figuring that out. All I know is whatever it is, it has something.. to do with magic.

J.D.:  [snickers] You're crazy. 43795919.JPG

Billie:  No, I'm not. It's real. Ok? Just like what the demon did to you? That's real and that he's trying to kill you, this is all very real.  [Sighs] Look, I know is hard to handle. Ok? Believe me, I'm new at 43795937.JPGthis myself.  I just found out a week ago that a demon kidnapped my sister. Believe me, I know at you're going through.  Or at least, I kinda know what you're going through. Just don't run away from me. I can protect you from this. I promise.

[J.D. Sighs]

Paige:  Anything?

Sam:  No.  Maybe we should take something back to try and scry for.

Paige:  Everything all right?

Sam:  Can you feel that?

Paige:  Feel what?

Sam:  [Exhales sharply] The pain... innocents. I can sense them. They were here. Future whitelighters. That's what he's after. This could be a trap. You've gotta get out of here.

Paige:  No. I'm not 4379595B.JPGa future whitelighter. I am a whitelighter.

Sam:  But you're not embracing it. Otherwise, you'd sense it, too. That makes you vulnerable.

Paige:  No, that makes me sane.

Sam:  Look, you've got to stop fighting this, Paige. Gotta stop fighting yourself. Whether you like it or not, you are my daughter, which makes you a whitelighter, and it's about damn time 4379596C.JPGyou accepted it is.

Paige:  The Hell it is.  Look, for your information, my father--my real father-- the one who raised me, loved me, and took care of me till the day he died was a firefighter, not a whitelighter, so how dare you show up here and act like you're my dad? 'Cause I have news for you-- you're not. 43795982.JPG

[Shop bell jingles]

[Sam sighs]

[Bell jingles]

Sam:  Paige?

Vaklav:  Daughters. They tend to outlive their fathers... grieve longer.

Sam:  Wait. Don't.

Vaklav:  Smile.

Phoebe:  Any luck finding J.D. and Billie?

Piper (as Leo):  Uh, no, because Leo won't let me try.

Leo (as Piper):  Because Piper's powers are still in her body.

Piper (as Leo):  But the knowledge of how to use them isn't. 43795A5E.JPG

Leo (as Piper):  [Sighs] Oh, yeah? Wanna see me freeze you?

Piper (as Leo):  Ha! Like you even know how!

Phoebe:  Ok, ok, ok! What the Hell is goin' on here?

Piper (as Leo):  Well, first of all, we're in each other's bodies.

Phoebe:  Well, yes. Obviously. But the question is, why?

Piper (as Leo):  Stupid gardener.

Leo (as Piper):  He's a soothsayer.

Piper (as Leo):  He's a quack!

Phoebe:  Ok. Well, whatever it is, I think he knows exactly what he's doing. 43795A72.JPG  Come on, every shrink wants couples to walk a mile in each other's shoes. Right? This guy just did it literally.

Piper (as Leo):  Well, it's not working.

Phoebe: Isn't it?  Look, you've only been in Piper's body a few hours, and already you see what she has to juggle-- you know, being the breadwinner, a mom, 43795A86.JPGa Charmed One?

Piper (as Leo):  See?

Phoebe:  And you, you finally get a good understanding what it feels like to be Leo and not have any powers and to be married to a witch. He has to do all the legwork around here, pick up all the slack. It's a thankless job. You guys have forgotten how great you are together. Everybody wants what you have.  Trust me.  I want what you have.  Don't take it for granted.43795A9A.JPG

Piper (as Leo):  [Sighs] She's right.

Leo (as Piper):  I know. We need to find more time to spend together, Piper, just the two of us.

Piper (as Leo):  So we can talk.

43795AB9.JPGLeo (as Piper):  And listen.

Leo:  We're back.

Piper:  Whoo. Thank God.

Phoebe:  Thank the shrink. Now, hurry up and find Billie.

Billie:  Um, there's no need for that. J.D. needs to talk to Sam.

[Shop bell jingles]

Paige:  What do you mean, he knows everything? I thought Billie was supposed to wrangle him.  [Sighs] Yeah, I'm here, but I'm not seeing Sam.  Well...just have J.D. call him. He's his charge.  All right, all right, already. Criminy. 43795AD3.JPG[Sighs]  Sam?

[Shop bell jingles]

Vaklav:  Looking for someone?

Paige:  Who are you?

Vaklav:  Well, not to be defined by my work, but let's just say... I like taking pictures.

Paige:  Tripod! Tell me where Sam is.

Vaklav:  Oh, you love your father more than you think. Which means you'll miss him terribly. You see, I'm an expert in pain. 43795AF1.JPG It's my bread and butter, really. I feed off it.

Paige:  Unhh! What do you want?!

Vaklav:  To keep my collage complete. When J.D. escaped, I was forced to take Sam. If you want to see your father alive again... bring me J.D.

Piper:  We don't swap innocents. The demon must know that.

Paige:  Well...he wasn't after J.D. He's just a-- a loose end, someone that got away.

Phoebe:  Someone that he wants to finish off. 43795B16.JPG

Piper:  Well, he's got what he really wants--Sam.

Paige:  Yeah, thanks to me. I should've listened to him.

Phoebe:  Mmm, maybe you didn't want to.

J.D.:  Hey, what's the problem? If he wants me, let him have me.

Phoebe:  Well, the problem is, he's gonna kill you.

J.D.:  I got away from him before, didn't I?

Piper:  Yeah.   How did you do that?

J.D.:  It was somethin' I learned from my dad. And it works every time.

Billie:  No. Not this time. 43795B2E.JPGIt's too dangerous

J.D.:  Well, it doesn't matter. I owe him. He turned my life around. I--I don't know what I would've done without him.

Piper:  Um...why don't we take this up to the attic and see what Leo's come up with.

Phoebe:  We'll be back.

J.D.:  Well...what about Sam?

Billie:  Oh, they'll figure something out. J.D., wait. Where do you think you're going?

J.D.:  Where do you think?

Billie:  Look, I can't let y-- hey, you know I can stop you this time. 43795B49.JPG

J.D.:  [Sighs] Billie... I have to go. And besides, this isn't my time anymore.

Billie:  What are you talking about?

J.D.:  Everyone I've ever loved, ever known, is gone now. I'm not supposed to be here.

Billie:  But you are here.

J.D.:  Yeah, by some strange twist of fate. 43795B5D.JPG[Sighs]  Time has passed. But Sam's still got family. He's still got friends. He can still help people.

Billie:  But you're here for a reason. I believe that.

J.D.:  Well, maybe it was to do this. To do good. Or maybe it was just to meet you.

Billie:  J.D...

J.D.:  Promise me somethin'. You won't waste your whole life lookin' for your sister like43795B76.JPG my dad wasted his lookin' for me.

Billie:  I don't understand. I don't--

J.D.:  I was lucky to know you, Billie.

J.D.:  Sam? Sam! You let Sam go. You've got me now.

Vaklav:  Still, I need Sam to complete my collage. Just like I needed you. But not anymore.

J.D.:  If you don't free him, the sisters--

Vaklav:  Will never find me... once I've taken care of my last... loose end.

J.D.:  Uhh!


Billie... it's not your fault.

Billie:  Yes, it is. I should've stopped him.

Phoebe:  If you could have, you would have. He didn't want you to.

Billie:  It's just so unfair. How-- why would J.D. come back after all this time just to die like this?

Phoebe:  We can't save every innocent. We're witches... not...gods.

43795CCB.JPGBillie:  But I promised to protect him.

Phoebe:  [Chuckles] Promises can be tricky. Sometimes you just have to let things happen... in their own time... in their own way. Everything happens for a reason.

Piper:  [Sighs] Paige, you're not gonna find Sam that way.

Paige:  Oh, yeah? Watch me.

Leo:  Well, how do you know he's even in the city? You don't know who the demon is.

Paige:  You're right. You...make a vanquishing potion, the strongest one we've got.

Piper:  Uh...you know, there is another way to find Sam.

Paige:  Yeah? How?

Leo:  Call him?

Paige:  I already tried that. Thanks.

43795CE2.JPGPiper:  You...called for Sam. I think you need to call for your father.

Paige:  He's not...my father.

He's not your only father, but he is still, in fact, your father. You're connected.

Leo:  At least as a whitelighter.

Paige:  Dad?

Sam:  Paige.

43795D14.JPGPiper:  Uh... ok, everybody, let's back up. We're gonna have some company.

Vaklav: I don't understand. How did you free them?!

Piper:  Ooh. I didn't. She did.

Paige:  I guess my whitelighter side is stronger than I thought.

Vaklav: Uhh.  Uhh.  Ohhh.

Paige:  Smile.

Vaklav:  No!

Paige:  I think I'll have this one framed.

Leo:  What about them?

Paige:  Hmm.

Paige:  You may as well show up. I know you're lurkin' around here somewhere.

Sam:  Nothin' wrong with those whitelighter instincts of yours.  Figured you'd want to talk.

Paige:  Uh, actually I... wanted to apologize.

Sam:  For...?

Paige:  For being so hard on you.

Sam:  Paige, look, you don't have to, uh--

Paige:  Actually... I do. Guess I hadn't realized how much... you know, it hurt me-- the whole... not-showing-up thing.

Sam:  I don't blame you. I should've come by long ago. But... out of deference to your...real father's memory, I... I'm not exactly sure 43795D6C.JPGhow I fit in.

Paige:  Well...I think there's room for both of you in my life.

Sam:  Agent Murphy managed to track down all the innocents' families?

Paige:  Yes, he did. I think it's safe to say Mr. Sawyer got the shock of his life. It'll be a tough adjustment.

Sam:  Better late than never.

Paige:  Yeah. Unfortunately, not for J.D. 43795D87.JPG

Sam:  Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that. It might've taken him an extra 50 years, but I think he finally managed to prove himself a future whitelighter... by saving another. You.   See you around?

Paige:  Definitely.

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Updated 1/19/09  


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